Coping With Depression
Coping With Depression
CONTENTS
Appendix
Sample forms 34
Evaluation form 38
Symptoms of Depression
• Changes in appetite and weight. Some people lose their appetite and
may notice that they lose weight. Others may “comfort eat”, which often
results in weight gain.
• Loss of interest in sex. Some people find that they lose interest in sex,
worry about their performance and experience difficulties with intimacy.
• Thoughts of death. These range from thoughts that it wouldn’t be so bad
to be killed accidentally to actively making plans for suicide. If you are
having frequent or serious thoughts about suicide, then you need to
get professional help as soon as possible. If you are not already
seeing a mental health professional whom you can tell about these
thoughts, then talk to your GP as soon as you can.
If you look at the above list, you may notice that these symptoms can be
roughly classified into four main groups.
can help people to see their depression in a different way. They do not have
to blame themselves for feeling like that.
Reality: This is common when people have been treated badly early on,
and have felt unhappy all of their lives. In this case, it is very difficult to see
that the way they feel can be classified as depressed, and therefore not just
how they are. It can be even more difficult to believe that it can change – but
it can.
Myth 4: “Other people can cope with their lives without getting
depressed – much worse things happen to them. I’m just weak and
pathetic – I should be able to cope”.
Reality: It can look as though everyone is getting on with life and coping
better than you. But this is partly because you tend to only focus on people
who cope and not notice those who don’t. It may also be because people go
to great lengths to hide it when they feel that they can’t cope, you might never
see other people when they are having trouble coping. It is important to
remember that the feeling that you cannot cope is a symptom of depression,
and is not a sign that you are weak and pathetic.
Reality: It is true that medication will not change the things in your life
that are troublesome. But it can help to make you feel better and therefore to
cope with your problems in a different way.
GENETICS. People may inherit genes that make them more likely to develop
depression. If a lot of people in your family have had difficulties with
depression, then this may be the case for you. However, keep in mind that a
high rate of depression in a family may also be because of the way people in
the family behave towards each other, and thus not due to the direct effect of
genes.
BRAINS AND BIOLOGY. When people are depressed, there are changes in
the brain, both in levels of special brain chemicals and in electrical activity.
These changes are more marked in people who suffer a lot of physical
symptoms of depression (e.g., difficulty sleeping, change in appetite,
lethargy). When people recover from depression, these changes disappear
and brain activity goes back to normal. It is not known whether brain changes
cause depression or are a side effect of depression.
EARLY EXPERIENCE. For some people, life may have been difficult from
very early on. There may have been practical difficulties, or they may have
been abused or neglected. Their parents may have separated or died. Or
they may have had a tough time at school; perhaps they were bullied. In
these cases, people are more vulnerable to developing depression,
particularly if their early experiences taught them to think negatively.
LIFE EVENTS. For some people, things were going along reasonably well
until something awful happened – perhaps their marriage broke down, they
lost their job, or a loved one died. Such events can sometimes trigger
depression, particularly if they involve major losses.
ONGOING STRESS. For some people, there is not a single or major event
that gets depression started. Sometimes depression is caused by problems
that seem to go and on, with no solution in sight. These problems can be
much more ordinary things, such as ongoing problems with work,
accommodation, ongoing tension in relationships, or loneliness. The list is
pretty long. These stresses are more likely to cause depression if they make
people feel trapped or humiliated.
The following cycle illustrates the way in which these changes work together
to keep you depressed. We have filled it out with the example of what
happened to John, who lost his job.
Situation/ Event
John loses his job
Thoughts
“I’ve failed”
“I won’t get another job now”
“I’ve let my family down”
“I’m not contributing anymore”
Em otions
Sad
Disappointed
Depressed
So, depression touches all areas of your life: your emotions, thoughts,
behaviours, your body and life situation (including family relationships,
social support, major life events, ongoing stress, etc).
Because all of these areas are connected and influence each other, vicious
circles develop which mean that the problems take on a life of their own, and
keep themselves going. This can be very difficult to manage, but it also
means that when you are trying to get better, changing one area can lead to
changes in the others:
The good news is we can do something to change this. For some people,
depression goes away on its own, without any treatment at all. However, for
many people, getting some help can be very useful. There are a wide variety
of treatments available for depression. Two of the most common are
medication and psychological therapy.
that are contributing to the depression – it gives them a sort of “chemical leg-
up”. But medication is rarely a complete treatment for mood problems –
although it helps, it is often important for people to make changes in their
lives. It has also been shown that for a number of people, the most effective
treatment is a combination of medication and psychological treatment.
