PSYCHOSIS 4.

48
Mohd Ruman

(A very long silence.)

- Aawaaz do ye tumhare dost hai

(A long silence.)

- Aawaaz do ye sab tumhare dost hai

- Tum apne doston ko awaaz kyu nahi dete?

(A long silence.)

- Tum apne doston ko awaaz kyu nahi dete?

(A long silence.)

- Awaaz kyu nahi dete?

(Silence.)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a consolidated consciousness resides in a darkened banqueting

hall near the ceiling of a mind whose floor shifts as ten thousand
cockroaches when a shaft of light enters as all thoughts unite in
an instant of accord body no longer expellent as the cockroaches
comprise a truth which no one ever utters

Use raat mere aankhon ke samne sab kuch zahir ho gaya

Main ab dubara kaise keh sakta hoon?

the broken hermaphrodite who trusted hermself alone finds the

room in reality teeming and begs never to wake from the
nightmare

Waha vo sab log maujood the

 sare ke sare

Sabhi ko mera naam bhi bakhoobi yaad tha

Aur main apni kursi ke peeche kisi kova ki tarah chup raha

Us raushni ko yaad rakho aur uspar bharosa karo

Maut se pehle aane wala sach

Mujhe bhoolne matt dena

Mujhe bhoolne matt dena ki

Main udaas hoon

Mujhe yakeen ho chala hai ki bhavishya ab adhikar se ghira hai aur in

halatoo ko sambhala nahi ja sakta

Maine umeed chodh di hai

Mai ab ek insaan hone ka dawa nahi kar sakta

Maine gunah kiya hai main doshi hoon mujhe saza milni chahiye

Aur saza ke taur par main khud ko maarna chahta hoon

Maine kai arsa rokar guzara hai aur ab mere aansu sukh chuke hai

Mujhe ab is saaj se koi lena dena nahi raha

Main ab aur faisle nahi le sakta ye mera aakhri faisla hoga

Mujhse khaya, socha aur soya nahi ja raha

Mujhse ab apna darr akelapan aur ghrina bardasht ahi ota

Mai lalchi hoon aur lobhi bhi main mohabbat ke layak nahi

Mere bhai aur meri mohabbat marr rahe hai. Aur main apne hi hathon
se un dono ka katl kar raha hoon

Isi ke sath maine apne maut ke path par chalna shuru kar diya hai

Mujhe dawaiyoo ka darr hai

Nahi main mohabbat kar sakta hoon na hi vaasa Mujhe ab aur akele
nahi rehna aur Nahi main kisi ke sath ab zidagi basar kar sakta hoon
 Mera stan bada hai aur mujhe ab apne ang pasand nahi aate

4.48 minute par

Jab depression darwaza khatkhatayegi

Apne mohabbat ke sansoon ke taal par

Main khud ko phansi par latka duga

Main marna nahi chahta

Magar main apne Zinda hone ki hakkekat se ghabra chuka hoon

ki maine ab khud khushi ka faisla kar liya hai

Main jeena nahi chahta

Main apni gehri neend mein so Rahi mashuka se irsha hai jisne
badhoshi ki chadar apni aankhoon par lapet neend ko chuna hai

Jab vo uthega to meri in adhoori neend rahit ratoon se jalega

jinse dawaiyoon ka bhi asar nahi ho saka

Maine is saal khud ko Marne ka faisla kar liya hai

Kuch ise meri khud garki kahenge,

(vo khush kismat hai ki unhe sach ka andaza nahi)

Kuch koi mehez mere dard ka ehsaas hoga

Ye ab meri hakeekat bann chuka hai

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100
91

84
81

72
69

58
44

37 38
42

21 28
 12

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Treatment

The first scene starts with the black and the sound as we slowly fade in the center where our
character is sitting.
The conversation of silence a very long silence is there to denote that the person is alone and
now there is no one who supports the person (In our version it's an aftermath of a genocide
where the person has lost his family and village too)

We then see the transition into a physical movement based where a group of human turned
arachnids come closer to the person who is now a trapped cocoon. A quarter of the scene
happens there then the cocoon starts its walk towards the center of stage. Till it reaches near a
log curtain which has numbers imprinted on it (for the person it's the number of deaths that
happened in his village including the family) the patient does 7 number tests.

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It wasn't for long, I wasn't there long. But drinking bitter black
coffee I catch that medicinal smell in a cloud of ancient tobacco and
something touches me in that still place and a wound form two years
ago opens like a cadaver and a long buried shame roars its foul
decaying grief.

