UHV Module-III

Harmony in the Family

1. Relationship IS and it exists between the Self (‘I’) and the other Self (‘I’).

2. The Self (‘I’) has feelings in a relationship. These feelings are between ‘I’ and ‘I’.
3. These feelings in the Self (‘I’) are definite. i.e. they can be identified with
definiteness.

4. Recognizing and fulfilling these feelings leads to mutual happiness in

The Body is incapable of understanding as well as having feelings. It is the Self (‘I’) that recognizes the
relationship. Thus a relationship exists between the Self (‘I’) and the other Self (‘I’). The relation to the Body is
through the Self (‘I’). For example, a mother feels related to the child she has given birth to. The body of the
child has its source in the body of the mother. But neither mother’s body nor the child’s has feelings. It is the Self
of the mother and the child who feel connected.

There are feelings in relations naturally. They do not have to be created, nor can we remove them.We may try to
suppress them, or argue against them, or undermine them, but they are very much there. These feelings are
fundamental to the relationship and can be recognized.

These Feelings in the Self (“I”) are Definite. They can be Identified with Definiteness:

We have already seen that relationship is naturally there between humans, that this relationship is between ‘I’
and ‘I’ and that there are feelings in the relationship. The feelings in relationship are to be identified with clarity.
With little exploration, we can see that feelings in relationships are actually definite, and not wague. These are
the values characterizing relationships – e.g. Trust, Respect, Affection, etc. – We shall explore them in the next
section. Living with these values, we are able to participate in the right way with other human beings
cont..
Recognizing and Fulfilling these Feelings Leads to Mutual Happiness in a Relationship:

Once we have recognized the existence of human relationships, we are subsequently able to identify the
feelings (values). When we work and behave according to these feelings, it leads to fulfilment of both
sides in the relationship, i.e. it leads to mutual fulfilment.

relationships in a family or in a society are not created, they just are. We can understand these
relationships and based upon this understanding, it will be natural to have right feelings (values) in these
relationships. These feelings are definite and can be recognized with certainty. We have also seen that
recognizing the relationship and having the feelings in relationship is an activity of the Self (‘I’) and not of
the Body. It becomes clear that relationship is between the Self (‘I’) and the other Self (‘I’) and the feelings
are also between ‘I’ and ‘I’. Mutual fulfilment is the natural outcome of a relation correctly recognized and
lived.
Justice (Nyãya)
Justice is the recognition of values (the definite feelings) in relationship, their fulfilment, the right
evaluation of the fulfilment resulting in mutual happiness (Ubhay-tripti). Thus there are four elements of
justice: recognition of values, fulfilment, evaluation and mutual happiness ensured. When all the four are
ensured, justice is ensured. Mutual fulfilment is the hallmark of justice. And justice is essential in all
relationships, be it with the small kid in your house, your old grandpa, the maid in the house, your fast
friends or your distant relations. We need to grow up in relationships to ensure continuity of justice in all
our relationship.
Values in Human Relationships
Feelings (Values) in Relationships :

(1) Trust (Visvãsa ) (can be spelt as ‘Vishvas’ too)

(2) Respect (Sammãna) (can be spelt as ‘Samman’ too)

(3) Affection (Sneha)

(4) Care (Mamatã) (can be spelt as ‘Mamata’ too)

(5) Guidance (Vãtsalya) (can be spelt as ‘Vatsalya’ too)

(6) Reverence (Shraddhã) (can be spelt as ‘Shraddha’ too)

(7) Glory (Guarava)

(8) Gratitude ( Kritagyatã ) (can be spelt as ‘Kritagyata’ too)

(9) Love (Prema) (can be spelt as ‘Prem’ too

To understand this, let us examine the following proposals:

1. I want to make myself happy

2. I want to make the other happy

3. The other wants to be happy

4. The other wants to make me happy

Ask yourself this question: “When do you feel afraid of somebody, and when do you feel assured?

The Answer is: l We feel assured of the other person when we are sure that the other wants to work for my
happiness and prosperity. l Whenever I feel the other will deny my happiness and/or prosperity, I am afraid of the
person.
Respect (Sammãna)
Respect means Right Evaluation, Respect means “Right Evaluation”, to be evaluated as I am. Usually however,
we make mistakes in our evaluation in the following three ways:

l Over Evaluation (adhi-mülyana) – To evaluate more than what it is. v e.g if you are wrongly flattered you feel
uncomfortable.

l Under Evaluation (ava-mülyana) – To evaluate less than what it is. v e.g if you are condemned, you feel
uncomfortable.

l Otherwise Evaluation (a-mülyana) – To evaluate otherwise than what it is. v e.g if you are evaluated as
something else , you feel uncomfortable.
Affection (Sneha)
Affection comes when I recognize that we both want to make each other happy and both of us are similar. Then
for the first time, I feel that I am related to the other that the other is a relative of mine. This feeling is called
affection.

Question: Do you want to be related to the other or be against the other? What is your natural acceptance.

When I have affection, it means I have come to realize that I am related to you and you are related to me. “This
feeling of acceptance of the other, as one’s relative is the feeling of affection or sneha in relationship

Question: Do you have the continuity of the feeling of being related to the other? With how many do you feel
continuously related to?

Answer: If we have doubted the intention of someone if we have had a fight, a feeling of opposition with the
person, it means we did not have trust and hence, there can be no affection. We can see that the way we are
today, we don’t even have this affection continuously, because, we don’t have trust continuously. We tend to have
a feeling of opposition for the other at times, be it somebody with whom we have been living for years (it can be
verified that if you have trust on intention of someone, you can’t get irritated, angry or have a feeling of opposition
with him, let alone having a fight). And this is a serious issue, since I want to be related to others. By looking at
someone’s competence, I have come to decide that the person’s intentions are wrong. So trust is not there,
respect is not there, and hence affection is not there. This makes me unhappy, because it is not what I want. And
not having affection makes me feel frustrated, depressed, I feel alone and alienated – you can check this for
yourself. For example after a fight, we don’t feel good, we feel alon