Cohesion and Coherence

Summary of this lesson

• Begin sentences with subjects that communicate information

your readers are familiar with:
- The number of dead in the Civil War exceeded all other wars
in American history combine. A reason for the lingering
animosity between North and South today is the memory of
this terrible carnage.

- X Of all the wars in American history, none has exceeded the

Civil War in the number of dead. The memory of this
terrible carnage is one reason for the lingering animosity
between North and South today.
 Summary of this lesson

• Through a series of sentences, keep your topics short and

reasonably consistent:
- Competition by Asian companies with American
companies in the Pacific is the first phase of this study.
Labor costs and the ability to introduce new products
quickly in particular are examined. A plan that will show
American industry how to reconstruct its facilities will be
developed from this study.

- X In the first phase of this study, we examine how Asian

companies compete with American companies in the Pacific
region. We examine in particular their labor costs and ability
to introduce new products quickly. We develop from this
study a plan that will show American industry how to
restructure its facilities.
 Understanding Coherence

Passage 1
The basis of our American democracy – equal opportunity for all –
is being threatened by college costs that have been rising fast for
the last several year. Increases in family income have been
significantly outpaced by increases in tuition at our colleges and
universities during that period. Only the children at the wealthiest
families in our society will be able to afford a college education if
this trend continues. Knowledge and intellectual skills, in addition
to wealth, will divide us as a people, when that happens. Equal
opportunity and the egalitarian basis of our democratic society
could be eroded by such a divide.
 Understanding Coherence

Passage 2
In the last several years, college costs have been rising so fast that
they are now threatening the basis of our American democracy –
equal opportunity for all. During that period, tuition has
significantly outpaced increases in family income. If this trend
continues, a college education will soon be affordable only by the
children of the wealthiest families in our society. When that
happens, we will be a divided people not only by wealth, but by
knowledge and intellectual skills. Such a divide will erode equal
opportunity and the egalitarian basis of our democratic society.
 Understanding Coherence

• Passage 1 and Passage 2 more-or-less say the same thing.

• But Passage 1 seems choppy and disorganized while Passage

2 hangs together better.

• Base these judgments on two aspects of word order

- Judge sequences of sentences to be cohesive depending on
how each sentence ends and the next begins.

- Judge a whole passage to be coherent depending on how all

the sentences in a passage cumulatively begin.
 Cohesion: A Sense of Flow

Which of these passages flows better?

Passage 1 with the active middle sentence:

Some astonishing questions about the nature of the universe have
been raised by scientists studying black holes in space. The collapse
of a dead star into a point perhaps no larger than a marble creates
a black hole. So much matter compressed into so little volume
changes the fabric of space around it in puzzling ways.

Passage 2 with the passive middle sentence:

Some astonishing questions about the nature of the universe have
been raised by scientists studying black holes in space. A black hole
is created by the collapse of a dead star into a point perhaps no
larger than a marble. So much matter compressed into so little
volume changes the fabric of space around it in puzzling ways.
 Cohesion: A Sense of Flow

Which of these passages flows better?

Passage 1 with the active middle sentence:

Some astonishing questions about the nature of the universe have
been raised by scientists studying black holes in space. The collapse
of a dead star into a point perhaps no larger than a marble creates
a black hole. So much matter compressed into so little volume
changes the fabric of space around it in puzzling ways.

X Passage 2 with the passive middle sentence:

Some astonishing questions about the nature of the universe have
been raised by scientists studying black holes in space. A black hole
is created by the collapse of a dead star into a point perhaps no
larger than a marble. So much matter compressed into so little
volume changes the fabric of space around it in puzzling ways.
 Cohesion: A Sense of Flow

Why?
• Last words of 1st sentence introduce an important character -
black holes in space.
• The first concepts we hit in the 2nd sentence of Passage 1
are new ones – collapsed stars and marbles
... universe have been raised by scientists studying black holes
in space. The collapse of a dead star into a point perhaps no
larger than a marble creates .....

• But in Passage 2 we connect the 1st and 2nd sentence more

smoothly via black holes
... studying black holes in space. A black hole is created ...

Also end of sentence 2 connects well to start of sentence 3:

... black holes in space. A black hole is created by the collapse
of a dead star into a point perhaps no larger than a marble.
So much matter compressed into so little volume changes ...
 Here’s the point

• Sentences are cohesive when

- the last few words of one set up information that appears in
the first few words of the next sentence.

