Scribd
Upload
4K views2 pages

66 Silly Jokes and Some of The Funniest One-Liners

This document contains a collection of 65 one-line jokes and puns playing on words. Some examples include jokes about occupations like lawyers wearing lawsuits or a plumber's daughter giving a heart wrench, animals like a coconut wearing sunglasses on holiday or seagulls flying over the sea becoming bagels, and common sayings given a twist like a door not being a door when it's ajar or a guided mussel referring to a compass and shellfish. The jokes and puns make use of homophones and double meanings to deliver humorous one-liners.

Uploaded by

KS
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
4K views2 pages

66 Silly Jokes and Some of The Funniest One-Liners

This document contains a collection of 65 one-line jokes and puns playing on words. Some examples include jokes about occupations like lawyers wearing lawsuits or a plumber's daughter giving a heart wrench, animals like a coconut wearing sunglasses on holiday or seagulls flying over the sea becoming bagels, and common sayings given a twist like a door not being a door when it's ajar or a guided mussel referring to a compass and shellfish. The jokes and puns make use of homophones and double meanings to deliver humorous one-liners.

Uploaded by

KS
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
You are on page 1/ 2

Funniest one-liners:

1. Add insult to injury, sign someone’s cast.


2. You mustn’t spell part backwards. It’s a trap.
3. 6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.
4. If you need help building an ark, I Noah guy.
5. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
6. One exotic bird can’t make a pun but toucan.
7. Just when you think you’ve got a good life, it’s broken.
8. Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
9. I’m suffering from schizophrenia, but I’m good people.
10. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s on my list.
11. I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
12. What do dogs do when watching a DVD? Press paws.
13. I wanted to be a doctor but I didn’t have the patients.
14. I went to a seafood disco and I ended up pulling a mussel.
15. Two WiFi engineers got married. The reception was fantastic.
16. How do scientists freshen their breath? With experi-mints!
17. My wife’s bakery burned down last night. Her business is toast.
18. What did one wall say to the other? I’ll meet you at the corner!
19. I bought my gun from a guy called T-Rex. He was a small arms dealer.
20. I got fired from my job as a set designer. So I left without making a scene.
21. What’s the easiest way to burn 2,000 calories? You leave a tray of Brownies in the oven whilst
you’re taking a nap.
22. A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. He says, ‘Uno,
dos…” and poof! He disappeared without a tres.
23. How do rabbits travel? By hareplanes.
24. What kind of music do planets like? Neptunes.
25. How do you count cows? With a cow-culator.
26. What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.
27. When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar.
28. What do cows most like to read? Cattle-logs.
29. What do lawyers wear to work? Lawsuits.
30. I was going to tell a pizza joke but it’s too cheesy.
31. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
32. I’m on a whisky diet and I’ve lost three days already.
33. How do you tell if a vampire’s sick? Check if he’s coffin.
34. How many people are buried in the cemetery? All of them.
35. What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A father-in-law.
36. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
37. The cannibal arrived late for the buffet, so he was given the cold shoulder.
38. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
39. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
40. Are people born with photographic memories, or does it take time to develop?
41. Why did the girl give her pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse.
42. What makes long division such hard work? All those numerals you have to carry.
43. I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow and when I woke up my pillow was gone.
44. Cinderella tried out for the basketball team at High School, but she kept running away from the
ball.
45. What do you call a sad cow? A blue moo.
46. What has a bottom at the top? Your legs.
47. How can you see flying saucers? Trip up a waiter.
48. What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality.
49. Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
50. What did the cake say to the fork? You want a piece of me?
51. Who ruled France until he exploded? Napoleon Blownapart.
52. Why did the bee start talking poetry? It was waxing lyrical.
53. Why don’t melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
54. Who went into the tiger’s den and came out alive? The tiger.
55. How does fast light travel? The same way that slow light travels.
56. What do you get if you cross a crocodile with a camera? A snapshot.
57. What’s the longest piece of furniture in the world? A multiplication table.
58. What do you get if you cross a hula dancer with a boxer? A Hawaiian punch.
59. What did the waiter say to the skunk? Sorry, I can’t take your odour.
60. She was only a plumber’s daughter, but she sure gave my heart a wrench.
61. What’s brown and hairy and wears sunglasses? A coconut on holiday.
62. What do you get if you cross a compass with a shellfish? A guided mussel.
63. Why did the robber jump in the bathtub? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
64. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
65. What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine? Give me my quarterback.
66. Why is a room full of married people empty? Because there isn’t a single person in it.

You might also like