Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

THE  
SHAPE OF  
THINGS  

Neil LaBute  

BROADWAY PLAY PUBLISHING INC  

 224 E 62nd St, NY, NY 10065  
www.broadwayplaypub.com  
[email protected]  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

© Copyright 2003 by Neil LaBute  

All rights reserved. This work is fully protected under 

the copyright laws of the United States of America. 
No part of this publication may be photocopied, 
reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or 
transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, 
mechanical, recording, or otherwise, without the prior 
permission of the publisher. Additional copies of this 
play are available from the publisher.  
Written permission is required for live performance 
of any sort. This includes readings, cuttings, scenes, 
and excerpts. For amateur and stock performances, 
please  
contact Broadway Play Publishing Inc. For all other 
rights contact The Gersh Agency, 41 Madison Ave, 
33rd fl, NY NY 10010.  

First printing: October 2003  

Second printing: September 2004  
This printing: September 2011  
I S B N: 978-0-88145-222-8  
 Book design: Marie Donovan  
Word processing: Microsoft Word for Windows 
Typographic controls: Xerox Ventura Publisher 2.0 P 
E Typeface: Palatino  
Printed on recycled acid-free paper and bound in 
the U S A  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

THE  SHAPE  OF  THINGS  premiered  in  London  at 

the  Almeida  Theatre  on  24  May  2001.  It  was 
subsequently  produced  in  New  York  at  the 
Promenade Theater.  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

CHARACTERS & SETTING  

A​DAM  
E​VELYN  
J​ENNY  
P​HILLIP  

a liberal arts college in a conservative midwestern town  

Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823
 AUTHOR’S NOTE  

the / in certain lines denotes an attempt at 

interruption or overlap by a given character  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

(The museum. Silence. Darkness)  

(Large white box of a room. Wooden floor polished to a 

high shine. Several hallways feed off in different 
directions.)  
(A young woman stands near a stretch of velvet rope. She 
has a can in one hand and stares up at an enormous human 
sculpture. After a moment, a young man [in uniform] steps 
across the barrier and approaches her.)  
A​DAM​: ...you stepped over the line. Miss./  
Umm, you stepped over...  
E​VELYN​: I know./It’s “Ms”.  
A​DAM​: Okay, sorry, Ms, but, ahh...  
E​VELYN​: I meant to./Step over...  
 A​DAM​: What?/Yeah, I figured you did. I mean, the 
way you did it and all, kinda deliberate like./You’re 
not supposed to do that.  
E​VELYN​: I know./That’s why I tried it....  
A​DAM​: Why?  
E​VELYN​: ...to see what would happen.  
A​DAM​: Oh. Well...me, I s’pose.  
E​VELYN​: “Me?”  
A​DAM​: No, I mean, I’m what happens, I guess. I 
have to walk over, like I’ve done, and ask you to 
take a step back. Could you, please?/Step back?  
E​VELYN​: And if someone doesn’t?/What then?  
A​DAM​: ...you’re not gonna step back?  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

2 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

E​VELYN​: No...I mean, yes, I probably will, but just 

for interest’s sake, what would you do if?  
A​DAM​: I’m...geez, I’m not sure. I’ve never had 
anyone not step back. I’ve only said it, like, four 
times. And every time they’ve done it. Stepped 
back.  
E​VELYN​: What if I’m your first? Non-stepper, I 
mean. Then what?  
A​DAM​:  Hell,  I  dunno...I’m  off  in,  like,  ten 
minutes,  I’d  probably  just  stand here, make sure 
you didn’t touch anything.  
E​VELYN​: Really?  
A​DAM​: Pretty much, yeah. I’d let next shift talk to 
you, kick you out or whatever.  
E​VELYN​: You wouldn’t grab me or anything?  
 A​DAM​: Nah. That’s too...you know. That’s a total 
hassle, you end up rolling around on the ground, 
you’d probably sue the place, or me, and then...I’d get 
fired for doing my job. Screw that... ​(Beat) ​Could you 
do that for me, though?  
E​VELYN​: Which, roll around on the ground or sue you?  
A​DAM​: No, step back behind the line there...  
I’d appreciate it.  
E​VELYN​: Not really.  
A​DAM​: No, seriously, I would. I’d definitely 
appreciate it....  
E​VELYN​: I mean, “not really” I’m not going to....  
A​DAM​: I thought you just said you probably 
will.... E​VELYN​: Yeah, “probably.” I decided not 
to.  
A​DAM​: Hey, you’re not gonna mess up my 
weekend with this, are you?  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

Neil LaBute 3  

E​VELYN​: I wasn’t planning on it, but...I’m not  

completely against it, either.  
A​DAM​: See, if you get all crazy, then I gotta write up 
a report and stuff, I’m here till six, six-thirty easy, 
and I have a second job to get to.  
​ ight?  
E​VELYN​: Tonight? ​Friday n
A​DAM​: Yep. Right after this, at the video store...  
E​VELYN​: Why would anyone work two jobs on 
Friday night?  
A​DAM​: ...for money.  
E​VELYN​: Of course...sorry. ​(Looks at him again) ​Oh...oh, 
 right! That’s where I...I’ve seen you in there. You 
helped me once, I think.  
A​DAM​: Yeah?/With what?  
E​VELYN​: Uh-huh./​The Picture of Dorian Gray.​ ..you 
found it in Drama, not Classics./Somebody’d 
misplaced it....  
A​DAM​: Right, I remember that./Yes...behind 
Cabaret.​ The “Joel Grey” fiasco...  
E​VELYN​: Yeah, you said you found it with ​Dirty 
Dancing ​once, too, or something....  
A​DAM​: I did, you’re right...that’s funny.  
E​VELYN​: Anyway, you helped me, that was nice....  
A​DAM​: Thanks. But, you’re not gonna return the 
favor, right?  
E​VELYN​: You mean the...? ​(She points back toward 
the velvet rope.)  
A​DAM​: Yeah.  
E​VELYN​: No, sorry, I can’t.  
A​DAM​: Why is that? ​(Pointing) ​It’s a pretty 
good-sized sculpture. You can see it just fine from 
there....  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

4 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

E​VELYN​:  Truthfully?  I’m  building  up  my  nerve,  and 

if  I  go  back  over,  I’ll  probably  be a big wuss about it 
and take off....  
A​DAM​: About what? The “wuss” part, I 
mean.... E​VELYN​: I was going to deface the 
statue.  
A​DAM​: Oh. Oh... ​(Pointing) I​ s that paint?  
E​VELYN​: Yes.  
 A​DAM​: Great...from across the room, I thought you 
were maybe one of the cleaning people, I was 
hoping that was Lemon Pledge or something....  
(They share a smile.)  
A​DAM​: Paint’s not really the best thing to have in a 
museum. People’ll definitely take that the wrong 
way....  
E​VELYN​: How do they know which way to take it?  
A​DAM​: I’m thinking outside would be the 
general direction they’d steer you with spray 
paint...  
why do you have that?  
E​VELYN​: I was going to do something to the 
nude. Mess it up or...  
A​DAM​: What, you mean, like, colour it or something?  
E​VELYN​: I was thinking more of painting a big dick 
on it, but whatever....  
A​DAM​: Well, you could still colour it in...the 
dick. ​(​E​VELYN ​smiles at this.)  
E​VELYN​: True. It might look kinda weird....  
A​DAM​: Oh, I think a graffiti penis is gonna be 
​ o, right over the 
plenty odd already.... ​(Beat) S
leaves there, or just a free-floating number?  
E​VELYN​: Probably anatomically correct. I mean,  
if you’re gonna do it, why not....  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

Neil LaBute 5  

A​DAM​: ...do it right? Absolutely. And, would 

“why” be completely out of the question here?  
E​VELYN​: Why the “dick”?  
A​DAM​: Uh-huh. I mean, since I basically have to 
 jump you now if you lift that can up, it’d help with 
my report....  
E​VELYN​: Because I don’t like art that isn’t true.  
A​DAM​: “True.” What do you mean?  
E​VELYN​: False art. I hate that....  
(Other patrons drift past. They watch them go.)  
A​DAM​: No, I understand the words you’ve used 
here, although they’re both pretty subjective: “art.” 
“Truth.”  
E​VELYN​: Exactly! That’s the beauty of art...it’s subjective.  
A​DAM​: Right, but see, I don’t know what 
you’re referring to then. I mean, specifically.... 
(Beat)  
Didn’t Oscar Wilde say something like, “In art 
there is no such thing as a universal truth...” Or 
whatever?  
E​VELYN​: Yes...very good. “A truth in art is that whose 
contradictory is also true.” Right, but that’s an 
aesthetic​. I’m talking about practicalities. Censorship. 
(She points.) T​ his sculpture. It’s fake, it’s not real. 
Therefore, false art...  
A​DAM​: No, it’s a Fornecelli, it definitely is. I read 
the little thingie there one time....  
E​VELYN​: Yes, but the leaf cluster isn’t.  
A​DAM​: It’s not?/What is it, a pastie or 
something, like strippers have?  
E​VELYN​: No./It’s plaster...it was added by a committee 
who had complaints from local 
townspeople./Uh-huh./ They made a petition and got 
that put on, thereby removing its subjectivity as art.  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

6 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

A​DAM​: Really?/I didn’t know that.../When did they 
do this?  
E​VELYN​: Seven or eight years ago now, I think. Before 
I got here, anyway./See, they objected to his “thing.” 
The shape of it. Said it was too ​life-like​. (​ Beat) ​It’s 
supposed to be “god,” you know...that’s what pisses 
‘em off.  
A​DAM​: Huh./Yeah...he’s not really supposed to 
have one of those, is he?  
E​VELYN​: No, and I don’t know why...we’re always 
​ ook at it, you can 
calling him “the creator.” ​(Beat) L
see the...see right behind the grapes there, you can 
just see his....  
A​DAM​: ...grapes. Yes. You’re absolutely, huh. 
Didn’t even cover him properly. Shoddy 
craftmanship!  
E​VELYN​: I mean, if you’re gonna do it, at least....  
A​DAM​: ...exactly. Do it right. ​(Beat) ​But why deface the 
thing? I mean, just out of curiosity. Why not, say, 
knock the plaster off and expose his...you 
know...cluster... if you’re trying to....  
E​VELYN​: Because. That’s so...expected.  
A​DAM​: Ahh...so, you’re a student, then, or is this 
just basic anarchy?  
E​VELYN​: Yep. Student.  
A​DAM​: Me too.  
E​VELYN​: Yeah? What’s your emphasis?  
A​DAM​: Ummm...taking out school loans, primarily, 
but I do sit in on a few English classes. You’re in 
art?  
E​VELYN​: Mmmm-hmmm. M F A./Applied theory 
and crit...  
 A​DAM​: Oh./So, is this, like, a project?  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

Neil LaBute 7  

E​VELYN​: No, I’m just getting started on my 

thesis project now. A big sorta 
installation...“thingie.”  
A​DAM​: That’s a good word, huh? “Thingie.”  
​ nyway, ​this ​is only a 
E​VELYN​: It is.... ​(Points) A
pet peeve....  
A​DAM​: Thesis? You’re graduating....  
E​VELYN​: In May.  
A​DAM​: ‘Kay. I’m only a Junior....  
E​VELYN​: Huh. You seem older.  
A​DAM​: Well, I am. I mean, older than twenty,  
anyhow...I worked for a couple years. Made 
money. E​VELYN​: Not enough, though. Still got two 
jobs... A​DAM​: Don’t forget the school loans...  
E​VELYN​: Right. So, basically, you’re...fucked.  
A​DAM​: Yep. But at least I’m educated, so I 
comprehend t​ hat I’m fucked....  
(They stand there for a moment. A​ ​DAM ​checks his 
​ ​VELYN ​shakes her spray can.)  
watch; E
E​VELYN​: You’re cute. I don’t like the way you 
wear your hair....  
A​DAM​: Thank you. I think....  
E​VELYN​: No, you’re definitely cute, but you 
shouldn’t style it so much. Your hair. Just let it go...  
A​DAM​: ‘kay. I’ll try that....  
E​VELYN​: Your relief’s late.  
 A​DAM​: Yeah. Typical...  
E​VELYN​: So, do you have to stay at your station 
until they spell you, or...?  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

8 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

A​DAM​: No, at punch-out time, I’m supposed to get 

down there and do it. They can really be pricks 
about that....  
E​VELYN​: You should go then....  
A​DAM​: Right. Yeah, I...can I call you?  
E​VELYN​: What do you wanna call me?  
A​DAM​: Up. Just up, right now. Talk, maybe get 
crazy, take you to dinner...  
​ o they allow you 
E​VELYN​: Okay. Ahh...sure. ​(Beat) D
to do that here?  
A​DAM​: What, eat dinner?  
E​VELYN​: I meant hit on the patrons....  
A​DAM​: ...ummm, no, they’ve got a pretty strict 
policy about that, too, actually. But...  
E​VELYN​: ...ahh, the great equalizer. “But.”  
A​DAM​: Exactly. I’ll take the risk....  
E​VELYN​: ...good answer, grasshopper.  
A​DAM​: Huh?  
E​VELYN​: “Kung Fu.” On TV. Remember when he 
was a kid? The old guy with the fakey contact 
lenses, and the....  
A​DAM​: Oh, right...sure. “Grasshopper.” I don’t 
really watch much television....  
E​VELYN​: My brothers loved that show. ​(Beat) ​So, do 
you want a number?  
 ​ amn, I don’t have a 
A​DAM​: Absolutely! ​(Checks) D
pen. E​VELYN​: Me either. ​(Thinks) ​Here...gimme the 
jacket. A​DAM​: What?  
E​VELYN​: Your jacket. Take it off for a second.  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

