Why Men hate going to church (revised edition) discussion guide

Download free at www.churchformen.com/guides

Chapter 1 – Perfectly designed

1. Do  you  agree  or  disagree  with  the  following  statements?  

“I  can  worship  God  better  out  in  nature  than  I  can  sitting  in  a  church  building.”  

“I  just  don’t  feel  like  I  need  to  go  to  a  church  to  be  a  good  person.”  

“I  go  to  church  on  occasion,  but  I’ve  found  it  rather  boring  and  irrelevant  to  my  life.”    

2. Look  again  at  the  Mars  and  Venus  values  on  page  seven.  Be  honest:  which  set  
did  you  pick?  Look  again  at  the  Mars  values  (Set  A).  How  many  of  these  
values  can  you  honestly  ascribe  to  Christ  and  his  true  followers?  

3. Gil  chose  a  megachurch  because  it  was  the  only  one  that  “didn’t  suck.”  (page  
6)  Do  men  choose  their  churches  based  on  the  quality  of  the  experience?  

4. Agree  or  disagree:  Most  men  see  their  wives  as  more  qualified  to  make  
decisions  in  the  arenas  of  relationships,  childcare,  education  and  faith.  Why  
do  you  think  this  is  true  (or  not  true)?  

5. If  you  were  going  to  establish  a  new  church,  would  you  more  heavily  recruit  
men  or  women?  Why?    

6. How  well  do  your  gifts  match  the  culture  of  the  church?    

Action item:  The  next  time  you’re  in  church,  evaluate  its  “male  friendliness”  
quotient.  (You  can  download  our  free  guy  friendliness  test  at:  
http://bit.ly/GuyTest)  

Discussion  guide  ©  2011,  Murrow  Media  Inc.  You  are  free  to  post/print/share/distribute  this  guide  in  any  medium,  as  long  as  
it  is  unaltered.  If  you  would  like  to  translate  the  guide  into  other  languages,  contact  [email protected].  
 Why Men hate going to church (revised edition) discussion guide
Download free at www.churchformen.com/guides

Chapter 2 – Yes, there really is a gender gap

1. Take  a  guess:  what  percentage  of  the  adults  in  your  congregation  is  male?  

2. Why  do  you  think  Christianity  suffers  a  gender  gap,  when  other  religions  
generally  don’t?  

3. If  you  are  married,  who’s  the  most  enthusiastic  about  churchgoing,  you  or  
your  spouse?  Why?  

4. According  to  studies,  the  larger  the  church,  the  more  likely  it  is  to  have  men.  
Why  do  you  think  this  is?  

5. These  days,  “brand-­‐name”  churches  generally  attract  fewer  men  than  non-­‐
denominational  ones.  And  theologically  conservative  churches  almost  always  
draw  more  men  than  liberal  churches.  Why  do  you  think  these  are  true?  

6. Do  you  listen  to  Christian  Radio?  Music  or  talk?  Why  or  why  not?  

7. Are  you  a  pillar  or  a  caterpillar  in  your  church?  Are  most  of  your  church’s  
pillars  men  or  women?    

8. Have  you  attended  a  Promise  Keepers  rally,  or  a  Women  of  Faith  Conference?  
What  did  you  think  about  it?  Do  you  plan  to  attend  another  in  the  future?  
Why  or  why  not?  

Action item:  This  Sunday,  count  noses  in  church.  If  your  church  is  typical,  about  
60  percent  (or  more)  of  the  adults  in  your  worship  service  will  be  female.  Report  
your  findings  to  the  group  next  time  you  meet.  

Discussion  guide  ©  2011,  Murrow  Media  Inc.  You  are  free  to  post/print/share/distribute  this  guide  in  any  medium,  as  long  as  
it  is  unaltered.  If  you  would  like  to  translate  the  guide  into  other  languages,  contact  [email protected].  
 Why Men hate going to church (revised edition) discussion guide
Download free at www.churchformen.com/guides

Chapter 3 – Men: who Needs ‘Em?

1. Who  takes  more  risks  in  your  family,  the  males  or  the  females?  
 
2. Have  you  ever  worked  with  boys  and  girls?  Which  gender  is  more  concerned  
with  the  rules?  With  keeping  score?  
 
3. Studies  indicate  church  involvement  is  good  for  men  (page  23).  Why  do  you  
think  this  is?    
 
4. Name  5  to  10  factors  that  are  important  in  church  growth.  Rank  them  by  
number.  Where  does  “the  presence  of  men”  rank?      
 
5. Islam  is  the  world’s  fastest  growing  religion.  Why  do  you  think  it  is  so  
attractive  to  men,  particularly  young  black  men  in  the  US?  Are  there  any  
ideas  the  church  could  borrow  from  the  mosque?  
 
6. Murrow  concludes  the  chapter  by  stating:  “The  religion  that  wins  men,  wins.”  
What  does  he  mean  by  that?  Do  you  agree  or  disagree?  

Action item:  Find  out  what  percentage  of  your  church’s  volunteer  ranks  is  
female.  Report  your  findings  to  the  group  next  time  you  meet.  

Discussion  guide  ©  2011,  Murrow  Media  Inc.  You  are  free  to  post/print/share/distribute  this  guide  in  any  medium,  as  long  as  
it  is  unaltered.  If  you  would  like  to  translate  the  guide  into  other  languages,  contact  [email protected].  
 Why Men hate going to church (revised edition) discussion guide
Download free at www.churchformen.com/guides

Chapter 4 – who are the missing men?

