MODELS ATTRACT WOMEN THROUGH HONESTY Models ATTRACT WOMEN THROUGH HONESTY Copyright 201-2016 Mark Manson All Rights Reserved ‘SSE NEESER o- electronic. including photocopying and rec information storage and retrieval syater, without permission in w publisher Requerts for permission for or farther information on usage ofthis document should bbe addressed to: mark@markmanson net Legal Notice ‘The Purchaser or Reader ofthis publication ascumes responsibilty forthe use of ‘haze materiale and information. Adherence to all aplicabla awe and regulations, federal, state, and local. or any other jurisdiction is the sole responsibiliy of the Purchaser or Render“The Author and Publisher assume no responsibil behalf of any Purchaser ot Reader Fosewotd to the Revised Edition ‘Any perceived sights of specific people or organizations are unintentional.losing "Foreword to the Revised Edition In Apel 201, ina cramped and horribly overpriced etl room in London, I began the outline fora dating advice book Fr anyane wha has red to write a book they know that starting it x the most daunt ing par. There were so many considerations, so many ideas, so many goals and ambitions. And for 3 few days, was paralyzed with ll ofthe potential But | soon decided to limit myselfto one specif sim. | asked myself, What book do | wish | would have read when | was single and struggling in my dating life? IF hed only read one book, what do | wish it had told me?” [As the weeks wert by, it turned out that | wished it had told me a lot. The book spilled out of me in a somewhat involuntary manner, a kid of intellectual vomit | was touring Europe, gving tals and coaching ive at the time, and I would after fin: ich up a session with a client or do a QBA with a small audience and immediate ‘0-my hotel r20n to jot some ofthe ideas that had spewed ou of my mouth into the looning book cided early om that I wanted to make the book different syjitically | had read prety much every other dating advice book on the market and thought mast of ‘them wore garbage. | already knew the cote ideas of this book were going te be of ‘erent ~ deeper more person, more emotional Sut | also wanted the style ofthe book to be diferent. Pethaps Iwas up my own ass with selFimportance, but | wanted to give ita bit more ofa Inerary alc | wanted the beauty and joy ofthe dating expe. rience to come across inthe writing itself didn’ just want to lay out step-by-step plans and information to be memorized, | wanted to move the reader since after the whole point ofthe books that dating and romance is about just thet yourself to be moved, both emotionally and physical | wrote the boo in lets than thres month. lost efit wae writen in hotel roar ang ‘apartments across Europe: First London, then Brito, then Prague, then St Pe ly fished in Budapest version ofthe book was long and sloppy: 366 pages, with at least that many and twas ‘pos, grammatial errors, and dumb tangents. At the time, my aspirations were fay pedestrian | wanted to be able to rake some croney online without having to phys! cally be in one spot, as almost four years of constant travel todo the coaching thing was wearing on me. ut alzo wanted to get my ideas out into the world and hopefully makes dent in the Gating advice industry since, atthe time, [fet that what | had te say wae quite dif ferent fiom the vas majority of toxic "Pick Up" advice that was being taught to men “The book came out on July 38, 201 was selfpublished through Amazon and my coum veabste. That first month it only sald a few hundred copies ~ mostly blog read crs and former clients of mine. Many of then reported to me many of the mistakes and helped me leased soon after By the fl ‘over the proceeding weeks and a few small updates were re that year, [elt good that it was out there and people kod it and eo0n moved on t0 other project But asthe months rolled on, the book began to take on a life ofits own. With ne mar keting, no publicity, no promotion, and » shitty cover | made myself in Photoshop, ‘the boots sales grew exponentilly each month. Like 2 mind virus, infecting people's brains 2o thet they could move on and infact others, men began rezommending ite ‘heir fiends, and then ther fiends recommended it to ther fiends, and soon their (ied frends were buying it for thes brothers ard cousins and even newly divorced‘fathers and uncles. It was soon being recommended on websites and forums £0 ‘much that | began to get emails asking me to stop spamming. But | wasn't spam ring. I wasn't doing anything. twas simply the readers 2y esry 20va, te my plascant