The Power of

Saying “I’m Sorry”

“I’m sorry.” Those two words are ones Dear Kim,
we have all had to say or write in difficult I am sorry I missed your presentation this morning. I
or uncomfortable situations. This article know it was my job to be there to provide the latest
is all about those words, their power, financial data, and I am very sorry I let you down.
and how to express our regrets and As I mentioned in my phone message, an accident on
apologies effectively. the bridge caused traffic to back up for nearly an
hour. Although I left for work in plenty of time to be
By Lynn Gaertner-Johnston there for your presentation, the accident caused me
Founder, Syntax Training to arrive after your time on the agenda.
I emailed the data to you when I arrived. If you
I don’t know about parents around the globe, but would like me to do anything else to make up for my
where I live parents regularly break up spats between absence, please let me know.
small children, instructing them, “I want you two to Please accept my apology.
both say you’re sorry!” After both children complain
Renee
that it’s not their fault, they reluctantly say they are
sorry. With the words “I’m sorry” ending the In the situation above, it might be tempting simply
argument, the children move on to their next activity, to leave Kim a quick phone message of apology. But
often playing happily side by side within minutes. the written note makes it clear that Renee regrets
what happened and that she does not take it lightly.
As adults at work, saying we are sorry seems more
complicated. When we say it (and write it), we This apology covers a more sensitive situation:
worry that we may be accepting blame, admitting
liability, and apologizing ourselves into a corner. Dear Robert,

But apologies can free us in many ways. As with I wanted to write to you regarding our conversation
the other day about the new team member. I
children, our apologies let us move on to the next
activity. They also free the people to whom we apologize for making inappropriate assumptions
apologize by helping them let go of their bad feelings about your hiring decision.
about the wrong done to them. They help everyone I realize since we talked that I simply liked the
acknowledge that business decisions can negatively candidate from Ghana and was disappointed that I
affect people’s lives, sometimes deeply and lastingly. won’t have the chance to work with him. I understand
Apologies communicate the messages “I respect you” now why you chose Santosh and how she will
and “I recognize that you are a human being with complement our skills and experience.
feelings” without actually using those words. I regret the comment I made, and I promise to
support Santosh 100 percent. Please accept my
In speech, “I’m sorry” may be all we need to say.
But in writing, an apology requires more. Here is an apology.
example of an apology written to a coworker: Sincerely,
Randy

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Randy’s apology communicates several important with a sentiment like this: “I am sorry you took it the
things to Robert: that Randy regrets the remark he wrong way.” Instead, use statements like these:
made, understands that his assumptions were inap-
propriate, and intends to support the new employee “I am sorry for the part I played in our
completely. Although Randy might have hesitated to misunderstanding.”
“document” his mistake by mentioning it in writing, “I regret that I was not able to respond in a way
he has successfully documented his realization and that was helpful.”
his apology.
“I am sorry that what I said hurt your feelings.”
Because written apologies last beyond the moment “I am sorry about what happened.”
and do not provide an opportunity for immediate
two-way communication, it’s important to follow “I apologize for the frustration this situation has
certain guidelines when writing them. Consider these caused you.”
suggestions and adapt them to your situations: “I am very sorry we were unable to agree.”

Do use the words “I apologize,” “I regret,” and “I If you are a supervisor or manager, you will find it
am sorry.” Use “we” or “on behalf of” when you helpful to apologize when a situation has caused
apologize as a representative. problems or hard feelings—even when you are not
responsible for the situation. In these cases, “I am
Do ask the reader to accept your apology. Your
sorry” does not mean “I am responsible.” It means “I
request engages the reader and asks for care about you and your feelings.” Here are two
reconciliation. examples:
Do briefly explain what happened, if applicable. “I am very sorry that the new date for the
Do name what you will do to remedy the product launch has affected your vacation
situation, if applicable. plans.”
Don’t bring up other topics. “I am sorry that the construction will require you
to park so far from the plant.”
Don’t criticize the reader in any way. For
example, don’t say, “If only you had let me know Don’t be sorry about apologizing! It is one of the best
sooner.” steps you can take to maintain good relationships,
overcome hard feelings, nurture loyalty, and show
Don’t blame anyone else. For example, don’t respect for other human beings.
say, “My manager insisted that I. . . .”
Don’t offer a “sorry but.” For example, don’t The mission of Syntax Training is to help employees
say, “I am sorry, but you must also accept and managers write better. Syntax Training courses
responsibility.” Apologize sincerely for your own provide participants with tools, tips, strategies, skill
behavior. practice, feedback, and job aids to help them write
better, guaranteed. The company is located in Seattle,
Washington, USA.
Sometimes it is beneficial to apologize even though
you have done nothing wrong. It’s better to For more information, visit http://syntaxtraining.com
apologize and move on rather than refusing to and http://www.businesswritingblog.com.
apologize. Such a refusal saps energy and erects a © Syntax Training. Please contact us for permission to
wall between people. reproduce this copyrighted material in your company
publication or on your website, or to distribute it
In awkward situations that seem to require an internally.
apology, tell yourself that you will apologize
respectfully because the other person needs it. Then
apologize. Do not point a finger at the other person

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