Understanding Relationships

Hi and welcome to decoding relationships. This is a 10 sessions live, where we will be talking all
about relationship with them aim to help us better understand two things relationships and
ourself in relationship. For today live the topic that we will be talking about is Myths of
relationships

● Myth dues to mainstream media

● Love being abstract
● Trying to give a universal definition
● But everyone understand love through observation and not form the meaning of the
words
● Learning from different models like romantic movies
● Talk about the good things came our of watching movies end with they also end us with
unrealistic expectations.
● Can what are some of the unrealistic expectations they have learnt from movies
● The typical love does this makes sense in real world, these messages being there in our
subconscious and unconscious
● How romantic movies can make our perceptions a bit fictional and the reason is
romanticizing love too much
● Resulting in having some unrealistic standards. This taking references from fictional
characters can make it difficult to see a person in real live.
● These standards can also be something we dont like

One of the most common ways we came out learning this myth might be due to mainstream
media and how romantic relationships are portrayed here.

When we talk about love, it is an abstract concept. From centuries people have been trying to
philosophically paint the understanding in such a way that it compromises of a universal
definition.

It can be real task to do so as people code and explain love not on the basis of these meanings
but from what they observe and learn about it from different models, one of them being romantic
movies.

There have been time when romantic movies have taught the required lesson about hope, faith
and trust, but there have been times in which it has left us with unrealistic expectations.

I would like to take a moment here and ask my audiences to type in some of their learnt
unrealistic expectation, while you guys are doing that I will try to rap up the introduction for the
topic.
We all might have had a thought of love at first sight. Soul mate, love can happen anytime and it
has to be grand and more than life. Does that make an entire sense if we look in real life? We
do not know but such messages keep on operating at a subconscious or an unconscious level.

Romantic movies can make our perception a bit fictional because loves is romanticized at each
and every level and it can be unrealistic as there are so many people who cannot come up with
a song to make thing up after a fight or for that matter for anything.

Also it makes us set some standards when it comes to finding someone in real life as we
knowingly or unknowingly take references from such stories. Forming standards by taking cues
from fictional characters and their lives can make it difficult to see a person in real life that the
up to the mark. Also what if those standards created are not even what we truly like.

People can find it very difficult to find the perfect match if those standards are created on
fallacious ideas. Now I hope that we all have got an understanding of how myths regarding
relationships are created now lets talk about some of the common myths.

1. Healthy Relationships Aren’t Possible When Mental Illness Is Present

The key is keeping up with your own treatment and letting the other person know how they can
support your efforts.

While it is true that certain symptoms can add challenges when it comes to creating healthy
relationships, however do you know connection is an essential part of mental health and can
improve mental illness symptoms. The key is keeping up with your own treatment and letting the
other person know how they can support your efforts.

thinking “I can’t be in a relationship because I’m depressed” is what might keep a person
isolated and alone. If depression is interfering with your ability to create new and healthy
relationships, then prioritize your mental health. Seek help and find coping mechanisms that
work for you, putting you on the path to getting the healthy relationships we all need.

2. Compromise Is 50/50
Compromise is when I give up something I don’t want to give up, and you give up something
you don’t want to give up in the name of cooperation. In reality, compromise is a shortcut to
working out conflict. Instead, explain why you want what you want and listen to what the other
person is saying. Enter a dialogue and work out your differences together. Your relationship will
be healthier and will evolve, and through that evolution, you’ll feel closer.

For example, if you’re experiencing symptoms of mental illness, rather than “give up” a much-
needed yoga session for your household responsibilities, ask your loved one what you want and
need from them while you’re taking care of your symptoms. Be clear on what’s going on for you.
Instead of wanting to hide what you’re going through or compromising on your recovery, be
clear and follow through on what is important to you.
 3. Being Loving Creates A Healthy Relationship
Being loving towards your significant other is important, yes, but love presents itself in a
multitude of ways. Sometimes “being loving” means being more assertive, quieter, more giving
or less giving. Sometimes it means setting limits, creating boundaries or stepping back from the
relationship. Whatever it is, healthy behavior leads to healthier relationships.