surprice, | vse earning enough to makes living a2 30 author So | quit coaching and focused solely on my writing. That same surnmer | also gave the book its da desig chopped about so ofthe more pedantic and excessive pages. | simplified some ofthe ‘terms and theories and tied to make them mare reader friendly. What | consider the fist professional version of Models was released in August of 2012 From there the book went on zo become the highest selling men's dating advice book for years at a time, outseling mainstays such as Neil Stauss's The Game and Eric Von Markovik’s The Mystery Method, often even outselling mast women's dating a ‘ice books, which is kind of unheard of in tre industry. it wae a perennial bestecler In the category on Amazon and has actually eeached int where mary popular men's dating advice forums and sites ore” note in their FAQs or sidabars, By 2015, | felt as thouel | vee Fished wth the book | was ready to move on. | wos preparing to relaunch my site and start writing articles for both genders with topics With a *vead this before asking any ques- ranging from personal peychology tothe cultural effects of smartphones and news: ‘feeds. | as leaving dating advice Behind for good, ‘Over the next two yeas, my site's popularity exploded. Over 20 milion people tead it lone. Yet Models has always persisted, slays there in the background. A hrobbing reminder of where I came from, as wall as the virue of taking a risk and seeing where it led me Because, most people don't realize thie now, but Medels was = huge risk when it See, back in 200, few pieces of dating or relationship advice talked about blunt hon- ‘ety, about accepting rejection or even polarizing people for negative responses. Vul- rerablity was considered 2 vulgar word among most men and anything that didnt {get you lad as soon as possible was often deemed point even worse, being — ‘And, god forbid, you tlle about emotions or trauma or feelings of inadequacy. Like r= aly who the fuck wants to hear about that, you pussy? Go approach more! But | had known from working wth hundteds of men around the world that most of their dating problems had litle te do with “knowing what so say” or tactic to get women to sleep with them sooner The vast majority ofthese men’s problems were inferior and inadequate around women. They came fom men who were seated to look reality in the eye and stil smile, | knew winen | put these pages together that they were etter going te cevame much ‘of the industy or they were gaing to be laughed off the Amazon sales page and I'd ‘s00n go gets day jb. But today, I'm happy to say that much of the men’s dating advice industry has fo lowed suit and is now extaling the vines of honest expression, of finding courage and confdence through rman rather than simply apzea and investing oneself into becoming a bettar asthough you're a better man. Sometimes | get ernails fiom readers who send me videos or passages fram otherdating advice companies or coaches, who five years ago were the king ofthe douch who ced to wear ridiculous outfits and give “advice” such 2s whipping out your cock in public and screaming nonsense at women. Now, many of these men ete preaching the virtues of ly and respecting women's desires as wll ax your ovr. Often the reader wil ask me, *Thie guy is rigping you of, dows this pies you of" And actualy it doesn't It makes me happy and proud. | was bom in Texas and we have a tendency to pratle on about eurselves (FF you Imagine me sitting on a porch sipping a can of cheap beer with 2 shotgun strewn across my lap, that's about hove writing all of this Fels), so probably wondering, “What the hel revision and uhy did you da #2" 1 the chase here and answer what you s with the latest ‘This atest revision camee on thet fend of fishing 2 new book to be published in locked back through Models and once again felt feel good 2016. Upon completing that book, ‘that ituas in need of an update, particularly inthe writing department. bout the core ideas and advice ofthe book. But in the four years since | last touched it, my writing has improved by leaps and bounds and my expl ive ablities have grown. So, once aguin, combed through the teat: concepts were clarified, advice was revorded to be more precise, and excessive nonsense was trimmed or removed en- tirly The version of Medel that you are reading right now isthe clearest, mest con cise, and therefore, ikl the most powerful version to date. 