Borderline Personality Disorder and Avoidant Personality Disorder through the Lense of Eternal

Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Rachel Thacker

Professor Putnam

PSYCH 2300

December 11, 2023

(Gondry, 2004) Hidden in plain sight individuals with personality disorders are living life just

like you and me. However, they live slightly outside of what our society believes to be “normal”

which means not only do they live differently but also experience love differently. I want to

delve deeper into Borderline Personality Disorder and Avoidant Personality Disorder. Both are

complicated disorders with their history, etiology, comorbidity, and even treatments. These

disorders affect real people who are trying to find their way in the world. Often these individuals

have to figure out how to navigate these disorders in an unforgiving world. So I want to try to

make this world a little more forgiving and familiarize ourselves with these disorders so they are

a little less alien.

First, let's define what a personality disorder is compared to a personality trait. Well,

personality disorders can be defined as “an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior

that deviates markedly from the norms and expectations of the individual’s culture, is pervasive

and inflexible, and has an onset in adolescence or early adulthood, is stable over time, and leads

to distress or impairment” (Bridley, Daffin, 2023) while personality traits are “enduring patterns

of perceiving, relating to, and thinking about the environment and oneself that are exhibited in a

wide range of social and personality contexts.” (Bridley, Daffin, 2023). What does this mean

exactly? It means that personality traits are how one perceives and relates to their environment

and themselves vs. personality disorders which are patterns of inner experiences that become

unyielding to what is considered societal norms. Also, personality disorders have four defining
features “distorted thinking patterns, problematic emotional responses, over or under-regulated

impulse control, and interpersonal (relationship) difficulties” (Bridley, Daffin, 2023). All of this

is important information to remember as we continue to learn more about BPD and Avoidant

personality disorder.

For more context on how these disorders are classified, the DSM 5 categorizes

personality disorders into three different cluster types based on the similarities between each of

the disorders. I will be focusing on Clusters B and C because that is where avoidant personality

disorder and BPD fall under respectively. Borderline personality disorder is under Cluster B

which consists of dramatic, emotional, and erratic disordered individuals. Those who fall under

this cluster have problems with impulse control and emotional regulation. Due to the dramatic

nature of Cluster B disorders, it is very difficult for individuals who are under this category to

establish and develop healthy relationships with others. Avoidant personality disorder falls under

cluster C which is characterized by anxious and fearful disorders. This cluster has many

comorbid anxious and depressive disorders respectively. Because of this, it is the cluster group

with the most treatment options.

Borderline Personality Disorder is characterized by instability in interpersonal

relationships and affect. Individuals who have BPD can be very loving and kind one day and

hostile the next. They are extremely afraid of being abandoned even if the abandonment is

imagined usually going to extreme lengths to avoid it engaging in suicidal and self-harm

behaviors to prevent any real or perceived threat of abandonment. Oftentimes they view

abandonment as something that they themselves did wrong. These individuals act out in hostility

even being viewed as volatile towards friends and family. These erratic self-harm behaviors are

incredibly dangerous since people with BPD are more likely to attempt suicide or succeed in a
suicide attempt compared to the general population. Women are more often diagnosed with BPD

than men. To top it all off Individuals with BPD also mention feelings of chronic loneliness and

emptiness.

Avoidant personality disorder is in stark contrast to individuals with BPD. While people

with BPD may behave outwardly and erratically those with avoidant personality disorder behave

more inwardly. They are afraid of being judged or perceived in a negative light often

experiencing extreme anxiety in social situations. These fears make it very difficult for them to

maintain a professional life as well as a personal or social one. Constantly in fear of being judged

by others makes it very difficult for them to open up to the world around them. Interestingly

enough both people with BPD and avoidant personality disorder have a similar driving fear

which is rejection. Abandonment is a form of rejection and Avoidants fear rejection more than

anything which is why it is so difficult for them to maintain any kind of social life. They also

struggle in intimate relationships due to their incessant fear of being rejected often feeling

inadequate and inept so they disappear into themselves.

The prevalence rate for BPD is 1.4% in the U.S. and 2.7% internationally (Bridley,

Daffin, 2023), As previously mentioned it is more common in women than men. Avoidant

personality disorder has a prevalence rate of 5.2% in the U.S. and 2.1% internationally (Bridley,

Daffin, 2023). Avoidant is also more common in women than it is in men. The most common

comorbid disorders with all personality disorders are mood, anxiety, and substance abuse. Major

depressive disorder specifically has a high rate in Cluster B and C disorders. Bipolar is most

common amongst cluster B disorders, as well as people who are diagnosed with schizoid

disorder and borderline are more likely to be diagnosed with one of the ten anxiety disorders.

Treatment options for BPD are DBT which stands for Dialectical Behavioral Therapy it is a form
of Cognitive Behavioral therapy that is meant to help reduce suicidal behavior, improve quality

of life, reduce therapy-interfering behaviors, and reduce PTSD. It helps individuals with BPD

develop better self-soothing skills, interpersonal skills, distress tolerance, and emotional

regulation. On the other hand due to the nature of Avoidants, it is difficult for them to stay in

therapy, while they may seek out help they will often end it abruptly due to fear of being rejected

in any way by the clinician. However, treatment options are similar to those with social anxiety

disorder or depressive disorders. Usually what is recommended is Cognitive behavioral therapy

which utilizes identifying challenging or distressing thoughts and teaching them how to

self-regulate.