• The passive lets us arrange sentences so that they can flow

from one to the next easily.
 Diagnosis and Revision

• Begin sentences with information familiar to your

readers.
Readers get familiar information from
- the sentences they have just read and

- their general knowledge.

• End sentences with information that readers cannot

anticipate.
 Here’s the point

In every sequence of sentences you write, you have to balance

• principles that make individual sentences clear and

• principles that make a passage cohesive.

But in that tradeoff, give priority to helping readers create a sense

of cohesive flow.

If you make main characters subjects then it is easier to introduce these

familiar characters at the start of sentences.
 Question

Revise this passage to improve its old-new flow.

Two aims - the recovery of the American economy and the

modernization of America into a military power – were in the
presidents’ mind when he assumed his office. The drop in the
unemployment figures and inflation, and the increase in the GNP
testifies to his success in the first. But our increased involvement
in international conflict without any clear set of political goals
indicates less success with the second. Nevertheless, increases in
the military budget and a good deal of saber rattling pleased the
American voter.
 Question

Revise this passage to improve its old-new flow.

Revision: When the president assumed office, he had two aims

- the recovery of the American economy and the modernization of
America into a military power. He succeeded in the first as
testified to by the drop in the unemployment figures and inflation,
and the increase in the GNP. But he had less success with the
second, as indicated by our increased involvement in international
conflict without any clear set of political goals. Nevertheless, the
American voter was pleased by increases in the military budget
and much of the saber rattling.
 Coherence: A Sense of Whole

• Readers judge your writing as competent only when they feel

your writing is both cohesive and coherent.

• How to think about cohesion and coherence:

- Think of cohesion as pairs of sentences fitting together
the way two jigsaw pieces do.

- Think of coherence as seeing what all the sentences in a

piece of writing add up to - the picture formed by all the
jigsaw pieces.
 A Cohesive but Incoherent passage

Sayner; Wisconsin, is the snowmobile capital of the world. The

buzzing of snowmobile engines fills the air, and their tank-like tracks
crisscross the snow. The snow reminds me of Mom’s mashed
potatoes, covered with furrows I would draw with my fork. Her
mashed potatoes usually make me sick - that’s why I play with
them. I like to make a hole in the middle of the potatoes and fill it
with melted butter. This behavior has been the subject of long
chats between me and my analyst.
 A Cohesive but Incoherent passage

Sayner; Wisconsin, is the snowmobile capital of the world. The

buzzing of snowmobile engines fills the air, and their tank-like tracks
crisscross the snow. The snow reminds me of Mom’s mashed
potatoes, covered with furrows I would draw with my fork. Her
mashed potatoes usually make me sick - that’s why I play with
them. I like to make a hole in the middle of the potatoes and fill it
with melted butter. This behavior has been the subject of long
chats between me and my analyst.

It is incoherent because:
• The subjects of the sentences are entirely unrelated.
• The sentences share no common themes or ideas.
• The paragraph has no one sentence that states what the whole
passage explains or supports.
 Subjects, Topics, Grammar, and Coherence

• Use the term topic to mean what a sentence is about.

• But the topic is not always its grammatical subject.

• But readers expect it be !

• Readers judge writing to be clear and direct when they quickly

see topics and subject/characters in the same words.
 Subjects, Topics, Grammar, and Coherence

• Use the term topic to mean what a sentence is about.

• But the topic is not always its grammatical subject.

• But readers expect it be !

• Readers judge writing to be clear and direct when they quickly

see topics and subject/characters in the same words.
Examples where the main subject does not name the topic

• It is impossible for your claim to be proved.

• In regard to this question, I believe more research is needed.

• It is likely that our proposal will be accepted.

• Such results no one could have predicted.

Examples where the main subject does not name the topic

• It is impossible for your claim to be proved.

• In regard to this question, I believe more research is needed.

• It is likely that our proposal will be accepted.

• Such results no one could have predicted.

Main subject is in boldface.

Topic of the sentence is in red.
 Diagnosing and Revising Topics

Consistent ideas toward the beginnings of sentences, especially in

their subjects, help readers understand what a passage is generally
about. A sense of coherence arises when a sequence of topics
comprises a narrow set of related ideas. But the context of each
sentence is lost by seemingly random shifts of topics. Unfocused,
even disorganized paragraphs result when that happens.

