How Important is It to Sleep with

Her on the First Date?

By Hector Castillo

Do you need to sleep with every girl on the first date? The answer:
no, but it helps. Sometimes a lot.

Often enough weʼll get someone on the Girls Chase forums who,
after following the GC model of “move faster,” will begin to
question the validity of said model.

Usually itʼs because he finds the majority of chicks he meets up with

wonʼt sleep with him on the first date... or, when he does go for the
first-date lay, he crashes, burns, and never hears from her again,
no matter how much he persists. Usually his inquiries are focused
on women of higher quality (more beautiful or popular) and he
suspects they arenʼt prone to sleeping with men quickly.

Well, thatʼs actually true – beautiful girls with high self-esteem are
much less likely to sleep around, as theyʼve learned from a young
age just how in-demand they are and how easily they can rope men
in to relationships without having to give up sex.

However, this doesnʼt change the fact that these women will have
sex with you on a first date/meeting. Not only is it possible, itʼs
better, because the quicker you sleep with her, the more likely she
is to date you, and not those other dudes. We will answer why in this
article.

Now, this is important: to most naturals (like myself), it isnʼt really

about strategy – itʼs about desire. When you ask us why itʼs
important to sleep with a girl on the first date, the answer is
“because I want to sleep with her.” To understand this mindset,
divorce yourself from strategic, categorical thinking for a moment.

You see a girl with a nice ass, busty tits, or a beautiful face – you
want to have sex with her, without a doubt. Why would you NOT
want to have sex with her as quickly as possible? This thought is in
fact a much higher order of frame and masculine thinking than the
“how do I keep her or seem most dominant?” mindset, even if it
seems simpler or more primal. Itʼs rooted firmly in the manʼs desire
(i.e., your frame).

On a slightly more academic level, I addressed this question of lay

speed in my article on moving fast without rushing. My thesis
was simple – because time is irrelevant to women, why not move
fast?

If a woman feels sexually or emotionally connected (or both), she

will have sex with you quickly.

Thirty minutes after meeting you, an hour into the first date, or
without even a first date and straight to your house, etc. (also, for
clarification, a first date can also include the first time you meet her
out. Basically, the first time you have any significant chance of
sleeping with her, be it at a bar, coffee shop, or a predetermined
meeting)

The only higher-tier counterargument to this mindset that I can

surmise, and one Iʼve seen a few times, is if it takes you longer to
sleep with a girl, that ensures her chances of cheating are lessened,
because if it was hard for YOU to get her, then imagine how hard it
will be for those OTHER guys. Well, weʼll cover that one, too.

However, many guys still wonder why itʼs important that you sleep
with her on the first date or meeting.

But first we need to address the primary question.

Will Any Girl Sleep with You on the First Date (Or First
Time You Meet Her?)

Short answer: yes.

Long answer: it depends on how good you are. Also, thereʼs a

difference between any girl and every girl. I mean, if weʼre gonna be
academic, then letʼs be academic. Not every girl will sleep with you
on the first date, but it is without a doubt possible that any girl of
any quality or personality will sleep with you on a first date.

It starts with attraction. If sheʼs going on a date with you, thereʼs a

fair chance sheʼs attracted to you (unless sheʼs using you for a free
meal or looking for a friend; most of the time this is easy to spot).
In most cases, then, when she likes you, itʼs your game that takes
her from “I want to sleep with you” to “I WILL sleep with you.”

Now, how do I know this all for sure? Experience. I have myself slept
with women or otherwise gotten intimate with them on the first date,
despite them being ultra conservative, beautiful, or “hard-to-get.” If
I didnʼt do it myself, I know that they have done it before. Or I know
of guys who have.

And because women.

The only other counterargument is, well, experience, but of

generally negative results. You might say “Well, chicks arenʼt
sleeping with me that quickly!”

Well, Iʼm sorry that this is your reality. But for some men, it is not so.
To make it your reality, a first step might be to get some coaching or
work on fundamentals.

Moving on.

Why is it bad if you wait longer than one date?

Itʼs bad because of what a potential boyfriend, in the traditional

sense, needs to fulfill before he gets into her pants. What is that?
His sexual fidelity. And that is not something you should offer in
return for sex, EVER, I donʼt care how hot she is. Women hold the
key to sex, but men hold the key to relationships, and if you give
that up, you are starting from a very bad position in terms of
negotiation (and if you lambast at the thought of framing sex as a
negotiation, then take it up with the girl who wants your
commitment before she has sex with you; sheʼs the one turning sex
into a business deal, not me).