Us kamre mein sabhi ki shakal ek jaisi thi, seedhi sapath

sadi. mano jaise koi matlab na bacha ho, jaise sabke adar
kuch galat chipa hai

Ye Vo aur na jane kon kon kaise inke mann mein khayal aaya
ki mere kamre mein ghus kar mut lete hai. Main avishwas
mein jalta raha meri beizzati poori hui aur main bina kisi
wajah ke kap raha tha. Main kehta bhi kya meri beemari
mein ek cheez to pakki hai ki mujhe marna hai to ab kisi
cheez ko kare ya kehi ka faida kya And I am deadlocked by
that smooth psychiatric voice of reason which tells me there
is an objective reality in which my body and mind are one.
But I am not here and never have been. Dr This writes it
down and Dr That attempts a sympathetic murmur. Sab
mujhe dekh rahe the mujhe judge kar rahe the mere chamdoo
 se nikalti pass ko soongh rahe the meri chatpatahat mera
bhay meri ghabrahat sab mujhme simat kar reh gayi aur
main is khayal mein khoya raha ki sab mujhe dekh kar has
kyun rahe hai mujhe sharm aati rahi

Sharr sharm sharme.

Tum sabko apne sharm mein doob kar marr jana chahiye

Sakh wale log, daulat wale log, padhe likhe log, log jo tumhe
log na mane jabtak tum apne hone ka parcha na dikha do,
ask sab ek hi sawaal karte hai, ek jaise shabd, har marz ka ek
hi rasaynik ilaj aur pooche jane par ek dusre ki haal bachate
phirte hai, tum ek ek laute insaan the jisne mujhe meri Marzi
se chua, jo meri meri aankhoon mein dekh hansa, kon meri
befazool baaton par hansa aur kisne mere sath peshab karte
waqt bathroom mein waqt guzara tab bhi jab ai apa sir
mundwa raha tha aur kaha ki mujhe dekha use acha lagta
hai, kisne jhoot kaha ki use mujhe dekhna acha lagta hai?
Kise jhoot kaha? Aur kaha ki mujhe dekhna acha lagta hai?
Maine tum par yakeen kiya, maine tumse mohabbat ki, mujhe
tumhe khone ka gam nahi balki in kagazoo mein dabi
tumhare jhoothe makkar chehro ki yaadon se takleef hoti hai.

Tumhara sach, tumhara jhooth, mera nahi.

Aur jab mujhe lag raha tha ki tum auroon se alag ho,
tumhare chehre par bhi inhalatoon se kabhi na kabhi to
takleef hoti hogi. Tum bhi sala baki rasookhwaloo ki tarah
apni topi bachane ki aad mein lage rahe.

Mere zehan mein vo dhokha hai aur uske tukdee mere zehan
ke kateen

Ab kuh bhi Mere gussa shat nahi sakta

Aur koi bhi cheez mera imaan wapas nahi la sakegi

Ye vo duniya nahi jisme ab main rehna chahta hoon

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- To kya karne ka faisla kiya hai

- Pehle overdose phir kalayi katunga aur aakhir mein phansi par
latak jaunga

- Ye sari cheezein ek sath

- Ek sath karne se ye baat kisi ko nautanki nahi

lagegi (Silence.)

- Ye kaam nahi karega

- Zaroor karega

- Nahi karega overdose kare se tumhe madhoshi chayegi aur

tumhare andar kalai katne ki takat tak nahi bachegi

(Silence.)

Main apne gardan par fanda latka khada rahuga

(Silence.)

- Kya akele hone par tum khudko chot pahuchane ki koshish

karoge?

- Mujhe darr hai haan

- Kya ye achi baat hai?

- Haan, iske darr se main rail ki patri ke nazdeek nahi jata.

Mujhe ab ek assi baras ke insaan ki tarah mehssos hota hai
main zindagi se thak chuka hoon aur mera dimag ab maut
chahta hai

- Ye to rupak hai haqeeqat nahi

- Ye upma hai

- Ye haqeeqat to nahi

– It's not a metaphor, it's a simile, but even if it were, the

defining feature of a metaphor is that it's real.
- Ye metaphor nahi hai ye simile hai aur agar ye hota bhi to
iski pehchan iske haqeekat mein hone se hoti
(A long silence.)
 - Tum assi baras ke nahi

ho (Silence.)

- Kya ho?

(A silence.)

- Kya ho?

(A silence.)

Kya sach mein ho?

(A long silence.)

- Kya tumhe har dukhi insaan se zalalat hai ya phir sirf mujhse

- Mujhe tumse zalalat nahi hai. Tum beemaar ho

- Mujhe to Aisa nahi lagta

- Nahi?