Neil LaBute 9  

A​DAM​: Oh, that’s, umm...it’s supposed to be a 

“blazer.” E​VELYN​: What?  
A​DAM​: It’s my own...’s not part of the uniform. It’s mine.  
E​VELYN​: Good. Then you’ll always have it on 
you... from the looks of it.  
​ ​DAM  ​follows  her  orders.  E
(A ​ ​VELYN  ​lays  the  coat  open  on 
the  floor,  looks  around,  then  uncaps  the  paint  and  sprays  a 
phone number inside.)  
E​VELYN​: ...don’t worry, it dries quick.  
A​DAM​: Thanks. Okay, so, I’ll...yeah. ​(He glances 
​ ood luck with the...nice to meet you. Again.  
back.) G
E​VELYN​: You too.  
​ ​DAM  ​smiles  at  her,  looks  back  again,  walks  off.  E
(A ​ ​VELYN 
is  left  alone.  She turns back to the statue and starts shaking 
her paint can. The little ball bearings inside rattle loudly.)  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154,

402-630-0823 ​10 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

(The auditorium patio)  

 (Faux-Greek building with a Spanish roof. Banners 
proclaim “Mercy College”. Theater posters behind glass.)  
​ D
(A ​ AM ​standing with ​E​VELYN​. He looks a bit different, 
not as bulky and he’s letting his hair go. Same jacket 
under his arm.)  
E​VELYN​: ...no, seriously. You have.  
A​DAM​: Yeah?  
E​VELYN​: No question.  
A​DAM​: I dunno. I think I still look....  
E​VELYN​: You can definitely tell. You can.  
A​DAM​: Really?  
E​VELYN​: Definitely. Plus, the hair.../I bet your 
friends say something. Twenty bucks...  
A​DAM​: Well, I’m glad..../I mean, I can’t tell and so 
I figured...twenty bucks?  
E​VELYN​: Yes. That’s because you see “you” every 
day. Shower, getting dressed, that kind of thing. 
But...  
A​DAM​: So do you.  
E​VELYN​: I don’t see you shower. Or getting dressed...  
A​DAM​: No, I meant every day. So far, anyway, since 
we first went to....  
E​VELYN​: I know, I’m kidding.  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

Neil LaBute 11  

A​DAM​: Oh. Okay... ​(Beat) ​I’d like that, though.  

If you would....  
E​VELYN​: Which?  
 A​DAM​: Both if you want. Either. Anything, any 
moment I can get with you...that’s what I’d like.  
E​VELYN​: Ask and you shall receive....  
A​DAM​: So, I’m asking, then.  
E​VELYN​: So you shall be receiving then....  
(They share a brief kiss; he looks around self-consciously.)  
A​DAM​: P D A. Public display of affection. I’m not 
used to that....  
E​VELYN​: No? I don’t mind....  
A​DAM​: Really?  
E​VELYN​: Nah, whose business is it? Ours, right? Kiss 
if we want to, make love in a bathroom stall...who 
cares?  
A​DAM​: I’d start with the administration....  
E​VELYN​: Yeah, but why should they? I mean...we’re 
two adults, we....  
A​DAM​: I think this is a bigger discussion than before 
Jenny and Phillip get here..../I mean, no, I’d love to 
have it with you, the discussion, and I agree, 
somewhat, but....  
E​VELYN​: Whatever./I understand....  
A​DAM​: Another time, we’ll definitely discuss it.  
E​VELYN​: Another time...I’d rather do it.  
A​DAM​: Lemme go check the men’s room... ​(He 
laughs.) .​ ..you amaze me.  
​ nd you amaze ​me,​ you 
E​VELYN​: I’m glad. ​(Beat) A
do. Look at you!  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

12 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

A​DAM​: ...it’s just a little jogging.  

 E​VELYN​: No, it’s not. It’s not just that...you’re 
running, you’re eating better, are you still lifting?  
A​DAM​: Yeah...I mean, I didn’t today, but....  
E​VELYN​: That’s okay.  
A​DAM​: No, I’m gonna...so, yeah, alright, it’s a 
whole routine thing. You’re right....  
E​VELYN​: Do you like doing it?  
A​DAM​: Honestly...no. I totally hate it!  
(They laugh.)  
E​VELYN​: So why would you...?  
A​DAM​: Because you suggested it. Which is 
kinda pathetic, but true....  
E​VELYN​: You shouldn’t do something you don’t 
wanna do.  
A​DAM​: Yeah, you should, why not? If it’s for  
someone...I mean, I’m doing it for you.  
E​VELYN​: It’s a life change. Really...  
A​DAM​: Right.  
E​VELYN​: I gave you a couple ideas and you’re 
changing your entire life. I’m very proud of you.  
A​DAM​: Thank you... ​(Cockney) .​ ..‘enry ‘iggins.  
E​VELYN​: What’s that?/Who’s....  
A​DAM​: Nothing./’S from a book. Play, actually. 
E​VELYN​: Oh. Not the one we’re seeing, though, is 
it? A​DAM​: No, no, a musical...this is, umm, Medea.  
E​VELYN​: Oh yeah, right. ​(Smiles) I​ read this as 
an undergrad, I ​like ​it....  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

Neil LaBute 13  

 A​DAM​: Ahh, you like Medea, huh? Should I be nervous?  
E​VELYN​: No, not too much...I mean, unless we 
have kids.  
A​DAM​: ​(Laughing) .​ ..alright...  
E​VELYN​: So...are you still keeping your journal?  
It really does help....  
A​DAM​: Yes.  
E​VELYN​: Will you let me read it?  
A​DAM​: ...some time.  
E​VELYN​: Good.  
(They stand for a moment. ​E​VELYN ​checks her 
watch.) ​A​DAM​: And what about you?  
E​VELYN​: What about me?  
A​DAM​: That’s what I mean...I don’t know.  
E​VELYN​: What?  
A​DAM​: Nothing. I don’t really know anything 
about you....  
E​VELYN​: Yes, you do!  
A​DAM​: I don’t. Not really...  
E​VELYN​: What’s my name?  
A​DAM​: Evelyn.  
E​VELYN​: Where am I from?  
A​DAM​: Illinois. Near Chicago?  
E​VELYN​: Yes. How old am I?  
A​DAM​: Ummm...twenty-five, maybe.  
E​VELYN​: That’s exactly right. Almost twenty-six. 
Sign? A​DAM​: Gemini, I think....  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823
 14 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

E​VELYN​: The twins, yes.  

A​DAM​: Does that mean you have a split 
personality? E​VELYN​: No, it means I was born in 
June.  
A​DAM​: Oh. ​(Beat) ​And you’re, what, a sculptress, 
right? An artist...  
E​VELYN​: Yep. Anything else you wanna know?  
A​DAM​: Yes...everything!  
E​VELYN​: So ask then...  
A​DAM​: Well...why are you always asking me 
questions if it’s no big deal.  
E​VELYN​: Because you make me curious...I’m a 
curious person.  
A​DAM​: I’m curious, too, though!  
E​VELYN​: Like I said...so ask then.  
A​DAM​: ...why do you like me?  
E​VELYN​: What?  
A​DAM​: Me...why would you like me? I’m not 
anything, I mean...and you’re so....  
E​VELYN​: Don’t do that, okay? That’s the only thing 
about you I don’t like...what you see in yourself. Or 
​ o you like me?  
don’t see. Your insecurities. ​(Beat) D
A​DAM​: Of course, you know I do....  
E​VELYN​: Do I appear to like you? Hmm?  
A​DAM​: Yes...it seems like it, yeah.  
E​VELYN​: I do like you. Do you think I’m smart?  
A​DAM​: I think you’re amazing...and you have a 
 great ​ass. Just thought you should know....  
E​VELYN​: Not part of my query, but thank you.  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

Neil LaBute 15  

A​DAM​: Welcome...  
E​VELYN​: And do I seem to know my own mind? I 
mean, generally....  
A​DAM​: No question.  
E​VELYN​: So, don’t you trust me, then, to know how 
I feel?  
A​DAM​: Yeah. No, you’re right....  
E​VELYN​: Don’t worry about ​why ​when ​what ​is right 
in front of you.  
A​DAM​: Those’re very wise words from someone 
with such a great ass....  
​ iss me, grasshopper...  
E​VELYN​: ​(Playfully) K
(They start to kiss again as A young couple 
approaches.) ​J​ENNY​: Ah, ah, ah...P D A.  
P​HILLIP​: I don’t think anybody wants to watch you 
kiss, Adam...we’ll be eating later.  
A​DAM​: Hey, Phillip, hello! Evelyn, this is 
Phillip, and his fiancée, Jenny....  
(“Hellos” all around.)  
P​HILLIP​: So, we should grab our tickets, and.... 
​ dam, what’s up with you? D’you 
(Stopping to look) A
lost weight?  
A​DAM​: ...a little, maybe.  
J​ENNY​: No, he cut his hair...or something. That’s 
it, right?  
A​DAM​: Umm, yeah. I mean, both, sort of.  
P​HILLIP​: Huh. Okay, so, let’s...come on.  
(J​ E
​ NNY ​and ​P​HILLIP ​lead the way. ​E​VELYN s​ tares at 
A​DAM ​as they follow; he pulls a twenty out of his pocket 
and places it in her hand.)  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154,

402-630-0823 ​16 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

(The living room)  

(Fairly nice digs for a student, with matching furniture 

and lamps. Forest mural covers one wall.)  
​ ​DAM ​and ​E​VELYN ​sitting on a couch. ​J​ENNY ​and 
(A
P​HILLIP ​in opposing chairs. Everyone holds a drink.)  
A​DAM​: ...so, tell me this again, you’re going to what?  
P​HILLIP​: Underwater. We’re going to get 
married underwater....  
A​DAM​: You’ve gotta be kidding me!  
​ agazine photos you see 
P​HILLIP​: ...like those ​Life m
or whatever./Seriously.  
E​VELYN​: Huh./Is that, like, a “California” 
thing? J​ENNY​: No. We wanted to try something 
bold.... E​VELYN​: That oughta do it.  
A​DAM​: This is crazy, really. And, so, if we want 
to attend we have to....  
P​HILLIP​: ...get in the tank with us. You bet.  
J​ENNY​: No, honey, I thought we said....  
P​HILLIP​: ...we haven’t, okay, no, we haven’t settled 
 that part completely, but....  
J​ENNY​: My dad could never do that. I mean, my 
mom would try, she would, but dad....  
P​HILLIP​: Maybe people can watch from the glass 
window things or whatever, but I’d prefer if they 
came in with us.... ​(He drains his glass, looking at 
A​DAM​)  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

Neil LaBute 17  

A​DAM​: That is nuts....  

E​VELYN​: Well, I applaud you. I think it’s very....  
​ ​VELYN​) ​Yeah, well, don’t expect my 
P​HILLIP​: ​(To E
buddy here to follow in our footsteps. He’s the 
least adventurous person I know....  
E​VELYN​: Really?  
P​HILLIP​: Absolutely! And the marriage thing? 
Uh-uh, not gonna happen, sorry. I don’t know how 
many nights I listened to this guy say, “not me, 
man,  
I’m never getting hooked, no way, man...”  
E​VELYN​: Is that right? Well, well...  
A​DAM​: Listen, don’t encourage him. My 
room-mate doesn’t need any....  
P​HILLIP​: ...former room-mate...  
A​DAM​: ...more encouragement. ​(Beat) ​I’m gonna 
look stupid in one of those wet suits.  
P​HILLIP​: Hey, let’s not be a party-pooper here, my 
friend... ​(Indicating ​J​ENNY​) ​...this could’ve been 
yours.  
(​A​DAM ​laughs thinly; E
​ ​VELYN ​doesn’t 
​ ​DAM​: I know, I know....  
understand.) A
 P​HILLIP​: Right?  
E​VELYN​: I’m lost. What’s...?  
P​HILLIP​: I stole Jenny away from Adam....  
A​DAM​: Come on...  
P​HILLIP​: I did! ​(To ​J​ENNY​) ​Didn’t I?  
​ ​VELYN​) 
J​ENNY​: No, you didn’t, stop being.... ​(To E
Adam and I had a class together, but he never 
got up the nerve to ask me out.  
E​VELYN​: Is that true?  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

18 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

A​DAM​: Something like that...  

