The Motivation Con

Why Positive thinking doesn’t work and what to do instead!

By Jay Parekh
 Copywrite © 2022 by Jay Parekh.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form,
whatsoever.
http://jayparekh.co
The information in this book represents the view of the author as of the date of
publication. Due to the rate at which conditions change, the author reserves
the right to alter and update the information presented in this book at any
time. While every attempt has been made to verify the information in this
book, the author does not assume any responsibility for errors, inaccuracies or
omissions.
The information provided in this book is based on the author’s personal
experience, his research and his experience as a Coach. Before adopting any
recommendations made in this book, the reader should be discussed between
you and a medical professional. The author is not a doctor and disclaims any
responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or
alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application or
interpretation of the information provided in this book. Furthermore the
information provided in this book is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or
prevent any physiological or psychological disease.
 Table of contents
About the Author
Introduction
Chapter One: Why Willpower is not enough...
Change takes effort
The Limits of Willpower
The Dopamine – Seeking Reward Loop
The Science of Habits
The Modern day dilemma
Chapter Two: Your enemy is closer than you 'think'....
Chapter Three: Why Goal Setting is a complete waste of time...
Chapter Four: Planting the seed for change
Chapter Five: Sparking the Process of Transformation
Chapter Six: Removing the roadblocks that are in your way
Chapter Seven: Make your transformation Inevitable
Chapter Eight: Working with a System
Bonus
 About the Author

After working in the Corporate world for over a decade, Jay embarked on a

journey of self-discovery and personal transformation that changed the course

of his life forever. Now it is his goal to share the tools, systems, strategies and

the psychology that led him to success.

As a Speaker, he has impacted over 15000+ lives across 8 countries like India,

UAE, Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Malaysia, USA, South Africa and Indonesia over the

last 2 years alone. Besides that he has also spoken at events conducted by large

MNCs like SAP Concur on mental health and at Sports leagues such as Roots

Premiere League to improve the performance of their athletes. He has also

personally coached hundreds of clients including CEOs, serial and first time

entrepreneurs, world class athletes, and corporate professionals teaching them

how to unlock their inner potential, improve their performance to peak levels

and maximize their impact on the world, through a revolutionary 10 week

system!
 Jay is also mixed martial artist, an entrepreneur, a proven business strategist

and he uses his experience from the fight world, the business world and from

the knowledge he has gained from the best in the industry.

For more info visit his website, http://jayparekh.co/

You can also find Jay on social media:

http://www.instagram/jay.parekh.official/

http://www.facebook.com/jayparekhofficial/

http://twitter.com/jayparekhcoach/

http://www.linkedin.com/in/jayparekhonline
 Introduction

Let me get one thing straight before we start off. I have no personal qualms

with the idea of motivation, motivational speakers or positive thinking

proponents. And what I mean is that I don't think these people have bad

intentions, most of them anyway. However, I’m just going to come out and say

that ‘motivation’ and its close cousin ‘will power’ does not work when it comes

to long term sustainable change.

I’ve watched countless motivational videos, heard affirmation cds, read

positive thinking books and I’ve even attended self help seminars and

webinars. Maybe you’ve done this yourself, or maybe, this is the first time

you’re picking up a book on personal development. Now I’m not saying

motivational content is completely useless. Some of this stuff is fairly

entertaining, and there may even be some truth to it, and some have made me

feel better temporarily. I don’t want to paint everyone with the same brush but

the bottom line is that by itself motivation and positive thinking do not work

over long periods of time. You know how you know they don’t work? Because

nothing changes in life.

 Have you tried being motivated to go to the gym? How long did it last?

What about all those plans you have to start or expand your business? How

many of those are still a work in progress?

What does your bank account look like after those money affirmations?

When is the last time you made life changing money?

And how can anything change by merely thinking positively? Infact I’d say

unless you think negatively from time to time, nothing in your life will change.

When I was about to turn 30 and I realised that I’d spent my 20s doing nothing

except earning an income that paid for my bills and gave me some basic

pleasures in life, I nearly dipped into depression. I realised that if I were to

leave this planet that day, that I would have made no significant impact on the

world and worst of all I had not even tried.

What a wake up call! Now that “motivated” me to do something about it.

