AVOIDANT ATTCHMENT STYLE

WORKBOOK

INTRODUCTION

UNDERSTANDING ATTACHMENT STYLES

HOW YOU DEVELOPED AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT

THE POWER OF THE SUBCONSCIOUS MIND

YOUR SHADOW WORK JOURNAL

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

EMBRACING VULNERABILITY

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

AFFIRMATIONS

A NEW YOU (CONCLUSION)

 INTRODUCTION

HOW TO HEAL AN AVOIDANT

ATTACHMENT STYLE

Why hey there avoidant, fancy seeing you here.

Usually you would avoid this type of thing (obviously),
so just being here is a massive first step.

How to Heal an Avoidant Attachment Style is here to

guide you through your next ones.

Together, we'll delve into the origins of your dismissive

avoidant attachment style, examine how your
subconscious programming has been impacting your
emotional responses, practice shadow work to heal
past trauma and learn how to reprogram the mind
through visualization and affirmations.

You've probably never tried a journal quite like this

before, so here's a little preview of what to expect.

Consider this journal your trusty companion (we know

trusting is hard for you - we'll work on it) – a safe
space to put everything you think down on paper and
let go.

This journal will act like a great listener with unique

insights that you might not have ever thought of
before.

It's here to assist you in unravelling the layers of your

past and cultivating a stronger, wiser version of you.

Why shadow work, you might ask? The answer is

simple.

It's a powerful psychological model that help us

discover hidden aspects of our personality, our
'shadow,' that often dictates our actions and reactions
in ways we might not even be fully aware of.
 INTRODUCTION

HOW TO HEAL AN AVOIDANT

ATTACHMENT STYLE

We'll guide you through comprehending the role of your 'shadow' and utilizing this understanding
for healing.

We've curated a set of prompts aimed at promoting self-reflection, understanding, and personal
growth.

Most importantly, we we'll equip you with practical tools and techniques to heal your avoidant
attachment style.

Before we dive in, take a moment to think about what you want to achieve on your journey.

We know you struggle with vulnerability, but are you ready to truly open up and be real with
yourself?

Yeah? Cool, let's do this.

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UNDERSTANDING
ATTACHMENT STYLES

Understanding Attachment Theory

First things first, let's learn a bit about attachment theory.

Attachment theory, at its core, is all about our connections with others.

It's a psychological model that attempts to describe the dynamics of long-term relationships
between humans.

But it's not just any relationship - it's the deep, emotional bond that forms between a child
and their caregivers, and how these early experiences of love and connection influence us
in our adult relationships.

Biologically speaking, humans are wired for connection.

It's not just a feel-good, optional part of life. It's essential for survival.

In our earliest years, forming an emotional bond with caregivers is vital because it directly
influences a child's safety and well-being.

A child's attachment to their caregiver is a survival mechanism that promotes basic needs,
triggering the caregiver's instinctual response to provide care.

After forming these initial emotional bonds with caregivers in your early years, which are
paramount for your immediate safety and well-being, the impact of these bonds extends far
beyond childhood.

These formative experiences don't just fade away; they embed themselves in your
subconscious mind, becoming a kind of automatic programming that dictates how you
approach relationships and emotional situations in adulthood.

We’ll explore this a little further later on.

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UNDERSTANDING
ATTACHMENT STYLES

Types of Attachment Styles

There are 4 main types of attachment styles, each with its unique characteristics, strengths,
and areas for growth. Here are the basics:

Avoidant Attachment
People with an avoidant-dismissive attachment style are uncomfortable with intimacy and
tend to be emotionally distant. They value independence and self-reliance, often avoiding
or downplaying the importance of close relationships. They may have difficulty expressing
their emotions or relying on others for support. They often prefer to maintain distance in
relationships.

Anxious Attachment
People with an anxious attachment style often experience a deep-seated fear of
abandonment, coupled with insecurity and a desire to feel needed. This attachment style
tends to emerge from experiences in early childhood where emotional needs were
inconsistently met, leading to heightened anxiety in relationships. They may also have a
fear of rejection. They tend to have a higher need for closeness and may experience more
frequent and intense emotions in their relationships.

Disorganized Attachment
Also known as fearful-avoidant, this style is characterized by a combination of anxious
and avoidant tendencies. People with a fearful-avoidant attachment style may have a fear
of both rejection and intimacy. They may desire close relationships but also feel anxious
about getting hurt or rejected. They may exhibit contradictory behaviors, such as pushing
others away while simultaneously longing for connection.

Secure Attachment
People with a secure attachment style feel comfortable with both intimacy and
independence. They trust their caregivers and feel secure in their relationships. As adults,
they tend to have healthy and balanced relationships, with good communication, trust, and
emotional support. This is what we’re aiming for!
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HOW YOU DEVELOPED AN

AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE

Understanding Avoidant Attachment

An avoidant attachment style is characterized by a significant emphasis on
independence and emotional self-reliance.

This isn't just a preference for solo time or space in a relationship; it's a deeply ingrained
wariness of becoming too emotionally entangled with someone else.

When you start to feel cornered by emotional demands or intimacy, your internal alarm
system kicks in.

It may not look like classic "fight or flight" mode, but it activates protective measures that
induce; hypervigilance, emotional detachment and total withdrawal.

Your defence mechanisms activate and you emotionally shut everything down.

Don't be too hard on yourself if you recognize this in your own behavior; as we’ve
already explored your attachment style is most likely a product of your early life
experiences.

You may have been raised in a home where emotional expression was discouraged or
where independence was overly emphasized.

Your caregivers might have been inconsistent in their affection or emotionally

unavailable altogether.

Maybe they were just dealing with their own struggles and unintentionally neglected
your needs.

These experiences often lead to a focus on self-preservation, even at the expense of

meaningful emotional connections.

People with avoidant attachment styles may scrutinize their partners for flaws or keep an
emotional scorecard, not as a way to keep the relationship in check, but as a way to
justify their emotional distance.

By doing this, you're not necessarily pushing others away intentionally, but you're
safeguarding yourself from the vulnerabilities that come with emotional intimacy.
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Causes of an Avoidant Attachment Style

Now let's try to identify how you developed your avoidant attachment style.

Emotional Unavailability of Parent/s

Childhood Roots: When the people responsible for your well-being were indifferent or
unresponsive to your emotional needs, you naturally learned to downplay the importance
of those needs. You adapted by internalizing your emotions, learning that emotional
availability from others is unreliable at best.

Adult Reinforcement: This manifests as a hesitance to fully emotionally invest in your

partners. You've become adept at offering the bare minimum of emotional involvement,
enough to maintain the relationship but not so much that you feel at risk of emotional
pain or disappointment.

Defensive Independance
Childhood Roots: In a household where stringent expectations were the norm, displaying
vulnerability often invited criticism rather than compassion. Your emotional self-
expression was stunted as you adapted to your parents' high expectations, internalizing
the message that it's better to manage your feelings independently to avoid judgment.

Adult Reinforcement: You've become used to handling your emotional struggles alone.
The hesitance to expose vulnerabilities makes it a challenge to engage in the kind of
open, emotionally supportive relationships that many find fulfilling.

Parental Mental Health

Childhood Roots: Growing up with a parent struggling with depression or other mental
health issues could mean experiencing emotional neglect or inconsistency. On good
days, your parent might have shown affection or engaged with you, but on their low
days, they likely withdrew, becoming emotionally unavailable.

Adult Reinforcement: This inconsistency might have programmed you to handle

emotional issues solo, never quite sure if seeking support would be met with warmth or
indifference. You might be reluctant to share emotional burdens with your partner, as
you've learned to equate seeking help with potential disappointment or neglect.
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High Standards & Perfectionism

Childhood Roots: Raised in an environment where the bar was set exceptionally high,
you were implicitly—or explicitly—taught that love and approval were contingent upon
your achievements and behavior. This created an incessant pressure to be perfect,
making you keenly aware of your own flaws and failures. Any shortfall was not just a
simple mistake but a mark against your worthiness for emotional support and affection.

Adult Reinforcement: You find yourself not only demanding perfection from yourself but
your partners too. You have a tendency to judge your partners and create standards so
high that they can’t be met. Over time, your high standards turn into high walls, limiting
the depth and richness of emotional connections you could otherwise enjoy.

Traumatic Events
Childhood Roots: Experiencing traumatic events in childhood significantly alters your
perception of safety and emotional well-being. These events could range from accidents,
the loss of a loved one, to extreme forms of emotional or physical abuse. The trauma
teaches you, at a young age, that vulnerability can be hazardous, making it imperative
to construct an emotional armor for self-preservation.

Adult Reinforcement: You've learned to associate emotional openness with potential

danger or pain, leading you to control the emotional temperature of your interactions
meticulously. This emotional distance you maintain serves as both a shield and a barrier,
protecting you from perceived threats but also preventing meaningful, intimate
connections.

Busy Parent/s
Childhood Roots: If you grew up with parents who were constantly busy—be it with
work, social commitments, or other pursuits—you likely experienced periods of emotional
unavailability from them. Even if they provided for you materially, their hectic schedules
could have resulted in neglecting emotional check-ins or meaningful interactions.

Adult Reinforcement: This environment might have taught you to fend for yourself
emotionally, equating independence with emotional safety. In your adult relationships,
this manifests as a tendency to tackle challenges alone, hesitant to lean on a partner for
fear of being an inconvenience or burden.
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Sibling Dynamics
Childhood Roots: Growing up amidst intense sibling rivalry or competition can be more
than just a family dynamic; it can shape your very understanding of attachment and
emotional intimacy. The competition for parental attention or resources might have taught
you that emotional connections are transactional or unstable.

Adult Reinforcement: These early experiences can manifest as a hesitancy to truly invest
emotionally. The competitive dynamics you learned in your family might make you view
emotional intimacy as a zero-sum game where vulnerability could mean losing out. These
habits persistently influence your interactions, making it challenging to form deep, stable
bonds.

Parental Alienation
Childhood Roots: Parental alienation involves one parent manipulating a child to create
distance between the child and the other parent. This form of emotional manipulation
can instill a deep mistrust of emotional closeness.

Adult Reinforcement: This foundation of mistrust can surface as a fear of manipulation or

emotional exploitation. It can make you extremely cautious in letting anyone get too
close, reinforcing your avoidant tendencies.

Emotional Suppression
Childhood Roots: In households where emotional expression was frowned upon or even
punished, you learn to tightly control your feelings and desires. You grow up believing
that emotions are liabilities, better kept at arm's length. This environment is ripe for the
development of an avoidant attachment style, where emotional suppression becomes a
coping mechanism.

Adult Reinforcement: Opening up emotionally may feel like you're crossing a line you
were taught never to approach. This can make it incredibly difficult to form an emotional
connection, as you instinctively retreat into your protective shell whenever vulnerability is
on the horizon.
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HOW YOU DEVELOPED AN

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Social & Cultural Reinforcement

Childhood Roots: Social experiences outside the home also played a role. Whether it
was peer rejection, bullying, or simply cultural norms that glorify emotional stoicism,
these social factors reinforced your inclination to keep emotional distance. The collective
message was clear: showing vulnerability is a weakness, and emotional self-reliance is
the gold standard.

Adult Reinforcement: You might find yourself modeling or gravitating towards

relationships that align with these socially reinforced beliefs. Being 'cool' and
'unattached' often gets validation, whether it's through media or social circles, fortifying
your existing avoidant tendencies. The perpetual reinforcement from society at large
makes it difficult to break free from this pattern.

Unresolved Past Relationships

Adult Origin: While many attachment behaviors take root in childhood, some are born
out of adult experiences. Relationships that ended poorly, were emotionally draining, or
caused significant emotional upheaval can impact your attachment tendencies in
meaningful ways. These failed or painful relationships introduce a new layer of
emotional baggage, influencing how you approach intimacy and emotional investment
in future partnerships.

