Conflict Management/Resolution

Warm up
Start with a personal anecdote about a funny conflict you had with your
wife/boss/ neighbor
A conflict with your wife over children raising/ meal
Start your presentation with anecdote and tell how you arrived to an impasse

Today’s Precept:

“When given the chance between being RIGHT and being

KIND which would you choose? Being KIND”

To be right in a kind way

“When you focus on problems, you’ll have more problems,

when you focus on possibilities, you’ll have more
opportunities”

“You need to find loving critics, not uncritical lovers”

“when we change the way we look at things, the things we
look at change.”
It’s all about perspective

“Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it” Dorothy
Thomas
What words, feelings, and images come to mind when you think of conflict?
As a child, how were you taught to deal with conflict?
In your experience, what contributes to successful conflict resolution?
We were giving a presentation, then it’s feedback session, you received a nasty
remark from your classmate about your presentation, how would you react?
Ignoring ?
Reacting?
Take revenge?

“Not all conflict is destructive” What do think?

Think about a time when you had conflict with someone (friend/parent/teacher/
classmate) . I want you to think how that conflict made you feel. What’s one
word that describes how you felt?
Strangled?
All these are negative feelings. This is the natural response when we get in a
conflict

$=
A frequent job interview question is :
How do you handle conflict between team members?
“Tell me about a time you resolved conflict in a team”
“Tell me about a time you handled a difficult situation”
Remember: Your colleagues/coworkers are not your friends

"Don’t make the mistake of being so understanding and forgiving, that you overlook the fact that
you are being disrespected "
Never let anyone steps on your dignity

How does a toxic workplace look like?

Workaholic
List three issues conflict can lead to:
Avoid Avoiding Conflict
Conflict in the workplace is commonplace
Conflict is inevitable but destructive conflict is not inevitable
Conflict can end up in broken relationships and lost opportunities
The workplace is your second home /impressions
Change your mindset, change the game
Some behave like spoiled children rather than creative and productive
individuals
The saddest thing is that we all know that LOGICALLY, however, the frontal
lobe shuts down when one is EMOTIONAL.

Is conflict common more among men or women?

What types of conflicts could you encounter at work?
Most people think that disagreement is unkind
Under right conditions conflict brings energy to a team
Everybody has conflict, but nobody likes it
How many of you have conflict with someone? How many of you have ever
gone to that person and have a good discussion about the conflict you have with
them?
Most people when have conflict they don’t deal with it
Most of conflict is based upon misunderstanding/miscommunication
Our brain is designed for survival what Daniel Goleman calls the low road /fear
regulation/ or our fight-flight response
when we deal with difficult people we have this natural response . We don’t
think rationally /emotionally involved
Under stress we do not think clearly because our brain is reserving energy to run
Science shows that we are hardwired for likability/ we like to be liked/ we like
to hear I totally agree/ we are on the same page/it’s a culture: we seek out people
who see the world the same way and we avoid dissension because it feels
unconfutable
It’s all about diversity
‫رحم هللا عبدا أهدى إلي عيوبي‬

Conflict gets worse when you make the situation all about you; not from the
perspective of the other person / you give arguments with the primary goal of
winning : be RIGHT and prove the other person wrong
How would you feel/ or what your reaction would be when someone draws a
snarky comment about your project ?
Look for excuse on why this person is making this comment
Most people’s goal in a conversation is to prove that they were right and that the
other person was wrong. You need to think of what you need from this
conversation. Do I need to get this project done on time? Do I need to preserve
my relationship with that person? Or do I need to end this conversation and
move on with my life? Know your goal
Causes of Conflict
• Different cultural backgorunds
• Competitiveness
• Favoritism
• A clash of values
• Unclear job description and expectations

A common cause for communication breakdown is conflict avoidance

• Conflict can derail us
• Most people think that disagreement is unkind
• Under right conditions conflict brings energy to a team
• Everybody has conflict, but nobody likes it

Conflict could arise from a mismatch of intention and impact

It happens that we sometimes hurt each other unintentionally
High risk, high reward/gain

Team vs Group

Not all groups are teams

All teams are groups, but not all groups are teams
Group members : act as individuals
Team members: act as cohesive unit
Teamwork: "less me more us"
In pairs, define what teamwork is :
Teamwork is the process of working collaboratively with a group of people in
order to achieve a goal

How do you communicate with difficult people? Do you argue with them or do
you just remain silent and hope they go away?
When engaged in a conflict, we have a tendency to "push, push, push!"
One of the most important challenges we face in negotiating solutions to
conflicts is the need to resist the urge to push and, instead, make a special effort
to listen
Arm wrestling
 It is a natural, animal instinct to envision conflict as a simple dichotomy: me v.
you, us v. them, plaintiff v. defendant, the hero v. the villain, etc
Picturing conflict as a one-dimensional struggle between two forces allows us to
frame the conflict in an easy to understand way. If you're wrong, then I'm right.
If what I want is good, then what you want is bad. It is a tug of war between
two positions, and there are only four options for resolution: you win, I win, we
compromise (we both lose something), or we end in a stalemate.
Storming
The “dissatisfaction” stage of team development : when the team recognizes the
discrepancy between what is expected of them and the reality of getting it done

