Discover, Embrace and Fulfill

Your Personal Needs

THAIS GIBSON
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Exercise 1: Ranking your 6 Basic Human Needs

Purpose: To determine the order and hierarchy of the needs that are driving your
behaviour.

Discovery: Refer to the list of 6 basic human needs in the back of your workbook and
on a scale of 1-10 beside each one rank them in terms of what is most important to
you in each category.

Rank your basic human needs below based on the importance score you gave it.

My Basic Human Needs List

1. Growth 9
2. Love and Connection 8
3. Certainty 8
4. Significance 6
5. Contribution 7
6. Uncertainty 7

Integration: Use this list for self reflection and awareness of which basic needs drive
your behaviours on a subconscious level.

© The Personal Development School 2020

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Exercise 2: Discovering Your Personality Needs

Purpose: Once you identify your personality needs you will learn to better
understand yourself, your needs in relationships and how to use your emotions as
feedback to stay regulated. This will also enable you to create more fulfillment in
your life by filling your needs buckets daily.

Discovery:

Step 1: Answer all of the following questions. List the top 4 answers for each in the
table beneath each question.

Step 2: Once you have filled out your top 4 answers for each question, go to the
Subconscious Personality Needs at the back of the workbook and beside each
answer write down which Subconscious Personality Need you feel it relates to. Fill
this out in the table of each question below.

The key to this exercise is to understand your “why” behind these activities. Your
brain is a needs-meeting machine. Every decision or behavioral pattern is an
attempt to get a need met directly or indirectly.

Be as specific as possible when you answer these questions. For example, if your
answer is “books” or “tv shows,” write the pattern behind the type of show. Ex. Reality
TV: emotional connection needs (because you feel emotionally connected to the
characters in the TV show).

Reminder: These needs are the streams that lead back into the river of our basic
human (primary) needs. They are the strategies we build the most positive
associations > negative associations regarding getting our basic human needs met.

For each question below I have given an example of the personality need in brackets
(Step 2 from above)

1. What are the patterns behind where you think about the most? Why? What needs
are your thoughts connected to meeting? (Ex: Items for comfort (comfort), personal
growth books (personal growth), social commitments (social connection), writing,
(creativity) organization (security))

Answer Personality Need Answer Personality Need

HOUSE STUFF comfort/security EX BOYFRIEND social/fun/emotional connect
WRITING creative/express/achieve/fun LIFE spiritual

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2. What patterns exist within what you spend your free time doing? Why? What
needs do these things meet? (Ex: writing (creativity), painting (creativity),
researching politics, history and science (learning), with friends (social))

Answer Personality Need Answer Personality Need

WRITING create/express/acheive/fun FRIENDS/MEET UP emotional connect/fun
TV/FB fun/emotional connect BOOKS grow spirit/health/relation

3. What are the patterns behind how you spend your money? Why? What needs do
these things meet? (Ex: Bills (security), Car payment (approval), going out (social),
clothes (approval)

Answer Personality Need Answer Personality Need

FOOD DRINK fun/social BILLS security/
CLOTHES social/acceptance/power HOUSE comfort
SCRIPT/NOVEL achieve/create/fun
4. Where do you consistently show up effectively without the need for pressure or
encouragement? Why? What needs is your subconscious naturally trying to meet?
Why? What needs is your subconscious naturally trying to meet? (Ex: Social
commitments (social connection), Close friendships (emotional connection), Bills
(security), my morning routine (personal growth)

Answer Personality Need Answer Personality Need

BILLS security TV/FB fun/social/emotional connect
WRITING create/express/achieve/fun TALK/TEXT social/emotional connect

5. What triggers you about the world or other people the most? Why? What needs
exist behind this trigger that are important to you and are being violated? Ex.
Racism (social justice), When people abandon their children (emotional connection,
family), when people are lazy (achievement)

Answer Personality Need Answer Personality Need

LAZY achievment POLITICS society/fairness
ENVIRONMENT survival/care ANIMAL harm to society/life

