PESI

Suicide Prevention Summit

Suicidal Parts
Sept. 10, 2021

>> ZACH TAYLOR: But we have made it. I think the electric has happened over
the last two days, if you are feeling a little overstimulated and your brain is just sort
of full of ideas, you are not alone. I think -- this has been just incredible event
where every door we have opened has led us to four more -- doors, every time but
speaker shares an incredible idea, statistic, concept, it's comes to lead to even more
questions. The whole point of the summit was to open the doors so --in short
presentation so you can take these ideas and dive deeper more extensive trainings
afterwards. I know having sides of the last two days myself that tens of thousands
of clinicians are now, to walk into their offices on Monday or maybe tomorrow on
the weekend if you are a weekend warrior, with new ideas. I don't know about you
but it would be hard to believe that someone's life will not change after the summit.
From what they have learned here. The biggest question of all has been who do we
end this thing with and how do we wrap it up and I could not get anybody better
than our next speaker, one of my favorite people and clinicians, he has become a
lead trainer among those internal family systems therapists and has a new book on
Transcending Trauma and a longtime speaker and writer for Psychotherapy
Network--I want to get him on the stage and welcome Dr. Frank Anderson .

>> FRANK ANDERSON: Hello there. Thank you. .

>> ZACH TAYLOR: You are going to lead us out the door with his new
compensation I do not think anyone has even mentioned IFS. and the floor is yours.

>> FRANK ANDERSON: I really appreciate it and I want to say a big thank you to
Zach and Sarah and all those at PESI. I know this is near and dear, this topic to so
many people's hearts and I am just grateful to the folks at PESI for putting on
something like this it is such an important topic and a painful topic for so many
people and there is so much to be done with this issue of suicide.

I am a little overwhelmed by that introduction and I am also honored, honestly, to

be able to close out this summit for everybody here. It sounds like it's been
incredibly powerful and moving lots been accomplished here as Zach said swamp
grateful to be a part of the semi gets one of the things I would like to do is let
everybody for a moment about like let us take a moment and go inside, this is what
we do in IFS and I will tell you a little bit about IFS certainly as it relates to Suicidal
Parts but take a moment and go inside and shift the focus of your intention
internally, and notice what comes up for you as you are ending this summit right
now. Are you stimulated and overwhelmed? Are you hopeful? Have you learned
some new things? Are you exhausted both physically and emotionally? Just notice
what is going on inside. Through thoughts feelings and physical sensation,
whatever is happening in your body and see if you can just be with what showing
up right now. With whatever is showing up right now.

Be with whatever is showing up with some curiosity, compassion and open

heartedness. Even if it feels negative on the surface. For some of you that might be
challenging or difficult to think about it is an important piece here of embracing and
what feels negative. On the surface because often there is a jewel of wisdom, there
is healing, there is potential and opportunity in every adversity.

IM here as we all are to make a difference and bring love and compassion and help
heals us.

hold that opportunity

I hold gratitude for all the hard work everyone is doing out there, for the ways that
everyone is trying to make the world a better place. I think we are all building a big
web of interconnectedness to bring more healing, love and compassion to the
world. So thank you for being a part of that journey. When you are ready maybe
you can gently shift your attention back into the room and onto the stage if you will.

And I am excited to talk about -- I would say for some, probably a whole different
way, a whole different view, turn this discussion, this dialogue of suicidality on its
head. One of the things that I will say out of the gate, I will give you a little bit of an
overview of IFS, some of you know it well and some people are not familiar with it.
It is an individual model of therapy. I will give a brief overview but we will clearly
specifically talk about IFS, Internal Family Systems as it relates to Suicidal Parts as
fix in IFS. Dick Schwartz, who is of founder of the model is a friend of mine and this
model I can say has personally transformed my life.

