By David LIN

2007
 Table of Content

Scoring Guide.................................................................................................................1
SCORE OF 6..........................................................................................................1
SCORE OF 5..........................................................................................................1
SCORE OF 4..........................................................................................................2
SCORE OF 3..........................................................................................................2
SCORE OF 2..........................................................................................................2
SCORE OF 1..........................................................................................................3
Essay 1............................................................................................................................4
Essay 2............................................................................................................................6
Essay 3............................................................................................................................8
Essay 4..........................................................................................................................10
Essay 5..........................................................................................................................12
Essay 6 .........................................................................................................................14
Essay 7..........................................................................................................................16
Essay 8..........................................................................................................................17
Essay 9..........................................................................................................................18

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Scoring Guide

The essay will be scored by experienced and trained high school and
college teachers. Each essay will be scored by two people who won't
know each other's score. They won't know the student's identity or
school either. Each reader will give the essay a score from 1 to 6 (6
is the highest score) based on the following scoring guide.

SCORE OF 6

An essay in this category demonstrates clear and consistent

mastery, although it may have a few minor errors. A typical essay

• effectively and insightfully develops a point of view on the issue and

demonstrates outstanding critical thinking, using clearly appropriate examples,
reasons, and other evidence to support its position
• is well organized and clearly focused, demonstrating clear coherence and
smooth progression of ideas
• exhibits skillful use of language, using a varied, accurate, and apt vocabulary
• demonstrates meaningful variety in sentence structure
• is free of most errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics

SCORE OF 5

An essay in this category demonstrates reasonably consistent

mastery, although it will have occasional errors or lapses in quality.
A typical essay

• effectively develops a point of view on the issue and demonstrates strong

critical thinking, generally using appropriate examples, reasons, and other
evidence to support its position
• is well organized and focused, demonstrating coherence and progression of
ideas
• exhibits facility in the use of language, using appropriate vocabulary
• demonstrates variety in sentence structure
• is generally free of most errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics

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SCORE OF 4

An essay in this category demonstrates adequate mastery, although

it will have lapses in quality. A typical essay

• develops a point of view on the issue and demonstrates competent critical

thinking, using adequate examples, reasons, and other evidence to support its
position
• is generally organized and focused, demonstrating some coherence and
progression of ideas
• exhibits adequate but inconsistent facility in the use of language, using
generally appropriate vocabulary
• demonstrates some variety in sentence structure
• has some errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics

SCORE OF 3

An essay in this category demonstrates developing mastery, and is

marked by ONE OR MORE of the following weaknesses:

• develops a point of view on the issue, demonstrating some critical thinking,

but may do so inconsistently or use inadequate examples, reasons, or other
evidence to support its position
• is limited in its organization or focus, or may demonstrate some lapses in
coherence or progression of ideas
• displays developing facility in the use of language, but sometimes uses weak
vocabulary or inappropriate word choice
• lacks variety or demonstrates problems in sentence structure
• contains an accumulation of errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics

SCORE OF 2

An essay in this category demonstrates little mastery, and is flawed

by ONE OR MORE of the following weaknesses:

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 • develops a point of view on the issue that is vague or seriously limited, and
demonstrates weak critical thinking, providing inappropriate or insufficient
examples, reasons, or other evidence to support its position
• is poorly organized and/or focused, or demonstrates serious problems with
coherence or progression of ideas
• displays very little facility in the use of language, using very limited
vocabulary or incorrect word choice
• demonstrates frequent problems in sentence structure
• contains errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics so serious that meaning is
somewhat obscured

SCORE OF 1

An essay in this category demonstrates very little or no mastery,

and is severely flawed by ONE OR MORE of the following
weaknesses:

• develops no viable point of view on the issue, or provides little or no evidence

to support its position
• is disorganized or unfocused, resulting in a disjointed or incoherent essay
• displays fundamental errors in vocabulary
• demonstrates severe flaws in sentence structure
• contains pervasive errors in grammar, usage, or mechanics that persistently
interfere with meaning

Essays not written on the essay assignment will receive a

score of zero.

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Essay 1
Without our past, our future would be a tortuous path leading to nowhere. In order to
move up the ladder of success and achievement we must come to terms with our past
and integrate it into our future. Even if in the past we made mistakes, this will only
make wiser people out of us and guide us to where we are supposed to be.