When people take full responsibility of their roles, they can work out the conflict
on their own
Blaming & finding fault happens when people function at a lower level of
maturity. This is called self-protective behavior. When people are self protective,
they are unlikely to collaborate together

If you are in a conflictual situation Impedes progression and productivity

In pairs, brainstorm situations in which conflicts might arise while working in a
team
eg working on a joint presentation

Disagreemnt helps you see the missing piece of the puzzle

Conflict Styles
What do you do when you’re feeling angry or upset with another person?
Do you go quiet and try to avoid an argument or do you slam doors, shout or
insult others or do you apologize to make peace even if you’re not in the wrong
or do you speak calmly and try to find a compromise???
Which conflict style do you most relate to?
No style is necessarily better than the other
How about practicing different approaches?

People react differently to conflict

Avoiding: People pleaser style/ agree when you actually disagree/avoid
confrontation
Freeze or flee in the face of conflict
Ostrich Effect: Are You Avoiding Unpleasant Information?

When you want to fix the problem go the source

Do not beat around the bush

Ostriches bury their heads in the sand when they sense danger assuming that the
danger will pass if they just avoid it long enough

Daniel Kahneman psychologist and economist notable for his work on the
psychology of judgement and decision-making, as well as behavioural
economics, for which he was awarded the 2002 Nobel Memorial Prize in
Economic Sciences writes in Thinking, Fast and Slow:

“Many of the options we face in life are mixed: there is a risk of loss
and an opportunity for gain, and we must decide whether to accept the
gamble or reject it…For most people, the fear of losing $100 is more
intense than the hope of gaining $150.”

research led to this conclusion: losses loom larger than gains and that people are
loss averse.

It’s this loss aversion that makes us prone to ostrich effect and avoid any
unpleasant information
Most individuals have a dominant style that they tend to use most frequently
• Conflict is a necessary and healthy element of all human relationships, but
it must be managed to prevent a toxic environment
• Conflict is a common occurrence on teams.
• conflicts are not necessarily a negative situation.
• Differences in opinion can allow for a healthy debate

Conflict can’t be eliminated, but minimized

Conflict management
Effective conflict management is about benefiting from conflict, not avoiding it
or shutting it down
A team must function like a well-oiled machine

How to Disagree Without Being Disagreeable

Navigating conflict is not just a work skill, it’s also a life skill
“It doesn’t always go well”
Conflict in the workplace can cause turnover, absenteeism, or it can even cause
projects to fail
So what needs to be done?
We can’t change people’s behavior
Coping mechanism
Most people do not swallow “Go Apologize”
The culture of gratitude
I can’t make somebody behave in a way that I want them to
We need to change how we talk to ourselves/ how we label others as
dififcult/stubborn/ aggressive
If e can’t change other people’s behavior the only thing we can change is our
behavior
Asking qs is one of the best ways to explain behavior Why does this person
behave in such a way?

Strategies
• Regulate the Conflict Temperature
• “Controlling emotions at each stage is essential to ensuring that the
conflict does not get out of control.
• Avoid the blame game
• begin statements with ‘I’ when you begin a sentence with ‘you,’ it can
make the other person feel attacked. example: “I feel overwhelmed when
there is so much work to do. I want us to accomplish this task together.”
• ready to compromise. in some arguments, the only way to move forward
is for both people to come to an agreement. we can’t always get our way.
• don’t badmouth someone to others. this will leave the other person feeling
betrayed. it will make a conflict worse if you spread details of a conflict
with others. it can also lead to the other person badmouthing you.
 • know when to apologize and forgive. it can be hard to say I’ m sorry,’
especially if the other person has also hurt you. but, saying I’m sorry,” can
help you to move forward.
• Neutralizing Emotions
Listen to your feelings and thoughts, but also consider why the other person
feels the way they do. You may not agree with them, but understanding their
point of view might help you communicate with them more effectively

There is a big difference between being liked and being respected

• Deal with relationships with minimal damage
• We need to be willing to suspend judgement
• Compassionate curiosity is the key to taming the lizard brain
• You behave in compassion and focus on addressing his acute emotional
needs : example
• Listen, I can tell you’re upset what are your biggest concerns ? what can
we do to help you?
• Attitudes towards conflict: denial /bury your head in the sand
•
• Many difficulties can be avoided by having a clarifying
discussion. Though people usually intend to do the right thing, sometimes
something gets scrambled or misinterpreted along the way, and the impact
is far from what they intended.

Self awarness

• Know your HOT BUTTONS.

• • Be aware of your CONFLICT ATTITUDE.
• • Recognize your FRAME OF MIND.

Consider the intent

• Are you trying to BE RIGHT or trying to SOLVE A PROBLEM?

• Change the narrative. It often does no good to “be right” in conflict. Be
willing to work with the other person to find a mutual solution, rather than
viewing the other person as the enemy who you need to convince your
case to.

What really matters ?

• Go one level deeper to explore what is really important to each person.
Avoid arguing about ‘what I want vs what you want’ – but ask the
question: “What really matters here?”

