PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

Lesson 9

TOPIC: ATTRACTION, LOVE AND COMMITMENT

LEARNING COMPTENCIES:
1. Discuss an understanding of teen-age relationships, including the acceptable and unacceptable expressions of
attractions. (ESP-PD11/12PR-Iii-9.1);
2. Express his/her ways of showing attraction, love, and commitment. (ESP-PD11/12PR-Iii-9.2);
3. Identify ways to become responsible in a relationship. (ESP-PD11/12PR-Iii-9.3);

CONCEPT NOTES:

Every human being has his own way of expressing his attraction, love, and commitment due to our different life
experiences. When attraction between two persons is discussed, it is often understood as based on physical appearance
while this might be true to a certain extent but there is more to attraction that we already know.
According to Helen Fisher, attraction is primarily on physiology or certain hormones that get attracted to others and
is the first stage during the changes of personality development which leads to closeness, love and commitment. But,
disappointments in relationships occur usually because of the misunderstanding about the different ways of expressing their
attraction, love and commitment. Thus, let us explore how we can express our attraction, love and commitment to others.

In the biological model of love as proposed by anthropologist Helen Fisher, love can start with any of these three feelings:
lust, attraction and attachment depending on the person. Each involves different neurochemicals in your brain.

Three Brain Systems of Love or Stages of Falling in Love

1. Lust refers to an urge or desire that motivates us to partake in sexual activity.

2. Attraction is described as the love-struck phase. This is the stage when a person loses sleep and appetite over someone
and become excited to someone while daydreaming of special person. It is part of lust because it involves focusing our
attention to a particular person or desire. Many factors influence attraction.

Factors of Attraction
a. Physical Attractiveness
It is one of the primary determinants of romantic attraction. Most people prefer whom they consider physically
attractive especially in the early stages of dating.
b. Proximity
People tend to get attracted to people who are geographically closer to them. They are more likely to develop
feelings of mutual familiarity with the people who live close to us or go to school with us and increased level of
comfort when there is regular contact and no prior negative feelings.
c. Similarity
People pick partners who we have similarities with such as social class, background, religious beliefs, age and
education. The more attitudes and opinions two people share, especially when they are similar, the more they will
want to do the same activities, and would create a strong bond between them.
d. Reciprocity
People like others who like them back. People feel indebted when someone does something good for them and
tend to reciprocate the action. The more we are liked by someone they equally like, the more we behave in ways
that promote mutual feelings of liking.

3. Attachment is a deep and enduring emotional bond that connects one person to another across time and space. It is
when long-lasting commitments are exchanged.

Robert Strenberg (1988) suggests that there are three main components of love. Love relationships vary and it
depends on the presence or absence of each of these components.
Three Components of Triangular Theory of Love
1. INTIMACY is an intimate interpersonal relationship that involves physical or emotional intimacy. It is
characterized by friendship, familiarity, or romantic love. It involves closeness, connectedness, and
bondedness.
2. PASSION is an intense emotion, a compelling enthusiasm or desire for something.
3. COMMITMENT is the attitude of someone who works very hard to do or support something. It is an act deciding to
consistently fulfil and live by agreements made with another person, entity, or cause, and where the values of integrity
and respect serve as a guide to one’s behaviour and thinking. The easy ways to express your commitment to your
relationships is to show love and loyalty, respect and appreciate others, convey honesty and trust, work as a team and
compromise, and disagree agreeably.

The combination of the three (3) components can produce eight (8) types of love.
Types of Love Intimacy Passion Commitment Example
Nonlove No No No
Liking Yes No No Friendships
Infatuation No Yes No Experiencing love at first sight or
being obsessed with a person

Empty Love No No Yes Stagnant Relationships or Arrange

marriage
Fatuous No Yes Yes Relationships motivated by passion

Companionate Yes No Yes Relationships lacking passion such

as those between family members or
close friends

Romantic Yes Yes No Being bonded emotionally and

physically to another person

Consummate Yes Yes Yes Complete love

Love occurs not solely between romantic partners only. Humans can experience different types of love in various
relationships, such as with romantic partners, friends, family and even strangers. Ancient Greeks studied love and denote
each type by giving each one a Greek name. Lee (1973) offers a theory love styles which are derived from an analysis of
writings about love through centuries.