1. What  kinds  of  men  are  largely  missing  from  your  church?  
 
2. Dr.  Michael  Lindsay  reports  that  about  60%  of  the  prominent  Christian  men  
he  interviewed  do  not  regularly  attend  a  local  church  (page  30).  Why  do  you  
think  this  is?  
 
3. Are  high-­‐achieving  men  justified  in  investing  their  time  and  money  into  
parachurch  organizations  instead  of  a  local  congregation?  
 
4. Why  are  young  single  men  so  reluctant  to  go  to  church?  Why  are  student  
bodies  at  Christian  colleges  so  heavily  female?  
 
5. Researchers  Cox  and  Miles  (page  31)  found  that  men  who  were  interested  in  
religion  were  more  likely  to  answer  surveys  “like  a  woman”  than  men  who  
were  irreligious.  Why  do  you  think  this  is?  
 
6. What  is  it  about  old  age  that  calls  men  back  to  church?  
 
7. How  do  you  view  conflict  among  Christians?  Should  we  fight  things  out,  
declare  a  winner  and  move  on?  Or  should  we  handle  conflict  in  a  more  
diplomatic  fashion?  Which  is  more  true  to  the  example  of  Christ?  
 

Action item:  Is  your  church  producing  a  crop?  Write  down  a  list  of  all  the  
“lasting  fruit”  (John  15:16)  your  church  has  produced  in  the  last  12  months,  and  
share  it  with  the  group  next  time  you  meet.  

Discussion  guide  ©  2011,  Murrow  Media  Inc.  You  are  free  to  post/print/share/distribute  this  guide  in  any  medium,  as  long  as  
it  is  unaltered.  If  you  would  like  to  translate  the  guide  into  other  languages,  contact  [email protected].  
 Why Men hate going to church (revised edition) discussion guide
Download free at www.churchformen.com/guides

Chapter 5 – The masculinity bank

1. If  you  are  a  man,  list  at  least  three  man  laws  you  follow  (example:  I  do  not  
kiss  other  men;  I  do  not  wear  the  color  pink)?  
 
2. A  century  ago  there  were  “woman  laws”  as  well  (example:  women  don’t  wear  
pants;  women  don’t  smoke).  Do  “woman  laws”  exist  today?  If  so,  name  a  few.  
 
3. If  you  are  a  man,  name  some  things  you  do  to  fill  your  masculinity  bank  
(extra  points  for  honesty  on  this  one).  
 
4. Have  you  ever  seen  churchgoing  as  womanly  behavior?  Do  you  know  any  
men  who  do?  
 
5. Have  you  ever  hidden  your  faith  from  other  men?  Have  you  ever  given  your  
friends  vague,  man-­‐acceptable  answers  to  questions  about  your  faith  
practices  (page  41)?  Why  did  you  do  these  things?  
 
6. My  straw  poll  (page  42)  found  that  many  more  men  regarded  church  and  
Sunday  school  as  a  womanly  place.  What  do  you  think?  Are  church  and  
Sunday  school  more  akin  to  a  baby  shower  or  a  football  stadium?  

Action item:  Ask  some  guys  you  know  if  they  see  church  as  a  manly  or  a  
womanly  place.  

Discussion  guide  ©  2011,  Murrow  Media  Inc.  You  are  free  to  post/print/share/distribute  this  guide  in  any  medium,  as  long  as  
it  is  unaltered.  If  you  would  like  to  translate  the  guide  into  other  languages,  contact  [email protected].  
 Why Men hate going to church (revised edition) discussion guide
Download free at www.churchformen.com/guides

Chapter 6 – The Two Jesuses

1. Think  about  your  church.  Which  Christ  is  presented  more  often,  the  lion  or  
the  lamb?  
 
2. When  you  think  of  the  essential  nature  of  Christ,  do  you  picture  a  mild  man  
or  a  wild  man?  Is  Christ  at  his  core  a  God  of  comfort  or  a  God  of  
confrontation?  
 
3. Do  people  fear  God  any  more?  
 
4. Other  than  “The  Three  Blessed  Exceptions”  (page  49)  is  there  any  time  
Christians  are  allowed  to  be  bold,  aggressive  or  even  violent  in  practicing  
their  faith?  
 
5. Are  competition  and  Christ  compatible?  
 
6. Do  you  believe  who  Jesus  is  trumps  what  he  taught  or  what  he  did?  How  do  
you  handle  Bible  passages  that  seem  to  contradict  your  understanding  of  
who  Jesus  is?  (for  example,  read  what  “The  Prince  of  Peace”  says  in  Matthew  
10:34)  
 
7. Do  you  know  someone  who  feels  wounded  by  the  church?  Did  they  leave  the  
church  over  their  feelings?  Share  their  story  with  the  group  (if  you  can  do  so  
without  gossip).  
 
8. How  can  we  re-­‐introduce  the  Lion  of  Judah  to  our  churches  without  causing  
disruption?  Is  it  even  possible?  Is  it  a  good  idea?  Will  it  bring  men  back?    

Action item:  Grab  three  items:  a  pink  highlighter,  a  blue  highlighter  and  a  
paperback  New  Testament.  Highlight  in  pink  all  the  passages  in  the  gospels  
where  Jesus  is  soft,  gentle  and  merciful.  Highlight  in  blue  all  the  passages  where  
Jesus  is  bold,  harsh  and  commanding.  Share  your  findings  with  the  group  next  
time  you  meet.  