I think it can do that for many people when you hear a little bit about the way IFS
approaches symptoms, diagnoses and suicidal thoughts and ideation in the main
thing that I will stay out of the gate is IFS believes that everybody has Parts-- I guess
I will show my slide now as I jump into this.
You all have copies of these of course. From the IFS perspective, everybody has
Parts art made up the series of Parts which is different than what I grew up with in
my psychiatric training many years ago. I was taught that if you have Parts it is
pathological and something wrong with you and our job of a therapist is to
eliminate the parts and make someone whole again. IFS has a different belief
about that we believe that everybody has parts of themselves and that all parts are
welcome. I will say that again. All parts are welcome. I would say suicidal parts are
some of the parts people have the toughest time appreciating, getting to know and
believe it or not loving. And this is where I think therapists get the most triggered
dealing with Suicidal Parts but from the IFS perspective everyone has parts and all
parts are welcome and then all parts of positive intentions which is something
difficult to understand for some people. So many clients I work with have suicidal
parts they go into the emergency room and try to eliminate the suicidal parts
hospitalized and log people up because of suicidality because it is and in Norma's
fear in our field of mental health around these feelings and actions. I will not be
nave and say that if somebody is in a state of feeling depressed suicidal and
overwhelmed at the act on those impulses it can have serious and severe
consequences. But it is a temporary state for a permanent consequence which is
why I think everyone gets so overwhelmed but the thing I want to bring new
attention is if you think about the suicidal ideation or impulse for action X any part
with the positive intention it is a changer. And this is challenging for therapists. It is
challenging for culture and challenging for society because as therapists or clients,
certainly as therapists if one of our clients it's suicide we will get stood in the legal
system will come after us and culture and society will say that we have failed so that
is a piece that triggers and activates almost anybody working with suicidal clients so
for you to effectively embrace the IFS perspective on its positive intention of the
suicidal part, you will have to deal with all your own parts.

And I do not really know anybody -- I haven't met anybody yet who has not been
touched personally affected and know somebody who has been in this arena of
suicidality whether their own personal experience and struggle or at your loved one
or friend or acquaintance. So we all have parts up around suicidality, actions and
thoughts to enter we all have this fear attached to it and this desire to stop it. In
some ways, is this summit here to stop people from being suicidal? Not from the
IFS perspective it is not. As Suicidal Parts blessing it is an opportunity to embrace it
and learn about it and have new ideas on questions of new ways to work with that's
important and powerful issue.
I hope I have not lost too many of you and I will continue to talk about this and I will
give you some personal examples, I do say that as much as I can teach and I try to
do this as much possible, teach therapists and individuals to embrace, to embrace
those --suicidal impulses and thoughts and ideas because there is a pearl of
wisdom and a jewel inside of them that we need to get in touch with. I could get
emotional about this and this is something that I wrote in the book called
Transcending Trauma -- the awareness that suicide, the suicidal parts is a lack of
loving connection. Of everyone that I am aware of that holds those beliefs and
feelings, they have lost a very important connection. Either a connection with
people in their lives they loved and felt close to. They lost connection to themselves
internally which I will talk about.

For immediate suicide is a lack of loving connection at the antidote if you will is love
and connection. The antidote to suicide is love and connection. The antidote to
Suicidal Parts's love and connection. These parts which I will talk about a little bit
more for those who do not know what I am talking about our desperate, they are
not first responders, they are at last responders. When everything else fails inside,
when nothing else is working from the IFS perspective, Suicidal Parts show up in
there the last responders when everything else fails they show up and I think it is
important for us to have that awareness and to embrace the severity, the
importance and the desperation that these suicidal parts hold within themselves.
Often times, really often times, suicidal parts really do not have the intention of
dying. They do not have the intention of ending one's life, they have the intention
of stopping the pain. They have the intention of stopping the pain. And this is a
thing that is very important for me and important for me to share with everybody
so that you have a slightly different orientation, of slightly different curiosity, slightly
different openness to being with someone when they are feeling suicidal or
expressing suicidal thoughts or feelings, most of us do not ask and it is for me like
cancer, gosh we do not talk about cancer, don't ask anybody about their cancer.
The same thing it's true for suicidal thoughts and for me it is that engaging in
connection. Are you feeling suicidal, are you having any thoughts about ending
your life?

Are you having any concerns for action that is moving toward it, not moving away
from it? Moving toward it. And in order to do that of course you will need to
process and deal with all of your own personal stuff around suicidal feelings. So, if
you can take away anything from what I am saying today, it is this possibility, this
option of looking at suicide from a different perspective and embracing it for its
value and embracing it for its positive intention and I will talk about this in a bit
from the IFS perspective, creating the opportunity to hear the wound that is
underneath the suicidal part. Most Suicidal Parts are more protective in nature --
and I will tell you about that in a moment -- but they are mostly protective
responses to underlying pain. And instead of pushing the pain away we want to
move toward the pain and heal the pain, so that the suicidal part no longer needs
to do that job. This is the IFS view and the IFS perspective.