6. What patterns exist within what makes you discuss most with others, or what
makes you come alive in conversation? Why? What are you naturally passionate
about that you are trying to engage others in? Ex. Business (Career), Finance
(Wealth Building), Politics (Social Justice)

Answer Personality Need Answer Personality Need

POLITICS social justice/fairness FOOD DRINK fun/hunger
GUYS romance/social AGGRAVATIONS, connect/destress

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7. What topics do you naturally learn about or gravitate towards? Why? What needs
does your brain naturally get met through exploring these topics? Ex. Cars
(Building), Politics (Social Justice), Money (Wealth Building, Security)

Answer Personality Need Answer Personality Need

RELATIONSHIP emotional connect/ SCRIPT/NOVELS create/fun/achieve
ANIMALS /ENVIR knowledge MONEY security

8. What are the four non-negotiable needs your ideal life would have to have within
them? Why? What does this say about your personal needs? (Ex. Financial Freedom
(freedom), Loving family (family), Animals (emotional connection)

Answer Personality Need Answer Personality Need

FAMILY/FRIENDS /connection FINANCIAL FREEDON security
TRAVEL fun/novelty WRITING achieve/create/fun

9. What are the patterns in your behavior for how you naturally prioritize your life?
Identify the needs that align with this. (Ex. Family first (family, emotional
connection), Career commitments > social commitments (career), personal growth
time daily (personal growth)

Answer Personality Need Answer Personality Need

JOB security PERSONAL GROWTH growth
WRITING achievement/create/fun FOOD DRINK social/fun
FRIENDS/FAMILY connection
Tally Up Your Top 5 Answers Here

Answer Times Chosen

achievement/create/fun
love connection
security
growth
connection
HOUSE -2 security/comfort
FOOD DRINK 2 connect/fun
Integration: The purpose of tallying which personality needs show up the most in
the answers to your questions is to determine the hierarchy of what your
subconscious mind prioritizes for happiness, interest, and behavioral output. The
hierarchy of your personality needs translates to what your subconscious views as
most important and fulfilling. This will allow you to understand what drives you at a
deeper subconscious level and use this to create more resonance between your
conscious goals and deeper subconscious drivers.

© The Personal Development School 2020

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Exercise 3: Healthy Habits & Conscious Strategies to Meet Needs

Purpose: The purpose of this exercise is to bring awareness of what tertiary (surface
level, daily) needs your mind uses to get its deeper, subconscious needs met. You
can then implement this awareness in your daily life to ask for your needs in
relationships, to regulate and understand what’s important to you and to create
supportive strategies for understanding yourself and sharing yourself with others.

Discovery Part One - Directions:

1. Circle top 15 Needs from the Tertiary Needs List at the back of your workbook.
2. Rate yourself: how effective have you been at getting these met out of 10?
3. Write a strategy to support yourself in getting these needs met.
4. Track your needs in the PM. (How was I at meeting these needs for myself
today? How was I at communicating these needs to others today? etc.)
5. Ask yourself throughout the day: “What do I feel? What do I need?”

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Discovery Part Two: For the chart below, keep in mind the importance of going
directly to the source of the need with a conscious strategy.
Top 15 Tertiary Needs with Rating of 1-2 Strategies to Get Them Met
How Fulfilled they feel /10 (by self or others to increase fulfillment
score /10)
Example: Self Development -Meditate, take online course, journal

1.
self-development 7-8 /10 read/courses/talk/think
2.
progress 7-8 /10 set goals/push self, do it
3.
to create 8-9 /10 write a lot/paint
4.
to nurture 7-8 /10 cats/hugs/closeness touch/support words
5.
travel 6 /10
short trips/long trips
6.
humor 7-8 /10
TV/write/friends/BF
7.
communication 7-8 friends/family/BF/social media
/10
8.
intimacy 6-7 /10 us time/cuddles/sharing emotions
9.
independence 8 /10 do things myself/carve time for myself
10.
safety 8 /10 house/locks/scissors/money/safety nets
11.
feel known 7 /10 talk friends/family/social media
12.
be understood 6-7 /10 i see you/listening/echoing me
13.
compassion 7-8 /10 give to community/friends/family/BF
14.
playfulness 7-8 /10
silly with frinds/family/BF/social media
15.
stability 8 /10 same job, house, same car, money saved/RM

Integration: The purpose of the exercise below is to create conscious strategies for
being able to meet your needs and check in with how much you are “filling your
needs buckets” on a daily basis. This will allow you to feel more empowered and
fulfilled.

