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Annahi Ayala

Professor Padgett

English 100i

9/20/21
Becoming who I am

Since the day I could remember, I was already speaking Spanish and English fluently. I

grew up in a very bilingual community where everyone around me spoke both English and

Spanish. My mother always set her heart to making sure all her kids spoke fluent Spanish, even

with her having English as her first language. My first language began to worsen when I started

to attend elementary school, having to code switch from a Spanish speaking home to an English-

speaking school made my English become stronger than my Spanish because this is where I was

learning, reading, and writing. Even though I lived in the United States, I still went to Mexico

and was doing participating in Mexican traditions such as celebrating Mexican holidays like Dia

Del Muerto, and eating all kinds of Mexican food: pozole, mole, frijoles and became more a part

of the speaking Spanish community. I have a memory from second grade where a girl from

Colombia transferred to my school, of course their her Spanish is different because of her being

from another country but being a Spanish speaker made me close to her, she said how my

Spanish was “muy bien” and she could understand me fluently, but now . Whereas now, I

struggle speaking Spanish because my entire life revolves around an English-speaking

community. Although I struggled with my Spanish, I still fekt felt connected to my Mexican

roots and still felt a sense of belonging in the community even though my Spanish began to

worsen. I always felt super insecure because I wasn’t able to speak Spanish properly and as

fluent fluently as I would like.

I love being a part of both communities, and it took a little bit of a struggle for me to

learn both Spanish and English. In elementary school I was put in a ESL class that helped my

English writing and reading improve, this class ensured that I was at the right level along with

the other English speakers in my class. With learning English came one of my biggest hardships,

I had a huge speech problem and couldn’t pronounce my letters and sounds in many words

especially because I had a huge Spanish accent at the time. This was an issue for me since I

wasn’t on track to pass onto the following grade level. Being put into these classes my ESL

teacher was a huge part of my journey when becoming bilingual in English and Spanish, we

worked on pronunciation, writing, spellings, sounds from the alphabet, and much more

throughout the years of having this class. She would encourage me every step of the way even

when learning these things about the English language was very difficult for me. I never gave up

because this is what I need to learn if I wanted to succeed in school and become a good student

in school.

Throughout time I became more fluent in English and overcame all my ESL classes that I

was put in during my elementary school years. This put me in a weird spot because I now was

struggling with both of my languages, and it made me feel like I wasn’t myself anymore I wasn’t

a part of either community I was just an American girl who lost her roots. Even sometimes at

home I struggle speaking Spanish which is my first language, and it makes me feel lost. I

understand it fluently but now I need to think about what I’m about to say and I think “estoy

diciendo esto bien?” I ask my family members and those around me to help me stay close with

my heritage because I felt like If if I were to lose my Spanish, I wouldn’t be me anymore. and

Without practice every day the words in Spanish your words become less and less fluent.

Sometimes when I’m in Mexico visiting family, they call me “guera” because I couldn’t speak
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with fluent Spanish which involved good grammar and good pronunciation and I truly didn’t feel

like I was part of that culture anymore. Although this put me in a weird position, I grew to feel

proud that I know and understand both languages whether I struggle in Spanish a little bit that

didn’t matter, I was always going to be me and I was proud of being bilingual.

Entering Freshman year of high school, I was in a Spanish speaking class where we did

writing and reading in Spanish, of course I was in the advanced placement even though it was

my first year of that class because I was already a speaker at home. I was proud of myself

because now I finally got to practice my language and feel good about improving on my writing

not only in English but in Spanish as well. Everyone in that class felt how I did, like we were

losing our Spanish and just being in there made us feel happy to get better at our first spoken

language. We wrote essays in there and learned about some history of the Spanish language, it

was my favorite class at the time because now I had joined another little community of Spanish

speakers. Mis amigos and amigas would help me in class when I struggled with writing as I did

for them when we wrote big essays and so on, it was such a good experience and a memory I

will forever hold onto.

I am who I am today because of those helping me with both languages, even those

giving me constructive criticism and correcting my words when I don’t say it right. Todavía soy

Mexicana/ Americana incluso si tengo problemas para hablar español it doesn’t matter because

you don’t lose being yourself just because you are always around the English-speaking

community. Being a part of a community and staying in that community shows the importance

and uniqueness about each community around the world. I am now me because I am a part of

both communities and that just makes me feel proud of myself for never giving up on one or the

other language. , I learned both and that’s why I am who I am today.