Life Coaching

Chris Worfolk
Life coaching
Welcome to the Life Coaching course handbook. This handbook serves as a
complete set of notes for the course but I recommend you take your own notes,
too.

Whether you are looking to take up life coaching as a profession, add it to your
additional skillset, or coach yourself to reach your goals, I am sure you will get a
lot from this course.

What is life coaching?

Coaching is a type of helping relationship focused on assisting people to reach
their goals. It can be applied to several areas including sports performance,
business, leadership, or in the case of life coaching, life as a whole.

Coaches bring a set of skills, techniques and a relationship to help the client
reach their goals. However, it is not tuition because clients come up with the
solutions themselves. As a coach, it is our job to facilitate this process.

A coach does not need to be an expert in the subject matter but we do need to
be an expert in the coaching process: we bring together psychology and adult
learning theory to work in partnership with the client.

Types of coaching
Type Description
Skills & Performance (SPC) Specific skills such as sports performance where
standards and rules are often set externally.
Transformational Altering beliefs and attitudes.
Executive Focusing on senior business managers.
Team Improving how a team of people function
together.
Cross-cultural Improving how people from different backgrounds
function together.
Health & Wellness Improving health, fitness and nutrition.
Life A whole-life approach focusing on one individual.

Life Coaching 2
Coaching vs mentoring
Mentoring allows someone with experience and knowledge to pass that along to
someone more junior. It is a transfer of expertise in subject matter, be it business,
sport or life. Mentoring often takes place within an organisation.

Mentoring differs from coaching in that mentoring uses and passes expertise,
whereas coaching facilities change by empowering the coachee.

Coaching vs consulting
Consulting is providing expertise as a service. Consultants are expected to be an
expert in the subject matter and offer advice and insight.

Coaching vs teaching
Teaching is another field that requires expert knowledge of the subject matter.
Does that mean that coaching never involves teaching? Not quite. Sometimes
we will teach a technique or skill. But coaches are predominantly focused on
facilitating the coachee developing their own solutions.

Coaching vs therapy
Many people who talk about life coaching will tell you that coaching and therapy
are very different. But they are usually unable to articulate why.

The reality is that coaching and therapy are very similar, particularly person-
centred therapy. They are both a partnership with the client, are client-led, and
encourage the client to develop their own solutions.

But coaches are not therapists. So, how do we differentiate the two? Therapy
typically works with clinical populations and we will discuss this in more detail
later in the course.

Second, therapy is typically about doing remedial work whereas coaching helps
clients recognise and utilise the strengths and resources they have available to
reach new heights.

What does a coach provide?

A coach provides a relationship that helps a client grow. The coachee benefits
from: \

Life Coaching 3
• Achieving goals
• Increased self-esteem, self-awareness and self-acceptance
• Better self-understanding
• Understand and act in accordance with their values
• Alter core beliefs about themselves and the world
• Think more flexibility
• Tolerate uncertainty better
• Function on a higher level

What does coaching look like?

What does coaching look like? We will explore an overview of this in this chapter
and then dive into the details in later chapters.

Assessment
Every coaching relationship starts with an assessment. This is a chance to get to
know the client and for both the coach and the coachee to decide if they wish to
work together.

Good topics to discuss:

• What do they expect from coaching?
• What can you offer?
• Is it a match?
• Do they know what life coaching is?
• Are they happy with the whole life approach?
Good questions to ask:
• Can they afford it?
• Why have they come to coaching?
• What would they like to change?
• Are they willing to commit to change?
• How do they feel about self-care?
Remember that you do not have to say yes to every client.

Life Coaching 4
Contracting
Contracting is the process of agreeing on what will happen. This may include:
• When and where will the sessions take place?
• What methods will you use?
• What will confidentiality look like?
• What about cancellations and changes?
Agreeing on the rules upfront protects everybody and avoids difficulty later on.
For example, what happens if a client cancels at the last minute? Do they still
have the pay? Most coaches would say yes, but if this rule has not been agreed
upon in advance it may be difficult to enforce.

Your first session

A first session may include:
• Clarify or recap expectations
• Contracting: how will you work and what will be done in between sessions
• Explore desires and values
• Begin working on the client’s goals
• Listen and use silence

The coaching conversation

A lot of the “magic” that makes coaching work is the relationship we provide or
coaching alliance. We will explore this is in more detail in a later chapter.