- Nahi, main depressed hoon. Depression gussa hai uska Jo

tumne kiya, jo wahan tha aur jisko tum gunehgar mante ho

- Aur tum kisko gunehgar maante ho?

- Khudko

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Treatment
The above see will be done in conjunction with one another the first see will be performed on
beats and walk at different pace by the ensemble.

1234 *4
12 *8
1357
12 3 4 5 6 7 8 *8

The the dialogue will start till it eds

The see during dialogue will be of a concentration camp and gas mask

The hospital will be created using ensemble movement method

1234 different
5678 similar

The second scene will be a conversation between the person and the god. The god at back on his
seat the character in middle

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Jism aur rooh kabhi ek nahi ho sakte

Mujhe vo Banna hoga jo Mera jism hai warna ye ehsaas mujhse

koi paap Kara jahennum bhej dega

Ye namumkin umeedein mujhe kahin ka nahi chodengi

Main apne hi dysphoria

ke thande kaale talaab mein doob kar mar jaunga

Mere zehen ke kaale gehre gaddhee

Main wapas apne jism mein kaise aaun

now my formal thought has gone?

Not a life that I could countenance.

They will love me for that which destroys me

the sword in my dreams

the dust of my thoughts

the sickness that breeds in the folds of my mind

Har ek tareef mere rooh ka ek hissa mujhse le jati hai

An expressionist nag
Stalling between two fools

Unko nahi pata-

main hamesha azaad chala hoon

Auroon ke khayaloo se churane waloon ki line mein main aakhri hoon

(a time honoured tradition)

Theft is the holy act

On a twisted path to expression

 A glut of exclamation marks spells impending nervous
breakdown Just a word on a page and there is the drama

Main murdoo ke liye likhta hoon

Aur uke liye jo paida ho na sake

After 4.48 I shall not speak again

I have reached the end of his dreary and repugnant tale of a sense
interned in an alien carcass and lumpen by the malignant spirit of the
moral majority
Main ab apne is behude aur badmijaz dastaan ke ant tak aa chuka
hoon mere ye murda ho chuke alag khayal ab haari is naitiktavadi
majority ke khayalo se male nahi khate

Main to kaafi waqt pehle hi marr gaya tha

Ab mere wapas mitti ho jane ka waqt hai

Main sarhad par beumeed gaunga

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RSVP ASAP

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Treatment:
The scene would be duet with self psychosis it will then convert into a single monologue towards
the end

RSVP on ground or at plastic walls

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Kabhi kabhi main uthta hoon aur mujhe tumhari Khushboo aati hai. I
cannot fucking go on
Mujhse ab aur nahi chala jata
Ye yakeen karna mushkil hai ki itna sab kuch hone ke baad bhi tumhe koi
guilt mehsoos kyun nahi hota. Jabki yahan main itna sab mehsoos kar
doob Raha hoon.
Kya tumhe kuch mehsoos nahi hota?

(Silence.)

Main Roz tumhari talash mein subah 6 baje nikal jata hoon, agar maine
khwabb mein tuti imaratein, malboom ke dher, station, rasta, maikha dekha
hai to main wahan chala jata hoon, aur tumhara intezar karta hoon

(Silence.)

Tum jante ho mujhe sach mein lagta hai ki koi mujhe bhadka raha hai

(Silence.)

Maine apni poori zindagi auron ko apnane mein kabhi socha nahi par kisi
aur ne mere liye Aisa kabhi nahi kiya. Kisi ne mujhe kabhi chua nahi aur
nahi kabhi koi mere nazdeek aaya. Tumne mujhe chua kahin into gehrayi
mein ki I fucking can't believe and I can't be that for you. Kyuki ab main
tumhe dhoondh nahi pa raha

(Silence.)

Vo kaisi dikhti hai?

Main use dekhunga to kaise pehchanunga?

Vo mar jayega, vo mar jayega, vo mar jayega

(Silence.)

Tumhe lagta hai ki ek insaan ka kisi galat shareer mein paida hona
mumkin hai?

(Silence.)

Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you for rejecting me by never being there,
fuck you for making me feel shit about myself, fuck you for bleeding
the fucking love and life out of me, fuck my father for fucking up my
life for good and fuck my mother for not leaving him, but most of all,
fuck you God for making me love a person who does not exist,

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Treatment: the lover and Character will perform this scene as up up down down and movement
rhythm contemporary till the lover gets separated from the patient ultimately resulting in the
breakdown

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

– Tumhare kalayi ko kya hua?