When you wait too long to have sex with a girl, she might think you
want something serious (not necessarily, but itʼs much more likely
than if youʼre trying to get it an hour into a first date). She might not
have thought of you as a potential boyfriend, but because of your
actions, she begins to think of you as one. This is okay as long as
youʼre already having sex.

(Iʼve had girls outright declare that they want me as their boyfriend
and still sleep with me the first night – like my current girlfriend. This
is fine, because itʼs her who wants to be YOUR girlfriend, not her
asking YOU for commitment first. Youʼll often find this with girls you
have amazing chemistry with or very dominant women who know
exactly what they want)

In other words, she should either be sexually AND romantically

interested in you, or sexually interested first... and THEN
romantically interested. If itʼs romantic interest first, then sexual...
well, youʼre going the route of a woman rather than a man.

The former situation, in which she wants both from you, is the
position of the lover (and by romantic interest, this can mean a
week-long relationship while youʼre in town, or a ten year
relationship). The latter is that of a fuckboy – at first she thought
you were just a dick with legs, but you turned out to be much more.

These are both fine – and both best executed when you sleep with
her on the first date.

Why Is It Optimal to Sleep with Her on the First Date?

They key word here is “optimal.”

To put it concisely, because it makes you dominant. It also saves

time (and money?).

Like I said, your desire should be “I want to have sex with her.” The
sooner the better.

Getting it in quickly shows that you get what you want (i.e., you are
a dominant male). Sometimes guys will get confused and mistake
dominance for aggression. These are not mutually exclusive
characteristics, but they are not identical, either.

You can be aggressive but not dominant, you can be dominant

but not aggressive, and you can be dominant and aggressive. If
aggression is accepted and enjoyed by her, then do it. If not, then
donʼt. But getting your way is dominance, and that should always
happen, because why not? (...so long as itʼs consensual, of course,
duh – to that one guy who feels like going down that road of
accusations.)

Also, she finds it sexy when a man gets his way. Women like
winners. If you donʼt understand this, you are not in a position to
even be arguing in this debate; you need to go sleep with more
women until you see one of them get properly turned on by your
dominance – your epiphany will come with the lust in her eyes.

“What if I donʼt want to have sex quickly?”

Easy way to turn that smile of hers upside down.

Then, youʼre thinking like a woman. Why? Because even if you think
romance helps with sex (and yes, it does, and I believe this is the
contention, that you want it to be a better experience), then thereʼs
literally nothing wrong with having sex, you know, again, and again,
and again, after you had sex the first time... and it progressively
amplifies along with the feelings you build for each other. A woman
thinks of sex as being “special” so that she can either screen
someone to take her virginity or get commitment before giving it
up (his commitment is far more likely to occur after sex, or, if
possible, before they have sex – if a guy is actually in love with
her).

This can apply to any girl who isnʼt a virgin, too, just youʼre more
likely to get this “idealistic” argument from a virgin. Perhaps also
with very beautiful and high-status women, this is a legitimate
screen for them, because 99.9% of men they meet will be willing to
give commitment before having sex with them.

Male thinking is understandably different. As a man, screwing things

up your first time, or any time really, and banging a low-value chick
who wonʼt give you commitment isnʼt risky at all – you donʼt “give
up” anything as a man in a sense of mating. Your sperm and virility
is practically infinite so long as you live. Even if you do screw a chick
whoʼs screwing other guys, and she gets knocked up, you have
them take a DNA test. If itʼs not yours, youʼre good (unless of course
you raise it for a few years, then find out itʼs not yours. By then,
youʼre a surrogate parent under the law and will help raise it
whether you like it or not).

But back to sleeping with her quickly. If you have that desire (which
is also conducive for a serious, long-term relationship), and your
desire is fulfilled, she will think youʼre more attractive. Itʼs really that
simple.
Now, the counterargument here might be “Well, if time doesnʼt
matter to women, and theyʼll have sex with you as long as they feel
emotionally and/or sexually connected to you, why is it to them
MORE attractive for you to do it quickly? Isnʼt it more important that
you just have sex at all?”

In other words, isnʼt it enough that you have sex with her?

Yes and No.

This part might be difficult to wrap your head around, because we

think so linearly about time, but letʼs give it a try.

