Narcissistic Personality

Disorder

10 Signs of Narcissistic
Personality Disorder and
How to Handle or Avoid that
Hell
Table of Contents
Dedication
Introduction: What you will Learn
Chapter 1: Self-Centered and
Charming
Chapter 2: No Reliability and
Immediate Gratification
Chapter 3: Breaking Rules and a
Sense of Entitlement
Chapter 4: Using People and Putting
them Down
Chapter 5: Tantrums and No
Commitment
Chapter 6: How to Handle or Avoid a
Narcissist
Conclusion
Copyright 2016 by Fidelma Rafferty - All rights reserved.
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Dedication

Hello, I am a 47 year old practicing

psychotherapist. As a therapist, I have listened to
countless stories from patients who have lived
with narcissists in their daily lives. These range
from narcissistic spouses, children, and bosses.
It’s no secret to me the havoc that living with
someone with narcissistic personality disorder, or
even begin around them often, can have on a
person. I became interested in this subject in
particular as a result.

Due to my experience, education, and guiding these

patients through these difficult times, I have gained
a lot of valuable insight into the way narcissists
function. Through this insight, I have constructed
methods for spotting these behaviors early on,
identifying the causes behind them, and techniques
for dealing with them.

It is my hope that my knowledge can help you with

your struggles dealing with a narcissistic person. I
would like to thank you for allowing me to share
my experiences with you. Let’s work through these
issues together.
Introduction: What you will Learn

I want to say thanks and congratulations for

downloading this guide, “ Narcissistic Personality
Disorder: 10 Signs of this Personality Disorder
and How to Avoid that Hell ” .

What does Research tell us about Narcissists?

Research from the Mayo Clinic says that
narcissistic personality disorder is a mental
dysfunction that is defined by a deep-seated need
for people to admire them, along with an over-
inflated idea of themselves and their importance.
People who have this disorder think that they are
better than other people and don ’ t have much
regard for how people other than them may feel.
However, this mask is only a fa ç ade that hides a
vulnerable, insecure, and fragile person. A
narcissist hides behind the illusion of being better
than others, arrogant, and conceited.

But what if you don ’ t know for sure whether the

person you ’ re involved with is actually a
narcissist? In this book, we will explain 10 telltale
signs of this disorder. Although some may have
slightly narcissistic tendencies or personality
quirks, dealing with a full blown narcissist is
something different. In some cases, disengaging is
quick and relatively simple, but in others, that is
not possible. The first thing to accept is that this is
not about you, but about them. Where should you
go from here?

The Solution to the Problem:

Anyone knows how much of a toll being close to a
narcissist can play on your own sense of self-
worth and happiness. It doesn ’ t matter how
careful you are, or how gently you speak with
them, some people with this disorder simply live
in denial and refuse to change. This may lead to the
need for you to disengage from that person for
good, or at least set up some healthy boundaries.
For some of you, however, this might not be a
viable or realistic option. Deciding to never speak
with your parent or sibling again could be difficult,
and it isn ’ t exactly possible to cut off all ties with
the father of your children, at least not without a
heavy price to pay. These costs come in pain,
emotional loss, escalating stress, and even legal
repercussions. However, it ’ s not safe to keep
opening yourself up to someone with no regard for
your feelings. What should you do, then?

It ’ s about Management and Protecting

Yourself:
This book and path is about managing the issue, not
necessarily forcing someone to change. In some
cases, you might decide to cut that person out of
your life, while in others you might have to
construct methods for coping. Protecting yourself
should always be your goal, first and foremost.
Interact with them less, if this is possible, the way
you would react to any other toxic and unhealthy
relationship. But you may benefit from learning
some easy and simple rules and strategies, which
chapter six of this guide will cover. Since the most
important step to take, at first, is knowing exactly
what you ’ re dealing with, let ’ s start there.

I hope this guide helps you discover what you need

to know, and thanks for reading!
Chapter 1: Self-Centered and
Charming

People who have narcissistic personality disorder

look down on those around them, believing that
they are superior to others. In some cases, they
actually think that they are better than others, but in
most cases, they are trying to make up for their
own vulnerability, weaknesses, or lack of self-
esteem. A narcissistic person is more likely to
cause others to feel negatively about themselves.
These are the types who can turn a negative
judgment into a full on insulting sentence or
behavior with the flick of a switch. When this
happens to you, you should always see it as proof
of the type of person they are, and not related to
you at all.