Caregivers walk this fine line every day. The personal story “How To Love Someone With A
Mental Illness” gives good, practical advice on walking this line, like use empathy and validation;
learn about the symptoms and stop taking them personally; learn treatment options, and share
them in a way that doesn’t try to persuade or have the other person follow your agenda; do not
try to “fix” your loved one; build a community of supportive people around you; and, remember,
healing is a process that takes time.

4. Relationships Are How To Find Yourself

Relationships are not about being yourself or finding yourself—they’re about developing
yourself. Abraham Joshua Heschel wrote that in order to be happy, one has to learn how to
develop different sensibilities to different situations. For example, if you live with mental illness,
and your symptoms are flaring, it’s important to learn what you need to develop about yourself
so you can cope or manage them in a way that doesn’t significantly impact the people around
you, or yourself. If you’re not sure how to do this, you can develop these skills through healthy
communication and counseling. You don’t need to be perfect by any means, but there’s always
room for growth.

5. There Is A “Right Person” For Everyone

When we spend our energy looking for Mr./Mrs. Right, we give up our power to create what we
want. The power to create the world we want is contained in the many relationships we have.
Even if we’re depressed or anxious, experience mood swings or other symptoms, we have the
power to shape the relationships in our lives to increase our well-being.

And we do this by making the decision to do so and then “leading” others into healthier ways of
interacting. Not in a controlling or domineering way, but by example—by showing, “This is the
kind of relationship I want in my life, and I’m going to act in ways that make it happen.”

So, take a step back from whatever relationship you’re in and clear all the “noise” out of your
head. Then define the kind of relationship you want—not the kind of relationship that looks nice
on television or the kind of relationship your parents or friends want you to have. After you do
that, decide what you might need to develop about yourself to achieve that relationship and start
doing it. It won’t be long before the kinds of relationships you want start to manifest in your life.

We can all take a lesson from Gloria Steinem who said, “Far too many people are looking for
the right person, instead of trying to be the right person.”
2. Attachment Styles
Hi everyone welcome back to the 2 series of decording relationships, in yesterdays series we
spoke about the myths of relationships.

Today we are going to look into something known as attachment styles and how it plays a role
in our relationships. So firstly I would introduce what is attachment theory.

So attachment, or the attachment bond, is the emotional connection one forms as an infant with
their primary caregiver—probably your mother. According to attachment theory which was
pioneered by British psychiatrist John Bowlby and American psychologist Mary Ainsworth, the
quality of the bonding one experienced during thier first relationship often determines how well
they will relate to other people and respond to intimacy throughout life. What is mean is, for
example if in childhood a person had a very controlling parents then this can affect their
relationships in adulthood. Now how it affects relationship is something we will look into as we
will discuss the types of attachments. With this I will now introduce the four types of attachment

First we are going to look at Secure attachment style:

People with secure attachment tend to feel safe, stable, and more satisfied in their close
relationships, and oen of the reason for that is they have been able to incorporate empathy and
are able to set appropriate boundaries. People who have secure attachment tend to not fear
being on their own and they usually thrive in close, meaningful relationships.

I hope now everyone got a basic understanding of secure attachment style so let me ask you
guys what do you think a person with secure attachment style is like in a relationship?

Ok to make it a little more interactive I will ask you guys a question and you just have to reply
with yes or no.

Do you guys think having an secure attachment style means that the person is perfect and does
not experience relationship problems

But you likely feel secure enough to take responsibility for your own mistakes and failings, and
are willing to seek help and support when you need it.

You appreciate your own self-worth and you’re able to be yourself in an intimate relationship.

You’re comfortable expressing your feelings, hopes, and needs.

You find satisfaction in being with others, openly seek support and comfort from your partner,
but don’t get overly anxious when the two of you are apart.

You’re similarly happy for your partner to rely on you for support.
You’re able to maintain your emotional balance and seek healthy ways to manage conflict in a
close relationship.

When faced with disappointment, setbacks, and misfortune in your relationships as well as other
parts of your life, you’re resilient enough to bounce back.

Next is an anxious-attachment style

And I hope the name of this attachment style might be suggestive hence, I would like to ask you
some questions and again you just have to type in yes or no and we will pick it up from there.

Ok so do you guys feel that you crave emotional intimacy but worry that others dont want to be
with you?

Or have you been told that you are very needy and made to feel bad about it?

Then to no worry, because as the label suggests people with this attachment style are often
anxious and uncertain and at times are lacking self-esteem.