Now that we have more of an in-depth understanding of what BPD and Avoidant

personality disorder are let's look at these disorders through the lens of Michel Gondry’s 2004

movie “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”. Gondry takes an empathetic look at love and

what it means to move on and forget someone you once knew. The film explores the relationship

between our two protagonists Joel and Clementine who decide to erase the memory of their

heterosexual relationship from each other's minds after a breakup. Joel has Avoidant personality

disorder and Clementine has BPD. Within the first few scenes it is very clear that Joel is

incredibly uncomfortable in social situations and settings he also appears to be very depressed

and lonely. He meets Clementine who comes across as very erratic and bold she almost appears

“crazy” to the audience. However, Clementine pursues Joel and he finds her a little odd yet

endearing. The goal of the movie is to show that ignorance is not always truly bliss. It could also

be interpreted that since even after breaking up and erasing one another from their minds Joel

and Clementine are always meant to be together since they end up coming back together again in

the end.
 Throughout the movie, Joel is extremely inward constantly thinking very dark and

dramatic thoughts. He is very quiet and introverted compared to the very loud and outgoing

Clementine. He is constantly worried about how others are viewing him and judging himself and

his relationship with Clementine as she has very little control over her emotions and displays

them publically with very little self-awareness. This behavior bothers Joel which makes sense

with his disorder since people with Avoidant personality disorder are very fearful of the way they

are being perceived and feel that they are often being perceived negatively. During a scene in a

Chinese restaurant, Joel is afraid of the way people are viewing him and Clementine, he feels

afraid that he is being viewed negatively by those around him and wonders if he and Clementine

are the “dining dead”, and being viewed as a couple you feel sorry for at restaurants. In the same

scene, Clementine attacks Joel for not cleaning the hair off the soap in the shower considering it

repulsive. Both lash out at each other Joel inwardly and Clementine outwardly. Throughout the

movie Clementine exhibits behaviors of extreme drinking and even drives intoxicated and ends

up wrecking Joel’s car this is the cataclysmic event that makes Clementine erase Joel from her

mind. Clementine's drinking is a sore spot in Joel’s and her relationship since Joel does not like

the way she acts when she gets drunk. Substance abuse disorder is a common comorbid disorder

with personality disorders especially BPD which is clearly shown in Clementine. Throughout the

movie, Clementine engages in extremely impulsive behavior often wanting to do things when

she feels like she should not taking into account how her actions may affect others. It is also

implied that she impulsively erased Joel from her mind after an intense argument after she

wrecked Joel’s car saying she just “wants to move on”.

During a scene where Joel and Clementine are talking Clementine confesses that she had

an ugly doll growing up she called Clementine, she would scream at this doll telling it to “be
beautiful” The point for this was if in her head she could transform this doll into being something

beautiful she could also transform into something beautiful. In the same scene, Clementine begs

Joel to “never leave me” (Gondry, 2004) showing that she is just as afraid of losing Joel as Joel is

of losing her. This memory of Clementine is one of Joel’s favorites as it validates his own desire

to be accepted and loved. It is very apparent throughout the movie that both Joel and Clementine

have extremely low self-worth and self-esteem, they both have a clear anxious attachment to

each other and rely on one another for validation and a sense of belonging. However, due to their

similar extreme fear of rejection, they end up failing to validate the other's fears. This is seen

most whenever Joel disappears into himself which causes Clementine to lash out at him for not

giving her more of himself. Their relationship is not what I would consider a healthy one

however, I feel that it is an accurate portrayal of two people with these disorders in a

relationship.

“Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” does a very good job of lending an empathetic

lens to these disorders and the individuals who have them. Portraying them in a psychologically

accurate way that does not over-dramatize or romanticize the disorders solely for entertainment

purposes. This movie is good at letting the story and the characters speak for themselves. It also

doesn’t make the movie center around their disorders letting their love story take center stage.

“Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” shows the good the bad and the ugly of a tumultuous

love between two extremely insecure people who so desperately just want to feel loved and to

feel a sense of belonging with one another. Michel Gondry does a good job of portraying the

most innate fear we all have; rejection and abandonment. To be loved is to be human and Michel

Gondry captures that with his characters and story.

I wasn’t sure if this movie would portray these disorders in a pleasant light but I was happy to

see that Michel Gondry did his research. Clementine and Joel are accurate depictions of their

respective disorders, not only that but they feel so real and human. Lots of time media uses

psychological disorders in a romanticized or dramatized way that makes people with disorders

seem almost cartoonish or dangerous. Media plays an important role in society and to say it

doesn’t have power over people's opinions is ignorant at best and dangerous at worst. I’ve

enjoyed researching these two disorders and I have learned so much about them through the

textbook and this movie. I know that all of us have the same insecurity no matter how you word

it, we are all human and the pursuit of love, acceptance, and happiness is what makes us human.
 References

Bridley A., & Daffin Jr. L (2023). Fundamentals of Psychological Disorders 3rd Edition

(5-TR) Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial. Module 13.

Steve G., Anthony B., Gondry M., (2004) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, United States,

Universal Studios.