Adult Reinforcement: As you forge new relationships, the shadows of these unresolved
past relationships frequently resurface, especially when facing emotional closeness or
conflict. These past experiences reinforce your hesitance to fully emotionally invest in a
new partner. The natural inclination is to retreat into avoidant behaviors, which serve as
a form of emotional self-preservation. This pattern keeps you at a safe distance, making it
increasingly difficult to form intimate, fulfilling relationships.
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Signs of an Avoidant Attachment Style

Now that you have some idea of how you developed your attachment style, it’s valuable
to have a clear understanding of what an avoidant attachment style looks like in
everyday life.

Recognizing the signs can be the first step toward cultivating healthier relationships and
greater emotional balance.

Here's what an avoidant attachment style often looks like in daily interactions:

Avoidance of Emotional Intimacy: You often shy away from deep emotional
discussions or displays of affection, considering them unnecessary or even
cumbersome.

Valuing Independence Over Connection: While independence is generally a positive

trait, you may prioritize it to the point where it hinders forming deep relationships.
You often view relying on others as a sign of weakness.

Difficulty Accepting Support: When offered emotional support or help, you're likely to
decline or deflect, preferring to handle things on your own even when it's not in your
best interest.

Dismissive of Others' Needs: You might not be attuned to your partner's emotional
needs or might dismiss them as being too needy or clingy, not recognizing this as a
normal aspect of a balanced relationship.

Reluctance to Commit: Whether it's labelling a relationship or planning a future

together, you find yourself hesitating or dodging commitment, often fearing it might
compromise your freedom.

Detachment During Conflict: Instead of confronting issues and working through them,
you're more likely to retreat and put emotional distance between yourself and the
issue at hand.

Unwilling to Reveal Vulnerabilities: You keep your weaknesses and fears closely
guarded, considering emotional vulnerability as giving others power over you.
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Suppressing Feelings: Emotional restraint is your go-to strategy. Even if you're

experiencing strong feelings, you're likely to bottle them up rather than sharing
openly.

Skeptical of True Love or 'Happily Ever Afters': A dose of skepticism often colors your
view of love, questioning the feasibility of long-term happiness in romantic
relationships.

Being aware of these traits gives you the roadmap you challenging your avoidant
tendencies, giving you a focus for where to channel your efforts for emotional growth.

Triggers for an Avoidant Attachment

Spotting your triggers is also crucial when you have an avoidant attachment style.

It helps you understand why you may emotionally distance yourself or resort to self-
reliance at the expense of deeper connections.

As someone with an avoidant attachment style, you may find yourself triggered by:

Emotional Demands: When someone asks for emotional support or a deeper level of
commitment, you might pull away, feeling burdened or trapped.

Talks About the Future: Any discussions about long-term plans, moving in together,
or any other form of commitment may make you uneasy or provoke an internal
resistance.

Vulnerability: Sharing weaknesses or discussing emotional hardships can make you

uncomfortable, pushing you to change the subject or distance yourself.

Clingy or 'Needy' Behavior: Perceptions of neediness from a partner can trigger your
inclination to withdraw emotionally, reinforcing your avoidant tendencies.

Jealousy or Possessiveness: Observing these emotions from a partner can be

unsettling, causing you to question the relationship and ponder an exit strategy.
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Breaks in Routine: A sudden change in your partner's habits or emotional availability

can induce feelings of uncertainty, prompting you to retreat into your shell for
protection.

Expressed Insecurities: Hearing your partner express doubt or insecurities in the

relationship can be a trigger, compelling you to consider whether the emotional
investment is worth it.

Challenges to Independence: Any event or behavior that seems to infringe upon your
personal freedom or self-reliance can activate your avoidant triggers, such as
unsolicited advice or overt emotional expressions aimed at you.

Intense Emotional Moments: Situations that require emotional openness and

exchange can provoke avoidance, particularly if it's about negative or sensitive
topics.

Conflict or Confrontation: Disagreements or criticisms can make you emotionally shut

down, avoiding the issue rather than facing it head-on.

High-Stakes Situations: Major life events, such as meeting the family or discussing
moving in together, can ramp up your resistance and avoidance mechanisms, even if
things in the relationship have been going smoothly.

By identifying these triggers, you can work towards preemptive strategies and coping
mechanisms.

You'll be better prepared to manage your emotional reactions and take constructive
steps to secure your relationships and internal emotional state.
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HOW YOU DEVELOPED AN

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Exercise 1: Rating Your Avoidant Attachment

This exercise uses a straightforward rating system to help you evaluate your avoidant
attachment tendencies. Take some time to ponder each of the following statements. Rate
how true each one feels for you on a scale of 1 (rarely true) to 10 (always true):

I often find faults in people who want to get close to me.

Emotional conversations generally make me uncomfortable.

I don't like it when people rely on me emotionally.

I avoid discussing the future of my relationships.

I purposely suppress my own emotions

I often keep my problems to myself, even from people I'm close to.

When someone expresses their feelings for me, I pull away.

Being vulnerable feels like weakness.

I rarely think about my emotional needs.

Emotional intimacy feels like a threat to my personal freedom.

I find it easy to move on after the end of a relationship.

I am often described as emotionally unavailable, cold or distant by those

who try to get close to me.

Low Score (1-20): Your avoidant attachment tendencies are mild. Even a minimal awareness
of what triggers these tendencies can be extremely beneficial for your personal growth.

Medium Score (21-50): You exhibit moderate levels of avoidant attachment behavior. Pay
special attention to the statements where you scored higher.

High Score (51-90): Your tendencies toward avoidant attachment are quite strong and may
require more focused effort to address.
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HOW YOU DEVELOPED AN

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Reflection & Improvement

Now it's time to zero in on the areas where you recognize potential for improvement.

Turn your attention to the statements where you rated yourself between 6 and 10 in the
previous avoidant attachment exercise.

For each of these elevated scores, consider setting a specific objective or gaining an insight
you'd like to achieve.

Example:

If you scored high on: "I avoid discussing the future of my relationships."
Your goal could be: "I want to become more comfortable discussing my emotions and
communicating about the future with my partner”.

Use this exercise as a benchmark to refer back to as you progress through this journal.

It serves as a roadmap, ensuring the efforts you're making are in sync with the
transformations you're eager to cultivate within yourself.
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HOW YOU DEVELOPED AN

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WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO IMPROVE ON?

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HOW YOU DEVELOPED AN

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WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO IMPROVE ON?

 SECTION 3

THE POWER OF YOUR

SUBCONSCIOUS MIND

Getting Stuck in Thought Loops

Did you know, your subconscious mind is on a constant loop?

You've thought around 90% of the same thoughts today as you did yesterday - this is our
very own version of "auto-pilot".

It's always there, always active, shaping the story you live every day.

Think of it like a program that's always running without you realizing it.

From your subconscious mind spring your thoughts, feelings, habits, and ultimately, your
lived reality.

It’s really hard to break this cycle of thought, especially when you’re not aware of it.

So, what are you thinking about?

The subconscious mind stores all of your memories, beliefs, values, past experiences and
trauma.

If you're someone who has unresolved issues, past trauma, insecurities, anger, resentment,
fear or anxiety, the likelihood is that your subconscious narrative or "the voice in your
head" is mostly fearful, negative, aggressive, insecure or full of anxiety.

For example, if you've experienced trauma that has led to the belief that "I’ll never find the
right person for me" your subconscious programming will continue to reiterate and confirm
that belief.

From the moment you're born, your subconscious mind begins to store and learn from
every experience, every emotion, every belief, and all the information you encounter.
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THE POWER OF YOUR

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Childhood Programming
Now let’s talk about your deeply ingrained beliefs, thoughts and assumptions.

We start to establish our subconscious programming between the ages of 0-7 years old.

During this time, both hemispheres of the brain are firing and absorbing everything around
us like a sponge.

This is where we start to become conditioned by our families, friends, schools, religious
beliefs and society.

Through this conditioning, we begin to develop our own personal identity or “Ego”.

By the time you reach 8 years old the majority of your assumptions and belief systems are
deeply ingrained in the subconscious mind and will continue to affect your behaviour into
adulthood.

So, in essence, all of your ingrained beliefs, assumptions and influences from childhood
are still triggering your subconscious mind today without you even realizing it.

Shadow work is going to help you recognize where these triggers manifested and help you
to understand and integrate them.

The mind will fight to stay in the 'known' - even if that means living the same stories of pain
and trauma over and over again for a lifetime.

This is your baseline - your mind and body’s comfort zone.

By practicing shadow work and understanding the mind, we are going to intentionally
disrupt any negative subconscious thoughts through awareness, visualization and
affirmations.

By intentionally changing your thought patterns you can create new neural connections in
the brain and rewire your mind toward more secure connections.

This is called neuroplasticity.

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THE POWER OF YOUR

SUBCONSCIOUS MIND

Rewiring Your Nervous System

When you find yourself stuck in a mental loop, replaying the same stories and scenarios
over and over again, there's more happening beneath the surface than just a "busy mind."

These repetitive thought patterns can actually have a physiological impact on you.

When you find yourself retreating emotionally or becoming overly self-reliant, it's not just a
pattern of behavior you're enacting; it's also a physiological process.

Your body is setting off its own set of biochemical reactions designed to maintain a status
quo — one of emotional distance and self-preservation.

What does that mean?

Well, it throws your stress response mechanisms out of whack, making it more challenging
to cope with day-to-day pressures.

The brain can't tell the difference between fearing a predator that's about to attack you in
real life and fearing something in your imagination (i.e. remembering a past trauma in
your mind).

These incessant loops contribute to your body's production of stress hormones like cortisol
and adrenaline, setting off a domino effect that can influence everything from your mood to
your immune system.

This cycle of biochemical responses can perpetuate your state of being, keeping you locked
in a reactive mode, rather than a proactive one.

The subconscious mind clings to the stories you tell yourself, the memories you sit with and
continues to send the same thoughts to you over and over again.

So, breaking free from these repetitive thought loops isn't just about achieving mental
clarity; it's about recalibrating an entire system — your mind-body network — to function
in a way that supports your holistic well-being.

It’s cool though, we’re going to work on this together.

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THE POWER OF YOUR

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Awareness & Listening to Your Thoughts

Now that you have an awareness of your subconscious loop, it’s time to disrupt it.

Your internal dialogue is geared towards making sure you're loved and valued, but it has
a way of creating emotional turbulence.

This often manifests as heightened sensitivity to your partner's moods, words, and actions—
always scanning for signs of approval or disapproval.

Your subconscious feeds you lines that you need constant reassurance to feel secure, which
just fuels your cycle of emotional neediness.

Remember, the body doesn’t know the difference between a thought and a real experience.

Every time you think about that fight from a few weeks ago, or a bad childhood memory,
or that ex that cheated on you, your brain thinks it’s happening right now.

Can you see how that’s a problem? Your internal alarms are always activated and we
need to start working on that.

Here’s the truth: it’s you vs you here.

You’re challenging your default programming by interrupting it and sending it new

messaging.

You’re taking control by understanding that you are not your thoughts - crazy, right?

The more you pay attention to what’s going on in your brain, the more you can actively
choose your thoughts.

When your brain starts to hear positive thoughts as opposed to negative or fearful
thoughts, it starts to believe them.

It’s like giving yourself a software update, that loop that you’ve been stuck in for months,
years or even decades starts to shift and change. Make sense?

It takes 30 days to create new neural pathways. Are you ready to start rewiring the mind
together?
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THE POWER OF YOUR

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Techniques for Listening to Your Thoughts
Ready to take back control of your mind? Make a commitment out loud to yourself right
now, say: “I am going to start listening to my thoughts” - this is setting a reminder for your
brain.

Now let’s start practicing.

Technique 1: Catching & Challenging

The first technique is catching and challenging your thoughts.

What’s something that’s causing you stress or anxiety at the moment? Write it down.

We’re going to use this situation as a test.

For the next few days, every time you think about this situation, try to catch the thought.

It sounds a little weird, but now that you have an awareness of your loop you’re going to
see that your brain runs off on tangents all the time without you even consciously realizing
it.

Once you catch the thought “observe it”.