Was it enough? No! But it was a powerful catalyst that presented to me the

consequences of going with the flow and not making changes to my life.
 So, what do you want to accomplish in your life? Everyone has goals.

Something that we aspire to.

To have an extraordinary career or a thriving business that makes a real

difference in the world besides the money it makes you.

To look amazing, have phenomenal health, unbounded energy, and to live to

a ripe old age.

To create wealth and build assets and leave a legacy behind.

To have a loving relationship and maybe even raise a beautiful family.

To be the best at what we do and to live happy, fulfilled lives.

Broadly speaking these are the things most of us are in pursuit of in life in

one form or another.

And, all of us have great potential. I believe all of us can have everything that

we've ever dreamed of. But the truth is very few of us actually will. It’s not

because people need to be motivated or arent thinking positively. It’s because

most people will lose control of the single most important thing that remains a

fundamental pillar for all pursuits in life. You see, it's very simple - all of life's
goals are inadvertently tied to the mastery we have over the story we create

about our lives in our minds.

Think about it. Is your story helping you achieve your goals or is it standing in

your way? Think back to a time when you had to go the extra mile? Did you

have to fight your inner voice to push yourself, or did you dive in, ready and

willing to face the challenge? Think about the last time you were under a

massive amount of stress? How did you deal with it? Did you feel tired?

Overwhelmed? Did you fall sick?

Let’s take an area of our lives that I’d say is important for all of us. Your

Health. Lifestyle induced diseases when people don't prioritise their health are

the number one killers in the world today. According to the World Health

Organisation (WHO), there is an undeniable relationship between physical

activity, nutrition and diseases such as diabetes, heart disease, dental disease,

osteoporosis and even various kinds of cancer.

But those aren't the only reasons health is important. Call it vanity if you will,

but there's no denying the fact that there is a certain level of confidence to be

gained from looking the way you want to look. You have to admit that looking

fit changes the way you interact with the world, no matter how politically

incorrect it might be to admit this. In my opinion, it's not that it changes the
way you feel about yourself. Losing fat doesn't magically give you confidence.

Instead, I believe it's the person that you become internally in the process

which changes the way you feel about yourself. There's a transformation that

occurs at the core of your being which is where the confidence comes from.

Gaining mastery over one's health is considered to be the single most difficult

thing they can do. World-renowned Business Coach Tony Robbins once said

that losing weight was more difficult than running a million-dollar company.

Undoubtedly, you stand to gain an incredible amount of character in the

process of becoming healthy.

And if you really think about it, leading a healthy lifestyle is not that

complicated. Don't eat too much, eat healthy food most of the time, and

exercise four to five times a week. That's pretty much the gist of it. There's no

lack of information on how to do it either. It's no mystery. Go to google right

now and there's an unlimited amount of information out there from the top

experts in the world on how to lose those extra inches of belly fat. Why then

are the world's obesity rates the highest they've ever been? Why are diabetes,

heart disease and cancer among the top ten major causes of death today?

Shouldn't it be easier than ever to lose weight using the resources we have

available today?
 But it's not. Why?

When I was overweight, I tried every solution under the sun. I tried low carb

diets and fat free foods. I tried intermittent fasting, and eating six times a day. I

tried every workout I could think of that was available to me, from weight

lifting, to calisthenics, to fasted running. Truthfully, I did whatever I could

possibly do, and even after over a decade of trying, I was never happy with the

results.

I hadn’t realised it then, but I had made the mistake most people make on

the path to self improvement. I was looking for an external solution.

The fitness industry has exploded in the last fifty years. There are an endless

number of books that tell us what we should be eating, which supplements we

should be taking and what exercises we should be doing to "maximise"

weight-loss. There's YouTube videos, DVDs, online programs, all of them telling

us the best possible strategies that the experts themselves use. There are gyms

and fitness studios everywhere. Healthy food options are more available to us

than they ever were before. So why do most of us still not get the results that

we want?

Most weight loss programs, books, and advice, in general, don't give results.

People join the gym, get an exercise program and go on a diet and still fail to
get their bodies to look the way that they want. It’s not that the programs

themselves aren’t sound so what's going wrong here?

Well if you take a look at the fitness industry, all of the programs out there in

the market are information driven and not transformation driven. Every diet or

exercise program is marketed as the best one and the only one that is going to

give people results. These are essentially “info-programs”, and external

solutions for what is really an internal problem.