Although all people can be found guilty of

engaging in the following actions at least some of
the time, a person with narcissistic personality
disorder is in this mode most of the time. In
addition to this, the disorder is characterized by or
noticeable as their default persona, and the fact that
they are typically unaware of how these actions
and behaviors harm the people around them.

Sign Number One of a Narcissist: They can’t

stop Talking about Themselves.
Everyone enjoys talking about themselves, and
their interests. After all, that’s the subject we all
know most about; ourselves. But one of the
simplest ways to decide whether you are dealing
with a narcissist is to listen to how they talk.
Someone who has pathological narcissism loves
speaking about themselves, usually in grandiose or
exaggerated ways. They also tend to prefer
dominating conversations, and lost interest when
the conversation veers away from them. Here are
some typical topics of conversation that a
narcissist might bring up:
Their Achievements: A narcissist loves to
talk about their own accomplishments, and
show off proof of what they have achieved.
They might direct attention to their trophies,
during a social gathering at their place, for
example, or interrupt someone mid-sentence
to share about an award they won at work that
day. They want you to admire them, so they
will try to gain this admiration any way they
possibly can. In some cases, if you don’t
comply with this desire, they may resent or
attack you. Other narcissists may simply
respond in a passive-aggressive way.

“Impressive” Activities: Narcissistic people

enjoy bragging about activities they did that
might inspire envy in others. While in a group
of friends, they might steer the conversation
repeatedly toward something they engaged in
that could be seen as impressive, such as sky
diving, or telling a person off at the grocery
store. When they recount events that happened
in the past, it’s often clear that they are over-
exaggerating what happened in a way that will
make them look better.

A Habit of “One-Upping”: Ever meet

someone who responds to every anecdote you
tell with something that is intended to come
across as better than what you just said? A
narcissist seemingly can’t help but try to “one-
up” people by trying to say something more
impressive than the other person just said.
This is because they are always caught up on
being admired by other people.

Obsession with Looks: Narcissists have a

fragile sense of self, hidden behind their
arrogant façade, so they tend to be overly
concerned with how they look, or collecting
materialistic objects. They might pay a lot of
attention to how expensive their belongings
are, or be obsessed with making sure they
 constantly look good. In addition to this, they
are often concerned about the looks and
material objects of others.

Everyone has had at least one encounter with

someone who can’t stop speaking about
themselves, seemingly forever. As soon as a
person like this is given a chance to tell something
about themselves, they won’t stop, and obviously
don’t care to hear your opinions or ideas. On the
off chance that they do, it’s typically just to find an
excuse to launch into another monologue about
themselves, and often comes across as insincere.
These people hog the attention of every talk they
have, which can be frustrating.

Considering the signs of narcissistic personality

disorder listed above, it’s obvious why narcissists
enjoy bombarding you with information about
themselves, constantly. This type of person must
always shift the focus onto their own selves while
engaged in conversation. They might also do this
by lending you some supporting responses, as a
hope to not come across as rude, but then simply
start talking about themselves again. Of course, it’s
natural and normal to share information about
yourself, but when you fail to direct the talk back
in order to give the other person or people a fair
shot to share, it’s a sign of narcissism.

Sign Number Two of a Narcissist: They are

Charming on the Surface, but…
A deep-seated need to be the center of attention is
backed by over the top confidence, which can lead
many to believe that a narcissist is charming and
attractive. Surrounded, often, by associates and
friends who admire them, and inside a bubble of
positive feelings about themselves, they might feel
good about themselves most of the time. A person
with narcissistic personality disorder can be
romantic and charming, but it comes at a cost. But
they are quick to get offended, and emotionally
immature. This leads to issues with anyone who
gets closer to them.

Living with a Narcissistic Husband:

In my practice, I once had a patient with a
narcissistic husband. He lavished expensive gifts
on her, took her out to the fanciest
restaurants, and impressed her with his
authoritative position at a law firm. But something
was missing from their connection; emotional
intimacy. He seemed to think that giving her gifts
and taking her out was enough to keep her
satisfied, and that no more effort was required on
his part. He believed that these gifts and his charm
were enough to keep her devoted to and sexually
interested in him. As a result, their marriage began
to fail. She had a very hard time accepting this,
until she found out about his disorder.

