Stress Management: How

to Reduce and Relieve

Stress
By Lawrence Robinson and Melinda Smith, M.A.

What is stress management?

It may seem like there’s nothing you can do about stress. The bills won’t stop coming,

there will never be more hours in the day, and your work and family responsibilities will
always be demanding. But you have a lot more control than you might think.

If you’re living with high levels of stress, you’re putting your entire well-being at risk.

Stress wreaks havoc on your emotional equilibrium, as well as your overall physical and

mental health. It narrows your ability to think clearly, function effectively, and enjoy life.

Effective stress management helps you break the hold stress has on your life, so you can

be happier, healthier, and more productive. The ultimate goal is a balanced life, with time

for work, relationships, relaxation, and fun—and the resilience to hold up under pressure

and meet challenges head on. But stress management is not one-size-fits-all. That’s why

it’s important to experiment and find out what works best for you. The following stress

management tips can help you do that.

Tip 1: Identify the sources of stress in your

life
Stress management starts with identifying the sources of stress in your life. This isn't as

straightforward as it sounds. While it's easy to identify major stressors such as changing

jobs, moving, or going through a divorce, pinpointing the sources of chronic stress can be

more complicated. It's all too easy to overlook how your own thoughts, feelings, and

behaviors contribute to your everyday stress levels.

Sure, you may know that you're constantly worried about work deadlines, but maybe it's

your procrastination, rather than the actual job demands, that is causing the stress.

To identify what's really stressing you out, look closely at your habits, attitude, and

excuses:

Do you explain away stress as temporary (“I just have a million things going on right

now”) even though you can’t remember the last time you took a breather?

Do you define stress as an integral part of your work or home life (“Things are always

crazy around here”) or as a part of your personality (“I have a lot of nervous energy,
 that’s all”)?

Do you blame your stress on other people or outside events, or view it as entirely

normal and unexceptional?

Until you accept responsibility for the role you play in creating or maintaining it, your

stress level will remain outside your control.

Start a stress journal

A stress journal can help you identify the regular stressors in your life and the way you

deal with them. Each time you feel stressed, make a note of it in your journal or use a

stress tracker on your phone. Keeping a daily log will enable you to see patterns and

common themes. Write down:

What caused your stress (make a guess if you’re unsure).

How you felt, both physically and emotionally.

How you acted in response.

What you did to make yourself feel better.

Tip 2: Cut out unhealthy ways of dealing

with stress
Many of us feel so stressed out, we resort to unhealthy and unproductive ways to cope. A

lot of these unhelpful strategies can temporarily reduce stress, but in the long run, they

actually cause even more damage:

Smoking, drinking too much, or using drugs to relax.

Bingeing on junk or comfort food.

Zoning out for hours in front of the TV or phone.

Withdrawing from friends, family, and social activities.

Sleeping too much.

Filling up every minute of the day to avoid facing problems.

 Procrastinating.

Taking out your stress on others (lashing out, angry outbursts, physical violence).

[Read: Self-Medicating Depression, Anxiety, and Stress]

If your methods of coping with stress aren’t contributing to your greater emotional and

physical health, it’s time to find healthier ones that leave you feeling calm and in control.

Tip 3: Practice the 4 A's of stress

management
While stress is an automatic response from your nervous system, some stressors arise at

predictable times: your commute to work, a meeting with your boss, or family gatherings,

for example. When handling such predictable stressors, you can either change the

situation or change your reaction.

When deciding which option to choose in any given scenario, it's helpful to think of the

four A's: avoid, alter, adapt, or accept.

Avoid unnecessary stress

It's not healthy to avoid a stressful situation that needs to be addressed, but you may be

surprised by the number of stressors in your life that you can eliminate.

Learn how to say “no.” Know your limits and stick to them. Whether in your personal or

professional life, taking on more than you can handle is a surefire recipe for stress.

Avoid people who stress you out. If someone consistently causes stress in your life, limit

the amount of time you spend with that person, or end the relationship.

Take control of your environment. If the evening news makes you anxious, turn off the TV.

If traffic makes you tense, take a longer but less-traveled route. If going to the market is
an unpleasant chore, do your grocery shopping online.

Avoid hot-button topics. If you get upset over religion or politics, cross them off your

conversation list. If you repeatedly argue about the same subject with the same people,

stop bringing it up or excuse yourself when it’s the topic of discussion.

Pare down your to-do list. Analyze your schedule, responsibilities, and daily tasks. If

you’ve got too much on your plate, distinguish between the “shoulds” and the “musts.”

Drop tasks that aren’t truly necessary to the bottom of the list or eliminate them entirely.