– Maine kaat diya

– Ye behad bachkani aur attention seeking harkat hai. Kya isse

tumhe koi aaram mila?

– Nahi

– Kya isse tumhari tension kamm hui?

– Nahi .

– Kya isne tumhe

aaraam diya?

(Silence.)

Kya isne tumhe aaraam diya?

– Nahi

– Mujhe samjh nahi aata tumhe ye kyun kiya

– To poocho

– Kya isse tension

kamm hoti hai?

(A long silence.)

Kya main dekh sakta hoon?

– Nahi

– Mujhe dekhna hai ki kahin ye infected to nahi hua

– Nahi

(Silence)

– Mujhe laga tha tum ye karoge. Bohot log karte hai, isse
tension kamm hoti hai

– Kya tumne kabhi Kiya hai?

–...

– No. Far too fucking sane and sensible. Mujhe nahi pata
tumhe Kahan padha ye lekin isse pareshani kamm nahi hoti

(Silence.)

Tum mujhe kyun nahi poochte ye?

Ki maine apna hanth kyun kata?

– Kya tum mujhe batana chahoge?

– Haan

- To batao mujhe

– ASK
ME
WHY

(A long silence.)

– Tumne apna hanth kyun kata?

– Kyun ki isse acha lagta hai. Because it feels fucking amazing.

–Kya main dekh sakta hoon??

– Tum dekh sakte ho. Magar choona nahi.

– (Looks) Aur tumhe nahi lagta ki tum beemaar ho?

–Nahi
 – Mujhe lagta hai, tumhari galti nahi hai. Lekin tumhe apne
faisloon ko zimmedari khud Leni hogi. Please don't do it
again.

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Treatment:
Single spot conversation with GOD. GOD comes and visits him and they both converse while not
looking towards each other.

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I dread the loss of her I've never touched

love keeps me a slave in a cage of tears

I gnaw my tongue with which to her I can never

speak I miss a woman who was never born

I kiss a woman across the years that say we shall never meet

Sab kuch guzar jata hai

Sab kuch khatam ho jata hai

Sab kuch mitt jata hai

my thought walks away with a killing smile

leaving discordant anxiety

which roars in my soul

No hope No hope No hope No hope No hope No hope No hope

A song for my loved one, touching her absence

the flux of her heart, the splash of her smile

In ten years time she'll still be dead. When I'm living with it,
dealing with it, when a few days pass when I don't even think of
it, she'll still be dead. When I'm an old lady living ion the street
forgetting my name she'll still be dead, she'll still be dead, she'll
still be dead, it's just
 fucking

over

and I must stand alone

My love, my love, why have you forsaken me?

She is the couching place where I never shall lie

and there's no meaning to life in the light of my
loss

Built to be lonely
Akela reh jane ke liye
to love the absent
Jo hai nahi usse mohabbat karne ke liye

Dhodho Mujhe
Riyah kar do

In sab se

corrosive doubt

futile despair

horror in repose

Main apni jagah

Aur apna waqt bhar sakta hoo

Magar mere andar ka ye gehra khalipann kabhi nahi bhar

sakta

Aur uske bagair main marr jaunga

Breakdown

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

– Koi agar magar nahi

 – main agar mahar nahi kar raha main na kar raha hoon

– Can't must never have-to always won't should

shan't. The unnegotiables

Aaj nahi

(Silence.)

– Please. Don't switch off my mind by attempting to straighten

me out. Suniye aur Samajhiye, aur jab aapko lage ki main
tauheen kar raha hoon to zahir to na kariye, kam se kamm
mere shabdoon mein to nahi, mujhse nahi.

(Silence.)

– Mujhe tum par koi ihanat nahi aarahi

– Nahi?

– Nahi, Isme tumhari galti nahi hai

– Tumhari galti nahi hai, hamesha sabne yahi kaha hai ki

Tumhari galti nahi hai. Tumne mujhe ye baat itni dafa kahi
hai ki ab mujhe lagne laga hai meri hi galti hai

– It's not your fault.

– Main janta hoon

– Magar tum hone dete ho

(Silence.)

Dete ho na?

– Ab koi dawa nahi bachi jo meri zindagi mein matlab bhar sake

– Tum apne sath is state of desperate

absurdity ko hone dete ho

(Silence.)

Tum hone dete ho

A
 (Silence.)

– Main soch nahi paunga, main work nahi kar paunga

– Suicide se zyada bada interfernce Tumhare

kaam mein aur kya ho sakta hai. (Silence.)

– Maine khwaab dekha usme main doctor ke pass gya tha.