Back up a little bit and then we will move forward with some of these slides. So IFS
is rooted in systems thinking and multiplicity of the mind. Everybody has multiple
parts, it is a normal part of our personality, and we are born with them from the IFS
perspective. And each series of parts are organized in different systems. There is a
system if we have had a difficult or overwhelming experience in our life a series of
parts will coalesce around a certain wound or difficult experience we have a series
of parts created in a system that are there to protect the wound. And these parts
can come in different forms.

We all have parts and they are welcome and we all have good intentions including
suicidal parts and we have this thing which IFS call self-energy, this inherent
wisdom and healing capacity within. Yes, even your most "severe" and "sickest"
and I'm putting that" because I don't believe in those terms. I think sick and severe
is a cultural phenomenon in a way seemingly sick and seemingly severe people
have self-energy. Have this internal resource, have natural inherent healing
capacity within. And many of our clients who struggle and suffer a lot do not even
have access to that resource within, and they do not feel like they have that
resource with an infidel broken and empty and all alone with no self which of
course is why the suicidal part will show up to push that pain away.

A little more about these parts.

A little bit more about parts from the IFS perspective. There are type the parts from
the IFS perspective, there are parts that protect and parts that are a --the parts that
protect, suicidal parts are one of those in the parts that protect come into different
categories and they are preventative parts and extreme reactive parts and I will
explain those in a moment those preventative parts, or as IFS likes to call them,
managers, they work hard to prevent bad things from happening in our life and we
all have these parts. Everybody does hard-working, they are present, ever present,
they run our day-to-day lives. and are exhausted by the way these are the parts of
us that love to take medication, give me to Prozac, give me three! they are
desperate for help, and they are working hard and they often believe they are the
self. I would say for myself personally I have a really strong intellectual part and I
thought that is who I was, I am smart, I am smart that is me.

It was in identity crisis honestly when I had this epiphany wow that is just a part of
me, I have many other dimensions to myself. So these manager high functioning
preventative parts often think they are the person and they are us but I am John, I
am Frank, this kind of thing.

These Parts that work so hard are afraid of the extreme parts which I will talk about
in a moment but I want to first be some examples of some preventative parts.
These are parts that want to be perfect and in control and try to please, want to be
liked and try to be funny, caretaking parts. Parts that avoid conflict and are
obsessing, looking good. This is a small example of what I am talking about
manager preventative parts. They are functioning and work in the day to day way
and try to protect, they try to keep pain away and they do it by working hard to
prevent bad things from happening. Another part which is called extreme parts,
reactive parts, firefighters, these are the parts that suicidal parts tend to fall into
this category of. These are those last responders, and one of the things that is very
important to know about parts that are extreme, yes these parts have positive
intentions they really do. The thing that is important to remember about these
parts is that they only show up once the wound, the pain inside has been triggered
or booked or activated and these parts get really bad press and people do not like
these parts and they try to get rid of these parts. And these parts know that these
extreme parts carry an anonymous amount of shame and want to highlight this
piece because this is one of the big tensions for me in working with extreme parts
like suicidal parts is when we have this intention and desire to get rid of them you
hate them and want to get rid of them, or actually causing more shame to these
parts. We indoctrinate shame when we are harsh, when we hate and try to get rid
of these suicidal parts and they know it. I cannot tell you how great concept
worked with clients. I go into the hospital and say I'm suicidal and they just want to
lock me up. They are not interested in helping they are interested in locking me up
and stopping the -- I need this part of me that will help me get away from my pain if
it is bad enough, I am not going to act on it, but it's an escape valve and I do not
want to get rid of it. I want to stop feeling so lonely and stop feeling unlovable. I do
not want to be so depressed anymore.