J​ENNY​: Four months we sat next to each other— I’m 
borrowing his pen, like, all the time, hint-hint— and 
he’s this total monk the whole semester...anyway, 
Phil picks him up from class one day, sees me, and 
we went to mini-golf that same night.  
P​HILLIP​: I cannot tell a lie...I’ve got the moves, God 
help me.  
A​DAM​: God help all of us....  
(A collective laugh)  
E​VELYN​: Well, like I said, I think it’s great. It’s 
really amazing, it is, to find anybody willing to 
take a risk today. To look a little silly or different 
or anything. Bravo! ​(Toasts) T ​ o people with balls...  
​ ​HILLIP ​with his empty glass,  
(They all toast, even P
​ ​DAM​. A
but he looks over at A ​ ​DAM ​blushes.  
P​HILLIP​: “Balls,” huh? Yep, that’s my Jenny....  
(​J​ENNY ​slaps him on the shoulder and blushes again.)  
E​VELYN​: You know what I mean. Guts. That 
kinda thing...  
 J​ENNY​: Right. I got it.  
P​HILLIP​: ​(Toasting) “​ To balls, long may they 
wave...” ​(They all smile and “mock” drink again.)  
P​HILLIP​:  I’ll  tell  you  what  took  some  balls,  the 
museum  thing,  a few weeks back, with the...balls. You 
guys  read  about  that?!  I  mean,  Adam,  of  course  you 
did, you were  
supposed to be ​guarding i​ t, but—Evelyn, you hear 
about it?  
J​ENNY​: ​(Whispering) ​The penis...  
​ es, I did. Why are we  
E​VELYN​: ​(Whispering) Y
whispering?  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

Neil LaBute 19  

P​HILLIP​:  Because  you  don’t  say  “penis”  in 

Jenny’s  house.  But  we’re  at  my  place  now,  and 
so we sing it from the eaves! “Penis!! Pe-nis!!!”  
A​DAM​: Okay, bar’s closing, last call....  
P​HILLIP​: No, seriously, do you believe that 
shit? Somebody with the gall to do that kinda 
bullshit on our campus?! That fucking burns 
me up....  
E​VELYN​: I’m an artist, so I didn’t....  
A​DAM​: We should probably get, ummm....  
P​HILLIP​: I mean, this isn’t Berkeley! ​(Beat) ​What 
does that mean, anyway? “I’m an artist?”  
E​VELYN​: It means nothing, really, just that I 
understand the impulse....  
P​HILLIP​: You what?!  
A​DAM​: Evelyn, maybe we should....  
P​HILLIP​: No, wait Adam, I wanna hear...  
 what “impulse?” It’s called “vandalism.”  
J​ENNY​: Does anyone want dessert?  
(​P​HILLIP ​holds up a hand to hush the group. He turns back 
to E​ ​VELYN​.)  
P​HILLIP​: No, hold on, this is rich. Go ahead...  
E​VELYN​: Just that...I don’t think it was just kids 
playing. I think it was a sort of statement, a kind of....  
P​HILLIP​: ...a statement?  
E​VELYN​: Yeah, I do....  
J​ENNY​: What kind of statement would that be? It 
was pornography....  
E​VELYN​: No, it wasn’t.  
J​ENNY​: Yes, it was....  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

20 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

E​VELYN​: Pornography is meant to titillate, to excite 

you. Did you see a picture of what happened?  
P​HILLIP​: We did, yeah....  
E​VELYN​: Does a penis excite you? I mean, just any 
ol’ penis?  
P​HILLIP​: You’re funny. And that’s not the point.  
E​VELYN​: It’s totally the point...how about you, 
Jenny, did you like what you saw? Did it get you 
hot?  
P​HILLIP​: This is, like, uncalled for, okay? All she 
said was....  
E​VELYN​: I know what she said, why don’t you let 
her speak? ​(To ​J​ENNY​) ​Did you wanna see anything 
else? Huh? Okay, then...all I’m saying is that, in my 
opinion​, it wasn’t pornography, it was a statement. 
Of course, that’s the beauty of statements, like art, 
 they’re  
subjective. You and I can think completely different 
things and we can both be right...unless, and this 
seems quite probable, you just can’t stand to lose an 
argument.  
(Quiet for a moment from the group.)  
P​HILLIP​: Wow. The postgraduate mind at work... 
A​DAM​: I’ll help you get dessert, Jenny, if you want 
to....  
J​ENNY​: ...I still don’t think that makes it a 
statement. It’s graffiti....  
E​VELYN​: What do you mean, it would be a 
huge statement...especially for a town like 
this.  
P​HILLIP​: Hey, some of us are from “a town like 
this,” so maybe you should watch it.  
E​VELYN​: Well, we’ve all gotta be from 
somewhere.... P​HILLIP​: What do you mean by that?  
E​VELYN​: I mean, it’s a little college town in the 
middle of nowhere and....  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

Neil LaBute 21  

P​HILLIP​: One you chose, presumably....  

E​VELYN​: No, it chose me, actually. ​Full 
scholarship. So, as I was saying....  
P​HILLIP​: You’ve got a real winning way, you know 
that? A​DAM​: Look, Phil, it’s no big deal, let’s just....  
P​HILLIP​: Which “take back the night” rally did you 
find her at, Adam?  
E​VELYN​:  ...can  I  finish,  please?!  Jesus,  you’re  really 
the  obnoxious type, you know that? ​(To A ​ ​DAM​) ​How 
 long did you have to stomach this guy?  
​ ​VELYN ​sort of freezes on that 
(Everyone except E
​ ​DAM​: Evelyn.  
one.) A
E​VELYN​: Anyhow, who knows what the person 
was saying by it, we don’t, but I think it was a 
gesture. A kind of manifesto, if you will....  
P​HILLIP​: ​(Dryly) I​ don’t think a person’s dick can be a 
manifesto. Uh-uh. You can write a manifesto on 
your thing, but your thing can’t be one...I’m sure I 
read that somewhere.  
E​VELYN​: See? You’re just trying to be....  
P​HILLIP​: I’m not trying to be anything! Who the hell 
do you think you are, a few double dates and telling 
me anything about who I am? Un-fucking-believable!  
J​ENNY​: This is getting a little, ahh....  
P​HILLIP​: ...Adam, you can really pick ‘em. Wow, 
man! A​DAM​: Look, it’s not, let’s just forget the....  
E​VELYN​: You’re not gonna take his side in this, are you?  
A​DAM​: I’m not taking sides, I’m trying to get outta 
here with just a touch of dignity, okay? Jesus...  
J​ENNY​: I’ve got a test tomorrow, anyway....  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

22 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

P​HILLIP​: “Statement,” she says!  

E​VELYN​: Shut the fuck up, alright? Just fuck right 
off...how would you know? I think she was 
making one, so that’s my opinion....  
A​DAM​: Jenny, thanks for everything. Phillip, I’ll call 
ya, or whatever, but we’re gonna....  
P​HILLIP​: Yeah? How do you know it was a girl?  
 E​VELYN​: ...I don’t. I didn’t say it was a woman.  
P​HILLIP​: Girl, woman, whatever. You said 
“she,” how do you know that?  
E​VELYN​: I don’t, I just said. It’s a guess. What it 
was, where it was placed. An ​educated ​guess...  
P​HILLIP​:  You  are  not...she’s  not  trying  to  take  a 
poke  at  my  being  an  undergrad, is she? Adam, tell 
me she didn’t just....  
J​ENNY​: Can we stop, now, please?! You guys...  
A​DAM​: Evelyn, let’s go...  
P​HILLIP​: Hey, artiste...how’d you know it was a 
woman who painted the cock, huh? Very, very 
suspicious there...  
E​VELYN​: You are such a prick, man, how do you go 
on, day after day? ​(To ​A​DAM​) L
​ et’s go... ​(She rises, 
snatches up her things and moves towards the door) 
Adam? Are you coming?  
A​DAM​: I’m...yeah, but, just go. I’ll meet you 
downstairs, I just wanna...go ahead.  
E​VELYN​: ‘kay. ​(To ​J​ENNY​) Y
​ ou’re very sweet. 
Good luck... ​(She heads for the door and exits.)  
​ ​DAM​) 
P​HILLIP​: “Good luck.” Hey, fuck you! ​(To A
Where in hell did you meet that bitch?!/What’d she 
do, give  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

Neil LaBute 23  

you a haircut and a blow job and now you’re 

her puppy?!!/You don’t have to go....  
A​DAM​: ...at the museum./No, I’m not her.... ​(To 
​ he wedding sounds great. Really...it 
J​ENNY​) T
sounds...yeah.  
(He wanders off. ​P​HILLIP ​and J​ ​ENNY ​sit in silence.)  
P​HILLIP​: ...what?  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154,

402-630-0823 ​24 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

(The bedroom)  

(An explosion of color and patterns. An enormous bed in 

the middle of it all. Groovy lighting.)  
(​A​DAM ​and ​E​VELYN ​in bed. Holding each other, staring 
off. A video camera on a tripod nearby)  
E​VELYN​: ...umm, nice.  
A​DAM​: Very. Yes.  
E​VELYN​: Our bodies are beginning to understand 
one another....  
A​DAM​: You’re right, I mean....  
E​VELYN​: Getting a rhythm. And less inhibited.  
A​DAM​: Yep.  
(He  leans  over  and  whispers  something  in  her  ear.  A 
huge  smile  across  her  face.  She  turns  and  whispers  back 
to  him.  They  laugh  and  kiss for a moment. They hold one 
another.)  
E​VELYN​: ​(Quietly) ​Were you always like this 
before? So...you know....  
A​DAM​: ...shy? Just about the fact that no one 
would sleep with me. That’s all.  
E​VELYN​: Come on...  
 A​DAM​: Seriously. You’re only, like, I dunno, the 
third person I’ve ever....  
E​VELYN​: ...no...  
A​DAM​: Yes, I mean it. And they were both young. I 
mean, I was too, I wasn’t, like, hanging out at a ​day 
care  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

Neil LaBute 25  

or anything, but...it was during high school 

mostly. So...you’re sort of in uncharted waters 
here.  
E​VELYN​: I don’t wanna blow your cover but...  
I could kinda tell.  
​ eah? Well, that’s okay....  
A​DAM​: ​(Smiling) Y
E​VELYN​: And nobody here at school?  
A​DAM​: Nothing serious. Dates. Some close 
calls. But not anyone...you know.  
E​VELYN​: ...like Jenny.  
A​DAM​: No.  
E​VELYN​: You sorry you didn’t ask her out? I 
mean, if I wasn’t in the equation....  
A​DAM​: Not really. We just never got the right...  
whatever. I sorta blew that one. Anyway, it’s 
kind of weird talking about....  
E​VELYN​: It’s okay. That’s nice to see, every so 
often. Someone gallant...  
A​DAM​: Which is medieval for “loser”... ​(Beat) ​I wanna 
tell you something—and this is not because we’ve 
been sleeping together or because you mentioned 
another girl, it’s not—I can’t stop thinking about you. 
I can’t. I mean, it’s not like a stalker 
situation...yet...but I’m finding myself hanging out by 
 your classes. Following you...  
E​VELYN​: I’ve noticed....  
A​DAM​: I figured, yeah. And taking my jacket off, 
like, thirty times a day and looking at your 
number. Staring at it. Wondering if you’re looking 
at my number. And writing your name on 
anything!  
All over my books. In my ​food​. Seriously, tracing 
your name in whatever I’m eating. I’m so 
whipped... you are dangerously close to owning 
me.  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

26 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

E​VELYN​: Wow...  
A​DAM​: I just signed my relationship death 
warrant, didn’t I?/What a dork...  
E​VELYN​: ...no, it’s sweet!/It is!! ​(She kisses him.)  
So...did you enjoy tonight?  
A​DAM​: Uh-huh, dinner was great. Trip into the  
city...that was fun. I like your car....  
E​VELYN​: I ​meant t​ he performance.  
A​DAM​: Oh, right, ​that.​ Umm, yeah, you know, it 
was, uhh...not really.  
(​E​VELYN ​studies him, seems disappointed.)  
E​VELYN​: ...that’s alright. “S fine.  
A​DAM​: No, it’s not that I didn’t ​enjoy i​ t, it was 
okay.... E​VELYN​: You didn’t, though, did you?  
A​DAM​: I mean, you know...sort of....  
E​VELYN​: No, I don’t know. I don’t “sort of” enjoy 
Art. I either like it or I don’t. It’s not a ​casserole....  
A​DAM​: I know that, come on!...  
 E​VELYN​: Art is visceral! You’re supposed to 
experience the thing, feel it....  
A​DAM​: So, I guess I didn’t “feel it”, then. Forgive me...  
E​VELYN​: Okay, sorry, that was...I just hate that kind 
of “middle of the road” crap response to something. 
“It was interesting. And different.” God, that’s so 
West Coast!  
A​DAM​: Hey, it’s just an ​opinion....  
E​VELYN​: That’s fine, no, of course, I don’t mean that 
you can’t have an opinion....  
A​DAM​: ...thank you...  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

Neil LaBute 27  

E​VELYN​: ...I just wish it was right./Kidding!  

A​DAM​: Geez.../You’re funny.  
E​VELYN​: Look, I was hoping you’d like it, that’s 
all.... A​DAM​: Well, you can still hope....  
​ nyhow, it’s fine if our 
E​VELYN​: Ha ha. ​(Beat) A
opinions differ. Love it, hate it, whatever. I just don’t 
think you can dismiss that kind of conceptual 
creativity with a yawn and a “where should we eat?”  
A​DAM​: I didn’t ​yawn.​ ..my mouth was just hanging 
open. E​VELYN​: You didn’t think it was amazing?  
A​DAM​: Yes, I did. I thought it was ​amazing ​that the 
cops didn’t burst in and stop her....  
E​VELYN​: Come on! How could you not find 
that moving, what she was doing?  
A​DAM​: Easy...  
E​VELYN​: Really?  
A​DAM​: Yeah. I mean, granted, I usually love it when 
 a woman removes her tampon in front of me...very 
sexy.  
E​VELYN​: Uuuugh, Adam, don’t say that! It’s not 
meant to be ​sexy​./Jesus, it’s an expression of herself 
as an artist. As a woman. A ​person...  
A​DAM​: I’m joking, you know that!/Okay, right, but 
the whole thing was....  
E​VELYN​: It was so ​incredible​...I couldn’t believe what 
I was seeing!  
A​DAM​: Me either.  
E​VELYN​: See, I love her work. Her last show 
was fantastic....  
A​DAM​: That’s great, no, I’m just saying that it’s hard 
for me to think of that as ​Art.​ ..what she was doing.  
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28 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

E​VELYN​: Why, because it’s unconventional?  