This past year, I was auditioning for the fall play, "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof." To my
detriment I thought it would be a good idea to watch the movie in order to prepare.
For two hours I studied Elizabeth Taylor's mannerisms, attitude, and diction, hoping I
could mimic her performance. I auditioned for the part of "Maggie" feeling perfectly
confident in my portrayal of Elizabeth Taylor, however, I was unaware that my
director saw exactly what I had been thinking. Unfortunately, I didn't get the part, and
my director told me that he needed to see "Maggie" from my perspective, not
Elizabeth Taylor's.

I learned from this experience, and promised myself I would not try to imitate another
actress, in order to create my character. Perservering, I was anxious to audition for the
winter play just two months later. The play was Neil Simon's "Rumors," and would
get the opportunity to play "Chris," a sarcastic yet witty role, which would be my final
performance in high school. In order to develop my character, I planned out her life
just as I thought it should be, gave her the voice I thought was right, and the rest of
her character unfolded beautifully from there. My director told me after the first show
that "Rumors" was the best work he'd ever seen from me, and that he was amazed at
how I'd developed such a believable character. Thinking back to my first audition I
was grateful for that chance I had to learn and to grow, because without that mistake I
might have tried to base "Chris" off of someone I'd known or something I'd seen
instead of becoming my own character. I utilized the memory of the Elizabeth Taylor
debacle to improve my approach to acting and gave the best performance of my life
so far.

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Why this Essay Received a Score of 6
This essay effectively and insightfully develops its point of view ("In order to move
up the ladder of success and achievement we must come to terms with our past and
integrate it into our future") through a clearly appropriate extended example drawing
on the writer's experience as an actor. The essay exhibits outstanding critical thinking
by presenting a well-organized and clearly focused narrative that aptly illustrates the
value of memory. The essay also uses language skillfully, demonstrating meaningful
variety in sentence structure ("To my detriment I thought it would be a good idea to
watch the movie in order to prepare. For two hours I studied Elizabeth Taylor's
mannerisms, attitude, and diction, hoping I could mimic her performance. I auditioned
for the part of "Maggie" feeling perfectly confident in my portrayal of Elizabeth
Taylor, however, I was unaware that my director…"). Despite minor errors, the essay
demonstrates clear and consistent mastery and is scored a 6.

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Essay 2
Memories act as both a help and a hinderance to the success of someone. Many
people advise you to learn from the past and apply those memories so that you can
effectively succeed by avoiding repeating your past mistakes. On the other hand,
people who get too caught up with the past are unable to move on to the future.

Elie Wiesel's memoir Night perfectly exemplifies the double nature of memories.
Wiesel, a Jewish man, suffered heavily throughout the Holocaust and Night is rife
with horrific descriptions of his experience. These memories help to spread the view
of what life was like. Through recounting these memories, Wiesel is able to educate
world readers about the atrocities committed in hopes that the same blatant violations
of human rights are never repeated again. Through reliving the Holocaust through his
writing, Wiesel was inspired to become proactive in the battle for civil rights. Some
would point to his peaceful actions and the sales of his book and label him a success.

Despite the importance of recounting such memories, Wiesel acknowledges the

damage that memories can also cause. Following his liberation from the Auschwitz
concentration camp, Wiesel was a bitter, jaded man. He could not even write Night
until several years later. The end of the novel describes Wiesel's gradual but absolute
loss of faith throughout the experience. His past experiences haunted him for several
years, rendering him passive. It was not until he set aside his past that he could even
focus on the future. Had he remained so consumed with the pain and damage caused
in the past, he may never have achieved the success that he has attained.

Overall, Wiesel's experiences exemplify the importance of the past as a guide.

Wiesel's past experiences helped to guide him in later life, but it was not until he
pushed them aside that he could move on. To me this means that you should rely on
your past without letting it control you. Allow your past to act as a guide, while
making sure that you are also living in the present and looking to the future.

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Why this Essay Received a Score of 6
This essay exhibits outstanding critical thinking by effectively and insightfully
developing its point of view ("you should rely on your past without letting it control
you") through the clearly appropriate example of Elie Wiesel's Holocaust memoir,
Night. The essay demonstrates clear coherence and smooth progression of ideas,
carefully contrasting Wiesel's success in using his memories to gain attention for his
cause with the difficulty Wiesel faced in dealing with those same powerful memories.
The essay uses language skillfully to convey Wiesel's struggle ("Despite the
importance of recounting such memories, Wiesel acknowledges the damage that
memories can also cause. Following his liberation from the Auschwitz concentration
camp, Wiesel was a bitter, jaded man. He could not even write Night until several
years later"). The essay demonstrates clear and consistent mastery and receives a 6.