Having an anxious- attachment style, we may be embarrassed about being too clingy or having
this constant need for love and attention. Or we may feel worn down by fear and anxiety about
whether our partner really loves us.

There are a few things that one can do, one is that they can start working on their self-esteem.

Now the question is about how do we work on our-self esteem, one of the ways for that is to
have a gratitude journal. A gratitude journal is just like a dairy sort, however, the difference here
is that here we right all the things we are thankful for and this can be from the smallest thing like
having to eat what we like to getting praised by others. Maintaining a gratitude journal helps us
give the constant reassurance we are looking for from others.

You want to be in a relationship and crave feelings of closeness and intimacy with a significant
other, but you struggle to feel that you can trust or fully rely on your partner.

Being in an intimate relationship tends to take over your life and you become overly fixated on
the other person.

You may find it difficult to observe boundaries, viewing space between you as a threat,
something that can provoke panic, anger, or fear that your partner no longer wants you.

A lot of your sense of self-worth rests on how you feel you’re being treated in the relationship
and you tend to overreact to any perceived threats to the relationship.
You feel anxious or jealous when away from your partner and may use guilt, controlling
behavior, or other manipulative tactics to keep them close.

You need constant reassurance and lots of attention from your partner.

Others may criticize you for being too needy or clingy and you may struggle to maintain close
relationships.

Avoidant-dismissive attachment style

Lastly we come to avoidant attachment style which is the three and last style of attachment.

Before I talk about what this attachment style is all about I would like to ask you guys what is
this attachment style might be again in a yes or no format

Do you find it hard to tolerate emotional intimacy or maybe do you feel like your independence
and freedom are at stake when intimacy and closeness is shown my others?

Adults with an avoidant attachment style are the opposite of those who are anxious. Instead of
craving intimacy, they’re so wary of closeness they try to avoid emotional connection with
others. They’d rather not rely on others or have others rely on them.

You’re an independent person, content to care for yourself, and don’t feel you need others.

The more someone tries to get close to you or the needier a partner becomes, the more you
tend to withdraw.

You’re uncomfortable with your emotions and partners often accuse you of being distant and
closed off, rigid and intolerant. In return, you accuse them of being too needy.

You’re prone to minimize or disregard your partner’s feelings, keep secrets from them, engage
in affairs, and even end relationships in order to regain your sense of freedom.

You may prefer fleeting, casual relationships to long-term intimate ones, or you seek out
partners who are equally independent, ones who’ll keep their distance emotionally.

While you may think you don’t need close relationships or intimacy, the truth is we all do.

Humans are hardwired for connection and deep down, even someone with an avoidant-
dismissive attachment style wants a close meaningful relationship—if only they could overcome
their deep-seated fears of intimacy.
Whatever your specific relationship problems, it’s important to know that your brain remains
capable of change throughout life. By identifying your attachment style, you can learn to
challenge your insecurities, develop a more securely attached way of relating to others, and
build stronger, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships.

3. Trusting one’s gut feelings

Hi everyone welcome back to the three series of recording relationships with EmoJar and I your
host Jay. In yesterday's series we talked about attachment styles.

It is very natural to have questions about a relationship and when we have these questions our
typical tactic is to talk about our relationship with others. While sharing or talking about our
problem is a healthy habit, many times the person we talk to ends up telling us to trust our gut
feelings and this brings us to our topic for the day which is trusting one’s gut feeling

We all have heard or asked others to trust their gut, but what does this mean? So let's first
understand what is this gut feeling or instinct is all about.

Gut instinct, or intuition, is your immediate understanding of something and if we learn to

understand this immediate gut instinct, there’s no need to think it over or get another opinion
because this gut intuition arises as a feeling within our body that only we experience. Because
the feeling is so personal, no one else can weigh in to tell you if you’re in touch with your gut
instinct or not. You alone have to make the call. Because of this, learning to trust your intuition
can be the ultimate act of trusting yourself, which in turn can help us to boost our self-esteem.

Knowing that we know the importance of gut feeling I would like to ask you guys how listening to
our gut feeling can be helpful?

Listening to our gut can help us to avoid unhealthy relationships and situations. As
throughout your life, many people will have ideas about what’s best for us, some held with good
intentions and some coming from a place of deceitful, harmful, selfish intent. It’s sometimes
hard to tell which category someone falls into, but if we put aside all of those external opinions
and instead listen to the advice of our own intuition, it will guide us to what is truly best for us.