Challenge it.
Was it valid?
Do you agree?
Why are you thinking it?
Where did the thought come from?
Has this thought been on loop for more than one day?
What can you do about the thought?

Interrupt the thought - literally - tell yourself to stop - shift your focus to something else.
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Technique 2: Breathwork

If you ever find yourself in a mental spiral or feeling particularly stressed, you can use
breathwork to redirect your thoughts.

Why breathwork?

When you take slow, deep breaths, you're sending signals to your brain to chill out.

Deep breathing activates the vagus nerve, the largest nerve in the body, that connects the
brainstem to all of our major organs and is responsible for regulating emotion.

Stimulating this nerve kicks your parasympathetic nervous system into gear—that's the "rest
and digest" part of your autonomic nervous system.

This counters the stress-induced "fight or flight" mode, dialing down the production of
stress hormones like cortisol.

What you get is a calmer mind, lower heart rate, and a sense of equilibrium, making it
easier to tackle any thoughts or challenges that come your way.

So, the next time you breathe deeply, know that you're doing some instant neuroscience to
get your system back on track.

Tips for Breathwork

Try to focus your mind on the air entering your nose and exiting your mouth.
When you catch yourself thinking again, redirect your mind to the breath.
Make your first breath slow and deep.

Here’s one simple technique that helps you regulate your nervous system:

1 deep inhale through the nose, fill your belly, followed by;
1 short inhale through the nose, up to your chest, then;
Hold at the top of your head for 8-10 seconds, followed by;
1 long exhale for 6-8 seconds through the mouth,
Repeat 3-10 times.
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Technique 3: You vs Your Phone

When you wake up in the morning, what’s the first thing that you do?

Grab your phone? Thought so.

When you wake up, your brain is transitioning from a theta state—a deeply relaxed,
borderline meditative state—to a more alert alpha or beta state.

This is a crucial time for setting intentions and framing your mindset for the day.

Reaching for your phone disrupts this process.

It immediately puts you in a reactive mode, absorbing external stimuli like emails, social
media, and news.

This can cause a spike in stress hormones and conditions your brain to be more reactive
and less intentional throughout the day.

In essence, you're forfeiting your first moments of the day to external circumstances, instead
of consciously steering them to align with your own well-being and goals.

We know that this one is going to be hard but you’re here to make changes, right? And
you’re probably going to fail some days, but that’s okay, try again the next day.

Here’s what to do on days that you do remember:

Realize that you’re waking up - oh hey.

Consciously stop yourself from touching your phone.
Stay in your bed and lay on your back
Take 10-20 deep breaths, inhaling through the mouth and exhaling through the mouth
Take a moment to sit in a calm state after your breaths
Tell yourself that you’re going to own the day in whatever words feel authentic to you.

Then when you’re done - grab your phone - we know you want to.

This is a really interesting you vs you moment. Your mind and body will fight you on this.

The question is - who will win?

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Technique 4: Mirror Talk

This one’s pretty simple but something you’ve probably never done.

Mirror talk.

Every time you catch yourself in the mirror look into your eyes and say a positive mantra to
yourself; something like “damn I am f***ing sexy” or “I am feeling incredible today” or “I
am crushing it today”.

Use words that resonate with you but make sure they are positive and use an “I am”
statement.

Even on days you don’t believe it, make it a habit.

Make it short - make an impact with it.

Write down your mantra:

Say it out loud when you’re alone and in your head when people are around (we don’t
want them to think you’re crazy).

Try to do this as often as possible - it’ll start to become a habit and you’ll find yourself
automatically saying it at some point - you might even start to really believe it.
 SECTION 3

THE POWER OF YOUR

SUBCONSCIOUS MIND

Exercise 2: Your Web of Beliefs

We've talked a lot about your attachment style and how your subconscious programming
is shaping your life and we'll continue to unpack that more later, aside from that - who are
you as of right now?

What do YOU believe?

We're now going to do an exercise to map out your web of beliefs.

1. On the next page draw lines radiating out from “My Beliefs”, like a web.
2. At the end of each line, write a belief or assumption you hold about yourself, others, or
the world. For example what do you believe about:
Life - is it fair?
Love - do you believe in it?
People's opinion's about you?
How you look?
Where you are in life?
Failure
Expectations
Your ability to change your life
The purpose of life?
What the future holds?
3. Once you've filled the page, take a step back. Look at your Belief Web. Are there any
beliefs that surprise you? Any patterns? Any beliefs that might be holding you back
from fully accepting yourself?
4. Circle the beliefs you want to work on changing throughout your journey.
 SECTION 3

THE POWER OF YOUR

SUBCONSCIOUS MIND

My Beliefs
 SECTION 4

YOUR SHADOW WORK

JOURNAL
Now that you understand avoidant attachment a little better and you’ve become aware of
your thoughts it’s time to get to the good part - shadow work.

What is the Shadow Self?

We all have a “shadow self”; this is the part of the subconscious mind where we store all
of our deepest shame, regret, denial and desires.

It’s the part of us that we hide from the world. In the context of avoidant attachment style,
the shadow may include fears of intimacy, vulnerability, and dependency.

It can manifest as emotional detachment, a deep-seated need for independence, and a

resistance to forming deep emotional connections.

The more we repress these parts of ourselves the darker our shadow self becomes.

These emotional blockages lead to self sabotaging behaviour and negative emotions.

Shadow work helps to access these parts of yourself to experience a release of these
repressed feelings.

What is Shadow Work?

Shadow work is a simple but powerful practice where you answer questions relating to
your childhood and reflect on your adult life to determine your patterns of behaviour.

It was first derived by renowned psychoanalyst Carl Jung who believed that our shadow
self is predominantly developed during childhood.

Prompts about childhood are integral to the practice to understand where your behaviour
manifests from.

These prompts will help to access parts of the subconscious brain that store your deepest
memories, beliefs and assumptions about the world.

These are the traits that are deeply programmed in the mind that you barely even recognise
in yourself. As you answer the prompts you will unearth answers that you might not have
even been aware of.
 SECTION 4

YOUR SHADOW WORK

JOURNAL
The Role of Trauma
Trauma and neglect as a child play a significant role in the development of an avoidant
attachment style. Traumatic experiences, especially those involving caregivers, can
disrupt a child's sense of safety and trust.

It's important here to understand the context of the word "trauma" as we're using it.

Big “T” Trauma

"Big T" traumas include events that are generally recognized as traumatic by society.
They're usually significant, shocking, or catastrophic occurrences such as emotional
abuse, violent assaults, or other life-threatening situations.

Small “t” Trauma

"Small t" traumas might not be life-threatening or as immediately shocking, but they still
carry a significant emotional weight.

They include things like when a child is emotionally neglected, dismissived, overly
disciplined, limited in expression, controlled, confused about their identity or passively
bullied by their parent/s.

Maybe your parent/s were just too busy trying to support the family, maybe they were
trying their best but also struggling with their own issues.

The terms "big T" and "small t" do not imply that one type of trauma is more important
or impactful than the other. The impact of trauma is subjective and varies greatly from
person to person.

Understanding these root causes is crucial for healing.

It allows you to recognize that your coping mechanisms served a purpose at one point,
even if they're no longer serving you now.

It's not about assigning blame, but about understanding and compassion.
 SECTION 4

YOUR SHADOW WORK

JOURNAL

Now that we've delved into the concept of shadow work, it's time to put theory into
practice.

This section is designed to help you explore your 'shadow' through a series of prompts.

Each set of prompts focuses on a different aspect of your relationship and personal history.
1. Childhood Reflection
2. Assessing Current Patterns
3. Embracing Vulnerability
4. Relationships, Sex & Intimacy
5. Envisioning the Future

Remember, shadow work is a personal and often emotional process. It's okay to feel
uncomfortable at times.

That discomfort is a sign that you're pushing your boundaries and growing.
 SECTION 4

YOUR SHADOW WORK

JOURNAL

Shadow work journaling can be quite an emotional experience so we recommend

practicing in a safe and calm environment.

Tips For Shadow Work Journalling

1. Create a safe space: Find a quiet and comfortable space where you can focus on your
thoughts and emotions without distractions.Set up your space so that you feel calm and
safe
2. Write Freely: This journal is a judgement-free zone. Let your thoughts flow freely on the
pages. Don't worry about sounding 'correct' or 'proper'. Just write what feels right for
you, in your own voice.
3. Choose prompts that resonate with you: if they make you feel uncomfortable then
they're usually the ones you should answer
4. Focus on the Details: Go into as much detail as you can when writing your answers
5. Don’t hold back: this journal is just for you, there should be no shame or fear when
practicing. You don't have to share it with anyone unless you want to. It's a safe
container for your thoughts, emotions, dreams, fears, and hopes.
6. No Wrong Answers: In this journal, every answer is the right one because it's yours.
Your experiences, your feelings, your perspectives – they all matter. Each prompt is an
invitation for self-exploration, not a test.
7. Allow emotions to surface: If you feel any intense emotions bubbling let them out!
8. Embrace Creativity: Feel free to use different forms of creative expression. If words
don't feel sufficient, you can draw, sketch, doodle, use colors, write poems, or even
create a collage. This journal is your canvas.
9. Consistency and Flexibility: You can practice over days, weeks or months. Aim for
consistency, but don't stress if life gets hectic and you miss a day or two. The important
thing is to come back when you can. Similarly, if you want to spend more time on a
particular exercise or skip one that doesn't resonate, that's perfectly fine. This journey is
about you and should be adapted to your rhythm
10. Be kind to yourself: if it feels overwhelming take a break
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

Shadow Work & Your Inner Child

Your shadow work journey starts with some deep childhood reflection. This is going to help
you understand where your avoidant patterns of behavior started.

Your inner child is that part of your psyche that still reacts and feels like the child you once
were.

It carries your experiences, memories, and emotions from your early years.

As we grow older, many of us suppress this part of ourselves to fit into societal norms and
expectations, leading to an unaddressed emotional turmoil that can have a significant
impact on our lives.

Shadow work is the process of acknowledging, understanding, and healing this hidden
part of yourself.

It involves addressing the unmet needs, unrecognized desires, and unresolved emotions of
your inner child.

By engaging in this profound self-reflection process, you can identify the origins of your
fears, insecurities, and patterns of behavior that may be holding you back.

Shadow work can help us understand these experiences, see how they shaped our
attachment styles, and allow us to heal and move towards a healthier way of relating to
others.

We'll help you bring light to your shadow, giving it the attention, love, and understanding
it needs to heal.

Ready to get started?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

AS A CHILD WHO WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO EVER LET YOU DOWN? DO
YOU REMEMBER THAT MOMENT? WHAT HAPPENED?

HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT THEM AFTER IT HAPPENED?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

WHAT ROLE DID YOU PLAY IN YOUR FAMILY IN RELATION TO YOUR

PARENT/S AND SIBLING/S?

HOW DID THIS AFFECT YOU?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR PARENT/S’ RELATIONSHIP GROWING

UP? WRITE ABOUT THEM FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD PERSPECTIVE.

HOW DO YOU VIEW THEIR RELATIONSHIP AS AN ADULT?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

AS A CHILD WHO WAS YOUR BEST EXAMPLE OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

AND WHY? DID YOU HAVE ONE? IF NOT, WHY?

DO YOU STILL SEE THIS RELATIONSHIP AS HEALTHY AS AN ADULT?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

WERE YOU ALLOWED TO EXPRESS YOUR EMOTIONS AS A CHILD? WHAT

WAS THE REACTION TO YOU EXPRESSING CONCERN?

WRITE ABOUT A TIME THAT YOU EXPRESSED YOUR EMOTIONS AND WERE
REJECTED AS A CHILD.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

REFLECT ON A TIME IN YOUR CHILDHOOD WHERE YOU FELT THE NEED TO

SUPPRESS YOUR EMOTIONS. WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO YOU DURING
THIS TIME?

WHY DID YOU FEEL THE NEED TO HIDE YOUR TRUE FEELINGS?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

WHAT ATTACHMENT STYLE DO YOU THINK YOUR PARENT/S HAD TO EACH

OTHER? WHY?

