Dakin 1

Faith Dakin

ENG 1201

Mr. Slye

27 March 2022

Discipline styles

There is a very large population of people who have children or are considering children,

all wondering what the best way to discipline their child is. They wonder if the way they are

disciplining their child will make a lasting negative impact. Disciplining your child doesn’t

generally come with a set of rules and every parent wonders if they are doing it correctly.

However, knowing your child and their attitudes is helpful. Thankfully with the right research

you can find the answer to at least some of your questions. There are a lot of opinions

surrounding raising and disciplining your child, but studies show that the technique that could

cause the most harm especially if practiced too often is physical punishment.

Understanding why a child might act the way they are is important. They could be too

young to understand what they are doing is wrong, in that case it is important for you to explain

it in a way they might understand. The child could be upset but don’t know how to express it,

that is why giving them multiple ways to express their feelings and talking about feelings is

important. Going along with talking about their feelings, they could be stressed from a major

change. Sometimes kids act out for attention, maybe even because they are not receiving enough

positive attention. This is why attention, specifically positive attention, is important. Not feeling

independent or feeling constricted in some way will upset even adults, so why not children too?

To avoid bad behavior due to this try giving them a little independence based on what is safe and

appropriate for their age, you can also offer choices, which gives them a sense of control. These
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are just a couple of reasons your child might misbehave, knowing and understanding why a child

is acting the way they do won’t always fix the problem, that’s why discipline is a tool parents

can use. So how does each discipline style effect your child?

According to webmd.com discipline is “the process of teaching your child what type of

behavior is acceptable and what type is not acceptable” “discipline teaches a child to follow

rules”, and to Better Health Channel it means “teaching them responsible behavior and self-

control”. In other words, good discipline isn’t about punishment, it is about teaching. When

choosing a discipline technique, there is no “one size fits all”, you want to understand the child

and consider age, temperament, and behavior being exhibited. It is important to know the child

and their temperament, you don’t want to turn them into someone they are not, you just want

them to behave appropriately. Understanding their age and stage of development is also

important when choosing discipline because you want them to understand what is being asked of

them as well as the correlation to the consequence.

According to each of the sources I used, communication is always important. Even when

raising and disciplining children. Creating and communicating a discipline plan is very helpful.

Clearly explain desirable and undesirable behavior, as well as rules, expectations, and boundaries

in a way the child will understand. Doing this can help avoid future conflict and confusion. If

this doesn’t work that’s when you might resort to discipline. Routines help children stay

grounded and when you work together to create these routines it can be an effective way to

communicate expectations. Warnings are another good method of communicating; it lets the

child know that if the behavior persists there will be consequences. you can also talk to them to

see what is wrong, however this won’t always excuse the behavior, it will only explain it,

listening to their perspective makes them feel heard. Talking about and listening to their feelings
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regarding certain situations is another way to make them feel heard and maybe even in control, it

is also a good way to teach empathy. If you mess up always apologize after you’ve calmed

down, just as you expect your child to, it is a good way to maintain a relationship and maintain

trust. It is also a good teaching moment since being honest about when we make mistakes is

important. On top of communicating all of that stuff, you also want to compliment and

encourage good, or desired behavior. According to GreatSchools.org “Positive reinforcement

helps children increase good behavior” and it is your best tool.

Respect and consistency are two very important rules to remember. If you have little to

no consistent follow through, you will likely not meet your goal of stopping an undesired

behavior. Keeping goals and consequences consistent will help the child understand the

consequences for their actions. And to avoid confusion and miscommunication you want to make

sure you and the other present adult communicate and agree with the rules, expectations, and

discipline used. You also want to respect your child, it is important not only because they are a

person and therefore deserving of respect, but it also helps the child respect you and everyone

else. Showing your child respect will also help build a relationship based on trust and mutual

respect. Don’t treat or speak to your child in a way that would upset you if done to you, it is

important to lead by example and treat them how you would like to be treated. This is why you

always apologize when necessary and communicate your expectations.

Properly rewarding good behavior is the best tool you have; it motivates children to do

well. You will not find a single negative thing about properly rewarding and recognizing good

behavior. Positive reinforcement is important. You want to “catch them” being good and point it

out. Staying focused on good behavior rather than bad is helpful, that’s why giving them positive
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attention is the most powerful tool you have in encouraging good behavior and discouraging bad

behavior.

One discipline type that is very popular among all generations is time out. The

‘appropriate’ use of time outs calls for “brief, infrequent, previously explained breaks from an

interaction” (childmind.org).  It is “recommended by most pediatricians as a way to curb

negative behaviors ranging from talking back to physical aggression.” (childmind.org).

According to some research time outs are an effective and nonharmful technique when

disciplining children. Time out is not meant for the child to feel hurt, humiliated, or embarrassed,

it is meant to be used as an opportunity for self-reflection. Some guidelines you could follow to

ensure you are using time outs as effectively as possible go as follows. Make sure timeouts are

short; some people recommend only 3 minutes no matter the age, and others recommend 1

minute per year of age, and researchers claim it works best for ages 2-8. Make sure you are clear

on what behavior led to the time out. You want to make sure you are using it consistently. You

want to use it based on what behavior you are trying to discourage, but you also want to make

sure you use it sparingly and not on all minor issues. This is why you pick a few bad behaviors to

use it with. After the time out it is helpful to give the opportunity to fix their behavior. It is

helpful to use it on behavior that is thought to be attention motivated because by putting the child

into time out you are taking away the attention to the negative behavior.