'm confident in that. For elder eaders, changes include (THE ORIGINAL TERM FROM THE FIRST VERSION). | PUT “TRUE CONFIDENCE’ IN THE SECOND VERSION OF THE BOOK BECAUSE 1 THOUGHT THAT IT WAS MORE DIGESTIBLE TO THE AVERAGE READER. IN HINDSIGHT, I THINK IT’S JUST VAGUE AND "FEEL GOOD" TERM. | ALWAYS LIKED (AND MOST READERS STILL PRE. FER) THE ORIGINAL TERM THAT I TOTALLY MADE UP OUT OF THIN AIR: NON-NEEDINESS, THIS TERM HAS BEEN RE-INSTATED ALONG WITH ADDED EXPLANATION OF WHERE IT CAME FROM. CHANGING ‘FALSE CONFIDENCE’ TO NARCISSISM. NARCISSISM IS A NEW TERM ENTIRELY FOR THE BOOK AND ONE THAT | THINK IS NARCISSISM IN MOST CASES. BEING MORE EXPLICIT ABOUT THE IDEAS OF CONSENT, RECOG NIZING AND RESPONDING TO HOW WOMEN FEEL, AND S&S! CALLY TREATING THEM LIKE PEOPLE ANO NOT OBJECTS. THIS WAS EXPLICIT ABOUT THIS. THIS IS A BOOK ABOUT PEOPLE SPEAKING AND RELATING TO OTHER PEOPLE, NOT OBTAINING OBJECTS ORDELETED ABOUT 30 PACES OF UNNECESSARY TANGENTIAL STUFF, IVE EXPLANATIONS, AND JUST LONG, RAMBLY WRITING IN IFyou're new to the bock don't worry about the changes just dive right into it IF you're an older reader, then the frst few chapters and the last few are the ones with the most added/changed, while Chapter & (formerly 9) a the one with the mast re moved. In the end, akhough existing ina genre thats considered by most to bea joke, tm in credibly proud ofthis book. Net only did i birth me a career doing what I ove, but | ‘eel 2s though t took my widest aspirations vhen | wrote and surpassed ther with cose Most books die of afer» couple yrs, ut M Js continues to chug along. = resilient and polarizing ard vulnerable 28 ever, changing the lives of men in its wale ‘Or atleast, that's what I ike to nyse. [And for most ofthat success, | have nobody to thank but you: the returning readers, ‘the people who read the book and shared it with their friends or recommended it on websites, the people who bought Ave copies ard gave it to their Fends and Family members. Without your enthusiasm and support for the ideas here, especially early on, they would likely have been lost tthe cesspoo! of filed self-published books on ‘Amazon. So te you, thank you. Marl Mongon December 28th, 2015 A Quick Note to Female and LGBT Readers Tre popularity of Models has brought it 0 the attention of a number of people that the Bock wae not originally conceptualized and written for A number of single ‘women, as well as gay, lesbian, bi, and trans people have emailed me over the years ssking ifthe book's concepts apply fo them, At first, this surprised me, And then what surpised me moce is that a5 | went ‘through the concepts in the book, | realized thatthe answer was a resounding ‘yet these concepts apply to everyone. Although there area few caveats ‘The core pnnciples ofthe Book ~ Nom Nesdiness (Chapter), Vulnerability (Chapters 23), Unconditionality (Chapter 3), Polarization and Rejection (Chapters ¢-6). Demo- sraphics ( Chapter 7), Overcoming Shame and Aniaty (Chapters gra), and Inten= tions (Chapter = apply to all human beings, regardless of gander, orientation, genitalia or whatever ‘The parts ofthe book that wor't directly apply are a numberof the specific examples and implementations of these core principles. For example, in most cultures, men are expected to initiate in almost every phase of courtship, therefore, the ansetes they face (Chapters G10), the challenges with vulnerability they wll confront (Chap- er) and 20 on, will lock a tle bie diferent than they would for 3 hetere woman or someone of anather orientation AAs long as you keep this in mind a8 you move throughout the bool and attempt to apply the core principles your own d 1, you should be Fine. Voren fy a yall Lesbians must learn to look ate intentions behing their communication rather ing situa like men, must polarize Gay men must work on thei neediness and wilthan communication tif But because the book ws male audience, the examples and specific pinces of advice given are [A number of female readers have requested that | tite 2 female version of Models and that ie something! might do one day. Butin the meantime, thsi all we've got. {Ag a final note, the only Chapters that | feel are primarily written forthe hetero male situation are Chapters 8 and 14. Other readers wil ind these chapters the leat rele. vant. The Introduction (hich begins on the nest page) is also larga oriented to- wards hetero men and discusses modern-day masculinity So feel free to skip it and {0 straight t0 Chapter. Introduction: Movement In our postindustral, postfeminist word, i's not as clear as it used to be what a man is or whathe should be. Centuries ago, a man’s duty wae power and protection. Decades ago, it was to work and provide, But