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Essay 3
Memories and past experiences serve as a rail, a guiding support, for people in an
effort to succeed in the present. People not only learn from the past, but the very act
of going through something provides experience for a person who is to "move up the
ladder of success and achievement".

Some view failed experiences as a hinderance to future success. This is very untrue
because history has a tendency of repeating itself, and in recognizing past failures,
one can learn how to successfully approach similar situations in the future. An
example of this is looking back in history to WWI. Sedition acts at this time allowed
for the imprisonment of anyone who voiced an opinion against the president, or
against the war. America recognized this shady time in its past, and instead of
covering it up in a movement towards a more democratic nation, these acts were
published in textbooks and taught to students. Americans saw the poor judgement of
this situation and later with the war in Iraq, approached "patriotism" differently. With
this present war, those adverse to the war are able to voice their opinions without fear
of imprisonment or death. In seeing the undemocratic ways of an earlier era, America
was able to recognize the bad and try to reform it. If the Sedition Acts had been
forgotten then what is to say that they wouldn't come back? Remembering the failed
times insures that improvement is possible.

In my personal experience, I have found that the very act of living through something
not only matures me, but also provides skills and knowledge. In remembering past
events, I am able to use them as reference, and sometimes assurance. A personal
example, somewhat juvenile, but also effective, is when my first pet died. I was
devastated and wanted to just clear my mind of the event, but I didn't. After time, I
recovered, but maintained the memory of this horrible tragedy. Later in life, another
pet died. I looked back to that memory as a guide and learned from it that in time I
would be fine and to just hang on. In this situation, a memory served as a reference
and catalyzed in my personal growth and recovery.

Memories, good or bad, assist people in obtaining success. Whether used as reference
for guidance, or lessons on what not to do, past experiences can only offer a gap

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between the steps on the ladder of success. Forgetting the past can and will only erase
experience and knowledge from a person and in affect hinder one in seeking
achievement. In looking at historical repeats and personal events, it is clear that old
memories can only aid in success.

Why this Essay Received a Score of 5

This essay effectively develops its point of view ("Memories and past experiences
serve as a rail, a guiding support, for people in an effort to succeed in the present")
through the appropriate examples of dissent during wartime and grieving for a pet,
thus demonstrating strong critical thinking. Well organized and focused, the essay
demonstrates coherence and progression of ideas ("In seeing the undemocratic ways
of an earlier era, America was able to recognize the bad and try to reform it. If the
Sedition Acts had been forgotten then what is to say that they wouldn't come back?
Remembering the failed times insures that improvement is possible"). The essay also
uses appropriate vocabulary and demonstrates effective variety in sentence structure.
To earn a 6, this writer needs to achieve smoother progression of ideas by using
language more skillfully (the phrase "past experiences can only offer a gap between
the steps on the ladder of success" seems to express the opposite of what the writer
intends). The essay demonstrates reasonably consistent mastery and receives a 5.

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Essay 4
I agree with Ms. Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot in saying that some people "see old
memories as a chance to reckon with the past and integrate past and present." Many
people are so troubled by things that happened in their past that they are not able to
focus on the present. For example, in the book Ceremony, by Leslie Marmon Silko,
Tayo, the main character, can not concentrate on the present because he constantly
hounds himself over things that happened during World War II and his troubled
childhood. However, past memories can help people to succeed in the present. An
historical example of people learning from the past would be the Marshall Plan. After
the conclusion of World War II there were many countries around the world in need of
economical assistence to help rebuild their war torn countries, and the United States
would have to be the one to provide that assistence. Many American politicians
thought it was foolish for the US government to spend money abroad on countries
that would not be able to repay the loan for a long time. However, George Marshall, a
former general and later Secretary of State under President Truman, remembered how
the exact same argument of "why should we spend money on war torn nations that
really owe us reparations?" had been used after World War I towards Germany. The
lack of assistance towards Germany after World War I had caused a gigantic economic
depression in Germany that had made the Mark (German money) virtually worthless.
The German people became so desperate that they started supporting an extreme
German nationalist named Adolf Hitler, who eventually started World War II.
Marshall knew that if the US did not help war torn Germany and, especially, Japan,
we could eventually have a World War III on our hands.