DO YOU THINK THEIR RELATIONSHIP DYNAMIC IS HEALTHY AS AN ADULT?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

WHEN YOU ACHIEVED ANYTHING AS A CHILD DID YOUR PARENT/S

ENCOURAGE AND VALIDATE YOUR ACHIEVEMENT? DID YOU FEEL
SUPPORTED OR DID YOU FEEL PRESSURED?

WRITE A STORY ABOUT A TIME WHERE YOU WERE CELEBRATED BY YOUR

FAMILY AS A CHILD.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

WHAT ATTACHMENT STYLE DO YOU THINK YOUR PARENT/S HAVE TO

TOWARD YOU? IS IT HEALTHY? WHY/WHY NOT?

IS THIS FEELING THE SAME AS AN ADULT? WHY/WHY NOT?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

REFLECT ON WHAT WAS YOUR MOST TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE AS A

CHILD. WHAT HAPPENED?

HOW DID THIS MAKE YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF? DID IT CHANGE YOU?
HOW?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

WHAT WAS YOUR HAPPIEST MOMENT AS A CHILD - WHERE WERE

YOU, WHO WERE YOU WITH? EXPLAIN IN DETAIL.

HOW DID YOU FEEL LOVED IN THIS MOMENT, IF AT ALL?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

WHAT WAS ONE STRONG BELIEF THAT YOU HAD AS A CHILD THAT YOU
WERE WRONG ABOUT.

WHAT CHANGED YOUR MIND?

HAVE YOU FULLY RELEASED THIS BELIEF OR DO YOU THINK IT STILL

LINGERS? WHY?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

WERE THERE EVER TIMES WHEN YOU FELT LIKE YOU HAD TO HIDE OR CHANGE
PARTS OF YOURSELF FROM YOUR FAMILY? WHAT WERE THEY?

ARE YOU STILL HIDING PARTS OF YOURSELF? IF SO, WHY?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

DID YOU FEEL LIKE YOU COULD 100% RELY ON ANYONE AS A CHILD? IF
SO, WHO AND WHY, IF NOT WHY?

DID YOU FEEL SUPPORTED OR ALONE?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

HOW WERE CONFLICTS HANDLED IN YOUR CHILDHOOD HOME? DID YOUR

PARENT/S FIGHT, BICKER OR ARGUE IN FRONT OF YOU? EXPLAIN THE
DYNAMIC.

HOW HAS THIS INFLUENCED YOUR CONFLICT RESOLUTION SKILLS AS AN

ADULT?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

DID YOU EVER FEEL BURDENED AS A CHILD - LIKE YOU TOOK ON TOO
MUCH RESPONSIBILITY, WHETHER LITERALLY OR EMOTIONALLY? EXPLAIN.

HOW DO YOU THINK THIS CHANGED YOU?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

CREATE A PLAYLIST OF SONGS ON YOUR PHONE THAT REPRESENTS

SONGS YOU LOVED AS A KID. LISTEN TO IT AND WRITE ABOUT HOW THE
PLAYLIST MAKES YOU FEEL AND WHAT THEY REMIND YOU OF.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

WHAT WAS THE BIGGEST SECRET YOU KEPT AS A CHILD?

HOW DID KEEPING THAT SECRET SHAPE YOU?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

DID YOUR PARENT/S OPENLY DISCUSS STRESSES OR COMPLAIN

(RELATIONSHIP, FINANCIAL, FAMILY)? WHAT DO YOU REMEMBER THEM
TALKING ABOUT IN FRONT OF YOU?

DID THIS WAY OF THINKING RUB OFF ON YOU? EXPLAIN WHY/ WHY NOT.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

WHAT WAS YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO YOUR MOTHER/MOTHER FIGURE

LIKE? HOW WOULD YOU HAVE EXPLAINED HER AS A CHILD? WRITE
ABOUT HER FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD PERSPECTIVE.

HOW WOULD YOU EXPLAIN HER NOW?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

WHAT WAS YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO YOUR FATHER/FATHER FIGURE LIKE?

HOW WOULD YOU HAVE EXPLAINED HIM AS A CHILD? WRITE ABOUT HIM
FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD PERSPECTIVE.

HOW WOULD YOU EXPLAIN HIM NOW?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

WERE THERE INSTANCES IN YOUR CHILDHOOD WHERE YOU WERE

PUNISHED OR SHAMED FOR SHOWING VULNERABILITY? WHAT
HAPPENED?

HOW DO YOU THINK THIS SHAPED YOU? DO YOU SEE IT AS POSITIVE OR

NEGATIVE?

CAN YOU SEE THIS REFLECTED IN YOUR ADULT BEHAVIOR? IF SO,

EXPLAIN HOW.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

HOW DID YOU SEEK COMFORT AS A CHILD? WERE YOU ENCOURAGED TO

SELF-SOOTHE, OR WAS COMFORT AVAILABLE FROM OTHERS AROUND
YOU?

WHAT COPING MECHANISMS DID YOU BUILD FROM THIS?

DO YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE REACHING OUT FOR COMFORT AS AN

ADULT?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

CAN YOU RECALL A MOMENT IN YOUR EARLY YEARS WHEN YOU FELT
COMPLETELY OVERLOOKED OR MISUNDERSTOOD? WHAT HAPPENED?

HOW DID YOU COPE WITH THIS AS A CHILD?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

IMAGINE YOU COULD TRAVEL BACK IN TIME TO YOUR CHILDHOOD FOR ONE
DAY. WRITE ABOUT WHAT YOU WOULD DO, WHO YOU WOULD SEE, AND
WHAT YOU WOULD SAY TO THEM.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

WHAT WERE YOU TAUGHT ABOUT LOVE GROWING UP?

HOW DO YOU THINK YOUR PARENT/S OPINIONS HAVE AFFECTED YOU?

DO YOU CARRY THIS WITH YOU AS AN ADULT?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

HOW DID YOU FEEL YOUR PARENT/S PERCEIVED YOU AS A CHILD? WHAT
WAS THEIR BELIEF ABOUT WHO YOU WERE AND HOW DID THEY SPEAK
ABOUT YOU?

HOW DO YOU FEEL THIS IMPACTED YOUR SELF PERCEPTION AS A CHILD?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

DRAW A MAP OF YOUR CHILDHOOD NEIGHBOURHOOD. LABEL THE PLACES

THAT WERE IMPORTANT TO YOU AND WRITE A DESCRIPTION OF WHAT THEY
MEANT TO YOU ON THE NEXT PAGE.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

WHAT DID THESE PLACES MEAN TO YOU?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

DID YOUR SIBLING/S EVER BULLY OR BELITTLE YOU AS A CHILD? IF SO,

WHAT DID THEY DO OR SAY?

DO YOU HOLD ONTO ANY RESENTMENT FOR THIS?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

DRAW SOMETHING THAT YOUR CHILDHOOD SELF USED TO DRAW.

EVEN IF YOU’RE TERRIBLE AT IT, GET CREATIVE AND HAVE A LITTLE
FUN.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

THINK BACK TO YOUR FIRST LOVE INTERESTS. WERE YOU EVER REJECTED?
WHAT HAPPENED?

HOW DID THIS MAKE YOU FEEL? DID IT CHANGE YOU?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

DID YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE AND ACCEPTED IN FRIEND GROUPS AT SCHOOL?

WHAT WAS YOUR PERSONALITY LIKE? EXPLAIN.

HOW DO YOU THINK YOUR CHILDHOOD FRIENDSHIPS IMPACTED YOUR

PERSONALITY?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

CAN YOU REMEMBER A TIME IN YOUR CHILDHOOD WHEN YOUR

ATTEMPTS TO CONNECT WITH OTHERS WERE REBUFFED OR DISMISSED?
WHAT HAPPENED?

HOW DID IT MAKE YOU FEEL, HOW DID YOU REACT?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

DID YOU HAVE A PARENT WITH MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES? IF SO, HOW DO YOU
THINK IT AFFECTED YOU AS A CHILD?

HOW DID THEIR REACTIONS AFFECT YOU?

CAN YOU RECONIZE ANY OF THEIR PATTERNS IN YOU? IF SO, WHAT?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

WERE THERE INSTANCES GROWING UP WHEN YOU FELT THAT YOUR

PERSONAL BOUNDARIES WERE IGNORED OR NOT RESPECTED? WHAT
HAPPENED?

DOES THIS STILL TRIGGER YOU TODAY?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

ARE THERE ANY DEEP SEATED BELIEFS OR ASSUMPTIONS THAT YOU HAVE
ABOUT LOVE? WHAT ARE THEY?

CAN YOU PINPOINT WHERE THESE BELIEFS STARTED?

DO YOU THINK THESE BELIEFS ARE HEALTHY? IF SO WHY, IF NOT HOW

CAN YOU MAKE CHANGES?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

CONSIDER A CHILDHOOD RELATIONSHIP THAT FELT SAFE AND NURTURING.

WHAT SET THAT RELATIONSHIP APART? WHO WAS IT?

WHY DID THEY MAKE YOU FEEL SAFE?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

REFLECT ON A MOMENT FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD WHEN YOU FELT

OVERWHELMED BY ANOTHER PERSON'S EMOTIONS. WHAT HAPPENED?

HOW DID YOU HANDLE IT THEN, AND HOW WOULD YOU HANDLE IT
NOW?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

IF YOUR CHILDHOOD SELF COULD EXPLAIN HOW THEY FELT ABOUT YOUR
SIBLING/S, WHAT WOULD THEY SAY? WRITE IT IN THEIR TONE OF VOICE.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THEM NOW? ARE YOU CLOSE? DO YOU WISH YOU
WERE CLOSER?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

WHAT WERE SOME UNSPOKEN RULES IN YOUR HOUSEHOLD GROWING

UP?

HOW HAVE THESE RULES INFLUENCED YOUR ADULT RELATIONSHIPS?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

HOW WAS AFFECTION SHOWN IN YOUR CHILDHOOD HOME? WERE YOUR

PARENT/S AFFECTIONATE TOWARD EACH OTHER OR YOU?

DO YOU SHOW AFFECTION IN THE SAME WAY THAT YOUR PARENT/S

DID?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

IMAGINE MEETING YOUR 8 YEAR OLD SELF. PICTURE IT VIVIDLY. WHERE WOULD
YOU MEET, WHAT WOULD YOU WARN THEM AGAINST, WHAT ADVICE WOULD
YOU GIVE THEM? WRITE IT OUT AS IF YOU WERE SPEAKING TO THEM.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

WRITE A LETTER TO YOUR MOTHER/MOTHER FIGURE ABOUT YOUR

CHILDHOOD, WHAT DO YOU WANT THEM TO KNOW ABOUT HOW YOU FELT?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

WRITE A LETTER TO YOUR FATHER/FATHER FIGURE ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD,

WHAT DO YOU WANT THEM TO KNOW ABOUT HOW YOU FELT AS A CHILD?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION

IF YOUR CHILDHOOD SELF COULD SEE YOU NOW, WHAT WOULD THEY THINK?
WOULD THEY BE SURPRISED AT WHO YOU HAVE BECOME?

WHAT WOULD YOUR CHILDHOOD SELF WANT FOR YOU? WRITE IN THEIR TONE
OF VOICE.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

DO YOU STRUGGLE TO RECEIVE LOVE? WHY IS IT HARD FOR YOU TO

ACCEPT? EXPLAIN.

WHAT DO YOU FEEL MADE YOU THIS WAY?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

WHAT IS YOUR VIEW ON LOVE IN GENERAL? DO YOU BELIEVE IN IT?

CAN YOU THINK OF SOMEONE'S RELATIONSHIP THAT YOU WISH YOU

COULD EMULATE? WHAT ABOUT THEM DO YOU ADMIRE?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

CAN YOU THINK OF A TIME WHEN YOU FELT SOMEONE WAS BECOMING
TOO DEPENDENT ON YOU? WHO WAS IT? WHAT DID THEY DO?

HOW DID YOU REACT?