A​DAM​: No, because it’s a Tampax.  
E​VELYN​: You didn’t get it, that’s all....  
A​DAM​: That’s not true! That’s...we just don’t 
agree. I wanted to like it....  
E​VELYN​: Then why didn’t you?  
A​DAM​: I dunno. Maybe I’m narrow-minded, 
maybe because I wasn’t ready for it. Or ​maybe 
because she was finger painting portraits of her 
daddy using her menstrual blood....  
E​VELYN​: She’s completely influential...totally vanguard.  
A​DAM​: I don’t doubt it...I’m just saying that, to me, 
it was nasty, it was private and I didn’t feel like I 
was supposed to be seeing that.  
E​VELYN​: She allowed you to, though! She allowed you 
 into her work, her ​world​...but in a highly theatrical 
way.  
A​DAM​: Exactly my point! It’s called “Theater,” 
not “Therapy.”  
E​VELYN​: No, it’s called “Performance Art.”  
A​DAM​: It’s called her “period!”  
E​VELYN​: It’s called “Your taste up your ass!”  
(They stop, staring at one another.)  
A​DAM​: ...did we just have our first fight?  
E​VELYN​: I think so...yeah, we did. Cool. ​(Smiles)  
Better mark it down in our diaries...  
A​DAM​: Yep.  
E​VELYN​: Hey, that’s okay, we can do that, fight,  
it’s good.  
A​DAM​: Why good?  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

Neil LaBute 29  

E​VELYN​: ...“cause now we get to ​make up.... (She 

crawls over to him, covering him in kisses. After a 
moment, she points at the video camera at the foot of the 
bed.) ​Were you nervous earlier? I mean, about us 
with the video?  
A​DAM​: Nah. Not really. ​(Beat) ​A bit...  
E​VELYN​: Sure?  
A​DAM​: Yeah. It’s just...let’s not watch it, okay?  
Do we have to do that?  
E​VELYN​: Not if you don’t want to....  
A​DAM​: Good. I don’t think I could get into that,  
actually....  
E​VELYN​: Why not? It’d be fun....  
 A​DAM​: I don’t really need to see myself doing 
that. Doing...stuff.  
E​VELYN​: See, I’m totally different. I think everyone 
should see themselves doing it, and their friends 
should see it, too.  
A​DAM​: And that’s why the tape’s gonna stay at 
my place....  
(She smiles at this, kissing him.)  
E​VELYN​: Don’t be so frightened of everything.  
A​DAM​: I’m not. Not frightened, anyway. I just 
don’t think that’s a thing other people need to see. 
Ever. My ass...  
E​VELYN​: People like who...Phillip?  
A​DAM​: No, that’s fine, you can show it to 
​ re you nuts?!  
him.... ​(Beat) A
E​VELYN​: Why is he your friend?  
A​DAM​: Do you really wanna go over that...?  
E​VELYN​: I just don’t get it.  
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30 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

A​DAM​: What’s to get? We were room-mates, 

we occasionally see each other, have a drink....  
E​VELYN​: I just don’t think you need that kind of 
person in your life. No one does.  
A​DAM​: ​(Mock-serious) .​ ..it may be a touch early to 
start dictating who my friends are.  
​ eah...I s’pose.  
E​VELYN​: ​(With charm) Y
A​DAM​: Geez, he really got under your skin, didn’t he? 
E​VELYN​: Under. Over. Around. I hate that kind of 
guy.... A​DAM​: What kind?  
 E​VELYN​: That kind. Whatever he is, that’s what I 
hate.... A​DAM​: I’ll let him know.  
E​VELYN​: No, God, no, don’t give him the 
satisfaction. And he’d take it, too, believe me....  
A​DAM​: Nah, maybe it’d help him, you know,  
be better...or something.  
E​VELYN​: The only thing that would help him is 
a fucking knife through his throat....  
(They grow quiet for a moment. ​A​DAM s​ tudies E
​ ​VELYN​.)  
A​DAM​: Okay, I’m glad I don’t have a pet rabbit 
or anything right now....  
​ ou know what I mean.  
E​VELYN​: ​(Laughing) Y
A​DAM​: Ummmm, no, not really.  
E​VELYN​: I’ve just been around his type, that’s 
all. And I don’t like ‘em.  
A​DAM​: Yeah, I got that part....  
E​VELYN​: No big deal.  
A​DAM​: Right, no, it was the “knife through the 
throat” part that was the big deal, I thought....  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

Neil LaBute 31  

E​VELYN​: Oh, that’s just an expression.  

A​DAM​: ...from where, Transylvania?  
(She kisses him.)  
E​VELYN​: No...from the “Scorned Girl’s 
Handbook.” A​DAM​: Ahhh. Right...page 666.  
​ ou’ve been peeking. You 
E​VELYN​: ​(Smiling) Y
know what happens to peekers, don’t you?  
A​DAM​: Well, if they’re D Js, they usually get asked 
to play “Misty” on the radio all the time....  
E​VELYN​: Close. No, I’ll show you...but you have to 
do me a favor.  
A​DAM​: What’s that?  
(She starts to slip under the covers.)  
E​VELYN​: ...just smile. Smile into the camera. For as 
long as you can...  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154,

402-630-0823 ​32 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

(The park)  

(A series of large children’s toys adrift in a patch of 

grass. Trees around the border. Clouds in the sky)  
(​J​ENNY ​waiting on a swing. Sitting by herself.  
After a moment, ​A​DAM ​appears.)  
A​DAM​: ...hey.  
J​ENNY​: Adam, hi, hello.  
A​DAM​: Hi.  
J​ENNY​: Thanks for coming, I appreciate it.  
A​DAM​: Of course, how’s it going?  
J​ENNY​: You know...okay.  
A​DAM​: Right.  
J​ENNY​: Lots to do for a wedding.  
A​DAM​: I’ll bet....  
J​ENNY​: Invitations to get out, arrangements to 
make.... A​DAM​: ...air tanks to fill....  
 (​J​ENNY ​laughs lightly.)  
J​ENNY​: That too.  
A​DAM​: So, you guys’re still going through with 
that? J​ENNY​: That’s what we’re saying....  
A​DAM​: What do you mean, “saying”?  
J​ENNY​: No, we are, it’s what we’re doing, I’m 
just.... A​DAM​: ...Jenny, what?  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

Neil LaBute 33  

J​ENNY​: I don’t know. I’m, you know, worried.  

A​DAM​: Why? About what?  
J​ENNY​: What do you think? Phillip. He’s just...I 
dunno, being funny.  
A​DAM​: Funny, how? Like “telling jokes” funny 
or “making letter bombs” funny?  
J​ENNY​: No, no bombs yet, but kind of...just funny. 
​ ike, nice...  
Odd. ​(Beat) L
A​DAM​: “Nice?”  
J​ENNY​: Yeah, you know...sweet. Now, I love him 
and all, I do, you know that, but that’s not the way 
I’d describe him to people. “Sweet.” Would you?  
(​A​DAM ​thinks for a moment.)  
A​DAM​: No, I wouldn’t exactly use his name 
and “sweet” in the same short story....  
J​ENNY​: And that’s what’s bugging me.  
A​DAM​: Why, though? Maybe he’s just....  
J​ENNY​: I’ve only seen him like this once before, 
maybe twice. Definitely once, when we were first 
going out and he was seeing somebody else, too. It 
 was over, mostly, but he was still seeing her. 
Remember that?  
A​DAM​: ...yeah. I do. The “other” one.  
J​ENNY​: The other Jenny, exactly. I’d call and I could 
hear him freeze up, stop for a moment if he 
answered and I said, “Hey, it’s Jenny.” He didn’t 
know what to do, so he’d get all sort of sweet and 
fish around slowly until he figured out if it was her 
or me...God, I used to hate that!  
A​DAM​: So, do you know anyone else named 
“Jenny” right now?  
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34 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

J​ENNY​: No, I don’t mean that, not the name so much 

as the feeling...that sense that there’s someone else.  
A​DAM​: Nah...  
J​ENNY​: Maybe I’m making it up, you know, my 
own insecurities and looking for a reason not to....  
A​DAM​: ​(Smiling) .​ ..dive in? Take the plunge? Jump 
off the deep end? Stop me before I...  
J​ENNY​: Cute...but yes. And that might be it, but I don’t 
think so. I want to get married, I do, and I love the 
guy, whether he’s sweet or not. It’s just that I don’t 
believe him now that he is....  
A​DAM​: Well, you got me....  
J​ENNY​: Really? You don’t know anything, haven’t 
felt that or....  
A​DAM​: I only see him, like, once a week in our survey 
course, so it’s not like I’m in the inner circle any 
more....  
J​ENNY​: I know, I just thought that....  
 A​DAM​: ...but I would tell you, Jenny, I would, 
seriously. J​ENNY​: Really?  
A​DAM​: I think so...I mean, that’s a lousy thing to pass 
on to a person, and if I did, you know, know 
something and then told you, you’d more likely hate 
me forever than be grateful....  
J​ENNY​: Yeah, that’s probably true....  
A​DAM​: Ummmm, you could lie, you know, feel 
free. J​ENNY​: No, you’re probably right....  
A​DAM​: So, that doesn’t exactly make me want to 
come clean here—which I don’t have anything to 
come clean about, okay, honestly, I just mean, 
whatever—but I feel I would. I do, because I think 
you’re pretty amazing, if  
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Neil LaBute 35  

the truth be known, and you’re almost married so 

why shouldn’t it be? The truth, I mean.  
J​ENNY​: ...thank you.  
A​DAM​: Not a problem. Anyway, that’s all I 
know. Which is, nothing....  
J​ENNY​: ’Kay. I’m just being stupid.  
A​DAM​: Look, if you feel it, it’s not stupid....  
(​J​ENNY ​studies him hard.)  
J​ENNY​: You’re a lovely person, you know that?  
A​DAM​: “Lovely?” Jesus, why don’t you just call 
me “gay” and get it over with?  
J​ENNY​: Hey, “lovely” is nice...I wish there were a 
few more “lovely” people in the world. I mean it, 
​ nd getting cuter by 
you are. ​(Looks at him again) A
the day. What is that girl doing to you?  
 A​DAM​: Lots...she’s amazing, really.  
J​ENNY​: What happened to your...are you  
wearing...Adam, are those contacts?  
A​DAM​: Yeah. Contacts.  
J​ENNY​: My God, this from the former “tape around 
the nose thing-y” champion....  
A​DAM​: That was only for a week, that one 
time! J​ENNY​: Still, you’ve gotta admit....  
A​DAM​: I do, it’s amazing. I feel better....  
J​ENNY​:  Better?  You’re,  like,  this  totally  hot  guy 
now....  ​(Beat)  ​I  always  thought  you  were handsome, 
anyway,  but  I  didn’t  think  you’d  go  in  for  the 
makeover thing.  
A​DAM​: Me either. Who knew?  
J​ENNY​: Well, apparently she did.... ​(Beat) ​You are 
still seeing her, aren’t you?  
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36 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

A​DAM​: Oh yeah. She’s...you don’t hold a grudge, all 

she said that night at your...God, I couldn’t believe 
that!  
J​ENNY​: It was great. No, truthfully, it was, Phil 
needed to hear every word of that and he did, too. 
Hear it, I mean. Even said something after you guys 
left that night. Not an admittance of guilt, exactly, 
but as close to one as we’re likely to hear from the 
guy....  
A​DAM​: Really, what’d he say? I’m amazed....  
J​ENNY​: As was I...he put on quite the show....  
​ eah, I remember 
A​DAM​: ​(Sarcastically) Y
vaguely... they both did.  
 J​ENNY​: Right, but later he said something like,  
“He could do worse.”  
A​DAM​: Not exactly a seal of approval...  
J​ENNY​: No, but a lot. For him. And after what she 
said.... A​DAM​: You’re right. Huh.  
J​ENNY​: Hey...her middle name’s not “Jenny” or  
anything, is it?  
​ ​DAM ​laughs at this.)  
(A
A​DAM​: Nah, no such luck. It’s “Ann.” Evelyn 
Ann Thompson. Nice, right?  
J​ENNY​: Eat.  
A​DAM​: Huh?  
J​ENNY​: “Eat.” Those’re her initials, the acronym of 
her names. E-a-t.  
A​DAM​: Hey, that’s cute....  
J​ENNY​: Oh God, you’re a goner.  
A​DAM​: I know, it’s pathetic, isn’t it?  
J​ENNY​: Yeah, somewhat...but lovely.  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

Neil LaBute 37  

A​DAM​: Not that again...  