Women view time in a much more accurate way than we do (i.e.,

time for them doesnʼt exist – only the present moment does). This is
why women can say they want to be with a man forever, and then
change their mind one week later. The present reality, the only
reality with any substantial, empirical existence, is no longer “I want
to be with you forever” after they find out you are giving up on your
dream, made yet another a promise you couldnʼt keep, have treated
her poorly for the last time, etc. (thereʼs always a reason she will
change her mind, even if you canʼt see it... cuz, you know, causality).

Men will cry that sheʼs illogical, but sheʼs simply viewing time how
sheʼs built to see it. Whether her view of time is ontologically correct
or not is irrelevant – itʼs how she sees it, and, chances are you wonʼt
be able to change her mind with a philosophical argument. You
have to change her emotions to instead see your frame in the
present tense (i.e., show her why she should be in love with you
NOW… again).

Okay, now hereʼs the switch that might be hard to see.

Even though time isnʼt important to her, and sheʼll sleep with you
quickly if everything falls into place emotionally (and logically and
logistically), she still is a sentient and self-aware being and can
know when one guy put in less effort and had an easier time about
something. Itʼs like her watching an MMA fight. If one guy knocks
out his opponent with one hit, and then she sees another barely
scrape a W from a grueling three 5-minute round match, sheʼs
going to think the first guy is more powerful (some exceptions, of
course).

Therefore, the guy who beds her the same day he meets her is
much more powerful than the guy who spends a few weeks taking
her around town, showing her all the coolest places he can, paying
for the dates, and in between all of this, spending time on the phone
with her or incessantly texting her.

Now, that comparison is exaggerated, sure. Whatʼs the difference

between a guy who screws her in one date versus two? Is it THAT
big of a deal?

It depends. Maybe her first one-night stand was years ago when
she was a bit more susceptible to male charm (or outright
deception/manipulation if that guy made promises he didnʼt keep),
and now that sheʼs older, more experienced, and her walls are up,
you getting in her pants on the second date is more of a feat than
the one he pulled off. Sheʼs a different person now. Youʼre more
powerful in her eyes.

Itʼs relative. You need to know your girl to figure out her past and
know how you stack up against the competition (the whole “donʼt
compare yourself” self-esteem argument doesnʼt work for her. She
IS comparing you, just like you compare her to all of your other
girls).

Now, to lessen the seriousness of this, itʼs not the MOST important
thing that you sleep with her quickly. That honor goes to continually
having good sex with her, I would say. Second to that is remaining
non-needy, followed by giving her romance and fulfilling her
emotional desires, then followed by your commitment to your
dream, and finally expanding the relationship.

But all of those things are very well communicated to her and set a
good early precedent if you sleep with her quickly. A man who
moves forward with his relationships, is chasing his dream, knows
women, is non-needy, and is experienced (i.e., he can shag well)
probably doesnʼt spend too much time courting women – but rather
gets them in bed quickly – simply for the sake of efficiency.

To put it simply, itʼs not necessary for you to lay her on the first date,
but it is optimal.

Does That Mean I Need to Be a Famous, Hot, Tall, Muscular

Superstar?

This is the question that might come to your mind if youʼre dealing
with really high-value women or legitimately conservative chicks.
Maybe you look on Instagram and see that all the super-hot Insta-
models are dating tall, muscular, bearded, and tattooed men. Or
maybe theyʼre just famous (which beats all those).

With the Instagram models, this can be explained by the fact

that they are going to pick a guy who looks good to the world.
They are status-obsessed, as is obvious by their lifestyle (they make
a living posting near-nude pics on social media). So theyʼre going to
pick men with widely accepted high-value traits (e.g., tall,
handsome, bearded, tattooed, etc.) because itʼs hard to read game
through a picture; they instead just want prima facie jealousy from
their competition. Also, these chicks work out hard, are full of
testosterone, and are probably only attracted to hyper-masculine
men (and big buff dudes are much more likely to be masculine than
most, if you want to dragnet demographically).

Now, is it possible that a short and wild seducer can get into her
pants in one night? Or maybe a silent, strong, but mysterious artist?
Sure. He might even get in there quicker than a meathead, because
she knows that the other demographic would make a great
boyfriend and will want to get more investment out of him before
opening her legs. This non-meathead, not normally her type, is
totally open to all avenues (or exclusively a hookup, since sheʼd
never think of publicly declaring him a boyfriend if sheʼs super
status-obsessed).

