The Power of

Always give yourself four ways to win.

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Options
AU T H O RS

David Noble
Founder, View Advisors

Carol Kauffman L E A D E RS H I P
Founder, Institute ST Y L ES
P H OTO G R A P H E R   MAT THIAS HEIDERICH
of Coaching

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I D E A IN BRIEF

THE PROBLEM
Facing a crisis or an
opportunity, leaders often

Ask
fall back on the leader-
ship style that has worked
for them in the past. But
to be effective, they need
to rise above their default

leaders
reactions and generate
more options for how to
respond in real time.

how
A NEW MODEL
In this article two
leadership coaches
offer an approach, called they will respond to a crisis or a massive new opportunity,
the “four stances,” to and they often will tell you they already know what to do.
help leaders generate
This is surprising because most crises and opportunities
options for interpersonal
have unexpected elements. A high-powered executive whom we coach once told us, “In any
communication.
crisis, I come out of the gate fast and take action. I go over, under, or through any wall in my
way. With my people, I lead from the front.” To be sure, that approach has the benefit of deci-
THE PROCESS siveness, but it offers a narrow path, especially in high-stakes situations. What happens when
Leaders should identify
such leaders run into obstacles they can’t muscle their way through?
which stance is their
Another leader we coached had a different approach. He was an incredible delegator
default, make a plan for
using alternative ones in with legendary calm. This worked well until a crisis surfaced and his team started feeling
various situations, and lost and overwhelmed. He stayed steady, confident in his default style, telling people,
be ready to pivot if an “Don’t worry, I have confidence that you’ll figure it out.” They didn’t figure it out, team
approach is not working. members began fighting with one another, and within months the company lost its market-
leading position.

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 determining who you want to be as a leader in terms of your
character strengths and values (internal priorities) and how
ABOUT THE ART you can best relate to others (interpersonal priorities).
Berlin-based photographer Matthias Heiderich is interested in
Building on this work, we have developed an approach,
architectural patterns and colors he finds in the city, especially
in overlooked functional spaces and in the multitude of ways called the “four stances,” to help leaders generate options
that inhabitants design and shape their surroundings. for interpersonal communication. Think how tennis players
nearly instantly shift their stance to make an optimal response
to a ball hurtling over the net. The core concept for our
In our work coaching and advising senior leaders, we approach is rooted in evolutionary psychology and how our
have found that when faced with unfamiliar or risky situ- basic reflexes (fight, flight, and so on) automatically deploy
ations, leaders often rely on their familiar playbook. They under dangerous or novel circumstances. In the more evolved
act instinctively, falling back on behavior and postures that world of leadership, the four stances help leaders identify
worked for them before. But should their operating environ- and access more interpersonal options. The stances are:
ment experience a discontinuity, reflexes—which may still → Lean In. Take an active stance on resolving an issue.
be right at times—can no longer be counted on. To be effec- Actions in this stance include deciding, directing, guiding,
tive, leaders need to rise above their default reactions and challenging, and confronting.
generate more options for how to act in the very moments → Lean Back. Take an analytical stance to observe, col-
when they are needed most. lect, and understand data. Actions include analyzing, asking
Few leadership roles come with a treasure map showing a questions, and possibly delaying decisions.
direct line to where X marks the spot. That’s why the ability to → Lean With. Take a collaborative stance, focusing
generate multiple pathways to a desired destination is crucial on caring and connecting. Actions include empathizing,
to success. Whether it’s chasing a strategy that could drive 10x encouraging, and coaching.
growth in a business, facing a potentially catastrophic threat, → Don’t Lean. Whereas a Lean Back posture involves
or guiding a team through uncharted territory, great leaders observing and analyzing, Don’t Lean is about being still and
generate options so that when an opportunity arises or a crisis disciplining yourself to create space for a new solution to
hits, they can pivot in real time and make the optimal move. bubble up from your subconscious. This stance also serves
Our experience shows that leaders’ success depends to calm you if your emotions have been triggered. Actions
on their ability to MOVE—that is, to be mindfully alert include contemplating, visualizing, and settling through
to priorities, to generate options so that they always have diaphragmatic breathing.
several ways to win, to validate their own vantage point, and To win in any leadership moment, great leaders need to
to engage with stakeholders to ensure that they are along develop and be able to access all four stances. To illustrate,
for the ride. (We lay out this framework in our book, Real- let’s consider one of our clients, Isobel, a newly appointed
Time Leadership. To gauge your ability to MOVE, take our president of a major business line at a tech company.
self-assessment at RealTimeLeadershipInstitute.com.) In Isobel was in trouble and called us in. She was at logger-
this article, we examine the crucial second step of our model. heads with the firm’s mercurial CEO, who had a tendency to be
Specifically, we look at four common leadership approaches unreliable—contradicting himself, changing positions, and
and the scenarios in which each can be most helpful, and we often making promises the company couldn’t deliver on.
introduce a process for navigating the options in real time. “I’m getting a bad reputation for being aggressive at
board meetings,” she told us at our first two-on-one coach-
ing session. “I just tell the truth—someone needs to—but
THE FOUR STANCES I’m the one getting dinged.”
Dozens of research studies spearheaded by American psych- As we talked, we identified a clear gap between her own
ologists Charles “Rick” Snyder and Shane J. Lopez demon- and others’ perceptions. Leaning In—way in—was her default
strate how people’s capacity to reach their desired goals can stance. As a former lawyer, she was a world-class debater, and
be increased by conceiving multiple possible pathways. Most her impact was far more powerful than she realized. It was
people assume that success at a task is a question of persever- clear she needed to overcome her reflexive behavior and find
ance or willpower. But Snyder and Lopez show that willpower other viable ways to win. We described the four stances and
must be coupled with “way power” to drive successful asked her to consider alternatives to her default approach.
outcomes. Their research suggests that ideally you will have “But I need to be authentic,” she countered.
four or more options or pathways for achieving your goals “Of course,” we responded, “but you can use other stances
(external priorities). It also demonstrates the importance of while still being true to yourself.”