(He puts a hand up to hide his face. ​J​ENNY ​grabs one of 
his hands, studying it.)  
J​ENNY​: What the heck is this? What is this?!  
A​DAM​: What...?  
J​ENNY​: Did you stop biting your nails?  
A​DAM​: Yeah, for, like, a month now...  
J​ENNY​: Don’t tell me...  
 A​DAM​: It’s true. She put some crap on them, 
slapped ‘em out of my mouth a few times and that 
was it. I stopped....  
J​ENNY​: You have nails! This is crazy....  
A​DAM​: It’s no biggie....  
J​ENNY​: Ever since I’ve known you, three years now, 
your fingers’ve looked like raw meat...anyway, 
awful. And now you just quit?! This girl is the 
messiah.  
A​DAM​: I’ve quit before....  
J​ENNY​: For, like, an hour! ​(Beat) I​ love this 
woman.... A​DAM​: Me too.  
​ ​DAM 
J​ENNY​: Yeah, I see that. Wow... ​(She looks over at A
​ nd you’d really tell me if you knew 
again.) A
something?  
A​DAM​: ...I would. Yes.  
J​ENNY​: ’Kay. Damn, when did you get so cute?  
(She kisses him lightly on the cheek. They look at each 
other for a long moment. Suddenly, they kiss. A real 
kiss, not a “great to see you, aren’t we the best of 
friends” kiss. After a moment, they shudder to a halt.)  
A​DAM​: ...shit.  
J​ENNY​: Yeah. Huh.  
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38 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

A​DAM​: What was that all about?  

J​ENNY​: I dunno. I just...I’m not sure.  
A​DAM​: Look, I’m sorry.  
J​ENNY​: No, don’t be. I am. I’m the one with the ring on....  
A​DAM​: Yeah, good point. My friend’s ring. Thanks 
 for reminding me...  
J​ENNY​: Welcome.  
A​DAM​: Oh, Gosh...dang it!  
J​ENNY​: ...no, listen. It wasn’t because of, you know, 
my worries or whatever. How I feel about Phillip 
right now. It wasn’t....  
A​DAM​: Okay.  
J​ENNY​: It just...  
A​DAM​: ...happened.  
J​ENNY​: Right. I’ve wanted to do that for a long  
time...three years....  
A​DAM​: ...me too. ​(Beat) ​And now we take it down to 
the beach and bury it...don’t we?  
J​ENNY​: Yeah. I mean, yes, definitely. I guess....  
A​DAM​: Don’t you think? We have to...Jesus, what’re 
we even talking about?!  
J​ENNY​: No, we do. ‘Course. Don’t you want to?  
A​DAM​: Bury it?  
J​ENNY​: Yes...or...  
A​DAM​: No, we can’t talk about...don’t even say 
the... do you have a shovel in your car?  
J​ENNY​: I don’t, no...but I have my car.  
A​DAM​: ...my bike’s right over there.  
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Neil LaBute 39  

J​ENNY​: Is it locked up?  

A​DAM​: Uh-huh.  
J​ENNY​: Then it should be fine...if we were to go to 
the beach.  
A​DAM​: I suppose so. It’s a small town, after all.  
J​ENNY​: That’s what people say....  
A​DAM​: Good people. People we know and care about....  
​ ome on, we should go bury 
J​ENNY​: Right. ​(Beat) C
this. At the beach...  
(They kiss again, then stand up slowly and walk off. She 
puts an arm through his.)  
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402-630-0823 ​40 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

(The doctor’s lounge)  

(A glistening white room with relaxing colors schemes on 

the walls and furniture. End tables filled with magazines.)  
​ D
(A ​ ​VELYN ​sit on opposing couches, 
​ AM ​and E
flipping through separate copies of ​In Style​. After a 
moment, ​A​DAM ​glances up and checks his watch.)  
A​DAM​: ...what time did they say?  
E​VELYN​: Like, ten-thirty...  
A​DAM​: And it’s ten-fifty now....  
E​VELYN​: No big deal, you always wait at the 
doctor’s office.  
A​DAM​: I know, I just have to be at work by 
twelve. E​VELYN​: Today?  
A​DAM​: Yeah, I told you that....  
E​VELYN​: No, you didn’t.  
 A​DAM​: I did...I always work Wednesdays.  
E​VELYN​: Really?  
A​DAM​: Yeah, every Wednesday.  
E​VELYN​: Damn. I hope they....  
A​DAM​: It’s okay. I guess I could be a little late if I 
have to....  
E​VELYN​: Sure?  
A​DAM​: Uh-huh. It’s alright...I mean, they hate it but 
I can make something up.  
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Neil LaBute 41  

E​VELYN​: We can go.  

A​DAM​: No, I wanna do this. I do.... ​(Beat) ​Who 
wouldn’t want to get their nose chopped off?  
E​VELYN​: Come on! It’s not....  
A​DAM​: I’m kidding. No, I think you’re right about 
it.... E​VELYN​: It’s just shaving it....  
A​DAM​: Yeah, that’s much better. “Shaving” your 
nose off...that settles the nerves.  
E​VELYN​: You’re only talking to them, anyway, that’s 
all. A​DAM​: I know, it’s just weird to think....  
E​VELYN​: People do it all the time. Especially out ​here...  
A​DAM​: Right, no, you’re right, I just never 
imagined myself one of those people....  
E​VELYN​: I’m one of those people. Would you 
ever’ve guessed that?  
A​DAM​: What? You are not....  
E​VELYN​: Bullshit. Take a look...  
A​DAM​: Where...? ​(He moves over to her, studies her 
 nose.) ​I don’t see anything.  
E​VELYN​: Exactly.  
A​DAM​: You had your nose done? Honestly?  
E​VELYN​: At sixteen. My parents’ birthday 
present... A​DAM​: Thoughtful.  
E​VELYN​: No, I asked for it. I had this terrible 
hook. “The Jewish Slope,” we called it in Lake 
Forest... the only ski run for miles around!  
A​DAM​: ​(Smiling) ​I can’t believe it...I can’t tell....  
E​VELYN​: That’s the idea, isn’t it?  
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42 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

A​DAM​: Yeah, but...you could be lying to me.  

E​VELYN​: And what would be the point of that?  
A​DAM​: To get me in here. To watch chunks of my 
flesh get torn away...you could be a sadist, for all I 
know....  
E​VELYN​: Hey, quit sweet-talking to me....  
A​DAM​: Well, they did an amazing job. ​(Beat) ​Wait a 
minute, your name’s “Thompson,” that’s not 
Jewish....  
E​VELYN​: On my mother’s side, you dope. That’s 
what makes me Jewish...her maiden name is 
“Tessman.”  
A​DAM​: Oh.  
E​VELYN​: We don’t have to stay here, Adam....  
A​DAM​: No, it’s alright, it just makes me a little jumpy....  
E​VELYN​: It’s cosmetic, not corrective...it’s no big 
deal. I promise....  
 A​DAM​: If it’s cosmetic, why can’t I just put some 
powder on it or something, or shade it in on the 
side like they do for Richard Gere in photos....  
E​VELYN​: You mean, before?  
A​DAM​: ...he had it done?!  
E​VELYN​: Take a look at ​American Gigolo a​ nd then at 
any picture of him today. I’m serious. Lots of guys 
do it...Joel Grey.  
A​DAM​: Okay, that’s it, let’s go....  
E​VELYN​: ​(Laughing) ​Kidding! What about Sting?  
A​DAM​:  Yeah,  I  knew  he  did.  Looked  totally 
different  in  ​Quadrophenia​.  I  used  to  rent  that  video 
all the time, my “Mod” phase....  
E​VELYN​: That must’ve been cute.... ​(Beat) ​Does he 
look better now? Sting, I mean?  
Owned by Bethany Kennedy, 808 Sage Meadow Dr, Glenn Heights, TX, 75154, 402-630-0823

Neil LaBute 43  

A​DAM​: I suppose so...maybe it’s just all that 

yoga, though.  
E​VELYN​: I think you’ll look great. You have a good 
face, a nice shape to your nose, actually, but it’s just 
got that bit of....  
A​DAM​: What?  
E​VELYN​: ...bulb...at the end. Not a bulb, exactly, but...  
A​DAM​: No, I got it, sort of the “Rudolph” effect. At 
least I can guide your sleigh tonight....  
E​VELYN​: You can guide my sleigh any night.  
(They look at one another, kiss.)  
A​DAM​: P D A.  
E​VELYN​: Indeed...  
 A​DAM​: Shall I check the men’s room?  
E​VELYN​: I dare you....  
A​DAM​: Shut up!  
E​VELYN​: I’m serious....  
A​DAM​: You’re crazy....  
E​VELYN​: Quite possibly. I still dare you....  
A​DAM​: What if they call us?  
E​VELYN​: Then they’ll just have to wait, won’t 
they? A​DAM​: I suppose they would....  
E​VELYN​: Can you afford to be late, that’s the 
question. Will you take the risk...?  
A​DAM​: Is this, like, my last meal or something?  
A conjugal visit before I’m drawn and 
quartered.... E​VELYN​: Stop being so morbid...it’s 
just flesh.  
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44 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

A​DAM​: Yeah, I see what you mean...“It’s just 

flesh,” that’s not morbid at all.  
E​VELYN​: It isn’t. It’s one of the most perfect 
substances on earth. Natural, beautiful. Think about 
it...  
A​DAM​: I’d rather not.  
E​VELYN​: Oh come on...you’ve bitten more skin off 
from around your fingernails than a doctor would 
ever trim off your nose. It’s true....  
A​DAM​: Yeah, but that’s just....  
E​VELYN​: ...what? It’s the same thing. Now, that 
grows back and this wouldn’t, but that’s about the 
 only difference. ​(Beat) ​How did you get that scar on 
your back?  
A​DAM​: Which, the...?  
E​VELYN​: Yes. The raised one....  
A​DAM​: A kid, ummm, threw a stick at me...first 
grade. E​VELYN​: Stitches?  
A​DAM​: Yeah. Thirty-three...  
E​VELYN​: And is that terrible? Are you 
disfigured because of it...?  
A​DAM​: Well, I don’t like to wear tanktops....  
E​VELYN​: ...and you should be respected for 
that.... A​DAM​: ​(Giggling) ​I’m serious...it bugs 
me....  
E​VELYN​: Okay, but why? Because it looks ugly or 
because you think other people will think it looks 
bad? Which?  
A​DAM​: I dunno....  
E​VELYN​: What’s the matter with scars? Not a 
​ ook at these, see there?  
thing... ​(Pulls up sleeve) L
A​DAM​: What’re those?  
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Neil LaBute 45  

E​VELYN​: They’re scars...lots of little scars. You 

didn’t notice them before?  
A​DAM​: Yeah, I guess I did, but I didn’t think anything....  
E​VELYN​: Sure, you did. Of course you would, they’re 
on my wrist. You know what they are....  
A​DAM​: ...did you try to...?  
E​VELYN​: No, not really. I mean, I cut on myself a little, 
tried to get attention when I was a teenager, but I 
 didn’t want to slit my veins open. Or I would have....  
A​DAM​: Oh.  
E​VELYN​: I’m a very straightforward person.  
A​DAM​: Yeah, I’m getting that....  
E​VELYN​: It’s the only way to be. Why lie?  
A​DAM​: You’re right.  
E​VELYN​: Exactly. ​(Beat) ​So, is my arm unattractive 
to you, then, because of those, or not? Tell me...  
A​DAM​: No...  
E​VELYN​: Are you lying?  
A​DAM​: No, not at all, I love your arm.  
E​VELYN​: “Love” is a big word....  
A​DAM​: I know that. That’s why I used it. I don’t 
throw it around, believe me....  
E​VELYN​: Either do I.  
A​DAM​: I love your arm. It’s beautiful....  
(He takes hold of her wrist gently, kisses it.)  
E​VELYN​: They’re like rings on a tree. They 
signify experience...make us unique.  
A​DAM​: I can see that.  
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46 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

E​VELYN​: And that’s all this is, the idea of you 

having some surgery. It’s an experience....  
A​DAM​: I know, it just makes me....  
E​VELYN​: ...what, nervous? Of course you should 
be nervous, why not? It’s something you’ve 
never done...but that’s the adventure.  
A​DAM​: “It’s a far, far better thing I do than I have 
 ever done...”  
E​VELYN​: Something like that. Is that from a 
book? A​DAM​: Yeah, Dickens...  
E​VELYN​: Huh. Well, I don’t know about better,  
but at least different.  
(Another quick kiss.)  
E​VELYN​: So, are you gonna go check?  
A​DAM​: What? ...You mean, the rest room?  
E​VELYN​: Uh-huh.  
A​DAM​: Ummm...okay. What if they call my 
name, though? Seriously...  
E​VELYN​: What if they do?  
A​DAM​: ​(Smiling) ​I smell trouble...which I may not 
be able to do after this.  
E​VELYN​: Just go...  
A​DAM​: ​(Standing) ​Okay, why not? Then I can show 
you something....  
E​VELYN​: What?  
A​DAM​: Just a little thing I had done. For you.  
E​VELYN​: Wait, what...show me now.  
(He looks around, can’t wait. He pulls open his pants and 
lets her glance inside.)  
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Neil LaBute 47  

A​DAM​: Look...a big religious no-no. ​(Pulls at his  

waistband) ​Nice, huh?  
E​VELYN​: “Eat.” Lemme guess...you couldn’t afford 
the “me.”  
A​DAM​: No, you goof! Your ​initials.​ Like it?  
E​VELYN​: ​(Touching it) I​ do, I like it. And I love 
the gesture....  
A​DAM​: “Love” is a big word.  
E​VELYN​: I know that. That’s why I used it.... 
​ o check the “handicapped” stall. I’m 
(Beat) G
suddenly very hungry....  
(He slips off, out of the waiting room. ​E​VELYN g​ oes back 
to reading her magazine, when a voice calls out.)  
V​OICE​: Mr Sorenson. Adam Sorenson, please...  
​ ​VELYN ​looks up, glances toward where A
(E ​ ​DAM 
has disappeared but says nothing. She smiles.)  
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402-630-0823 ​48 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

(The lawn)  

(A stretch of green hidden near a graveled path. Trees 

sway overhead. Benches in clusters at gracious intervals.)  
​ ​HILLIP ​and A
(P ​ ​DAM ​sitting on their jackets between 
classes, talking. P​ ​HILLIP ​has a a pair of sunglasses perched 
on his head. ​AD ​ AM ​has a bandage across his nose. )  
P​HILLIP​: ...I’m serious, it looks good.  
A​DAM​: Just shut up...don’t get here late and then 
make fun of me.  
P​HILLIP​: No, you look distinguished.  
A​DAM​: Phil, I look like a hockey player....  
P​HILLIP​: Yeah, but a distinguished one.  
(They chuckle.)  
 P​HILLIP​: What’d you do, anyway?  
A​DAM​: ...I fell.  
P​HILLIP​: Come on...  
A​DAM​: Seriously, I did....  
P​HILLIP​: You sound like a battered wife. “I 
fell....” A​DAM​: That’s not funny.  
P​HILLIP​:  Yeah,  it  is...it’s  very  funny.  I  mean,  it’s  not 
that  funny  that  wives  get  beat  up,  but  the  fact  that 
you look like one, that I find hilarious....  
A​DAM​: Well, anyway, that’s what happened. I 
tripped, I fell...no big deal.  
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Neil LaBute 49  

P​HILLIP​: Sure it wasn’t the bathroom door?  