This facilitates the coaching conversation. Despite its name, the conversation is
mostly listening. This gives the client a chance to express their thoughts, goals,
feelings and fears. Giving the client a space to say these things aloud will help
them digest, understand and reorganise their thoughts. The coach acts as a
mirror to help the client see and understand themselves.

Exploring values
Here are some useful questions to ask when exploring a client’s values:
• If you were a lottery winner, what would you do with your life?
• If you knew success was guaranteed, what would you do?

Life Coaching 5
• What makes you happy? What makes you laugh and smile?
• How do other people see you? What do you bring to their lives?

Goal-setting
Goals should be generated by the client and discussed openly. Using a
framework such as SMART or INSPIRED helps ensure it is a good goal. See the
frameworks chapter for more details on both of those.

Goals can be outcome-based, performance-based and process-based. Process-

based goals are typically the ones that are most under someone’s control. For
example, you cannot predict whether you will win a marathon (outcome-based),
and you may or may not be able to predict if you can run a three-hour marathon
(performance-based) but you can control whether you do all of your training
(process-based).

Tackling problems
Clients will inevitably encounter problems and probably already have: this may
be the reason they came to coaching. An important consideration is “can we do
anything about the problem itself?”

If we can, we can use solution-based coping. What can we put in place, what
skills and resources can we use, what can we do to resolve the problem.

If we cannot do anything about it, we can use emotion-focused coping to change

how we feel about the problem. Can we develop greater acceptance or reframe
the issue?

Ending the session

Sessions typically end with the coach summarising what has been discussed
and agree on what will happen between sessions. What will the client do and by
when? How will they know if they have been successful?

After the session has ended, write up any notes immediately while everything
is still fresh in your mind. These can be used to refresh your memory before the
next session.

Life Coaching 6
Designing a life
As life coaches, we take a “whole life” approach. But what exactly is a good life?
The answer ultimately comes from the client but it is worth considering what
aspects we may want to consider.

Life is most fulfilling when it is purposeful. But our lives are often shaped by
external factors: other people’s needs and values, life events, jobs, and even
random chance. Coaching gives the client a chance to explore what they want.

Purpose does not have to be some grand meaning of life. Nor does it have to be
one thing: work, family and hobbies can each have their own individual purpose.

Wheel of life
The wheel of life, also known as the life balance wheel or the coaching mandala, is
a wheely good way of measuring how a client feels about the different aspects of
their life.

Life Coaching 7
Character strengths
What traits are important to you and what are you good at? For some people,
it may be honesty, perseverance, curiosity, fairness, or kindness. Living in sync
with these values will make us feel more authentic and violating these values will
make us feel miserable.

Using a questionnaire such as the VIA Character Strengths Survey can help a
client discover their strengths.

Needs
We all have needs. Maybe it is to be loved, included, achievement, success,
power, stability or many others.

Understanding our needs can be difficult. We may deny some of them because
we feel shame (for example around control, power, recognition), or because we
may not realise we have a need if it is being met automatically.

Theoretical models
This chapter will present an overview of some of the theoretical models used in
coaching. Understanding theory helps us to understand why we do what we do
and where some of the commonly-used concepts come from.

This information is a brief overview to introduce the concepts so you can decide
if any of the models speak to you. You may decide to read more about these, or
you may decide to adopt an assimilative approach, building your own unique
coaching style.

Psychodynamic
Sigmund Freud’s psychoanalysis, the forerunner of the psychodynamic field, is
notable for bringing attention to the subconscious and the idea that we may be
driven by desires and feelings that we cannot always verbalise, or may not even
realise is our true motivation.

The way we hide uncomfortable feelings from ourselves through denial,

repression and projection come from psychodynamic. Developing better self-
awareness can help us understand and change these motives.

Life Coaching 8
Cognitive behavioural coaching (CBC)
You may have heard of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). CBC is the coaching
version of this model. Both use the same core concept: that our thoughts,
feelings and behaviours are all connected. By modifying one, we can modify the
others.

The cognitive aspect of CBC looks at how our mind works. Beck’s ABC
model, which we will look at in more detail later, suggests that it is not events
themselves that make us happy or sad but rather how we interpret these events.
These are often filtered through common biases and thinking errors.

The behavioural element of CBC emphasises the importance of changing what

we do: ultimately we are going to ask our clients to do something different
(ideally, the client will decide what to do themselves).