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 Even if you aren’t in a situation where you must think on your feet, you can use
the four stances to unlock options and create a plan in advance.

We went through the stances one by one. In situations in power as a leader, people rarely tell you the truth about how
which Lean In was the best choice, she saw that she could you come across. Be honest with yourself.
be more skillful by better calibrating the intensity of her Reflect on high-stakes situations. Is the stance you take
remarks. If she could learn to Lean Back and not rush into under stress different from your default stance? Think back
conflict, she could slow down her reactions and be more to instances when you were able to pivot in the moment if
strategic about when she would engage. If she applied Don’t your default stance wasn’t leading to the desired result and
Lean, she could take a moment to breathe, which could help compare those moments with times when you stubbornly
her neutralize her activation by the CEO and keep a clear stuck with a failing approach. What held you back from mov-
head. We were all surprised that asking about Lean With was ing to a different option? Habit? Panic? How can you build on
what pivoted Isobel into a new way of operating. Drawing experiences when you’ve done well while avoiding mistakes?
on Harvard Business School professor Amy Edmondson’s Determine the optimal stance on the basis of whom
groundbreaking work on psychological safety, we asked, you are interacting with. Most leaders we work with are
“What if your job at the board meeting was to make the CEO familiar with the Golden Rule of treating others as you
and directors feel safe?” would like to be treated. But the best leaders we have worked
Isobel immediately embraced that approach, which with employ the Platinum Rule—treating others as they
appealed to her protective side. She spontaneously started would like to be treated, which may be different from what
thinking through the implications. Supporting the CEO the leader would want in their shoes. Imagine an introvert
would probably help him calm down and make the meetings suddenly interrupted by an extrovert who means to be
less painful for everyone. In the Lean With stance, she could helpful by offering a pep talk. Or, conversely, an extrovert
also tolerate his contradictions by understanding that his in need of encouragement who ends up feeling ignored by
first reaction wasn’t always his final word. She decided that an introvert whose intention is to offer the gift of space and
she would enthusiastically support his comments when they time to think. To live by the Platinum Rule, become a keen
were in alignment with the executive committee’s assess- observer of other people and yourself. Notice body language,
ment and refrain from reflexively challenging him when he tone of voice, eye contact, and reactions to what you do and
veered off course, unless the board was close to a vote on how you move.
that recommendation. After adopting this approach, her Make a plan. When an interpersonal issue arises, make
reputation with the board skyrocketed. She became known space in real time to figure out how to handle it. This beat
as a leader who made peace rather than war. in time may last only a matter of seconds, but the point is to
pause and get clarity on your intention so that you can be
deliberate in your reaction. How do you want to relate, right
PUTTING THE PROCESS TO WORK now? Recognize that your default stance will be pulling at
How can you adapt the four stances without an executive you—but remember that you have the option to choose a
coach? We recommend a five-step process for addressing different one. We all need to dial back on some stances and
major opportunities and crises, whether they play out in the develop others.
moment or over the long term. It will enable you to choose Even if you aren’t in a situation where you must think on
your way forward rather than being propelled by reflex. your feet, you can use the four stances to unlock options and
Identify your default stance. Rank how comfortable create a plan in advance. Suppose you need to communicate
you are working with others in each stance. This simple a change in strategic direction to your team, such as a shift
exercise is often all our clients need to identify their default from a major cost-transformation effort toward a growth
stance, but if there’s any doubt, reflect on feedback you’ve strategy. First, Lean In and come up with a list of options for
been given, such as a 360-degree review. You may think of how you might best get people on board. When you think
yourself as a Lean With leader because you favor decisions you are finished, Lean Back and be even more objective. Ask
based on consensus—but is that accurate? When you have yourself, “What else would align the team?” Then Lean With

