00:00:02:"It seems today that all you see 00:00:06:"Is violence in movies and sex on TV 00:00:09:"But where are

those good old-fashioned values 00:00:13:"On which we used to rely? 00:00:15:"Lucky there's a family guy 00:00:18:"Lucky there's a man who positively can do all the things that make us 00:00:23:"Laugh and cry 00:00:25:"He's a family guy 00:00:37:Oh, my, this place is enormous. 00:00:40:They got these plastic disc guns. I haven't seen one since Cleveland's wedding. 00:00:45:Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today 00:00:47:to celebrate the joining of these two people... 00:00:50:- (Peter giggles) ...in the bonds of holy matrimony, 00:00:54:- consecrated before God Almighty. - (Peter giggles) 00:00:58:Hey, Stratego. I used to love this game. 00:01:01:Oh, my God. Abe Vigoda? 00:01:03:Go bother Steve Guttenberg. He's behind the Chinese chequers. 00:01:06:Abe, shut up! 00:01:10:(" swing music) 00:01:13:Look at me, Chris. I'm Yanni sans the attitude. 00:01:18:My God, that's amazing. 00:01:21:- You are so talented. - Huh? 00:01:23:Wait a second. Something's not right here. 00:01:26:You were just making it look like you were playing. You're a phony! 00:01:31:- Hey! This guy's a great big phony! - Come on, Chris. 00:01:37:- Agh! - There you are. 00:01:39:Hey, you're a great big phony, you know that? 00:01:41:Your mom and I have something for you. 00:01:44:Let me guess. Another colourful box with a crank 00:01:47:that I'm expected to turn until - big shock - a jack pops out. 00:01:50:And you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside. 00:01:55:- (gasps) - Surprise, honey. 00:01:58:A trikey! 00:02:01:I think he likes it. 00:02:02:When I stick this army guy with the sharp bayonet up my nose, it tickle s my brain. 00:02:06:(laughs) Ow! Oh. Now I don't know math. 00:02:12:- Give it to me now, dammit! - Not now, Stewie. When we get home. 00:02:16:That's right. You're a big fat phony! 00:02:22:What I'm about to show you is a fight scene from Star Trek, season one, episode 18. 00:02:27:I'm going to identify when it's Shatner and when it's his stunt double, Fred Lubbins. 00:02:32:Let's watch. 00:02:33:That's Shatner. That's Lubbins. That's Shatner. That's Lubbins. 00:02:37:That's Shatner. That's Lubbins. 00:02:39:That's Shatner, but when I freeze-frame, you can clearly see Lubbins' c offee cup. 00:02:44:- He is the biggest dork on the planet. - Totally. 00:02:47:And so, because of his rough-and-tumble style of command, 00:02:50:Captain Kirk is clearly superior to Jean-Luc Picard. 00:02:54:- Any questions? Meg? - No. Leave me alone. 00:02:58:Thank you, Neil, for that irrelevant presentation. 00:03:01:We all know Captain Picard is the superior officer. 00:03:09:- Ugh! - Mr Lassenbee's getting arrested. 00:03:13:(students gasping/murmuring) 00:03:16:What in God's name...? Mr Lassenbee, what the hell's going on here? 00:03:21:There's a law against teaching the evolutionary theory

00:03:24:that Gil Gerard used a time machine and ejaculated into the primordial ooze. 00:03:28:This stupid country. 00:03:30:Tom Tucker, live at James Woods High School with this sensational break ing story. 00:03:35:A teacher caught molesting children... with crackpot theories. Full sto ry at 11. 00:03:39:(man) And out. 00:03:40:(gasps) Oh, my God! That's Tom Tucker from the news. 00:03:43:Hey, kids. Remember, Mr T says "I pity the fool who does drugs." 00:03:49:(" romantic music) 00:03:57:- Better hurry up, Mr Tucker. - I'm coming. 00:04:11:Reports indicate she has consumed a record amount of seamen. 00:04:15:Sounds like one powerful hurricane. 00:04:17:In other news, school board elections took place last evening. 00:04:21:Fred Johnson leads candidate Betsy LaFoe by a substantial... 00:04:25:(" rock music) 00:04:34:Hi, Meg. You know how cute I think you are. 00:04:37:(" rock music continues) 00:04:58:...turmoil when President Bush stuck his finger in a socket. 00:05:01:Whoa! 00:05:02:Yikes. Awkward. 00:05:05:...that's where leprechauns hide their gold. More at 11. 