Emotions

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EMOTIONS AND COMMUNICATION

1.0 EMOTIONS

1.1 Definitions and Meaning

Experiences and interpretation of internal sensations as they are shaped by physiology, perceptions,
language and social experiences.

Emotions – anger, fear, sadness, happiness, surprise and disgust.

Emotional competence involves being aware of our own emotions.

(The gift of fear by Gavin de Becker, 1997 – a former security
consultants advices people not to dismiss fears as being stupid or
silly but rather act e.g. in an elevator)
(Anger kills by Redford & Virginia Williams, 1998 – anger harms
our physical and mental health)

Daniel Goleman (1995) came up with the concept of Emotional

intelligence (EQs)– the ability to recognize feelings, to judge
which feelings are appropriate in which situations, and to
communicate those feelings effectively. (The research was carried
out in 150 firms and they found out that conventional IQ accounts
for 25% success on the job, while the other percentage is the EQ –
advancement on the job)

Qualities of Emotional intelligence:-

- Emotional self-awareness: Being aware of your feelings and
their effects on our performance.
- Emotional self-control: - Ability to keep disruptive emotions
and impulses in check. Dealing with emotions without being
overcome by them
- Positive outlook: The ability to see the positive in people,
situations and events. Not letting setbacks and
disappointments derail you
- Achievement orientation: - Striving to meet or exceed a
standard of excellence; looking for ways to do things better,
set challenging goals and take calculated risks.

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- Empathy:- The ability to sense others’ feelings and

perspectives, taking an active interest in their concerns and
picking up cues to what is being felt and thought.
- Listening to your feelings and those of others so you can
learn from them.
- Have a strong yet realistic sense of optimism.

1.2 Ways of expressing emotions

Different ways of expressing emotions:
- using nonverbal behavior
- describing what you would like to do

1.3 Emotions Arousal (How emotions are aroused)

There are many models used to explain arousal of emotions. The
following diagram represents one of the theories for explaining
arousal of emotions. In this model:
- When an event occurs, thoughts about the event are
triggered, and a chemical reaction (caused by the thoughts) is
produced in the brain.
The chemical production produces emotions and the emotions
create physiological (body) reaction to the event. When you
experience strong emotions, many changes are likely to occur:
- heart rate increases

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- blood pressure may increase

- digestive process may slow down
- you pupils may dilate
- (Anger can lead to health complications e.g. high blood
pressure, stroke)
-
- Emotions and thoughts can create further chemical reactions,
and the circular processes can continue building upon itself

It is important to understand the process of emotional arousal

because of the role that thoughts play. If you can control your
thoughts or change them, you can control your emotions or change
them.

An
event occurs

Emotions produce Thought about the

physiological reaction event are triggered

The chemical reaction Thoughts produce a

produces emotions chemical reaction

Although is not easy to change your thoughts, there are methods

one can employ
1. get new information
2. reframe the information you have
3. agree to disagree
4. convince yourself that the event is unworthy of your concern-
irrelevant or unimportant

Social influences on emotions

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Perceptions are influenced by the culture and social groups to

which we belong.
Interactive view of emotions – proposes that social rules and
understandings shape what people feel and how they do or don’t
express their feelings.

1. Framing rules – define the emotional meaning of

situations.

- You are required to be sad during funerals

- Happy during weddings

- 2. Feeling rules – tell us what we have a right to feel or what

we are expected to feel in particular situations. (This is
sometimes guided by our religions).
- How do you express anger (is it healthy or unhealthy)
- Pride (personal achievements)
- Fear (should we express fear when we feel something is
wrong)
-
- 3. Emotion work
- - The effort to generate what we think are appropriate
feelings in particular situations.
- E.g. suppress feelings (e.g. feeling happy over the misfortune
of someone we dislike) (intrapersonal communication)

1.4 Importance of understanding emotions

Emotions are important because they affect us both positively and
negatively. Your ability to communicate with others on all levels
depends on your understanding and management of your
emotions. Understanding emotions and emotional responses adds
to your competence – how suitable or fit you feel. When you
control your emotions, you are in psychological control; when you
control your emotional behavior and response, you are in physical
control.