CBC develops clients self-acceptance, self-understanding, and helps them build

a plan for going forward so that they can become their own coach.

Solution-focused
The solution-focused model owes its origins to family therapy and suggests
that we can ignore problem stories and focus on what the solution looks like to
quickly move forward.

A major contribution from solution-focused is what is known as the miracle

question. This question can take various forms but essentially asks “what will it
look like when the problem is gone?”

Coming from the brief therapy school, it emphasises explicit goal setting and the
simple maxim “do less of what does not work and more of what does”. It may use
minimal contracting such as session-to-session.

Person-centred
The person-centred approach, originally known as client-centred, comes from
the positive psychology movement championed by Abraham Maslow and Carl
Rogers. It states that everyone has an innate desire to achieve their full potential,
known as self-actualisation.

Person-centred is built in the pillars:

• Client-as-expert: the client understands themselves better than anyone
else. This is in contrast to models such as psychoanalysis that believed an

Life Coaching 9
 expert was needed to interpret the client’s hidden dreams and desires.
• The relationship facilitates change: while person-centred does use skill
and technique, the “magic” that makes change possible is the coaching
relationship, known as the coaching alliance.
• Positive psychology stance: people have an innate drive to be the best
version of themselves.
Person-centred is non-directive (we do not tell the client what to do) but may be
more accurately described as client-directed: the client sets the direction and
agenda. The coach holds a mirror to the client to allow them to find their own
solutions.

Gestalt
Gestalt suggests that there is no objective reality, just how we understand and
interpret it. To better understand what is happening, we want to increase our
contact with ourselves, others and our environment.

Interruptions to contact come from:

• Projection
• Introjection
• Retroflection
• Confluence
A key concept for coaching is the idea of unfinished business and how this can
drain our energy. These could be practical tasks but they could also be emotional
issues that clients have yet to achieve closure with.

Existential
Existentialism is a school of philosophy looking at the meaning, purpose,
and value of human existence.

In coaching, we are typically looking at a client’s worldview. They may experience

dissonant conflict if their lived experiences and their worldview do not match up.
We may need to help them reconstruct their worldview to match reality.

Existential places a large value on embodiment and immediacy. For example,

when a client is feeling “blocked” what exactly does that feel like? Where in the
body can they feel it? What is it like to experience it?

In contrast to solutions-focused, existential is concerned with the bigger picture

Life Coaching 10
and longer-term goals.

Narrative
Narratives are the stories that we tell ourselves. For example, a friend cancels
their plans with us and we say “that’s just typical of them”. Or we stub our toe
and say “no surprise, I am a clumsy person”. We fit the facts into our existing
narratives.

The narrative approach suggests that if we change these stories, we can change
our behaviour and our results. Coaches help clients release old stories and build
new ones.

People are constantly trying to clarify, claim and convince others of their identity.
The story below illustrates an example.

My first career was in software consultancy. Later, I retrained as a

psychologist and started a company selling psychology training.

At first, I had trouble introducing myself as a “psychologist” at networking

events because I did not feel like one. I still derived much of my income
from software and felt like a fraud to claim I was anything else.

As I explored these feelings, I realised I was buying into an old story and
that it was time to write a new story where I embraced my identity as a
psychologist. This allowed me to focus on my new work in a way that felt
more authentic. Once I did, my company went from strength to strength.

As coaches, we can help people see their stories from different perspectives. To
notice how they are constructed, and any limitations and influences.

Transactional Analysis (TA)

Although originally a psychoanalyst, Eric Berne believed that we could better
understand ourselves through exploring our social interactions.

Transactional Analysis is perhaps best known for the parent-adult-child model

where the parent represents internalised values given to us by our caregivers, the
adult is the rational information processor and the child represents our curiosity,
creativity and troubling emotions.

The goal of TA is to strengthen the adult and thereby improve our autonomy.

Life Coaching 11
Positive psychology coaching (PPC)
The positive psychology coaching model advocates the use of science and
research to inform how we increase wellbeing, enhance and apply strengths and
achieve goals.

PPC has brought attention to several useful tools:

• Gratitude, for example, writing three things that we are grateful for each day
to focus our mind on the positives
• Savouring, a form of mindfulness that encourages us to take a step back
and appreciate our victories
• Hopefulness
Another important aspect is calibrating our goal-setting. Locke & Latham suggest
that achievers typically set lower, realistic goals while others may be unaware of
their ability levels and therefore set unrealistically high goals.