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Why this Essay Received a Score of 5
This focused essay effectively develops its point of view and demonstrates strong
critical thinking ("Many people are so troubled by things that happened in their past
that they are not able to focus on the present. . . . However, past memories can help
people to succeed in the present"). The essay uses appropriate reasoning and examples
and demonstrates coherence and progression of ideas ("Many American politicians
thought it was foolish for the US government to spend money abroad on countries
that would not be able to repay the loan for a long time. However, George Marshall . .
. remembered how the exact same argument . . . had been used after World War I
towards Germany"). The essay also exhibits facility in the use of language. To earn a
score of 6, the writer needs to achieve clearer coherence and smoother progression of
ideas by integrating the example of Ceremony more effectively into the overall essay,
perhaps through an extended comparison of Tayo's and Marshall's experiences of
World War II. The essay demonstrates reasonably consistent mastery and is scored a
5.
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Essay 5
Interestingly enough, I fall in the middle of these statements. I believe that one should
remember the past and learn from those events. However, I also believe that many bad
memories harm the present and the future. The only way to continue, many times, is
to forget and forgive.

My brother, who is college, has proved to me the importance of getting good grades
and actively participating in extracorrecular activities. These two ideas helped him to
get into the prestegious college of the University of Notre Dame. His education there
will allow him to have a prosperous career as an adult. Reviewing these facts and
ideas has led me to believe if I do the same, I will have a similar promising career.
Consequently, I have gotten good grades and have seen interest from many
prestigious programs.

Through my knowledge, I have learned that in many bad instances, time to forget is
very important. Ireland, for example, had been persecuted for many hundreds of years
from 1000 AD to 1900 AD. After being granted the Irish Free State, they attacked
many parts of Britain for retribution of those many years of being oppressed.
Consequently there has been on going hostility between the two peoples. This
hostility has cost the lives of many hundreds of people. A quote once said, "Violence
begets violence" is the perfect phrase for this warfare. The only way to stop the loss of
life is to forget and forgive; start anew.

Different situations require different actions to proceed in a positive manner. Many

times, people are required to use both elements. For example, let's forget this part and
concentrate on how to bring this positive part into light. Both of the ideas on
remembering and forgetting have their reasons for existing and both are positive.

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Why this Essay Received a Score of 4
This essay provides adequate reasons and examples to support both aspects of its
point of view ("I believe that one should remember the past and learn from those
events. However, I also believe that many bad memories harm the present and the
future"), thus demonstrating competent critical thinking. The essay is generally
organized and focused and features coherence and progression of ideas. Facility in the
use of language is adequate, despite some inconsistencies ("Through my knowledge, I
have learned that in many bad instances, time to forget is very important"). The essay
also has some errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics. To earn a higher score, the
writer should provide additional appropriate evidence and use critical thinking to
extend the discussion of situations in which "people are required to use both
elements." The essay demonstrates adequate mastery and receives a 4.
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Essay 6
The point of making mistakes is to learn from them. If you don't learn from what you
do wrong, then making mistakes has no silver lining, it is purely bad. I have come to
believe this through personal experience and watching others.

When climbing the "ladder of success," each step gets you closer to the top. Therefore
each step is a mistake that you learned from, a good decision, or even a stroke of luck.
How could a person climb that ladder without each and every wooden rung to help
them? I am human, therefor, far from perfect, I make mistakes all of the time and I am
a better person because of that. You could almost say that the more mistakes a person
makes, the stronger a person they are, assuming of course that they learn from them.

As a child I stole cookies from the cookie jar, lied to my parents (still happens every
once in awhile), and played tricks on my brothers. I, in turn, got in trouble with my
parents and was punished. After that I learned that those things aren't okay. Now I
tend to make different mistakes, such as, going to places that aren't safe for me, and
giving up when things get hard. Life is a huge cycle of making mistakes and learning
from them. That is why people can become so wise and strong in what they do, they
make good out of the bad.

I also see people close to me using problems and mistakes to make a good situation
out of a bad one. My parents, my brothers, and my closest friends are all slowly
building up the knowledge to be successful. How can a person be more successful by
forgetting what they have already learned? That doesn't push you forward it just holds
a person back. Even if a person wanted to forget their past, they couldn't. It's like
forgetting that if a stove is turned on and you touch it, it will burn you.

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Why this Essay Received a Score of 4
This essay develops a point of view ("Life is a huge cycle of making mistakes and
learning from them") with adequate reasons and examples, thus demonstrating
competent critical thinking. Generally organized and focused around the notion that
remembering past learning experiences is crucial for success, the essay is marked by
coherence and progression of ideas ("As a child I stole cookies from the cookiejar,
lied to my parents . . . , and played tricks on my brothers. I, in turn, got in trouble with
my parents and was punished. After that I learned that those things aren't okay. Now I
tend to make different mistakes"). The essay also exhibits adequate facility in the use
of language, despite some errors ("I am human, therefor, far from perfect, I make
mistakes all of the time and I am a better person because of that"). To attain a higher
score, the writer needs to support and extend the essay's argument with additional
focused examples of people learning, or not learning, from their experiences. The
essay demonstrates adequate mastery and is scored a 4.
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Essay 7
Memories can be helpful to some and hinder others. I believe that memories from
different aspects of ones life have different consequences. One memory may be bad
and it may be best forgotten about, when trying to succeed. Though some memories
may give on strength to suceed in achieving a higher status in life.

