Personal relationships

Introduction: Friendships occupy an increasingly important place in the lives of adolescents. Most of
the adolescents have one or two "best friends" and several good friends. Teenagers see their friends
frequently usually several hours a day (Hartup, 1993). And when teenagers are not with friends, they
can often be seen talking with each other on the phone, texting them, or chatting with them online.
Friendships in adolescence are different from the friendship in childhood, as they are more likely to
stress the importance of acceptance, self-disclosure, and mutual understanding in their friendships
(Gonzalez et al 2004).

Friends are likely to. share certain behavioral similarities. They often are alike in their school
attitudes, educational aspirations, and school achievement, Friends also tend to have similar attitudes
about drinking, drug use, sexual activity, and educational plans.

Friendship contributes to a positive self-concept and psychological adjustment. Adolescents who

have close friends tend to have higher self-esteem than adolescents who do. not. Teenagers who
have close friendships also are more likely to show advanced stages of identity development (Berndt
1992; Bukowski et al. 1993b).

Peer Groups

In addition to forming close friendships, most adolescents belong to one or larger peer groups, these
groups can be cliques and crowds.

Cliques consist of five to ten individuals who hang around and share activities and confidences.

Crowds are larger groups of individuals who may or may not spend time together and are identified
by the particular activities or attitudes of the group. Crowds are usually given labels by other
adolescents such as "jocks", "nerds" or "brains."

According to B. Baskin in his study entitled Adolescent Romantic Relationship in 2009, adolescent
romantic relationships can be categorized into the following phases:

Initiation Phase - The initiation phase of romantic relationships starts from pre-adolescence to ear]
adolescence. While the attraction for the opposite sex begins, the most relationship remains on same-
sex peers. The romantic attention and selection process during this phase is shallow since romantic
relationships mainly focus on physical characteristics. They consider partners who have similar
characteristics attractive.

Affiliation Phase in this phase, students often gather in mixed-sex groups. As they age, the number
of opposite-sex friends increases. This interaction with members of the opposite sex allows teens to
be aware of behavior: and views of the other sex. Thus, they develop, a more comfortable feeling
around the opposite sex and can beg to connect with them. These interactions are not intimate and
usually focus on social settings such as school event parties, and breaks between classes.
Companionship defines friendship (although son teens, especially in early adolescence, believe it to
be a romantic relationship). Through companionship, students have the opportunity to develop trust
and confidence without the exclusivity of a romantic relationship.

Intimate Phase - During the intimate phase of adolescent romantic relationships, the large group of
peers regroups into opposite-sex pairs. The focus of the paired relationship is intimacy and often
sexual activity. The intimacy which is the deep feelings of emotional attachment often leads to sexual
activity for sex some, which can be very dangerous.

Committed Phase - In this phase, the adolescent romantic relationships are established and
exclusive. This is more typical in late adolescents since teens have fewer but more intense
relationships. Late adolescents maintain a committed relationship because of their capacity to the
more caring towards their romantic partner. They are also better at resolving conflict within the
relationship.

In an article published by Teenealth.Com in May 2013, love which is considered a powerful human
emotion has three main qualities:

Attraction is the "chemistry" part of love. It's all about the physical - even sexual - interest two people
have for each other.

Closeness is the bond that develops when two people share thoughts and feelings they don't share
with anyone else. When you have this feeling of closeness with your boyfriend or girlfriend you feel
supported, cared for, understood, and accepted for who you are. Trust is a big part of this.

Commitment is the promise or decision to stand by the other person through the ups and downs of
the relationship.

What Makes a Good Relationship?

1. Learning to give and receive. A healthy relationship is about two people, it doesn't flourish based on
how much one person can get from (or give to) the other,

2. Revealing feelings. A supportive relationship allows people to reveal details about themselves -
their likes and dislikes dreams and worries, proud moments, disappointments, fears, and
weaknesses.

3. Listening and supporting. When two people care, they support each other, they don't malign or
insult their partner, even when they disagree.

Romance provides a chance to discover our own selves as we share with someone new. We learn
the things we love about ourselves, the things we'd like to change, and the qualities and values we
look for in a partner.