I hope now we have a feeling that learning about our gut feeling can be really helpful but now
the question is how we learn to trust our gut feeling right?

Of course, the process of trusting your gut is not as simple, especially when certain habits and
circumstances pull us strongly and often unconsciously in the opposite direction. Luckily, our
intuition is so deeply instinctual that even if we’ve been out of touch with it for our entire lives,
it’s still there inside of us, waiting for us to summon its wisdom.
Let now look into what is stopping us from summoning our guts wisdom

1. Overthinking: First is as most of you might have guessed it is overthinking. Since

intuition is defined as “the ability to understand something instinctively, without the need
for conscious reasoning,” overthinking is one of the biggest interferers. Putting excessive
thought into every decision and walking through countless scenarios and outcomes can
lead us away from our gut instinct, especially when we are overthinking in order to
rationalize or justify something.

Second would be

2. Prejudices & Unconscious Bias: Even though prejudices and unconscious biases are in
some ways the opposite of overthinking, they have similar effects on your intuition. As
opposed to overthinking and over-analysis, prejudices and unconscious biases operate
from quick judgments that the brain automatically makes based on past experiences,
stereotypes, and background instead of based on reason or actual experience. As a
result, neither of these culprits allows space for us to tap into the experiential nature of
intuition.

3. A loved one’s or authority figure’s needs/wants/opinion/advice: Often, the person who

has the greatest power to eclipse or cloud your gut instinct is a loved one or authority
figure whose love or approval you wish to win over, for example, a parent, significant
other, teacher, or coach. What I am trying to say is that it good to take advice from our
loved one’s but after which given a thought about what we think about a given situation
can help us tap into our gut feeling.

4. Previous trauma/abuse in childhood: Perhaps the most complex and powerful of all the
culprits are having experienced abuse and trauma as a child. You may be asking
yourself Why? Because childhood abuse can leave a lasting impact on a person that
remains even in adulthood. Growing up experiencing physical, emotional/psychological,
and/or sexual abuse can cause children to distrust their experience and blame
themselves. Since trusting your intuition is the same as trusting yourself, tapping into this
gut instinct can be a struggle.

I would like to even hear from your guys if you have any other points due to which we are not
able to tap into our gut feeling.

Let now see how we can summon our gut-feeling

1. Slow Down & Clear Your Mind

What I mean by this is, as we are living in a cloudy haze and rushing here and there, whether
physically or mentally, we tend to miss information. Slowing down can help us better recognize
and process the information we receive, not only in our mind but also in our body. To do so, we
must mentally and physically clear away the clutter, meaning in real life, it might look like
pushing back a deadline to remove urgency from a decision. It could also mean stepping away
from a situation in order to gain further clarity, for instance taking a vacation before making a
career change or spending some time apart from a significant other to determine if you’re right
for each other.

In other words slowing down means purposefully making space for our intuition to occupy. The
slower pace helps to shift your perspective and clear away distractions so that we can see and
feel what truly does matter. This slowing down and clearing our mind can be achieved by
Explore meditation, yoga, mindful breathing exercises, and other practices that move our focus
from darting thoughts into a deeper space of calm and centered focus within you.

Introduce the mind full exercise here. And give this as a home work.

2. Notice Sensations in Your Body

Intuition is grounded within the sensations inside of the body, so learning to recognize what’s
going on within our body—i.e. what we feeling—is key to developing your intuition. While the
two terms “feeling and sensations might sound very similar but i would like to talk about a slight
difference, we are more interested in understanding how our body feels in response to an
emotion—for example, anger feels tight, sore, hot, and tingly—rather than simply naming an
emotion like sad, angry, or frustrated, and stopping there. A great way to practice is to label the
emotion in the moment when you experience it—e.g. anger—and then feel what sensations
arise within our body that are associated with that emotion—e.g. your jaw is tight and shoulders
are raised and tense. Doing so helps you stay out of your head where you risk being swept
away by thoughts and instead tune into your body where your intuition resides.

Remember that trusting your intuition is a journey which can lead you back through these steps
often as circumstances change and life continues to move onwards. Consider your intuition as a
muscle to strengthen. With purposeful practice and frequent use, it will become more powerful
and better serve its purpose—guiding you home to yourself.

