36 Questions That Lead to

36 Questions to Fall in Love Love

Studies show that vulnerability is the key to intimacy.

Revealing personal information can make you fall in love faster. At least that’s what Dr.
Arthur Aron discovered in his Interpersonal Closeness experiment. Over 20 years ago, he
paired several strangers together and had them ask each other the 36 questions below.
Within 6 months, one of the couples ended up getting married.

If it works for strangers, it may work to bring you closer to your husband or boyfriend.

The purpose of Dr. Aron’s experiment was to speed up the time it takes to make two people
to fall in love, by creating intimacy. Whenever you share thoughts, personal feelings, goals,
dreams, and desires with anyone, you create intimacy and vulnerability.

***Two rules to keep in mind: In order for the experiment to work, 1. both parties must be
willing to ask AND answer all questions. While sharing is important, 2.listening is equally
important. The listener must show support and affirmation, regardless of their partner’s
answer to the questions.

For example, if I reveal to my husband that I cry whenever I see a homeless person, and he
responds positively, I automatically feel closer to him. But, if he were to argue with me and
tell me “I shouldn’t be so emotional,” then I wouldn’t feel understood or validated. I might
interpret his response to mean it isn’t safe to be vulnerable with him. As a result, I might stop
sharing my true feelings with him and our intimacy would decrease over time.

The exact questions Dr. Aron used are listed on the following questions. Use them to foster
intimacy and vulnerability with your partner.

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36 Questions to Fall in Love

The 36 questions in the study are broken up into three sets, with each set intended to be
more probing than the previous one.

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner
guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to
say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a
30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it
be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as
possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what
would it be?

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36 Questions to Fall in Love

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or
anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why
haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change
anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier
than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

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36 Questions to Fall in Love

Set III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this
room feeling ... “

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share
what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying
things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with
anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you
told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your
loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one
item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing?
Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she
might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be
feeling about the problem you have chosen.

©PreparingToLove.com
36 Questions to Fall in Love

To finish the experiment, spend the next 4 minutes staring into each other’s eyes without saying
anything. Over the next few weeks, note how you feel about each other. Are you communicating
better? Are you spending more quality time together? Do you feel like he’s your best friend?

As you probably already know, falling in love is easy. Anybody can do that. Staying
in love, will require effort. Lots and lots of effort. For more information on making
love last, check out my blog post: 4 Reasons Relationships fail and what you can do
to fix them.

©PreparingToLove.com