now? We're not quite sure, We are i- ther the first or second goneration of men to grow up without a clear definition of what our social roles are supposed to be and without 2 model of what iti to be strong and arvactv This book's goa isto provide that model, to provide a model ef what being an attrac: tive man of integrity and maturity [cots like in the 21% century. That means going past the standards of protector and provider, of strength and stoiisr, and improv- Jing ourselves into something bigger and better, something more sdrirable and desirable. Ten years ago, when | first began helping men improve their relationships with women, I had no idea the rabbit hole af infarmation and selFimprovement I was about ta go down, bath for myself and for others At Jn my dating life revolved around which drink specials were going on that Thursday jive, the primary concerns right and which one ofthe fue Jennas in my phone was he one | met last weekend I wagn't until | eat down and tied 10 get other men tothe point where they had five Jennas in their phone that I had a alimpse of the profundity and underdevelopment of most men's emotional and sexual werlé and how difficult ie to inte a genuine ‘moverent within them to open up that word idsight, getting myselfto that point ssems easy now by com Growing up, I had slays Been somewhat ofan average gus, although | had litle ck 1 won'thie,with the ladies. Then in 2005, afer being chested on and lei by my frst Love, Iwas emationally di ‘aught and slightly traumatized. | baceme obsessive. A desperate nec for validation and affection fom wornen arose within me and I spent an inordinate amourt oftime pursuing that validation and affection, far more than most men ever de. | evercom: pensated and soon became driven to sleep with every gil in the Boston ares who ‘would let me anywhere reer her “This went om for litle more than three years My plan wasn’ sophisticated. Really, | read a couple Books with pick up lines and techniques and went out to bars 4-5 nights a week — approaching. firing and failing, pushing and pulling fucking and floundering for those 35 glorious months of expen: mentation Iwas seFindulgent. Butt as a time of growth and a time of moverent But » couple of years and few dozen wore lie, two things happened. First, 1 ing. And it ‘wasn't exactly affecting the other areas of my life in 2 healthy manner. | had to back began to realize that rampant drunken sox was fun, but not vey fu up and evaluate mysef to question why I as szcifcing so much time and efor for superficial pleasures ‘The second thing that happened was | grew a reputation locally for my exploits. Soon men whom | had never mat were emailing me asking if they could come hang out ‘with me, to 268 how lintaracad vith waren, ta wateh me “in action” Ita weird st first. But thon | decided, cure, why not, just buy my drinks or pay me a bit onthe side. ‘And strange | fal lke that where the real journey began. Te ty and model the internal movement, the opening of those emotional words, that burgeoning ofa new confidence that had been occurring within myself, and then replicate tn other men They say ifyou want to master something teach it And this second journey ended up being far more educational than the Fret. When | want out for myzef wae a5 Halfthe time Iwas going out to lose myself to bury my eretions and hopefully wake up in the arms of a stranger Sometimes it worked. Sometimes it didn't. And thats knew. itunto other men and then get them to doit This led me in a winding, twisted path It began with entries into and exits out ofthe so-called "Pick Up Artist” community. | rarearched social psychology, theories be hind attraction, historiog pies on human sexuality, went on strip club binges, read sand taught books on NLP and cogritve therapy, attended various selfhelp semi 1 few mel, shared hotel cooms with rumay models, experimented with touch healing and had afew alternative therapy mishaps, engaged in gender arguments with feminists, and read every crappy dating book on the market. [As [learned and grew, the coaching grew. What began 2s a sideshow hobby turned and af into a business ime business at that It so0n took me to more than to dozen cities across Americ then to countries in Europe, to E and [evan took fel! trips as far ax Argent where | discovered that much of what | had previously assumed about men and women was merely cultural and not universal twas a period of immense education and drive, where I made a lear point to rot let my thinking be confined by any previous model or paradigm about