The Masking Regulator

Masking is an extremely complex, multi-faceted defense mechanism that

develops in response to explicit behavioral control exerted by others and/or self-
imposed rules and regulations learned through observation. That is, some
aspects of a person’s mask may be taught directly by others through
educational goals, parenting, classroom rules, and behavioral shaping. While
other aspects of the mask may develop as the person observes others and
learns to navigate and survive an environment.

Masking can take many forms and everyone’s mask is unique depending on the
person, their family life, cultures to which they belong, neighborhood,
experiences, and much more. In general, however, we often describe a mask
as a set of complex memorized equations that strictly dictate all the
behaviors, processes, actions, and interactions of a person. This means that a
person uses energy simultaneously to squash down what is natural and
authentic as well as to bring forward more unnatural and inauthentic behaviors,
words, and styles for the comfort of everyone else in the environment and at the
expense of their own well-being, safety, regulation and mental health.

The process of masking can be all encompassing and also all consuming.
Indeed, an educational career and lifetime of carrying out this process with the
belief that it is necessary just to exist in the world with others is a recipe for a
mental health nightmare. There is much research now showing the detrimental
effects of masking on autistic people. Thus, many neurodivergent affirming
methods and frameworks have begun to pay attention to masking to truly
understand when and where it may be happening! Realization and
acknowledgment that masking is a reality for many is fantastic, but it often
leaves professionals and autistic people wondering where to go next, how
to understand what is the mask and what is truly their person, and how to
unmask and live authentically.

The Masking Regulator aims to assist in facilitating this process. It should be

noted that unmasking is a privilege. Some will never be in a position to want to
or be able to unmask. That being said, even those privileged enough to unmask

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will often face a very challenging journey. A mask is often built up over years and
years of explicit teaching and careful observation and learning to survive, and
it will not simply fall to the side and shatter to pieces when someone recognizes
it.

This regulator presents aspects of socializing, social situations, people, and

environments in which an individual may engage. It asks the individual to reflect
on those things in which they engage or participate and rate what that activity or
situational component does to their energy, and how much they like it. In some
cases, it also asks the individual to rate, how much it changes their energy or to
reflect about their understanding of it and / or ability to contribute to it.

By identifying those things/people/topics that the person likes, feels confident

they understand and/or can contribute to and those things that do not severely
drain or over-amp the person, we may get a sense of what is truly authentic to
them that they are already doing. Likewise, those things that are disliked,
draining or extremely ampy, and that the person does not feel they understand
or can contribute to but that they are participating in may be some of the most
foundational parts of their mask. Things that the person likes but currently have
high energy demands or lack understanding may be places for peer and/or
person education as well as activity and environment modifications. The
last page of the tool is designed to help consolidate this information and
provide general suggestions for what one might do with the information.

The Masking Regulator comes with four pages prefilled with ideas of actions,
behaviors, tools, strategies, and things pertaining to the social and including
some blank spaces for individualization. Included are also the same four pages
with all blank spaces. As mentioned, masking is highly individualized, and our
prefilled form is just to get you thinking. There may be many cultures for which
our prefilled ideas greatly apply, and you will only need to add a few things here
and there. There will be many more cultures for which most of our ideas will not
apply and you will have to think through the aspects that matter where you are
and for the groups with which you identify.

This tool is meant as a starting point to begin to think about what the mask is
and what is the authentic self. It is not a comprehensive guide to unmasking and
that journey will be different for everyone. We cannot predict what that process
will look like, but we hope to provide a concrete place to start.

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 Items to be Rated Do I ever do this? How exhausting (or not) is it? How much I like it… How comfortable is it?

Yes / No / IDK Draining Neutral Energizing Yuck Okay Awesome Not at all Somewhat Very

Talk with others about other people

Talk with others about current events / pop culture

Talk with others about a topic of interest

Playing games with others

Play sports with others

Watching movies / TV / shows / YouTube, etc.

with others

Doing classwork / projects / work tasks with others

Eating meals with others

Going outside with others

Going to an event (show / concert / festival /

conference / play / etc.) with others

Coloring, crafts, art activities with others

Being with others as you each do what you like to

do

Playing at recess / break times

Inviting others to your home to play / hang out

Getting invited to someone else's home to play /

hang out

Family gatherings
]

Parties and larger gatherings

Live online gaming with others

Social Activities
Playing music with others

Listening to others talk about other people

Listening to others talk about current events / pop

culture

Listening to others talk about a topic of interest (to

them)

Engaging in meaningful conversation

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 Do I find myself in
Items to be Rated How exhausting (or not) is it? How much I like it… How comfortable is it?
this situation?