Depression leads to doing less, but the doing less can make depression
worse. What may seem like a good coping strategy at the time actually tends
to either keep the depression going, or even make it worse. So don’t wait until
you feel like doing more. The more you wait, the less likely you are to get
better. Instead, gradually get yourself moving even though you don’t feel like
it. Sometimes, the less you feel like doing something, the more important it is
to do it.
Because you are depressed it may be hard for you to think that you are
managing to do anything. So it may be a good idea to have a look at what
you are actually doing.
One way to find out is to record what you are doing – like a personal diary.
Try this for a few days using the Activities Monitoring Sheet on the next page
(you will also find a blank version at the back of this guide). Each time you
write down an activity, give it two ratings out of ten - one for Enjoyment (E)
and the other for Achievement (A). ‘0’/10 for enjoyment would mean that you
did not enjoy the activity at all, and ‘10’/10 for enjoyment would mean that the
activity had been extremely enjoyable. ‘0’/10 for achievement would mean
that you did not feel like you achieved anything at all after that activity, while
‘10’/10 would mean that you had an extremely strong sense of achievement.
• Try to do the ratings at the time of the activity– that way it’s much easier to
remember how it was for you.
• Remember that things seem more difficult when you are depressed –
therefore, an activity that once was easy now seems to be quite a
challenge. If you manage to accomplish such an activity, you should give
yourself credit.
Stayed in bed
A 2 /10
E 4 /10
Morning
Made cup of
tea
A 7 /10 E 7
/10
Went back to
bed A 2 /10 E
4/10
Lay on sofa
watching TV
A 3/10 E
4/10
Afternoon Got dressed
A8 /10 E 5/10
Took dog for
short walk
A 9/10 E 8/10
Slept on sofa
A 2/10 E 4/10
Made some
dinner
A 8/10 E 7/10
Evening
Watched TV
then went to
bed early
A 4/10 E 4/10
Your Activities Monitoring Sheet can give you information on what you are
actually doing and enjoying. You may find that you are more active and
capable than you thought, or that you are doing more things that you enjoy
than you thought. Or you might find that you are doing very little and not
enjoying yourself at all. In either case, this is a good place to start setting
some goals. It is time to start trying to do a little bit more, and planning
activities for specific times during the day.
Sometimes starting to get active again can seem quite scary – like you don’t
know where to start. The first question to ask yourself is what activities can
be increased? What does your activity monitoring sheet suggest these could
be? You may remember from the previous section in this guide that when
people feel depressed, activity in the following four areas tends to get less:
Your examples:
Self care
Examples: Getting dressed each day. Following your usual self care routine
(eg washing face, brushing teeth, shaving or putting make up on). Exercising
regularly. Eating properly.
Your examples:
Your examples:
Small duties
Examples: Opening bills, paying bills, housework, food shopping, running
errands, tidying up a bit
Your examples:
Now pick two of the activities that you listed that are the most practical for you
to start changing right now. Your first two choices should be from different
areas.
1.
2.
For each of the activities you have chosen, set a doable goal for the coming
week. Remember – when you are depressed it is often very difficult to get
moving. As a result, you will need to set smaller goals than you usually
would.
Specific: Your goal should be very clear, so you will know when you have
done it.
Manageable: Start off with smaller goals – a good place to start is choosing a
task that you can handle no matter how bad you are feeling.
Active: Make a plan for what you will do, not how you will think or feel while
you are doing it.
Realistic: Your goals should be easy enough to do even if you feel terrible.
Time: It will help to carry the goal out if you decide when and how you are
going to do it, as well as how many times or for how long.
Leslie hadn’t looked at her bills for a month or even opened her post.
Knowing that getting her finances in order was important but feeling like it was
too much to do in one go, she decided to do it in a few steps.