masculinity orrrale/female seal. ‘And afer all ofthat, over ton enriching and challenging years, this is what I've come back with ‘There ae two movements occurring night now. The first one is 2 greater social and emotional movement in western culture. There's «call for # new masculinity that’s been lacking for generations now There's been void of what men are, what theyre supposed to be, how they're supposed to behave, ‘and until now ne one has moved to fl thet void it overly ambitious, but this book aims to fill hat void, to help create the future © behavior — models tobe attractive, powerful and in contol of ‘onships with women and with your life in gener ‘The second movement is happening within you personally I's an emotional and psy- chological movement You'e reading this because you want to change. You want to change your tions and relationships with the women in your life. You want these relationships ta improve. You want these relationships to be abundant. You want to feel confident and empowered around women, beth those you know and those you don’t naw but want fo meet. You want to feel in control of your relalion= ‘hips with them. You want to be sexual with women without shame or hesitation of egret or pain “This second movement is an internal movement. It took me a long time to come ta tripe with that. Altnough thie second movement often begine by changing outer behavior and results in a change of outer behavior — what you say, what you wast how you move — the pracess itself fs an internal ane, a shift in priorities and self. perception, which is then reflected in one's social and romantic Because when you change your beliefs and mindsets, the behavior fllows. This book is designed to guide you through that intemal movement. The larger social ‘movement is merely a backdrop and is only brief explained to give context to your curtent situation. Your failures with women aren't caused because you aay the wrong ‘thing or look like the wrong guy. Words and appearances are merely 2 aymptom of 2 greater internal problem YYour failures happen because you grew up emotionally ill equipped to deal with women, and more specifically, intimacy. The words you say and looks you have are ity ly understanding how to stand, how to talk, how to 's deeper then that This is about This isn’t just abo behave. This ian intellects faking it until you make ually processing the ideas that ccaune your emotions to shift, which then leed to permanent and unconscious changes that irr you inte the altrac: tive male you canbe. This is that howto guide This book aims to arm you with the ideas and values that wal form that emational foundation you never received in adolescence, to present the masculine model you and | missed out on, ‘And once you beg ths intevnal shift, you'll find that the social ations — saying the ight thing, knowing when a go for the kiss, knowing haw to approach a woman, et. — they ail begin to fill nto place, and fll ito place in a rove profound and powerful way than simply memorizing some lines or following some sort of arbitrary procedure The beginning of this book is very theoretical. I's the big picture stuf 1 do this,because I think is important to lay 2 foundation to explain the realities of ataction, gender behavior, and what determines your value on the dating market as 8 man. As the book goss on though, it becomes more echnical and specif, slowly honing in fon necessary actions and habits. | believe i's important to explain why you should do certain actions and behaviors before asking you todo then, Part isan honest look at female attraction based on scientific resercs and the real iste consequences ofthat research in moder life Par Il is an overview ofthe dating strategy that | recommend to all men who come to se for help. The ‘the ones most receptive to your identity a5 soon a possible. We also address rejec mtegy focuses on polarizing reactions from women to screen for tion and howto useitto your advantage rather than le it hinder you ‘This ie a realty based strategy, not bared on fartaces or the fivaltee of wanting to sleep with every woman you meet or dating a “perfect 10” by coming up with seripts of pickup lines. These desies ae rooted in insecurity nd should stay where they be- long: in your reams. Rather Paris» long-term strategy built to take » man front no women in my life” to * as quichly 2s possible, with a litle efor ae possible Par Ili the fist part of our strategy and covers the fst ofthe Three Fundamentals ts of amazing women in my Inid out in Chapter 6, building an enjoyable Iifestyle