UNIT III

The Counselling Relationship

Regard & Respect – Authenticity – Empathy
The Counselling Relationship
• Relationship is important for counselling
• Roger stressed the importance of relationship
• Method called as ‘Reflection of Feelings’ – like a mirror – that neutrally reflects the
feelings of client to himself
• Feelings from client can be verbal or nonverbal – both may not resemble the same
• Client forms the – content of the relationship
• Counsellor forms – style and structure of the relationship Features of counselling
relationship (Kottler)
1. It is a basis for a change to take place
2. It has explicit (unambiguous) goal and purpose
3. It is in accordance with the values, expectations and needs of the client
4. Time is valuable
5. Core conditions like regards & respect – authenticity – empathy – realness – genuineness
– acceptance are all mandatory
6. It is an agreement between counsellor and counselee
7. It is multidimensional
8. It is dynamic

Respect & Regard

Definition: Counsellor does not evaluate and judge client’s actions or statements – behaviour
is viewed neutrally Characteristics
• Believe the problem as genuine
• Rely on client (dependability & consistency)
• Communication – unambiguously
• Attitude – caring and warmth
• Respect client needs
• No generalization of problems
• Empathetic and sensitive (receptive, insightful, thin-skinned)
• Accept client in all facets (multifaceted)
• Show mild behaviour – do not threaten
• Do not criticize the past – enhance the development
Authenticity
Definition: It is being valid, legitimate, accurate and genuine with faithfulness and realism
that enhances the dependability of anyone for anything.
• Roger equated congruence (similarity, resemblance) with genuineness (authenticity)
• Counsellor should be congruent – genuine – integrated (whole) – authentic self
• Counsellor opens about his feelings with respect to client & relationship, if it can play a
positive role Characteristics
1. Concreteness
2. Being very specific
3. Genuineness
4. Honest and realness
5. Self – disclosure
6. Non – dominating
7. Providing facts
8. Facilitation
9. Being Original
10. Selfless
Empathy
Definition: (Rogers)
To sense the client’s private world as if were yours own, but without ever losing the ‘as if’
quality Empathy feels ‘into’ – sympathy feels ‘with’
Levels of empathy (Egan)
Primary level • Interchangeability between client’s statements and counsellor’s response
Advance level • Facilitates deeper exploration of relevant issues based on primary level
Dimensions of empathy (Bucheimer)
1. Tone (verbal & nonverbal)
2. Pace (timing of counsellor leads)
3. Flexibility (counsellor’s adaptability to client’s situation)
4. Perception of counselees’ frame of reference
5. Repertoire of leads (resourcefulness of counsellor to vary his approach/ methods)
Characteristics
1. Understanding clients feelings – meanings
2. Understanding and reflecting mood – tone
3. Ability to feel & perceive problems from clients view
4. Being sensitive without emotional attachment
5. Based on self – exploration and self – understanding.

Genuineness
Genuineness is the product of life experiences that make it possible to be self-observant, self-
aware and self-accepting of strength and limitations. A genuine relationship consists of a
consistent and honest openness and behavior matching with the verbalized intentions and
values of social work.
Transference
Transference is a form of displacement in which the individual unconsciously displaces on to
a current object with those drives, defenses, attitudes, feelings and responses which were
experienced or developed in relationship with earlier persons in the individual’s life. These
transferred elements could be affection, attraction or repulsion, yearning or defensiveness,
liking or dislike and may occur at any point in helping relationship. Transference is said to
have taken place when the client reacts in appropriately with excessive or distorted feelings
towards the case worker. As seen in many case work relationships, the client often remark to
the worker, you are like a father, mother to me or may say let us be friends. Transference may
also manifest itself in the way the client reacts towards the worker by being very obedient,
helpless and approval seeking. The worker has to recognize these non-verbal cues. The effort
in the case work relationship is to maintain reality and to keep the client and the worker
aware of their joint objective, their separate and realistic identities and their focus upon
working some better adaptation between the client and his/her current problem.
Counter-transference
The case worker may also be expected to unconsciously transfer into the professional
relationship, certain positive or negative reactions that are realistically un called for, for
example, distrust, hostility or strong feelings of attachment. This phenomenon is called
counter transference. Counter transference that is, transference on the part of the helping
person. Any subjective involvement on the part of the case worker with the client or client’s
problem may be part of a real counter transference or it may represent only a single instance
of loss of professional objectivity. To illustrate, let us take up the case of a medical social
worker who worked at the emergency ward of the hospital and was handling a man who had
brought his wife to the hospital in a critical condition from the road accident. The man was in
a tension state of emotional trauma while narrating about the love for his wife and how the
accident had taken place. The worker so moved with the details of the case that she began to
identify with the man and somewhere related to his life with her own. Finally when his wife
died, both the client as well as the worker sobbed. In this case the worker got involved with
her own personal feelings and lost the objectivity. She had unable to provide the professional
help that she ought to. The case worker must remain objective throughout the helping
relationship and be aware of his/ her feelings. If at all they do crop up, they must be handled
and controlled.