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by consulting others about what they think the options are

for you to create a trusting and positive climate in which the
change will be best received. And then Don’t Lean and see if
anything else pops into your mind. Put the issue on the back
burner for a moment and let your subconscious go to work.
Look for signs that it’s time to pivot. To create the
impact you want, you need to be aware of any negative effects
that a given stance is having on the people around you. This
will be your signal that it’s time to adopt a new one. If Lean In
is your default (as it is for many leaders), recognize that doing
so too often—or too hard—can shut others down, especially
when you are in a position of authority. In meetings, pay
attention to how much you’re speaking compared with others.
Automated transcription software can provide data showing
whether your voice is (or is not) the dominant one in the
room. Most leaders are surprised by how much they need to
switch to Leaning Back or Leaning With. Focus on listening
with the goal of understanding. Consciously catch yourself
not only when you’re jumping into the conversation but also
when you stop listening carefully and start thinking about
your response. After someone has finished speaking, take
three breaths before you reply.
If Lean Back is your default, observe how your team is
reacting: Are your people engaged with bright and alert
eyes? Are they drowning in data? You may win minds with
analysis, but being overly objective may cause you to lose
hearts. People won’t be eager to work through the night to
hit a deadline, but they will for an inspiring, caring leader.
You must also observe yourself: Are you holding back when
you should be speaking up to help your team?
When your default instinct is to Lean With, be wary of
using the stance to avoid tough conversations or to accept
poor performance because you “care.” As a leader you may
find it difficult to watch someone struggle, but support is
different from protection. Look back over a week or a month
and ask yourself how many times you ignored a performance
issue fearing that speaking up would hurt the other person’s
feelings. Did you praise team members when you should
have been pushing for better results because you were wor-
ried about how they might react? Remember, when a baby
chick tries desperately to break open its shell, you shouldn’t
help it. If you do, it may die. The thrashing around is how it
strengthens its muscles so that it can survive in the world.

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 A Guide to the Four Stances
This list of cues can help you determine when to use—and when to avoid—each stance.

STANCES WHEN TO USE IT WHEN NOT TO USE IT

→ When people seem rudderless and passive

→ When people quiet down when
and need help organizing and focusing their efforts
you enter the room
LEAN IN
→ When you want to energize people
(deciding, directing, → When people don’t offer counteropinions
without triggering fear
guiding, challenging, → When people need more support
confronting) → When change is happening rapidly and chaotically
and time to think
→ When the world has turned upside down
→ When your emotions have been triggered
and you need to stabilize the situation

→ When people need more information → When team discussion has reached
LEAN BACK
(collecting data, → When emotions are running high and more the point of diminishing returns
analyzing, asking data will help ground the team → When people seem overwhelmed
questions, and more data is obfuscating rather
→ When you are working with introverts who respond
delaying decisions) than clarifying thinking
better to data than to inspirational rhetoric

→ When morale is low → When you notice a team member

LEAN WITH
(empathizing, → When your people are extroverts and
needs space to think
coaching, connection is the currency of choice → When a team is operating well on its own
collaborating, and doesn’t need support
→ When you notice how a smile or an affirming
encouraging)
remark energizes someone → When people want to feel independent

→ When team members need to work

DON’T LEAN → When the team needs to step
something out on their own and your presence
(contemplating, into planning or action mode
may be an intrusion or slow their progress
being still, visualizing, → When a crisis hits and people are
breathing) → When the team is frenetic and needs a break
looking to you for guidance
or a time-out to calm things down

It’s not common for Don’t Lean to be a default stance, ground you, your team, or stakeholders. Lean With when
but people often overrely on it in high-stakes situations, people need support, encouragement, or motivation.
sometimes shutting down under threat. That leads to errors Don’t Lean when the team needs to work something out on
of omission. Look back at your calendar and ask if there were their own and your presence would impede their progress.
times when you did not respond to others or rejected their At the same time, inject calm and confidence if they seem
concerns because it might have raised your stress level. Have frenetic. (For a summary, see the exhibit “A Guide to the
you actively avoided a situation, such as a difficult team Four Stances.”)
dynamic, hoping that the problem would somehow solve Whatever stance you adopt, be aware that you can use
itself or that others would solve it without your participa- it with varying levels of intensity. For instance, a Lean In
tion? If you are susceptible to this type of behavior, work comment can be a directive or a suggestion, and you can
hard to recognize when it’s happening, notice what it feels Lean Back with a deep dive on an issue or a more surgical set
like, and consider other stances you might take. of questions. Your choice of framing should be dependent on
As a general rule, it is best to Lean In when your team what will work best for the other person given the situation
seems directionless and needs help getting organized or at hand. As you work to improve your ability to use each
galvanized. Lean Back when more information will help stance, it’s best to calibrate your behavior according to your