That’s the usual excuse....  
A​DAM​: For who?  
P​HILLIP​: Abused women...  
A​DAM​: You’re sick.  
P​HILLIP​: Somewhat, yeah. But I’m nice-looking,  
which makes up for a lot.  
A​DAM​: Not as much as you think....  
P​HILLIP​: ’Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.”  
A​DAM​: I don’t...I just hate you.  
P​HILLIP​: See, I knew you did, all these years.... 
​ ou really fell?  
(Beat) Y
A​DAM​: Yeah. I tripped on the stairs going into my 
apartment and caught my face on the...you 
know...the....  
P​HILLIP​: No, what?  
 A​DAM​: Oh, come on! It’s not that fascinating....  
P​HILLIP​: It is, too. It’s completely fascinating.  
So, you don’t wanna tell me then, right?  
A​DAM​: Tell you what?!  
P​HILLIP​: What happened to your...  
A​DAM​: I told you. I tripped going up the...and hit 
the edge of the....  
P​HILLIP​: Yeah, it’s the “edge of” that I’m a little hazy 
on here....  
A​DAM​: Edge of the knob. My door knob.  
P​HILLIP​: She clocked you one, didn’t she?  
A​DAM​: Who?  
P​HILLIP​: “Who?” The artist, formerly known as 
Evelyn, or whatever her name is....  
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50 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

A​DAM​: Are you nuts?  

P​HILLIP​: Well, I’ve gotta hand it to her, she 
certainly made a “statement”....  
A​DAM​: You are such an idiot....  
P​HILLIP​: Did she hit you?  
A​DAM​: Stop!  
P​HILLIP​: I don’t care if she did, I’m just 
asking.... A​DAM​: Yeah, well...you can be 
annoying.  
P​HILLIP​: It’s one of my best qualities, actually....  
A​DAM​: And there aren’t many of them.  
P​HILLIP​: You really tripped? Truthfully...  
A​DAM​: Yes.  
 P​HILLIP​: ...huh. Okay.  
A​DAM​: Why do you say that? “Huh.” You don’t 
believe me?  
P​HILLIP​: No, I just...nothing.  
A​DAM​: What? Don’t do that, come on now. What?  
P​HILLIP​: It’s no big.... ​(Beat) ​I saw your girlfriend the 
other day, maybe, what, last Thursday? You weren’t 
in class, and I said to her, I asked her if you were 
okay, that’s all....  
A​DAM​: Yeah, so?  
P​HILLIP​: And she said “yes,” but you were 
recovering from an operation or something....  
A​DAM​: What?!  
P​HILLIP​: That what I said, “he didn’t tell me about 
anything,” and she said it wasn’t really an 
operation ​per se,​ just some thing you had done. A 
procedure. And that was it...so I just thought....  
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Neil LaBute 51  

A​DAM​: No, it’s not....  

P​HILLIP​: Hey, you don’t have to tell me, we’re not 
on intimate terms or anything....  
A​DAM​: I hurt it. Really...  
P​HILLIP​: Whatever.  
A​DAM​: No, not “whatever.” Phil...I did. I hit it and, 
you know...I banged it pretty bad at home and so I 
had the doctor look at it. But he didn’t...​operate ​or 
anything. The bandage is from that. The door.  
P​HILLIP​: After you tripped on the stairs...yeah, you 
told me.  
A​DAM​: She must’ve just gotten confused.  
 P​HILLIP​: Maybe. That doesn’t seem to happen to 
her very often, though...she’s pretty sharp.  
A​DAM​: No, she is...I’m sure it’s just the way I 
explained it. I mean, to her....  
P​HILLIP​: Right.  
A​DAM​: ...and where did you see her?  
P​HILLIP​: Evelyn? I don’t know...Starbucks or  
somewhere. The mall, maybe.  
A​DAM​: She doesn’t drink coffee.  
P​HILLIP​: So, it was downtown then, Record City, I 
​ hat, you worried I’m gonna steal 
think.... ​(Beat) W
her? Believe me...  
A​DAM​: No, God...don’t be so... ​(Touches nose)  
Anyway, it’s gonna be fine....  
P​HILLIP​: Well, that’s good to hear.  
A​DAM​: Yep.  
P​HILLIP​: ...so you’re okay, though?  
A​DAM​: No. I mean, yeah, I’m great...absolutely.  
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52 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

​ nd you’d tell me if 

P​HILLIP​: Then good... ​(Beat) A
there was anything seriously wrong?  
A​DAM​: ...of course! Hey, what’s up?  
P​HILLIP​: I mean, we’re friends, right? You’d come 
to me....  
​ hil, what’s...?  
A​DAM​: ...about what? ​(Beat) P
P​HILLIP​: Jenny told me.  
A​DAM​: What?  
​ ​DAM ​looks at his friend. For the first time, P
(A ​ ​HILLIP 
 seems less than in control.)  
P​HILLIP​: She kissed you.  
A​DAM​: Oh.  
P​HILLIP​: She felt shitty, I guess. I could tell for, like, 
a week that something was going on and finally she 
told me about it. How you guys met and talked 
about us—why do girls always have to ​talk ​about  
everything?—and later she leaned over and kissed 
you. That’s what she told me.  
A​DAM​: She did...I mean, she did do that but it 
was nothing.  
P​HILLIP​: Hey, it wasn’t nothing, she’s a good 
kisser. Hell of a kisser.  
A​DAM​: I don’t mean “nothing,” but it meant 
nothing. It didn’t hold any meaning for us...it just 
happened.  
P​HILLIP​: Okay. So, you can speak for her, then?  
A​DAM​: For me...it didn’t for me. It was just a...  
that’s all she said?  
P​HILLIP​: Don’t tell me there’s more....  
A​DAM​: No, God, not at all...I just....  
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Neil LaBute 53  

P​HILLIP​: It’s alright, I’d been acting weird lately, 

this whole marriage idea is just...freaky...so, it’s my 
fault.  
A​DAM​: Right...  
P​HILLIP​: I mean, who gets married at ​twenty-two ​these 
days? Right? It’s not the Middle Ages, for 
Chrissakes.... ​(Beat) ​I just feel bad...you know, for her.  
A​DAM​: Why?  
 P​HILLIP​: Kissing you...that’s hideous! It’s what 
those new-age dumbshits would call “a desperate 
cry for help”....  
(They laugh, catching each other’s eye.)  
A​DAM​: Sorry...  
P​HILLIP​: ’S alright. It’s better than me having to 
kiss you....  
A​DAM​: Good point.  
P​HILLIP​: No tongue, right?  
A​DAM​: Jesus...  
P​HILLIP​: I’m just asking....  
A​DAM​: No! Please...  
​ ​HILLIP ​looks at his watch.)  
(P
P​HILLIP​: Well, I got a three-ten. “International 
Cinema” or some shit.  
A​DAM​: Yeah?  
P​HILLIP​: I guess...it’s an elective, I just show up for 
the tests. You?  
A​DAM​: Nah...I’m free. Gonna go work out.  
P​HILLIP​: You and the...what is going on with 
the “metamorphosis” thing here? You’re like  
Frankenstein....  
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54 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

A​DAM​: You mean, Frankenstein’s monster.  

Frankenstein was the doctor....  
P​HILLIP​: Ahh, don’t be such an English Lit 
prick... A​DAM​: I am an English Lit prick.  
P​HILLIP​: I know, but you don’t have to sound like 
 one, do you? Doctor, monster, whatever! What’s up 
with that?  
A​DAM​: Nothing. It feels good.  
P​HILLIP​: How much weight have you lost?  
A​DAM​: Not that much, maybe ten pounds or...  
P​HILLIP​: I’d say more like fifteen.  
A​DAM​: Yeah, maybe.  
P​HILLIP​: And the hair thing going, no glasses 
now.... A​DAM​: It’s just a few little....  
P​HILLIP​:  Hey,  it’s  the  “new  you.”  Plus,  the 
nails.  Jenny  told  me  that,  which  is  the  one 
thing that I just cannot believe!  
A​DAM​: It’s a life change....  
P​HILLIP​:  Please,  don’t  make  me  throw  up  with 
the  Oprah-talk,  alright?  I’m  trying  to 
compliment you here....  
A​DAM​: ...thanks.  
P​HILLIP​: I used to find blood on our ​phone,​  
okay, so it’s not just this casual thing, 
quitting....  
A​DAM​: I know. I know that....  
P​HILLIP​: Alright, then. ​(Beat) ​No, you look good. I 
can see why she kissed you...hell, I might even kiss 
you, with a few drinks in me.  
A​DAM​: ​(Laughing) I​ ’ll run home and hide the liquor....  
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Neil LaBute 55  

P​HILLIP​: Please, I’ll help you! ​(Beat) ​And nothing 

else happened, right, I mean, between you and 
Jenny?  
 ​ ​DAM ​stops cold. Walked right into a trap.)  
(A
A​DAM​: ...what?  
P​HILLIP​: I’m just asking.  
A​DAM​: Phil...  
P​HILLIP​: Not really looking for a speech or 
anything. Just an answer. She said “no,” just so you 
don’t think I’m laying a trap here or whatever....  
A​DAM​: I don’t.  
P​HILLIP​: ...nobody saw you on campus or 
anything. A lifeguard out by the dunes, you 
know, so....  
A​DAM​: ...what’s that supposed to mean?  
P​HILLIP​: I’m just ​saying​, I’ll believe you, whatever 
you tell me. I’ve got no witnesses. So...  
A​DAM​: Nothing happened, Phil. Truthfully.  
P​HILLIP​: ...that’s not what she said.  
​ ​DAM ​freezes but doesn’t falter.)  
(A
A​DAM​: That’s not true.  
P​HILLIP​: You sure?  
A​DAM​: Yes.  
P​HILLIP​: You’re right, it’s not true. Hey, a man’s 
gotta try....  
A​DAM​: Uh-huh...  
P​HILLIP​: Not that I want out of this or anything.  
I love scuba-diving....  
A​DAM​: Of course. As we all do....  
P​HILLIP​: Exactly. I’m just not sure I wanna share my 
air tank with the same person the rest of my life....  
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56 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

 ​ ​DAM ​says nothing, just smiles.)  
(A
P​HILLIP​: ...but that’s my problem. ​(Beat) I​ gotta get 
to class....  
A​DAM​: Alright. Take care.  
P​HILLIP​: Sorry for the, you know, crazy shit.  
A​DAM​: It’s okay....  
P​HILLIP​: ...don’t kiss my girlfriend any more, 
alright? A​DAM​: You got it.  
P​HILLIP​: See you...we should do something again one 
of these days, all of us, I mean....  
A​DAM​: ...yeah...  
P​HILLIP​: If you guys wanna. Let us know. So 
long, Romeo!  
​ nock it off!  
A​DAM​: ​(Pulling on a coat) K
​ ​HILLIP ​starts off but stops dead. He turns back and 
(P
​ ​DAM​.)  
studies A
P​HILLIP​: ...where’s your jacket?  
A​DAM​: What?  
P​HILLIP​: Okay, this is too much. The cord jacket, 
the lumberjacky-looking thing...  
A​DAM​: I dunno...anyway, it’s not a jacket, it’s a blazer.  
P​HILLIP​: Uh-huh. And this, umm, Tommy 
Hilfiger-ish job, where’d you come up with that?  
A​DAM​: ...the mall. I bought it.  
P​HILLIP​: ​You ​bought some clothes? You, like, went 
out to the mall on your bike and actually....  
A​DAM​: No, Evelyn drove me. So? What’s the big...?  
P​HILLIP​: The deal is this...you’ve had that  
frumpy-looking fucker for three years, probably more,  
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Neil LaBute 57  

and I’ve never seen you out of it. ​Ever​. Middle of 
California, the dead of ​summer​, whatever, you’ve got 
that coat on. And now you’re just like, “Hey, 
whatever, ​(Yawns) ​yeah, I bought the ol’ stars and 
stripes here with Evelyn.” That’s like a sailing slicker!  
A​DAM​: It’s their yachtsman line....  
P​HILLIP​: I am gonna puke here, I swear to God! I 
did not just hear you use the word “yachtsman”....  
A​DAM​: Hey, she likes it.... ​(Opens jacket) ​It’s reversible   
P​HILLIP​: Well, isn’t that just neat? And peachy keen 
and whatever other ​Little House On The Prairie ​shit 
you wanna spout...what I wanna know is, do you 
like it?  
A​DAM​: ...it’s okay.  
P​HILLIP​: Not what I said. I asked, 
“do-you-like-it?” A​DAM​: It’s fine. It’s a coat....  
P​HILLIP​: And lemme ask you...did you get to keep 
the cord job or did she make you toss it?  
A​DAM​: ...who cares? This is...I threw it out, 
okay? Goodwill, actually.  
P​HILLIP​: “Goodwill, actually.”  
A​DAM​: It’s really no big thing....  
P​HILLIP​: Dude, don’t just say “no big thing.” I begged 
you to throw out the “blazer” our Freshman year, I 
mean, you’ve lost ​both o​ f us a lot of dates with that 
thing on! You’ve had it since, like, birth, okay, so do 
me a little favor and let’s not pretend that the jacket 
and the, ahh, weight and the Jon Bon Jovi hair are no 
big deal. Because when it comes to routine, you used 
to be like Mister goddamn ​Rogers!  
 A​DAM​: Phil, it’s a fucking jacket so just lay off. Go 
to class...  
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58 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

P​HILLIP​: Uh-huh. Fine...  