Discussion  guide  ©  2011,  Murrow  Media  Inc.  You  are  free  to  post/print/share/distribute  this  guide  in  any  medium,  as  long  as  
it  is  unaltered.  If  you  would  like  to  translate  the  guide  into  other  languages,  contact  [email protected].  
 Why Men hate going to church (revised edition) discussion guide
Download free at www.churchformen.com/guides

Chapter 7 – victoria’s secret…when we lost the men

1. Confession  time:  when  you  saw  the  words,  “Victoria’s  Secret”  in  title  of  this  
chapter,  what  did  you  think  it  was  about?  
 
2. Do  you  believe  that  Christianity  has  softened  since  the  days  of  the  Puritans?  
Why  do  you  think  that  happened?  
 
3. Church  services  much  more  emotional  than  they  were  in  the  1700s.  Why  do  
you  think  this  is  the  case?  
 
4. Victorian  pastors  had  a  reputation  as  sissies.  Is  this  still  true  today?  Are  
modern  pastors  softer  than  the  average  guy?  How  about  worship  leaders?  
 
5. In  your  church,  who  keeps  the  ministry  machine  going,  men  or  women?  
 
6. Children’s  ministry  as  we  know  it  did  not  exist  150  years  ago,  yet  today  it’s  
an  indispensable  part  of  church  life.  How  and  why  did  children’s  ministry  
become  foundational  in  nearly  every  church  on  earth?  

Action item:  Go  to  the  Internet  and  search  for  the  original  text  of  Jonathan  
Edwards’  famous  sermon,  “Sinners  in  the  Hands  of  an  Angry  God,”  preached  July  
8,  1741  in  Enfield,  CT.  Read  the  sermon  through  and  ask  yourself,  “What  might  
happen  if  this  sermon  were  preached  in  my  church  today?”  

Discussion  guide  ©  2011,  Murrow  Media  Inc.  You  are  free  to  post/print/share/distribute  this  guide  in  any  medium,  as  long  as  
it  is  unaltered.  If  you  would  like  to  translate  the  guide  into  other  languages,  contact  [email protected].  
 Why Men hate going to church (revised edition) discussion guide
Download free at www.churchformen.com/guides

Chapter 8 – The Christian industrial complex

1. Men,  do  you  remember  the  day  you  decided  to  put  away  childish  things?  Tell  
the  group  about  that  day.  
 
2. You’re  in  the  bathroom.  It’s  time  to  shave.  There  are  two  razors  in  front  of  
you,  with  identical  five-­‐blade  cutting  surfaces.  Would  you  pick  up  the  Venus  
Embrace  or  the  Fusion  ProGlide?    Why?  
 
3. Murrow  believes  that  modern  Christianity  is  being  presented  in  a  female-­‐
oriented  package.  Have  you  noticed  this,  or  is  the  author  all  wet?  
 
4. Did  you  abandon  your  faith  for  a  time  as  a  young  person?  If  so,  what  things  
did  you  do  to  declare  your  independence  from  religion?  If  not,  what  kept  you  
faithful?  
 
5. Have  you  noticed  the  change  in  Sunday  school  Jesus?  Does  the  new  Jesus  
seem  kind  of  sissy?  Childish?  
 
6. Do  you  listen  to  Christian  music  on  the  radio?  Is  it  just  me,  or  does  it  seem  
wimpy  to  you?  
 
7. Do  you  purchase  many  Christian  products?  Who  purchases  more  –  you,  or  
the  women  in  your  life?  

Action item:  Go  to  your  local  Christian  bookstore  and  compare  the  size  of  the  
women’s  section  to  the  size  of  the  men’s  section.  

Discussion  guide  ©  2011,  Murrow  Media  Inc.  You  are  free  to  post/print/share/distribute  this  guide  in  any  medium,  as  long  as  
it  is  unaltered.  If  you  would  like  to  translate  the  guide  into  other  languages,  contact  [email protected].  
 Why Men hate going to church (revised edition) discussion guide
Download free at www.churchformen.com/guides

Chapter 9 – Men and contemporary worship

1. Did  you  experience  the  “worship  wars”  in  the  1980s  and  1990s?  Which  side  
were  you  on?  
 
2. In  general,  do  you  prefer  praise  songs  or  hymns?  Why?  
 
3. Murrow  writes,  “The  old  worship  was  formal,  corporate,  and  emotionless.  
The  new  worship  is  informal,  individualistic,  and  touchy-­‐feely.”  Do  you  
agree?  Which  do  you  prefer?  
 
4. Discuss  the  positive  aspects  of  the  new  worship  on  men,  beginning  at  the  
bottom  of  page  73.  
 
5. Praise  and  Worship  (P&W)  has  introduced  a  familiarity  and  intimacy  with  
God  that’s  absent  in  many  hymns.  Is  this  a  good  thing  for  men?  
 
6. Murrow  writes,  “The  great  hymns  summon  men  to  the  battlefield—but  many  
of  today’s  PW  songs  seem  to  be  summoning  men  to  the  bedroom.”  Have  you  
noticed  this?  How  do  you  react  to  songs  that  describe  our  love  for  God  in  
romantic,  even  erotic  terms?  
 
7. Have  you  ever  felt  that  a  worship  leader  was  trying  to  manipulate  your  
emotions?  How  did  he/she  attempt  to  do  this?  
 