That is the desire and the intention but our culture and society and mental health
field they hear and see suicide and pullout the treatment plans and safety plan and
they want to stop suicide at all costs. Do you know what happens to the suicidal
parts? They will often say here we go again. Nobody really wants to know, nobody
really cares, nobody really wants to help me so it is really important to be able to
move inside of these extreme parts perspectives. Culture, society, insurance
companies all hate them. It is difficult for people to love them or should be curious
about these parts and I understand that especially if this is a new concept for you.
These parts in desperate moments have cost so much pain for us. It is The pain of
loss. Suicide is the lack of love, most of the suicidal parts are holding extreme
amount of loss themselves, loss of connection so when those actions or views of
suicidal thoughts and impulses are actually trying to get us to feel what they feel. If
a suicidal part acts on something and somebody has a permanent event from that,
it is a parallel loss, and it is important to be aware of that, that these parts are trying
to get us to get it, how painful and lonely and isolated they are. And therefore we
push them away the more painful and isolated they become and the more the cycle
perpetuates on its self.

By the way, these parts left to take medication moms are they do not like to take
medication, they are like I am in charge ma'am not take medication so the software
the medication problems come up for people, desperate manager parts one
medications and the extreme firefighter parts say no, I am not taking medication.
You can see where the battle comes up when these parts are in control. These are
the last responders. Here are some examples of suicidal parts. Extreme parts, I am
sorry. Suicidal parts and action, Binging, purging, cutting, substance use, bullying,
shaming, dissociating and numbing out. This list, most people when I talk about
this list have this version, oh, these are bad and we need to get rid of them --from
the IFS, each one of these parts have something we are doing for the clients and
each one of these parts only show up when pain is triggered and each one of these
parts is trying to protect by keeping the pain at bay.

What are these manager parts, but reactive or extreme firefighter parts protecting,
who are they protecting? They are protecting the vulnerability in the wounding
within all of us I believe that no one here on this earth gets through scar free. We
have all had a hard wounding experience and we've all been triggered, hurt,
violated in some ways I believe that is part of why we are here, to learn valuable life
lessons and I just wish they were not so difficult in trying but they are. But these
are the jewels and opportunities to learn. But the parts that endure the pain and
trauma, the parts that endure the assault and loneliness are what we call exiled
parts these are the wounded parts. So for Berne Brown she talks about
vulnerability as a superpower and most of my client the one that have been
traumatized say why would I want to be vulnerable I only want to be hurt again but
she says vulnerability is a superpower in the way that I think personally of
vulnerability, think of it as two components. One is can we connect to what we
feel? Can we connect to the truth in our feelings? And then, can we share with
somebody, can I feel what I feel in order to stay connected and survive and share it
with somebody else? Often the problem is the way the other person reacts to our
feelings.

My feeling joyful and expressive may not be the problem the way that somebody
shames or attacks me or verbally abuses me because of expressiveness is the real
problem here. But what we tend to do is internalize the pain we blame ourselves.
Then all these protective parts have to keep pushing it all away. Wounds develop in
all of us when our vulnerability and truth and feeling is attacked. that is its
elaborate system that gets created through in IFS, from parts and self. these are the
ultimate protector its pain and vulnerability that we all inevitably go through at
some point in our lives. So let's not blame or attack the parts that are trying to
help. Let us get to know them and love them and let's team up with them and work
collaboratively to heal the pain instead of putting it away and blaming the parts that
are trying to help. Again, these wounded or burdened parts in IFS are held in
emotions, physical sensations there is unmet needs and these are the core of what
suicidal parts protecting it it is important to get permission from the suicidal parts
to access and be with the pain and not push it away or get rid of.

Another thing that is important from the IFS perspective is that parts are not their
pain, parts are not their wound. Suicidal parts believe it or not, are often very
young parts, but took on an extreme role during an overwhelming event. I cannot
tell you how many clients I have worked with for example who had a suicidal part
who they found out was eight years old. That developed when their father
unexpectedly died of a heart attack.

Or suicidal part that developed when their mother died of cancer. When they were
16 years old. So these suicidal parts take on a role, an extreme response in order
to protect but that is not who the parts are, it is what they need to do. Someone
that has drinking parts, it is not that the part is bad, the heart is doing a job to keep
the pain away. Same with suicidal parts, young aspects of our personality that we
are forced because of trauma to take on an extreme role, if it gets bad enough we
are out of here. Right?