4. How to spot a toxic relationship

Hi everyone welcome back to the fourth series of decording relationships with EmoJar and I
your host Jay. In yesterdays series we talked about trusting our gut feeling.

Growing up we got an chance to learn many things but sadly there have never been a school on
how to be in a relationship. Sure, we get taught the biology of sex, the legal ins and outs of
marriage, and maybe we read a few obscure love stories from the 19th century on how not to be
an toxic persons in a relationship. However, without clear ideas from adults, what we’re left with
is basically trial and error, and this can at time lead us into toxic relationships and this brings us
to the topic of our day that is How to spot a toxic relationship.
A toxic relationship is one that basiclly makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned,
or attacked. On a basic level, any relationship that makes you feel worse rather than better can
become toxic over time and this toxicity can exist in just about any context, from the playground
to the boardroom to the bedroom. One may even deal with toxic relationships among your
family members and this toxicity can be even harder to identify.

However, there are few way through which toxic relationships can be spotted

Relationships that involve physical or verbal abuse are definitely classified as toxic. But there
are other, more subtle, signs of a toxic relationship like

When you feel to be giving more than you're getting.

When you feel you are consistently disrespected or that your needs aren't being met.

When you feel a toll on your self-esteem over time.

When you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked.

I would like to hear your thoughts, like if you guys know anyother subtle signs of a toxic
relationship

When you feel depressed, angry, or tired after speaking or being with the other person.
When you bring out the worst in each other. For example, your competitive friend brings out a
spite-based competitive streak that is not enjoyable for you.

When you are not your best self around the person. For example, they bring out the gossipy
side of you, or they seem to draw out a mean streak you don't normally have.

When you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around this person to keep from becoming a
target of their venom.

You spend a lot of time and emotional strength trying to cheer them up.
You are always to blame. They turn things around so things you thought they had done wrong
are suddenly your fault.

However all these behaviour we just now talked about are not necessarily be seen in just
romantic relationships but they can also be see in other relationships such as families, in the
workplace, and among friend groups and they can be extremely stressful, especially if the
toxicity isn't effectively managed.

This brings us to the question how to cope with toxic relationships

While not every toxic relationship can be avoided, especially among co-workers or a family
member, but the good news is that they can be managed with three things, and awareness.

First thing will be healthy boundaries:

Some ways for having a healthy boundaries one can talk to the other person about what they
are witnessing and it totally ok to be assertive about your needs and feelings but one should
also remember to take responsibility for their part in the situation as relationship is not a one
way street but a two way.

Other than that Discuss what you see as a problem and decide together if you want to change
the dynamic to ensure that both of you get your needs met is great way for greeting healthy
boundaries.

What do you guys thing can be other ways to maintain healthy boundaries?

If you decide to talk about your concerns, use "I feel" statements when describing your feelings
and emotions. Doing so helps keep them from feeling defensive.

Second would be self-care

And this can be done by Re-evaluate your relationship and asking yourself: Is this person
causing real damage to my self-esteem and overall mental health?

Limit the time you spend with people who bring frustration or unhappiness into your life is yet
another way. However, If this person is someone you need to interact with, like a family member
or co-worker, you may need to limit interactions.

What do you guys thing can be other ways we can show care for ourself?

Lastly is awareness

Whats this means is that sometime we have to realize that some toxic people simply are
unwilling to change—especially those who lack self-awareness or social skills.

Try to non-confrontationally stand up for yourself when the situation warrants it.

5. Toxic Positivity and its effects on relationships

Hi everyone welcome back to the five series of decording relationships with EmoJar and I your
host Jay. In yesterdays series we talked about How to spot toxic relationships.
And today we are going to be talking about how being positive can be toxic for a relationships.
We all have always thought that being positive is good only right but today the internet is filled
with uplifting quotes and phrases from “think positive” to “no bad days” that are meant to inspire
positivity in a helpful way and no doubt these words might be comforting, but they also highlight
an aspect of the internet culture that can be more harmful than helpful, and with that, we come
to the topic for the day “Toxic positivity”.

So what is this toxic positivity

Toxic positivity is shallow. It’s a false reassurance, like when someone saying “everything
happens for a reason” after your grandmother passes away or when someone say’s that
“everything will work out” after you lose your job and apartment and are forced to relocate at
such time when one need comforting we end up giving or receiving false reassurance.