Some people argue against time outs. They claim it is isolating and can cause the child to

feel abandoned during a time where they are very emotional. It has been compared to solitary

confinement. People who are against time outs say it can lead to a power struggle or leave the

child angrier than before. All of which would make this form of discipline ineffective. They

recommend “time in” instead. “Time in” is when parents empathize with the child and their
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struggles and talk about it instead of teaching. This technique has cons of its own though because

doing this might be thought of as a punishment in itself and can lead to arguing and excuses.

You can also put yourself in time out. Every parent needs a break once in a while and that

is okay. That is why you make sure your child is in a safe place and put yourself in “time out”.

Only do it when it’s safe to do so, to avoid harm or injury to the child. A break can also give you

time to think about how you feel and how you would like to proceed with a situation.

Some parents like to use natural consequences when discipling their children. “Natural

consequences are consequences that occur in response to a behavior without parental influence.”

(The Melissa Institute). Using this takes any “blame” from the parents when the child doesn’t

like the consequences, and it helps the child understand that just because their parent wasn’t

there to see it, doesn’t mean there won’t be any consequences for their actions. When using this

technique, you want to make sure the consequences won’t cause real harm put them in a truly

unsafe situation. Natural consequences don’t always work or apply to a situation. That’s why

some parents use logical consequences alongside natural consequences.

“Logical consequences are consequences that are set by an adult.” (The Melissa Institute)

and it uses the 3 R’s. The 3 R’s are related (to behavior), respectful (towards child, no shaming

or blaming), and reasonable (in both the child’s and the parent’s perspectives). When using the

logical method of discipline, you always want to take a moment to calm down, you want to avoid

yelling. Patience is key. You want to apply the logical discipline technique immediately after the

undesirable behavior to ensure the child understands why they are being disciplined. Whenever

possible you want to do it privately to avoid shame or humiliation. You also want to set the

consequences and stick to them; this goes along with consistency. Make sure you also give the
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child positive feedback and encouragement as well as routinely checking in to make sure they

feel heard, loved, and appreciated. You won’t always find a logical consequence for every

situation, that’s why it’s important to communicate and check in with the child. Giving them a

choice helps you come up with reasonable disciplines that you and your child both agree with as

well as helping your child feel in control.

Despite a lot of research suggesting spanking is bad and has negative effects on children,

it is a controversial subject and about 80% of the parent population use spanking as a form of

discipline. It is a method that can work momentarily to stop undesirable behavior since children

are afraid of being hit. It is typically used on children ages 2-6, but only after defying other types

of more mild punishment when used correctly. In a controlled environment spanking can be an

effective form of discipline as well as when done by loving well-intentioned parents in an

environment without abuse and strictly used for discipline, especially due to the shock factor it

creates. You basically shock the child into better behavior. It has to be done in a calm and loving

environment focused on teaching the child good behavior, instead of just making the parent feel

better in the heat of the moment. Some parents believe it is the only way to send a lasting

message, but it is not for daily use. They also argue the validity of the studies conducted and

claim they only show correlation, not cause. They claim that the studies do not discriminate the

amount of physical punishment used or distinguish whether it was abusive or not. It is important

to remember that all children are different and respond to each type of discipline differently.

On the other end of physical discipline, some people think physical punishment is

legalized violence against children. 30 countries have banned physical punishment, but the U.S.

has not. Many claim it is not an appropriate or consistently effective way to discipline bad

behavior and it does not work long-term. Children are afraid to be hit so they may comply simply
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out of fear and no lesson is truly learned. Children who are physically punished are more likely

to hit their peers when unhappy and they are more likely to use physical punishment themselves

as parents. There is a potential where when a parent is motivated by anger and frustration, they

might get carried away, use it too often or use this discipline technique incorrectly and more

aggressive. Parents might also escalate when physical punishment doesn’t work and spank their

child more often and use things to discipline other than their hand. According to healthline.com

“Spanking causes similar emotional and developmental harm as abuse to children.” Children

who are spanked are more likely to defy their parents and experience antisocial behavior,

aggression, mental health issues, cognitive difficulties, fear, and physical injury.

Every child and every situation is different and there is a discipline technique you can use

for just about any every situation. You just have to know your child and make sure the

punishment if fair. However, there is one discipline type that has way more research supported

evidence of negative effects than positive, and discipline type would be physical punishment.

There are always better and safer options to discipline your child so physical punishment should

not be used.
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Countdown | Global Initiative to End All Corporal Punishment of Children (endcorporalpunishment.org)

Works Cited

Suna, Elise, M.S.Ed. LMFT, The Melissa Institute, “Positive Parenting: Using Natural and 

Logical Consequences”, www.Melissainstitute.org, April 23, 2019 (Used for definitions

and logical consequences)

Smith, Brendan L. American Phycological Association, “The Case Against Spanking”,  

www.apa.org, April 2012, Vol 43, No. 4

Campbell, Leah, medically reviewed by Gill, Karen, M.D., Healthline “The Pros and Cons of 

Spanking”, www.healthline.com, July 6, 2016

Department of health, NAPCAN, Betterhealthchannel.vic.gov, “Discipline and Children”, 

www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au, August 21, 2014. 

Healthy children.org, “What is the best way to discipline my child?”, 

www.healthychildren.org, November 5, 2018.

 Lack, Evonne, Greatschools.org, “What’s your discipline style?”, 

www.greatschools.org, August 10, 2009.

 Roybal, Beth, Grow by WebMD, “Parents, kids, and discipline”, 

www.webmd.com, December 17, 2021.

Martinelli, Katherine, Child Mind Institute, “Are Time Outs Harmful to Children?”

www.childmind.org