The reason these info-programs don't work is that they're not addressing the

actual root of the problem.

The Root of the problem

I had been overweight for most of my life. As a young child, I was the

definition of the couch potato nerd, spending very little time and energy on my

health. All I did was watch the TV all day and eat. In fact, I ate all the time to

curb my boredom. I would eat even when I wasn't hungry. And if I didn't have

to move, I wouldn't. I rarely went out to play with other kids. I avoided all

physical exertion like it was the plague because exerting myself would push me

out of my comfort zone. I couldn't stand being in pain, I was afraid of it, so I

never did anything that would give me even mild discomfort. I would

(figuratively) run away from anything that would stretch me beyond my limits. I
never did any extracurricular activities or participated in sports at school either.

And it wasn't that I didn't want to. I always daydreamed of being like the best

players at my school. I was obsessed with martial arts as a kid. I wanted to be

the strongest, I imagined myself as a superhero. All of my games were about

heroes that were powerful and strong, fighting against all odds. Girls have their

Barbie dolls, and boys have their action figures. I had my G.I. Joes and my

He-man figures. If anybody remembers those, especially He-man, you know

they were the very definition of exaggerated male macho-ness with physiques

to match.

When I was fifteen years old, my dad got me my first gym membership. And

so began my journey into the world of fitness. Do you know what going to the

gym changed for me?

You'd think after all these years, this would be my opportunity to make my

dream of becoming strong come true.

Well, here's what changed – pitifully little. Yes I started going to the gym a

few times a week. But progress was slow and eventually it stopped altogether. I

didn't give up though. I started looking for a way to keep improving. I read

articles & books and watched videos on how to lose weight. I devoured

information on fitness. I tried different diets, different exercises and routines. I

saw a little improvement but I was nowhere close to where I wanted to be.

Somewhere deep down I started believing that maybe I was never meant to be

fit. That, like some people, I was big-boned. Maybe I was, what in fitness terms

is called an "endotype", and I would never have the lean, muscular physique I

wanted. I continued going to the gym a few times a week, but in my mind, I had

given up. Motivation or positive thinking didnt work, because I didnt truly

believe things would ever change.

A few years later, my love for martial arts resurfaced and I started mixed

martial arts classes. I enjoyed martial arts, in fact, I still do, and practising

became something I did more out of passion than any other goal like fitness or

weight loss. Then, one fateful day, my life completely changed. I got the chance

to compete in mixed martial arts for the first time. A whirlwind of thoughts

raced through my mind when the opportunity presented itself to me. I was

afraid. Afraid of getting hurt, of underperforming, of embarrassing myself in

front of everyone. Maybe it was that kid in me that always wanted to be a

superhero, or maybe it was some unfulfilled drive deep inside me that wanted

me to prove myself. Regardless, I said yes.

I remember that I regretted saying yes the very next moment. At the same

time, there was no way I could look myself in the mirror if I backed out of the
match now. I have always believed that people should keep their word. I can't

stand people who don't. No matter how scared I was going to keep my word.

Things shifted for me that day because I had no way out and I had to rise to

the occasion. Even though I was in my mid-twenties, up till that day I was still a

fat kid in my head. But for me to go through with this I could no longer be that

fat, shy child that was afraid of extending myself beyond my limits. I had to step

out of my comfort zone to do this and in the process something changed.

Do you want to know what changed?

That's right - I changed.

And by extension, my body changed as well. In eight months I lost all the

extra weight and developed the physique I had always dreamed of. Scroll

through my Instagram "@jay.parekh.official" to see the difference. I became a

different person. People who met me could hardly recognize me anymore. I

could hardly recognize myself in the mirror. I realised that more than just my

body had changed. The way I lived had changed. My priorities had changed. My

thinking had changed. I didn't identify with being fat anymore. Instead, I

identified with being an athlete. My brain had rewired itself to this new identity

because it had no other option.

 I had leveraged my fear and had found a reason that drove me to push

myself way beyond my comfort zone. This wasn’t positive thinking, in fact I was

scared shitless leading up my match. On the day of the fight, after 3 gruelling

rounds, I lost my first match. But the truth is, that day I had gained more than I

had lost. I had won the war against myself. We all have a version of ourselves

that tries to protect us from greatness because it wants to protect us from

discomfort. We are constantly battling this version of ourselves. I had won this

battle that day by facing my fears, and in the process, I had changed.