and becoming an attractive man, “The steps laid out inthis part willbe specific but will be long-term goals with long: ‘orm benefit, Pact IV covers developing courage and becorning a man of action. Men are expected 1 Initiate in all phases of courtship (the reasons why are explained in Part 1) and, ‘therefore, a man acho is hesitant, anvious or afraid of initiating ot gat very far ith most women. The advice laid out inthis step will require diligence but provide real and lasting change to those wiling to dedicate themselves. These steps are medi Lum-erm goals with medium-sem benefits Finally, Part atvactive, more openly, and mote sexually The steps laid out inthis section should Lover the nuts and bolts oF communicating more eFectvel, more hinve inimediate, shortterm benefits. [My goal isto provide you with in-depth perspective into yout emotions 2nd how you ‘operate while also giving you practical processes for improving yourself and achiow ing your goals you're looking for 2 book fll of “say this line and shen execute touch plan X4Z 3." then you're going t9 be disappointed, and not ony with this book, you're going to be isappointed with every book that gives advice like hat because they are band-aid solutions Until you learn to tust your own actions ond lear to pursue women vith your own nique syle ord personality you have leamed absolutely nothing ‘This book aims to give you your fist teal education on women and attraction, the education you should have received a long te ago, rom a number of sources but ever did ‘And I'l give you 3 free previews tha litle to nothing to do with what you'te saying. It hes everything todo with hou, expression, emation, and movement ‘A couple years age | was in Argentina, There | made one ofthe most important dis 1s by herself She looked upset. And when | approached her, she didn't get any happier. She didn't ovaries in all of my time ding thi. I amv gil at» cl speek Engl and | barely spoke any Spanish at the time She didn't want to danceland seemed unintatested in taking. She seemed shy and alao, like something die: ‘tant invisible was occupying her and despite her best efforts, she didn't krow how to Uunburden heres of Eventually, through some tenacity, | got her ta dance, and then to smile, And what 1 discovered over the next weele wins how unnecessary words actually are when i ‘comes to seduction. [As she and | danced, we touched and played. | played hand games with her, rwirled her, made funny faces ard communicated with fake sign language. | held her, ca- ressed her and touched her hair: We drew pictures on napkins for each other. When | put my arm atound her and she leaned into me it spoke more than 1,000 conver. ‘sations, We moved and #8 that movernent drove us claser together physically, we ‘care together emotionally until they were one and the same and we came. 1 wrote, “What you do speaks so loudly | cannot hear what you 533" the interplay af emotions. Your movement, or lack of movernent,reflacts land alters emotions, not the words. Words are the side effect See isthe side effect ‘The game is emotions, emotions through movement. If you learn anything from this book, lt that be i ‘Our culture has become stationary. We spend aur time sitting behind desks, behind like we used to ane we don’ feel ike we used to invite you and hopefllyinepire you to move. Te get sereens, and in cars. We dor (Over the course of tie boo! up out ofthat chair, to go outside, to dae to Feel, to experiment and to connect. This will involve getting off your ass, but that’s 9 good thing. And I wll help you with thet. ‘And ifyou promise to move, then | promise change. Slowly, your looks will charge, your words will change, and your actions will change. And hopafully, maybe “something amazing will happen. Your emotions wil shift and move and vibrate with ‘them, and the women of the word will fel your resonance and come callingNon-Neediness A man’s attractiveness is inversely proportional to how needy he is. The lass needy he i, the more atracsve he vl be to women on average. The needier hei, the ese attractive he wil be to wornen on average [Neediness is when a man places 2 higher priority on others’ perceptions ef him than his perception of himsalf A noedy man's actions and words will therefore be pri manly motwated by impressing ané winning approval fiom thers. Nor-neediness is when 2 man places a higher priority on his own perception of himself than the per- ceptions of ethers. A non-nesdy man's actions and words will sherefore be primarily rotated by embodying his own values and desires [Neediness, therefore, infiltrates all behaviors because i i what inspires and inst- gates all behaviors A lack of neediness also infiltrates all behaviors for the same rea- son. Because i underlies all of your actions and words, to be non-needy is to be move atactivg, in every way. It defines and resonates in everything you say and do, the way you stand, the way you smile, the jokes you tell, tre people you associate th, the ear you drive the wine: ‘When people say vague things ‘need to believe in yourseif” or “he 1 man’s Inck of neediness It exudes fom him in eventhing he does. Paradoxical.» man’s lack of need for attention and admitation is ielf'a magnet for attention and admiration. man's comfort and acceptance ofthe possibilty that some people will not like him makes people like him even more. A man’s respect for diferng opinions rales thove around him vant te agree with inn mor. [A needy man is constancy investing in the perceptions others have in him. He ie being extra nice and fiendly when he doesn't want tobe because he believes he must do this to be liked 2nd loved. He is buying a fancy watch and season tickets tothe local spores team 20 tat he will be admired and loved. He ie coming up vith ke compliments or pretending to bea bad ass because he thinks it il get him attention and love A nomneedy man may tll do these behaviors — he ray still Buy the season tickets ‘or mae the jokes. But his intentions ae diferent. Whereas a needy nian anys and does there things for approval, the non-needy man does ther simply fr the pleasure ‘of doing. The needy man tise to control what others think and feel more than what he thinks and feels himself The nomineedy man is more eonecrned with controling his ovm thoughts and feelings rather than the thoughts and feelings of others. A needy man willbe ore invested inthe woman he is with than in himself he willbe ‘ore concerned about Fer pinion, about him, about the weather, about everthing ‘other than what he actually thinks and feels. A non-needy man will be more invested in himesif than the woman he's with By investment | mean the degree to which you sacrifee/ater your own thoughts, feck: sod motivations for someone ese. By les | mean that as 2 man, you should net 1» sacrifice your thoughts, felings, and motivations for someone else ‘more than they sacrifice theirs foryou That may sound cold, ur-PC, and yes, it made me squirm a litle bit when I rst eal lzedit. gutite true, Think about forthe majority of human history, men had fw material possessions by which women would judge ther status. Back in the caveman days, there were ro‘outdoor pools and tax retums. They didn't have brand name sandals and expensive hinreuts At most, one man had 2 litle bit more ment to share than the nest guy Therefore fr the majority of human histor, women watched mer's behavior Aste yourself wh ind of behavior would indicate to a woman that a man i high status ‘and ft 10 raise her culdren? These are the men whe would be eewally selected over the course of hundreds ofthousands of years Would it be 9 man who defers to all oF the other mien around him, wine begs the ‘women to be sith him, who can tand up for himself and those emotions are dcr tated by those around him? Or would it be the man who controls his ovm destiny, i unfazed by the threats others may pose to him and who shrugs it off iFhe pursues 2 ‘oman and she hae no interest in him? ‘The sesond man indicates » man of status [Fyou'e at the top of the Food chain, you have no reason to be inhibited or to defer to others (unless you went to) IF youre at the bottom ofthe food chain, your entte ie will revolve araund deferring to others. The high-status man displays non-eediness. The loustatus man displays need: Neediness is not consciously calculated by women or people in general. | guarantee sound with neediness scorecards, sited by warner Ws the gug telex she twelve too many the distaste she has when he yu will not see women wal eediness is 2 felin has when a guy cal ‘seems to laugh litle 290 hard at her jokes. I's the annoyance she has when he _seeme to male every decision for her rather than letting her fend forherselé. ‘Women unconsciously detect neediness by sensing the intentions behind 2 man's bechavior and words. IPs why women can offen become turned off at the most innocuous moment or by the mest unimportant statement. Conscicush, the action lor statement may seem harmless, but unconscioush, it convnyed eventing they ned to know about your status and that isthe: you base your actions on a constant need for approval As you are