A​DAM​: Fine.  
P​HILLIP​: I just hope next time we pass each other 
I recognize who the hell you are....  
A​DAM​: Well, if not, you and Evelyn can always 
head over to Record City and have a chat....  
P​HILLIP​: Hey, I wouldn’t get too deep into the 
moral issues during this particular 
conversation...okay, Romeo? I may have a big 
fucking mouth, but at least I keep it to myself....  
(They stare at each other, a nearly visible wall going up 
between them. ​A​DAM ​blinks first and walks off. 
P​HILLIP ​watches him go.)  
P​HILLIP​: So long, matey!  
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402-630-0823 ​Neil LaBute 59  

(The coffee shop)  

(A local Starbucks knockoff, with lots of cozy nooks and 

corners in its bi-level design. Glass lamps hang 
overhead.)  
​ ​VELYN ​stands with ​J​ENNY ​at a high table, sipping 
(E
 hot drinks.)  
E​VELYN​: ...and you, everything’s good?  
J​ENNY​: Yeah, you know. Okay.  
E​VELYN​: Huh. Well, that’s nice to hear....  
J​ENNY​: You?  
E​VELYN​: Oh, you know, pretty great. Just 
studying, working on my art...  
J​ENNY​: Right, you’ve got a big thing you’re doing, 
or, what do you call it?  
E​VELYN​: Thesis project. For my degree...  
J​ENNY​: That’s terrific.  
E​VELYN​: Yeah. The showing’s in a couple 
weeks.... J​ENNY​: And it’s going well? What is it 
again?  
E​VELYN​: I never said....  
J​ENNY​: Oh, well, that’s why.  
E​VELYN​:  Right.  ​(Beat)  I​ t’s  this  sculpture 
thingie....  J​ENNY​:  “Thingie.”  That’s  one  of 
Adam’s words... E​VELYN​: You oughta know.  
J​ENNY​: ...mmmm, I love the arts.  
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60 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

E​VELYN​: Really?  
J​ENNY​: Yeah, you know, going to movies and stuff. 
We don’t get so many here, we have to drive into the 
city for any of the new releases, but I see a lot of 
videos. Phil watches ‘em constantly.  
E​VELYN​: Yeah, and what kind does he like?  
J​ENNY​: Oh, a bunch, but more artsy ones than I 
 do... ​Aliens. Stargate. The Twelve Monkeys. I​ s that 
right, or were there ten of ‘em?  
E​VELYN​: No, it was twelve...a dozen monkeys,  
all together.  
J​ENNY​: Anyway, that kind. Sci-fi, but with 
some meaning, too. And action.  
E​VELYN​: Huh. That’s great...I hate sci-fi. ​(Beat)  
And you? What kind do you like, Jenny?  
J​ENNY​: Ummm, any, I don’t mind...but I usually like 
at least some romance in them. That’s always nice.  
​ ​VELYN ​studies her for a moment.)  
(E
E​VELYN​: Yes...romance’s good. Especially when 
you least expect it.  
J​ENNY​: Uh-huh...  
(J​ ​ENNY ​looks over, sees that ​E​VELYN i​ s watching 
her, looks away quickly.)  
J​ENNY​: ...you know, I was gonna say, I think 
what you’ve done with Adam, it’s really great.  
E​VELYN​: And what’ve I done?  
J​ENNY​: You know, just...he’s changed.  
E​VELYN​: That’s right. ​He’s c​ hanged.  
J​ENNY​: That’s what I mean.  
E​VELYN​: He’s done the work....  
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Neil LaBute 61  

J​ENNY​: Of course, I didn’t mean that you....  

E​VELYN​: I know. I’m just saying, he did it.  
J​ENNY​: Right. That’s always what they say, 
though, isn’t it?  
E​VELYN​: What? And who are they?  
 J​ENNY​: You know, like, in ​Cosmo,​ when they have 
those tests, asking what you’d like to change about 
your guy....  
E​VELYN​: Ahhh. Now you’re gonna get all scientific 
on me....  
J​ENNY​: It’s true, though, right? Almost everybody I’ve 
gone out with, if you could alter just one thing, or 
even get them to stop wearing sunglasses up on their 
head all the time...then they’d be perfect. It’s that sort 
of deal, isn’t it?  
E​VELYN​: Something like that...or it could just be that 
I care about him.  
J​ENNY​: Phil’s got, like, six of those “one 
things,” but it’s the same idea....  
E​VELYN​: Right. And how is ol’ Phil?  
J​ENNY​: He’s...Phil. Six “things” away from 
being amazing...  
​ ​DAM ​arrives at the table, obviously unprepared to 
(A
find both women waiting for him. He wears no 
bandage.)  
A​DAM​: ...hey, Evelyn. Hi. Jenny, hello.  
E​VELYN​/J​ENNY​: Hi, Adam. Hello.  
A​DAM​: I didn’t know you guys were....  
E​VELYN​: I invited her.  
A​DAM​: That’s alright, then....  
J​ENNY​: I like your new jacket! Phil told me about it....  
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62 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

A​DAM​: Oh, right. Yeah. It’s...new.  

J​ENNY​: And your nose! God, you okay?  
A​DAM​: Yep. ‘Course...it was nothing.  
 J​ENNY​: Falling down’s not nothing. ​(Studies 
him) ​Looks okay, though...  
(An uncomfortable pause. E ​ ​VELYN ​looks over at 
A​DAM​, who clears his throat.)  
E​VELYN​: You ​fell​?  
A​DAM​: ...yeah. Anyway...  
E​VELYN​: Anyway, pull up some floor...we got you 
a cocoa.  
(He moves warily to them, squeezing in next to 
E​VELYN​.) ​A​DAM​: Thanks. ​(To E
​ ​VELYN​) Y
​ ou don’t 
drink coffee.... E​VELYN​: It’s not. It’s decaf....  
A​DAM​: That’s still coffee.  
E​VELYN​: Good point. So I drink coffee, then, I just 
don’t like the caffeine....  
J​ENNY​: Me either.  
E​VELYN​:  Really?  You  don’t  like  caffeine,  either, 
Jenny?  Did  you  know  that,  too,  Adam,  that  Jenny 
doesn’t like caffeine?  
A​DAM​: No. I didn’t know that....  
E​VELYN​: See? There’s lots you don’t know....  
(They all sip their drinks silently for a moment.)  
E​VELYN​: Jenny was just saying that she thinks 
you’re great...I mean, doing great things with 
yourself.  
A​DAM​: Yeah? Thanks, Jenny...  
J​ENNY​: You’re welcome. I just....  
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Neil LaBute 63  

E​VELYN​: She thinks you’re just about perfect 

 now, don’t you, Jen?  
J​ENNY​: I didn’t say that.  
E​VELYN​: So, he’s not perfect, then? Obviously his 
motor control’s a bit off, if he fell, but....  
J​ENNY​: I said that you guys are....  
A​DAM​: Forget about it.  
E​VELYN​: It’s true, I’m exaggerating. She said, and I 
paraphrase, “He’s changed.” But she implied for 
the better....  
A​DAM​: Well, I agree. I have. And again, thank 
you. J​ENNY​: Welcome...  
E​VELYN​: I think you’ve changed, too, Adam. A 
lot. A​DAM​: Yeah? How’s that?  
E​VELYN​: Well, I mean, it’s obvious, all the minor 
things are pretty obvious, but in subtler ways as 
well... you’ve gotten cuter. And stronger. More 
confident. And craftier...  
A​DAM​: “Craftier,” huh?  
E​VELYN​: Apparently so...that spill you took 
must’ve done it.  
J​ENNY​: I’m sorry, am I missing something?  
A​DAM​: I’m not sure.... ​(To ​E​VELYN​) E
​ velyn, what’s 
up? E​VELYN​: Nothing. Not a thing...  
J​ENNY​: I mean, you knew about him hurting himself, 
didn’t you? ​(To ​A​DAM​) P
​ hil said you had a big 
bandage on, so I just figured....  
E​VELYN​: No, Jenny, I saw it. I’m kidding....  
J​ENNY​: Ahh. I couldn’t tell....  
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64 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

E​VELYN​: Sometimes it’s hard to read me. Know 
when I’m joking....  
A​DAM​: Very hard.  
E​VELYN​: It is. But I am...joking, I mean. Adam took a 
bad fall and smashed his nose, but he’s okay 
now...see?  
(She grabs ​A​DAM​’s face and holds it out for ​J​ENNY ​to 
look. ​A​DAM ​pulls away, a bit too quickly.)  
E​VELYN​: ...it healed well, don’t you think?  
J​ENNY​: Yes.  
A​DAM​: Do you guys wanna salad or 
something? I’m hungry....  
E​VELYN​: I’m fine. Jenny...hungry?  
J​ENNY​: I’m okay. ​(To ​A​DAM​) ​Your nose looks...  
how much weight have you lost?  
A​DAM​: Not that much, really.  
​ ​DAM​) I​  
E​VELYN​: Twenty-one pounds. ​(To A
peeked, is that alright?  
(He glares at her; ​J​ENNY ​tries to keep up.)  
J​ENNY​: Peeked?  
E​VELYN​: His journal...a record of his progress that 
he’s keeping. Twenty-one pounds as of...  
A​DAM​: ...last Friday. Yeah.  
J​ENNY​: Really? That’s so cool....  
E​VELYN​: ​Cosmo s​ tory in the making, huh?  
J​ENNY​: Yep.  
A​DAM​: It’s good, yeah, I’ve been keeping at it....  
E​VELYN​: She knows, Adam, she already said 
you’ve “changed.” And I already agreed. We’re 
past that....  
 A​DAM​: Okay, I’m, like, totally lost here....  
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Neil LaBute 65  

E​VELYN​: You’re mentioned in there, too, Jenny.  

J​ENNY​: Where?  
E​VELYN​: Adam’s journal. I mean, it’s a veiled entry but 
I think it’s you....  
A​DAM​: Evelyn...  
E​VELYN​: I peeked twice. ​(To ​J​ENNY​) Y
​ ou’re right next 
to someone known as “cute waitress.”  
J​ENNY​: ​(Cautiously) .​ ..why’s that? I 
mean...Adam? A​DAM​: You’re not. It’s...she’s....  
E​VELYN​: Something about a meeting...and a drive 
after, in your cute little V-dub....  
A​DAM​: What’re you saying?! Jenny, there’s not 
any.... ​(J​ ​ENNY ​picks up her purse and smiles thinly.)  
J​ENNY​: You know what? It’s pretty late, I should get....  
A​DAM​: No, don’t go.... ​(To ​E​VELYN​) ​Why are you 
doing this?  
E​VELYN​: I’m just having coffee. Decaf.  
J​ENNY​: I need to go.  
E​VELYN​: I just wanna talk about the kiss. Why can’t 
we do that?  
(The moment hangs. J​ ​ENNY ​stops short.)  
E​VELYN​: We should just put it out there...I’m very 
open, and I just feel that....  
A​DAM​: This is inappropriate, okay?  
​ ​DAM​) D
J​ENNY​: ​(To A ​ id you tell her about the...?  
E​VELYN​: No, no, he didn’t...Phillip did. We met and 
 he told me all about it, Jenny. What you told him, 
anyway. The rest I got from lover boy’s diary....  
J​ENNY​: ...Adam?  
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66 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

A​DAM​: She’s making that up...she’s....  