Frameworks
In the previous chapter, we introduced some of the broad theoretical models
that underpin life coaching. In this chapter, we will look at some specific pieces of
theory we can bring into our coaching sessions.

ABC model
Alert Ellis’s ABC model suggests that our uncomfortable emotions are caused
not by the things that happen to us but by the interpretation of those events.

The model looks like this:

Activating event -> Beliefs -> Consequences

For example, your manager asks for a “private chat”. If you believe that you are
a reliable and competent employee, you may merely be curious about the
meeting. But if you feel like an imposter who is not good at their job, you may
experience anxiety.

Ellis later expanded the model to include the solution, creating the ABCDE
model.

Activating event -> Beliefs -> Consequences -> Dispute -> Effective new belief

Life Coaching 12
By exploring our beliefs we can dispute any that are based on feelings rather
than facts and decide to do something different.

Drake’s narrative model

When using narrative coaching, we can use David Drake’s model for changing
the stories we tell ourselves.
1. Situate: What is going on at the moment and why?
2. Search: What could be different?
3. Shift: What needs to change for this new story?
4. Sustain: How do I fully claim my new identity?

Stages of change
Stage Description
Pre- Client cannot see a problem and are not thinking about
contemplation changing (unlikely to see many clients here).
Contemplation Considering making a change and unsure how to proceed.
Is it worth it?
Preparation Gathering information and considering possibilities. What
resources does the client have and need?
Action Practising a new behaviour. Does it fit with who the client is?
Maintenance The client is trying to embed the behaviour into their
identity and needs an ally.
Termination The client now does it automatically and coaching is no
longer required.

Adult learning theories

There are many adult learning theories including Andragogy, Self-Directed
Learning, Experiential and Transformational. Typically, these theories focus on:
• The existing knowledge and experience adults bring
• Self-directed learning
• Focus on practical applied learning
• Reflection on the learning process
An example is the Kolb cycle of learning:

Life Coaching 13
Problem-solving
Two frameworks you can use are ADAPT and PIE.

ADAPT
• Attitude. Decide to give it a go.
• Define the problem and set realistic goals that are inside of your control.
• Generate alternative solutions.
• Predict the outcome of each solution and rank them best to worst.
• Try each solution out and see if it works.
PIE
• Problem definition.
• Ideas for solving the problem and implementing chosen ones.
• Evaluate the outcome.

Goal-setting
Two frameworks you can use are SMART and INSPIRED.

SMART
• Specific
• Measurable

Life Coaching 14
• Action-oriented, agreed, achievable
• Realistic
• Time-bound
INSPIRED
• Inspiring
• Nurturing
• Specific
• In your control
• Reviewed regularly
• Energising
• Documented

Coaching alliance
The “magic” that makes coaching work is the coaching alliance. This is the
professional helping relationship that exists between coach and coachee.

Listening
The biggest part of a coaches job is to listen. Our job is to empower the client to
find their own solutions, so they should do most of the talking.

Three types of listening

• Listening to: active listening, mirroring, paraphrasing, what’s not said
• Listening for: values, commitment, purpose
• Listening with: whole body, empathy, immediacy

Core conditions
The person-centred approach sets out three core conditions. If we, as a coach,
can provide these conditions then the client will progress; nothing else is
required according to Carl Rogers.

Empathy is seeing the world from the client’s frame of reference. It is different
from sympathy in that we do not just appreciate the situation but see it from the
client’s perspective. We attempt to get inside their head and understand their

Life Coaching 15
values and worldview.

Unconditional positive regard (UPR) is acceptance regardless of who they

are. Often, people will place conditions of worth on their love: for example, our
parents may expect us to be hardworking or polite. While these are admirable
qualities, by placing no conditions on the client and accepting them for who
they are, we are role-modelling self-acceptance. The client will then see this and
begin to accept themselves for who they are.

Congruence is avoiding putting on a mask and being genuine. After all, who
wants a relationship with someone who is fake? This is not quite the same thing
as always expressing out true feelings: tact has a place. But we should be our
real selves in the relationship.