 

Action item:  This  weekend,  take  a  seat  near  the  front  of  the  church.  As  the  
congregation  sings,  look  over  your  shoulder  and  count  the  number  of  men  who  
join  in  the  singing.  Then  count  the  number  who  don’t.  Share  your  results  with  
the  group.  

Discussion  guide  ©  2011,  Murrow  Media  Inc.  You  are  free  to  post/print/share/distribute  this  guide  in  any  medium,  as  long  as  
it  is  unaltered.  If  you  would  like  to  translate  the  guide  into  other  languages,  contact  [email protected].  
 Why Men hate going to church (revised edition) discussion guide
Download free at www.churchformen.com/guides

Chapter 10 – twelve things men fear about church

1. Are  men  really  afraid  of  church?  Why?  

 
2. Do  you  think  of  Christian  men  as  softer  than  other  men?  Why  do  men  think  
this?  
 
3. Look  back  over  the  dozen  fears.  Are  you  (or  a  man  you  know)  affected  by  any  
of  these?  
• I’ll  hate  church,  like  when  I  was  a  kid.  
• I’ll  lose  control.  
• I’ll  get  stuck  with  some  weirdo.  
• Is  he  gay?  
• If  I  become  a  Christian,  I’ll  become  soft.  
• Church  is  tough  on  single  guys.  
• Christians  don’t  get  much  sex.  
• Church  is  full  of  hypocrites.  
• All  they  want  is  my  money.  
• I’m  jealous.    
• I’m  being  held  to  an  impossible  standard.  
• I’m  afraid  of  heaven  

4.        Some  men  become  jealous  of  Jesus  because  they  feel  women  love  Him  more.  
But  aren’t  women  supposed  to  love  God  first?  Where  is  the  balance  point?  

5.        Be  honest:  when  you  hear  of  a  Christian  family  in  crisis,  do  you  assume  the  
man  is  to  blame?  Why?  

6.  Are  you  looking  forward  to  heaven,  or  does  it  sound  dull?  Which  sounds  better  
to  you  –  eternal  singing,  or  eternal  sex?  

Action item:  Ask  a  man  who  doesn’t  go  to  church  why  he  doesn’t.  If  he  asks,  
“Why  are  you  asking?”  tell  him  you’re  reading  my  book.    

Discussion  guide  ©  2011,  Murrow  Media  Inc.  You  are  free  to  post/print/share/distribute  this  guide  in  any  medium,  as  long  as  
it  is  unaltered.  If  you  would  like  to  translate  the  guide  into  other  languages,  contact  [email protected].  
 Why Men hate going to church (revised edition) discussion guide
Download free at www.churchformen.com/guides

Chapter 11 – the stars vs. the scrubs

1. Have  you  ever  participated  in  team  sports?  Were  you  (are  you)  a  star  or  a  
scrub?  If  a  scrub,  tell  the  group  what  it’s  like.  
 
2. Murrow  sums  up  “the  rules  of  church”  on  page  90.  Do  you  agree  with  the  lists  
he’s  presented?  Are  these  really  the  skills  one  needs  to  be  a  star  at  church?  
 
3. How  important  are  verbal  skills  in  church?    
 
4. How  important  is  studiousness?    
 
5. How  important  is  sensitivity?  
 
6. Are  the  men  who  run  your  church  verbal,  studious  and  sensitive?  How  about  
the  men  who  attend?  
 
7. Murrow  summed  up  the  chapter  with  two  equations:  
a. Men  +  church  =  low  competence  
b. Men  +  work  and  hobbies  =  high  competence  
Does  this  square  with  your  experience?  Does  the  competence  gap  explain  
why  men  focus  on  work  and  hobbies  and  not  on  church?  
 
 

Action item:  Attend  a  sporting  event  and  observe  the  players  on  the  bench.  
Pray  for  them.

Discussion  guide  ©  2011,  Murrow  Media  Inc.  You  are  free  to  post/print/share/distribute  this  guide  in  any  medium,  as  long  as  
it  is  unaltered.  If  you  would  like  to  translate  the  guide  into  other  languages,  contact  [email protected].  
 Why Men hate going to church (revised edition) discussion guide
Download free at www.churchformen.com/guides

Chapter 12 – Check your testosterone at the door

1. What  do  you  think  when  a  Christian  organization  gender  neutralizes  sacred  
music,  liturgy  and  scripture?  
 
2. Have  you  ever  been  invited  to  have  “a  personal  relationship  with  Jesus?”  
Does  the  term  seem  feminine?  Accurate?  Biblical?  
 
3. Murrow  quotes  an  author  who  writes  in  a  Christian  men’s  book,  “Through  
Jesus  God  reveals  that  he  loves  us  passionately  and  longs  for  an  intimate  
relationship  with  us.”  What’s  wrong  (if  anything)  with  this  sentence?  
 
4. How  do  you  feel  when  people  become  emotional  during  a  worship  service?  
What’s  appropriate  and  what’s  not?  
 
5. Is  the  décor  of  your  church  sending  a  message?  If  so,  what?  
 
6. Is  there  a  time  during  your  worship  service  when  everyone  is  encouraged  to  
hold  hands  or  hug?  How  do  you  react  to  that?  
 
7. What  do  you  think  about  personal  expression  during  a  worship  service?  How  
much  is  too  much?  Should  parishioners  be  given  an  opportunity  to  speak  up  
during  a  worship  service?  