This made me realise something. I had tried for years to change. I had read

everything I could, watched every video I could, potentially exhausted every

resource I could to lose weight and become fit. And then one decision changed

my life. That decision made me realise that change first comes from a strategic

rewiring of the mind.

Success doesn’t come from the perfect plan. It isn't about accumulating

more information. It isn't about reading more and more books. Plans don't

change people. People don't change people. You can’t motivate anyone. But

people CAN change themselves. The change lies within yourself. The best

version of yourself is already within you. All you have to do is move out of your

own way and let the best version of you take over. For things to change, your
psychology has to change. Even if you don't have the best plan, once your

psychology changes, your priorities will automatically change and the best plan

will come to you.

This isnt the positive thinking movement we’re talking about. There’s no way

you can force yourself to be happy by repeatedly telling yourself to be happy.

Willpower is a limited resource. Like the battery that starts the engine of your

car, it will eventually run out. There are better and easier ways for you to get

what you want in life.

That is why this book is not about giving you information on how to be

successful. There are no goal setting strategies and tactics here to help you

because the truth is that there's plenty of that available on the internet.

Through my work with my clients and my own research, I've written many

articles that will cover the mental and physiological strategies that you can use

to live an extraordinary life and you can find them on my website

www.jayparekh.co for free. However, none of them will work on their own.

Because strategy is only twenty per cent of the game. This book is about the

other eighty percent that nobody addresses. It's about the internal solution

without which change is impossible. What if you could pursue your goals in a
way that was effortless? Think about the things you do right now which don't

need any conscious effort. What comes to mind?

Food, watching netflix, video games, porn, sex, social media? Isn’t it strange

that we are magnetically drawn to atleast some of these things. While things

that we need to do to grow, like exercise, work on our business or career, read,

etc feel so difficult.

What if we could rewire our internal circuitry so that things worked the

other way around? What if work didnt feel like work? What if you were

magnetically drawn towards doing things that helped you build an

extraordinary life?

In this book I will share with you the tools and systems of internal change,

not motivation, but real change – the same system I use with my clients

whether they're entrepreneurs, corporate executives, homemakers or athletes,

to help them make the change that they want to make. It's about helping you

experience the same shift that I did. But where I experienced it almost by

accident, I aim to help you achieve the same results systematically by finding

your own powerful reasons for change, overcoming your own self-limiting
beliefs and finding a way to make your own action plan that works specifically

for you.

I've divided this book into three parts. The first three chapters will cover the

psychology of change and why it's so difficult in the first place. The next five

chapters detail my step by step process for changing your internal psychology

and gear it towards success.

I can't wait to see how your life changes through implementing the things

you're about to learn from this book. I've also included a few bonuses in this

book which you can take advantage of if you so choose to, because I want to

see you succeed! Turn to the bonuses section at the end of the book to learn

more about them.

Without further ado, let's get started!

 Chapter One: Why Willpower is not enough….

When I first started taking steps to change my life, I didn't get the results

right away. Everything in life carries with it momentum. Just like when you

brake your car, it doesn’t stop instantly. There’s lag time between the action of

braking and the outcome of stopping. Seeing a noticeable improvement in any

area of your life, whether it's your body, your finances or your love life takes

consistent effort over a period of time. You have got to give yourself some time

to reverse gears before you start seeing any change, especially if your life isn’t

going in the direction you want right now. And without the right processes in

place, it may never happen at all. Have ever felt like no matter what you do,

things don't improve? I certainly have. It took me 10 years of trial and error

before I finally found the missing link to acquire my dream body. However, once

I did that, it took me only a few more years to apply those processes into my

business and finances and transform those areas of my life as well. Without the

right mindset, it would have been impossible for me to even see the possibility

of any real difference.

Can I be honest with you though? That's a ludicrous amount of time and

completely unnecessary. Nobody needs decades to change. In fact, once I

finally figured out what I was doing wrong, the final transformation of my body
from fat to fit took only 8 months. When I found the secret blueprint that

worked for my business and finances, they transformed in only 3 months.