Why does this passage feel choppy, out-of-focus, and disorganized?

 Diagnosing and Revising Topics

Consistent ideas toward the beginnings of sentences, especially in

their subjects, help readers understand what a passage is generally
about. A sense of coherence arises when a sequence of topics
comprises a narrow set of related ideas. But the context of each
sentence is lost by seemingly random shifts of topics. Unfocused,
even disorganized paragraphs result when that happens.

Diagnose
• Underline the first 7 to 8 words of every sentence in a passage.
• Underline first 5 or 6 words of every clause in these sentences
Consistent ideas toward the beginnings of sentences,
especially in their subjects, help readers understand what a
passage is generally about. A sense of coherence arises when a
sequence of topics comprises a narrow set of related ideas.
But the context of each sentence is lost by seemingly random
shifts of topics. Unfocused, even disorganized paragraphs
result when that happens.
 Diagnosing and Revising Topics

Consistent ideas toward the beginnings of sentences,

especially in their subjects, help readers understand what a passage
is generally about. A sense of coherence arises when a sequence of
topics comprises a narrow set of related ideas. But
the context of each sentence is lost by seemingly random shifts of
topics. Unfocused, even disorganized paragraphs result when that
happens.

Analyze
For this passage
• Do the underlined words constitute a relatively small set of
related ideas? No

• Even if you see how they are related, will your readers? No

• Do those words name the most important characters, real or

abstract? No
 Diagnosing and Revising Topics

Rewrite
• In most of your sentences, use subjects to name their topics.
• Put those subjects close to the beginning of the sentences.

The passage revised with the new topics in boldface:

Readers understand what a passage is generally about when they
see consistent ideas toward the beginnings of sentences, especially
in their subjects. They feel a passage is coherent when they read a
sequence of topics that focuses on a narrow set of related ideas.
But when topics seem to shift randomly, readers lose the context
of each sentence. When that happens, they feel they are reading
paragraphs that are unfocused and even disorganized.
 Quick Tip

When you start to draft each new section of your paper:

• Jot down the names of your characters.

• The characters should include

- flesh-and-blood characters - the real doers
- important concepts that you will describe

• As you draft, put those characters into the subjects of most of

your sentences.

• If you write several sentences without mentioning those

characters you may have gotten off track.
 Quick Tip

When you start to draft each new section of your paper:

• Jot down the names of your characters.

• The characters should include

- flesh-and-blood characters - the real doers
- important concepts that you will describe

• As you draft, put those characters into the subjects of most of

your sentences.

• If you write several sentences without mentioning those

characters you may have gotten off track.
 The Difficult Craft of Beginning a Sentence Well

• Readers want to get to the topic/subjects of a sentence

quickly.

• But writers often indulge in some throat-clearing at the

beginning of a sentence.
 The Difficult Craft of Beginning a Sentence Well

• Typically start with some METADISCOURSE to connect the

current sentence with the previous one with transitions:
And therefore ...

• Add some more metadiscourse that expresses our attitude

toward what is coming:
And therefore, it is important to note ...

• Then maybe we indicate time, place or manner:

And therefore, it is important to note that, in Eastern
states since 1980...

• Only then do we get to the topic/subject:

And therefore, it is important to note that, in Eastern
states since 1980, acid rain has become a serious
problem.
 The Difficult Craft of Beginning a Sentence Well

• Typically start with some METADISCOURSE to connect the

current sentence with the previous one with transitions:
And therefore ...

• Add some more metadiscourse that expresses our attitude

toward what is coming:
And therefore, it is important to note ...

• Then maybe we indicate time, place or manner:

And therefore, it is important to note that, in Eastern
states since 1980...

• Only then do we get to the topic/subject:

And therefore, it is important to note that, in Eastern
states since 1980, acid rain has become a serious
problem.
 The Difficult Craft of Beginning a Sentence Well

• Typically start with some METADISCOURSE to connect the

current sentence with the previous one with transitions:
And therefore ...

• Add some more metadiscourse that expresses our attitude

toward what is coming:
And therefore, it is important to note ...