Alter the situation

If you can't avoid a stressful situation, try to alter it. Often, this involves changing the way

you communicate and operate in your daily life.

Express your feelings instead of bottling them up. If something or someone is bothering

you, communicate your concerns in an open and respectful way. If you don't voice your

feelings, resentment will build and the stress will increase.

Be willing to compromise. When you ask someone to change their behavior, be willing to

do the same. If you both are willing to bend at least a little, you'll have a good chance of

finding a happy middle ground.

Be more assertive. Don’t take a backseat in your own life. Deal with problems head on,

doing your best to anticipate and prevent them. If you’ve got an exam to study for and

your chatty roommate just got home, say up front that you only have five minutes to talk.

Find balance. All work and no play is a recipe for burnout. Try to find a balance between

work and family life, social activities and solitary pursuits, daily responsibilities and

downtime.

Adapt to the stressor

If you can't change the stressor, change yourself. You can adapt to stressful situations

and regain your sense of control by changing your expectations and attitude.

Reframe problems. Try to view stressful situations from a more positive perspective.

Rather than fuming about a traffic jam, look at it as an opportunity to pause and regroup,

listen to your favorite radio station, or enjoy some alone time.

Look at the big picture. Take perspective of the stressful situation. Ask yourself how

important it will be in the long run. Will it matter in a month? A year? Is it really worth

getting upset over? If the answer is no, focus your time and energy elsewhere.

Adjust your standards. Perfectionism is a major source of avoidable stress. Stop setting

yourself up for failure by demanding perfection. Set reasonable standards for yourself and

others, and learn to be okay with “good enough.”

Practice gratitude. When stress is getting you down, take a moment to reflect on all the

things you appreciate in your life, including your own positive qualities and gifts. This

simple strategy can help you keep things in perspective.

Accept the things you can't change

Some sources of stress are unavoidable. You can't prevent or change stressors such as

the death of a loved one, a serious illness, or a national recession. In such cases, the best

way to cope with stress is to accept things as they are. Acceptance may be difficult, but in

the long run, it's easier than railing against a situation you can't change.

Don't try to control the uncontrollable. Many things in life are beyond our control,

particularly the behavior of other people. Rather than stressing out over them, focus on

the things you can control such as the way you choose to react to problems.

Look for the upside. When facing major challenges, try to look at them as opportunities for

personal growth. If your own poor choices contributed to a stressful situation, reflect on

them and learn from your mistakes.

Learn to forgive. Accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world and that people make

mistakes. Let go of anger and resentments. Free yourself from negative energy by

forgiving and moving on.

Share your feelings. Expressing what you're going through can be very cathartic, even if

there's nothing you can do to alter the stressful situation. Talk to a trusted friend or make

an appointment with a therapist.

Tip 4: Get moving

When you're stressed, the last thing you probably feel like doing is getting up and

exercising. But physical activity is a huge stress reliever—and you don't have to be an

athlete or spend hours in a gym to experience the benefits. Exercise releases endorphins

that make you feel good, and it can also serve as a valuable distraction from your daily

worries.

While you'll get the most benefit from regularly exercising for 30 minutes or more, it's okay

to build up your fitness level gradually. Even very small activities can add up over the

course of a day. The first step is to get yourself up and moving. Here are some easy ways

to incorporate exercise into your daily schedule:

Put on some music and dance around.

Take your dog for a walk.

Walk or cycle to the grocery store.

Use the stairs at home or work rather than an elevator.

Park your car in the farthest spot in the lot and walk the rest of the way.

Pair up with an exercise partner and encourage each other as you work out.

Play ping-pong or an activity-based video game with your kids.

Deal with stress with mindful rhythmic exercise

While just about any form of physical activity can help burn away tension and stress,

rhythmic activities are especially effective. Good choices include walking, running,

swimming, dancing, cycling, tai chi, and aerobics. But whatever you choose, make sure it's

something you enjoy so you're more likely to stick with it.

While you're exercising, make a conscious effort to pay attention to your body and the

physical (and sometimes emotional) sensations you experience as you're moving. Focus

on coordinating your breathing with your movements, for example, or notice how the air or

sunlight feels on your skin. Adding this mindfulness element will help you break out of the

cycle of negative thoughts that often accompanies overwhelming stress.

Tip 5: Connect to others

There is nothing more calming than spending quality time with another human being who

makes you feel safe and understood. In fact, face-to-face interaction triggers a cascade

of hormones that counteracts the body's defensive “fight-or-flight” response. It's nature's

natural stress reliever (as an added bonus, it also helps stave off depression and anxiety).

So make it a point to connect regularly—and in person—with family and friends.