Firstly, she decided to spend five minutes each day just opening the
envelopes that she had piled up (but not looking at the letters). Once she had
opened everything she decided to spend five minutes each day looking at the
letters and putting them in order of importance. Once she had done this she
decided to make a plan for dealing with them. She decided that Monday
evening would be a good time to start this.
Some people find it helpful to treat your goals like appointments with yourself.
If you wouldn’t break an appointment with someone else (like your doctor),
then don’t break a goal with yourself. If you must cancel one of these
appointments with yourself, reschedule immediately and don’t miss it a
second time.
What if you do extra? That’s great – but you still need to keep the next
appointment! Remember to keep it doable.
Now it is time to carry out your goals. Write your goals into your Activities
Record and Goal Sheet (you will find a blank copy at the back of this guide).
You can continue to monitor your activities alongside your goals and rate your
enjoyment and achievement. At first, you may not notice a sense of
achievement from completing your goals, but remind yourself that you are
doing something positive to help your depression so make sure you check it
off your list you made in step 2 – you have done something you wouldn’t have
done last week, and it probably wasn’t easy.
If you had some difficulty achieving your goal, what got in the way? Look
back at the criteria for a SMART goal.
• Was your goal too ambitious?
• Was it too vague? Then is probably time to rework your goal.
• If you set your goal too high or aren’t specific enough, it will be harder
to achieve.
• Do something more manageable, and make it as specific as possible.
• As your energy comes back, you will be able to do more. The most
important thing is to start moving, no matter how slowly.
When you feel ready, add another SMART goal. Pick one from another area.
For example, if you had one goal from Involvement with Family and Friends,
and another from Self-care, this time choose one from Personally Rewarding
Activities or Small Duties. Add your goal into your activity diary.
After another week of doing these goals, review the situation again.
SUMMARY
1. Monitor your activity to see what you are actually doing, rate your
Achievement and Enjoyment.
2. Use your Activity Monitoring Sheet to see what activities you normally do
that have decreased or stopped all together and make a list.
3. Pick 2 activities from your list (from different areas).
4. Make these activities into SMART goals.
5. Carry out your goals – write them into your Activities Record Sheet, rate
your Achievement and Enjoyment. When you have completed your goals
check them off your list and remember to praise yourself!
6. Review your progress after and when you are ready, add another goal
from your list.
Note that in this example, the event that Mary and Sarah experienced was the
same. But because they had different ideas about it, what they felt in the
situation was completely different. This shows our basic understanding of the
links between thinking and feeling in depression.
When people feel depressed they have particular ways of thinking about the
world that can trigger or worsen the experience of depression – So depression
can cause us to think very negatively. This thinking is very often:
• Unfair. For example, negative events are given much more significance
than positive ones.
• Unrealistic. Things seem much worse than they actually are and take on
a bigger meaning to us.
This unfair and unrealistic thinking affects the way we make sense of events
and situations. For example:
3. Seeing a future that is bleak and disappointing and expect the worst
to happen.
“This will never get better – it will probably only get worse”
When people are depressed, they tend to have thoughts that are generally
unfair and unrealistic. They are unhelpful because they aren’t accurate
thoughts about the self, the current situation, and the future. They are also
automatic; they seem to appear out of nowhere, and are not the result of
reasoning or decision making. Sometimes they are so automatic they are
difficult to spot. Unfortunately, these thoughts can also seem very believable
– and so there seems to be very little reason to doubt them.
You will find some common forms of unhelpful thinking on the next page. Do
recognise any of them in yourself?
Filtering. Only looking at the bad, never the good. You may single out a
negative detail and dwell on it, ignoring any good things you have done.
You may see only your weaknesses and mistakes, and disregard your
strengths and accomplishments.
All or nothing thinking. You see things as black and white with nothing
in between. You are either fat or thin, smart or stupid, depressed or
happy, and so on. There is no in-between. Gradual progress is never
enough – only a complete change will do. “Who cares if I only did half of
it? It’s still not finished!”
Labelling. You talk to yourself in a harsh way, calling yourself names like
“stupid”, “idiot”, “failure”, or whatever is the worst insult for you. You feel
like these labels sum you up.
Mindreading. You know what others are thinking of you, and it’s always
bad. As a result, you react to what you imagine they are thinking without
bothering to ask.