Committed relationships start in getting to know the person you are attracted to in situations such
as "dates" an article published by Newport Academy shared tips on how to get started in dating:
1. Focus on the other person. One of the best ways to get over being self-conscious and nervous is to
focus on someone else. Ask your date questions about her, find out about her likes and dislikes

2. Find non-romantic things to do. Dating doesn't necessarily have to be about hearts, flowers, and
candy. Invite the person to go on a hike with a few other friends or attend a basketball game at your
school

3. Seek out people who share your interests. Sign up in clubs or take part in sports activities where
you can meet people who share your hobbies and interests It is much more interesting and satisfying
to date someone whom you can relate to on a personal level.

4. Don't let rejection get you down. Learning how to accept rejection without taking it personally isn't
easy, when you ask someone out on a date, you're taking a risk that he or she will say "no" If your
offer is refused, give yourself a few minutes to feel bad about it, and then move on Sooner, or later,
you'll find the right person meant for you. Good Luck!

SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS

Transactional Analysis

The Four Basic Life Positions is found in the self-help book “I'm OK, You're OK” (1969) by Thomas
Anthony Harris which is a practical guide to Transactional Analysis developed by Dr. Eric Berne as a
method for solving problems in life which provides an insightful way of perceiving relationships and
decisions that reflects one's personality.

I'm not OK – You're OK This happens when one does not feel good and the other is good. Hence
the first feels inferior with respect to the other. Inferiority and insecurity lead to inefficiency. Hence,
lack of productivity due to differences in perception and emotions.

I'm OK - You're not OK In this position, one feels good and the other one does not feel the same.
Differences in sentiment and state of mind ensure failure in any situation. Inefficiency caused by low
self-esteem and inferiority while the other party feels superior to the other leads to failure in the
relationship. An example of this is the superior parents and managers bullying or taunting their
helpless and hopeless children or subordinates.

I'm OK - You're OK This is the ideal situation where both parties feel good about each other. A
productive relationship which may lead to greater output. No party feels inferior or superior over each
other Both are perceived to be on the same footing. Hence, no amount of anger, resentment and
other negative emotion would hamper the motivation towards working for the goal. As both parties
work comfortably with each other they are contented and invigorated.

I'm not OK - You're not OK This occurs when both are not OK which may lead to unsuccessful
activities since both parties are 'not good'. Both parties may feel dominant over each other; hence, no
possible productivity from the relationship can be expected.
Social graces. A code of behavior that delineates expectations for social behavior according to
contemporary conventional norms within a society, social class, or group. It is what determines what
is cultured, acceptable, and normal hence, deviation from the same rules of etiquette will label a
person as 'barbaric' and uncultured. It is what determines what is cultured, acceptable, and normal
hence, deviation from the same rules of etiquette will label a person as 'barbaric' and uncultured.

Social Relationships in Middle and Late Adolescents

Social roles are the part people play as members of a social group. With each social role, the
behavior changes to fit the expectations both the person and others have of that role. In this case, an
individual plays a different role in a day, for example, a daughter at home, a student in school, a friend
to a neighbor, a guitarist to a band all at the same time.

How people's roles shape adolescent’s development? Research shows different types of relationships
can influence adolescents: parents, peers, community, and society.

Parental Relationships - when teens go through the puberty stage, incidents of parent-child conflict
m increase. Arguments may be in the issues of control, such as curfew, ways of dressing, and the
right to privacy. Adolescents who have a good relationship with their parents are perceived to have
fewer tendencies to engage in various risky behaviors, such as substance abuse juvenile
delinquency, and teenage pregnancy.

Peer Relationships - as adolescents work to form their identities, they pull away from their parents,
and the peer group becomes very important (Shanahan, McHale Osgood, & Crouter, 2007). High-
quality friendships may enhance a child's development regardless of the particular characteristics of
those friends Teens tend to identify with larger groups based on shared characteristics. Being in the
group, members can be assured to develop social skills such as empathy, disclosure, and leadership.