Once these parts are healed, these are young, sensitive, creative aspects of our
personality.
The other thing that IFS talks about is self-energy. Everyone has self-energy. It is
different than parts. It's our core, our essence it has inherent wisdom and healing
capacity. The client's self knows what has to happen to heal. Therapist spent much
too much time getting theoretical and intellectual trying to figure out and interpret
and help - well intended therapists trying to help- figure it out and stop it and make
it go away. The thing that IFS does is let the therapist step back and let the
therapist relax and have the therapist learn how to help the client access their own
internal wisdom. Everybody has that internal wisdom. It does not need to be
cultivated it is in there and is a matter of accessing it. People with a lot of, have
very little access to self-energy but they certainly have it in them. I never met
somebody = been doing this since 1992, = I've never met anybody who does not
have self-energy - some people call them their soul.

some people have a difficult time accessing it but it's important to note that
everybody has it and there are different ways to access it for everyone. Body
focused therapies –some people will access it through feeling through emotion and
some will access it through bodily movements. I am a movement person, I am not
somebody who can sit and meditate and access my inner wisdom. I am somebody
needs to be moving and then get into my flow and I get into the alignment that is
my core.

Trauma blocks access to self-energy which is something I talk about in this book
Transcending Trauma it is my mission and goal in life is to help people learn how to
help unblock self-energy. Trauma overwhelming experiences lock access to this
inherent wisdom and when we heal trauma we have access to our core self. One of
my favorite lines is a quote Trauma blocks love and love heals trauma." I really
beloved that, trauma blocks the love and the very thing that is the solution.

These are the eight C's of self energy and if you look through this list you will see
what I mean when I talk about self-energy, this state of this energetic flow within us
all. This is what is not accessible when somebody is suicidal. The self of themselves
is not accessible when suicidal parts are high and the self or the soul, the core of
somebody else, is not accessible, that connection is severed. And this is what
causes those desperate parts to show up.

Why don't we just take a moment and I will have you go inside again because I am
going to see if you can access one of your parts.
How to get to know a part
So shift the focus of your attention inside.

I am going to ask you to access one of the parts of you that have gotten activated or
stirred up through this summit. I know probably many parts have been activated
but if you can focus on one that comes to the surface for the moment. And again
shift the focus of attention inside and notice if this part of you is showing up as a
thought, as a feeling or as a physical sensation, parts and show up as thoughts,
feelings or physical sensations.

See if it is possible for this part of you that got activated during the summit, two
separate from you a little bit. And see if it is willing to not overwhelm you or take
you over. See if you can create some space between you and this part of you that
got activated. And if you are able to do that, see if it is possible to extend some
curiosity toward this part.

Just be open to listening or feeling or seeking this part of you and see it as a part of
you --not all of you. What is it holding for you? What is it trying to communicate?
What does it want to share with you?

How long has it been in your system

It's it open wound or is it trying to protect some part inside? Does this part see you
separate from itself or does it think it is you? What is it afraid would happen if it
stopped doing whatever it is doing? In other words, what is its biggest fear?

Whatever you are learning, whatever you discover, see you can send this part some
love and compassion and notice how it responds to that. Notice How it responds
when you send it love and compassion. does it soften --is that willing to take in
connection or is afraid of it? Maybe you are willing to get to know it better at some
other point.

But whatever you have connected to, send it some gratitude and we will return
back to our stage.

That is just a very brief example of IFS, moving inside and shifting the focus of
intention internally, not engaging in a lot of dialogue but having people expand self-
connection and self-awareness, it is a very internal process. And just a sampling of
maybe getting to know one of your parts a little bit better.
Suicidal thoughts and feelings and actions are primarily protective responses to
underlying trauma, pain, hurt, and the lack of love.

The goal in IFS of working with protective parts and working with suicidal parts is
really the therapist open agenda to getting to know the suicidal parts positive
intention and help them separate or unblend from the client self, so there can be a
dialogue and a relationship established between the self of the client and their
suicidal part. Learning about its job and its fear. And ultimately, gaining permission
to access and heal the underlying wound.

I want to give you a clinical example, really one of the situations where the hairs on
the back of my neck stand up when I was working with this client. Who had a really
difficult experience with her daughter --and the daughter reached out to me and
wanted to tell me what happened so I'm seeing this client and her daughter called
me and shared me that's difficult interaction. So of course, and holding boundaries
I shared it with my client and I said I wanted to let you know that your daughter
called me and this is what she said. Well, that created an enormous shame
reaction within my client. She did not know her daughter was calling and she felt so
much shame that I had been privy to this information from her daughter. That her
suicidal part got so strong, her suicidal part showed up like I have never seen one
before.