Fortune Telling. You know what the future will bring, and it’s usually
negative. Nothing will work out, so why bother trying? Result: You bring
about the future you fear.
Perfectionism. It’s only good enough if it’s perfect. And because it’s
never perfect, you are never satisfied and can never take pride in
anything.
Shoulds. You know how you should be and how the world should be –
but you are not, and neither is the world. “I should not upset people”. “I
ought to have achieved more than this.” Result: You are constantly
disappointed and angry with yourself and everyone around you.
When you start to become aware of unhelpful thinking, you may feel tempted
to attack yourself. “How could I think such stupid thoughts??” Remember,
depression causes you to criticise yourself, and recognising unhelpful
thinking gives you one more way to beat yourself up. Instead, remind yourself
that unhelpful patterns of thinking may have been learned during a difficult
childhood, or may even be the product of depression itself. You are not stupid
for having unhelpful thoughts – they are normal during depression. There
is a blank thought diary form at the back of this guide that you can copy and
use to record your thoughts.
1 October Friend cancels lunch She doesn’t like me. (mind-reading) Sad – 100%
plans No one likes me. (overgeneralization) Lonely – 90%
Everywhere I go I’m rejected – the world is a cold place. Hopeless – 90%
(catastrophising)
Next, write down the negative thoughts that seem to be related to how you
feel (you can categorise the type of distortion if you want.).
The next step is the most important: Think about the situation and try to
come up with a different explanation or a different idea about it. Sometimes
this is as simple as reminding yourself you don’t have enough information to
know for certain what is happening! This process is similar to having an
argument with yourself – fight back against your negative thinking by giving
yourself a chance to think fairly and realistically about what has happened.
Ask yourself ‘what would my friend say in this situation, if it happened to
them?’ Finally, check your mood after coming up with some different, more
rational, ways of thinking. The table on the next page show’s this process in
action (you will find a blank version at the back of this guide).
DATE SITUATION NEGATIVE THOUGHT EMOTION FAIR AND REALISTIC THOUGHT EMOTION
(rate 1-100) (rate 1-100)
October 1 Friend cancels lunch She doesn’t like me. (mindreading) Sad – 100% I don’t know why she cancelled: Sad – 40%
plans No one likes me. (overgeneralisation) Lonely – 90% maybe something urgent came up. Lonely – 20%
Everywhere I go I’m rejected – the world Hopeless – 90% It’s only lunch. Hopeful – 40%
is a cold place. (catastrophising) Some people do seem to like me, so I
must be likable.
This lunch doesn’t mean much about
the world as a whole.
I’ve been accepted before.
Here are some questions that might help you come up with more fair and
realistic thoughts:
1. What evidence do I have for this thought? Would most people say that it
supports your negative thought? If not, what conclusion could you draw instead?
4. What is a less extreme way of looking at this situation? (Negative thinking tends
to be extreme: I’ll always be alone, I’ll never succeed at anything. Does this
situation mean that you will always be alone, or never succeed at anything??)
5. How would somebody else think about this situation? How would someone else
react? Maybe I need to ask around and find out.
6. What would I tell somebody else if they were worried about this? (We are often
much more realistic about other people than ourselves.)
REMEMBER……..
It is not enough to come up with a rational, fair, and realistic thought just
once. Negative thinking gets repeated over and over – it is a habit that is
hard to break.
More balanced thinking will help you feel better, but it will take practice.
Unlike negative thinking, it is not automatic, at least not at first. It usually takes
practice before getting the hang of more realistic thinking and we can start
seeing a more balanced and realistic picture of ourselves and our
experiences.
There will be some situations in your life that are quite likely to trigger
unhelpful thoughts. If you can be prepared for these it will be easier to deal
with them at the time. Look back over your charts from Step 1 and 2: What
are some of your most common trigger situations? Write them down.
“Trigger situations”:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Now – go over your fair and realistic thinking for these situations. When you
find yourself in these situations, don’t wait for your automatic thoughts to kick
in. Deliberately start rehearsing your fair and realistic thinking. You will have
to tell yourself how to look at the situation – almost as though you were giving
advice to a friend. If the unhelpful thinking starts – respond! Fight back!