WAS THIS A VALID REACTION?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

DESCRIBE A MOMENT WHEN YOU OPENED UP AND FELT GOOD. GO INTO
DETAIL, WHO DID YOU OPEN UP TO, WHAT DID YOU SAY? HOW DID
THEY RESPOND?

WHY DID IT FEEL GOOD?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 10, HOW COMFORTABLE DO YOU FEEL WHEN

YOU'RE ALONE? HOW ABOUT WHEN YOU'RE IN A GROUP?

ALONE

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

IN A GROUP

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

IS THERE A DIFFERENCE? IF SO, WHY?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

DO YOU UNINTENTIONALLY DISMISS OR INVALIDATE THE EMOTIONS AND

NEEDS OF OTHERS? WRITE ABOUT A SPECIFIC TIME YOU DID THIS, EITHER
INTENTIONALLY OR UNINTENTIONALLY.

WHY DO YOU THINK YOU DO THIS?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

DO YOU ASK FOR HELP? IF NOT, WHY DO YOU FIND IT SO HARD?

DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU’LL OWE THEM SOMETHING, THAT ASKING FOR
HELP IS WEAK OR A BURDEN? WHY?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

WHAT GOES THROUGH YOUR HEAD ABOUT SOMEONE ON A FIRST DATE?
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO ASSESS? EXPLAIN IN DETAIL - WHAT HAPPENS
IN YOUR MIND BEFORE, DURING AND AFTER THE DATE?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

DESCRIBE A TIME THAT YOU AVOIDED OR SABOTAGED OPPORTUNITIES

FOR DEEP CONNECTION AND INTIMACY. TELL THE STORY.

WHAT WAS THE REASONING FOR YOUR BEHAVIOR?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

HOW DO YOU USUALLY RESPOND TO COMPLIMENTS? DOES IT MAKE YOU

UNCOMFORTABLE?

WHY DO YOU THINK YOU FIND IT HARD TO ACCEPT COMPLIMENTS?

IS YOUR REASONING VALID?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

IS THERE AN EMOTION YOU OFTEN AVOID CONFRONTING? WHAT IS IT?

WHAT MAKES IT SO DIFFICULT? DO YOU ASSOCIATE IT WITH WEAKNESS?

IF SO, WHY?

CAN YOU SEE VALUE IN EMBRACING THIS EMOTION?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

WHEN’S THE LAST TIME YOU SELF SABOTAGED? TELL THE STORY

WHY DID YOU DO IT?

WHAT WOULD YOU DO DIFFERENTLY NOW?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

DO YOU STRUGGLE TO TRUST? WHY? WHAT DO YOU FEAR?

HOW CAN YOU LOWER THESE WALLS FOR SOMEONE THAT DESERVES
YOUR TRUST?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

DRAW LINES OUT FROM ”MY CIRCLE” OF EVERY PERSON IN YOUR LIFE THAT
YOU TRUST RIGHT NOW.

My Circle
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

WHY DO YOU TRUST THESE PEOPLE? WHO DIDN’T MAKE THE CUT AND WHY?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

WHAT DO YOU LOVE ABOUT YOUR INDEPENDENCE? WRITE ABOUT IT IN

DETAIL.

WHAT DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU MIGHT LOSE IF YOU COMMIT TO SOMEONE?
WHY?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

WHAT’S YOUR MOST TOXIC TRAIT? EXPLAIN IN DETAIL.

HOW WOULD YOU JUDGE SOMEONE ELSE WHO DOES THE SAME THING?
BE HONEST.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

WHAT’S THE WORST THING YOU’VE DONE TO SOMEONE IN A

RELATIONSHIP?

WHAT WOULD YOUR HONEST REACTION HAVE BEEN IF SOMONE DID THAT
TO YOU?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

WHO’S SOMEONE YOU REALLY LIKED BUT PURPOSELY PUSHED AWAY?

TELL THE STORY OF WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH YOUR HEAD.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

DO YOU PUT ON A PERSONA WHEN INTERACTING WITH OTHERS TO KEEP

THEM AT A DISTANCE? WHO DO YOU BECOME AND WHAT DO YOU
HIDE?

HOW DOES THIS PERSONA SERVE YOU? HOW DOES IT HINDER YOU?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

CAN YOU RECALL A TIME WHEN YOU PREFERRED TO SOLVE A PROBLEM

BY YOURSELF, EVEN WHEN OTHERS OFFERED HELP? WHAT LED YOU TO
THAT CHOICE?

HOW DOES ACCOMPLISHING THINGS ALONE MAKE YOU FEEL?

HOW DOES ACCOMPLISHING THINGS WITH SOMEONE ELSE MAKE YOU

FEEL?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

WHEN YOU FEEL STRESSED, DO YOU TEND TO ISOLATE OR ENGAGE WITH

DISTRACTIONS? WHAT FORMS DO THESE DISTRACTIONS USUALLY TAKE?

WHAT IS YOUR MOST TOXIC DISTRACTION AND WHY DO YOU TURN TO

IT?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING THAT YOU WOULD CONSIDER AN ADDICTION?

IF SO WHAT IS IT?

WHAT TRIGGERS YOU TO ENGAGE IN IT?

HOW DO YOU THINK THIS COPING MECHANISM SERVES YOU?

WHAT FEELINGS, FEARS OR INSECURITIES DO YOU THINK YOU’RE

MASKING?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

HOW OFTEN DO YOU MAKE DECISIONS BASED PURELY ON LOGIC,

IGNORING YOUR EMOTIONAL RESPONSE?

WHAT'S THE REASONING BEHIND THIS APPROACH?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

HAVE YOU EVER AVOIDED MAKING PLANS FOR THE FUTURE? WHAT
HAPPENS INSIDE OF YOUR HEAD WHEN YOU THINK TOO FAR FORWARD?

DOES THIS ONLY APPLY IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS OR DOES THIS

AFFECT EVERYTHING YOU DO?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

DO YOU FIND IT HARD TO EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS, EVEN IN A JOURNAL

OR TO A CLOSE FRIEND? WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU’RE PUT ON THE
SPOT?

WHAT DO YOU FEAR COULD HAPPEN IF YOU EXPRESS YOURSELF

OPENLY?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

HAVE YOU EVER FELT UNCOMFORTABLE RECEIVING AFFECTION? IF SO,

WHY DO YOU THINK YOU REACT THIS WAY?

WHAT DOES RECEIVING AFFECTION AND PRAISE MEAN TO YOU?

WHAT DO YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU EMBRACED IT?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

DO YOU TEND TO KEEP YOUR PERSONAL LIFE AND FEELINGS PRIVATE,

EVEN FROM THOSE CLOSE TO YOU? WHY DO YOU THINK THIS IS?

WHO IS SOMEONE THAT YOU HAVE COMFORTABLY OPENED UP TO? WHY

DID YOU CHOOSE THEM?

HOW DOES OPENING UP TO THIS PERSON MAKE YOU FEEL?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

DO YOU USE SARCASM OR HUMOR AS A DEFENSE MECHANISM TO

AVOID VULNERABILITY? DOES IT WORK?

HAS ANYONE EVER CALLED YOU OUT ON THIS? IF SO, WHAT DID THEY
SAY?

WHY DO YOU THINK YOU DO IT?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

WHEN YOU MEET SOMEONE NEW, HOW DO YOU THINK THEY PERCEIVE
YOU? DESCRIBE YOU FROM THEIR PERSPECTIVE IN DETAIL.

WHY DO YOU THINK THIS? DO YOU THINK OTHERS WOULD VALIDATE

YOUR OPINION?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME THAT YOU TRULY STRUGGLED? WHAT WAS
HAPPENING IN YOUR LIFE? DESCRIBE IT IN DETAIL.

DID YOU TURN TO ANYONE OR DID YOU ISOLATE? WHY? HOW DID THAT
MAKES YOU FEEL?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

WHAT’S THE ANGRIEST YOU’VE EVER BEEN? WHAT HAPPENED? HOW DID
YOU REACT?

WAS YOUR REACTION VALID?

WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY NOW?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ASSESSING CURRENT PATTERNS

DO YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE HAVING DEEP CONVERSATIONS ABOUT

YOURSELF? WHEN IT'S TIME TO TALK ABOUT YOU DO YOU OPEN UP?
WHY?

WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID THAT PEOPLE WILL SEE OR BELIEVE ABOUT YOU?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

EMBRACING VULNERABILITY

DID YOU EVER SEE YOUR FATHER/FATHER FIGURE EMBRACE

VULNERABILITY GROWING UP? HOW DID HE PERCEIVE IT? HOW DID HE
HOLD HIMSELF?

DO YOU THINK YOU PICKED UP SOME OF HIS HABITS? IF SO WHICH

ONES?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

EMBRACING VULNERABILITY

CAN YOU REMEMBER A TIME THAT YOUR FATHER/FATHER FIGURE TAUGHT

YOU ABOUT WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A MAN/WOMAN? WHAT DID HE
SAY?

HOW DO YOU THINK HE HAS INFLUENCED THE WAY YOU LOVE?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

EMBRACING VULNERABILITY

DID YOUR FATHER/FATHER FIGURE RESPECT WOMEN? HOW DID HE SPEAK

ABOUT WOMEN IN FRONT OF YOU AS A CHILD?

HOW DO YOU THINK HE HAS INFLUENCED THE WAY YOU PERCEIVE

WOMEN AS AN ADULT?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

EMBRACING VULNERABILITY

DID YOUR FATHER/FATHER FIGURE RESPECT MEN? HOW DID HE SPEAK

ABOUT MEN IN FRONT OF YOU AS A CHILD?

HOW DO YOU THINK HE HAS INFLUENCED THE WAY YOU PERCEIVE MEN
AS AN ADULT?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

EMBRACING VULNERABILITY

DID YOU EVER SEE YOUR MOTHER/MOTHER FIGURE EMBRACE

VULNERABILITY? HOW DID SHE PERCEIVE IT? HOW DID SHE HOLD
HERSELF?

DO YOU THINK YOU PICKED UP SOME OF HER HABITS? IF SO WHICH

ONES?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

EMBRACING VULNERABILITY

CAN YOU REMEMBER A TIME THAT YOUR MOTHER/MOTHER FIGURE

TAUGHT YOU ABOUT WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A MAN/WOMAN? WHAT DID
SHE SAY?

HOW DO YOU THINK SHE HAS INFLUENCED THE WAY YOU LOVE?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

EMBRACING VULNERABILITY

DID YOUR MOTHER/MOTHER FIGURE RESPECT MEN? HOW DID SHE SPEAK
ABOUT MEN IN FRONT OF YOU AS A CHILD?

HOW DO YOU THINK SHE HAS INFLUENCED THE WAY YOU PERCEIVE MEN
AS AN ADULT?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

EMBRACING VULNERABILITY

DID YOUR MOTHER/MOTHER FIGURE RESPECT WOMEN? HOW DID SHE

SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN IN FRONT OF YOU AS A CHILD?

HOW DO YOU THINK SHE HAS INFLUENCED THE WAY YOU PERCEIVE
WOMEN AS AN ADULT?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

EMBRACING VULNERABILITY

WHAT DOES VULNERABILITY MEAN TO YOU? IS IT A STRENGTH OR A

WEAKNESS?

WHY DO YOU SEE IT THAT WAY?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

EMBRACING VULNERABILITY

DO YOU FEEL ANY GUILT OR SHAME ASKING FOR HELP?

WHY DO YOU THINK YOU FIND IT SO HARD?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

EMBRACING VULNERABILITY

WHAT'S SOMETHING YOU WISH YOU SAID TO SOMEONE THAT YOU

HAVEN’T YET? WRITE IT DOWN.

WHY HAVEN’T YOU SAID IT?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

EMBRACING VULNERABILITY

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? WHAT HAPPENED? EXPLAIN IN
DETAIL.

DID IT FEEL CATHARTIC OR DID YOU FEEL SHAME AFTERWARD? WHY?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

EMBRACING VULNERABILITY

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED IN FRONT OF SOMEONE? WHAT
HAPPENED?