•
• The only way to know what someone intended is to ask them — and the
only way to let a person know their impact is to tell them. These
important conversations rarely happen, though, and we move through our
days in a tangle of misperceptions and actions based on incorrect
assumptions.
•

Compromise / Reconcile

• With compromising, ideas and suggestions are listened to and considered

by both sides before each side makes some compromises in order to move
forward. It usually involves some mutual respect and trust. Both sides
usually get something of what they wanted, but rarely everything they
wanted. It’s a give and take, where individuals “settle” on the dispute. It’s
not often that both parties are fully satisfied, despite knowing that fairness
prevailed. Good relationships are usually preserved through this conflict
resolution method.
• Agree to disagree
• In situations where compromise works best, it’s usually when both parties
hold similar negotiating power, such as co-workers, siblings, spouses, etc.
The best opportunities to compromise are when we know that we won’t
be delighted with the outcome, but that the issue is important enough not
to walk away from (avoid) or give in to the other person (accommodate).
when we see conflict dynamic in a two-dimensional space it can help us see that
there may be additional options for resolution. In a two-dimensional model of
conflict there are significantly more options both for resolution and problem-
solving.

• Listen for feelings first, then facts

• As conflict often involves high emotions, active listening can help to
discharge some of that emotional energy and lead to more fruitful
dialogue.
• While it might be tempting to vent to other people and try to get them on
your side, this can inflame conflict and cause polarization or “camp
building.”
• Keep the circle small: address the conflict when small
• Separate the person from the problem.
• agree to disagree to agree not to argue anymore about a difference of
opinion
• When you agree to disagree, you accept that neither of you is going to
change the other’s mind. That’s when you stop arguing and move on
• Give& take approach
• Don’t get defensive: in any conflict, whether it’s professional or personal,
we all feel the urge to rush to our defense
• Try using phrases such as “I understand what you mean and that’s a valid
point Signal that you respect your opinion even if you don’t agree
I statements
• “You never listen to anyone, and you’re not really listening to me now”
vs
“I feel that my concerns are not being heard”

I feel that my rights have been violated in stead of

You have violated my rights

Team Contract
Create a chart/ agreed &signed by ____________

Brainstorm some possible conflicts that might arise within your team
• A group member who disagrees all the time
• A group member who does not meet deadlines
• A group member who is very sensitive to feedback
• Teacher Bias and Its Impact on Teacher-Student Relationships: The
Example of Favoritism
• Grading student work

Scenario 1: A team member is consistently late for project meetings, increasing

frustration and resentment amongst the other team members. How would you
address this?
• Seek to understand: “I’ve noticed you are often late for our team
meetings. Can you help me understand why this is the case?”
• Communicate to the team member: “I feel that your tardiness
interrupts the productivity of the meetings and is seen as inconsiderate of
other people’s time.”
 • Ask how you can support the team member and have them provide
suggestions of what they can do to address the issue. You can also propose
changing the time of the meetings to accommodate all schedules

Scenario
There's a new project that you really want to work on but the project is given to
someone else on your team
Can you create some I statements you might use to try to resolve the conflict?
Scenario 1: A team member is consistently late for project meetings, increasing
frustration and resentment amongst the other team members. How would you
address this?
Seek to understand: “I’ve noticed you are often late for our team meetings.
Can you help me understand why
this is the case?”
Communicate to the team member: “I feel that your tardiness interrupts the
productivity of the meetings and is seen as inconsiderate of other people’s time.”
Ask how you can support the team member and have them provide suggestions
of what they can do to address
the issue. You can also propose changing the time of the meetings to
accommodate all schedules

In a group of four or five, students brainstorm a possible conflict that might arise
within their group. They then use conflict resolution cycle to resolve the
conflict:
• 1 Describe the situation
• 2. Analyze the situation: What possible factors led to this conflict?
• Brainstorm some solutions
• 3. Plan action: Decide on the best solutions to apply
Impasse : a difficult situation in which no progress can be made because the
people involved cannot agree what to doSYNONYM deadlock

Island survival

Break up groups into teams of five to 10 people. Then read them a scenario that
describes how they have been stranded on an island following a shipwreck and
that they discover items washing up on the shore. Give them a list with 20 items
and explain they are allowed to keep only five. They then have to work together
to identify which items they’ll keep. After everyone is done, each team presents
to the other groups which items they kept and why. Not only does this activity
help team members practice communication skills, but it also leads to improved
cooperation and teamwork.

Scenario
You work in a large NGO and on the team that you supervise there are 12 people
one of whom, John, is viewed as arrogant, controlling, and undermining of the
rest of the team impacting morale and productivity. As the supervisor you need
to meet with John to provide him feedback. What will you way and how will
you say that?
Play the beat activity:
Sing a single line over and over
“sometimes people are going to be mad at you and that’s okay
Go to 13:50
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MnaLS7OE2pk

Choral repletion row by row

Next one sings it with making movement
Mantra: a word, phrase or sound that is repeated again and again, especially
during prayer or meditation
Why type of food do you feed your brain?