Action item:  Call  another  man  and  ask  him  if  the  two  of  you  “can  have  a  
personal  relationship.”  Report  back  to  the  group  in  your  next  session.  

Discussion  guide  ©  2011,  Murrow  Media  Inc.  You  are  free  to  post/print/share/distribute  this  guide  in  any  medium,  as  long  as  
it  is  unaltered.  If  you  would  like  to  translate  the  guide  into  other  languages,  contact  [email protected].  
 Why Men hate going to church (revised edition) discussion guide
Download free at www.churchformen.com/guides

Chapter 13 – How churches feminize over time

1. Is  your  church  playing  offense  or  defense?    

 
2.  Is  it  possible  to  change  a  church  without  causing  conflict?  
 
3. Have  you  ever  seen  an  innovative  idea  crushed  in  the  local  church?  What  
happened?  Was  it  due  to  a  family  of  God  mentality?  
 
4. Murrow  believes  the  shift  from  offense  to  defense  causes  men  to  check  out.  
This  leads  to  the  departure  of  young  men,  and  then  younger  women.  That  
leaves  faithful  old  women  as  the  dominant  group.  What  do  you  think  of  this  
theory?    
 
5. When  Sister  Sherry  tendered  her  church  resignation,  one  of  the  elders  
celebrated  (page  111).  Was  that  a  Christlike  response?    
 
6. Have  you  ever  been  part  of  a  church  where  one  cranky  member  (or  family)  
held  the  church  hostage?  Tell  your  story  (without  naming  names).  
 
7. Do  you  see  your  church  as  an  outpost  in  the  kingdom  of  God,  or  a  close-­‐knit  
family  of  God?  Extra  points  for  honesty.  

Action item:  In  what  ways  is  your  church  “trolling  for  men?”  Find  out  if  there’s  a  
low-­‐energy,  below-­‐the-­‐surface  effort  to  engage  men  in  the  life  of  your  congregation.  

Discussion  guide  ©  2011,  Murrow  Media  Inc.  You  are  free  to  post/print/share/distribute  this  guide  in  any  medium,  as  long  as  
it  is  unaltered.  If  you  would  like  to  translate  the  guide  into  other  languages,  contact  [email protected].  
 Why Men hate going to church (revised edition) discussion guide
Download free at www.churchformen.com/guides

Chapter 14 – How churches drive boys away from the faith

1. Men,  did  you  ever  participate  in  a  sport  you  were  no  good  at?  How  long  did  
you  willingly  participate?  
 
2. Men,  did  you  abandon  the  church  as  a  boy?  Why?  At  what  age  did  church  lose  
your  interest?  
 
3. Were  you  “good  at”  Sunday  school  as  a  child?  Did  your  interests  and  abilities  
match  the  culture  of  Sunday  school?  
 
4. Have  you  noticed  the  Sunday  school  Jesus  has  changed  in  the  past  20  years?  
Which  can  you  relate  to  better  –  the  somber  Jesus  among  men  or  the  smiling  
Jewish  camp  counselor?  
 
5. Was  it  Jesus’  custom  to  spend  much  time  with  children?  
 
6. What  role  does  body  movement  play  in  the  spiritual  lives  of  young  men?  
 
7. Describe  some  of  the  ways  youth  group  has  changed  in  the  past  30  years.  
Have  these  changes  been  good  or  bad  for  young  men?  
 

Action item:  Attend  the  youth  meeting  in  your  church  and  assess  its  “boy  
friendliness  quotient.”    

Discussion  guide  ©  2011,  Murrow  Media  Inc.  You  are  free  to  post/print/share/distribute  this  guide  in  any  medium,  as  long  as  
it  is  unaltered.  If  you  would  like  to  translate  the  guide  into  other  languages,  contact  [email protected].  
 Why Men hate going to church (revised edition) discussion guide
Download free at www.churchformen.com/guides

Chapter 15 – The Battle to Reengage Men

1. Does  your  church  have  a  gymnasium?  How  is  a  gym  compatible  with  the  
mission  of  Jesus?  (provide  a  Bible  passage  that  proves  your  point-­‐of-­‐view).  
 
2. Athlete-­‐turned-­‐evangelist  Billy  Sunday  was  criticized  for  “doffing  his  coat,  
breaking  furniture  and  employing  sports  metaphors”  as  he  preached.  What  
would  you  think  of  a  pastor  who  did  such  things?  
 
3. Is  there  still  a  need  for  organizations  such  as  the  YMCA  and  the  Boy  Scouts  to  
link  manliness  and  godliness  in  the  popular  imagination?  Is  that  still  what  
these  organizations  do?  
 
4. Murrow  sees  a  clear  link  between  the  presence  of  men  and  church  growth.  
How  does  this  square  with  your  experience?  
 
5. Murrow  concludes  that  postwar  men  flocked  to  mainline  churches  
(Methodist,  Presbyterian,  Episcopal,  Lutheran  and  United  Church  of  Christ)  
because  these  churches  had  spent  decades  building  trust  among  men.  Do  you  
think  this  is  true?  Why  are  men  abandoning  the  mainline  today?  
 
6. Have  you  attended  a  Promise  Keepers  stadium  or  arena  event?  What  did  you  
think  of  it?  Was  it  effective  in  reaching  men  with  the  gospel?  
 
7. Is  it  time  for  another  men’s  movement  in  the  church?  What  would  it  look  
like?  What  WOULDN’T  it  look  like?  