It is recommended that you reflect on this daily for five minutes in the morning or
evening to check in with yourself.

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Refer to your Top 5 Personality Needs from Exercise 2 & Create Conscious Daily
Strategies to Meet Them.

Subconscious Personality Need Daily Strategies or Habits to Fill Need

“Bucket”
Example: Comfort - Cozy environment, comfy clothes,
candles, blankets etc.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Exercise 4: Healthy Habit: Practicing Awareness of YOUR Feelings & Needs in Real
Time.

Purpose: The purpose of this exercise is to become aware of your needs in real time.
When you feel negative emotion, the goal is to be able to go inwards and
understand what that negative emotion is communicating to you and how you can
address the unmet need in order to transform it. Through this, you will be able to
establish the relationship between your feelings and your needs. You will also create
strategies to start making changes daily in real time.

Review: Remember that the root causes of negative emotions is when your needs
are not being met or you are telling yourself a painful story.

© The Personal Development School 2020

I feel BLANK because of BLANK. I need BLANK. It is important becuase BLANK 9
This is how we can do that BLANK
Discovery:

1. Refer to the “Subconscious Needs List” as well as the “Major Emotions and Their
Opposites List” at the end of the workbook. Write down the patterns of negative
emotions you feel most often. What situations spur these emotions for you? (Ex. I
often feel stressed when I am rushing…. I often feel angry when I am interrupted etc.)

I often feel: (Insert Feeling from emotions list) _____________________________when I’m

____________________________________. (Ex. I often feel anxious when I’m running late.)

2. What do you need in order to feel better in this situation? (Refer to the tertiary
needs list) You can choose multiple needs. (Ex. I need acceptance when I’m running
late, as I become afraid people will be angry at me.)

I need _____________________________________________________________________________.

3. What is your strategy to get this need met? (Ex. I can ask for patience from
someone or express an apology for being late through communication).

I could get this need met by _______________________________________________________.

/I AM SMART, THANKS-

Integration: Check back with your needs chart at the end of the day. Did you commit
to at least one strategy to improve the fulfillment of your needs today? What can
you improve upon tomorrow?

© The Personal Development School 2020

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Exercise 5: Basic Steps to Conflict Communication

Purpose: By completing this exercise you will learn to express your needs and
internal experiences more effectively to those around you, empowering you to get
your needs met and feel understood.

Discovery: Try to think of the last time you felt triggered by someone.

Reference the “Core Wounds” chart for personal interpretations you might be
receiving when someone said or did something that made you feel triggered.

1. Begin by validating the other person’s emotions or stepping around their potential
fears (core wounds). This is a necessity for them to be out of “defense” mode and
properly hear you.

Example: I really appreciate you and am not criticizing you in any way but want to
share something I felt so I do not internalize it….
_____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________.

A. FEELINGS:

Upset. attack on me.

When this situation happened, I felt/interpreted it as ______________________________
putting me down/made stupid or not hearing me
(insert emotion from emotions list OR core belief interpretation from core belief list).
anger. frustrated, annoyed.

B. NEEDS:

to be respected. To be heard.
I needed ________________________________________________________. This can be met
stating, you are not being respectful of me.
by _________________________________________________________________________________.
I don’t feel listening. I don’t feel heard by you.
(BE AS SPECIFIC AS POSSIBLE). If the need is validation, what kind of validation? If

it’s for support, What TYPE of support? For example: a hug, for someone to

compliment your hard work, etc. Refer to the list of Tertiary Needs.