Yes / No / IDK Power Down Neutral Power UP! Yuck Okay Awesome Not at all A little A lot

In a large group gathering

In a small group gathering

In a one-on-one gathering

With family

With classmates, peers / coworkers

Around neighbors

With teammates

With people older than me

With people younger than me

With teachers

In activities with rules and structure (e.g., games)

In unstructured activities (e.g., lunch)

With animals

With unfamiliar people

With known beings

With known, highly trusted beings

With coaches / counselors / instructors

In online forums

In-person forums

Situational / In my own home

Contecxtual
Components
In other people's homes

In public / community settings

Alone time

Talking to myself

Engaging with my passions (alone)

With support staff

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 Does this topic
Items to be rated How exhausting (or not) is it? How much I like it… How much I understand it or feel I can contribute
come up?

Yes / No / IDK Draining Neutral Energizing Yuck Okay Awesome Not at all A little A lot

Gossip about people I know

Movies (plots, characters, ratings, desire to see, etc.)

Music (songs, artists, quality, ratings, insturmentation,

lyrics, etc.)
Sports (statistics, players, games, events, strategy,
etc.)

News / current events

Celebrity / hollywood gossip

Clothing / fashion / trends

Sexual atttraction

Sexual relationships

Ideas, inventions, creations

Problem solving / brainstorming

Fictional worlds and characters

Non-fiction / facts / data / information

World cultures and travel

Weather

Fantasy / Sci-Fi / UFOs

]

Latest viral videos

Memes

Planning for future / career

Topics of Interest

Other people's daily happenings (e.g., what your

sibling or friend did today)

Inside jokes

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 Items to be rated Do I do this? How exhausting (or not) is it? How much I like it… How much (if any) recovery is required?

Yes / No / IDK Draining Neutral Energizing Yuck Okay Awesome None Some A lot

Letting other people decide

Always deciding what everyone will do

Openly stimming

Using planned discreet stimms

Ensuring I cannot or will not stimm at all

Being silent because I am unsure how to participate

Being silent because I cannot keep up with the conversation

/ activity

Agreeing to do things with others because I feel I have to

Agreeing to things I think I want to do with others but cannot

do once they happen

Agreeing to do things with others and looking forward to

them

Researching various social situations ahead of time

Reshearsing chunks of text, speech, or ways of acting I can

use in conversations with others

Dominating conversations / activities

Relying on others to talk for me

Connecting with others through topics I know really well

Cancelling plans

Cancelling / ghosting people

Using peers or characters to plan how I want to act

Avoiding attention

Social Tactics Going with the flow to not stand out

Smiling and nodding regardless of my true thoughts /

opinions / ideas

Making jokes, talking out, or distracting or disrupting when

topics are not understood

Ignoring

Hanging in conversations when I have no interest

Hiding my own interests and passions

Imitate body language I see others who are liked use

Minimize how much discomfort I show

Hanging in interactions that feel uncomfortable to me

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 Do I ever do
Items to be Rated How exhausting (or not) is it? How much I like it… How comfortable is it?
this?

Yes / No / IDK Draining Neutral Energizing Yuck Okay Awesome Not at all Somewhat

Social Activities

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 Do I find myself
Items to be Rated in this How exhausting (or not) is it? How much I like it… How comfortable is it?
situation?
Yes / No / IDK Power Down Neutral Power UP! Yuck Okay Awesome Not at all A little

Situational /
Contecxtual
Components

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 Does this topic How much I understand it or feel I can
Items to be rated How exhausting (or not) is it? How much I like it…
come up? contribute

Yes / No / IDK Draining Neutral Energizing Yuck Okay Awesome Not at all A little A lot

Topics of Interest

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 Items to be rated Do I do this? How exhausting (or not) is it? How much I like it… How much (if any) recovery is required?

Yes / No / IDK Draining Neutral Energizing Yuck Okay Awesome None Some A lot

Social Tactics

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 Disliked, Uninteresting,
Liked, Comfortable, Low Energy
Uncomfortable, High Energy Liked but High Energy Demand
Demand
Demand

Activities /
Places

People /
Contextual
Components

Conversational
Topics /
Social
Tactics

Other

• Try to carve out time for • Be aware of these factors. • Peer education.
these people, activities, • Share this information with • New skills or knowledge
places and topics. others. for you/the person.
• Use aspects of these • Evaluate the necessity of • Trial various activity
interactions and activities to these situations and modifications and
plan and try out new and interactions. accommodations to see if
unfamiliar situations (if • Eliminate unnecessary energy drain can be
desired or necessary). energy drains from daily minimized.
IDEAS FOR • Share this information with routines. • Be aware of your/the
NEXT trusted partners; make it • Explore ideas and options person’s limits and keep
STEPS: known to those coworkers, for accommodations ONLY track of how much
peers, family members and when it is absolutely non- engagement is too much!
community members with negotiable that you/the • Plan recovery strategies
whom you/the person person engages in it (e.g., for the activity.
interacts regularly. health and safety related). • DO NOTHING if you / the
• DO NOTHING if you / the • DO NOTHING if the you / person is not
person is not comfortable person is not comfortable comfortable moving
sharing this info. moving forward in this forward in this way.
way.

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