Discussion  guide  ©  2011,  Murrow  Media  Inc.  You  are  free  to  post/print/share/distribute  this  guide  in  any  medium,  as  long  as  
it  is  unaltered.  If  you  would  like  to  translate  the  guide  into  other  languages,  contact  [email protected].  
 Why Men hate going to church (revised edition) discussion guide
Download free at www.churchformen.com/guides

Chapter 16 – why megachurches are mega

1. Is  it  possible  for  a  small  church  to  create  the  kind  of  culture  that  welcomes  
men?  If  so,  how?  
 
2. The  two  most  famous  megachurches  in  America  set  out  to  reach  an  
unchurched  man.  Yet  most  church  plants  target  “young  families”  which  is  to  
say,  young  mothers.  Who  does  your  church  target?  
 
3. Does  your  church  governance  structure  facilitate  change  or  slow  it  down?  
 
4. Does  your  church  offer  a  quality  worship  service?  How  can  your  church  offer  
more  quality  without  it  becoming  a  slick,  canned  sales  pitch  for  Jesus?  
 
5. Does  your  church  need  to  remove  some  man  repellent  stuff?  Toss  out  a  
couple  of  ideas  –  if  you  dare.  
 
6. What  percentage  of  your  church’s  worship  service  is  vertically  focused,  vs.  
horizontally  focused?  80/20?    70/30?  50/50?  
 
7. In  your  opinion,  what  percentage  of  your  service  should  be  vertically  
focused?  

Action item:  Attend  a  megachurch  service  this  weekend,  if  you  don’t  already.  Note  
the  ways  it  differs  from  a  traditional  worship  service.  Pay  close  attention  to  any  
man-­‐friendly  elements  that  may  be  employed.  

-­‐or-­‐  

Visit  your  church’s  web  site,  looking  at  it  through  the  eyes  of  a  man  who  does  not  
attend  church.  Compare  it  to  other  sites  that  are  male-­‐oriented  (sports  sites,  men’s  
products,  men’s  movies,  etc.)  

Discussion  guide  ©  2011,  Murrow  Media  Inc.  You  are  free  to  post/print/share/distribute  this  guide  in  any  medium,  as  long  as  
it  is  unaltered.  If  you  would  like  to  translate  the  guide  into  other  languages,  contact  [email protected].  
 Why Men hate going to church (revised edition) discussion guide
Download free at www.churchformen.com/guides

Chapter 17 – pastors and men

1. Tell  the  group  about  your  favorite  pastor  of  all  time.  What  made  him  such  a  
great  person?  
 
2. Murrow  writes  to  pastors,  “Men  will  choose  or  reject  your  church  based  on  
their  respect  for  you.”  Is  this  true?  Do  men  really  judge  an  entire  
congregation  by  its  leader?  
 
3. What  are  some  of  the  characteristics  of  a  healthy  masculine  pastor?  How  can  
ministers  avoid  the  extremes  (macho  or  wimpy)?  
 
4. Does  your  pastor  have  the  trappings  of  manhood?  (page  148)  Does  he  talk  
about  guy  stuff  from  the  pulpit?  
 
5. Have  you  ever  noticed  “preacher-­‐speak?”  Why  is  it  hard  for  some  pastors  to  
speak  normally  when  they  preach  and  pray  aloud?  
 
6. Can  you  relate  to  the  story  of  the  pastor  who  feared  men?  (beginning  at  the  
top  of  page  150)  If  so,  share  your  story.  
 
7. Which  do  you  think  is  most  important  for  a  pastor’s  spiritual  health:  Bible  
study,  prayer,  or  fellowship  with  Christian  men?  

Action item:  Write  your  pastor  an  encouraging  letter  or  e-­‐mail  this  week.  

Discussion  guide  ©  2011,  Murrow  Media  Inc.  You  are  free  to  post/print/share/distribute  this  guide  in  any  medium,  as  long  as  
it  is  unaltered.  If  you  would  like  to  translate  the  guide  into  other  languages,  contact  [email protected].  
 Why Men hate going to church (revised edition) discussion guide
Download free at www.churchformen.com/guides

Chapter 18 – teaching and men

1. Recall  the  last  sermon  you  heard.  What  was  it  about?  What  were  the  pastor’s  
main  points?  
 
2. When  is  the  last  time  you  were  astonished  at  church?  In  a  small  group?  
 
3. Are  object  lessons  appropriate  for  adults,  or  are  they  primarily  for  children?  
 
4. Do  you  prefer  short  sermons  or  long  ones?  
 
5. Argumentation,  give-­‐and-­‐take,  good-­‐natured  teasing,  and  put-­‐downs.  Are  
these  compatible  with  the  gospel?  
 
6. Do  your  church  services  start  and  end  on  time?  
 
7. Have  you  seen  someone  engrossed  in  a  smartphone  during  a  worship  
service?  
 
8. Women:  If  your  pastor  were  to  initiate  a  men’s  huddle  at  the  end  of  the  
service,  would  you  see  this  as  a  valuable  opportunity  for  the  men,  or  would  
you  feel  left  out?  

Action item:  If  you  teach  in  the  church,  what’s  one  way  you  can  “man  up”  your  
teaching?  

