My Autobiography

My name is Desiree Jane M. Cabidog, I was born and raised in Kassel Homes Tacloban
City on October 28, 2002, which makes me 20 years old today. I currently live with my
family of four, my parents were born with two children, which are me, the eldest one,
and my youngest sister Kate, as well as my mother, Myrna, and my father, Wilfredo.

I am a skinny girl whom my sister told me that I look like I have a ‘perfect model shape
body, even though my body is like this, I struggle to get my body to get back in shape
like when I do longer and moderate exercise, I feel like my mind is about to shut down,
and I often eat fatty foods every day, so apparently, my body is weak sometimes,
especially my mind, and it can happen to me at any time. I do have a feature on my
body which is I have an overbite, which means the upper teeth aren’t aligned or beyond
my lower teeth; though there are cons to having an overbite, I don’t mind having it
because I can make wacky face whatever I like to make it funny, it depends on what I
want to create. I have morena skin and short black hair, those are my final 2 body
features. My body isn’t perfect, from head to toe, when putting my make-up on bothers
me most of the time because one of my eyes would itch, since I have an overbite so I
kind of worry that the lipstick would stick to my teeth, more likely I just wipe it on my
lips, not the rest of my face. I do have injuries on my foot and health issues that I
tackled, and I look on social media that some celebrities have to take a photo of
themselves. Despite all of that, I let my insecurities aside, and I don’t want to put
anything on my body to take away from who I am like piercings or others. Instead, I
embrace myself, learn to explore myself, be natural about my looks because I want it to
be simple about myself, and do what makes me comfortable, my clothes or others, that’s
what makes it me, and I feel like I’m proud of my body.

When I start to find out my sexuality, I was having my first crush on my classmate since
I was in grade six, so it was an exploration of my sexuality for me. And the rest of my 4
crushes followed in later years, two of them I have fully crushed on, and the other two
also I am half-crush on them, which means I have a crush on someone for a couple of
months and later my feelings fades away as time goes by. When I was playing a mobile
online game, I met my ex-boyfriend of mine, we would just chat and do fun stuff for
long hours, when he confess my love for me, and I confess to him back, my mind
sparked, and I am having my sexual thoughts about him, that’s where I confirm my
sexuality, which is I’m straight, and I don’t have my insecurities about it. However,
later I broke up with him because he annoyed me that he wants me to do bad stuff for
him. And as of today, I have my current boyfriend, we’ve been together for a year and a
couple of months now, and our relationship is going well. I identify myself as a woman
and I express my gender as feminine, though I’m kind of curious about androgyny
because I was thinking about wearing male clothes, what men would act or pose, and
maybe doing what a man has to do stuff.

So I started using technology when I was a kid, the computer to be exact, it is where I go
and play some games at the internet cafe. I remember when I play Plants vs. Zombies
since it was my first game to ever play on a computer, when it was time to leave the
computer, I had fun with it. Then days later, I started to ask permission to my parents
for money and go to the internet cafe to play games again, but this time, I play on the
website, I remembered there are several games to choose from each series, it was a
channel based website by the way, and I had fun playing it. I also remember that one
time during the game, I was pressing keys at the same time that I accidentally turned
off the computer, and the person who is keeping an eye on the customers wasn’t happy
that I did it. As months or years goes by, I go there to play games on the computer
almost every day I became addicted to it and I extended my time on the internet café, so
I had to limit myself to focus on school. Fast forward to when I play Roblox since this is
my first time playing an online game, it was a long time ago after a year of playing it, I
experienced bullying online, more likely they degrading me. It happens to me
throughout my experience playing it and other online games that I play. My body felt
like someone filled up my anger the more I look at it, and later, my mind would replay
what I just witnessed, it bothers me that I still think about it that I want to just forget
about it. I’ve also experienced that they mocked me about something, like on Facebook
where that user would mock my looks, I reported him and later got accepted when I got
the notification about it. Sometimes I got into a fight on social media or online games,
and I regret it now that I think about it deeply. Years of using the internet, I’ve been
cautious about any potential scams because my sister experienced one, to not get
involved with any conflicts online and ignore it, especially politics today, to be aware
not to leak my personal information to someone unless it’s needed, to take breaks and
don’t spend time using technology for too long because I already procrastinate on just
using my phone or computer.

