Identify Triggers

If you’ve gotten into the habit of losing your temper, take stock of the things
that trigger your anger. Long lines, traffic jams, snarky comments,
or excessive tiredness are just a few things that might shorten your fuse.

While you shouldn't blame people or external circumstances for your inability
to keep your cool, understanding the things that trigger your anger can help
you plan accordingly.

You might decide to structure your day differently to help you manage your
stress better. Or, you might practice some anger management techniques
before you encounter circumstances that you usually find distressing. Doing
these things can help you lengthen your fuse—meaning that a single
frustrating episode won’t set you off.

Consider Whether Your Anger Is Helpful or

Unhelpful
Before you spring into action to calm yourself down, ask yourself if your
anger is a friend or an enemy. If you’re witnessing someone’s rights being
violated or you are in an unhealthy situation, your anger might be helpful.

In these cases, you might proceed by changing the situation rather than
changing your emotional state. Sometimes, your anger is a warning sign
that something else needs to change—like an emotionally abusive
relationship or a toxic friendship.

Being angry might give you the courage you need to take a stand or make a
change.

If, however, your anger is causing distress or hurting your relationships,

your anger may be an enemy. Other signs of this type of anger include
feeling out of control and regretting your words or actions later. In these
situations, it makes sense to work on tackling your emotions and calming
yourself down.

Recognize Your Warning Signs

If you're like some people, you may feel like your anger hits you in an
instant. Perhaps you go from calm to furious in a heartbeat. But there are
still likely warning signs when your anger is on the rise. Recognizing them
early can help you take action to prevent your anger from reaching a boiling
point.

Think about the physical warning signs of anger that you experience.
Perhaps your heart beats faster or your face feels hot. Or, maybe you begin
to clench your fists. You also might notice some cognitive changes. Perhaps
your mind races or you begin “seeing red.”

By recognizing your warning signs, you have the opportunity to take

immediate action and prevent yourself from doing or saying things that
create bigger problems. Learn to pay attention to how you're feeling and
you'll get better at recognizing the warning signs.

Step Away From the Triggering Situation

Trying to win an argument or sticking it out in an unhealthy situation will
only fuel your anger. One of the best anger management exercises is to
remove yourself from the situation if you can.

How to Control Anger Immediately

Walking away from a triggering situation can be an excellent way to take

control of your anger. When a conversation gets heated, take a break. Leave
a meeting if you think you’re going to explode. Go for a walk if your kids
upset you. A time-out can be key to helping you calm your brain and your
body.

If there’s someone that you routinely get into heated disputes with, like a
friend or family member, talk with them about the importance of taking a
time-out and resuming when you're both feeling calm.

When you need to step away, explain that you aren’t trying to dodge difficult
subjects, but that you’re working on managing your anger. You aren't able
to have a productive conversation or resolve conflict when you’re feeling
really upset. You can rejoin the discussion or address the issue again when
you're feeling calmer.

Sometimes it helps to set a specific time and place when you can discuss the
issue again. Doing so gives your friend, colleague, or family member a sense
of peace that the issue will indeed be discussed—just at a later time.

Talk Through Your Feelings

If there’s someone who has a calming effect on you, talking through an issue
or expressing your feelings to that person may be helpful. It’s important to
note, however, that venting can backfire.

Complaining about your boss, describing all the reasons you don’t like
someone, or grumbling about all of your perceived injustices may add fuel to
the fire. A common misconception is that you have to vent your anger to feel
better.

But studies show you don’t need to “get your anger out.”3 Smashing things
when you’re upset, for example, may actually make you angrier. So it’s
important to use this coping skill with caution.

Likewise, if you’re going to talk to a friend, make sure you’re working on

developing a solution or reducing your anger, not just venting. It's unfair to
use them as your go-to sounding board. Instead, you might find that the
best way to use this strategy is to talk about something other than the
situation causing you to feel angry.

How to Help Someone With Anger Issues

Get in a Quick Workout

Anger gives you a rush of energy. One of the best anger management
exercises is quite literally to exercise and engage in physical
activity.4 Whether you go for a brisk walk or hit the gym, working out can
burn off extra tension.