Many narcissists may seem attractive and alluring,

particularly when you first meet them, and they are
putting on their best face to impress you. If you
aren’t vigilant or observant about them, they might
have you completely ensnared, leaving you
wondering what exactly you can do. Here are some
tactics that a narcissist may use in order to win
your affection and admiration:
Putting Forth Charisma: Similar to a person
who is great at sales, they employ tactics of
charisma to impress you and grab your
attention. They may speak or act outlandishly
and seem to thrive off of the focus they get
from this. Another client of mine, Julia, met a
new friend at a party. This person seemed to
be the ultimate conversationalist. Exceedingly
interested in everything she had to say, the
new friend gained Julia’s interest and
companionship. But there was a problem.

As soon as these two companions began

spending more time together, Julia discovered
that her new friend was only friendly and
 putting her best face forward in the presence
of an audience. As soon as Julia got to know
this person more, she found that they were
cold and unavailable. In essence, they were
only interested in talking about themselves.

Flattery or Gifts: A narcissist is often the

master of winning your affection, and they
will attempt to secure this by many different
means. One of these means is flattery or
excessive compliments. They might also try to
win you over by giving you gifts or taking you
out.

Keep in mind that although the person may seem

charming at first, they want something out of the
arrangement, and that is why they act this way.
Soon after you have fallen for them or decided that
they are a great friend, they will begin trying to
persuade you to fulfill their wishes. Their motives
could be anything from you propping up their self-
esteem, to manipulating you into doing things for
them. Although there isn’t anything wrong with
acting romantic or charming, a narcissist perfects
these qualities with the intention of using people.
They are not actually interested in you, but simply
wish to use you to fulfill their needs.
The Narcissist’s Reaction to Perceived
Threats: Studies have shown that those with
narcissistic personality disorder turn
aggressive toward people any time they feel
rejected or threatened socially. I once
counseled a teenager, Jeremy, who couldn’t
understand why one of his classmates was
terrorizing him. Essentially, another boy at
school would bully him relentlessly,
especially when there were other peers
present.

After getting to know Jeremy better, I found

out that he was a star swimmer at his high
school. His bully had been thrown off the team
earlier that year for having grades that were
too low. It became clear that his classmate
was using narcissistic tactics to try to
diminish Jeremy’s success, which he was
clearly threatened by. Once Jeremy
understood the emotions and insecurity
driving the actions of his bully, he was no
longer as bothered by his words, which had
previously kept him up at night.

An Inability to Handle Criticism: In

addition, they are unable to handle a bad
evaluation or negative feedback. Studies show
that someone with narcissism will criticize
whoever gave them the negative critique.
These types of people believe that their own
gains are most important when it comes to
power or achievement. On the other hand,
when someone has a healthy level of self-
esteem, without narcissism, they focus on
goals that benefit everyone, not just
themselves, and seek to get along with people.
 An Immature Reaction: Most narcissists
will react in an extremely immature way to
being criticized, even when the criticism was
perfectly reasonable and wasn’t meant as an
attack. You might, for example, suggest that
your friend be on time when you meet them for
lunch. Instead of remaining neutral or saying
that they will work on this, the narcissistic
person will immediately get defensive and
even insulting or hostile toward you for
suggesting that they are not perfect. This can
be very frustrating and exhausting to deal
with, over time.

The majority of people, when tested, rate their own

traits as better than those of others. They are
focused on their own accomplishments and sense
of self, while people who have ordinary levels of
self-esteem think about how much people like them
as a person. The reality is that narcissists prefer to
denigrate other people, both when they perceive a
threat, and when they don’t. For most of them, this
appears to be automatic behavior and seen as
normal.