1. PHILIA – Affectionate Love

It is a love that runs deep in true friendship. Love without romantic attraction and occurs between friends or family
members. It is called brotherly love when both people share the same values and respect each other.

Ways to show this love:

 Engage in deep conversation with a friend.
 Exchange beliefs and imperfections with close friends.
 Be open and trustworthy
 Be supportive in difficult times.

2. PRAGMA – Enduring Love

It is a mature love that develops over time. Commitment and efforts are needed to reach “Pragma”. Instead of “falling in
love”, you are “standing in love” with the partner by your side.
 Ways to show this love:
 Continue to strengthen the bond of long-term relationships
 Seek and show effort with your partner.
 Choose to work with your partner forever.

3. STORGE – Familiar love

It is naturally occurring love rooted in parents and children, as well as best friends. It’s an infinite love built upon
acceptance and deep emotional connection. This love come easily and immediately in parent and child relationships. It
flows between parents and children or childhood friends.

Ways to show this love:

 Sacrifice your time, self or personal pleasures.
 Quickly forgive harmful actions.
 Share memorable and impactful moments.
 Show gratitude towards the people close to you.

4. EROS – Romantic Love

It is a personal infatuation and physical pleasure. It is a passionate love displayed through physical affection.

Ways to show this love:

 Admiring someone’s physical body
 Engage in physical touch such as hugging and kissing but it is not appropriate for you yet.

5. LUDUS –Playful love

Flirting and beginning stages of intimate love. It is a child-like and flirtatious love found in the beginning. This type of
love consists of teasing, playful motives and laughter between two people.

Ways to show this love:

 Spend time together to laugh and have fun
 Exemplify childlike behaviour together.

6. MANIA –Obsessive Love

Obsessiveness or madness over a love partner is mania. It leads to unwanted jealousy or possessiveness.

Ways to avoid this love:

 Recognize obsessive or possessive behaviour before acting upon it.
 Focus on yourself more than another person.
 Put trust into your relationships

7. PHILAUTIA –Self Love

It is having a healthy “self-compassion” love towards one’s self.
It is when you recognize your self-worth and don’t ignore your personal needs. Self-love begins with acknowledging
your responsibility for your well-being.

Ways to avoid this love:

 Respect, accept ad appreciate yourself.
 Create environment that nurtures your well-being.
 Take care of yourself like a parent would care for a child
 Spend time around people who supports you.

8. AGAPE –Selfless Love

It is an empathetic attitude of love for everyone and anyone. It is the highest love to offer. It is given
without any expectations of receiving anything in return. It is considered as unconditional love.

Ways to avoid this love:

 Dedicate your life to improve the lives of others.
 Stay conscious of your actions for the good of humankind.
 Offer your time and charity to someone in need.
 Express unconditional love in any situation
 ANSWER SHEET FOR lesson 9

NAME:____________________________________YEAR/
SECTION:______________________SCORE:_____

Activity 1: The People I am Attracted to

Write down the name of the person/s that best fit for each statement on the second column and on the third column,
elaborate/specify the reason/s of your attraction similar to the statement given. You can answer as many as you can.

Example: I am physically attracted to (name of the person) because she has lovely eyes and beautiful smile.

Statement Name of Person/s Reasons

1. I like him/her because he/she is physically attractive.

2. I am attracted to him/her because I am familiar with him/her and

we often see each other.

3. I am attracted to him/her because we are alike.

4. I am attracted to him/her because we have the same feelings or

we like each other.

Activity 2: Love Test

Each item is a hypothetical situation that reveals psychological aspects of you. However, the results are not necessarily
true. When answering a question, do not dwell too much on the item and simply write your answer that comes in your mind
first.