E​VELYN​: Am I?  
A​DAM​: Yes!  
E​VELYN​: Then set the record straight...  
A​DAM​: I don’t wanna do this right now.  
E​VELYN​: Seems a touch late for that.  
​ ​VELYN​) ​Phillip told you about our 
J​ENNY​: ​(To E
talk? When? ​(Beat) W ​ hat else did he tell you?  
E​VELYN​: Lots of things...he’s a very chatty guy,  
when you wind him up.  
J​ENNY​: ...I can’t believe it....  
E​VELYN​: Then you’re never gonna believe the rest 
of this....  
A​DAM​: Evelyn, let’s just drop it, okay? If you’re 
angry with me, alright, but this is not....  
E​VELYN​:  We’re  just  talking.  People  need  to  share 
more,  that’s  how  this  stuff  happens,  this  covert stuff, 
because we hide it....  
J​ENNY​: Fine...you want to...go ahead. Adam 
wrote something in his journal, obviously, and I 
told Phil about....  
A​DAM​: Jenny, I didn’t....  
J​ENNY​: What do you wanna hear? We kissed.  
E​VELYN​: No, I knew that...I’m sorry, I’ve confused 
you. I meant about my kiss. With Phillip. That’s the 
 part I wanted to talk about with you guys...I didn’t 
make that clear?  
J​ENNY​: ...what?  
A​DAM​: That’s bullshit....  
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Neil LaBute 67  

E​VELYN​: No, that’s getting even. ​(Beat) ​Unless you 

guys have something else to tell me. Meaning, “the 
drive”...  
A​DAM​: We didn’t go on any....  
J​ENNY​: That’s not true. You didn’t meet Phil....  
E​VELYN​: Ask him.  
J​ENNY​: ...or he would’ve told me...he....  
E​VELYN​: Apparently not.  
J​ENNY​: ...I’m going. I’m going now, ‘kay? ​(Beat)  
I’ll...see you. Adam, I’m....  
​ ou guys are still coming to 
E​VELYN​: ​(Calling to her) Y
my showing, right? Phillip said you would!  
​ ​DAM ​takes a careful sip before speaking. He 
(She is gone. A
turns to ​E​VELYN​, about to speak, when ​J​ENNY ​returns.)  
​ ​VELYN​) H
J​ENNY​: ​(Directly at E ​ ey...look, I don’t know 
why I’m here, I guess I came back to say “I’m sorry.” 
Sorry if I’ve offended you in some way, or done 
something to make you so indifferent to me, cold or 
whatever. And I don’t mean what’s happened, I 
don’t, because I think you’ve been this way the 
whole time I’ve known you. So...sorry I’m not an 
artsy person or cool enough, sorry about that. But as 
far as just ​being a​ person, like, an average-type 
person...I’m pretty okay. I am. ​(Beat) ​That kinda 
came out bad, I mean, dumb, so I’m just 
gonna...yeah. ​(She wanders off.)  
 A​DAM​: ...okay, that was horrible.  
E​VELYN​: Oh, I dunno...I could’ve told her about 
the blow job I gave him. ​(Beat) ​Kidding...  
A​DAM​: No, listen, what you did was shitty, and 
awful and just plain wrong....  
E​VELYN​: As opposed to you two sneaking off 
and making out? Where would that fall on the 
“bad  
behaviour” list...?  
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68 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

A​DAM​: You had no right to do that.  

E​VELYN​: True.  
A​DAM​: Make her feel that way...  
E​VELYN​: She’s got a boyfriend who’s shit. Now 
she knows. Hell, she already knew....  
A​DAM​: It was still wrong to treat her like that! And 
me. E​VELYN​: Yeah, let’s talk about you....  
A​DAM​: Go ahead. You seem raring to go.  
E​VELYN​: You wanna tell me about the rest of your 
date, or should I...?  
A​DAM​: She called me, okay, asked if I could get  
together and talk, you know, about Phil. And them.  
E​VELYN​: And then you made out. Most natural thing 
in the world...  
A​DAM​: Look, I was going to say something...it 
just happened.  
E​VELYN​: That was Hitler’s excuse. Try another 
one... A​DAM​: It was a mistake! Okay? I know 
that....  
 E​VELYN​: And how ​big ​was that mistake? ​(Beat) I​ don’t 
care about what happened. I don’t. I just want the 
truth...I told you about what I did—you think I 
wanted to kiss that guy?—I only did it for the effect. 
But I’m asking you...what else went on? I deserve to 
know.  
A​DAM​: ...nothing.  
E​VELYN​: You’re sticking with that?  
A​DAM​: Yes.  
E​VELYN​: Even if I tell you I know something else 
went on.  
A​DAM​: How could you? It didn’t...and I did not put 
any “drive” in my journal. That was a lie.  
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Neil LaBute 69  

E​VELYN​: No, it was a ​bluff.​ Because I could sense 

​ nd the waitress ​was ​there....  
it.... ​(Beat) A
A​DAM​: I’m telling the truth. About Jenny, I 
mean.... E​VELYN​: I don’t believe you.  
A​DAM​: ...I am!  
E​VELYN​: Then we’ll have to leave it at that. Won’t 
we? ​(They stare at one another. She touches her nose.)  
E​VELYN​: Oh, and glad to hear about your trip...see 
you next fall.  
A​DAM​: That’s a bad joke....  
E​VELYN​: It’s a worse lie....  
A​DAM​: What was I gonna tell them? Huh?  
E​VELYN​: The truth?  
A​DAM​: Come on...I took shit about my new jacket! 
That’s all people say to me any more, “What’s up 
with you? What’s going on?” I can’t exactly spread it 
 around about what I’ve done....  
E​VELYN​: What? You ​fell....  
A​DAM​: What’re we doing here?  
E​VELYN​: I dunno. You tell me....  
A​DAM​: I don’t know. I really don’t....  
E​VELYN​: Are you tired of me? ‘S that it?  
A​DAM​: God, no! Are you nuts?!  
E​VELYN​: Then I don’t get it...I don’t wanna 
sound old-fashioned here, but you’re a step 
away from fucking around on me....  
A​DAM​: I would never do that....  
E​VELYN​: No, you would never do that with ​her,​  
and mostly because she wouldn’t. I know the 
type, she  
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70 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

needed a shoulder, well, what the hell, why not a 

kiss while she’s at it, and maybe a quick hand job. 
Who knows? But she’s not gonna screw you and 
you probably wouldn’t be able to get it up, anyway, 
because he’s your best “bud.” ​(Beat) B​ ut lemme ask 
you, Adam, if it hadn’t been her, if it’d been, oh, 
say that “cute waitress” the other night....  
​ ​DAM ​looks away; E
(A ​ ​VELYN ​doesn’t let up.)  
E​VELYN​: ...didn’t think I caught that, did you? 
The chatty-chat and the extra three bucks on the 
tip.  
A​DAM​: ...that was nothing.  
E​VELYN​: It’s never anything. Until it’s 
something.... ​(Beat) ​If it’d been her instead...out 
on that drive....  
A​DAM​: ...we-didn’t-go-for-a....  
 E​VELYN​: ...whatever. But if she’d been there 
instead, then what? Just ask yourself.  
A​DAM​: Jesus, next you’re gonna tell me the  
handkerchief with the strawberries on it is 
missing.... E​VELYN​: I don’t know that reference.  
​ velyn, 
A​DAM​: Don’t worry about it. ​(Pleads) E
please... ​(She smiles and begins more gently.)  
E​VELYN​: I just wanna know where we stand...  
I thought I could trust you.  
A​DAM​: You can!  
E​VELYN​: She’s your friend’s fiancée, Adam.  
I’m your girlfriend...where’s the trust in that?  
(He takes her hand suddenly.)  
A​DAM​: I’ll do anything you want. Okay? I know what 
I did was wrong, I do, I messed up but I’ve never 
done that before. Lied to a person I was going out 
with...shit, I haven’t even gone out with someone for 
the two years  
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Neil LaBute 71  

before we met! So, tell me what to do and I’ll do 

it... I just, I just don’t wanna lose you.  
E​VELYN​: You’re sure...?  
A​DAM​: I am so sure. I love you....  
E​VELYN​: I told you, that’s a big word....  
A​DAM​: ...and I’m using it. I do, completely.  
E​VELYN​: Anything I say?  
A​DAM​: Anything.  
E​VELYN​: ​(Without emotion) ​Give them up. As friends, 
both of them. No explanation. Don’t see them or 
speak to them again. Not ever.  
A​DAM​: ...huh?  
E​VELYN​: That’s what I want. That’s the proof to 
me about how you feel....  
A​DAM​: Evelyn...that’s....  
E​VELYN​: One should always be careful when asking 
to be put to a test....  
A​DAM​: ...Jesus Christ...  
E​VELYN​: So, what’s it gonna be, Adam?  
A​DAM​: And if I don’t...?  
E​VELYN​:  Pretty  much  like  these  things  end.  I 
mean,  in  life,  at  least...if  this  was  a  movie, I’d see 
the  light  eventually,  but  no  such  luck.  Final 
answer?  
​ ​DAM ​stares at her for a long moment.)  
(A
A​DAM​: ...I choose you.  
(She pulls him close and kisses him for a long time.)  
E​VELYN​: You choose well, grasshopper....  
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402-630-0823 ​72 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

(The auditorium)  

(Gorgeous Art-Deco affair, with rich carpets and sconces on 

the wall. Framed posters of theater productions and 
concerts.)  
 ​ H
(P ​ ILLIP ​standing around, dressed up and Ray-Bans on 
his head. ​A​DAM ​enters, smartly dressed and wearing his 
new jacket reversed. He sees P​ ​HILLIP ​and tries to go the 
other way.)  
P​HILLIP​: ...Adam, hey. ​(Spots jacket) ​Ahoy...  
​ ey, Phil. How’s it going?  
A​DAM​: ​(Looking around) H
P​HILLIP​: You know, okay. So, what, you don’t take 
my calls now?  
A​DAM​: No, I’ve been...I mean....  
P​HILLIP​: ’S okay, I understand. The whole...thing...  
A​DAM​: Nah, it’s just been busy lately. At work 
and stuff...  
P​HILLIP​: Yeah. Whatever.  
A​DAM​: Seriously. ​(Beat) I​ need to get a seat....  
P​HILLIP​: Hold on, hey...where’s the fire?  
A​DAM​: ​(Nervously) ​I just wanna...good spot. 
​ here’s Jenny?  
(Beat) W
P​HILLIP​: Funny.  
A​DAM​: What?  
P​HILLIP​: Man, come on...we broke up. Broke it 
off, whatever. You knew that.  
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Neil LaBute 73  

A​DAM​: What? No, I, when...?  

P​HILLIP​: Like, two weeks ago...right after...you 
know. And I’m sorry about that. I was pissed off, 
but,  
I mean...no call for that “eye for an eye” shit.  
A​DAM​: ...it’s okay. But you and Jenny’re...? I 
can’t believe that.  
 P​HILLIP​:  Believe  it.  ​(Beat)  ​She  came  over  one  day, 
after  seeing  you  guys,  I  guess,  and  that  was  it.  The 
ring off, took her C Ds back and gone.  
A​DAM​: ...I’m sorry.  
P​HILLIP​: Listen, no hard feelings...I was looking to 
get out, you know that. But once you start making 
those plans, you know, like picking out ​napkins a​ nd 
​ ou 
shit, it’s almost easier to just do the thing! ​(Beat) Y
did me a favour, really...too young to get hitched.  
A​DAM​: I don’t know what to say....  
P​HILLIP​: Don’t worry about it. ​(Beat) ​You haven’t 
seen her lately, have you? Jenny, I mean....  
A​DAM​: No...  
P​HILLIP​: ’Kay. Anyway, this oughta be good, huh?!  
(They share a light laugh. ​J​ENNY ​walks up the aisle, 
sees them and goes for a seat.)  
A​DAM​: Jenny, hi...  
J​ENNY​: Oh, Adam...hello. Hi, Phil.  
P​HILLIP​: Hey.  
A​DAM​: I’m sorry about...you guys....  
J​ENNY​: ​(Glaring at ​P​HILLIP​) B
​ oy, you just can’t 
keep anything to yourself, can you?  
P​HILLIP​: What?  
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74 THE SHAPE OF THINGS  

J​ENNY​: You never change...that’s what. ​(She starts 

to walk off but stops, turning back around.) ​Oh, and 
Phil?  
P​HILLIP​: Yeah?  
J​ENNY​: You don’t really ​need ​sunglasses at night....  
(She smiles and moves off, taking a place down front. 
A​DAM ​and ​P​HILLIP ​watch her go; ​P​HILLIP ​cursing 
quietly to himself.)  
A​DAM​: What’s she...?  
P​HILLIP​: It’s not, like, totally ​official ​yet...ahh, 
fuck, what’re you gonna do?  
​ ​DAM ​looks up.)  
(The lights flicker twice. A
A​DAM​: We should find a place to....  
P​HILLIP​: ​(Looking) ​There’s two over there.  
A​DAM​: Umm...maybe we shouldn’t....  
P​HILLIP​: ...got it. Whatever. Take care, man.  
(He wanders off. ​A​DAM ​watches him go, then moves down 
to find a place to sit.)  
(The house lights flicker, theatrical lights up. After a 
moment, ​E​VELYN ​[Dressed up for her] enters crisply on 
stage and smiles. Two large easels tower on either side of 
her.)  
E​VELYN​: Good evening. Thank you for coming out 
tonight—it’s the middle of finals and I’m sure this is 
not how most of you would choose to spend your 
time away from campus...​on c​ ampus. So, I promise to 
make this presentation as quick and painless as 
possible and get you back home as swiftly as I can. 
The  
accompanying visual portion of this graduate thesis 
project is currently under review but will hopefully 
be available in the exhibition gallery down the hall 
for your perusal next week, so if you don’t stay 
tonight for punch and cookies, ummm, please stop by 
and take a look at your convenience. ​(Smiles) ​Okay, 
that’s the