Fixing ruptures
Some signs that the coaching alliance may be rupturing are:
• Client being late or unprepared
• No shows
• Either party losing interest
• Client not committing to goals
Ruptures can be avoided by being clear about the methods you use,
encouraging the client to be open and honest about their negative feelings,
accepting our share of responsibility when tension does occur and renegotiating
the alliance if required.

Self-disclosure
Self-disclosure is where we reveal something from our personal life. In therapy,
this is typically avoided because it carries the risk of creating a misunderstanding
between therapist and client and draws the spotlight onto the therapist.

In coaching, we are not dealing with vulnerable clients, so we have more leeway.
It can be useful to reveal personal experience to bolster the confidence of the
client or build rapport.

However, we still want the focus to remain on the client. Therefore, it is always
useful to ask “why am I revealing this?” Will it help the client? Remember that
coaching is a professional relationship, not a casual chat. Therefore, the benefit
for the client should be clear.

Life Coaching 16
Techniques
In this chapter, we will explore the most common techniques used within the
therapy session.

Paraphrasing
Paraphrasing takes something the client has said and gives it back to them. For
example, maybe the client is talking about “cannot see a way to move forward
as it feels like every direction has an obstacle that I cannot find a get over it”. The
coach may respond “it sounds like you are feeling blocked”.

Paraphrasing uses different words (as opposed to parroting) to the client as this
provides them with a slightly different perspective. It also demonstrates that we
are listening as we have to hear, process the meaning and rephrase it.

If a particularly emotive or important word is used, we may want to parrot instead.

For example, if the client said a word like “horrified” or “ecstatic” we may want to
mirror the language to draw attention to the feelings and encourage them to say
more.

Summarising
Summarising is similar to paraphrasing but takes in a wider block of time.
Summarising is a good tool to use at the end of a session to draw it to a close,
highlighting the important discussion points and any actions.

It can also be used to draw one section of the discussion to a close and move
onto another: for example, maybe part of the session discusses the client’s work
while another discusses their home life.

Silence
Silence is a powerful tool but new coaches often feel uncomfortable with
it. Silence gives a client chance to process what they are saying and often
encourages them to say more.

When using active listening there should be plenty of silence: we are listening
to hear rather than listening to respond, and that requires taking a moment to
formulate any response after the client has finished speaking.

Life Coaching 17
Reframing
Reframing is offering a plausible alternative explanation. For example, maybe the
client sees something as a “failure” but is it also a learning experience? Or maybe
a partner is “nagging” but is it also a sign that they care, or a desire for attention?

Reframing puts things in a new light and encourages the client to consider things
from different perspectives.

However, we do not need to reframe all negative comments: it is okay to sit

with difficult or unpleasant feelings and indeed this should be encouraged as
our ability to handle and process difficult feelings is a key character strength to
develop.

Immediacy
Immediacy is drawing attention to what is happening in the room right now.
Maybe you notice a change in body language or tone. A mismatch between
verbal and non-verbal communication. Or maybe you feel something and wonder
if the client feels it, too.

Examples of using immediacy:

• “I noticed you tensed up when you were talking about that”
• “You say you are excited but your body language looks a little nervous. Am I
reading that correctly?”
• “I feel like you are holding something back. What do you make of that?”

Questions
Questions are a good way of keeping the conversation flowing while ensuring the
client continues to do the majority of the talking. Avoid closed questions (ones
that invite a simple yes or no answer) and favour open questions instead.

Questions can be used to:

• Bring focus to an important topic
• Brings things into awareness
• Challenge the client to consider new behaviours and ways of thinking
• Make assumptions explicit
Clarifying questions allow us to double-check our understanding and
demonstrate that we are listening and have processed what the client has said.

Life Coaching 18
Making a request
Occasionally, we need to be a little directive to push a client out of their comfort
zone and ask them to commit to a change. We call this making a request.

A client may accept or reject it so do not get attached to any specific request.

ICMA framework for making requests:

• State your intention: what do you hope it will achieve?
• Observation: focus on facts, not judgements
• Request should be simple and clear, giving them permission to accept/
reject/respond
• Confirmation: clarify what has been agreed

Common problems
In this chapter, we will look at some common issues that clients encounter and
how we can work through them.

Worry
We all worry from time to time but worry is also the driving mechanism behind
anxiety.

It is important to remember that worry keeps us safe: we should panic when we

step out in front of a bus or find a bear in our garden. But when we worry without
any danger or the worry becomes repetitive, it is maladaptive.