I got scared. I really did. And this suicidal part was very intent, in one month we
are debt, after money kids get out of school, I am killing myself I am dying, I am
going to get the will and cleaning up all the papers in writing everybody letters, it
was very serious in its intent. And I have to tell you there were Parts of it that got
really activated but should I hospitalize this person or do at section 12? And I have
to tell you that with a lot of support and with a lot of faith and belief in this model
every single time I said to this client, and I was talking directly to the suicidal part,
it's a technique in IFS called direct access, and I was having direct conversations
with the suicidal part and it was telling me all the details of its plan, it was telling me
the date, and was telling me everything. I helped the firm to this belief that this
part really did not want to die, that that's part was to protect an enormous shame
reaction and I kept offering it every day, the possibility to heal this wound, I can
help you heal this wound, I really feel confident that if we heal this wound you will
no longer needed to end her life. And I just kept saying it over and over and over
again. Believe me my parts, my frightened parts need to step back. And I think that
date was on a Tuesday and I was really nervous on the week and sure enough my
client came back in on Tuesday for a regular session.

I did not jump the gun and take control. I have to tell you that I did not do that.
And it was scary. But what the suicidal part said which was fascinating to me, it was
like look, you've really messed things up for me inside, you have offered me hope.
And nobody has ever offered me that before. So I am going to give you one more
month is what the suicidal part said. I will kill myself at the end of July instead of
June. But I am open to this possibility of feeling this wound.

Oh my goodness. That was of huge relief for me and it was a huge affirmation of
the intention of the suicidal parts, to stop the pain, stop the pain, stop the pain.

A couple more things before we closed because I believe we will have some
question and answer here so I'm excited to take some of your questions if you have
them, but I want to talk a little bit about neurobiology because most people

when we think of neurobiology there is activation, fight and flight, or there is hypo
arousal, the numbing and disconnection. You can be fight or flight or shut down
and disconnect suicidal parts can be in either category. You can have a suicidal part
with activated energy, oh my God I want to kill myself right now, impulsive and
reactive. And you can have suicidal parts that hold blunted or disconnected energy.
What is the point? Who cares? I give up.

So it is important when you are working with somebody who is suicidal, to pay
attention to the energy of it. Because that is rooted in neurobiology and
neurophysiology. And believe it or not, the withdrawn, numbed out and
disconnected part of suicide, it is more along the spectrum of severity grid so if
somebody is activated, it is less threatening to the organism and less severe in
some ways, nothing less dangerous but in some ways that that real fight, flight,
freeze, submit and once a suicidal part has given up, it is much more worrisome.
The desire to help should be much more severe and intentional and powerful. I will
not get into the details here but these are the steps in the IFS process, --these are
how we work with the new suicidal parts, find the part, focus on it, flush it out, feel
toward it he friended what is our role? I want to talk about the ways that we get
activated from suicidal parts. And we will end with this really.

There are different ways for us to be with somebody who was carrying and holding
suicidal thoughts and field was. And this is where I like to talk about the difference
between empathy and compassion. There is research done on this subject by
Tonya Singer a neuroscientist in Germany and she talks about compassion is the
feeling of concern for someone suffering with the motivation to help them, I am
here for you, I care about you, I can hold the space for you. Compassionate stance,
in IFS recall but on blended were separated. That is one way to be with suicidal
parts.

Another way is what we call empathy or an empathic, and I use that so little
differently than some do --empathic residence is when we resonate with someone
else of suffering, they show the parts of the brain where empathy is located in
Tonya Singer's research but empathy is when we are feeling our feelings while our
clients are feeling their feelings. So it is we are resonating with it and feeling our
fears and worries around suicide as their clients are talking about, we are feeling
the way our niece or nephew died of an overdose two years ago when the client is
talking about suicide for example or we are feeling our own suicidal feelings we felt
in the past when our client is talking about it. So it is very important when you are
with somebody who is suicidal to be aware of what's going on inside of you, are you
empathically resonating, our work wounds activated? Are you triggered inside,
empathic residence?

Or are you able to hold the space, or your parts nonactive and you can hold that
compassionate perspective to learn about the positive intention of the part, it's an
important difference for people to be aware of, whether you are a family member
or therapist, when you are with somebody with suicidal parts.

And that is what call therapist parts, what gets activated in you when You are with
somebody, and it's an important part of IFS, looking at what parts of us get
activated when we are sitting with somebody because our parts that in the way of
us being in self energy, a speaking compassionate with our client's suicidal parts.