So, one of the reasons I developed my programs and started working with

people is so that I could help them avoid making the same mistakes that I

made. The first thing that you need to do to change is - accept the reality that

change takes time! You didn't get to your present state overnight, and you

won't get out of it overnight either. There is no magic formula that's going to

help you lose weight quickly. Change takes time. It can also be very difficult,

and here's why.

Change takes effort

In his book 'Thinking Fast and Slow', Israeli American Psychologist and

Economist, Daniel Kahneman mentions that there are two systems in the mind,

System 1 and System 2:

System 1 operates automatically and quickly with little or no conscious effort

from our side. There is no sense of voluntary control. This is the "intuitive" part

of the brain or the part of the brain that automatically repeats behaviour

without any conscious input.

 System 2 is the conscious part of the brain which takes part in allocating

attention to effortful mental activities. This is the "thinking" part of your brain

which takes part in voluntary mental tasks and requires effort.

You may have the impression that you consciously control every action that

you do. However, the truth is that the majority of our lives are run by the

automatic part of our mind i.e. System 1. We do this because using System 2,

that is the thinking part of our brain, requires effort and therefore energy. Our

minds are designed to relegate as many tasks as possible to System 1 to save

on energy. We explore why we've evolved this way a little later, but for now,

think about system 1 and how it operates. Have you ever got into your car in

the morning and reached your office without having any memory of the actual

drive? That's System 1 in action right there. Anytime you operate on autopilot

or do things against your better judgement, you can be sure System 1 is

involved somehow.

I believe that system 1 is nothing more than the primitive, reptilian part of

our brain whose job is to primarily control our emotions and learn & execute

basic response - reward patterns. I don't take credit for this idea, as I'm sure

somebody else has mentioned it before me. To understand how System 1

operates, let's take bike riding as an example. When you first start learning how
to ride a bicycle, it probably requires all of your mental efforts just to keep

balance. Then you must learn how to turn, how to speed up & slow down, and

judge space and speed to ride safely. This requires effort and is a System 2 task.

However, once you've learned how to ride a bike then you may never

consciously need to think about these things again. You can hop on and reach

your destination without a single thought about the actual mechanics of bike

riding entering your mind. This is System 1 taking over.

System 1 is really good at repeating learned patterns on autopilot. What's

more, using System 1 is much easier to do than engaging System 2. In practice,

it's much easier to stay in autopilot mode then it is to consciously act. To that

extent, System 1 serves a very important purpose in freeing up mental energy

on tasks that are of vital importance for our survival. All of our autopilot

behaviours are run by System 1 so that System 2 can focus on threats and how

to overcome them. The flipside though is that to change your behaviour

patterns you have to first override the autopilot behaviours run by System 1.

This requires conscious, sustained effort from System 2 which obviously takes

energy and is going to be overall harder to do then simply going with the flow

and letting System 1 do its thing.

 If you've ever tried setting good habits or breaking bad old ones, you've

experienced the strain of engaging system 2 to override system 1, and you

realise how difficult it can be. It's an uphill battle and no wonder so many

people have such a hard time changing. Eventually, all of us end up sliding back

down to our old system 1 ways.

The Limits of Willpower

When I first started training and looking after my health, I'll be perfectly

honest, I didn't enjoy it. It was difficult to drag myself at the end of a busy day

to exercise and even more difficult to wake up earlier in the morning. It took

even longer for me to start enjoying eating healthy. The problem was that I was

relying way too heavily on using willpower to try and do things I didn't want to

do. I was metaphorically dragging myself through the mud to get to where I

wanted to go.

A famous experiment by Social Psychologist Roy Baumister in 1998 shed light

on why this may be. In this experiment, one group of individuals were first

presented with a plate of delicious cookies but were asked to resist eating

them. This first task was designed to deplete the participant's willpower. Then

subsequently, the same participant was made to work on an unsolvable puzzle.

 The second group of participants were instead presented with a plate of

radishes and were then made to work on the same puzzle. Baumister found

that the first group of individuals that had already expended part of their

willpower got frustrated with the puzzle and gave up on it much faster than the

second group. Using what he found in this experiment and others, he proposed

a model where willpower worked like a muscle. Using it on one task would lead

to mental fatigue much like how exercising one muscle leads to muscular

fatigue. This made doing the following task more difficult. Baumister called this

phenomenon ego-depletion.