probably avare, women can be needy as well And although neediness is 2 ‘umm-off for most men. i's not the complete deal breaker that it is for women. To most women, a man with no neediness is lke » woman with perfet tits and » gor _geously sculpted ass. To # woman, # man with fot of neediness is ike having the worst breath and missing teeth, |e important to nots that non-nesdinest dosen't mean you should only are about Yyourslf This is rarcesism, and although it might get you lad, its nor attractive and ‘ll resutin dyefanctional relationships fs the reason we have relationships in the fist place, to be touched and moved by others. The important point here is how 12 prioritize ether people's perceptions vereus our ovn. Which is more important? Hers or yours? Highly needy men will end up in relationships sometimes, but only with high needy somen. The highly naedy man ix constarily working fo earn a woman's approval and «a highty nesdy woman is camstar innaed ofa man's approval, So the two conspire together, usualy with one cresting dramsjemotional meltdowns and the other one ‘endlesely fing it This relationships tonic and ean harm each percon's self worth [Narcissistic men, or men who only care about themselves, wll end up in relation ships sometimes, ut only with narciasistic and shallow women. Beth the narcissisticrman and woman will view each other merely a¢ ornaments to adom ther self absorbed lives. These relationships also are tonic. And these relationships also often ‘end poorly, Now all ths stuf sounds nice. But lets put this into conerete,real-word terms. Here are. couple samples. James is a nice guy. But he tends to be needy in his relationships and hes what we ‘would calla high level afinvestmant with any woman that he mests Whenever he dates a woman, he will rearrange his entire schedule at her whim. He will buy her gifts and spend most of hic paychack on te nicest dinners for her. He'll forge plans with his guy fiends and if che woman he datos gets angry, hell sit p>: ‘ently ang listen t2 her vert all af her Frustrations to him, agreeing with her con stanly ina file deaperntion that she may fel better Even when he feels that she's bei want he ‘As a result, despite caring for him, James's gfiends rarely respect him. And sooner ‘or later — usually sooner — they dump him, When James gets dumped, he becomes distraught and depressed. He's often inconsclable and drinke too much. Usually, he doesn't fel better again until he mects anoter woman and the entie cle repeats scl Then there's Jeff Jeff has been succesefl with women for his entie ie and has very low level of investment in therm until he's gotten ta know them well. Jaf enjoys ‘Boing out with his fiends and pays no attention to whether the women around hiem approve of him or not. At times, he says something weird or gets rejected, but it dosen'tbother him. But other times girls become quite atracted to Jeff. When Jef notices, if he finds them atraciva, he'll take their number and aek themn out. Whan he takee them our, hee tahoe them to the park down the strect from his fat. He then site there and chats ith them fora while and ifhe doesn't lie them, he'll excuse himself and leave. fhe oes lke them, he might take them to get icecream or check outa show with him. IF st any point she decides she doesn’ like him and leaves, Jeff domss't Sigures that he wouldn't have been happy with her anyway, so uby change himself ta please her? |e ends up sleeping witha lt of women. Hi hone is conetanty ringing with texte from them, but he only answers them when he has time or feels like it. He's never rude or nacty to them. But he only makes time for the ones he genuinely enjoys spending time with level of emotional investment James has hi the women he meets and dates Hels not confident. He is needy. immediately enslaves what litle of his identity he's aware ofto what he believes wil make wornen lke him. Jessa low level of investment. He's content with his life and proud of whe he ie He is confident and non-needy. Ifa woman doesn't appreciate tha, then he figures he's beter oF without her ‘Women, as if witha sits sense detect Jeff's lower level of emotional investment be- couse it informs all of his decisions and behaviors Jeff isa high selfesteens indi Vidual who takes care of himself and is re able to be himself around athers James is not Within moments of speaking to Jef, and often even before speaking to hr, women sense t ling to compromise that identity for her. This sub-communicates his high status to ‘not only does he have a strong sense of identity hes also un