You may feel as though you are having an argument with yourself, but that is
okay – every time you talk back to your unhelpful thinking, it gets weaker and
your fair and realistic thinking gets stronger.
SUMMARY
1. Keep a thought diary of your negative thoughts and write down how
they make you feel. Try to recognise what kind of negative thinking
you are experiencing, mind reading? Catastrophising?
2. Start challenging your negative thinking with more fair and realistic
thoughts.
When people get depressed, they find it more difficult to solve problems.
Sometimes this means an inability to deal with the problems that started the
depression in the first place, but often it spreads to difficulty dealing with many
of the common problems that occur in daily life.
When you consider these factors, it is no great surprise that problems aren’t
getting solved and are piling up. What can be done? A good place to start is
to remind yourself that your problem-solving ability is not as good as it usually
is – so go easy on yourself! This is a normal symptom of depression, and
can get better.
One way to make problem solving more doable is to follow a specific process.
If you’re having difficulty trying to solve problems, try the following steps.
Before you solve a problem, you have to figure out what it is. What are the
problems you are facing at the moment? Make a list. Some of your problems
may be larger then others. Write them all down, even if they seem trivial or
embarrassing. Don’t spend time thinking about them – just list them on the
next page and move on.
Problem List:
1.
2.
3.
Chose a problem that you really want to solve, and one that seems
manageable (remember to think SMART from page 15).
What are the things that you could do that might help this situation? Write
down as many things as you can think of – don’t worry if they will solve the
problem completely or if the idea seems unlikely to work. Write it down
anyway!
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
Now think about the advantages and disadvantages to the solutions you have
listed. You can use the chart on the next page to help you choose a solution.
Now pick the best solution to your problem and write it down.
The solution may need to be broken down into smaller steps. For example, if
your problem was being out of work, the solution may be “Look for a new job”.
It’s hard to know where to start! Think about all of the steps that will be
needed to carry out this action. Be very specific! SMART thinking applies
here too.
So, if one of the solutions to your current problem is to look for a new job, a
good first step might be “go to the newsagents and buy a newspaper this
afternoon”. A second step might be “tonight, look at the job advertisements
and see what is available”. A third step might be “decide which ones I will
apply for by the end of the week”, and a fourth step might be “ spend one hour
updating my CV on Tuesday”. And so on.
Write down your action plan and most importantly, carry it out!
______
Perhaps it is time to tackle a new problem – have a look back at your problem
list. What should you try to work on next? Follow the steps of problem
solving we have worked on, and record your results.
SUMMARY
2. Choose a problem you want to solve from your list, one that you feel is
doable (SMART) and write it down.
3. Think about all the possible solutions to the problem and write them
down, no matter how unlikely the solution seems.
5. Make it happen – carry out your chosen solution. You may need to
break it down into smaller steps (SMART thinking applies here too).
Remember to congratulate yourself when you solve a problem and
once solved, you can begin working on a new problem.
One of the very unfair things about depression is that your brain deals with
positive information and negative information very differently. Good things
that happen are very often ignored, and all the focus is placed on the
negative things that happen. If someone says something that you think is
critical of you, you may remember it for days – but if someone says something
nice, you may tell yourself they don’t really mean it. So – what you notice are
the negative things, and what you ignore and forget are the positive things
here are some techniques to try to challenge this unhelpful thinking style.
Start keeping track of the good things that happen in your life by writing them
down. This will allow you to develop a more FAIR, REALISTIC, and
POSITIVE view of yourself and your situation. This will be very hard. At first,
you may think that the things you write down are silly or trivial or don’t mean
anything. But it is important to write them down anyway! Over time, you may
begin to realise that there are more positive occasions than you once noticed
– and many that you previously ignored.
Tackling depression is hard work. You deserve to reward yourself for things
you do manage, or for any positive changes you notice in yourself – like
changes in your thinking, behaviour, or mood. Rewards you can give yourself
may be limited by money and time, but there are some things you can do.
What about letting yourself go for a nice walk when the sun is shining? Or
have a nice bath? Or spend half an hour reading a book? Think about what
you enjoy – then do it!
When people are depressed, it is very unusual for them to be able to name
very many good qualities about themselves. Most people can only come up
with very negative things. In fact, even when not depressed, many of us have
grown up in a culture that frowns on people who “blow their own trumpet” and
encourages people to be modest about their achievements. Because of this,
recognising your positive points can be doubly hard.