Dealing with a New, Narcissistic Relative:

A client of mine from a couple years back was
very disturbed by his sister’s apparent need to
berate people, both behind their backs and to their
faces in social settings. This also extended to him
and was slowly but surely poisoning their
relationship. As children, the two siblings lived in
separate households due to their parents’ divorce,
so it wasn’t until they were adults that he saw how
narcissistic she really was.
With my training, he was able to accept that
spending too much time with her was having a
detrimental effect on his self-esteem, and began
placing healthy distance between them. This was
no easy task, since he had been looking forward to
the bond he would establish with his sister who
was, essentially, a stranger while growing up.
Using tactics that I helped him devise, which we
will cover in the last chapter of this book, he was
able to gain his confidence back.
Narcissistic Views of Others: Narcissistic
people are typically far more judgmental than
others about people, in general. Their view of
self requires seeing other people as flawed or
inferior to them. This is how they get their
sense of self-importance.

Healthy Views of Others: Someone with

average or higher self-esteem levels
perceives people in a favorable light,
typically. They do not rely on negative or
disempowering comparisons to prop up their
self-love.

As you can see, being involved with someone who

displays these traits can be extremely harmful.
Intuition is an important indication of encountering
someone who may be a narcissist or at least have
those harmful tendencies. If you meet someone new
who seems perfect in every way, but have a strange
feeling about them and the amount of compliments
they give you, it’s probably for a reason. Trust your
intuition and feelings.
Chapter 2: No Reliability and
Immediate Gratification

Narcissism is not just a mixture of rudeness and an

overblown sense of self. Since this is a type of
personality, it can be anything from a quirk in
someone, to a serious medical problem, involving
unexpected or counterintuitive actions. The
mythological story of the man called Narcissus
was about a handsome man who didn’t care about
the outside world, and instead preferred to look at
himself forever in reflective water. Narcissists in
the real world, however, need the validation of
others to prop up their self-esteem. It isn’t about
needing people to like them, but about needing
people to admire them. In fact, research has proven
that narcissists will sacrifice the chance to be liked
for a chance to be admired.
Not every narcissist out there is dislikeable or
obnoxious. Actually, a lot of them are appealing
and charming, while others simply have deep
wounds that they are trying to hide. The issue here
is that typically, it’s hard to stand even speaking
with them. Why is this? Here are some more signs
that you are dealing with a narcissistic person.

Sign Number Three of a Narcissist: They are

not Reliable.
A person with narcissistic personality disorder is
not reliable and can rarely seem to follow through
on their agreements or promises. There appears to
be a clear divide between what they say they
believe, and how they actually act. This is
because, oftentimes, they are only telling you what
they believe you want to hear.
Breaking Dates or Appointments: If you
have a friend or partner that can never seem to
make it to dates or appointments you guys set,
you could be dealing with a narcissist. This is
 not necessarily an indication of narcissism on
its own, but when paired with other signs on
this list, it’s a red flag.

A Lack of Emotional Dependability: It isn’t

just a lack of physical presence that shows a
person might be narcissistic, but also a lack of
being available to you emotionally. If you go
through a hard time and call your friend or
partner, and they appear to have no sympathy
or intention to help you out, it’s a sign they
might have this disorder. A narcissist
promises to be there one moment, and
disappears the next.

When you begin to notice that you don’t believe a

word your friend, partner, or relative says, it’s a
safe indication that some distance might be
preferred. Do you recognize these signs but still
feel uncertain about whether you are dealing with a
person with narcissistic personality disorder? A
great place to start is paying attention to what
someone says and what they do. Once you begin to
notice a regular pattern of this person being
inconsistent, it’s safe to start being concerned. We
will cover healthy ways to deal with a narcissist in
the last chapter of this book.

Sign Number Four of a Narcissist: Instant

Gratification drives their Actions.
It’s possible, also, to have a narcissistic parent.
One of my clients, who was a grown man named
James, was still struggling with this as an adult. He
had lived with a mother who needed to see results
right now, every time, and it wore on James over
time. Year after year, growing up, he received
nothing but pressure and threats of punishment from
his mom about his grades, sports performance, and
even chores at home. This ended up in nearly
debilitating anxiety for James, that he had to attend
quite a few therapy sessions to uncover.
Many narcissists, due to their self-absorbed and
conceited nature, wish for or expect to be
immediately gratified. They have a hard time
waiting for results, and prefer to get everything
right now, or as soon as possible. Patience is not
their strongest quality, to put it simply. Let’s look at
a few examples of this:
Pressure to Answer them Right Away: If
someone has trouble accepting the fact that
you take a while to answer their calls or texts,
it could be a sign that they are narcissistic. Of
course, it also could be a sign of neediness or
insecurity, but when this action is paired with
others in this book, it’s a red flag. A patient of
mine ended up marrying her high school
sweetheart, who we will call Anthony. When
they attended school together, he was sweet
and seemingly perfect, treating her with
nothing but respect.