Hypothetical Situation Answer

1. You are walking to your boyfriend's or girlfriend's house. There are two roads to get there. A
straight path that you will arrive quickly but is very plain and boring. The other is longer but full o Short
of wonderful and interesting sights. Which path will you choose? o Long

2. On the way, there are two rose bushes which is full of red roses and the other is full of white.
You pick 20 roses for your loved one. What color combination will you choose? (Any
combination including all one color is fine.

3. You finally get to your boyfriend's or girlfriend's house. A family member answers the door. oDo it yourself
You can ask them to please get your boyfriend/girlfriend or you can go yourself. Which do you oAsk a family member
do?
4. You go up to your girlfriend's or boyfriend's room, but nobody is there. You can leave the oWindow sill
rose. Where will you out the roses? oBed
5. Later, it's time for bed. Both of you sleep in separate rooms. In the morning, when it is time oAwake
for both of you to get up, you go into his or her room and check up on them. When you arrive, oAsleep
is he or she awake or asleep?

6. Now it is time for you to go back home. Do you take the short but plain and boring road or oShort
the longer, sight filled road? oLong
ACTIVITY 3 : Love Combination
Identify the perfect combination of different theory of love styles that can create something beautiful on your
connection with your family, friends and significant other. Though there isn’t a perfect equation for every
relationship, these combinations can provide a perspective on how to work various types of love into your
relationships.

Relationship Combination of Types of Love

Family ___________+____________+_____________

Friendship ___________+____________+_____________

Significant Other ___________+____________+_____________

ACTIVITY 4. Love Language In The Family

This activity aims to help you realize your love language or the way you would usually prefer to receive from and give love to
your parents, friends and significant other. You can take the “Love Language Personal Profile” based on Dr. Gary
Cahpman’s The 5 Love Languages using this link https://bit.ly/3cpjE1H.

If you don’t have internet access, you can actually assess yourself, your family, friends, and significant others of your love
languages.

1. Words of Affirmation
“Actions don’t always speak louder than word”. Unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Wanting to hear “I love you”
or other positive compliments you’re your partner. And if you don’t hear it, then you might feel unloved. Insults can leave you
shattered and are not easily forgotten. You wanted to hear kind and encouraging words that build you up.

2. Acts of Service
Doing nice things for other people and anything you do to ease the burden of the other person are “acts of service.”
Whether it’s changing someone’s oil, cleaning the house, or giving a back rub, doing things to help make the other person
happy is what this one is about. Helping with homework can be an expression of love to you. The words you wanted to hear
is “Let me do it for you”.
3. Receiving Gifts
You value giving and receiving gifts and some do not. So, if you measure your partner’s love by how many gifts you are
given, then your love language is “receiving gifts.” Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of the gifts
wanted on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. A missed birthday or a thoughtless gift would be disastrous.

4. Quality Time
You measure the quality of love by how much time the other people want to spend with you. If you don’t get enough
“together time,” then you might feel unloved. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the
TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks standby makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions,
postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be hurtful.

5. Physical Touch
A person whose primary language is physical touch is not very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hand and thoughtful
touches on the arm can show excitement, concern, care and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while
neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Appropriate and timely touches communicate warmth, safety and
love to you.

ACTIVITY 5: l Reflection
Upon knowing the results, reflect and write in your journal the following:
 1.
Using the answer in activity 1, write your love language and the love languages of your listed family
members such as parents and siblings, friends and significant other.
2. How you can further express your love to them?
3. List down the things on how you wanted to be loved and how you can share your love to them.
 PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT
Lesson 10

TOPIC: BEING RESPONSIBLE IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

CONCEPT NOTES:

The situations given in the previous activity can all be applicable among your family and significant other or partner. Learn to
recognize examples of people who engage in negative behaviors that lead to unhealthy relationships. These are some
important aspects for healthy relationships.

