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CLARK UNIVERSITY
Difficult Dialogues
Difficult Dialogues
What’s Happening

…it is now connection that is the key. A well-connected citizenry is made up of men and
women who discuss and debate ideas and issues among themselves and who constantly test
the validity of the information and impressions they receive from one another—as well as the
ones they receive from their government.
— Al Gore

In true dialogue, both sides are willing to change.

Recourse to arms and violence has not only led to incalculable material damage, but also
fomented hatred and increased the causes of tension. The arrogance of power must be
countered with reason, force with dialogue, pointed weapons with outstretched hands, evil
with good.
— Pope John Paul II
What is dialogue ?
For some, dialogue is a focused and intentional conversation, a space of civility and equality
in which those who differ may listen and speak together. For others it is a way of being—
mindful and creative relating. In dialogue, we seek to set aside fears, preconceptions, the need
to win ; we take time to hear other voices and possibilities. Dialogue can encompass tensions
and paradoxes, and in so doing, new ideas—collective wisdom—may arise. Diana Chapman
Walsh describes it this way :
It’s when we let our guard down and allow our differences and doubts to surface and interact
that something authentic and original can begin to emerge, tentatively, in the spaces between
us. And I’ve found that it’s often in these fleeting and complicated moments that the heart and
mind can come into synchrony, pointing to altogether novel educational possibilities. The key
is to remain alert to those moments and to move with them when they arise.
We know that the most effective process for discovering these layers of meaning is through
interactive and iterative dialogues and that if we undertake them sincerely and openly—and
patiently—we can sometimes find our way to something entirely new. We assume that
individual voices speak and act for the system as a whole, and we listen carefully or a variety
of voices and the competing values they represent.
DEFINITIONS OF DIALOGUE
From David Bohm On Dialogue
« Dialogue » comes from the Greek word dialogos . Logos means ‘the word’, or in our case
we would think of ‘the meaing of the word’. And dia means through’—it doesn’t mean
‘two’…. The picture or image that this derivation suggests is of a stream of meaning flowing
among and through and between us. This will make possible a flow of meaning in the whole
group, out of which may emerge some new understanding. It’s something new, which may
not have been in the starting point at all. It’s something creative. And this shared meaning is
the ‘glue’ or ‘cement’ that holds people and societies together.
The object of a dialogue is not to analyze things, or to win an argument, or to exchange
opinions. Rather, it is to suspend your opinions and to look at the opinions—to listen to
everybody’s opinions, to suspend them, and to see what all that means…. We can just simply
share the appreciation of the meanings, and out of this whole thing, truth emerges
unannounced—not that we have chosen it.
Everything can move between us. Each person is participating, is partaking of the whole
meaning of the group and also taking part in it. We can call that a true dialogue.
Dialogue is the collective way of opening up judgments and assumptions.
From Paolo Freire Pedagogy of the Oppressed
Dialogue is the encounter between men, mediated by the world, in order to name the world.
Hence, dialogue cannot occur between those who want to name the world and those who do
not wish this naming – between those who deny others the right to speak their word and
those whose right to speak has been denied them.
From William Isaacs Dialogue and the Art of Thinking Together
Dialogue… is a conversation with a center, not sides. It is a way of taking the energy of our
differences and channeling it toward something that has never been created before. It lifts us
out of polarization and into a greater common sense, and is thereby a means for accessing the
intelligence and coordinated power of groups of people.
The roots of the word dialogue come from the Greek words dia and logos . Dia mean
‘through’ ; logos translates to ‘word’ or ‘meaning’. In essence, a dialogue is a flow of
meaning . But it is more than this too. In the most ancient meaning of the word, logos meant
‘to gather together’, and suggested an intimate awareness of the relationships among things in
the natural world. In that sense, logos may be best rendered in English as ‘relationship’. The
Book of John in the New Testament begins : « In the beginning was the Wrod ( logos ) ». We
could now hear this a « In the beginning was the Relationship. »
To take it one step further, dialogue is a conversation in which people think together in
relationship. Thinking together implies that you no longer take your own position as final.
You relax your grip on certainty and listen to possibilities that result simply from being in
relationship with others – possibilities that might not otherwise have occurred.
To listen respectfully to others, to cultivate and speak your own voice, to suspend your
opinions about
Others—these bring out the intelligence that lives at the very center of ourselves—the
intelligence that exists when we are alert of possibilities around us and thinking freshly.
From Jon Kabat-Zinn Coming to Our Senses
…we speak of dialogue as the outer counterpart to the inward cultivation of moment-to-
moment non-judgmental awareness, or mindfulness…. No one needs to dominate in a
dialogue, and indeed, it would cease being a dialogue at that point if one person or group
attempted to control it. We watch the arising of and listen to the voicing of ideas, opinions,
thoughts and feelings, and drink them all in in a spirit of deep inquiry and intentionality, much
as we do in resting in awareness in formal meditation practice, allowing it all to be treated as
equally valid of at least being seen, heard and known without editing, censoring, vetting, or
rejecting. A greater intelligence that seems to reside in the group but is not in any one person
often emerges, surprisingly, and with it a deeper collective understanding as a direct
consequence of such spaciousness and openheartedness.
From Bruce Mallory and Nancy Thomas When the Medium is the Message
…the need for inclusive forms of sustained and civil dialogue has become paramount… By
this we mean inter-group and interpersonal conversations in which those present are granted
an equal voice at the table, regardless of their formal status within the institution. And those at
the table need to be engaged for a length of time sufficient to interrogate, deliberate and
communicate. By consciously moving away from the win-lose model of traditional debate to
a more equitable, safe and sustained approach to problem-solving, we can foster both ethical
principles and democratic governance.
From Patricia Romney The Art of Dialogue
Dialogue is focused conversation, engaged in intentionally with the goal of increasing
understanding,
Addressing problems, and questioning thoughts and actions. It engages the heart as well as the
mind. It is different from ordinary, everyday conversation in that dialogue has a focus and a
purpose…. Dialogue, unlike debate or even discussion, is as interested in the relationship(s)
between the participants as it is in the topic or theme being explored. Ultimately, real dialogue
presupposes an openness to modify deeply held convictions.
The raising of questions, what I have called elsewhere the spirit of wonder, is a sine qua non
of dialogue. Living in the questions is a good place to begin.
From Diana Chapman Walsh Trustworthy Leadership
It’s when we let our guard down and allow our differences and doubts to surface and interact
that something authentic and original can begin to emerge, tentatively, in the spaces between
us.
And I’ve found that it’s often in these fleeting and complicated moments that the heart and
mind can come into synchrony, pointing to altogether novel educational possibilities. The key
is to remain alert to those moments and to move with them when they arise.
We know that the most effective process for discovering these layers of meaning is through
interactive and iterative dialogues and that if we undertake them sincerely and openly—and
patiently—we can sometimes find our way to something entirely new. We assume that
individual voices speak and act for the system as a whole, and we listen carefully for a variety
of voices and the competing values they represent.
From Margaret Wheatley and Myron Kellner-Rogers A Simpler Way
Life coheres into selves and system. In its great cohering motions, life is a poet. It brings
together seemingly separate elements to create and discover new meaning…. The only way to
know a system is to play with it. Life’s restless urge to experiment and discover, its great
tinkering, its wild surprises, invite us to become experimenters.
We can support systems in being resilient by encouraging them to exercise their freedom to
explore new connections and new information…. Open and inquiring, such systems become
wiser about themselves.

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