I mean, one of the hottest girls Iʼve ever seen on Instagram, the
Weather Channel bombshell Yanet Garcia, started dating the
professional gamer Faze Censor after her fans all urged her to follow
him on Instagram and they met up. Heʼs famous and in good shape,
but in no way hyper-masculine personality wise, and totally different
from most guys youʼd expect her to date. I mean, the dude posted a
video of himself crying after he and Yanet got into a fight (allegedly
because he checked out another girl, which is a strong sign that
heʼs whipped).
Picture of Faze and Yanet. Faze not crying in this picture.

Of course, girls have types, and he might be hers. She might be

conservative and like nice guys at the moment. You, on the other
hand, might not be her type.

But you could say that about anything. You can technically fit her
type on paper but be totally unimpressive to her. Or you can be the
opposite of everything she usually dates, and she could go crazy for
you.

The point is, none of these realities should stop you from improving.
Would your sex life be better if you were more rich, more popular (or
famous?), in better shape, wore better clothes, etc?

Uhh… ya. I think, most importantly, because it puts you in proximity

to these women. But if your game is trash, you can hang around
them all day, and theyʼll constantly have dry pussies in your vicinity.

So, Do Both

However, you donʼt NEED to be ultra-anything to get your personal

ten-out-of-ten. You should try to be, but itʼs not necessary. Maybe
the confidence you get from that next promotion, however marginal,
will make you slightly peppier the next day... and on that day you
happen to run into a girl who fits every dream youʼve ever had about
a woman. She smells the confidence on you, you melt her with
charm, and she quickly accepts an invite back to your place. Itʼs
either all a game of probability, or itʼs not (and in that case, you still
need to act as if it is; determinism is a funny subject).

She will sleep with you quickly if she feels the connection there. The
higher her standards, the higher your game/fundamentals need to
be; but at a certain point, youʼre getting diminishing returns on
things and only competing with the top 1% of the worldʼs hottest
men. Thatʼs where I like to play, but you donʼt have to play there to
get the women you want. It depends on what you want.

But if that is what you want, youʼre not going to complain that you
have to be that cool, rich, muscular, or famous to get a girl like that –
youʼre just going to do it so that you can get your foot in the door
and prove yourself better than the rest of the jabronies that chase
after her.

Will She Think Iʼm a Loser If It Takes More Than One Date?

It depends. Iʼd say “yes” only under four circumstances.

1. You feel like a loser if you donʼt get her in the first
date. She can read your emotions as the date ends, and if
youʼre also sullen and depressed, sheʼs going to think you donʼt
get laid much. Itʼs not even a question of “He couldnʼt lay me in
3 hours and 25 minutes?! What a loser!” (girls donʼt think like
this, remember). Instead, itʼs “He seems really upset that he
couldnʼt have sex with me; he must not get laid very much or
 with girls as hot as me.”

2. If she throws you some pretty clear signals and

you donʼt catch them. In that case, itʼs auto-rejection on
either the side of value or attainability. If you seemed
uninterested or aloof, sheʼll think “Wow, I made it so obvious
that I wanted to go home with him, and he didnʼt take it?” (Of
course, if your aim is to keep the tension going, she could also
be even MORE interested now, because most men are suckers
for her charms... and you, for whatever reason, werenʼt buying
it; though, if thatʼs the case, sheʼll most likely text or call you
soon after she failed to bed you. If not, then sheʼs thinking you
donʼt like her.)

3. If she thinks you didnʼt go for the kill because you seemed shy,
nervous, or buckled at the first sign of flirtatious resistance,
then sheʼll think youʼre a wimp (thereʼs always the allure of the
hot but innocent/shy guy, but I wouldnʼt bank on this happening
– itʼs rare). Thatʼs a value auto-rejection.

4. You positioned yourself as a fuckboy, and failing at conquering

and giving her the only thing you were offering (sex), youʼre
useless to her.

Isnʼt She a Slut if She Sleeps with Me on the First Date?

The real question here is: “If I date her after we sleep together so
quickly, will she be that easy for other guys, too?”
Should you be worried or excited?

Conversely, if a girl takes two, three, or more dates for you to get
with, it must mean that sheʼs hard to get, higher value, and less
likely to cheat on you, right?