Look at the list below and give yourself a rating for each. 0 means you have
none of that quality, 1 means you have a little, and 2 means you have quite a
bit.
Now go through the list, and pick out all the qualities you rated with a 2 or a 1
and write them out below.
If you think of any other positive personal qualities that aren’t on the list, add
them on and give yourself a rating.
You may have made a number of ratings of 2 and 1, or perhaps only a few.
But even if you only have one or two, then that is a start. These are good
qualities about yourself that you can use to start building up a better, more
positive picture of yourself.
How do your friends and family see you? How would they rate you on that
list? Would they have more positive things to say about you? Sometimes it
can be quite helpful to think about what a good friend would say. If you feel
brave enough, show the list to a friend or family member and ask them to rate
you. Compare that list of ratings to your own.
Now try writing your good qualities out on a card. Look at it as often as you
can. Instead of listening to the voice in your head that says you are useless, a
failure, or whatever insult it prefers, try to think over your positive qualities. If
you can make yourself rehearse your good qualities as often as you rehearse
the bad ones, then you might come to believe there are some positive things
about you.
STEP 4 Reflection:
Try keeping your diary of good or nice things that happen to you and times
where your positive qualities occur in a notebook that is handy to carry around
with you. It is best to write down these times as soon as possible after they
happen so you don’t forget or discount them later. Just one or two positive
recordings a day is a great start. Take some time to reflect upon your diary
weekly to allow positive qualities to sink in and affect how you feel about
yourself.
SUMMARY
1. Write down good things that happen to you no matter how small or
trivial they seem, remember that you will need to watch out for negative
thoughts during depression.
2. Take some time to reward yourself when you have done something
positive.
3. Take some time recognise your positive qualities and build upon this,
writing down when you have recognised other qualities and when these
qualities have been demonstrated.
4. Take time on a weekly basis to reflect upon your findings, this will help
create a more positive view of yourself and your situation.
6.2 SLEEP
• Set a standard bedtime and rising time. Your body operates on a sleep-
wake cycle that works best when it is on a regular schedule. You will find
it easier to fall asleep if you keep regular bed and rising times.
• Don’t go to bed too early. It may seem like a good idea, but if you never
fall asleep until midnight, then don’t go to bed at 11 pm. If you want to
start falling asleep earlier, do it gradually. Start by going to bed about 30
minutes before you usually fall asleep. You can gradually increase then
(for example, 30 minutes a week).
• Save your bedroom for sleep. If you can, avoid associating your bedroom
with activities unrelated to sleep – like arguing, watching TV, doing work,
exercising, talking on the phone and so on. Sex, though, is fine.
• Create a good sleeping environment. Not too hot, not too cold. Nice and
dark. Is noise a problem? Consider earplugs or devices that emit white
noise (e.g., fans).
• Avoid napping during the day. Unless you can keep it to 20 minutes, a
nap may make it harder for you to fall asleep at bedtime.
• Prepare for sleep. Avoid strenuous activity, exercise, heavy meals and
bright lights for at least an hour before going to bed.
• Practice deep breathing or other relaxation strategies when attempting to
fall asleep.
• Focusing on your worries or on how much you need to sleep will only keep
you awake! Try to focus on something else, something more pleasant. If
you can’t stop worrying, sometimes getting up and making a list of your
worries can help –remind yourself that you can address the problems on
the list tomorrow.
• Are you a clock checker? It might help to turn your alarm clock around so
that you can’t see the time.
• Remind yourself that everyone has a terrible night’s sleep sometimes –
don’t get too stressed about it. People can very usually operate just fine
the next day, even without a good night’s sleep.
• You probably slept more than you think!! Research shows that people –
especially those with difficulty sleeping - tend to underestimate how much
sleep they actually get.
Morning
Afternoon
Evening
Morning
Afternoon
Evening
DATE SITUATION • NEGATIVE THOUGHT What EMOTION FAIR AND REALISTIC THOUGHT EMOTION
was going through my mind (rate 1-100) (what would my friend, relative say?) (rate 1-100)
just then?
Record thought, and if you like, try
to classify the kind of distortion