But he had some worrying personality

characteristics which would end up showing
fully much later when they had already been
married for a few years. The first sign my
patient saw that worried her was the fact that
her husband would become frantic, and at
times enraged, if she didn’t remember to call
him back during the day. She was busy
studying for med school, so it’s understandable
that such a thing would slip her mind, but these
reasons weren’t enough for him.

Wanting to give her high school sweetheart and

who she believed to be her true love a chance,
my client decided to look past this. They were
married not long after these worrying signals
first appeared, and after a while, she realized
that she was married to a narcissist. The
abusive relationship ended up with her taking
therapy, at her wits end.

Social or Personal Pressure: Narcissists

often ignore the discomfort they cause others,
pressuring them to go along with the way they
 want things to be. This could take the form of
pressuring you sexually, or in interpersonal or
social situations, such as conversations with a
group of friends. I had a client a few years
back who was married to a narcissistic
woman. She would withhold sex from him as
a way to get him to do what she wanted.

She forbade him from wearing certain clothes,

and even instructed him to cut contact with
some of his family members. This went on for
a few years during their marriage, until he
sought counseling with me. Desperate for
affection from his selfish wife, he put himself
through hell trying to do what she wanted, but
even that wasn’t enough. Their marriage ended
when he caught her cheating on him. I taught
him to gain his confidence back and also
watch for signs of this in future partners.

If the above points appear to fit, but you still aren’t

sure of whether or not you’re dealing with a
narcissist, try this test. Next time they ask you to do
something for them, or request something from you,
tell them you need time to think about it, or politely
say no. If they respond by trying to persuade you at
all costs, unrelentingly, or show immediate signals
of anger or irritation, note this. It’s important to not
blame yourself for their actions.
Another client of mine, Rob, had an aunt who
would bully him into telling her information about
his mother, the aunt’s sister. Rob was only a young
teen when this happened, and was helpless to fix
the situation and the growing wedge that was being
created in his family. He struggled with guilt over
this for years and was able to get through it with
my help. Narcissists love to get between people,
even their own family members. Thankfully, this
can be helped when you discover their tricks and
tactics and how to protect yourself against them.
Chapter 3: Breaking Rules and a
Sense of Entitlement

A narcissistic person does not always believe that

guidelines apply to them, only everyone else. They
believe, oftentimes, that they are the exception to
everything. This takes the form of not adhering to
rules or even personal boundaries that others set
up.

Sign Number Five of a Narcissist: They Break

Rules and Violate Boundaries.
A narcissistic person might enjoy the thrill of
violating social niceties, rules, or even laws. They
are seemingly unable to accept that they should
respect the order put in place. Here are some
examples of a narcissist violating boundaries or
breaking rules:
A Lack of Social Respect: They might cut
people in line at the store, refuse to tip the
waitress, or simply shove someone out of the
way while walking down the street. They
don’t typically stop to think about how these
actions could hurt others, and instead do it
because it’s what they want. They see
strangers as anonymous people that just don’t
matter, and often view those close to them in a
similar way. Until someone can do something
for them, they feel no need to be polite or
respectful.

Breaking Professional Rules: A narcissist

does not always have the most professional of
ethics, even at work. This could take the form
of acting inappropriately with a client at work
(by asking for their phone number, or insulting
them in a passive aggressive manner), or
taking things from the office because they can.
Going on to brag about these actions later is
another sign.
Overstepping Personal Boundaries: Ever
 have someone come up and talk to you and
invade your personal bubble, seemingly
oblivious that they were overstepping your
personal boundaries? This is how narcissistic
people behave. They don’t care about the
thoughts, space, time, or possessions of
others. They will use people and overstep
boundaries with a complete lack of sensitivity
or even consideration. In some cases, they
might even be proud of this.