Usne mujhe aath minute diye jeene ke liye. Uske intezar mein
maine waiting room mein aadha ghanta bitaya.

(A long silence.)

Theek hai, karte hai, drugs kar lete hai, bann jate hai labrat
aur kar lete hai chemical lobotomy, band kar dete hai apne
dimag aur sabhi angoon ka kaam karna tab shayad main
zinda kehlaunga.

Chalo karte lete hai

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Treatment:
It starts with a migratory scene which changes the position and placing of objects in an
expressionist manner. Then the psychosis sits around the new seat talks with the patient as
society and victim

It is a conversation where audience is bystander

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abstraction to the point of

unpleasant
unacceptable
uninspiring
impenetrable

irrelevant

irreverent
irreligious

unrepentant

I don't imagine

(clearly)
that a single soul

could
would

should
or will

and if they did

I don't think

(clearly)
that another soul

a soul like mine

could

would
should

or will

irrespective

I know what I'm doing

all too well

No native speaker

irrational
 irreducible
irredeemable

unrecognisable

derailed
deranged

deform
free form

obscure to the point of

True Right Correct

Anyone or anybody

Each every all

drowning in a sea of logic

this monstrous state of palsy

still ill

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Treatment: the scene will be performed by ensemble, it will be completely physical with no
dialogue. Kind of a dance sequence.

Mix Merge Separate Conflict

Choke and drown.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Symptoms: Not eating, not sleeping, not speaking, no sex drive, in

despair, wants to die.

Diagnosis: Pathological grief.

Sertraline, 50mg. Insomnia worsened, severe anxiety, anorexia,
(weight loss 17kgs,) increase in suicidal thoughts, plans and
intention. Discontinued following hospitalisation.

Zolpiclone, 7.5mg. Slept. Discontinued following rash. Patient

attempted to leave hospital against medical advice. Restrained by
three male nurses twice her size. Patient threatening and
uncooperative. Paranoid thoughts – believes hospital staff are
attempting to poison her.

Melleril, 50mg. Co-operative.

Lofepramine, 70mg, increased to 140mg, then 210mg. Weight gain

12kgs. Short term memory loss. No other reaction.

Argument with junior doctor whom she accused of treachery after

which she shaved her head and cut her arms with a razor blade.

Patient discharged into the care of the community on arrival of

acutely psychotic patient in emergency clinic in greater need of a
hospital bed.

Citalopram, 20mg. Morning tremors. No other reaction.

Lofepramine and Citalopram discontinued after patient got pissed of

with side affect and lack of obvious improvement. Discontinuation
symptoms: Dizziness and confusion. Patient kept falling over,
fainting and walking out in front of cars. Delusional ideas – believes
consultant is the antichrist.

Fluoxetine hydrochloride, trade name Prozac, 20mg, increased to

40mg. Insomnia, erratic appetite, (weight loss 14kgs,) severe
anxiety, unable to reach orgasm, homicidal thoughts towards several
doctors and drug manufacturers. Discontinued.

Mood: Fucking angry

Affect: Very angry.

Thorazine, 100mg. Slept. Calmer.

Venlafaxine, 75mg, increased to 150mg, then 225mg. Dizziness, low

blood pressure, headaches. No other reaction. Discontinued.

Patient declined Seroxat. Hypochondria – cites spasmodic blinking

and severe memory loss as evidence of tardive dyskinesia and
tardive dementia.

Refused all further treatment.

 100 aspirin and one bottle of Bulgarian Cabernet Sauvignon, 1986.
Patient woke up in a pool of vomit and said 'Sleep with a dog and
rise full of fleas.' Severe stomach pain. No other reaction.

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Treatment:

We will use ensemble choreography technique of 4 different and 4 similar steps which
results in a hospital scene being created and as we walk and stop and walk and stop
randomly to say dialogue

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Hatch opens

Stark light

the television talks

full of eyes

the spirits of sight

aur ab mujhe darr hai

Mujhe cheezein dikh rahi hai

Mujhe awaazein sunayi de rahi hai
Mujhe nahi pata main kaun hoon

tongue out

thought stalled

the piecemeal crumple of my mind

Main kahan shuru karun?

Main kahan khatam karun?

Main kaise shuru karun? A tab of pain

(As I mean to go on)
Stabbing my lungs
Main kaise rukoon? A tab of death
Main kaise rukoon? Squeezing my heart
Main kaise rukoon?

Main kaise rukoon?

Main kaise rukoon?

Main kaise rukoon?

Main kaise rukoon?

Main kaise rukoon?

Main marjaunga

Abhi nahi
Par jaldi hi

Please...
Money...