So this bring us to what is the difference between positivity and toxic positivity?

Before I share my thoughts about it I would love to hear from you guys.

The difference between positivity and toxic positivity is that in toxic positivity the way of
responding to your own or someone else’s suffering that comes across as a lack of empathy. It
dismisses emotions instead of affirming them and could come from a place of discomfort.

However, Toxic positivity is a behaviour that we generally learn from observation like read post
from social media, hence, usually toxic positivity isn’t intended to cause harm. Often, it happens
in situations when we want to help but don’t know what to say, for example, if a friend reveals
they received a difficult diagnosis and this sudden new gives a shock to us as well, thus we end
up resposing with something like everything will be ok just soon. And this is how it can lead to
affecting a relationship.

As not knowing how to talk about sad or uncomfortable topics, and in our attempts, we may
mess up. While messing up sometimes is normal and human, it’s important to pay attention to
how you respond to someone’s attempts to confide in you. With toxic positivity, we want to
make someone feel better, but it doesn’t typically have the desired effect, it shuts the other
person up. It can also misrepresent you to others, making you seem hard to connect with or
even a bit fake. If you have children, toxic positivity can impact your relationship with them, too.

As with children, our impulse may be to tell them, ‘You’re OK’ or ‘It’s not a big deal’ or ‘Stop
crying, everything is fine.’ This teaches them that their negative feelings aren’t OK and can be
influential on how they develop and process their concepts about emotion, and how they learn
to express or not express their own emotions.

Luckly there are few ways we can balance this toxic positivity
 1. Journaling - Recognizing emotions as they occur and journaling how these feelings
impacted your life in a given situation helps you become more comfortable in
acknowledging positive and negative emotions in real-world situations.

2. Practice validation - Learning to respect the emotions of others as well as your own is an
important skill. Practice listening and considering the other person's perspective,
respecting their emotions, and providing a supportive statement that does not negate
their emotional experience.

6. How to maintain boundaries in a relationship &

Importance of saying “no”
Hi everyone welcome back to the sixth series of decording relationships with EmoJar and I your
host Jay. In yesterdays series we talked about Toxic positivity and it effect on relationships.

Today we are going to be talking about a very important aspect, that help one to build health
relationships and this bring us to our topic taht is maintaining boundaries in a relationship. So let
start with a small fun fact. Do you guys know that Boundaries is a part of personal identity and
that it is a very crucial part of one mental health.

Before we talk about boundaries lets me tell you a bit of personal identity. Basically personal
identity is said to be one’s belief about the sort of person one is and how one differs from others.
Hence as everyone is different we all have different personal identity leading to different way of
boundaries. Our boundaries might be rigid, loose, or healthy boundaries, or even nonexistent.
However, A complete lack of boundaries may indicate that we don’t have a strong identity or
are enmeshed with someone else. Thus having to understand how to maintain boundary can
help us to better build a healthy perosnal identity.

Now coming back to Boundaries

As speaking from before there are three different boundaries one is having loose boundaries,
second is rigid boundaries and third is healthy boundaries which often falls somewhere in
between.

Let talk about how these three boundaries look like and hence I would like to ask you guys as to
what do you think are trails of someone who has loose boundaires

Refer- https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/boundaries-psychoeducation-printout.pdf
Let now look at what are healthy boundaries

In general, “Healthy boundaries are those boundaries that are set to make sure mentally and
emotionally you are stable” . Another way to think about it is that “. Healthy boundaries can
serve to establish one’s identity. Specifically, healthy boundaries can help people define their
individuality and can help people indicate what they will and will not hold themselves
responsible for. While boundaries are often psychological or emotional, boundaries can also be
physical. For example, declining physical contact from a coworker is setting an important
boundary, one that’s just as crucial as setting an emotional boundary, i.e., asking that same
coworker not to make unreasonable demands on your time or emotions.