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 The approach that most helped elevate you into a leadership
role won’t always be the right one to deploy as a leader.
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comfort level. If Leaning In is uncomfortable, for instance, “What else?” Nathan asked as the meeting came to its
push yourself to communicate one more thing than you seeming conclusion. His calm approach motivated Ted to
might otherwise. If you don’t Lean Back enough, try asking speak directly. “You and the CEO made a top-down decision
a question instead of making a statement. to increase our targets just as the macro outlook was getting
wobbly. We didn’t want to disappoint you, so we ended up
overreaching. If you’d consulted me at the time, I would have
THE FOUR STANCES IN REAL TIME told you that we had less than a 20% chance of getting there.”
Mastery of the four stances is about being able to read each Nathan found this painful to hear, but he also knew it
moment and shift your stance quickly, under stressful was the heart of the matter. Leaning In and Leaning With,
circumstances. For the highest-stakes interactions, you will he said, “Ted, you and I are still getting to know each other.
need to draw on all four. Consider a client of ours who, after I was aware that we were stretching, but I put the odds at
considerable work mastering the four stances, was able to put 60% in our favor. If I’d known what you just told me, I might
them all into action during a tense moment. have shaded back the earnings guidance.”
Nathan, the CFO of a public health-care company, “You didn’t seem very open to input,” Ted replied.
received news that its largest business unit had fallen Absorbing the comment, Nathan used Lean With again.
short on its latest revenue forecast, imperiling the firm’s “I don’t want you to feel that way. It’s OK to have strong
earnings for the quarter. Nathan called an urgent meeting points of view. Going forward, I want you to know that the
with Ted, the new president of the business line. In Nathan’s CEO and I both want real debate, so don’t hold back.”
office, Ted looked like he hadn’t slept in days and appeared Continuing to Lean In, Nathan added, “We may still make
tense as a coil. a call you don’t like, but we need to have a rigorous dialogue
Nathan wasn’t immediately clear on which stance was to come up with a better decision for the firm.” Ted appreci-
optimal to kick off the meeting, so he chose Don’t Lean to ated Nathan’s candor and was receptive to the new guide-
see what surfaced. He took a deep breath to calm himself. He lines. That wasn’t the last time Ted’s business unit presented
noted that his reflex was to Lean Back and grill Ted about the a challenge to Nathan, but thanks to Nathan’s agile response,
situation. He also realized that he was feeling blindsided by it was the last time the cause was lack of communication and
the revenue shortfall, but since Ted would be held account- honest feedback.
able by the CEO, Nathan didn’t need to rake Ted over the
coals too. And he was angry with himself for having signed CRE ATI NG O P TI O NS FO R managing interpersonal relation-
off on what had turned out to be an unreasonable forecast. ships requires keen observation skills in real time and the
Leaning With, Nathan said, “This is rough for all of us. ability to self-regulate in stressful situations. But most of all, it
How are you doing?” Ted, who was braced for condemna- requires humility to acknowledge that the approach that most
tion, was surprised. He unfolded his arms and talked about helped elevate you into a leadership role won’t always be the
the toll this was taking on his entire team. Nathan said, right one to deploy as a leader. No organization can survive
“What’s done is done. Let’s unpack it together.” Ted nodded. if led by people who cling to the same approach in every situ-
Leaning Back, Nathan adjusted his instinct to launch ation. Just as the most enduring organizations are agile and
a barrage of questions, and opted for a more open-ended adaptable, so too are the best leaders.   HBR Reprint R2301H
question to reduce Ted’s defensiveness: “How should we
approach this to get to the root causes?” Ted suggested they
DAVID NOBLE is the founder of View Advisors and a
could start by exploring how much of the shortfall was a
leadership and strategy coach and adviser. CAROL
result of the operating environment, how much was execu-
KAUFFMAN is on the faculty of Harvard Medical
tion challenges, and how much was a flaw in the forecasting School and is the founder of the Institute of Coaching.
model. Together, they identified the source of the problem They are the authors of Real-Time Leadership (Harvard
and developed a plan to recoup some of the revenue gap. Business Review Press, 2023), on which this article is based.

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