BEST when your love language and personality needs are being met at same time from partner.

What are your expectation, what are your needs? Check in weekly. Have they changed?

© The Personal Development School 2020

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Exercise 6: Transforming Self-Sabotage Exercise

Purpose: This exercise will better help you to understand outdated strategies (likely
with strong downsides) that your brain uses to get its needs met. By understanding
what is actually happening when this takes place, you will be able to create
conscious, healthier strategies (with little or no downsides) to get your needs met.
You will be able to program in positive emotional associations to the new strategies
and negative associations to the old strategies, speeding up the subconscious
transformation process when it comes to meeting your needs.

Discovery:

Choose a Self-Sabotage Behavior (e.g. avoiding studying): __________________________.

What am I doing as a result? (e.g. watching excess television) _______________________.

1. Subconscious Needs You Are 2. How/Where you can retrieve these

Trying to Meet Through this same benefits via updated needs-
Behavior (Personality Needs or meeting strategies:
Tertiary Needs):

3. Positive Associations to New 4. Negative Consequences (If I don’t

Strategies: Change) My Original Patterns):

Integration: When you start self sabotaging redo this exercise if you haven’t used this
specific behaviour to help define and practice updated strategies for your needs.

© The Personal Development School 2020

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Additional Materials, Lists and References

Basic Human Needs

1 1. Growth - the desire to grow or expand in any area of life.

2. Contribution - the desire to give or serve.

3. Significance - the desire to feel recognized, important, and/or meaningful.

4. Uncertainty - the desire for change, novelty, and exploration.

5. Love and Connection - the desire to feel and express love and or closeness.

6. Certainty - the desire to feel safe and secure.

Subconscious Personality Needs List

Secondary Strategies to Get Primary Needs Met

Our personality needs are the needs that we organize our personality around. They
impact our decisions, behavior, emotions, and feelings of connection with others.
These are the most common personality needs. These needs can link in one or
multiple ways to our six basic human needs above.

They are like the streams leading back into the river.
I think about money and bills I think about improve health, food, groceries,
I think about life growth, spirit I think about family, friends, pets a lot.
45 Common Subconscious Personality Needs List

• Approval • Wealth • Novelty

• Spirituality • Attention • Nature
• Health • Service • Fitness
• Romantic Relationships • Personal Growth • Achievement
• Helpfulness • Emotional Connection • Materialism
• Adventure • Autonomy • Discovery
• Community • Teaching • Power
• Exploration • Control • Leadership
• Social Justice • Communication • Beauty
• Education • Religion • Knowledge
• Comfort • Freedom • Recognition
• Competition • Career Growth
• Connection • Security
• Learning • Expression
• Family • Creativity
• Status • Social
• Entertainment • Fun

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List of Tertiary Needs (needs that can take place in the moment)

Connection Needs Certainty Needs Cont’d. Growth Needs Significance

Acceptance Safety Self-Development Needs
Affection Structure/Routine Self-Realization Empowerme
Appreciation Order Progress nt
Belonging Stability Opportunity Competence
Cooperation Support Expansiveness Belief
Communication Food Integration Meaning
Closeness Movement/exercise Awareness Effectiveness
Companionship Rest/sleep Challenge To feel
Compassion Trust To Understand known
Consideration Peace To see and be
Consistency seen
Equality Uncertainty Needs Contribution Needs To be
Empathy Movement To give understood
Inclusion Change To create (all forms) Admiration
Harmony Stimulation To write Participation
Intimacy Spontaneity To nurture Infatuation
Love Sexual Expression To assist Purpose
Mutuality Experience To be present Validation
Nurturing Travel To support To matter
Respect/self-respect Discovery Presence Authenticity
Touch Inspiration Integrity
Warmth Beauty
Sex Joy
Playfulness
Certainty Needs Humor
Choice Flow
Autonomy
Independence
Space/Boundaries

These are the tiniest streams leading back to the bigger streams, then back to the
rivers. These needs are too “momentary” for a personality to be organized around.
Yet they can be repetitive and show up often as strategies to meet our Personality
Needs.