00:05:08:Hey, you know who lives in this house? A great big phony! That's right. 00:05:13:A phony lives here. A big fat phony! 00:05:20:I say, look at me. I feel like a regular grease monkey. 00:05:23:- Remember that time I had that Mustang? - Oh, yeah, you took her for a spin that time. 00:05:28:That was awesome. 00:05:29:Those chowderheads on the corner busted your stones. 00:05:32:- (both laugh) - Hey, your sister say anything about me? 00:05:37:- Oh, my God. I'm missing the news! - We all miss The News, Meg. 00:05:41:But Huey Lewis needs time to create. We have to be patient. 00:05:44:And in entertainment, Mary Tyler Moore is 64 years old today. 00:05:48:- Really? 64? - Yes. 00:05:50:- I thought she was dead. - She's alive. 00:05:52:Fantastic. And now this. 00:05:54:Are you a student interested in the glamorous world of unpaid internshi ps? 00:05:58:If so, you can try out for Channel Five's young anchor programme. 00:06:02:Oh, wow! 00:06:04:You'll gain valuable experience, work closely with Tom and me, 00:06:07:and produce your own on-air report. 00:06:09:So call us now. 00:06:10:Yeah! 00:06:23:Question number one: Would you consider growing a moustache? 00:06:26:I guess so. 00:06:28:Question two: Look at my moustache. 00:06:30:Do you think it tickles women when I kiss them? 00:06:33:I don't know. 00:06:34:Wrong. The answer is: Only slightly, only slightly. Next. 00:06:39:Oh, God, I can't hire any of these girls. 00:06:42:They're all too pretty. Their breasts are too perky. 00:06:46:Perfect. 00:06:47:Congratulations. You got the job. 00:06:49:Oh, my God! Oh, thank you, thank you! This is beyond anything I've ever dreamed of! 00:06:54:You and your partner will start tomorrow after school. 00:06:57:- Great! Who's my partner? - Hey, there, hot stuff! 00:07:00:(gasps)

00:07:06:Well, well. It appears the Fates have conspired in our favour. Eh, Meg? 00:07:11:Stay away from me, Neil. Just because we're working together 00:07:14:does not mean I like you. Give it to me! 00:07:17:- What's that? - Give it to me, Neil. 00:07:19:- Give it to me! Give it to me, Neil. - Yeah. That'll work just fine. 00:07:24:Ugh! 00:07:25:Look who's here. It's our bright-eyed young interns. 00:07:28:- Did you two wear your eager caps? - I sure did, Mr Tucker. 00:07:32:Great. Cos you two are gonna have so much fun! 00:07:34:Don't act any cheerier. You'll give us all diabetes. 00:07:38:- Bite me, Tom. - Come on, kids. 00:07:40:Here's where we produce our celebrity interviews. 00:07:43:I did one with Dustin Hoffman. He's almost impossible to book. 00:07:47:Dustin, it's been a while. I gotta say, you look great. 00:07:50:Are you trying to seduce me? 00:07:52:I am not trying to seduce you, Dustin Hoffman. You really look great. 00:07:56:- Uh-oh. Twelve minutes to Wapner. - I understand your hectic schedule. 00:08:00:We appreciate you taking the time to be with us here in the studio. 00:08:04:- If there's anything I can ever do for you... - Bring me Peter Pan! 00:08:07:I'll keep my eye out for him. Thanks, Dustin. 00:08:10:He's this tall. 00:08:13:Can you believe it? Our little Stewie learning to ride his first tricyc le. 00:08:17:This'll be more exciting than when Brian taught me about Columbus. 00:08:21:- Where are we going? - We're going to visit the year 1492. 00:08:24:That's when Columbus set sail for the New World. 00:08:26:- We're on a ship. - This is the Santa Maria. 00:08:29:Columbus took it to find a route to India. 00:08:31:- Any sign of India yet? - Nothing yet. 00:08:34:Columbus was going to America. 00:08:36:Columbus discovered America entirely by mistake. 00:08:38:Wow! 00:08:40:- What are you doing? Back off, fat man. - Hang on, Stewie. 00:08:43:What the...? Hey, hey, let go. Get your filthy paws off. 00:08:47:Let go. Let go, I say. Let go. Don't let go! 00:08:51:Oh, this is exhilarating. 00:08:52:- Go, Stewie! - Yay, Stewie! 00:08:55:I gotta go check on dinner. You keep taping Stewie. Don't miss a moment . 