Wife…

Every act is a symbol

the weight of which crushes me

A dotted line on the throat

CUT HERE

ISE MUJHE MARNE MATT DENA

YE MUJHE MAAR KAR DABA KAR JEHENNUM MEIN BHEJ

DEGA

I beg you to save me from this madness that eats

me a sub-intentional death.

I thought I should never speak again

but now I know there is something blacker than desire

Shayad vo mujhe bacha lega

Ya shayad maar dega

a dismal whistle that is the cry of heartbreak around the

hellish bowl at the ceiling of my mind
 a blanket of roaches

Ye jung khatm kar do

My legs are empty

Nothing to say

And there is the rhythm of madness

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

– I gassed the Jews, I killed the Kurds, I bombed the Arabs, I

fucked small children while they begged for mercy, the
killing fields are mine, everyone left the party because of me,
I'll suck your fucking eyes out sent them to your mother in a
box and when I die I'm going to be reincarnated as your child
only fifty times worse and as mad as all fuck I'm going to
make your life a living fucking hell I REFUSE I REFUSE I
REFUSE LOOK AWAY FROM ME. Maine yahoondiyon ko
gas chamber mein dala, maine kurdi ka katl kiya, maine arab
par bomb girwaye. Maine Ukrainiyon ka katil hoon maine hi
palestinion ki zameenein aur jindagi cheen li, maine chote
chote bachoon ka upeedan kiya jab vo bhookh se tadap rahe
the, ye maut ki landmines aur vo maidan mere hai, meri
wajah se sab ne apni zameen chodi, main tumhari aankhein
nikal tumhari maa ko vo tohfe mein dunga aur mere marr
jane par mera janm tumhare bacche ke roop mein paida
hounga. Usse bhi battar. Aur vo sab karunga Jo tumne mere
sath Kiya hai. I REFUSE I REFUSE I REFUSE LOOK
AWAY FROM ME.

– Sab theek hai

– LOOK AWAY FROM ME

– Sab theek hai main yahan hoon

– Look away from me

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Treatment:
The scene would be played in 2 half the psychosis world be using image building exercise to
represent the tv and the effects of it on the observer

The observer (patient) will reflect on it stating he is the reason for these mass genocides which
translates into monologue.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why am I stricken?

I saw visions of God

and it shall come to pass

Grid yourselves:

for ye shall be broken in pieces

it shall come to pass

Behold the light of despair

the glare of anguish

and ye shall be driven to darkness

If there is blasting

(there shall be blasting)

the names of offenders shall be shouted form the rooftops

Fear God

and his wicked convocation

a scall on my skin, a seethe in my heart

a blanket of roaches on which we dance

this infernal state of siege

All this shall come to pass

all the words of my noisome breath

Remember the light and believe the light

Us roshni ko yaad rakho aur us par vishwas karo
 Christ is dead

and the monks are in ecstasy

We are the abjects

who depose our leaders

and burn incense unto Baal

Aao ab hum vaad vivad karte hai

Sanity is found in the mountain of the Lord's house on

the horizon of the soul that eternally recedes
The head is sick, the heart's caul torn
Dimag beemaar hai aur dil kharaab ho chuke hai

Thread the ground on which wisdom walks

Embrace beautiful lies –
Ab apne zameen ko sil do jispar kabhi gyan ne kadam rakhi thi
Aur jhoot ko apna lo

Insan ka janwar ban jana

Dard ki shuruat

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Treatment:
This see would take images theater ad the psychosis along with patient will perform the image of
death of christ
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

– At 4.48
4.48 minute par

when sanity visits

Jab mujhe hosh aayega

for one hour and twelve minutes I am in my right

mind. When it has passed I shall be gone again,
Main 1 ghante baarah minutes tak apne hosh aur
hawas mein rahunga aur jab ye waqt guzar jayega
main phir kahin kho jaunga

Ek bikhri hui kathputli ek bewakoof

Aur ab main yahan hoon aur main khud ko dekh sakta hoon

but when I am charmed by vile delusions of

happiness, the foul magic of this engine of sorcery,
I cannot touch my essential self.

Why do you believe me then and now?

Tum mujh par kyun har baar kyu vishwas kar lete ho?

Remember the light and believe the light.

Us roshni ko yaad rakho aur us par vishwas karo

Ab kuch maine nahi rakhta

Halat se andaja lagana band kar do aur sahi faisla karo

– Sab theek hai, tum theek ho jaoge

– Your disbelief cures nothing.