Discussion  guide  ©  2011,  Murrow  Media  Inc.  You  are  free  to  post/print/share/distribute  this  guide  in  any  medium,  as  long  as  
it  is  unaltered.  If  you  would  like  to  translate  the  guide  into  other  languages,  contact  [email protected].  
 Why Men hate going to church (revised edition) discussion guide
Download free at www.churchformen.com/guides

Chapter 19 – getting the big story right

1. What  are  some  of  your  favorite  movies?  Do  they  involve  a  hero  who  saves  the  
world  against  impossible  odds?  
 
2. Is  the  gospel  about  saving  the  world  against  impossible  odds,  or  is  it  about  
having  a  relationship  with  a  man  who  loves  you?  
 
3. Is  it  ever  wise  to  rebuff  a  man  who’s  seeking  to  follow  Jesus?  
 
4. Do  we  beg  and  plead  too  much  in  church?  
 
5. What  are  some  healthy  ways  we  can  promise  reward  in  church  (without  
being  manipulative)?  
 
6. If  we  promise  more  risk  and  reward  in  church,  will  more  high-­‐octane  men  
join  us?  Will  we  gain  or  lose  men?  
 

Action item:  Watch  a  guy  movie.  Identify  the  Christ  figure.  

Discussion  guide  ©  2011,  Murrow  Media  Inc.  You  are  free  to  post/print/share/distribute  this  guide  in  any  medium,  as  long  as  
it  is  unaltered.  If  you  would  like  to  translate  the  guide  into  other  languages,  contact  [email protected].  
 Why Men hate going to church (revised edition) discussion guide
Download free at www.churchformen.com/guides

Chapter 20 – what about women?

1. Talk  about  Murrow’s  Iron  Clad  Rule  of  the  Genders:  Women  are  fascinated  by  
the  things  of  men.  But  men  are  repelled  by  the  things  of  women.  Have  you  
experienced  this?  
 
2. Men,  how  do  you  feel  when  your  wife  says,  “Hold  my  purse  for  a  minute.”  
Why  do  you  feel  that  way?  
 
3. Do  the  women  of  your  church  hold  a  “velvet  veto”  (page  175)?  
 
4. Men,  do  you  suffer  from  “She’ll-­‐take-­‐care-­‐of-­‐it-­‐it  is?”  (page  177).    
 
5. Should  churches  set  aside  leadership  posts  for  men,  or  is  that  unacceptable  
sexism  (page  177,  bottom)?  
 
6. Have  you  ever  known  a  woman  who  lorded  her  spiritual  superiority  over  her  
husband?  What  impact  did  that  have  on  the  husband?  The  children?  
 
7. Dr.  Leon  Podles  predicts  women  will  come  dominate  the  clergy  within  a  
generation.  What  do  you  think?  

Action item:  Men,  carry  a  purse  into  a  public  place  and  see  how  people  react.  

Discussion  guide  ©  2011,  Murrow  Media  Inc.  You  are  free  to  post/print/share/distribute  this  guide  in  any  medium,  as  long  as  
it  is  unaltered.  If  you  would  like  to  translate  the  guide  into  other  languages,  contact  [email protected].  
 Why Men hate going to church (revised edition) discussion guide
Download free at www.churchformen.com/guides

Chapter 21 – Young men and faith

1. Men,  did  you  ever  secretly  like  something  only  girls  were  supposed  to  like,  
such  as  the  music  of  Barry  Manilow?  Be  a  man  and  tell  the  group  about  it.    
 
2. Look  at  the  charts  on  pages  181  and  182.  Do  they  ring  true  with  you?  Does  a  
man’s  religiosity  run  opposite  to  his  need  to  be  perceived  as  manly?  
 
3. How  do  other  religions  initiate  their  young  men  into  manhood?  Why  doesn’t  
Christianity  do  this?  
 
4. If  you  are  married,  who  is  the  spiritual  leader  in  your  home  –  you  or  your  
wife?  Who  is  walking  more  closely  with  God?  
 
5. Society  is  becoming  suspicious  of  men  who  want  to  spend  time  with  boys,  yet  
this  is  the  essential  relationship  through  which  faith  passes.  How  can  we  
encourage  this  relationship  without  exposing  boys  to  possible  abuse?  
 
6. Studies  indicate  that  the  father’s  religious  devotion  is  a  more  important  
predictor  of  the  future  devotion  of  his  children.  Does  this  square  with  your  
experience?    
 
7. The  chapter  ends  with  a  mind-­‐bending  question:  What  if  we  canceled  youth  
group  and  put  that  effort  into  building  up  the  men  of  the  church?  Would  such  
an  approach,  in  the  long  run,  win  more  youth  to  Christ?  

Action item:  Visit  a  local  high  school  event  or  shopping  mall  and  observe  the  many  
ways  young  men  act  “manly.”    

Discussion  guide  ©  2011,  Murrow  Media  Inc.  You  are  free  to  post/print/share/distribute  this  guide  in  any  medium,  as  long  as  
it  is  unaltered.  If  you  would  like  to  translate  the  guide  into  other  languages,  contact  [email protected].  
 Why Men hate going to church (revised edition) discussion guide
Download free at www.churchformen.com/guides

Chapter 22 – Men, prayer and a few other things

1. Do  you  like  to  pray  aloud  in  a  group?  Why  are  so  many  men  so  reluctant  to  
pray  aloud?  
 
2. When  you  pray  aloud,  do  you  speak  normally,  or  do  you  lapse  into  “prayer-­‐
speak?”  If  so,  which  dialect  to  you  speak?  (see  page  192)  
 
3. Do  you  like  praying  aloud  in  groups?  Why  or  why  not?  Is  this  exercise  harder  
on  men  or  women?  
 
4. Have  you  ever  been  in  the  middle  of  a  prayer  mushroom?  (page  195)  What  
did  you  think  of  the  experience?  Do  prayer  mushrooms  encourage  or  
discourage  men  from  sharing  prayer  requests?      
 