00:08:59:I got it. 00:09:01:Look, it's dancing with me. 00:09:04:It's this incredibly benevolent force that wants me to know 00:09:07:there's no reason to be afraid. 00:09:10:Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, it makes my heart burst. 00:09:14:It's just some trash blowing in the wind! 00:09:17:Do you have any idea how complicated your circulatory system is? 00:09:22:Hi, Mr Tucker. I brought you Rice Crispy Treats. I remember you said yo u liked them. 00:09:27:Look. This one is in the shape of a heart. 00:09:29:I'm sorry, but there's a handsome man in my spoon. Come back later. 00:09:33:(contented sigh) 00:09:35:(gasps) Oh, my God. Meg's in love with Tom Tucker! 00:09:40:Try to move in on my woman, will you, Tom Tucker? 00:09:43:No one crosses Neil Goldman and gets away with it. (cackles) 00:09:47:I added something to your coffee I don't think you're gonna like. 00:09:50:- Here's your coffee, Mr Tucker. - What the hell is in this? 00:09:54:Sweet'N Low. That's for trying to steal my woman! 00:09:57:- Bring it to me with urine in it like I asked. - Yes, sir. 00:10:04:- Nice bike. - That's the understatement of the century. 00:10:08:- It's cool. Too cool for you. - No, no. I think it's right where I'm a

t. 00:10:12:Out of my way! 00:10:14:Oh, I see. Oh, yes, I suppose you do have to ride it to truly appreciat e its virtues. 00:10:18:Well, then, I'll just wait right here till you get back. 00:10:23:- Where the devil is he? - You've obviously never met a bully. 00:10:27:What do you mean? 00:10:28:He wasn't taking it for a test ride, he was just taking it. 00:10:31:- You... you mean...? - Mm-hm. 00:10:34:He... stole... my trikey? 00:10:38:(sobs) 00:10:43:Mr Tucker, has anyone ever told you your eyes are... 00:10:46:Hang on, sweetie. I've gotta call Peter Jennings and reschedule our gol f game. 00:10:51:(ringing) 00:10:52:(" rock music) 00:11:02:This is Peter. You know what to do. (beep) 00:11:04:Mr Tucker, Miss Simmons, there's a nut on top of Town Hall with a highpowered rifle. 00:11:09:The gunman's been identified as the Mass Media Murderer who targets the press. 00:11:13:Whoa, whoa, whoa. Mass Media Murderer? 00:11:16:I think this would be a fine opportunity to give our interns real-world experience. 00:11:21:That means you'll get to ride in the news chopper. I'm so jealous. 00:11:25:Better put in for some new interns. Good luck! 00:11:28:I've got Hugh Downs up here. 00:11:30:I'm gonna splatter his distinguished career all over the pavement. 00:11:33:- Hey, why me? Why the media? - I've got my reasons. 00:11:36:Dan Rather thinks he can condense a whole day's events into a half-hour . 00:11:41:Don't get me started on that arrogant jerk. 00:11:43:- Really? You know him? - I'm Hugh Downs. I know everybody. 00:11:47:- In fact, he's down there. - Where? 00:11:49:Ha-ha! See ya later, sucker! And by the way, Rather is an OK guy in sma ll doses. 00:11:56:Look how close we're getting, Meg. 00:11:59:Hey! That was my lucky assassin hat! 00:12:01:- (gunshots) - (screaming) 00:12:04:Mayday! Mayday! I'm going down! 00:12:10:Oh, my God, we're gonna die! There's so much of life I haven't experien ced! 00:12:15:I never got the chance to be some drunk college guy's last resort! 00:12:18:My years of expensive orthodontic work will be a total waste! 00:12:22:- I never even had my first kiss! - It's not too late, Meg. 00:12:29:I'm here for you. 00:12:33:- (gunshot) - Time to sign off. 00:12:37:Remember me, dirt bag? 00:13:03:Wow! You saved those kids' lives, Mr Downs. 00:13:05:All in a day's work. If you ever need me, 00:13:08:just blow this whistle, or call John Stossel's cellphone. 00:13:11:Hugh Downs away! 00:13:15:Honey, thank God you're safe. We were so worried. 00:13:18:We now go to junior anchor Neil Goldman 00:13:20:with exclusive footage from today's exciting scene. 00:13:24:Thank you, Diane. There may have been some commotion on the rooftop, 00:13:27:but the real story was inside the mouths of Meg Griffin and Neil Goldma n, 00:13:32:where a meeting of the tongues, a summit of saliva, 00:13:36:established a new world order of love.