Applying these principles into your own life, think about all the possible

occurrences throughout the day that might be depleting you of your willpower.

Imagine a scenario where you wake up, short on sleep, and groggily push the

snooze button on your alarm only to jump out of bed when you realise you've

overslept. You're going to be late to work, so breakfast is out of the question.

You hurriedly jump in the shower and a quick rinse later, put on your work

clothes and be on your way. On your way to the office, a motorbike rider cuts

you off at the signal and makes you miss the green light. You want to curse out

at him, but you know better, so you hold your tongue. As you're about to enter

your office, you walk by that coffee shop and think to yourself that you should

pick something up to eat. After all, they say breakfast is the most important
meal of the day. You wanted to get the chicken sandwich, a healthy-ish option if

you can ignore all the mayo, but that muffin with the chocolate frosting looks

so good. Plus it would go along excellently with the large caramel latte which

you have to get because you really feel the need for that caffeine bump to start

your day. Ah! Muffin and latte it is.

Willpower is a limited resource and eventually fades. If you are over-reliant

on it, it will eventually and inevitably fail you. It's my experience to not rely on

willpower, but to use it strategically and only at the right time.

The Dopamine – Seeking Reward Loop

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter in the brain that drives most of our

behaviour. It's often been credited as the pleasure chemical because of the key

role it plays in the brain's reward-seeking system. It was discovered in 1958 by

Arvid Carlsson and Nils-Ake Hilarp at the National Heart Institute, Sweden and

besides pleasure it's also been found to have an important role to play in

thinking, moving, sleeping, mood, attention, motivation, learning and

behaviour (which includes our eating habits and exercise).

Of course, it's not the only neurotransmitter involved in these processes, but

understanding the dopamine model gives us a good basis for understanding

the biological underpinnings behind what guides behaviour in animals and

human beings.

The dopamine – seeking reward loop became apparent to scientists once

they realised that dopamine was released not only when you experience

pleasure but also when you anticipate it. This means that your brain gets a

dopamine kick not just out of receiving a reward but also out of expecting one.

Whenever you predict that a certain situation or opportunity will be rewarding,

your dopamine levels spike in anticipation. This is important because as

dopamine rises, so does our motivation to act. Therefore dopamine is an

essential piece of the puzzle if we are to find a way to actively change our set

behaviour patterns and install new ones.

To understand more about how dopamine works, consider how scientists

have observed its levels change in the brain. Dopamine levels were observed to

spike:

1) When the participant was given a new reward for the first time. As an

example, the first time you had French fries at McDonald's your brain's

dopamine levels spiked. By the way, there's a scientific reason why French fries

so predictably cause a major dopamine spike. They have been engineered by

food companies to be irresistible to our palates. They are manufactured to be

hyper-palatable.

2) When the participant was given a cue that was associated with the reward

and therefore initiated cravings for it. So if you love McDonald's french fries,

every time you see the yellow arches, by association you will start craving the

salty, crispy fries. Even imagining the arches could initiate anticipation of the

reward. I'm sure some of you reading this book might notice an increased

amount of salivation in your mouth.

Anticipating the reward promotes dopamine release in our brains and

therefore spurs our behaviour and gets us to act.

Interestingly, once the behaviour becomes automatic, dopamine levels

remain stable when you get the reward. Once you learn a new behaviour and it

becomes automatic, dopamine levels spike in anticipation of the reward but

remain stable when you actually experience it. So paradoxically the reward

starts feeling less and less rewarding over time. Ever seen some people reach

for a sugary dessert even though they are already full? Maybe you've even

noticed yourself doing the same? It's not necessarily the dessert you crave, but

the sugar-induced dopamine kick. The sweetness from regular food just doesn't

satisfy our cravings anymore. You see, at a chemical level that craving is a spike
in dopamine levels, which requires more intense and novel stimulation as you

get used to higher and higher doses of sugar. This is a dose that regular food

can't match up to. And so you have a choice, either you use willpower and stay

in an uncomfortable internal state where your craving goes unsatisfied, or you

give in to your craving but end up eating more than you know you should be. In

the end, it's a lose-lose situation for you and that's just the way your brain is

wired, for now.