So in closing. I just want to say this and I actually, before I summarize, I want to sit
grateful I am and how important and powerful this topic is. And how odd hope in
some ways I may have been helpful to maybe (have you think about or experience
and understand these very important hard-working heroic parts that are in
ourselves sometimes under desperate situations and also in our clients and loved
ones under desperate situations with the lack of love and connection. So we do not
want to lock them up and get rid of them, we appreciate them for their heroic jobs
and we want to learn about the positive intentions and we want to offer them a
new job, a solution to their problem, we want to alternately heal the wound that
they are protecting. So thank you very much for listening to me and thank you for
being a part of this very important and powerful summit and may be altogether
expand our web of connection to help bring more love and compassion to the
world, and heel pain and trauma. Thank you so much and have a great day.

>> ZACH TAYLOR: Thank you, thank you, Frank.

>> FRANK ANDERSON: You are welcome.

>> ZACH TAYLOR: That was a story. I think I protecting 12,000 people's hands
were sweating here.

>> FRANK ANDERSON: .

>> ZACH TAYLOR: Obviously I cannot speak to everyone's experience during

those exercises but suddenly people broke in thanking you for that personal
experience, it has been a lot of people talking at us which is been wonderful but it is
also just nice to create the spaces where we can feel what is coming back up rather
than just cramming more down.

>> FRANK ANDERSON: It is a lot to take in.

>> ZACH TAYLOR: People were super grateful and again I cannot speak for
everybody but every time I've ever done an IFS session, evening refund with you or
with Dick Schwartz or something, it never fails that, that part I connect with it's
always more hurt and sad than I ever realized. And so thank you. As we wrap up
we will take a few questions but as we wrap up I want to encourage everyone on
this training whether live or watching on the recording, please take care of
yourselves. There are clinicians on here and there's not clinicians on here who are
here to learn. There are those who've experienced personal impact of suicide.

So take good care of yourselves. Even, especially this session brought up a lot.
Okay.

So the hand sweating, how did you decide not to enter into a higher level of care? I
think that is a question that came up.

>> FRANK ANDERSON: Yes, Zach, it is one of my moment in my whole career that
I will never forget because -- and it was the true conviction and the belief that this
part of her wanted help. That is what held me over and over again because the fear
that gets activated --, oh my gosh, some wood to build themselves, oh my gosh, I
will get seated, oh my gosh what are people going to think of me oh my gosh I love
this person please don't kill yourself. These are all fear responses. These come
from our protective parts. I didn't want to act from fear, that would not have been
that place of self energy, the place of love and compassion.

As I am talking about it again I am getting chills throughout the body but it was this
firm belief that love and connection and heels. And I kept offering it and I kept
offering it and kept offering it. It was ultimately what turned the corner for that
suicidal part, was the hope of connection. The hope of healing. And you have you
believe that you can just say it, that is another thing that I will say, I've been doing
this work for a long time and I've never been equipped to the brink like that but it
was the belief that we all want healing, we all want help, even the most suicidal and
changed parts. It is those moments of fear and disconnection that maybe tips
scales in the wrong direction.

>> ZACH TAYLOR: So, can you talk a little bit about -- a lot of the other speakers
talked about crisis and safety planning. The flag up that what is a crisis coming on
feel like? What are some things you can do the who are people to connect with?
Are you supportive of that part of your work?

>> FRANK ANDERSON: No, I'm not. And this is one of those what is the IFS, sorry
everybody might turn this stuff on its head because IFS has a different perspective
on the sometimes so grateful that you are bringing in this perspective. And it is a
perspective, it is not the only way. It is a perspective so something bulky not agree
with that neck supple may not believe in it and that is totally fine. But for me, a
safety plan is managerial. And is other parts managing suicidal part and the
suicidal parts do not want to be managed. They will get stronger if we fight them, if
we try to controlled them, these are parts that feel the need to be in control. They
might not be doing it in the most effective ways, remember they are young-- subject
may not be the most sophisticated in what they are trying to do, so instead of me
managing them, every insurance company artist therapist to do a safety plan so I
will fill out the safety plan because it's part of that requirement but left it in
connection with the suicidal part let's open up our heart into it and in some training
to show videos of me talking to these suicidal parts and a few directly talk to them,
tell me more. Tell me why killing you right now is the most important thing. Tell
me why it is the only option. I joined them in a discussion with an open heart. And
honestly, when they say finally somebody to talk to me, not locked me up, and I
engage them in a wholehearted discussion, it is like oh my gosh, I get it. I get how
desperate this is part

I joint movement been the intention, not the effect. And honestly, Zach, if you feel
heard, seen and listen to you, do you get more pissed off?

