Business Communication

BS ENG 4th Semester

Abdul Karim Sheikh

Lec#32

Topic: Confidence Building, How to be an impressive

Personality
 Confidence Building, How to be an impressive
Personality

Confidence is not something that can be learned like a set of

rules; confidence is a state of mind. Positive thinking, practice,
training, knowledge and talking to other people are all useful
ways to help improve or boost your confidence levels.
Confidence comes from feelings of well-being, acceptance of
your body and mind (your self-esteem) and belief in your own
ability, skills and experience. Confidence is an attribute that
most people would like to possess.

What is Self-Confidence?
Although self-confidence can mean different things to
different people, in reality it simply means having faith in
yourself.
Confidence is, in part, a result of how we have been brought
up and how we've been taught. We learn from others how to
think about ourselves and how to behave - these lessons
affect what we believe about ourselves and other people.
Confidence is also a result of our experiences and how we've
learned to react to different situations.
Self-confidence is not a static measure. Our confidence to
perform roles and tasks and deal with situations can increase and
decrease, and some days we may feel more confident than
others.
Low-confidence can be a result of many factors including: fear
of the unknown, criticism, being unhappy with personal
appearance (self-esteem), feeling unprepared, poor time-
management, lack of knowledge and previous failures. Often
when we lack confidence in ourselves it is because of what we
believe others will think of us. Perhaps others will laugh at us or
complain or make fun if we make a mistake. Thinking like this
can prevent us from doing things we want or need to do because
we believe that the consequences are too painful or
embarrassing.
Over-confidence can be a problem if it makes you believe that
you can do anything - even if you don't have the necessary
skills, abilities and knowledge to do it well. In such situations
over-confidence can lead to failure. Being overly confident also
means you are more likely to come across to other people as
arrogant or egotistical. People are much more likely to take
pleasure in your failure if you are perceived as arrogant.

Related Areas
Confidence and self-esteem are not the same thing, although
they are often linked. Confidence is the term we use to describe
how we feel about our ability to perform roles, functions and
tasks. Self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves, the way we
look, the way we think - whether or not we feel worthy or
valued. People with low self-esteem often also suffer from
generally low confidence, but people with good self-esteem can
also have low confidence. It is also perfectly possible for people
with low self-esteem to be very confident in some areas.
Performing a role or completing a task confidently is not
about not making mistakes. Mistakes are inevitable, especially
when doing something new. Confidence includes knowing what
to do when mistakes come to light and therefore is also about
problem solving and decision making.

Ways to Improve Confidence

There are two sides to improving confidence. Although the
ultimate aim is to feel more confident in yourself and your
abilities it is also worth considering how you can appear
more confident to other people. The following list has lots of
ideas on how to achieve this.

Planning and Preparation

People often feel less confident about new or potentially
difficult situations. Perhaps the most important factor in
developing confidence is planning and preparing for the
unknown.
If you are applying for a new job, for example, it would be a
good idea to prepare for the interview. Plan what you would
want to say and think about some of the questions that you may
be asked. Practise your answers with friends or colleagues and
gain their feedback.
There are many other examples of planning for an interview.
Perhaps you should visit the hairdresser before you go. How are
you going to travel to the interview and how long will the
journey take? What should you wear? Take control of unknown
situations the best you can, break down tasks into smaller sub-
tasks and plan as many as you can.
In some situations it may be necessary to also have contingency
plans - backup plans if your main plan fails. If you had planned
to travel to your interview by car but on the morning the car
wouldn't start how would you get there? Being able to react
calmly to the unexpected is a sign of confidence.

Learning, Knowledge and Training

Learning and research can help us to feel more confident
about our ability to handle situations, roles and tasks.
Knowing what to expect and how and why things are done will
add to your awareness and usually make you feel more prepared
and ultimately more confident.
However, learning and gaining knowledge can sometimes make
us feel less confident about our abilities to perform roles and
tasks, and when this happens we need to combine our
knowledge with experience. By doing something we have
learned a lot about we put theory to practice which develops
confidence and adds to the learning and comprehension.
First-time parents to-be may well feel nervous and less than
confident about having a baby. They are likely to buy books or
visit websites which can offer advice and dispel some of the
mysteries. They are also likely to talk to other parents to gain
knowledge and understanding.
In the workplace, training may be provided for staff to teach
them how to manage or work with new systems and procedures.
During a period of organisational change this is particularly
important as many people will naturally resist changes. However
if those affected by the changes are given adequate information
and training then such resistances can usually be minimised as
the staff feel more prepared and therefore more confident with
the new system.

Positive Thought
Positive thought can be a very powerful way of improving
confidence.
If you believe that you can achieve something then you are
likely to work hard to make sure you do if, however, you don't
believe that you can accomplish a task then you are more likely
to approach it half-heartedly and therefore be more likely to fail.
The trick is convincing yourself that you can do something -
with the right help, support, preparedness and knowledge.
Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be
done without hope and confidence.

