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What Is Avoidant Attachment

The document discusses avoidant attachment, which occurs when a child's caregivers are emotionally unavailable or unresponsive. This causes the child to stop expressing emotions or seeking closeness as they learn it will not be met. Avoidant attachment can be seen in infancy when children appear calm but are still distressed when parents leave. As they age, children with avoidant attachment rely heavily on self-soothing and struggle to connect with others. Parents can prevent this by meeting their child's emotional and physical needs with warmth and responsiveness. Therapy can also help address attachment issues.

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FannyKaruniaRamadhani
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51 views

What Is Avoidant Attachment

The document discusses avoidant attachment, which occurs when a child's caregivers are emotionally unavailable or unresponsive. This causes the child to stop expressing emotions or seeking closeness as they learn it will not be met. Avoidant attachment can be seen in infancy when children appear calm but are still distressed when parents leave. As they age, children with avoidant attachment rely heavily on self-soothing and struggle to connect with others. Parents can prevent this by meeting their child's emotional and physical needs with warmth and responsiveness. Therapy can also help address attachment issues.

Uploaded by

FannyKaruniaRamadhani
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
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What Is Avoidant

Attachment?
It’s well known that the relationships a baby forms in the first years of their life
have a deep impact on their long-term well-being.

When babies have access to warm, responsive caregivers, they’re likely to


grow up with a strong, healthy attachment to those caregivers.

On the other hand, when babies don’t have that access, they’re likely to
develop an unhealthy attachment to these caregivers. This can affect the
relationships they form over the course of their lifetime.

A child who’s securely attached to their caregiver develops a range of


benefits, from better emotional regulation and higher levels of confidence to a
greater ability to show caring and empathy toward others.

When a child is insecurely attached to their caregiver, though, they may face a
range of lifelong relationship challenges.

One way a child can be insecurely attached to their parent or caregiver is


through an avoidant attachment.
What is avoidant attachment?
An avoidant attachment is formed in babies and children when parents or
caregivers are largely emotionally unavailable or unresponsive most of the
time.

Babies and children have a deep inner need to be close to their caregivers.
Yet they can quickly learn to stop or suppress their outward displays of
emotion. If children become aware that they’ll be rejected from the parent or
caregiver if they express themselves, they adapt.

When their inner needs for connection and physical closeness aren’t met,
children with avoidant attachment stop seeking closeness or expressing
emotion.

What causes avoidant


attachment?
Sometimes, parents may feel overwhelmed or anxious when confronted with a
child’s emotional needs, and close themselves off emotionally.

They might completely ignore their child’s emotional needs or needs for
connection. They may distance themselves from the child when they seek
affection or comfort.

These parents may be especially harsh or neglectful when their child is


experiencing a period of greater need, such as when they’re scared, sick, or
hurt.
Parents who foster an avoidant attachment with their children often openly
discourage outward displays of emotion, such as crying when sad or noisy
cheer when happy.

They also have unrealistic expectations of emotional and practical


independence for even very young children.

Some behaviors that may foster an avoidant attachment in babies and


children include a parent or caregiver who:

 routinely refuses to acknowledge their child’s cries or other shows of


distress or fear
 actively suppresses their child’s displays of emotion by telling them to
stop crying, grow up, or toughen up
 becomes angry or physically separates from a child when they show
signs of fear or distress
 shames a child for displays of emotion
 has unrealistic expectations of emotional and practical independence for
their child

What does it look like?


Avoidant attachment can develop and be recognized as early as infancy.

In one older experiment, researchers had parents briefly leave the room while
their infants played to evaluate attachment styles.

Infants with a secure attachment cried when their parents left, but went to
them and were quickly soothed when they returned.
Infants with an avoidant attachment appeared outwardly calm when the
parents left, but avoided or resisted having contact with their parents when
they returned.

Despite the appearance that they didn’t need their parent or caregiver, tests
showed these infants were just as distressed during the separation as the
securely attached infants. They simply didn’t show it.

As children with an avoidant attachment style grow and develop, they often
appear outwardly independent.

They tend to rely heavily on self-soothing techniques so they can continue to


suppress their emotions and avoid seeking out attachment or support from
others outside of themselves.

Children and adults who have an avoidant attachment style might also
struggle to connect with others who attempt to connect or form a bond with
them.

They might enjoy the company of others but actively work to avoid closeness
due to a feeling that they don’t — or shouldn’t — need others in their life.

Adults with avoidant attachment might also struggle to verbalize when they do
have emotional needs. They may be quick to find fault in others.

Can you prevent avoidant


attachment?
To ensure you and your child develop a secure attachment, it’s important to
be aware of how you’re meeting their needs. Be mindful of what messages
you’re sending them about showing their emotions.
You can start by ensuring that you’re meeting all of their basic needs, like
shelter, food, and closeness, with warmth and love.

Sing to them as you rock them to sleep. Talk warmly with them as you change
their diaper.

Pick them up to soothe them when they’re crying. Don’t shame them for
normal fears or mistakes, like spills or broken dishes.

What is the treatment?


If you’re concerned about your ability to foster this sort of secure attachment,
a therapist can help you develop positive parenting patterns.

Experts recognize that most parents who pass an avoidant attachment to their
child do so after forming one with their own parents or caretakers when they
were children.

These sorts of intergenerational patterns can be a challenge to break, but it’s


possible with support and hard work.

Therapists focusing on attachment issues will often work one-on-one with the
parent. They can help them:

 make sense of their own childhood


 begin to verbalize their own emotional needs
 begin to develop closer, more authentic bonds with others

Therapists focusing on attachment will also often work with the parent and
child together.
A therapist can help make a plan to meet your child’s needs with warmth.
They can offer support and guidance through the challenges — and joys! —
that come with developing a new parenting style.

Takeaway
The gift of secure attachment is a beautiful thing for parents to be able to give
their children.

Parents can prevent children from developing an avoidant attachment and


support their development of a secure attachment with diligence, hard work,
and warmth.

It’s also important to remember that no single interaction will shape a child’s
entire attachment style.

For example, if you usually meet your child’s needs with warmth and love but
let them cry in their crib for a few minutes while you tend to another child, step
away for a breather, or take care of yourself in some other way, that’s OK.

A moment here or there doesn’t take away from the solid foundation you’re
building every day.

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