1. emotion is part of human condition- because emotions and

expressions of emotions underlie every communication

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exchange, emotions need to be understood as an ingredient in

understanding others and their messages
2. emotion is an element in empathy – empathy enables us to
interact with the other feeling and understand their feeling
3. emotion is an aspect of individual uniqueness – one aspect of
the individual uniqueness in the way an individual experiences
and expresses emotions
4. Emotion offers balance to reason – to understand the other
person in depth, you cannot rely on reason alone; a combination
of the rational and emotional is needed to gain balance and
better understanding of human behavior and motivation
5. Emotion is a means to self-understanding, self-control and
security
 understanding your emotions offers you an opportunity to
appreciate, explain and analyze yourself and your own
inner experiences
 With greater self-understanding comes the greater
likelihood for control-the control of your emotional
responses
 With self-understanding and control comes security
 Once you are more proficient in your use of emotions, you
know you have a reliable communication channel at your
command – you can now direct your emotion better, and
you are likely to become more spontaneous as well.
 When you are more secure in your responses, you are then
able to trust your own feelings and instincts. Thus
anything you can learn about the emotions and emotional
expression, will contribute to self-worth.

1.5 Recognizing Emotions

How to recognize your emotions
Three phases:
1. awareness
2. responsibility
3. investigation

1. AWARENESS – be aware of your emotions

- before sharing your emotions with others you need to be
aware of yourself

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- ways of getting touch with your emotions:

o notice the changes in your body – emotional changes
cause physiological changes, psychological changes
can signal the presence of emotions
o monitor your nonverbal cues
 examine your facial expressions
 keep track of your vocal tone
 be responsive to your paralanguage
 notice your posture and gesture
Are the clues you notice fluid and natural or rigid
and tense?
o Recognize emotional expressions in your self-talk –
how are communicating with your self? what messages
are your receiving
o Look at verbal messages your send to others – what do
they communicate e.g. “I feel so bad”.

2. RESPONSIBILITY – take responsibility for your emotions

- being aware of emotions enables you to increase
understanding of yourself i.e. moving closer to maturity –
maturity assumes responsibility
- it means recognizing that others don’t make you say “you
really make me mad,” it means saying, “I feel angry when
you say you will call and fail to do so.”

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3. INVESTIGATIONS
- When your trace emotions to their roots, you may get
surprising results –
o that the emotions we express or reveal have their roots
in personal problems and situations
o that the emotion being experienced is just one of a
o couple or several

Controlling emotions
1. Learn to relax
- stress is the body’s response to environmental demands,
positive or negative; it is an inevitable part of life and you
must learn to cope with rather than try to avoid
- once you have learned how to relax, you can control
emotional buildups in all areas of your life
- many situations escalate to an emotional outburst because if
the build up of tension; relaxation along the way can defuse
the situations
- the earlier the building of emotional situations can be
detected, the sooner the relations skills can be instituted
2. Learning self-control (1 Corinthians 9:24-26;)
- In some cases, loss of control becomes an excuse for actions
that occur. Once out of control people claim they are no
longer responsible for what they do – loss of control for
some, makes their behavior acceptable
- It is not true/find it difficult to accept the fact that people
can’t control their behavior
- Self-control takes practice, but it can be learned if you accept
responsibility for your own behavior
- Self-control means revealing appropriate behavior – you
need to be spontaneous, expressive, and honest.
- Some people are so-controlled they don’t experience their
feelings – you need to free your feelings, experience them,
and expresses when appropriate

Reading other’s emotions

- because of transactional nature of communication, the
relationship that occurs between interacting partners, dyadic

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partners, have an important and ongoing influence on each

other – they do not operate independently
- when reading others’ emotions(self-controlled), research has
found that you follow this order:
o you use your own feelings as a source of information
about the partner’s
o partners non-verbal expression
o verbal explanations

Sharing Emotions

o Deciding whether to share your emotions: (To

whom, when, where?)

o Sharing is risky – in fact it is scary

o In an interpersonal communication, sharing emotions
with others can help solve problems, resolve conflict,
benefit your physical health and increase intimacy with
others
o If one partner in a relationship has problems and does
not talk about them, their relationship is not very full –
when problems are solved together there is a mutual
investment in the relationship and the relationship with
grow stronger
o Problems such disagreements over money, politics,
religions etc and raising of children are easier to deal
with when feelings are shared
o Expressing how you feel appropriately and on an
ongoing basis with a relationship partner can bring you
closer (use of specific language I feel…)

o When is sharing of emotions appropriate?

- What do you want to achieve in this situation
- Is this the appropriate person to share your
emotions with
- Can you express your emotion honestly,
describing exactly what the emotion is and what
you really want

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- Can you make certain that you express your

feelings clearly, can provide brief reason for
feeling that way

Obstacles to the Effective communication of emotions

1. Social expectations – influences of culture e.g. gender

socialization
2. Vulnerability – We do not want to give others
information that could affect how they perceive or act
towards us.
- Chilling effect – when the expression of emotions would
have negative consequences when we disclose them to
someone more powerful than us.

3. Protecting others – when the feelings could hurt or upset

others.
4. Social and professional roles – We may not express some
feelings because our roles make it inappropriate.

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