When a person completes a task they have done once before, it trigers a memory and
lets the reader reflect on that particular time in life. For example, a sporting team at
the local high school makes it to the state championships, but severly loses to their
opponent, the next time they get to the state championships they may think about the
past and how they lost before, and it may hinder there feelings and they may once
again lose. This demonstrates how a memory can ruin a certain activity for ever. On
the other hand a memory can also help someone to move up the ladder of success. As
an example if a person has cancer and is given treatment then diagnosed in remission
they feel like they have beat the cancer.

When the patient in remission is later told that the cancer has grown back, the patient
might feel that they can kill the cancer again because when looking at the past they
see they have beat it once why not beat it again. This demonstrates how a memory can
be helpful to a person. In this case it did not help the person climb the ladder of
success though it helped the to continue climbing the ladder of life to the extent that
they were able to climb.

Those two short examples just go to demonstrate how memories of the past can both
help and hinder a person in their path of not only success but also in the path of life.

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Why this Essay Received a Score of 3
This essay develops a point of view ("Memories can be helpful to some and hinder
others") and shows some critical thinking by providing examples of the positive and
negative effects of memories. However, the examples are limited in focus, featuring
some lapses in coherence and progression of ideas, and are thus inadequate to support
the position. The essay also demonstrates occasional problems in sentence structure
and mechanics. To achieve a higher score, this writer needs to use critical thinking to
clarify and expand each example by adding additional focused reasoning and details.
The writer also needs to avoid using run-on sentences (". . . when looking at the past
they see they have beat it once why not beat it again"). The essay demonstrates
developing mastery and earns a 3.

Essay 8
I think it is wrong to believe that to move up the ladder of success and achievement,
that they must forget the past, repress it, and relinquish it. Everything you did and saw
in the past helps you to move on. Every single happy moment, every mistake you
make is getting a part of you. Your actions become habits which creates your
personality and helps you to make your own experience. Therefore memories help
people in their effort to learn from the past and succeed in the present. Everything we
do has to do with our experiences in the past, the way we get along with people or
treat them, the way we turn out to be an adult. If you don't live with making your own
decisions, mistakes, and your experience with people and the world or school you
won't have any examples to compare or to handle any coming situations in the future.
If you get everything told you by someone, you will always wait for other people to
make decisions for you and won't have your own point of view. For succeed you have
to know what you want, to find that out, you have to have been through some difficult
situations in the PAST.

Why this Essay Received a Score of 2

Although it expresses a point of view ("I think it is wrong to believe that to move up
the ladder of success and achievement, that they must forget the past, repress it, and
relinquish it"), this essay is seriously limited, exhibiting weak critical thinking,
insufficient use of evidence, and serious problems with progression of ideas. The
essay also demonstrates frequent problems in usage, grammar, and sentence structure.
To achieve a higher score, the writer needs to develop the point of view with reasons
and specific examples instead of merely repeating the same vague ideas ("Everything
you did and saw in the past helps you to move on. . . . Everything we do has to do

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with our experiences in the past"). The essay demonstrates little mastery and is scored
a 2.

Essay 9
My oppion on this topic are oposing memories and favoring them. People do succed
with repeating their memories. They might have horrible memories but also succeed
because they don't repeat the past. I also think memories should not rule the present. If
you let the past overcome the preset you won't get any where. This is why memories
should be guidelines, not rules. If you repeat the past it won't come out as well as it
did because the world has changed. See the past will never change with the world, but
the world will change to overcome the past. So in conclusion don't forget the past or
live in it, and the past is only guidelines.

Why this Essay Received a Score of 1

This minimal essay demonstrates very little mastery, offering only a collection of
general ideas in support of the writer's point of view ("don't forget the past or live in
it, and the past is only guidelines"). The evidence presented is disorganized and
unfocused, resulting in a disjointed essay. To earn a higher score, this writer needs to
provide additional focused evidence that develops the point of view, including
specific examples. The essay demonstrates very little mastery and receives a 1.

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