• Then maybe we indicate time, place or manner:

And therefore, it is important to note that, in Eastern
states since 1980...

• Only then do we get to the topic/subject:

And therefore, it is important to note that, in Eastern
states since 1980, acid rain has become a serious
problem.
 The Difficult Craft of Beginning a Sentence Well

• Typically start with some METADISCOURSE to connect the

current sentence with the previous one with transitions:
And therefore ...

• Add some more metadiscourse that expresses our attitude

toward what is coming:
And therefore, it is important to note ...

• Then maybe we indicate time, place or manner:

And therefore, it is important to note that, in Eastern
states since 1980...

• Only then do we get to the topic/subject:

And therefore, it is important to note that, in Eastern
states since 1980, acid rain has become a serious
problem.
 The Difficult Craft of Beginning a Sentence Well

• When you open several sentence like that, ....

• your readers have a hard time seeing not just what each
sentence is about, but their cumulative focus.
• When you find a sentence with lots of words before its
subject/topic:
And therefore, it is important to note that, in Eastern
states since 1980, acid rain has become a serious
problem.

Revise:
X Since 1980, therefore, acid rain has become a
political problem in the Eastern states.
 Here’s the Point

• When you begin sentences, choose your topics carefully.

• Make most of your topics subjects in your sentences.

• Topics should also be

- short, concrete, familiar information,
- the main characters in the story you are telling,
- the sources of the actions in your verbs.

• Keep your topics consistent.

• Your topics should tell your readers what a passage is globally

about.
 Question

Revise this passage to give it consistent topic strings.

- First determine the characters, then their actions.
- Then start each sentence with a character and let the sentence take
you where it wants to go.

The importance of language skills in children’s problem-solving

ability was stressed by Jones (1985) in his paper on children’s
thinking. Improvement in nonverbal problem solving was reported
to have occurred as a result of improvements in language skills.
The use of previously acquired language habits for problem
articulation and activation of knowledge previously learned through
language are thought to be the cause of better performance.
Therefore, systematic practice in the verbal formulation of
nonlinguistic problems prior to attempts at their solution might be
an avenue for exploration in the enhancement of problem solving in
general.
 Question

Revise this passage to give it consistent topic strings.

- First determine the characters, then their actions.
- Then start each sentence with a character and let the sentence take
you where it wants to go.

Potential Characters:
• Jones

• children

• problem solving ability

• teachers

• ....
 Question

Revise this passage to give it consistent topic strings.

- First determine the characters, then their actions.
- Then start each sentence with a character and let the sentence take
you where it wants to go.

Revision: In his paper on children’s thinking, Jones (1985)

stressed the importance of language skills in the ability of children
to solve problems. He reported that when children improved their
language skills, they improved their ability to solve non-verbal
problems. Jones thinks that they performed better because they
used previously acquired language habits to articulate the problems
and activate knowledge learned through language. We might
therefore explore whether children could learn to solve problems
better if they practice how to formulate them.
 Qualification 1: Alleged Monotony

• Common Advice:
Vary how you begin your sentences.

• Advice of this lesson:

Begin sentences with familiar information
=⇒ may start sentences with a common topic/subject.

• Contradicting advice

• Don’t change topics to just vary your sentence beginnings.

Monotony is the lesser evil than varying your subject/topics.
 Qualification 1: Alleged Monotony

• Common Advice:
Vary how you begin your sentences.

• Advice of this lesson:

Begin sentences with familiar information
=⇒ may start sentences with a common topic/subject.

• Contradicting advice

• Don’t change topics to just vary your sentence beginnings.

Monotony is the lesser evil than varying your subject/topics.
 Qualification 1: Alleged Monotony

This passage goes over the top in consistency:

“ Moral climate” is created when an objectivized moral standard for

treating people is accepted by others. Moral climate results from
norms of behavior that are accepted by society whereby if people
conform they are socially approved of, or if they don’t they are
shunned. In this light, moral climate acts a reason to refrain from
saying or doing things that the community does not support. A
moral climate encourages individuals to conform to a morel
standard and apply that standard to their own circumstances.
 Qualification 1: Alleged Monotony

This passage goes over the top in consistency:

“ Moral climate” is created when an objectivized moral standard for

treating people is accepted by others. Moral climate results from
norms of behavior that are accepted by society whereby if people
conform they are socially approved of, or if they don’t they are
shunned. In this light, moral climate acts a reason to refrain from
saying or doing things that the community does not support. A
moral climate encourages individuals to conform to a morel
standard and apply that standard to their own circumstances.