00:13:40:Agh! 00:13:43:Let's watch it one more time in super slow-mo. 00:13:46:This is where we cease to be Meg and Neil 00:13:49:and begin life anew as Meil. 00:13:52:Oh, my God. He put it on TV? 00:13:54:Isn't that cute, Peter? Our daughter's first love. 00:13:58:I just want to kill myself! I'm going upstairs right now and eat a whol e bowl of peanuts. 00:14:03:I'm allergic to peanuts! 00:14:07:You don't know anything about me! 00:14:10:Who was that guy? 00:14:13:Constable, I'd like to report the theft of my tricycle. 00:14:16:Oh, look at the little baby. Aren't you cute! Where's your mommy? 00:14:21:How dare you condescend to me? I demand justice! 00:14:24:I'm here to turn myself in. I have a dismembered hooker bleeding in my trunk. 00:14:29:Oh, look at the little baby. Aren't you cute! Where's your mommy? 00:14:34:(scoffs) 00:14:39:(gasps) 00:14:44:- Where did you get that shirt? - From Neil. 00:14:47:Hello, lover. 00:14:48:Neil, what are you doing? I'm not your lover. I don't even like you. 00:14:52:Meg, I strongly suggest you hold my hand, lest you look like a slut. 00:14:56:Tell these people that there's nothing going on between us. 00:15:00:Oh, don't be afraid of the fire, Meg. I won't let you burn. 00:15:04:(scoffs) 00:15:06:Al, why haven't I leaped? 00:15:07:Ziggy says you can't leap until she loves you back. 00:15:10:Don't worry, I'll get her. 00:15:14:What do you want to work on? Cardio? Upper body? 00:15:16:Upper body. I need to get buff, so I can get my tricycle back. 00:15:19:Luckily, we're running a special for the next 17 minutes. 00:15:23:OK. That's a little unusual but... OK, tell me. 00:15:26:The normal plan is 78 months at 40 a month and 200 down. Watch this. 00:15:30:- Forget the down. - Yeah. 00:15:32:Goodbye 40 a month, let's do 35. 00:15:34:- 35. That's the cheapest? - Yeah, hang on, hang on. 00:15:37:Trace, can you bring me some free gym bags? 00:15:39:I could probably just do some push-ups at home. 00:15:42:Let's start you off with a body-fat test, maybe a heart rate. 00:15:45:You're not hearing me. I don't think this is for me. Thanks, anyway. 00:15:49:And for the future, you came on a little strong. 00:15:57:- What's going on here? - We invited Neil's family over for dinner. 00:16:00:- Hi. - Hello. 00:16:02:- You what?! - To get to know 'em better. 00:16:04:Seeing as you two will one day bless our home 00:16:06:with the pitter-patter of grandchildren as ugly as sin. 00:16:09:Meg, you never told me your mother was such a stone-cold fox. 00:16:13:- Now I see where you get it. - Meg, he's so charming. 00:16:16:My name is Chris. 00:16:18:I'm supposed to be on my best behaviour tonight and not mention poo. 00:16:23:Oh, God, what have I done?! 00:16:25:Well, let's eat. 00:16:28:I think it's very, very nice that our children had this wonderful kiss. 00:16:32:I remember when Muriel and I had our first kiss, and it was just awful. 00:16:36:Oh, just awful. We were both very sick. Weren't we, dear? 00:16:41:Ugh, we were terribly sick. 00:16:43:We were both 14 and it was winter and we had terrible head colds. 00:16:47:Mine especially was very bad. I had terrible mucus coming out from insi de my nose.