Community, Society, and Culture - there are certain characteristics of adolescent development that
are more rooted in culture than in human biology or cognitive structures. Culture is learned and
socially shared, and it affects all aspects of an individual's life. Many factors that shape adolescent
development vary by culture. In this case, the degree to which adolescents are perceived as
independent beings varies widely in different cultures.

FAMILY STRUCTURES AND LEGACIES

Families can be seen as social systems which have established a set of rules, have ascribed and
assigned roles, power structure, and strategies for solving disputes. There are different types of
family’s examples are nuclear, extended, step, and single parents. The traditional family structure
involves two married individuals providing care and stability for their biological offspring. The family is
created at birth and establishes ties across generations. The extended family of aunts, uncles,
grandparents, and cousins, can all hold significant emotional and economic roles for the nuclear
family.

Types of Family Structure:

1. Nuclear Family - the nuclear family is considered. the "traditional" family and consists of a mother,
father, and the children. The two-parent nuclear family has become less prevalent, and alternative
family forms such as homosexual relationships, single-parent households, and adopting individuals
are more common.

2. Single Parent - a single parent is a parent who cares for one or more children without the
assistance of the other biological parent. Historically, single-parent families often resulted from the
death of a spouse, for instance during childbirth. Single-parent homes are increasing as married
couples separate, or as unmarried couples have children.

3. Step Families - stepfamily is formed by the marriage or long-term cohabitation of two individuals,
when one or both ha at least one child from a previous relationship living part-time or full-time in the
household. The individual who is not the biological parent of the child or children is referred to as the
stepparent Stepfamilies are also called blended families

4. Extended Family - the extended family consists of grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. In
some circumstances, the extended family comes to live either with or in place of a member of the
nuclear family. For example, when elderly parents move in with their children due to old age, this
places large demands on the caregivers, particularly the female relatives who choose to perform
these duties for their extended family.

In a published book by D. Nicholson and H. Ayers, titled Adolescent Problems in 2004, patterns of
parenting styles are the following:

1. Authoritarian - parents who are depending on force alone to control their children rather than
reasoning with them or praising them.

2. Permissive - parents who do not consistently enforce rules and do not have high expectations of
their children.

3. Authoritative - parents who maintain firm control over their children through reasoning with their
children rather than depending on the force.

4. Rejecting/neglecting—parents who do not provide supervision, and do not have any expectations,
and who are not supportive of their children.

A family member with an emotional or behavioral difficulty disturbs harmonious family relationships
and may in turn result in the creation of factional conflicts.

A genogram is a graphical representation of a person's family relationship and/or medical history. It is

a unique type of family research diagram. It not only records family members and their relationships to
each other but also many of their physical and physiological attributes by utilizing an elaborate system
of symbols.

Example of Genogram bellow:

What Makes a Family Strong and Successful? there are at least five "L's" which contribute to strong
family relationships.

1. Learning - families are where values, skills, and behavior are learned. Strong families
manage and control their learning experiences. They establish a pattern of home life, guide
theft children into the world outside the home. They involve themselves in neighborhood,
school, government, church, and business in ways that support their family values. Strong
families teach by example and learn through experience as they explain and execute their
values.
2. Loyalty - strong families have a sense of loyalty and devotion toward family members. The
family sticks together. They stand by each other during times of trouble. They stand up for
each other when attacked by someone outside the family. A family is a place of shelter for
individual family members. In times of personal success or defeat, the family becomes a
cheering section or a mourning bench.
3. Love - is at the heart of the family. All humans have the need to love and to be loved; the
family is normally the place where love is expressed. Love is the close personal blending of
physical and mental togetherness. It includes privacy, intimacy, sharing, belonging, and
caring. The atmosphere of real love is one of honesty, understanding, patience, and
forgiveness. Such love does not happen automatically; it requires constant daily effort by
each family member.
4. Laughter - is a good family medicine. Humor is a regulator: of family tensions. Through
laughter, the family learns to see each other honestly and objectively. Laughter can help
release tensions and balances each other's efforts in order to view things accurately.
5. Leadership - family members, usually the adults, must assume responsibility for leading the
family. If no one, accepts this vital role, the family will dwindle. Each family needs its own
special set of rules and guidelines. These rules are based on the family members' greatest
understanding of one another, not forces.