Techniques of counselling
Counselling is an extension of the helping relationship and the positive outcomes of the
process depend largely on the helper. The counsellor’s personal as well as professional
qualities influence the counselling process. Self-awareness, understanding of others, the
ability to relate to others, academic training, and a set of professional skills are essential
qualities of a counsellor.
Professional skills required to be an effective counsellor
Active Listening
Counsellors not only listen to the words spoken by the clients but also to the feelings, facial
expression, emotion, gestures, and the unspoken thoughts of the clients. This means, when
the client speaks the counsellor must give full attention. Active listening is essential for
arriving at an objective assessment of the client’s problem and determining appropriate
strategies for starting the healing process. Attending In the counselling process, listening
and attending skills go together. Active listening is possible only when the counsellor gives
total attention to the client. Total attention giving behavior of the counsellor means using
body language, facial expression, eye contact, head nod and such other non-verbal
expressions. If the counsellor is attending to phone calls, writing on the note pad, not looking
at the client, sitting away from the client with crossed arms, showing no facial expression or
such other cues would be perceived by the client as devaluing him/her. Leaning forward
towards the client indicates an attending gesture. On the other hand, if the counsellor sits or
leans too closely, the client may feel intimidated and withdraws instead of opening about the
problem.
Egan (1994) has summarized the useful non-verbal behavior in counselling as Techniques of
Counselling
SOLER. S - Facing the client squarely indicates total attention to the client.
O – Open posture; crossed arms/legs may indicate less involvement of the counsellor.
L – Leaning towards the client shows the counsellor’s interest.
E – Eye contact with the client.
R – Relaxed state of the counsellor which acts as social modeling for the client to achieve
relaxation.
Paraphrasing: This is restating or rewording the content (what is said by the client) back to
the client. This should not be mere parroting the words back to the client. Paraphrasing
involves reflection of the content and feelings of the client. Paraphrasing and reflection help
in confirming with the client if the counsellor has understood the problem as narrated by the
client.
Empathy: This refers to the counsellor’s ability to sense what the client is feeling,
experiencing and thinking. Empathic skill involves the use of attending, listening and
interpersonal sensitivity of the counsellor.
Asking Questions: Counsellors ask questions for fact finding and engaging with the client.
Fact finding questions are used for collecting data such as age, occupation, family status etc.
regarding a new client. Open-ended questions help in engaging and establishing a
relationship with the client. Open-ended questions are used to elicit a response from the
client, probe and expand a response given by the client or explore deeper into the client’s
problem. Immediacy
Immediacy refers to the counsellor disclosing feelings about the client or the therapeutic
interaction at that moment as it happens. For example, after listening to a student who
suffered sexual abuse, the counsellor may share his/her feeling towards the student:
Counsellor: “I appreciate you trusted me with one of the most traumatic experiences of your
life. And I respect your courage for confronting the problem”.
Self-disclosure: This refers to the counsellor stating feelings about a similar situation as the
client is presently in. For example, the counsellor disclosing to a student seeking help for
dealing with public speaking phobia: Counsellor: “When I had to speak before the class, I
used to stutter”. The skills of self-disclosure and immediacy are closely associated. Self-
disclosure promotes immediacy in your relationship with the client. Self-disclosure
intervention should be used in appropriate context and time only. According to Kottler and
Kottler (2007), “Self-disclosures are best employed when you wish.
Techniques and Procedures to (a) demonstrate that the student is not alone, (b) bridge
perceived distance between you, and (c) model openness (p.58)”. They maintain that self-
disclosures should have the following features.
• It should be concise.
• It should be devoid of self-indulgence.
• It should be used very conservatively
Summarizing: After listening to a series of statements or at the end of a session, the
counsellor summarizes the content presented by the client. Through summarizing, the
counsellor attempts to find out if s/he has properly understood the frame of reference of the
client and also helps the client to place his/her problem in perspective.
Goal Setting: After assessing the problem, the counsellor works with the client to set
realistic goals or behavioural changes the client wants to accomplish. It is important to set
goals that are achievable. Goals are set depending on the nature of the problem and the
client’s ability to engage in the helping process. Time bound specific goals give a sense of
purpose and accomplishment to the client.
Ending Sessions and Follow-up: Setting boundaries is important in a counselling
relationship. Counsellors should begin and end sessions on time. Clients should be informed
about the rules of the counselling contract and counsellors should not be lenient if the client is
late for the session. The message to the client should be, being late means forgoing the
session. This is necessary because it is the client’s responsibility to work towards the set
goals or behavioural changes. When ending each session, the counsellor may encourage the
client to carry on the new behavior learnt in the session in the outside world. This may be
followed up at the beginning of the next session by enquiring about the client’s
accomplishments in the world outside.
Termination of Counselling: Counselling or therapy relationship is a contract. Therefore, it
must come to an end one day. Termination happens when the set goals have been
accomplished, the client wants to move on or end the relationship, the counsellor wants to
move on, the counsellor concludes that the therapy is not productive, or the counsellor gives
the client referral to another professional in the field. Whichever way the termination happens
the counsellor should prepare herself/himself and the client for the eventuality. Abrupt ending
of the counselling relationship may adversely affect some clients. Therefore, it is better the
counsellor discusses with the client about the termination plan two or three sessions prior to
the actual event and prepares the client for the day. Morally a counsellor should terminate the
contract if she realizes that the therapeutic relationship is not productive. After a few
sessions, if the counsellor feels that the client is avoiding responsibility for working towards
the desired change, the client should be told so and the contract may be terminated. Whatever
be the reasons for termination, it should leave a positive feeling with the counsellor and the
client.

Counselling Techniques
• Listening
• Responding
• Goal setting
• Exploration
• Summarization