A good question to ask here is “what new information is there?” Worrying is

problem-solving: we are trying to get rid of a fear. But, if we have already done
some worrying and there is no new information on the problem, we can remind
ourselves that this is no longer productive.

The best solution for conquering our fear is by facing it head-on. For example, if
a client has a fear of public speaking, the best way to get over it is to do a lot of
public speaking. We call this exposure.

Jumping in at the deep end is unlikely to be successful, though, as the client is

unlikely to comply or be able to manage their anxiety levels. Therefore we use
graded exposure. We might start by asking them to give a speech in the mirror.

Life Coaching 19
Then in front of a phone camera. Then to us. Then to their local public speaking
club in a supportive atmosphere. Then to do a conference. Breaking it down into
little steps makes the process bearable.

If worry is interrupting their normal day-to-day functioning, they may be

struggling with clinical levels of anxiety and need to be referred to a specialist.

Rumination
Rumination is the mechanism behind depression. When we feel low, we often
withdraw from the world to make time to meditate on questions like “why am I a
failure?” or “why does nobody like me?”

Unfortunately, this starts a cycle where we spend time at home on our sofa
dwelling on our negative feelings, which makes us feel worse.

The reality is that the motivation to do something often only comes after we
start doing it and we would be better going out and doing something to make
ourselves feel better. But it is hard to see that at the time.

As with worry, if rumination is affecting a client’s day-to-day functioning they may

be suffering from clinical depression and should be referred to a specialist.

Procrastination
Procrastination is the delaying of important tasks. Causes include:
• Anxiety about completing the task to a high enough standard, especially if
it important to us and will therefore affect our self-esteem.
• Low frustration tolerance (LFT) if the task is likely to be boring.
• Rebellion if we do not want to work to someone else’s timetable.
We may tell ourselves we work better under pressure, create unnecessary
precursors, wait to feel motivated or replace the important tasks with
unimportant ones.

Linda Sapadin identifies six types of procrastinators:

Type Description Solutions

The perfectionist High expectations and Awareness of perfectionism,
fear of not reaching them realistic goals, time limits

Life Coaching 20
 Type Description Solutions
The dreamer Make big plans but Allocate time to doing, start
find the follow through small, draw attention to good
frustrating feelings from doing
The worrier Anxiety and “what if” Develop self-belief, avoid
questions get in the way catastrophising, harness energy,
better decision making
The crisis-maker Leaving everything to Understand motivation comes
the last minute for the after you start, reward yourself for
adrenaline rush starting early
The defier Rebelling against Take responsibility, negotiate,
external deadlines and choose your battles
expectations
The overdoer Taking too much on by Learn to say no, prioritise what
not saying “no” or failing you care about, ask for help,
to set boundaries make time for self-care

Time management
Indicators of poor time management:
• Constant rushing
• Frequent lateness
• Low productivity, energy, motivation
• Frustration
• Impatience
• Chronic vacillation between alternatives
• Difficulty setting or achieving goals
• Procrastination
To understand where the time is being spent, suggest the client uses a time log
to track their day. This breaks the day down into 30-minute segments and they
can write what they did for each segment. This is best done throughout the day,
rather than leaving it until the evening, to ensure accuracy.

Once we understand how our time is being spent, we can analyse whether the
tasks match our stated priorities.

Common issues and solutions:

Life Coaching 21
Problem Solution
Perfectionism Explore personal standards, tolerate lower
standards, set realistic goals
Feeling overwhelmed Set clear priorities, ask for help
Unassertiveness Learn to say “no” to tasks we do not want or should
not be taking on
Little delegation of work Accept that other people will have different
standards and different methods, and we cannot
do it all yourselves

Perseverance
Perseverance is continuing despite difficulty and seeing a task through to
success.

How much willpower we have is generally thought to be a limited resource: if we

use it up on one thing we will have less left over for something else later in the
day. So, use it on things that are important.

Success is often a scale. For example, your target may be to create a 500 kcal
deficit. You may or may not hit this, but a 300 kcal deficit is better than a 0 kcal
deficit.