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Major Emotions and Their Opposites1

Abandoned – Adopted, Cherished, Defended Insecure – At Ease, Calm, Collected, Composed

Afraid – Brave, Calm, Composed, Fearless Horrified – Brave, Calm, Fearless
Alone – Together Hurt – Happy, Pleased
Annoyed – Gratified, Pleased Lazy – Active, Careful, Attentive, Energetic
Anxious – Brave, Calm, Collected Lethargic – Alert, Active, Animated, Lively
Ashamed – Calm, Confident, Happy, Joyful Lonely – Populated, Close, Loved, Sociable
Betrayed – Assisted, Helped, Loyal, Faithful Uncertain – Sure, Confident, Predictable
Blamed – Approval, Praise Lost – Seen, Alive, Attentive, Aware
Bored – Energized, Refreshed Offended – Flattered, Praised, Complimented
Burdened – Unloaded Outraged – Calm, Relaxed, Happy
Cheated – Faithful, Fair Pressured – Free, Left Alone, At Ease
Concerned – Calm, Collected, Composed Punished – Cleared, Released, Exonerated
Confused – Clear, Composed, Organized Trapped – Free
Crazy – Balanced, Calm, Collected, Sane Rage – Calm, Love, Peace, Indifference
Heaviness – Thinness, Light Rebellious – Happy, Obedient, Compliant
Despair – Hope, Joy Regret – Comfort, Content, Delight, Joy
Devastated – Create, Construct, Guarded, Protected Rejected – Cherished
Disappointed – Calm, Cheerful, Comforted, Resentment – Delight, Happy, Connected, Free
Encouraged
Sadness – Cheer, Happiness, Joy
Disgusted – Attracted, Delighted, Pleased
Scared - Bold, Brave, Cool, Courageous
Doubt – Belief, Calm, Clarity, Certainty, Confidence
Self Conscious – Calm, Comfortable, Confident,
Helpless – Able, Capable, Fit, Powerful Easy
Embarrassed – Composed Shame – Pride, Approval, Esteem, Honor,
Respect
Empty – full
Silly – Intelligent, Mature
Exhausted – Able, Active, Energized, Strong
Suffering – Ease, Calm, Relief, Joy
Guilty – Innocent, Right, Moral, Good
Worried – Calm, Comforted, Happy, Relaxed
Impatient – Easygoing, Controlled, Patient, Tolerant
Wary – Certain, Careless
Inadequate – Able, Abundant, Capable, Enough

© The Personal Development School 2020

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Core Wounds Chart

These are common interpretations we make when we cannot emotionally process a

painful experience. These are often the interpretations that are taking place at the
deepest level of one’s subconscious mind, existing as a “belief-based” story about
oneself.

I am not enough I am abandoned/alone I am unloved

I am bad I am weak I am unsafe
I am stupid I am unworthy I am helpless
I am unseen/I am I do not matter/am Something is wrong with
unheard unimportant me
I do not belong I am disliked I am misunderstood
I am disconnected I am excluded I am disrespected
I am rejected I am trapped/stuck I am powerless/no control

© The Personal Development School 2020

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References

Reference: I developed the Subconscious Personality Needs after marrying aspects

of Tony Robbins’1 research of the six basic human needs with Dr. John Demartini’s 2
research of teleology and values. The discovery of the link between these two, along
with the subconscious component and our tertiary needs (inspired by the Centre for
Non-Violent Communication) is an original analysis that is supported by my case
studies with a sample size of over 1000 individuals.

1
“Achieve Your Goals Faster with Results Coaching.” tonyrobbins.com. Accessed September 29, 2019.
https://www.tonyrobbins.com/coaching/results-coaching/.
2
Kalvari, Damon, Rhonda Byrne, Rick Yune, Brian Walsh, Harold Daniels, and Damon Kalvari. “Demartini Method.” Dr John Demartini.
Accessed September 2019. https://drdemartini.com/about/demartini-method/.

© The Personal Development School 2020