Look away from me.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Treatment:
This is a conversation between Dead God and the patient

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hatch opens
Stark light

A table two chairs and no windows

Yahan main hoon

Aur wahan mera jism hai

Kaanch par nachta hua

Hadsoon ke waqt jab aapke sath koi hadsa na ho to

aapke paas koi choice nahi reh jati hai

choice uske baad aata hai

Cut out my tongue

tear out my hair

cut off my limbs

but leave me my love

I would rather have lost my legs

pulled out my teeth

gouged out my eyes

than lost my love

flash flicker slash burn wring press dab slash

flash flicker punch burn float flicker dab flicker
punch flicker flash burn dab press wring press
punch flicker float burn flash flicker burn

Ye kabhi nahi guzrega

dab flicker punch slash wring slash punch slash

float flicker flash punch wring press flash press
dab flicker wring burn flicker dab flash dab float
burn press burn flicker burn flash

Kuch bhi hamesha ke

liye nahi hota

(shivaay nothing)

slash wring punch burn flicker dab float dab

flicker burn punch burn flash dab press dab
wring flicker float slash burn slash punch slash
press slash float slash flicker burn dab

Victim. Perpetrator. Bystander.

punch burn float flicker flash flicker burn slash

wring press dab slash flash flicker dab flicker
punch flicker flash burn dab press flicker wring
press punch flash flicker burn flicker flash

Subah ek haar laati hai

wring slash punch slash float flicker flash punch

wring dab flicker punch slash press flash press
dab flicker wring burn flicker dab flash dab float
burn press burn flash flicker slash

Ek khoobsurat dard

Jo batata hai ki main wastavik hoon

flicker punch slash dab wring press burn slash

press slash punch flicker flash press burn slash
 dab flicker float flash flicker dab press burn slash
press slash punch flash flicker burn

Aur ek ache kal ki chah

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Treatment:
This part will be performed by one person it will include violence and self harm TW

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

100
93

86
79

72
65

58
51

44
37

30
23

16
9

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Treatment:
It will be written on the floor.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Behoshi ke ant mein hosh ko paya ja sakta hai jab badhawasi rooh
ko noch kar do hisso mein baat de

Main khud ko janta hu

Main khud ko dekhta hoo

Meri zindagi wajahoo ke jaal mein phas kar reh gayi hai

Jise logo ne hosh walo se behas ke liye buna hai

4.48 par

Main so jaunga

Main tumhare paas ilaaz ke umeed mein aaya tha

Tum mere doctor, saviour, mere omnipotent judge, mere priest, mere
god sab kuch ho.

Aur main tumhare liye sirf ek case study

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Treatment:
Solo monologue

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

to achieve goals and ambitions

to overcome obstacles and attain a high standard

to increase self-regard by the successful exercise of

talent to overcome opposition

to have control and influence over others

to defend myself

to defend my psychological space

to vindicate the ego

to receive attention

to be seen and heard

to excite, amaze, fascinate, shock, intrigue, amuse,

entertain, or entice others

to be free from social restrictions

to resist coercion and constriction

to be independent and act according to desire

to defy convention

to avoid pain

to avoid shame

to obliterate past humiliation by resumed action

to maintain self-respect

to repress fear

to overcome weakness

to belong

to be accepted

to draw close and enjoyably reciprocate with another

to converse in a friendly manner, to tell stories,

exchange sentiments, ideas, secrets

to communicate, to converse

to laugh and make jokes

to win affection of desired Other

to adhere and remain loyal to Other

to enjoy sensuous experiences with cathected Other

to feed, help, protect, comfort, console, support,

nurse or heal

to be fed, helped, protected, comforted, consoled,

 supported, nursed or healed

to form mutually enjoyable, enduring, cooperating

and reciprocating relationship with Other, with an
equal

to be forgiven

to be loved

to be free

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Treatment:
Sign language

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

– You've seen the worst of me.

– Yes.

– Aur main tumhare bare mein kuch nahi janta

– Nahi

– But I like you.

– I like you.

(Silence.)

– tum meri aakhri umeed ho

(A long silence.)

– tumhe dost ki nahi doctor ki zarurat hai.

(A long silence.)

– You are so wrong.

(A very long silence.)

– Magar tumhare paas dost hai.

(A long silence.)

Tumhare paas bahut sare dost hai

Tum unko aawaaz kyu nahi dete?

(A long silence.)

Tum unko aawaaz kyu nahi dete?

(A long silence.)

kyu nahi dete?

(Silence.)

Hamara ek professional relationship hai mujhe lagta

hai hamare ache sambandh hai lekin mehaz
professional

(Silence.)