Regular exercise also helps you decompress. Aerobic activity reduces stress,
which might help improve your frustration tolerance. 4 Additionally, exercise
allows you to clear your mind. You may find that after a long run or a hard
workout you have a clearer perspective on what was troubling you.

Focus on the Facts

Angry thoughts add fuel to your anger. Thinking things like, “I can’t stand it.
This traffic jam is going to ruin everything,” will increase your frustration.
When you find yourself thinking about things that fuel your anger, reframe
your thoughts.

Instead, think about the facts by saying something like, “There are millions
of cars on the road every day. Sometimes, there will be traffic jams.”
Focusing on the facts—without adding in catastrophic predictions or distorted
exaggerations—can help you stay calmer.5

You also might develop a mantra that you can repeat to drown out the
thoughts that fuel your anger. Saying, "I'm OK. Stay calm," or "Not helpful,"
over and over again can help you minimize or reduce angry thoughts.

5 Reasons Why You Can't Let Go of Resentment, According to Therapists

Distract Yourself With a New Activity

Ruminating about an upsetting situation fuels angry feelings. If, for example,
you’ve had a bad day at work, rehashing everything that went wrong all
evening will keep you stuck in a state of frustration.

The best way to calm down might be to change the channel in your brain
and focus on something else altogether.

Telling yourself “Don’t think about that,” isn’t always successful. The best
way to mentally shift gears is to distract yourself with an activity. Do
something that requires your focus and makes it more challenging for angry
or negative thoughts to creep in.

Some examples might include deep-cleaning the kitchen, weeding the

garden, paying some bills, or playing with the kids. Find something to do
that will keep your mind occupied enough that you won’t ruminate on the
things upsetting you. Then, your body and your brain can calm down.

Breathe and Relax

There are many different anger management exercises that involve
relaxation. The key is to find the one that works best for you. Breathing
exercises and progressive muscle relaxation are two common strategies for
reducing tension.6

The best part is, both exercises can be performed quickly and discreetly. So
whether you’re frustrated at work or you’re angry at a dinner engagement,
you can let go of stress quickly and immediately.

It’s important to note, however, that relaxation exercises take practice. At

first, you might not feel as though they’re effective, or you might question
whether they’re going to work for you. But with practice, they can become
your go-to strategies for anger management.
Acknowledge Your Underlying Emotion
Sometimes it helps to take a moment and think about what emotions might
be lurking beneath your anger. Anger often serves as a protective mask to
help you avoid feeling more painful emotions, like embarrassment, sadness,
and disappointment.

When someone gives you feedback that’s hard to hear, for example, you
might lash out in anger because you’re embarrassed. Convincing yourself
the other person is bad for criticizing you might make you feel better in the
moment because it keeps your embarrassment at bay. But acknowledging
underlying emotions can help you get to the root of the problem. Then, you
can decide to take appropriate action.

For instance, if someone cancels plans on you and your underlying emotion
is disappointment, you could try explaining how the cancellation makes you
feel rather than lashing out in anger. When you're honest about your
feelings, you're more likely to resolve the issue. Responding in anger usually
doesn't accomplish anything except pushing people away.

Avoid Suppressing Your Anger

Getting to the underlying cause of your anger is much more effective than
suppressing your anger. Though it can be tempting to try to minimize an
undesirable emotion, you are likely to cause even more stress by denying
your anger altogether.

Create a "Calm Down" Kit

If you tend to come home from work stressed and take out your anger on
your family, or you know that workplace meetings cause you a lot of
frustration, create a calm down kit that you can use to relax.

Think about objects that help engage all your senses. When you can look,
hear, see, smell, and touch calming things, you can change your emotional
state. So a calm down kit might include scented hand lotion, a picture of a
serene landscape, a spiritual passage you can read aloud, and a few pieces
of your favorite candy. Include things that you know will help you remain
calm.

You also might create a virtual calm down kit that you can take everywhere.
These are things that you can call upon when needed and are more portable.
For instance, calming music and images, guided meditation, or instructions
for breathing exercises could be stored in a special folder on your
smartphone.

Get Advice From The Verywell Mind Podcast

Hosted by therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind
Podcast shares some techniques that can help you relax.