This brings us to type of boundaries

Refer- https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/boundaries-psychoeducation-printout.pdf

This brings us to the question how to set personal boundaries and to the importance of saying
no

The first part of setting boundaries is examining the boundaries that already exist (or are
lacking) in one’s life. For example, a woman might decide that she has healthy boundaries with
her romantic partner, but not with her friends and coworkers. From there, she can decide what
types of boundaries she wants to set with her friends and coworkers. As for how to exactly set
these boundaries, “Say ‘no’ simply but firmly to something you do not want to do. Do not feel
that you need to explain”. Not overexplaining is a crucial aspect of setting boundaries, as
everyone has the right to determine what they do and do not want to do. This brings up another
important point: Keep the focus on yourself. Instead of setting a boundary by saying something
like, “You have to stop bothering me after work”, a person can say, “I need some time to myself
when I get back from work.” Another important thing to remember is: “It is impossible to set
boundaries without setting consequences”. This means that when setting boundaries, it is
important to explicitly state why they are important.

7. Sign you have trust issues

Hi everyone welcome back to the seventh series of decording relationships with EmoJar and I
your host Jay. In yesterdays series we talked about Boundaries and how to maintain them.

Today we are going to be looking into trust issues. In any relationship be it friends, romantic of
even family, trust is a very important element to build and maintain the relationship. But what
does trust means, trust is the act of placing confidence in someone or something. It is a
fundamental human experience. And it is also very much necessary for society to function. Trust
have also been seen to play a large role in happiness and without it, fear rules. And lastly, trust
is not an either/or proposition, but a matter of degree. But some life experiences can impact our
ability to trust others.

Now that we know that is trust would like to ask you guys as per you what are some of the signs of
trust issues?

These trust issues might be due to some experiences we had in our childhood, maybe we did
not get enough care and acceptance as children. Maybe we are abused, violated, or mistreated.
These things may lead to difficulty trusting as an adult.

And it is not necessary to have such experiences in childhood. But maybe when we were in our
teenage years, we are bullied or treated as outcasts by peers and this can influence later
relationships. Being betrayed or belittled by others can also impact self-esteem. And having low Self-
esteem also plays a large role in our capacity to trust. Thus when we have low self-esteem we may
be less likely to trust others. Those with higher self-esteem may be more self-assured, hence it's
easy for them to trust others.

Now we come to the question of how to overcome trust issues

Build Trust Slowly

Talk About Your Trust Issues

Distinguish Between Trust and Control

Make Trust a Priority

Be Trustworthy

Consider Therapy

Ativity- write down few things that you think are good about you and keep it somewhere were you
can see it everyday, this helps in building self-esteem

8. Dealing with loss

Hi everyone welcome back to the eight series of decording relationships with EmoJar and I your
host Jay. In yesterdays series we talked about Trust issues.

Today we will be talking about dealing with the loss of a breakup. A break-up does not need to
be with a romantic partner but with anyone we love, like a really close friend or even with
parents. A breakup is like the closing of a chapter, and it's absolutely normal to grive, as not
only are you grieving the loss of an important relationship, but you're also grieving the loss of
everything that comes along with it. No wonder it hurts so much.

We all have been through some sort of breakup. So now let us see how we can over come a
breakup.

1. Rely on your loved ones

Just because you've lost a loved one in a breakup doesn't mean that you don't still have plenty
of other people who love you. Use that network to your advantage. A lot of people's instinct is
to isolate when they're going through a break-up rather than lean into their natural support
system. While some downtime to let yourself cry and process feelings in solitude is also an
important breakup tool, community support is the number one tool for getting over it

2. Feel your feelings

The pain from a breakup isn't fun, but it's important to allow yourself to feel all the emotions that
come along with the breakup in order to process it and ultimately grow from it. When
processing a breakup, you want to strike the right balance between staying busy and distracted
and allowing yourself to be down and feel your emotions.

Make a breakup playlist

Talk through the breakup with friends and family
Journal about what you are feeling

3. Focus on self-care
Self-care is key for getting over a breakup with grace, says Neidich. Breakups can wreak havoc
on your mental health, so it's crucial to practice self-care to keep yourself mentally well.

You'll want to focus on self-care that is both emotional and practical. For emotional self-care,
you want to come up with ways to help you cope with feelings of emotional insecurity, self-
scrutiny, and other negative feelings that may arise.