00:16:53:And the other children, they were very nasty to me. 00:16:56:They said bad, hurtful things to me. 00:16:58:They called me Tasty Cakes, 00:17:00:and they would beat me and stick pine cones in my ass. 00:17:03:- Those were very bad times. - I'm sorry to hear that. 00:17:07:Thank you very much. 00:17:09:Excuse me. I'm gonna go throw up. 00:17:11:Please flush the toilet twice. 00:17:14:Once for the bulk, and again for the remainder. Thank you. Oh, she's a dear. 00:17:21:You're blocking my light, you stupid baby! 00:17:24:My hooligan friend, I've been racking my brain 00:17:27:in a fruitless attempt to resolve our unpleasantness. 00:17:30:But then it dawned on me. Your cruelty merely stems from a deep-seated inner pain. 00:17:35:The obvious remedy is a healthy dose of outer pain! 00:17:42:Children washing cars to raise money for charity. Is anything more arou sing? 00:17:46:We go to Meg Griffin for a special Channel Five junior anchor segment o n the moon. 00:17:52:(Meg) The moon. There's a reason no one goes there. It's cold, and it's ugly. 00:17:57:Its surface is plagued with craters and jagged peaks. 00:18:00:(gasp) Oh, wait! That's not the moon. It's Neil Goldman's face. 00:18:05:Recently, many of you saw me kissing this freak of nature. 00:18:08:If I wasn't seconds away from death, I wouldn't have done it. 00:18:12:I mean, who in their right mind would? I went to the streets to find ou t. 00:18:16:Would you kiss this guy? 00:18:18:- Ugh! No! - No way! 00:18:19:- No! - No! 00:18:20:- No! - No! 00:18:21:Oh, God, no! What's the matter with you? Oh! 00:18:24:It's official. Neil Goldman isn't kissable. 00:18:27:Hear that, Neil? I don't like you. I never will! Back to you, Tom. 00:18:31:Thank you, Meg. I guess beggars can be choosers. And now this. 00:18:36:- Well, well. Isn't this a darling picture! - Let me go, man! 00:18:41:- How old are you, Charlie? - Seven. 00:18:43:Seven? Well, my, my. You're practically a lady. 00:18:47:Ironic that your fate is in the hands of an infant. 00:18:50:- Now tell me where my tricycle is! - I don't know. I lost it. 00:18:54:- Agh! - I have other ways of obtaining the truth. 00:18:59:No! Don't! 00:19:01:- Stewie? Look what I found. - My trikey! 00:19:05:- What's going on down here? - We're playing house. 00:19:08:That boy is all tied up. 00:19:12:Roman Polanski's house. 00:19:15:Good evening. I'm Tom Tucker. Our top story: The president has been sho t. 00:19:19:Tragedy strikes the nation. The president has been shot. 00:19:22:Why's the president in this casket? We'll tell you. 00:19:26:- Nice job on that report last night. - Wow! Thanks, Mr Tucker. 00:19:29:That means so much coming from someone so handsome. 00:19:32:- How'd you like to pick up my dry-cleaning? - Sure. But isn't that Nei l's job? 00:19:38:- Little jerk hasn't been in all day. - He hasn't? 00:19:40:A breaking story! A geek is on top of Town Hall! He's about to jump! 00:19:46:- Oh, my God! Neil! - Is it Neil? 00:19:48:I've been calling him Ned all week. 00:19:52:Oh, my God! Neil, please don't jump.

00:19:54:I was just a piece of eye candy that she turned into an all-day sucker. 00:19:59:(screams) 00:20:03:Mr Tucker! Thank God you're here! Someone's got to do something! He'll fall! 00:20:07:I'm on it. Have that cartoon sound-effect guy cue up the... (falling wh istle) 00:20:13:Top it off with a... (splat) 00:20:15:And if there's time, be ready with a... "Wah, wah, wah, wah. 00:20:19:You don't care about him at all, do you? 00:20:21:All you care about are your stupid ratings! You're a horrible man! 00:20:25:- Neil, I'm sorry! - Meg? 00:20:29:- There he goes! - Good stuff, good stuff, good stuff! 00:20:33:Neil! 00:20:35:- Meg! You do care! - Don't read too much into this, Neil. 00:20:39:It's hard not to when I'm lying right on top of you. 00:20:43:Just because you're repulsive and the most annoying person on the plane t, 00:20:48:and I'm not the only one who thinks so, doesn't mean I want you to kill yourself. 00:20:52:Thanks, Meg. But I was never really planning to jump. 00:20:55:Wasn't gonna jump? You're a phony! 00:20:58:Hey, everybody! This guy's a great big phony! 00:21:27:Visiontext Subtitles: Yasmin Rammohan 00:21:36:ENGLISH SDH 00:21:39:>> Napisy pobrane z http://napisy.org << >>>>>>>> nowa wizja napisw <<<< <<<<