[Read: Social Support for Stress Relief]

Keep in mind that the people you talk to don't have to be able to fix your stress. They

simply need to be good listeners. And try not to let worries about looking weak or being a

burden keep you from opening up. The people who care about you will be flattered by

your trust. It will only strengthen your bond.

Of course, it's not always realistic to have a pal close by to lean on when you feel

overwhelmed by stress, but by building and maintaining a network of close friends you

can improve your resiliency to life's stressors.

Tips for building relationships

 1. Reach out to a colleague at work.

2. Help someone else by volunteering.

3. Have lunch or coffee with a friend.

4. Ask a loved one to check in with you regularly.

5. Accompany someone to the movies or a concert.

6. Call or email an old friend.

7. Go for a walk with a workout buddy.

8. Schedule a weekly dinner date.

9. Meet new people by taking a class or joining a club.

10. Confide in a clergy member, teacher, or sports coach.

Tip 6: Make time for fun and relaxation

Beyond a take-charge approach and a positive attitude, you can reduce stress in your life

by carving out “me” time. Don't get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that you

forget to take care of your own needs. Nurturing yourself is a necessity, not a luxury. If

you regularly make time for fun and relaxation, you'll be in a better place to handle life's

stressors.

Set aside leisure time. Include rest and relaxation in your daily schedule. Don’t allow other

obligations to encroach. This is your time to take a break from all responsibilities and

recharge your batteries.

Do something you enjoy every day. Make time for leisure activities that bring you joy,

whether it be stargazing, playing the piano, or working on your bike.

Keep your sense of humor. This includes the ability to laugh at yourself. The act of

laughing helps your body fight stress in a number of ways.

Take up a relaxation practice. Relaxation techniques such as yoga, meditation, and deep

breathing activate the body's relaxation response, a state of restfulness that is the

opposite of the fight or flight or mobilization stress response. As you learn and practice

these techniques, your stress levels will decrease and your mind and body will become
calm and centered.

Tip 7: Manage your time better

Poor time management can cause a lot of stress. When you're stretched too thin and

running behind, it's hard to stay calm and focused. Plus, you'll be tempted to avoid or cut

back on all the healthy things you should be doing to keep stress in check, like socializing

and getting enough sleep. The good news: there are things you can do to achieve a

healthier work-life balance.

Don't over-commit yourself. Avoid scheduling things back-to-back or trying to fit too

much into one day. All too often, we underestimate how long things will take.

Prioritize tasks. Make a list of tasks you have to do, and tackle them in order of

importance. Do the high-priority items first. If you have something particularly unpleasant

or stressful to do, get it over with early. The rest of your day will be more pleasant as a

result.

Break projects into small steps. If a large project seems overwhelming, make a step-by-

step plan. Focus on one manageable step at a time, rather than taking on everything at

once.

Delegate responsibility. You don't have to do it all yourself, whether at home, school, or

on the job. If other people can take care of the task, why not let them? Let go of the desire

to control or oversee every little step. You'll be letting go of unnecessary stress in the

process.

Tip 8: Maintain balance with a healthy

lifestyle
In addition to regular exercise, there are other healthy lifestyle choices that can increase

your resistance to stress.

Eat a healthy diet. Well-nourished bodies are better prepared to cope with stress, so be

mindful of what you eat. Start your day right with breakfast, and keep your energy up and

your mind clear with balanced, nutritious meals throughout the day.

Reduce caffeine and sugar. The temporary “highs” caffeine and sugar provide often end

with a crash in mood and energy. By reducing the amount of coffee, soft drinks,

chocolate, and sugar snacks in your diet, you’ll feel more relaxed and you’ll sleep better.

Avoid alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs. Self-medicating with alcohol or drugs may provide

an easy escape from stress, but the relief is only temporary. Don’t avoid or mask the issue

at hand; deal with problems head on and with a clear mind.

Get enough sleep. Adequate sleep fuels your mind, as well as your body. Feeling tired will

increase your stress because it may cause you to think irrationally.

Tip 9: Learn to relieve stress in the moment

When you're frazzled by your morning commute, stuck in a stressful meeting at work, or

fried from another argument with your spouse, you need a way to manage your stress

levels right now. That's where quick stress relief comes in.

The fastest way to reduce stress is by taking a deep breath and using your senses—what

you see, hear, taste, and touch—or through a soothing movement. By viewing a favorite

photo, smelling a specific scent, listening to a favorite piece of music, tasting a piece of

gum, or hugging a pet, for example, you can quickly relax and focus yourself.

[Read: Quick Stress Relief]

Of course, not everyone responds to each sensory experience in the same way. The key

to quick stress relief is to experiment and discover the unique sensory experiences that

work best for you.

More Information

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