HOW DID THAT MAKE YOU FEEL? DID YOU FEEL SUPPORTED OR REGRET
IT?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

EMBRACING VULNERABILITY

THINK OF A TIME WHEN YOUR VULNERABILITIES WERE EXPOSED WITHOUT

YOUR CONSENT. WHAT HAPPENED?

HOW DID YOU REACT, HOW DID THAT MAKE YOU FEEL?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

EMBRACING VULNERABILITY

WRITE DOWN ALL OF THE THINGS THAT ANNOY YOU ABOUT YOURSELF.

DO YOU NEED TO MAKE SOME CHANGES OR ARE YOU BEING TOO HARD
ON YOURSELF?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

EMBRACING VULNERABILITY

WHAT IS THE BIGGEST LIE YOU TELL ABOUT YOURSELF TO YOUR CLOSEST
FRIENDS?

WHAT TRUTH ARE YOU TRYING TO AVOID?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

EMBRACING VULNERABILITY

WHO ARE YOU JEALOUS OR ENVIOUS OF? WHY DO YOU FEEL THIS WAY
ABOUT THEM?

WHAT MAKES THEIR LIFE SO DESIRABLE FOR YOU?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

EMBRACING VULNERABILITY

DO YOU BELIEVE YOU NEED TO BE STRONG ALL THE TIME? WHAT DOES
STRENGTH MEAN TO YOU?

WHAT WAS A TIME THAT BEING STRONG MADE YOU FEEL GOOD?

WHAT WAS A TIME THAT BEING STRONG FELT ISOLATING?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

EMBRACING VULNERABILITY

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO SHARE WITH SOMEONE ABOUT YOU , BUT
HAVEN'T BECAUSE IT FEELS TOO VULNERABLE? WRITE IT ALL DOWN.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

EMBRACING VULNERABILITY

HAVE YOU EVER WITHHELD YOUR FEELINGS TO MAINTAIN AN IMAGE OF

BEING 'UNFAZED' OR 'TOUGH'? EXPLAIN A TIME WHEN YOU DID THIS.

HOW DID YOU REALLY FEEL?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

EMBRACING VULNERABILITY

WHO'S SOMEONE THAT YOU COULD OPEN UP TO MORE? WHY DO YOU

WANT TO? WHY ARE THEY IMPORTANT TO YOU?

HOW CAN YOU TAKE STEPS TO OPEN UP TO THAT PERSON? WHAT DO

YOU WANT TO TELL THEM?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

EMBRACING VULNERABILITY
WHAT'S THE MOST VULNERABLE THING YOU'RE WILLING TO SHARE
WITH YOURSELF RIGHT NOW? DIG A LITTLE DEEPER. DON'T HOLD
BACK.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

EMBRACING VULNERABILITY

WHAT'S SOMETHING YOU WANT TO SAY TO YOUR FATHER/FATHER

FIGURE AS THE PERSON YOU ARE NOW. WRITE IT OUT, DON’T HOLD
BACK.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

EMBRACING VULNERABILITY

WHAT'S SOMETHING YOU WANT TO SAY TO YOUR MOTHER/MOTHER

FIGURE AS THE PERSON YOU ARE NOW. WRITE IT OUT, DON’T HOLD
BACK.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

EMBRACING VULNERABILITY

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR CLOSEST FRIEND THINKS ABOUT YOU? HOW
WOULD THEY DESCRIBE YOU?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

EMBRACING VULNERABILITY

WHAT ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED OF THAT YOU HAVEN'T EVER

SHARED WITH ANYONE?

WHAT’S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN IF YOU DID?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

EMBRACING VULNERABILITY

WHAT'S SOMETHING YOU REALLY NEED TO CONSCIOUSLY GET OVER?

HOW CAN YOU FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR HOLDING ONTO THIS FOR TOO
LONG?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

EMBRACING VULNERABILITY

WHAT ARE THE INSECURITIES THAT KEEP YOU AWAKE AT NIGHT? WRITE
THEM DOWN. ALL OF THEM.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

EMBRACING VULNERABILITY

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT YOU? IF YOU'RE BEING 100% REAL WITH
YOURSELF HOW DO YOU PERCEIVE YOU?

READ THAT BACK. IS IT ENTIRELY VALID?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PUSHED SOMEONE AWAY BECAUSE THEY
WERE GETTING EMOTIONALLY CLOSE? WHO WAS IT AND WHY DID YOU
DO OIT?

WHAT WAS YOUR INTERNAL NARRATIVE TELLING YOU DURING THIS TIME?
WRITE IT ALL OUT.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

HOW COMFORTABLE ARE YOU WITH EXPRESSING AFFECTION IN YOUR

RELATIONSHIPS? EXPLAIN.

WHERE DO YOU THINK THIS COMFORT/DISCOMFORT COMES FROM?

DO YOU THINK THERE’S VALUE IN AFFECTION?

HOW CAN YOU TRY TO EMBRACE IT?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

HAVE YOU EVER AVOIDED DISCUSSING YOUR FEELINGS WITH A PARTNER

OUT OF FEAR OF REJECTION OR MISUNDERSTANDING?

HOW DID THAT IMPACT YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

CAN YOU IDENTIFY A BEHAVIOR YOU EXHIBIT IN RELATIONSHIPS THAT

YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND? WHAT DO YOU DO?

CAN YOU CONNECT IT BACK TO YOUR CHILDHOOD?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

DO YOU HAVE BOUNDARIES IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS THAT ARE NON-

NEGOTIABLE? WHAT ARE THEY?

WHY ARE THEY IMPORTANT TO YOU?

DO YOU THINK THEY’RE REASONABLE? WHY?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU HAVE DONE IN A PAST RELATIONSHIP THAT

YOU KNEW WAS WRONG?

HOW DID YOUR PARTNER RESPOND? WHAT WAS THE RESULT?

WHAT WOULD YOU DO DIFFERENTLY NOW?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

HAVE YOU EVER FELT ABANDONED OR HEARTBROKEN IN A

RELATIONSHIP? WHO WAS THE PERSON & HOW DID IT END?

HOW DID THIS AFFECT YOUR ABILITY TO TRUST AND FORM NEW
RELATIONSHIPS?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

DO YOU THINK YOU’VE EVER ACTUALLY BEEN IN LOVE? IF SO, WITH WHO
AND HOW DID IT FEEL? IF NOT, WHY NOT?

WHAT DOES BEING IN LOVE LOOK LIKE TO YOU?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

DO YOU FIND IT DIFFICULT TO EXPRESS YOUR NEEDS? WHY/WHY NOT?

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU EXPRESSED A NEED TO SOMEONE? HOW
DID THEY RESPOND?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

WHAT WAS YOUR GREATEST HEARTBREAK? WHY DO YOU THINK THIS

ONE HIT SO HARD?

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS PERSON NOW?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

DESCRIBE THE QUALITIES AND BEHAVIORS YOU SEEK IN A PARTNER TO

HELP YOU FEEL SUPPORTED. LIST EVERYTHING THAT YOU NEED FROM A
PERFECT PARTNER.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

DO YOU THINK BEING IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP MEANS YOU

HAVE TO SACRIFICE YOUR INDEPENDENCE OR FREEDOM? WHY?

DO YOU THINK YOU’LL EVER FIND SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T MAKE YOU
FEEL THIS WAY?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

WHAT WAS THE BIGGEST RELATIONSHIP DRAMA THAT YOU HAD? DID YOU
LIKE IT? DID YOU PURSUE THE DRAMA FURTHER? OR DID YOU HATE IT AND
RUN FROM IT? EXPLAIN THE STORY IN DETAIL.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

THINKING BACK TO YOUR GREATEST HEARTBREAK, WHAT COULD YOU

HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY IN THAT RELATIONSHIP?

WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU REGRET DOING?

WERE THEY GOOD FOR YOU? WHY/ WHY NOT?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

WHAT SACRIFICES DID YOU MAKE IN YOUR MOST SIGNIFICANT

RELATIONSHIP?

DID YOU FEEL APPRECIATED?

HOW DID THIS RELATIONSHIP SHAPE THE WAY YOU SEE YOUR FUTURE
RELATIONSHIPS?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

WHAT KIND OF BEHAVIOR DO YOU EXHIBIT WHEN YOU FEEL THREATENED

OR OVERWHELMED IN A RELATIONSHIP?

HAS THIS SERVED YOU OR HURT YOU? OR BOTH? EXPLAIN.

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

DO YOU FEEL SHAMEFUL ABOUT ANY OF YOUR PAST EXES? IF SO,

WHO?

WHAT ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP DO YOU FEEL SHAME ABOUT?

HOW CAN YOU LET GO OF THIS?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

WRITE DOWN EVERYTHING YOU LOVED AND EVERYTHING YOU HATED

ABOUT YOUR EX. DON'T BE SHY.

LOVED

HATED
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CHEATED ON OR TREATED POORLY IN A

RELATIONSHIP? IF SO, WHAT HAPPENED?

WHY DO YOU THINK THIS HAPPENED? HOW DID IT CHANGE THE WAY YOU
VIEW RELATIONSHIPS?

DO YOU THINK THIS STILL AFFECTS YOU? HOW CAN YOU LET GO?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

IS THERE AN EX YOU STILL THINK ABOUT? IF SO WHO ARE THEY AND

WHY DO YOU STILL THINK ABOUT THEM?

DO YOU THINK YOU ROMANTICIZE THIS PERSON?

WERE THEY ACTUALLY GOOD FOR YOU? WHY/WHY NOT?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

WRITE A LETTER TO AN EX THAT MEANT A LOT TO YOU. LET EVERYTHING

YOU NEED TO OUT.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

HAS A PAST LOVE INTEREST EVER MADE YOU FEEL INSECURE ABOUT
THEIR COMMITMENT TO YOU?

DID YOU LOSE YOUR TRUST FOR THEM? HOW DO YOU THINK THIS
IMPACTS YOU STILL?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

DO YOU USE CASUAL SEX AS A DISTRACTION? WHEN WAS THE LAST

TIME YOU DID THIS?

HOW DO YOU FEEL IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE SEX?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

WHAT'S ONE THING YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO TRY IN THE

BEDROOM THAT YOU HAVEN’T YET? WRITE ABOUT IT IN DETAIL.

WHY HAVEN’T YOU TRIED IT?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

DO YOU ENJOY HOOK UP CULTURE? WHAT IS IT ABOUT THIS TYPE OF

SEXUAL GRATIFICATION THAT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD?

DO YOU EVER FEEL SHAME OR REGRET ABOUT THIS?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

HOW DOES CASUAL SEX SERVE YOU? EXPLAIN WHAT IT DOES FOR
YOU.

HOW DOES SEX WITH AN EMOTIONAL CONNECTION DIFFER?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

ARE YOU MORE LIKELY TO PICK SEXUAL PARTNERS WHERE THERE'S
LITTLE RISK OF CATCHING FEELINGS? DIVE INTO THAT. WHO WAS THE
LAST PERSON YOU HAD THIS TYPE OF ARRANGEMENT WITH?

HOW DID THEY MAKE YOU FEEL? WAS IT FULFILLING?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

DO YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE RIGHT NOW? WHO IS IT?

WHAT DO YOU LOVE ABOUT THEM?

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE AROUND THEM, TO TALK TO THEM?

WHY HAVEN’T YOU TOLD THEM?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

WHO IS SOMEONE YOU HAD AN INTENSE SEXUAL CONNECTION WITH? WAS

THE EMOTIONAL CONNECTION THERE TOO? HOW DID THIS RELATIONSHIP
PLAY OUT? EXPLAIN.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

DO YOU HAVE ANY KINKS THAT MAY SERVE AS A BUFFER TO DEEPER

EMOTIONAL CONNECTION. WHAT ARE THEY? EXPLAIN IN DETAIL.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

DESCRIBE YOUR BEST SEXUAL EXPERIENCE IN DETAIL. WHO WAS IT

WITH, WHERE WERE YOU, WHAT DID YOU DO, HOW DID IT FEEL?
WRITE THE STORY.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

AFTER SEX DO EMOTIONAL DISPLAYS LIKE CUDDLING, KISSING AND

AFFECTION MAKE YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE? WHY/WHY NOT?