I have been thinking of some things I want to buy either online shopping or going to the
mall or somewhere, I spent my money buying food mostly when I finished my time at
school, going out with my family and meeting place with my classmates. There is one
thing that I ask my mom to buy me something, and that is my wireless earphones, it’s
something that I’ve been looking forward to buying and I own it today, there are kinds
of stuff that she bought for me, but that’s one of the things I can recall. I don’t want to
tell my parents to buy more things for me so that they can take their time to gain more
money, my sister is more of a spendthrift out of all of my family, she usually just
bought Japanese snacks, clothes, etc. from online shopping, my parents starts to get
mad at her because she kept on buying things there that they’re going to save their
money to pay bills, that’s why I limit myself on buying things unless they are allow it.
For now, I have things in my mind on what I’m about to buy. I love pets and I would
love to own one, but my parents won’t allow me to have one because I may have to get
rabies or other diseases, and I have to be responsible enough to take care of it. I think to
myself that if I own one, I would be more responsive to them like they’re my children, I
would do everything for them, even if I have my motivation to help my parents and to
do chores, maybe, this is what I’m thinking about it.

I am neutral when it comes to religion, mine is Roman Catholic by the way, after me
and my sister discussed it, she told me and question about why are they praying at the
altar where they’re just praying at the statue, that’s one of them. And the last one I just
witness from watching Magpakailangman with my mom is where the spiritual old man
would stop the lady from being possessed by the demon inside her, there’s a part where
a grandmother looks at him walking with his followers, and he commands them to kill
the kid at the end in order for his ‘bad spirits’ to be gone. I’m kind of skeptical about
religions, even though miracles can happen when we pray to God or Jesus, sometimes
some people can be hypocrites, I heard from my teacher when I was in Grade 10 that
she told us about them having a party, if I remember correctly, then months ago where I
eat meat during holy week, and nothing happened to me, as if it was normal, so I don’t
usually follow most of the traditions during holy week. I mostly pray at night when I’m
about to go to sleep, and I sometimes pray during events when it’s needed. I feel that I
have this “cold but driven persona”, kind of, where like I will focus on finishing school
and not focus on confessing my feelings to someone during my school days because I
have my own world, and it would distract me more when I do that. So basically, I want
to focus on my school, my family, and my hobbies, and since I have a boyfriend so, I’ll
try to balance it out. Me and my family have ups and downs, but I care for them, even
though I’m a lazy person, and I’m seeking today on what my passion will be, it’s either
between cooking or doing technology stuff. And I’m still seeking out what my
happiness would be because I’ve been crying myself to sleep thinking about random
thoughts that I felt like I’m drowning, I felt guilty for what I have done to myself, and
what would happen to my loved ones.

I have a strong opinion on this one since the election has ended and they choose the
terrible politicians, especially the president, vice president, and other politicians who
are involved in their positions have nothing but horrible ideas that they’ve come out to
‘serve’ our country. I wanted to vote for people who seek transparency, a good
governance, seek out the voice for the poor people, and willing to change for the better.
I didn’t manage to vote last May because I forgot to register myself for the elections
now that I have the National ID, so I regret it. I used to watch any debates, especially
the presidential debate, and there’s two candidates that I admired, which is Leni
Robredo and Ka Leody De Guzman, when they talk about the given issues by a host,
they elaborate the solution as if they’re true to their words, and I just love them. I think
of myself in skeptical mood “I’m sure Bongbong Marcos will win the election, same as
Sara Duterte” even though I hate them to be next president and vice president. There
are other excellent politicians that deserves to be in that position, but as we already
know, several Filipinos fell for disinformation where they make dummy accounts so
they can make fake news and fake facts resulting to historical revisionism, insulting
other politicians for no reason, except for corrupt ones because they deserve it, and
killing someone, more likely journalist, or imprisoned because they voiced out their
opinions about them against the corrupt politicians. There are times that I involved into
a debate on Facebook, there are people stopped commenting because they did a bad
take on it, more likely an insult for Leni, other’s that I just left there and not comment
again. I did attend on Leni and Kiko’s rally with my sister, it was the moment that I felt
truly alive, when I saw food stalls that are giving free foods, free flags that had been
given to us, and when I saw all the politicians on the stage, I was like, this is it! This is it
that I had hopes for them to make Philippines better, and we had fun with it. Days after
election, I felt so disappointing that several corrupt candidates won, it’s like I’m losing
hope now, with the help of those trolls doing horrible things for them. I wish people
would see the truth more because there are historians to back up the facts, journalists
and news casters speak up and show on the news about inflation of stuff, and they’re
just degrading them, plus they believe from the idiots. That’s why I have to be aware
with disinformation and to vote for them who deserves more, and willing to help the
poor because they need it. That is all for my autobiography.