But be cautious: most writers change topics too often.

 Qualification 2: Faked Cohesion

Don’t fake coherence by lacing prose with conjunctions like

thus, therefore, however, .....
when there are no logical connections.

Example:
Because the press is the major medium of interaction between the
president and the people, how it portrays him influences his
popularity. Therefore, it should report on the president objectively.
Both reporters and the president are human, however, subject to
error and favoritism. Also, people act differently in public than they
do in private. Hence, to understand a person, it is important to
know the whole person, his environment upbringing, and education,
Indeed, from the correspondence with his family, we can learn much
about Harry S. Truman, our thirty-third president.
 Qualification 2: Faked Cohesion

• Do not overuse words like

and, also, moreover, another, ......
and words that simply say Here’s one more thing

• Use a but or however when you contradict or qualify what

you just said.

• Use a therefore or consequently to wind up a line of reasoning.

• Avoid using these conjunctions more than a few times a page.

Don’t need them when your sentences are cohesive and your
paragraphs are coherent.
 Qualification 2: Faked Cohesion

• Do not overuse words like

and, also, moreover, another, ......
and words that simply say Here’s one more thing

• Use a but or however when you contradict or qualify what

you just said.

• Use a therefore or consequently to wind up a line of reasoning.

• Avoid using these conjunctions more than a few times a page.

Don’t need them when your sentences are cohesive and your
paragraphs are coherent.
 Qualification 2: Faked Cohesion

• Do not overuse words like

and, also, moreover, another, ......
and words that simply say Here’s one more thing

• Use a but or however when you contradict or qualify what

you just said.

• Use a therefore or consequently to wind up a line of reasoning.

• Avoid using these conjunctions more than a few times a page.

Don’t need them when your sentences are cohesive and your
paragraphs are coherent.
 Qualification 2: Faked Cohesion

• Do not overuse words like

and, also, moreover, another, ......
and words that simply say Here’s one more thing

• Use a but or however when you contradict or qualify what

you just said.

• Use a therefore or consequently to wind up a line of reasoning.

• Avoid using these conjunctions more than a few times a page.

Don’t need them when your sentences are cohesive and your
paragraphs are coherent.
 Question

Revise this passage to give it consistent topic strings.

- First determine the characters, then their actions.
- Then start each sentence with a character and let the sentence take
you where it wants to go.

Many issues other than science, domestic politics in particular, faced

Truman when he was considering the Oppenheimer committee’s
recommendation to stop the hydrogen bomb project. A sino-Soviet bloc
had been proclaimed by Russia and China, so the Cold War was
becoming an issue. Support for Truman’s foreign policy was shrinking
among Republican leaders in Congress. And the first Russian atom bomb
test made the public demand a strong response from him. Truman’s
conclusion that he could not afford letting the public think that Russia
had been allowed to be first in developing the most powerful weapon yet
was an inevitable one. The risk in the Oppenheimer recommendation was
worth taking according to some historians, but the political issues that
Truman had to face were too powerful to ignore.
 Question

Revise this passage to give it consistent topic strings.

- First determine the characters, then their actions.
- Then start each sentence with a character and let the sentence take
you where it wants to go.

Potential Characters:
• Truman

• Oppenheimer

• Russia

• the public

• ...
 Question

Revise this passage to give it consistent topic strings.

- First determine the characters, then their actions.
- Then start each sentence with a character and let the sentence take
you where it wants to go.

Revision: When Truman considered the Oppenheimer committee’s

recommendation to stop the hydrogen bomb project, he had to consider
many issues. Russia and China had just proclaimed the sino-Soviet bloc,
so he had to contend with the Cold War. He was losing support for his
foreign policy among the Republican leaders in Congress, and when the
Russians tested their first atom bomb, the public demanded that he
respond strongly. It was inevitable that Truman would conclude he could
not let the public think he had allowed Russia to be first in developing the
most powerful weapon yet. In retrospect, according to some historians,
Truman should have risked taking the Oppenheimer recommendation,
but he had to face political issues that were too powerful to ignore.