Common issues and solutions:

Problem Solution
“I want to do something fun now” Overcome short-term desires by making
long-term goals more concrete
“I am not good enough” Focus on self-esteem and self-acceptance
“I was born this way” Focus on what we can control and theory of
change
“It will never work” Explore the fear of failure and what
implications it may have
“I am not making progress” Avoid dismissing small changes, learn to
tolerate self-doubt

Resilience
We often think about resilience as bouncing back. But this suggests we come
back to where we were. This is often not the case. We may learn something and

Life Coaching 22
come back stronger. But often, we will come back different.

Take bereavement, for example. If you lose your partner of 20-years, you are
unlikely to “bounce back” and forget about them. But you can continue to enjoy
life in new ways.

A key part of resilience is accepting what is rather than denying reality. We often
tell ourselves “it is not fair” and that may be true. Unfortunately, life is not fair.

Resilience is often associated with the following attitudes:

• High tolerance for frustration
• Keeping things in perspective
• Self-acceptance
• Adaptability
• Support from others
• Self-control
• Curiosity
• Self-belief
• Meaning-making (doing stuff that adds meaning and purpose to our lives)
• Humour (finding light in dark times and not taking ourselves too seriously)
• Problem-solving skills
• Mindfulness

Assertiveness
Assertiveness is standing up for oneself without anger. This contrasts with
aggression, standing up for oneself with anger, and unassertiveness, violating
one’s rights by not honestly expressing feelings, thoughts and beliefs.

Palmer & Dryden (1994) identify a number of assertive rights:

• The right to say “no”
• The right to make mistakes
• The right to consider my needs important
• The right to express my feelings in an appropriate manner without violating
anyone else’s rights
• The right to take responsibility for my actions
• The right not to be understood

Life Coaching 23
• The right to set my own priorities
• The right to respect myself
• The right to be me
• The right to be assertive without feeling guilty
Assertiveness does not mean always getting what you want but it does allow us
to clearly state our preferences. We may hold back from this because of:
• Fear of injury
• Fear of failure
• Fear of hurting other people’s feelings
• Fear of rejection
• Fear of financial insecurity
Steps to assertiveness:
1. Get the person’s attention
2. Describe the problem or behaviour in objective terms
3. Express constructive emotions with “I feel” statements
4. Check your interpretations and invite a response
5. Listen to the response and give feedback (agree, disagree, feelings)
6. State your preferences clearly and specifically
7. Request agreement from the other person Communicate any relevant
steps regarding future episodes

Risk-taking
One of the biggest barriers to change is being risk averse. Clients may easily see
the negative sides to taking a risk. However, risk comes with positive sides, too:
you can win as well as lose.

Building risk tolerance:

Factor Description
Evaluation Don’t just look at what could go wrong: what is to be gained
from taking a risk?
Fear Explore the worst-case scenario: it is often less catastrophic
than we think
Perfectionism Divorce individual decision outcomes from self-worth

Life Coaching 24
Working as a coach
In this chapter, we will discuss issues relating to working as a professional life
coach.

Coaching is unregulated in most countries, meaning anyone can call themselves

a life coach. However, there are several voluntary professional bodies that
coaches may join. Each of these publishes a code of ethics that its members sign
up to follow.

Professional bodies include:

• European Mentoring & Coaching Council (EMCC)
• International Coaching Federation (ICF)
• Association for Professional Executive Coaching and Supervision (APECS)
• Association for Coaching (AC)
One of the most-used ethical frameworks is the Global Code of Ethics jointed
published by several coaching bodies and with an increasing number of others
signing up to it.

Confidentiality
Life coaching often touches on deeply personal issues for the client and
therefore everything discussed should be kept in confidence.

However, there are times we may need to break confidentiality:

• Safeguarding issues where the client is at risk of harming themselves or
someone else
• Legal responsibilities such as being compelled to testify in court
• Supervision as we will discuss in the next section
Being upfront with a client about your commitment to confidentiality and its limits
is important so that everyone understands the ground rules.

You also want to consider how you will keep any notes secure: paper notes
should be in a locked box or filing cabinet while digital notes should be
encrypted.

Supervision
Each coach should work with a supervisor. This is not like a manager in a

Life Coaching 25
corporate environment: every coach, no matter how senior, should be using
supervision.

A supervisor is a fellow coach, typically with additional training in supervision,

with whom you will discuss your work. This gives you the chance to emotionally
offload, ask for help with ethical dilemmas and provides accountability.