Main tumhara dard samajhta hoon magar main tumhari zindagi apne
hathon mein nahi le sakta

(Silence.)

Tum theek ho jaoge tum strong ho mujhe yakeen hai tum theek ho
jaoge kyunki i like you aur aap tabtak kisi ko pasand nahi kar sakte
jabtak vo khudko na pasand karta ho, mujhe un logo ke liye darr
lagta hai jinhe main pasand nahi karta kyun ki vo bhi khud se nafrat
karte hai aur kisi ko apne nazdeek aane nahi dena chahte

But I do like you. I'll miss you. And I know you'll be ok.
Lekin mujhe tum pasand ho aur main tumhe yaad karunga aur main
janta hoon tum theek ho jaoge

(Silence.)

Most of my clients want to kill me. When I walk out of here at

the end of the day I need to go home to my lover and relax. I
need to be with my friends and relax. I need my friends to be
really together.
Mere adhiktar clients mujhe marna chahte hai. Din ke ant mein
main jab yahan se nikalta hoon to mujhe ghar mein apne
mohabbat ke pass jana hota hai, aaraa kara hota hai. Mujhe
 apne dosto ke sath aaram karna hota hai, mujhe apne dosto ki
zaroorat hai

(Silence.)

I fucking hate this job and I need my friends to be sane.

(Silence.)

I'm sorry.

– ye meri galti nahi hai

– I'm sorry, that was a mistake.

– It's not my fault.

– No. It's not your fault. I'm

sorry. (Silence.)

Main bass batana chah raha tha ki –

– Janta hoon main gussa hoon kyun ki mujhe samajh aata hai isliye
nahi ki mujhe samajh nahi aata

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Treatment:
The stage is being cleared and set for the final scene. Dialogue between god and patient.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fattened up

Shored up
Shoved up

my body decompensates

my body flies apart

no way to reach out

beyond the reaching out I've already done

you will always have a piece of me

 because you held my life in your hands

those brutal hands

this will end me

I thought it was silent

till it went silent

how have you inspired this pain?

I've never understood

what it is I'm not supposed to feel

like a bird on the wing in a swollen sky

my mind is torn by lightning

as it flies form the thunder behind

Hatch opens

Stark light
and Nothing

Nothing
see Nothing

What am I like?
the child of negation

out of one torture chamber into another

a vile succession of errors without remission

every step of the way I've fallen

Despair propels me to suicide

Anguish for which doctors can find no cure

Nor care to understand

I hope you never understand

Because I like you

I like you

I like you
 still black water
as deep as forever

as cold as the sky

as still as my heart when your voice is gone

I shall freeze in hell

of course I love you

you saved my life

I wish you hadn't

I wish you hadn't

I wish you'd left me alone

a black and white film of yes or no yes or no yes or no yes or no yes or no

yes or no

I've always loved you

even when I hated you

What am I like?
just like my father

oh no oh no oh no

Hatch opens

Stark light

the rupture begins

I don't know where to look anymore

Tired of crowd searching

Telepathy
and hope

Watch the stars

 predict the past

and change the world with a silver eclipse

the only thing that's permanent is destruction

we're all going to disappear

trying to leave a mark more permanent that myself

I've not killed myself before so don't look for

precedents What came before was just the beginning

a cyclical fear

that's not the moon it's the earth

A revolution

Dear God, dear God, what shall I do?

All I know

is snow
and black despair

Nowhere left to turn

an ineffectual mortal spasm

the only alternative to murder

Please don't cut me up to find out how I died

I'll tell you how I died

One hundred Lofepramine, forty five Zopiclone, twenty five

Temazepam, and twenty Melleril

Everything I had

Swallowed

Slit

Hung

It is done
behold the Eunuch

of castrated thought

skull

unwound

the capture

the rapture
the rupture

of a soul

a solo symphony

warm darkness
which soaks my eyes

I know no sin

this is the sickness of becoming great

the vital need for which I would die

to be loved

I'm dying for one who doesn't care

I'm dying for one who doesn't know

you're breaking me

Speak

Speak
Speak

ten yard ring of failure

 look away from me

My final stand

No one speaks

Validate me
Witness me

See me
Love me

my final submission

my final defeat

the chicken's still dancing

the chicken won't stop

I think that you think of me

the way I'd have you think of me

the final period

the final full stop

look after your mum now

look after your mum

Black snow falls

in death you hold me

 never free

I have no desire for death

no suicide ever had

watch me vanish

watch me

vanish

watch me

watch me

Watch
 It is myself I have never met, whose face is pasted on the underside of my mind

please open the curtains

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------