OET WRITING CORRECTIONS

(SUBSCRIPTION_NURSES)

Review Results Assessment WC-OET-SUBSCRIPTION-NUR

Email Address: [email protected]

Full Name: wesam aldeek
Respondent ID: 465047
Date Started: 07/29/2023 12:35:40 AM
Date Completed: 07/29/2023 12:36:34 AM
Attempt: 15

Question Topic
Question
Num
Respondent's Answer Correct Answer
Occupational English Test

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 1. Read the case notes and complete the writing task which follows.

In your answer:

● Expand the relevant notes into complete sentences

● Do not use note form

● Use letter format

The body of the letter should be approximately 180–200 words

Mrs. Monica Kullan

Senior Nurse Practitioner
University of Marchbank Health Centre
Hillsdunne Rd
Marchbank

30 August 2019

Dear Nurse
Re: Jake Peterson, aged: 18 years old
I am writing regarding Mr. Peterson, who is going to start his academic life at your university. He has been diagnosed with alopecia
since he was 13 years old. Your ongoing monitoring and support would be appreciated.

In March 2014, Mr. Peterson presented to the school clinic with hair loss and anxiety. He was then referred to a trichologist, who
indicated that etiological causes were not present and prescribed steroid cream for him. However, Mr. Peterson began having
personality changes, aggression, and sleep loss; additionally, he discontinued medication. Between 2014 and 2018, he had no
further hair loss but increased hair growth. In December 2018, his anxiety and hair loss returned, and he lost 6 kg of weight. As a
result, he was recommended to seek medical advice for his problems, but he was reluctant. His alcohol consumption has increased
from 20 units to 28 units per week and he has problems with relationships and sports participation.

It would be appreciated if you could monitor Mr. Peterson's condition as he has concerns about moving to the university. during his
exams he was having high anxiety so kindly provide a special exam arrangement for him.

Yours sincerely,

Nurse

*Feedback/Notes*
Overall Assessment: Congratulations. This practice referral letter incorporates strengths from the two previous submissions I have
assessed, and addresses the issue observed last week.

Mrs. Monica Kullan

Senior Nurse Practitioner
University of Marchbank Health Centre
Hillsdunne Rd
Marchbank

30 August 2019

Dear (Nurse = Mrs Kullan)

Re: Jake Peterson, aged: 18 years old
I am writing regarding Mr. Peterson, who is going to start his academic life at your university. He has been diagnosed with alopecia
since he was 13 years old. Your ongoing monitoring and support would be appreciated.

In March 2014, Mr. Peterson presented to the school clinic with hair loss and anxiety. He was then referred to a trichologist, who
indicated that etiological causes were not present and prescribed steroid cream for him. However, Mr. Peterson began having
personality changes, aggression, and sleep loss; additionally, he discontinued medication. Between 2014 and 2018, he had no
further hair loss but increased hair growth. In December 2018, his anxiety and hair loss returned, and he lost 6 kg of weight. As a
result, he was recommended to seek medical advice for his problems, but he was reluctant. His alcohol consumption has increased
from 20 units to 28 units per week and he has problems with relationships and sports participation.
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It would be appreciated if you could monitor Mr. Peterson's condition as he has concerns about moving to the university. (during =
During) his exams he (was having = had) high anxiety so kindly provide a special exam arrangement for him.
 result, he was recommended to seek medical advice for his problems, but he was reluctant. His alcohol consumption has increased
from 20 units to 28 units per week and he has problems with relationships and sports participation.

It would be appreciated if you could monitor Mr. Peterson's condition as he has concerns about moving to the university. (during =
During) his exams he (was having = had) high anxiety so kindly provide a special exam arrangement for him.

Yours sincerely,

Nurse

Purpose: The opening subsection concisely orients the reader to the patient's situation – with a personal, caring tone - and clearly
states the writer's main request.
Specific requests are expanded fully in the closing subsection.
This is a return to the form observed in your submission two weeks ago. Well done.

Content: The information selected and summarized is relevant for this reader (a university nurse practioner), providing what is
needed to continue appropriate patient care.

Conciseness & Clarity: No irrelevant information is included. Information is summarised effectively.

* Word count in letter body: 194 words [Recommended body word count: 180 - 200 words]

Genre & Style: The letter does a good job of blending clinical information, observations on the patient’s needs, and relevant,
courteous requests for further action.

Organisation & Layout: The opening and closing subsections are strong. The second (main subsections is a little long. It could be
divided into subsections (1) which provide background information on his condition, and (2) which discuss recent consultations and
concerns (such as his drinking).

Language: Language features are generally accurate. The overall presentation is highly readable.

Assessment – 4
Assessed by Bryan Beaton – 29 July 2023 – 09:57

EXPLANATION: None.

Time Used: 00:00:54

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