Ethical referrals
We should always ask ourselves “can my coaching help this client?” If the answer
is no, it is time to make an ethical referral and signpost them to someone who
can help.

This could be because we are not a good match, because of a conflict of interest,
because they need a different type of coaching or because they have a mental
health issue that needs dealing with first.

Being able to make a referral requires some research and networking: who do
you have in your network that you can refer them to? Always do this with their
best interest at heart.

Mental health
Coaching is not therapy but the line between the two is not always clear. If a third
of people have minor mental health issues at some point in their lives, do we
reject them all? And when does sad cross the line into depression?

Signs of a problem:

Area Indicators
Appearance Lack of personal care, clothes
Movement Slower than usual
Body Defeated, unusual
language
Behaviour Agitation, nervousness, lethargic, repetitive
Focus Unable to focus
Incongruence Mood does not match discussion, facts
Thoughts Fixations, preoccupations
Intellect Degraded

Life Coaching 26
If multiple indicators suggest a problem, a good first step is to use immediacy.
How does the client explain what is going on? Next, talk to your supervisor.

Cavanagh gives us five questions to ask ourselves:

• How long has the dysfunction been going on?
• How extreme are the behaviours or responses of the client?
• How pervasive are the distresses and patterns of dysfunction?
• How defensive is the person?
• How resistant to change are the dysfunctional patterns of behaviour,
thinking or emotions?
It may be useful to take additional CPD courses in better understanding and
recognising mental health conditions, such as a Mental Health Ambassador or
Mental Health First Aid course.

Life Coaching 27
References
Baumeister, R. F., Bratslavsky, E., Muraven, M., & Tice, D. M. (1998). Ego
depletion: Is the active self a limited resource?. Journal of personality and social
psychology, 74(5), 1252.

Cavanagh, M., Grant, A. M., & Kemp, T. (2005). Evidence-based coaching Volume
1: Theory, research and practice from the behavioural sciences. Evidence-
Based Coaching Volume 1: Theory, Research and Practice from the Behavioural
Sciences, ix.

Cox, E., Bachkirova, T., & Clutterbuck, D. A. (Eds.). (2014). The complete handbook
of coaching. Sage.

Davis, M., Robbins Eschelman, E., & McKay, M. (1995). The Relaxation and
Stress Reduction Workbook, Oakland, CA: New Harbinger 1988.

Drake, D. B. (2018). Narrative coaching: The definitive guide to bringing new

stories to life. CNC Press.

Ellis, A., & Dryden, W. (2007). The practice of rational emotive behavior therapy.
Springer publishing company.

Garrison, D. R. (1997). Self-directed learning: Toward a comprehensive

model. Adult education quarterly, 48(1), 18-33.

Leahy, R. L. (1996). Cognitive therapy: Basic principles and applications. Jason

Aronson, Incorporated.

Lange, A. J., Jakubowski, P., & McGovern, T. V. (1976). Responsible assertive

behavior: Cognitive/behavioral procedures for trainers. Research PressPub.

Locke, E. A., & Latham, G. P. (2002). Building a practically useful theory of goal
setting and task motivation: A 35-year odyssey. American psychologist, 57(9), 705.

Knowles, M. S. (1972). Andragogy. NETCHE.

Kolb, D. A., Rubin, I. M., & McIntyre, J. M. (Eds.). (1984). Organizational psychology:

readings on human behavior in organizations. Prentice Hall.

Maslow, A. H. (1943). A theory of human motivation. Psychological review, 50(4),

370.

Menendez, D. S., & Williams, P. (2015). Becoming a professional life coach:

Lessons from the Institute of Life Coach Training. WW Norton & Company.

Life Coaching 28
Mezirow, J. (1978). Perspective transformation. Adult education, 28(2), 100-110.

Neenan, M., & Dryden, W. (2020). Cognitive Behavioural Coaching: A Guide to

Problem Solving and Personal Development. Routledge.

Palmer, S., & Dryden, W. (1994). Counselling for stress problems. Sage.

Rogers, C. R. (1959). Client-centered therapy. American handbook of psychiatry, 3,

183-200.

Sapadin, L., & Maguire, J. (1999). Beat procrastination and make the grade: The six
styles of procrastination and how students can overcome them. Peguin Books.

Standards Australia. (2011). Coaching in organizations.

Life Coaching 29
Life Coaching
Course Handbook

Copyright Worfolk Media

All rights reserved