Helen Keller - Author, political activist, and lecturer. The first

deaf and blind person to earn a BA degree in the US.
There is a lot of information about positive thinking both online
and in print. The basic rules of positive thinking are to highlight
your strengths and successes and learn from your weaknesses
and mistakes. This is a lot easier than it sounds, and we often
dwell on things that we are not happy with from our past -
making them into bigger issues than they need to be. These
negative thoughts can be very damaging to confidence and your
ability to achieve goals.
Try to recondition the way you think about your life:
 Know your strengths and weaknesses. Write a list of
things that you are good at and things that you know need
improvement. Discuss your list with friends and family as,
inevitably, they will be able to add to the list. Celebrate and
develop your strengths and find ways to improve or manage
your weaknesses.
 We all make mistakes. Don't think of your mistakes as
negatives but rather as learning opportunities.
 Accept compliments and compliment yourself. When you
receive a compliment from somebody else, thank them and
ask for more details; what exactly did they like? Recognise
your own achievements and celebrate them by rewarding
yourself and telling friends and family about them.
 Use criticism as a learning experience. Everybody sees the
world differently, from their own perspective, and what
works for one person may not work for another. Criticism is
just the opinion of somebody else. Be assertive when
receiving criticism, don't reply in a defensive way or let
criticism lower your self-esteem. Listen to the criticism and
 make sure that you understand what is being said so you can
use criticism as a way to learn and improve.
 Try to stay generally cheerful and have a positive outlook
on life. Only complain or criticise when necessary and, when
you do, do so in a constructive way. Offer others
compliments and congratulate them on their successes.

Talking to Others and Following Their Lead

Find yourself a confidence role-model.
Ideally this will be someone that you see regularly, a work
colleague, a family member or a friend - somebody with a lot of
self-confidence who you'd like to mirror. Observe them and
notice how they behave when they are being confident. How do
they move, how do they speak, what do they say and when?
How do they behave when faced with a problem or mistake?
How do they interact with other people and how do others react
to them?
If possible talk to them to learn more about how they think and
what makes them tick.
Speaking to and being around people who are confident will
usually help you to feel more confident. Learn from others who
are successful in fulfilling the tasks and goals that you wish to
achieve - let their confidence rub off on you.
As you become more confident then offer help and advice,
become a role-model for somebody less confident.
Confidence is contagious. So is lack of confidence.
Vince Lombardi - Successful American Football coach.
Generally people are attracted to confident people - confidence
is one of the main characteristics of charisma.

Experience
As we successfully complete tasks and goals, our confidence
that we can complete the same and similar tasks again
increases.
A simple example of this is driving a car. Most people who have
been driving for some time do so almost automatically - they
don't have to think about which peddle to push or how to handle
a junction in the road, they just do it. This contrasts to a learner
driver who will probably feel nervous and have to concentrate
hard. The learner lacks experience and therefore confidence in
their ability to drive.
Gaining experience and taking the first step can, however, be
very difficult. Often the thought of starting something new is
worse than actually doing it. This is where preparation, learning
and thinking positively can help.
Break roles and tasks down into small achievable goals. Make
each one of your goals fit SMART criteria. That is to make
goals Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timed.
Whatever you do, aim to become as good as you can. The better
you are at doing something the more confident you become.
Be Assertive
Being assertive means standing up for what you believe in
and sticking to your principles.
Being assertive also means that you can change your mind if
you believe it is the right thing to do, not because you are under
pressure from somebody else.
Assertiveness, confidence and self-esteem are all very closely
linked - usually people become naturally more assertive as they
develop their confidence.

Keep Calm
There is usually a correlation between confidence and
calmness.
If you feel confident about a task then you will likely feel calm
about doing it. When you feel less confident you are more likely
to be stressed or nervous.
Trying to remain calm, even when you're under stress and
pressure, will tend to make you feel more confident.
To do this it is useful to learn how to relax. Learn at least one
relaxation technique that works for you and that you can use if
you're feeling stressed. This may be as simple as taking some
deliberate deep breaths both in and out.
Avoid Arrogance
Arrogance is detrimental to interpersonal relationships.
As your confidence grows and you become successful, avoid
feeling or acting superior to others. Remember - nobody is
perfect and there is always more that you can learn. Celebrate
your strengths and successes, and recognise your weaknesses
and failures. Give others credit for their work - use compliments
and praise sincerely. Be courteous and polite, show an interest in
what others are doing, ask questions and get involved.
Admit to your mistakes and be prepared to laugh at yourself!

Developing Your Self-Confidence Skills

Self-confidence can diminish over time if you don't practise
your skills or if you hit set-backs. As you become more self-
confident you should continue to practise your skills to
maintain and boost your confidence further.
Set yourself 'confidence targets' that require you to step out of
your comfort zone and do things that make you feel a degree of
nervousness or apprehension.
Potential confidence targets may include:
 Start a task or project that you've been putting off for a
long time. Often we put off starting important tasks because
they seem overwhelming, difficult or awkward to complete.
 Simply making a start on such a task can boost confidence
and make you more inclined to complete it.
 Make a complaint in a restaurant if there is a problem
with your order. If you would not usually complain about a
problem then doing so is a good way to improve your
confidence and assertiveness skills.
 Stand up and ask a question at a public meeting or in a
group. By doing this you are making yourself the centre of
attention for a few minutes.
 Volunteer to give a presentation or make a speech. For
many people speaking to a group of people is a particularly
scary prospect. The best way to overcome this fear and gain
confidence is with experience.
 Introduce yourself to somebody new. This could be
somewhere where people have something in common - like
at a party or a conference, making it potentially easier to
have a conversation. Or you could talk to a complete stranger
in a lift/elevator.
 Wear something that will draw attention - such as a
garish colour. Personal appearance is an important factor in
self-esteem and people with lower self-esteem tend to try not
to be noticed. Make a statement and stand out in a crowd!
 Join a group or class in your community. You will
potentially benefit in lots of different ways by meeting new
local people and learning new things while improving your
confidence.
 Take an unfamiliar journey on public
transport. Travelling to a new place using an unfamiliar
route and with random people will make most people feel at
least slightly uncomfortable.
How do you feel about each of the ideas on the list above?
Perhaps some gave you minor feelings of butterflies whereas
others filled you with dread. Although the list uses common
examples of potentially confidence-boosting tasks none may be
right for you. Think of some confidence targets that are right for
you - then start with easier ones and build up.