5. Murrow  says,  “Nothing  in  scripture  suggests  long  prayers  are  better  than  
short  ones.  The  Bible  recommends  consistency  and  frequency,  not  length.”  
Agree  or  disagree?  
 
6. Murrow  says  the  “big  four”  spiritual  disciplines  (page  209)  have  the  
unintended  consequence  of  isolating  men.  What  do  you  think?  
 
7. Murrow  says  “the  men  who  stay  faithful  to  God  are  those  who  walk  closely  
with  other  Christian  men—not  necessarily  those  who  read  the  Scriptures  day  
and  night.”  (page  197).    So  where  is  the  balance  between  individual  spiritual  
disciplines  and  corporate  ones?  

Action item:  At  the  end  of  your  meeting,  pray  together,  using  one  of  the  two  
strategies  Murrow  suggests  at  the  bottom  of  page  194.    

Discussion  guide  ©  2011,  Murrow  Media  Inc.  You  are  free  to  post/print/share/distribute  this  guide  in  any  medium,  as  long  as  
it  is  unaltered.  If  you  would  like  to  translate  the  guide  into  other  languages,  contact  [email protected].  
 Why Men hate going to church (revised edition) discussion guide
Download free at www.churchformen.com/guides

Chapter 23 – How men minister to others

1. Read  the  first  paragraph  of  chapter  23  aloud  in  the  group  (page  201).  Men  –  
how  would  you  feel  if  your  pastor  made  such  an  announcement?  How  would  
you  women  feel?  
 
2. Think  about  your  church’s  roster  of  ministries.  Are  there  specific  offerings  
that  use  men’s  skills  and  gifts  (such  as  a  chain-­‐saw  team)?  
 
3. Are  there  opportunities  for  adventure  in  your  church’s  ministry  portfolio  
(page  204)?  
 
4. Is  it  OK  to  seek  publicity  when  your  church  does  something  in  the  
community?  Or  is  it  better  to  do  your  good  works  in  secret,  as  Christ  
commanded  in  Matthew  6:1-­‐4?  
 
5. Is  it  right  to  charge  men  money  for  ministry,  such  as  a  class,  retreat  or  
seminar  (page  205)?  
 
6. Does  your  church  offer  clear  entry  and  exit  points  from  its  ministry  
programs?  
 
7. Read  Pat  Morley’s  story  at  the  end  of  page  206  aloud  in  the  group.  Does  your  
church  have  a  plan  to  disciple  every  man  in  the  church  that  wants  to  be  
discipled?  

Action item:  Volunteer  at  church.  Try  something  new.  

Discussion  guide  ©  2011,  Murrow  Media  Inc.  You  are  free  to  post/print/share/distribute  this  guide  in  any  medium,  as  long  as  
it  is  unaltered.  If  you  would  like  to  translate  the  guide  into  other  languages,  contact  [email protected].  
 Why Men hate going to church (revised edition) discussion guide
Download free at www.churchformen.com/guides

Chapter 24 – How to minister to men

 
1. Does  your  church  offer  a  men’s  ministry  program?  Describe  it.  What  
percentage  of  the  men  who  attend  your  church  participates  in  the  men’s  
ministry  program?    
 
2. Pastor  Mark  Driscoll  has  built  a  church  full  of  young  men  without  a  men’s  
ministry  program.  Instead,  he  sees  his  entire  church  as  a  men’s  ministry  
program.  Could  you  say  the  same  about  your  church?  
 
3. Men’s  ministry  often  falters  for  this  simple  reason:  it’s  actually  women’s  
ministry  for  men.  Have  you  ever  attended  a  meeting  in  which  men  were  
expected  to  respond  like  women  (page  211)?  
 
4. Murrow  says,  “Women  bond  face-­‐to-­‐face,  whereas  men  bond  side-­‐by-­‐side.”  Is  
this  true?  Tell  the  group  about  your  bonding  experiences.    
 
5. Read  the  definition  of  a  spiritual  father  (bullet  points  in  the  middle  of  page  
215).  Does  your  church  have  any  men  doing  this  kind  of  work  with  other  
men?  
 
6. In  your  experience,  what’s  the  most  effective  way  to  disciple  men:  large  
group  teaching,  small  group  Bible  study  or  one-­‐on-­‐one  discipleship?  
 
7. Murrow  says  the  first  question  you  should  ask  before  starting  a  ministry  
program  for  men  should  not  be,  “What  am  I  going  to  teach?”  It  should  be,  
“How  am  I  going  to  organize?”  What  role  does  organization  and  structure  
play  in  the  spiritual  lives  of  men?  

Action item:  Ask  God  if  he  is  calling  you  to  be  a  spiritual  father  someday.  If  he  says  
yes,  then  find  a  father  who  will  disciple  you.  

Note: There are no discussion questions for Chapter 25.  

Discussion  guide  ©  2011,  Murrow  Media  Inc.  You  are  free  to  post/print/share/distribute  this  guide  in  any  medium,  as  long  as  
it  is  unaltered.  If  you  would  like  to  translate  the  guide  into  other  languages,  contact  [email protected].