Some ways we can practice self-care are

Meditating
Setting emotional boundaries
Expressing yourself
Practicing gratitude
Practicing self-compassion

4. Limit social media usage

One of the most common reasons that breakups drag on is because of social media, Neidich
says. If you're constantly on social media and either seeing your ex or their friends and family
pop up on your feed this is going to trigger you and only prolong the healing process. However,
even if you aren't seeing your ex on your feed, social media can still contribute to negative
emotions. Seeing pictures of happy couples, engagements, and weddings may be equally
triggering to you because you will be sucked into the comparison game.
This last one is especially for romantic breakups

5. Cut off communication with your ex

To truly get over your romantic breakup, you need to cut ties with your ex, at least temporarily.
This can mean on top of unfollowing on social media, you might need to also delete your ex's
number, depending on your self-control. It can also be good for you to not speak to your ex at all
for several weeks.

Given that some people want to remain friends after a break-up. While this might be possible in
the future, cutting off all communication for a lengthy period of time is essential to let your heart
heal and move beyond the deep pain that often accompanies the end of a relationship.

9. How to invest in a relationship

Hi everyone welcome back to the ninth series of decording relationships with EmoJar and I your
host Jay. In yesterdays series we talked about Dealing with loss.

Today we will be talking about the how to invest in a relationship. As we all know that
relationships go through ups and downs and they all take work, commitment, and a willingness
to adapt and change with the other person. But whether your relationship is just starting out or
you’ve been together for years, there are steps you can take to build a healthy relationship.
Even with a romantic relationship if you’ve experienced a lot of failed relationships in the past or
have struggled before to rekindle the fires of romance in your current relationship, you can find
ways to stay connected, find fulfillment, and enjoy lasting happiness.

Every relationship is unique, and people come together for many different reasons and still are
able to build a healthy relatiionship. Part of what defines a healthy relationship is sharing a
common goal for exactly what you want the relationship to be and where you want it to go. And
that’s something you’ll only know by talking deeply and honestly with another person.

Here I would like to take a minute and ask you guys as to what does healthy realtionship means
to you??

Next talk about falling in love vs maintaining love

We all have found ourselves falling in love but maintaining this love might have been something
that we might have faced issues with. Let see how we can maintain falling in love then.
1: Spend quality time face to face

2: Stay connected through communication

3: Keep physical intimacy alive

4: Learn to give and take in your relationship

5: Be prepared for ups and downs

10. Emotional Intimacy

Hi everyone welcome back to the tenth and final series of decording relationships with EmoJar
and I your host Jay. In yesterdays series we talked about how to invest in a relationship.

Today we are going to be talking on the same line as yesterdays topic.

As we know humans are hardwired for social connection. Without the ease of electricity and
running water the collective survival of our early ancestors depended on being able to work
together; to trust one another, this is exactly what we call emotional intimacy and this is the topic
for today. Emotional intimacy is the closeness between two people who feel safe and secure
with each other and this is one of the ways we form that trust.

Unfortunately, many of us have built-in barriers that make it difficult to build emotional
connections and these barries can be built due to quite a few different reasons.

Hence I would like to take this moment and ask you guys as to what are some of the reasons
that may result in us building these barriers.

For example, depression has been shown to strain romantic relationships while some
personality disorders make it hard to get close to other people. Or, if you were raised to hide
your emotions, being open and vulnerable in relationships might feel super uncomfortable.

But if emotional intimacy is a mountain in your path, know there are routes to the summit even if
you can’t see them clearly yet.

Let’s first understand what does emotional intimacy looks

We often define relationships as being high in emotional intimacy when there’s trust, good
communication, and closeness
A relationship that is built on trust, good communication and closeness is something we can call
being high in emotional intimacy. However, by no means does the relationship need to be
sexual in nature. While emotional intimacy helps hold romantic relationships together, you can
be just as emotionally intimate with a platonic friend as with your significant other.

Emotional intimacy is built on equal communication and trust. If your relationship is one-sided, it
may be time to reconsider how that connection is going. For example, unloading your emotional
burden on someone to get pity or cause guilt is not being emotionally intimate. Neither is trauma
bonding, trauma bond is when the bond is formed between a victim and their abuser. Similarly,
depending on another person to the point where it blurs personal boundaries is not emotional
intimacy and maybe a sign of a codependent relationship.

Now let's look at how we can learn to be more emotionally intimate with someone

Work on being an engaged listener

Problem-solve difficult feelings

Leave your comfort zone

Create a safe space

Don’t rush the process