Important Aspects for Healthy Relationships

Adapted from Woititz, J. , Adult Children of Alcoholics

Mutual Respect Do I treat the other person as if he/she is of value?

Compassion Do I have genuine concern for the issues that cause the other person concern?

Empathy To what degree am I able to allow myself to be open to what he/she feels?

Understanding Do I try to understand the other peson, what they say or do?
Acceptance Can I feel I am okay the way I am? Do I accept him/her as he/she is?

Honesty Is the relationship built on truthfulness, or are there games involved?

Trust To what degree am I willing to let the other person know private aspects of my thoughts,
feelings, and life?

Good Communication Can we talk freely about issues that are important to the relationships?
Do we know how to talk so we each are understood and sharing is safe?

Consideration Am I mindful of the other person’s needs as well as my own?

Compatibility To what extent do we like and value the same things?
Mutual Enjoyment In areas of disagreement, are we able to agree or disagree?

Personal Integrity Am I able to maintain my beliefs and sense of self as well as offer my time and attention to the
relationship?

Vulnerability To what degree can I let down my barriers and allow the other person to see my perceived
weaknesses, without fear of negative reactions from them?
 \
ANSWER SHEET FOR lesson 10

NAME:______________________________YEAR/SECTION:____________________SCORE:_______

ACTIVITY 1: Friendship Stoplight Analogy

Recognize examples of positive and negative behaviors related to healthy and unhealthy relationships. The purpose of this
activity is to explore relationships using stoplight analogy. Color the circle corresponding to you answer.

RED – Stop! These are bad sign of relationship.

YELLOW – Caution! These are warning signs of relationship.
GREEN – Go! These are good signs in a friendship!

1. You are afraid of your friend’s temper. 11. Your friend threatens to hurt you.

2. You enjoy being with this person but you 9. You say that you agree with your friends,
also enjoy spending time with other friends. even though you really don’t. You are afraid
they won’t be your friend anymore, if you
disagree.

3. Your friend pressures you to do things you 10. You rarely get to plan what the two of you
do not want to do. will do together.

4. Your friend tells you not to hang out with 12. You are nervous that if you tell your friend
certain people. something personal, he/she will tell other
people at school.

5. You usually feel happy when you are with 13. Your friend is happy when good things
this person. happen to you and celebrates your
successes..

6. Your friends talks to you about his/her 14. Your friends sometimes make fun of you.
feelings.

7. Your friend criticises you or people you 15. Your friend respects your feelings and
care about. your opinions.

8. Your friend bullies and makes fun of other

people at school.
ACTIVITY 2: Characteristics of Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships
Divide your paper into two columns and identify healthy and unhealthy relationships

1. You feel good about yourself when you’re around the other person.
2. You do not try to control each other. There is equal amount of give and take.
3. You feel sad, angry, scared, or worried.
4. There is communication, sharing and trust. You feel safe to share secrets.
5. You feel that you give more attention to them than they give to you. You feel controlled.
6. You don’t communicate, share or trust.
7. You like to spend time together but also enjoy doing things apart.
8. You feel pressured to spend time together and you feel guilty when you’re both apart from each other.
9. You feel the need to be someone that you are not.
10. It’s easy to be yourself when you are with them.
11. You respect each other’s opinion. You listen and try to understand their point of view even if you don’t always agree with
them.
12. You feel the need to be someone that you are not.
13. There is no fear in your relationship.
14. You feel there’s no respect for you or your opinion. You are not able to disagree.
15. You feel fear in your relationship.

ACTIVITY 3: Reflection
Upon learning to determine the ways to nurture you relationship to others, reflect and write in your journal the following:
1. Assess your relationship with your family, friends or significant partner by identifying the things that make it healthy
and unhealthy.
2. Write possible ways on how you will change your unhealthy relationship to them into healthy relationship (if there’s
any).
3. What are the things you can possibly do or promise to yourself to become responsible in maintaining the healthy
relationship you have to other people?