In fact, if the anticipated reward does not follow the craving, dopamine

levels don't just remain the same - they drop. So, even if you say no to the

dessert, not only will the craving not go away, but the dopamine drop will put

you in a worse mood, and may intensify cravings. This is why the conditioned

response is so strong. Not only does dopamine increase our desire for the

dessert but it also creates disappointment if we are deprived of it. Ultimately,

you can see how the dopamine reward system can lead to habitual behaviour

that can sabotage the quality of our lives in a big way.

The Science of Habits

Speaking of habits, one of my favourite books on behaviour science is James

Clear's Atomic Habits. In it, he lays down the 4 phases of any habitual

behaviour.
 The first phase is the cue, which is any external stimuli that initiate

behaviour. In our previous example, it was McDonald’s arches or the sugary

dessert. Cues function as hints to where we might find rewards. In the

pre-modern era, the sight of a bright red apple would function as a cue that

would lead to a craving. In today's world, it's usually attractive food packaging

and other forms of advertising.

The cue initiates a craving, which is the 2nd phase of automatic behaviour.

The craving can be described as a strong desire, a motivation to act to obtain

the reward that the environmental cue has signalled. Without craving, we do

not have any reason to act. Cravings serve to change our internal states, and

that in turn motivates us to act. For example, we crave french fries or sugary

foods because of the satisfaction they provide. Smokers crave cigarettes to

relieve stress.

Response, which is the 3rd phase is the behaviour that you perform to satisfy

the craving. This constitutes the actual act of eating the french fries or the

dessert or smoking a cigarette.

Reward is the 4th and final phase, in the anticipation of which all the other

phases are dependent upon. Reward, first of all, takes the form of satisfaction,

which provides relief from the craving. It also helps us learn which behaviours
should be repeated and which shouldn't. A behaviour which results in a reward

is recognized by the brain as one that should be repeated when the

environmental cue presents itself again.

This 4 phase breakdown of the process that James Clear and his

predecessors came up with is super helpful in understanding how habits are

formed and maintained. They also shed light on how this exact process has put

us in the current health crisis that our world faces today. In the next section,

we'll look at what's happening in detail and why exactly it's really difficult to

change given our current environment.

The Modern day dilemma

Our modern lives today are choke-full of abundance of low quality

experiences and convenience to the point where our natural safeguards against

dopamine overload and the metabolic and mental dis-eases (and yes that

hypen is there on purpose) no longer function. Today, overconsumption of

information, of sex, of entertainment, and of food is extremely easy to do. Lets

take food as an example. Processed foods are made as palatable as possible by

companies to maximise profits. They do this by making processed foods out of

calorie-dense ingredients making liberal use of sugar, fat and artificial

flavourings. They also manipulate texture to make processed foods as

rewarding to our palate as possible. To make matters worse, there's more than

you can ever eat available to you almost all the time, through the convenience

of a button tap on an app or a simple phone call.

Our world wasn't always like this. Imagine for a minute how the world used

to be before the industrial revolution. A world before food factories,

convenience stores and large scale transportation. In this world, food wasn't as

abundant. Instead, it depended on crop yield or the spoils of hunting. It wasn't

easy to mass-produce food full of sugar and fat, while also making sure it

doesn't spoil. The priority, therefore, wasn't to satisfy our picky palates or make

profits off food sales. Instead, it was making sure everyone had enough to eat

and the food reserves were managed efficiently to avoid famine.

Similarly, if we wanted to get around in a world like that, most people would

have to walk a lot.

Anthropological studies of the hunter-gatherer society of the Hadza people

of Tanzania provides us with many insights into how early humans lived. The

Hadza diet mainly consists of whole foods such as wild game, tubers and

berries. On top of that, their activity levels are much higher on average than

people living in urban environments. They found that women walked an

average of 5 km while men walked an average of around 10 km, every day.

 Of course the Hadza is just one population, and the diets and lifestyles of our

ancestors varied greatly depending upon their environments. For example,

people living in lush, green environments would need to walk far less for food,

while those inhabiting arid or cold regions would have to travel far greater

distances, and base their diets on other foods.

Regardless, our evolved biology is still identical to that of our early human

ancestors. We are built to survive in much harsher environments, especially in

comparison to our modern world today. We mainly did this by staying active

and moving from place to place looking for food, and we generally ate food

that was much lower in calories. The challenges we face today are the

challenges of abundance and our biology isn't very well equipped to deal with

them.