>> ZACH TAYLOR: No I don't excel.

>> FRANK ANDERSON: We do not. --Suicidal parts are the same thing. When
they heard and seen and listened to combat they calm down. If they had activated
when all he's trying to control me, he's not listening, he doesn't give a crap about
what I am saying. The paradoxical approach which I know is challenging but it's the
I found to be taught and time again extremely effective, it is optional bonding and
connecting with the utmost desperate of our parts.

>> ZACH TAYLOR: Have you found that the suicidal part, you can alley with a
suicidal part and say AEP but if you didn't have to focus on What a -- something we
could put that would be alternatives to dying, could you do something like that or
am I making this --

>> FRANK ANDERSON: No that is what we do for the alternative that we offer is
instead of being suicidal, why don't you do yoga. No, I do not offer a safety plan.
Go for a walk with a friend instead of being suicidal. Do you know what is suicidal
part will say? They will flip me off. Don't be another alternative solution. But the
alternative solution, and this is where Dick Schwartz says the hope merchant, what
if I could heal the pain that you are protecting? That is the ultimate alternative if I
can feel that pain, you do not have to be suicidal anymore. And you could do
something else. What else do I do? Anything you want. Then it becomes, Zach, the
choice of the suicidal part to do something else. So if I heal the main reason you
are here doing that someday will help bring you up to have good again and that is
the big offer, it is the alternative, human underlying pain. And from the part of to
do something else.

>> ZACH TAYLOR: Good. You've stimulated, I wished you could see what people
are writing in, you've stimulated so much compensation, people have of this
perspective. And I should bring up strip three was mentioned in the previous
session. We are to leave it there with you, Frank, please state on camera I know
that Sarah is here with us as well. As we wrapped that spell on this couple of days,
as I said before, number one, please take care of yourselves. All of those parts that
Frank was talking about, we all have them, we'll have those moved parts and they
need care.

Number two, as you go back through the handouts and videos remember you 30
days access, please share your favorite quotes, favorite screenshots on social
media you can tag PESI order tag Frank, go back and share those things. It is also a
way of learning to take a moment to capture it.

Number three, obviously we have missed topics have been watching your
questions and answers, you missed about 8000 questions. We have added extra
courses in the resources area like a specific focus on the LatinX community, the JED
foundation work specifically with universities and college students, if you are
connected to university please reach out to them fractured in. The Columbia lights
project is not listed there but Kelly, you can visit the website. Leading Edge
Seminars have great future learning opportunities. And I just want to thank
everybody for being here, there are simply testimonials that came in as well but I
wish I could share. I just want to share one as we wrap up, this applicant's to Frank.
How interesting it open the final session with this exercise. I would suicidal with a
plan, intent and desire 30 years ago and I came through it and I have not spoken to
anyone about it but my husband died by suicide 21 years ago that was so focused
on being a young widow raising four children that I never time to process my
feelings at this exposed many of those repressed feelings and emotions, thank you
for encouraging us to check in with ourselves.

There's about 1000 or 2000 more of those kinds of comments. I hope that even
though we could not sleep and exactly here you I hope you felt hurt listened to and
cared for in this educational experience. And I hope you took a lot of this. And
hope you will about Monday to your practice with new perspectives and ideas may
be some new handouts and maybe new training that you will sign up like IFS
trainings or Columbia trainings or CPT trainings or any other number of trainings. I
want to thank you on behalf of PESI and prepped Psychotherapy Network or I'm
just over the moon that Sarah came up with this idea and I'm over the moon let us
do it for free. But this is what were about as a nonprofit and hope you come back
sometime for something else. Sarah?

>> SARAH MOUNT: I would just add --your CE to forget is now available so please
download that at your leisure. And we hope that even though this two day journey
of learning with thoughts is coming to an end, you will continue to share what
you've learned beyond the walls of where every car right now.
>> ZACH TAYLOR: Great. Thank you all, go forth and we will see you next time.
Goodbye.