DOES IT DEPEND ON WHO YOU’RE WITH? WHEN WAS A TIME THIS

FELT NATURAL AND COMFORTING?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

ARE THERE SEXUAL ACTS YOU AVOID BECAUSE THEY FEEL TOO
INTIMATE OR REVEALING EMOTIONALLY? WHAT ARE THEY?

WHEN YOU HAVE PARTICIPATED IN THESE ACTS HOW DID YOU FEEL?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

HOW DO YOU HANDLE DISAGREEMENTS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS? DO

YOU CONFRONT THEM OR AVOID THEM? WHY?

WHEN WAS A TIME YOU REGRETTED YOUR REACTION?

WHAT WOULD YOU DO DIFFERENTLY NOW?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

DOES THE THOUGHT OF COMMITTING TO A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP

SCARE YOU? IF SO, WHY?

DO YOU THINK YOU’LL EVER MEET SOMEONE WHO BALANCES YOU

OUT AND DOESN’T TAKE AWAY FROM YOUR INDEPENDENCE?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

CAN YOU IDENTIFY ANY REPEATED PATTERNS IN YOUR PAST

RELATIONSHIPS? WHAT ARE THEY? GIVE EXAMPLES.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

HOW WOULD YOU REACT IF A PARTNER ASKED YOU TO OPEN UP

MORE EMOTIONALLY OR TO BE MORE PHYSICALLY AFFECTIONATE?

WHAT DO YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU ACTUALLY TRIED IT?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

IS THERE A SOMEONE IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW THAT YOU THINK OF

ALL OF THE TIME BUT PURPOSELY PUSH AWAY? WHO ARE THEY? HOW
DO THEY MAKE YOU FEEL? HONESTLY.

WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF IN THIS SITUATION?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

DESCRIBE MOMENTS OF DEEP LONELINESS. WHAT HAPPENS INSIDE YOUR

HEAD? HOW DO YOU COPE? WRITE OUT WHAT YOU DO.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

DESCRIBE THE WAYS YOU MAY INTELLECTUALIZE TO AVOID ENGAGING

WITH YOUR EMOTIONS.

DO YOU TEND TO TALK YOURSELF OUT OF LIKING SOMEONE? HOW DO

YOU DO IT?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

DO YOU LIE ABOUT YOURSELF TO OTHERS? WHAT IS THE LIE YOU TELL?

WHAT FEARS DO YOU HAVE AROUND BEING TRULY SEEN AND KNOWN
BY OTHERS?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

HOW DO YOU USE DATING APPS? ARE YOU LOOKING FOR SOMETHING
SERIOUS OR CASUAL? WHY?

DO YOU THINK YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO DATING IS HEALTHY? DOES THE

WAY YOU DATE FULLFILL YOU?

WHO HAS BEEN THE MOST MEMORABLE CONNECTION FROM THE APPS?
WHAT HAPPENED WITH THAT PERSON?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

RELATIONSHIPS, SEX & INTIMACY

WRITE A FORGIVENESS LETTER TO YOURSELF FOR ANY PAST MISTAKES OR

REGRETS IN RELATIONSHIPS. BE AS HONEST AS YOU CAN.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

The Importance of Visualization

Congrats on making it this far!

You've done a whole lot of work, maybe got a little teary-eyed and figured some things out
about yourself that you didn't even realize.

Now we start getting to the fun stuff.

Who do you WANT to become? What does your the best version of you look like? And
why does visualization matter?

We've already learnt some cool stuff about the subconscious mind and now we'll take it a
step further.

A significant part of the subconscious mind's power lies in the Reticular Activating System
(RAS).

Your RAS is a network of neurons located in the brainstem that plays a critical role in
controlling wakefulness and focus.

You don't realize it but your brain is taking in a TON of information everyday.

Your brain can't possibly store all of this information.

So, your RAS acts as a filter, deciding what information should be given attention and
what to overlook.

When you visualize a desired future, your RAS becomes attuned to opportunities,
information, and experiences aligned with that future.

Just like that weird feeling when you learn a new word and then all of a sudden you start
hearing it everywhere, your RAS will tune into what you have laid out for your future plans
and show you messaging to encourage action.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

The Importance of Visualization

Before you start envisioning your future in the next set of prompts, we want to give you
some pointers for visualization.

Remember that:

1. Thoughts are the language of the brain:

Our brains respond to our thoughts and beliefs, whether they're about our current
reality or an imagined future. Your thoughts and beliefs become your reality.

2. Feelings are the language of the body:

Our body responds to our feelings, which are often the product of our thoughts. If
we can feel the emotions of our desired future now, our body can be 'tricked' into
thinking that future is already our reality, resulting in more positive thoughts and
telling your brain’s RAS to focus on positive outcomes.

3. The alignment of thoughts and feelings creates a state of being:

When our thoughts (brain) and feelings (body) align, we enter a state of being. This
state can influence our actions, choices, and experiences, which ultimately shapes
our reality.

4. Mental rehearsal is key:

Just as athletes mentally rehearse their performances, we can mentally rehearse our
desired future. This process, done regularly, can build neural pathways in our brain
that supports that future.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

How to Visualize
Here’s how to apply these teachings through visualization while doing shadow work:

1. Create a Clear Mental Picture:

Define what your future looks like in detail. What are you doing? Who are you
with? How do you feel?

2. Feel the Future Now:

Engage your emotions as you visualize. Feel the joy, excitement, love, or peace of
your future now. This convinces your body that this future is happening now.

3. Mental Rehearsal:

Regularly visualize your future, immersing yourself in the feelings it brings. This
practice, done over time, reinforces the neural pathways that align with this future.

4. Let Go:

Detach from the outcome and trust the process. Don't stress about how or when
your desired future will manifest. Your job is to create it mentally and emotionally,
and then let it unfold naturally.

5. Take Aligned Action:

Visualization isn't a replacement for action; it's a catalyst. Inspired ideas or

opportunities may come to you – act on them. They're part of the path to your
visualized future.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

REMEMBER THE WEB OF BELIEFS YOU DREW AT THE START OF YOUR JOURNEY?
HAVE YOUR BELIEFS ABOUT YOURSELF CHANGED? WHAT ARE THEY NOW?

My Beliefs
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

REMEMBER RATING YOUR TRIGGERS EARLIER IN THE JOURNAL? GO BACK TO

THAT PAGE AND CONSIDER WHICH OF THE LIST STILL TRIGGER YOU. IS THERE
ANYTHING ELSE YOU NEED TO WORK ON?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

HAVE YOU BEEN PRACTICING REDIRECTING THOSE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS? IF

SO, DO YOU NOTICE ANY CHANGES? WHAT ARE THEY? IF NOT, NAUGHTY.

WHAT THOUGHTS HAVE YOU CAUGHT THIS WEEK? WHAT’S BEEN ON YOUR
MIND?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

HOW HAS YOUR PERSPECTIVE ON YOUR PAST TRAUMAS CHANGED?

WHAT ARE SOME THINGS YOU’RE ACTIVELY TRYING TO CHANGE?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

SET A DAILY REMINDER ON YOUR PHONE THAT SAYS “CATCH YOUR

THOUGHTS”. SET AN ALARM FOR ONE WEEK FROM NOW. WRITE ABOUT
WHAT THOUGHTS YOU STOPPED THIS WEEK.

HOW DID NOTICING THESE THOUGHTS CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

HOW HAS BEING ABLE TO NOTICE YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS THOUGHTS FELT? DO

YOU NOTICE IT MORE NOW? WHAT TECHNIQUES DO YOU HAVE TO REDIRECT
YOUR THOUGHTS?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

WHAT ARE SOME THINGS IN YOUR PRESENT THAT HAVE TO GO AND

WHAT ARE SOME THINGS THAT YOU NEED TO TRY?

THINGS THAT HAVE TO GO

THINGS I NEED TO TRY

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

CREATE A NEW PLAYLIST IN YOUR PHONE THAT REPRESENTS THE NEXT 6

MONTHS OF YOUR JOURNEY. HOW DOES THE PLAYLIST MAKE YOU FEEL?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

CHOOSE A SONG THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO ASSOCIATE WITH YOUR

FUTURE SELF. LISTEN TO IT EVERY DAY AS YOU ENVISION YOUR FUTURE.
WHY DID YOU CHOOSE THIS SONG? WHAT DOES IT REPRESENT?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

ENVISION A CONVERSATION WITH YOUR MOTHER/MOTHER FIGURE THAT

LEAVES BOTH OF YOU FEELING UNDERSTOOD AND RESPECTED. WHAT DO
YOU TELL HER?

HOW DID TALKING TO HER IN THIS MANNER FEEL?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

ENVISION A CONVERSATION WITH YOUR FATHER/FATHER FIGURE THAT

LEAVES BOTH OF YOU FEELING UNDERSTOOD AND RESPECTED. WHAT DO
YOU TELL HIM?

HOW DID TALKING TO HIM IN THIS MANNER FEEL?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

WRITE DOWN AN OLD BELIEF ABOUT YOURSELF AND HOW THAT HAS
TRANSFORMED INTO A NEW BELIEF.

OLD BELIEF

NEW BELIEF
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

VISUALIZE OVERCOMING A CURRENT CHALLENGE. WHAT IS IT? WHAT DID

YOU DO TO OVERCOME IT? HOW DOES YOUR FUTURE SELF HANDLE IT?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

RECORD A MESSAGE TO YOUR FUTURE SELF ON YOUR PHONE ABOUT
YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS. PUT AN ALARM IN YOUR PHONE TO REMIND
YOU TO LISTEN TO IT 6 MONTHS FROM NOW. WHAT DID YOU SAY?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

ENVISION THE ULTIMATE VERSION OF YOUR LIFE. WHAT HAVE YOU LET
GO OF? WHAT HAVE YOU GAINED?

LET GO OF

GAINED
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

WRITE OUT A DAY IN YOUR LIFE, IF YOU HAD EVERYTHING YOU EVER
WANTED. GO INTO EVERY DETAIL OF THE DAY.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

THINK ABOUT SOMEONE WHO RECENTLY PUT EMOTIONAL EFFORT INTO

YOUR RELATIONSHIP. HOW DID IT FEEL? WHAT DO THEY MEAN TO YOU?

HOW WILL YOU RECIPROCATE IN A MEANINGFUL WAY WITHIN THE NEXT

SEVEN DAYS?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

MAKE A LIST OF PLACES YOUR FUTURE SELF VISITS. RESEARCH THESE

PLACES, PRINT PICTURES, AND WRITE ABOUT WHY THEY ARE IMPORTANT
TO YOUR FUTURE. PLACE THEM SOMEWHERE YOU CAN LOOK AT IT
EVERYDAY.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

FIND A NEW PODCAST. TAKE A LITTLE TIME TO SEARCH AND THEN WRITE
DOWN WHY YOU CHOSE IT.

PUT A REMINDER IN YOUR PHONE TO REVISIT THIS PAGE IN 1 WEEK TO

WRITE ABOUT WHAT YOU LEARNT.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

PICTURE A TYPICAL FRIDAY NIGHT ONE YEAR FROM NOW. WHAT ARE YOU
DOING? WHO ARE YOU WITH? WHAT’S MAKING YOU SMILE?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

ENVISION YOUR FUTURE SELF'S HOME. MAKE THE VISION AS CLEAR AS

POSSIBLE. DESCRIBE IT IN AS MUCH DETAIL AS YOU CAN.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

IMAGINE MEETING SOMEONE WHO IS EXACTLY WHERE YOU WANT TO BE

IN LIFE. WHAT QUESTIONS WOULD YOU ASK THEM? WRITE A LIST OF
QUESTIONS.

NOW ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS FOR YOURSELF.