Let's take a look at how it's so easy to overeat applying the points we've

covered in this chapter so far. The 4 phases of habit formation are Cue –

Craving – Response – Reward. Every day we are hit with a barrage of

advertisements for every product and convenience imaginable, including food.

Everywhere we look, there are colourful logos that strikeout, like the yellow

McDonald's arches, KFC's red logo, or Domino's dominos, tugging back and

forth at our attention. We are bombarded with delectable images and the
latest flavours, whether it's outdoors with large hoardings, on newspapers,

magazines, TV, videos and the internet. Wherever we go, there's no escaping

them, and they're here to stay.

All of these act as powerful cues that influence our behaviour. You may feel

that you are the exception and that you're immune to marketing but there's a

reason why companies spend millions of dollars on advertising every year. The

truth is it works. And so, over the last few decades the cues that initiate our

craving are not only ubiquitous but also purposefully engineered to be stronger

than ever. You may not even be hungry, but the carefully crafted photograph of

your favourite food, looking ever so tempting, is enough to get you to reach for

that cookie, or order that dessert or get the extra-large fries. Just imagining

your favourite food is enough, and if you were to close your eyes and do that

right now, you would notice slightly more saliva in your mouth.

Now that you have the craving i.e. an undesirable state that prompts you to

take action, you will decide to either proceed with a response that will satisfy

the craving or to stay in the undesirable state. This decision depends upon how

difficult the response behaviour is and whether you believe you can do it or

not, and how much energy the behaviour would require.

 Companies have tirelessly implemented tactics to make it easier and easier

to have us indulge ourselves using their services. It's good for their business if

it's easy to buy their products. From setting up multiple branches so that

there's always an outlet close to you, to taking orders on the phone, to using

mobile apps, so now you don't even have to speak to anyone to get your

favourite food delivered to you.

Finally, as I mentioned before, fast food is designed to be hyper-palatable.

It's engineered in such a way that it spikes our dopamine beyond natural levels.

As a result, regular food becomes boring and unable to satisfy our cravings. No

wonder we always find ourselves reaching for something that will cure that

dopamine itch.

Does it still seem like a mystery to you why shaking your bad eating habits

seems like such a monumental task? No doubt, our environments play a huge

role in our lives. But here's the thing - If you look closely enough, every aspect

of your life forms a cog in a system. For most people, they have no conscious

control over this and they become part of a system that is created by someone

else. You see, most of us are consumers, whether it's food, media, services or

something else but essentially, in this way, most of us are part of someone

else's system. Corporations and business owners will do whatever they can to
influence our behaviour in a way that maximises their profits. That is their

"system". Our personal wellbeing may not always factor into their equations.

And I do know a few in the food manufacturing business for whom customer

health trumps profits, but ultimately we must learn to take responsibility for

ourselves, shouldn't we?

Yes, the deck is not stacked in our favour. We are part of a system that

creates an environment where it's easy to over-consume. Currently, health

issues such as diabetes, obesity, heart disease and cancer are more common

than they have ever been. But realise that ultimately you have the choice. We

can choose which systems we want to be a part of. You may serve as a cog in

systems created by other people and continue to serve those systems if you

believe they benefit you in some way. I know there are systems that I enjoy

being a part of and will continue to be a part of. However, you also have the

freedom to sever ties with a system or choose when to be a part of it. In fact,

you can form your own system that serves you!

Unless you learn how to do this, you're not going to break out of your

existing patterns of behaviour, whether that’s in the area of health, wealth,

business, relationships or anything else you want to improve in life. This is

exactly what I help my clients with in my programs. My System helps people

change their internal world in a way that serves them and their goals in the

external world. Having such a system is what rewires your brain's reward

circuitry, helps you form healthy habits, gives you a powerful reason and a

support structure is the best way I have found to long term change that lasts!
 Note from the Author

Thank you so much for taking the time out to read the first chapter of my

new book. I’ve added you to the wait-list so you will be the first to know when

the full book is available! I truly appreciate you and I’m dedicated to making

this book the best resource for transformation that I can. Visit my website

http://jayparekh.co for more information.

Thanks again!

- Jay