This is a false premise. Some of the most promiscuous girls I know

will sometimes rope guys into ten or more dates/hangouts before
sleeping with them. Slutty girls are better than virgins at getting
guys to throw commitment and all sorts of investment at them in
exchange for sex (virgins are great simply by their strong, idealistic
frame; experienced chicks have, uh, experience). A lot of guys
overestimate their own seductive prowess and think “My girl could
never cheat on me! It took me X amount of time to get her in bed.”
Well, thereʼs a chance that she played hard-to-get to get you to
think exactly that and think sheʼs worthy of a relationship.

On the converse, Iʼm not saying your girl will definitely cheat on you
if you donʼt sleep with her in one night (if you still think thatʼs the
point of this article, you seriously arenʼt paying attention, so donʼt
lose your nuts in the comment section). What I am saying is that you
shouldnʼt let thoughts like these make you complacent. A girl is a
girl is a girl, and if sheʼs sick and tired of your lazy, complacent,
boring ass, she will move on, whether that takes a year or ten. This
can happen even if you do sleep with her on the first date, took her
virginity, if sheʼs super conservative, or has any other quality that
you consider “safe.” In this respect, then, itʼs kind of irrelevant how
quickly you sleep with her (but only in this respect).

I myself tend to be attracted to very experienced women for

relationships, because inexperienced chicks bore the shit out of me,
or I find them too sane. Itʼs a challenge – can I keep a girl this
beautiful, dominant, and promiscuous faithful to me? I also like my
girls a bit crazy, and promiscuous women tend to have
daddy/mommy issues (as of now; this could always change as I
change, or maybe Iʼll get cheated on, get bitter, and try to lessen
those chances by dating a girl with a lower lay count – who knows).
Or maybe itʼs because they have a high sex drive and I need that to
satisfy my insatiable lust.

The Simple Solution to All of This

As I pointed out at the beginning, this is an overcomplication of a

very simple issue, but it needs to be addressed.

How to solve this simply? Think like a natural.

“I want to sleep with her as quickly as I can, because why not?”

Following with the other issue, infidelity, you can adopt this
approach:

“So what if she cheats on you? Break up with her, cut contact,
and find another girl.”

Having these two thoughts in your head, and also fully feeling them
emotionally, transcends all strategic arguments for or against
sleeping with a girl quickly. You sleep with a girl quickly because you
have a connection. Thatʼs it. Itʼs the natural frame of “Iʼm a man, Iʼm
horny, and I want to put my penis inside of her,” which is quite
literally the most intoxicating thing to a woman, but it is also
fused with the idea of connecting to a woman romantically and
emotionally.

Thus, it evolves into “Iʼm connected to her and the most beautiful
way of expressing that is to ravage her.” Once youʼre there, youʼre at
the epitome of male-to-female thinking. When youʼre with a girl,
youʼre not thinking whether itʼs strategic to sleep with her thirty
minutes into the first date, youʼre thinking… no… feeling the
following: “We must consummate this connection.”

In other words, you canʼt think of a reality where you two

DONʼT sleep together.

What a frame, huh?

If she doesnʼt want to follow you all the way, then okay, maybe she
needs more time. If sheʼs worth it to you, then wait for her, if sheʼs
not, then donʼt (no, itʼs not the end of the world if it takes two or
three dates/hangouts).

Simple. Easy. Not hard.

Funnily enough, this is actually going to increase your skills more so

with women for whom you feel intense attraction. Youʼll do better
with girls you consider 9s and 10s than you will with 7s, for instance.
Whatʼs the super-secret, top-echelon name for this paradigm?

The lover.

How do you get there?

Go meet women, talk to them, flirt with them, get rejected by them,
sleep with the other ones, date those, and donʼt stop pushing until
youʼre satisfied. Then, one day, you will be talking to some girl (or a
lot of girls) and think “Man, I love these chicks.”

Then you will realize: “Oh… hey, I did it.”

Oh yeah, and read more Girls Chase articles and buy our products
along the way, because we know what weʼre talking about. Donʼt
question us!

Just kidding, question us and test our theories (emphasis on the

testing part – meaning go out and meet women).

To late nights with beautiful women...

Hector

About the Author: Hector Castillo

Hector Castillo is the webʼs top expert on

getting laid in college. In his small town
university, he went from World of Warcraft
nerd to president of his fraternity in 4
years... And on the way, he bedded close
to 50 women. His book King of College is
due out soon. Listen to the 40-minute interview with Hector on
his story and some of his prized tech... and sign up for a 12-week
coaching course with him, here:
LISTEN TO WEBINAR & SIGN UP FOR COACHING

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