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

THINK OF A PLACE YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO VISIT. WHERE IS IT AND

WHY DO YOU WANT TO GO?

WHAT WOULD YOU NEED TO DO TO MAKE THIS TRIP A REALITY?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

IMAGINE HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH YOUR FUTURE SELF. WHAT

ADVICE WOULD THEY GIVE YOU?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

CREATE A MIND MAP OF YOUR FUTURE GOALS. PUT A CIRCLE IN THE

MIDDLE WITH YOUR NAME IN IT AND START CONNECTING TO EVERYTHING
THAT YOU WANT.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

CHOOSE A SKILL OR HABIT THAT YOUR FUTURE SELF HAS MASTERED.

WHAT IS IT? WHY DID YOU CHOOSE IT?

WHAT’S THE PLAN TO GET STARTED?

NOW, PRACTICE IT FOR 30 DAYS.

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

WHAT ARE THREE THINGS OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE THAT YOU’VE
ALWAYS WANTD TO TRY?

WRITE DOWN EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO TRY THEM.

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

DRAW PICTURES OF ALL THE THINGS THAT YOU WANT, THESE CAN BE
WORDS, SYMBOLS, IMAGES. DON'T WORRY IF YOU CAN'T DRAW JUST GET
CREATIVE FOR A FEW MINUTES.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

DRAW DRAW LINES OUT FROM “PEREFCT PERSON” OF ALL THE QUALITIES
YOU WANT IN A PARTNER.

Perfect Person
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

PICTURE YOUR PERFECT FUTURE PARTNER. WRITE DOWN A LIST OF THEIR

PHYSICAL QUALITIES AND EMOTIONAL QUALITIES.

PHYSICAL

EMOTIONAL
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

HOW DOES THIS FUTURE PARTNER:

SUPPORT YOU

LOVE YOU
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

WRITE ABOUT WHAT YOUR BIGGEST PASSIONS AND INTERESTS.

DOES YOUR PARTNER/FUTURE PARTNER NEED TO SHARE THESE INTERESTS. IF

SO, WHICH ONES?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

WHAT'S THEIR PERSONALITY LIKE? HOW DO YOU HANG OUT? WHAT DOES
IT LOOK LIKE AT HOME TOGETHER?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

HOW DOES YOUR IDEAL PARTNER TREAT YOU? EXPLAIN IN DETAIL.

HOW DO YOU SHOW YOUR IDEAL PARTNER LOVE AND SUPPORT? EXPLAIN
IN DETAIL.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

ENVISION THE HEALTHIEST VERSION OF YOUR FUTURE SELF. WHAT DO

YOU LOOK LIKE, HOW DO YOU FEEL?

WHAT STEPS CAN YOU TAKE THIS WEEK TO GET STARTED?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

VISUALIZE YOURSELF ACCOMPLISHING A MAJOR LIFE GOAL. FOCUS ON
THE FEELINGS OF SUCCESS AND ACCOMPLISHMENT. WRITE OUT THE STEPS
YOU TOOK TO ACHIEVE THIS.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

WHERE DO YOU WANT TO TRAVEL IN THE NEXT 2 YEARS? WRITE ABOUT

WHERE YOU WANT TO GO IN DETAIL AND WHAT YOU'LL DO THERE.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

CLOSE YOUR EYES AND PICTURE YOURSELF IN A PLACE THAT BRINGS YOU
PEACE. SIT IN IT FOR A MINUTE, FEEL IT ALL OVER YOUR BODY. WHAT
DOES IT FEEL LIKE? WHO’S THERE? HOW CAN YOU BRING THIS PEACE
INTO YOUR DAILY LIFE?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

ENVISION YOUR FUTURE SELF WALKING INTO A ROOM. HOW DOES THIS
PERSON LOOK, BEHAVE, AND FEEL? WRITE ABOUT IT IN VIVID DETAIL.
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

DESCRIBE YOUR IDEAL DAY FROM THE MOMENT YOU WAKE UP TO THE
MOMENT YOU GO TO SLEEP.

HOW CAN YOU START INCORPORATING ELEMENTS OF THIS DAY INTO

YOUR CURRENT LIFE?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

PICTURE YOURSELF PURSUING A PASSION OR DREAM YOU'VE HELD BACK

ON WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT'S DIFFERENT IN THIS REALITY?

WOULD YOU ACTUALLY TRY IT? WHY/WHY NOT?

 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

VISUALIZE A MOMENT IN YOUR FUTURE WHERE YOU ARE PROUD OF

YOURSELF. WHAT DID YOU DO TO EVOKE THIS PRIDE?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

CLOSE YOUR EYES AND ENVISION YOURSELF IN 5 YEARS. WHAT DO YOU
LOOK LIKE, WHO ARE YOU WITH, WHERE DO YOU LIVE, WHAT DO YOU
DO? WRITE IT OUT IN DETAIL
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

LOOK BACK AT THE PERSON YOU WERE WHEN YOU STARTED THIS
JOURNAL AND COMPARE IT WITH THE PERSON YOU ARE NOW. WHAT
HAVE YOU LEARNED?

IN WHAT WAYS HAVE YOU GROWN AND CHANGED? WHAT ARE YOU
MOST PROUD OF?
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

CREATE AN ACTION PLAN FOR THE NEXT SIX MONTHS BASED ON YOUR
VISIONS. BREAK IT DOWN INTO STEPS. START SMALL AND BUILD.
 SECTION 5

AFFIRMATIONS FOR BREAKING

AVOIDANT PATTERNS

Look at you go! The hard part is done and you've done awesome!

Now we're going to lock in all of this progress with positive affirmations.

Using positive affirmations is a powerful way to influence your subconscious mind.

Remember, you think around 90% of the same subconscious thoughts everyday.

You now have vision for the future, but it's also important to keep your thoughts focused
and positive.

Remember, this isn't a 100% of the time thing.

You're allowed to have bad days - and when you do take that time to rest, be upset, be
angry, eat the junk food - feel everything you need to feel.

Then - get back to it.

When you repeat positive affirmations you’re feeding the brain new information and
creating new neural pathways that will help you to shift your programming.

Remember it takes 30 days to create new neural pathways.

It's important to acknowledge that affirmations may feel a bit strange or awkward at first.

Talking to yourself in a positive and empowering way might not be something you're used
to, but trust me when I say they can be incredibly transformative.

Affirmations are like little seeds that we plant in our minds. With consistent practice, they
have the power to reprogram our thoughts and beliefs, helping us break free from avoidant
patterns and embrace healthier ways of relating to ourselves and others.

So, even if it feels a bit weird or cheesy, give affirmations a chance.

Repeat them to yourself with conviction and intention. Over time, you'll begin to notice a
shift in your mindset and a greater sense of self-worth and self-acceptance.
 SECTION 5

AFFIRMATIONS FOR BREAKING

AVOIDANT PATTERNS

Tips For Affirmations

You can practice your anxious attachment style affirmations either inside your head or out
loud.

Practicing in a quiet space when you have a little time to yourself is best, so that you can
focus on the words and emotion.

You can choose to practice in the mirror while looking into your eyes to enhance the
practice.

Remember, we need to connect the thoughts of the mind to a feeling in the body, so attach.
a deep feeling to your affirmation.

Don’t just say the words “I deserve love”, feel the words as deeply as you can;
visualize how you’d feel if these words were true; who are you, what are you doing,
how are you expressing yourself if this was the truth? .

Remember, healing and growth take time, and there might be days when you doubt the
effectiveness of affirmations.

But keep going.

We all have bad days.

Be patient with yourself, embrace the process, and celebrate even the smallest victories
along the way.

You're rewiring your brain and creating new pathways of self-love and resilience.

Trust in their power, and they will guide you towards a life free from anxious patterns,
where you can experience deeper connections and genuine fulfillment.

Practicing as you wake up and just before you go to sleep supercharges this practice as
your subconscious mind is in a deep meditative state and more open to suggestion.

Try to practice this for 30 days in a row, see how it makes you feel - you might be
surprised.
 SECTION 5

AFFIRMATIONS FOR BREAKING

AVOIDANT PATTERNS

Choose 5 of your favorite affirmations and repeat them daily.

Reword them to feel more authentic to you (keep them positive and affirming).

1. I am worthy of love and connection.

2. I embrace vulnerability as a strength.
3. I am open to forming deep and meaningful relationships.
4. I trust that I can navigate intimacy with grace and authenticity.
5. I release fear and embrace emotional closeness.
6. I deserve to be seen, heard, and valued in relationships.
7. I am deserving of love and affection.
8. I let go of my need for constant independence and allow myself to rely on others.
9. I am capable of building and sustaining healthy relationships.
10. I release the need to push others away and instead invite them into my life.
11. I choose to communicate my needs and emotions openly and honestly.
12. I release old patterns of emotional detachment and welcome emotional connection.
13. I am enough just as I am.
14. I am deserving of love, respect, and understanding.
15. I trust my instincts and make choices that align with my values.
16. I am confident in expressing my thoughts, feelings, and needs.
17. I embrace my unique qualities and celebrate my individuality.
18. I am worthy of receiving support and care from others.
19. I am resilient and capable of overcoming challenges.
20. I have the power to create the life and relationships I desire.
21. I choose to let go of self-doubt and embrace self-belief.
22. I am strong and capable of navigating difficult emotions.
23. I trust myself to make decisions that serve my highest good.
24. I am deserving of happiness and fulfillment in all areas of my life.
25. I release the need for perfection and embrace my imperfections.
 SECTION 6

A NEW YOU

So, do you think you can cultivate a secure attachment style after everything you've
learned?

Secure attachment is characterized by emotional responsiveness, trust, effective

communication, and shared values. By understanding the qualities that define secure
attachment, you'll gain valuable insights to shape and enhance your own connections.

A secure attachment style comes with a certain flair for maintaining healthy relationships.
Here's what a person with a secure attachment style typically does:

1. Communicates Openly: They're adept at expressing their feelings and needs in a clear,
respectful manner, fostering mutual understanding and reducing conflicts.
2. Respects Boundaries: They understand and respect personal boundaries, their own and
those of others. They know that personal space and mutual respect go hand-in-hand in
any relationship.
3. Maintains Balance: They find a healthy balance between dependence and
independence, never too clingy, never too distant.
4. Shows Empathy: They can attune to the feelings and needs of their partners, offering
support and understanding when needed.
5. Cultivates Trust: They trust easily but not naively, building trust with time and through
consistent, reliable behavior.
6. Is Resilient: They bounce back from relationship setbacks, using them as opportunities
to learn and grow rather than reasons to disconnect.
7. Practices Self-Care: They understand the importance of self-care and take time for
themselves to recharge, knowing that a healthy relationship starts with a healthy self.

In essence, a secure attachment style is like being in a dance where you're in sync with
your partner, flowing effortlessly together, yet also comfortable in your own rhythm.

We hope you feel this in your next meaningful relationship.

 SECTION 6

A NEW YOU

If you got this far, we have to say, we're impressed!

We hope that you've learnt some cool things about neuroscience, your brain and how it's
possible to change and grow.

You've made it through a pretty intense journey of introspection and transformation,

dealing with your dismissive avoidant attachment.

You may have cried a little or came to a few realizations about yourself and life; and we
hope this has helped.

You've taken a deep dive into your past, observed your present through a new lens, and
envisioned an empowering future.

You've courageously embraced all aspects of your personality, including the shadowy
parts, and taken significant steps towards integration.

In practising self-awareness and courage, you've set meaningful goals for your future and
readied yourself to tackle avoidant tendencies head-on.

But remember, the path of self-discovery and self-growth isn't a destination - it's an
ongoing journey.

This process of growth, healing, and transformation continues beyond these pages.

Don't ever forget - you are capable, you are resilient, and you are deserving of love,
connection, and joy in all its forms.

Keep this journal close.

Revisit it often to remind yourself of how far you've come and the resilience you've
displayed.

Let it be a source of motivation and inspiration as you continue your journey of self-
awareness, tackling avoidant tendencies, and embracing the full spectrum of life's
experiences.

We're rooting for you!