A person with narcissistic personality will often

feel as though any attention is good attention. They
might get a small thrill from people reacting to
their inappropriate behavior, because it means they
are getting noticed. There is a certain level of
pride that comes along with violating the rules, for
the narcissist.

Sign Number Six of a Narcissist: They feel

Entitled to Everything.
In my practice, I have counseled parents who are
raising a narcissistic child. In one case, a father
came to me about his daughter who was displaying
signs of narcissistic personality disorder. She was
getting into trouble at school, cutting classes,
bullying other girls, and even vandalizing school
property. He and his wife were at the end of their
rope and sought my help with this problem. She
was suffering from a sense of entitlement, which
many narcissistic people naturally have. Dealing
with a family member who feels entitled can be
difficult, since it’s in our instincts to care for those
who are related to us, but protecting yourself
against a narcissist’s tactics is a must for living a
mentally healthy life.
This point is similar, in nature, to the previous
sign. A narcissist feels entitled to breaking rules,
violating space, and often expects to get treated
preferentially by those around them, just like the
daughter I mentioned above, who caused her
parents a lot of stress and strife.
 A Lack of Reciprocation: They fully expect
that others will immediately cater to their own
personal needs, without feeling the need to
reciprocate. Oftentimes without even
communicating it to you beforehand, they will
fully expect you to know what they want, and
deliver it. They might also appear baffled or
confused by your wish to have the same favors
done in return. Again, this type of person’s
main concern is only with themselves.

I have seen this time and time again in my

therapy sessions. A person gets married to a
narcissist, ignoring all of their intuitive signs that
it’s a bad idea, and end up being burned by that
person due to the fact that their narcissistic
spouse refuses to meet their needs. In one
memorable case, a middle aged client of mine
named Rebecca came to seek counseling from
me after her narcissistic husband left her. The
reason he gave was that she didn’t meet his
needs well enough.
To an objective outside party, and especially to
me as a therapist, it was obvious that she had
done all she could to be a good wife, cooking,
cleaning, and taking care of their children until
they were grown. But nothing was enough to
satisfy her narcissistic husband’s wishes. He
could never be satisfied and sought only to
blame her for their issues. This, of course, ended
up bringing their marriage to an end. This could
have been prevented if she had known which
signs to look out for before marrying the man.

Inability to be Considerate: The narcissist

seemingly doesn’t know how to be
considerate toward others, because they
simply don’t think about it, most of the time.
Do you repeatedly notice your friend or
partner cutting others off in conversation,
making a mess that they know they won’t have
to clean up, or getting angry at strangers for
minor issues? This is a sign that they have
 narcissistic personality disorder, especially
when this is how they commonly act.

A patient of mine had a best friend who she

had known since childhood. Even though the
relationship was clearly unhealthy, my patient,
Sonja, felt powerless to end their friendship.
Sonja’s childhood friend would constantly
berate her in front of people, interrupt her mid-
conversation when they were in social
settings, and had even stolen a few of Sonja’s
boyfriends in high school.

Sonja wanted to be the bigger person and forgave

her spiteful friend time and time again, all the
while wondering what the problem was. She
blamed herself and felt repeatedly victimized by
her friend, wondering what she was doing wrong
and trying to improve their relationship. She ended
up needing to cut ties with this friend, and with my
therapy, was able to move past it in a healthy
manner.
In the mind of someone with narcissistic
personality disorder, they are the most important
person in the entire world. For example, notice the
way your friend or date acts toward support staff
or service workers. If they order the person around
and treat them like a subpar person, or complain
excessively about tiny flaws in the waiter’s
manner, be on red alert. They could eventually
direct this sense of entitlement toward you, both
emotionally and physically.

My clients usually point out to me that they had

noticed signals in their narcissistic friend, boss, or
parent long before being victimized by them, and
had ignored those signals. These people, trying
their best to be good friends or spouses, put aside
their own judgment. In one memorable example, a
male client of mine described his girlfriend. She
was friendly to most people, but when it came to
service staff, she was so rude that it embarrassed
him when they went out in public together. It
wasn’t long before he was the one being
victimized by her insults.

I was able to help this client see that it wasn’t his

fault, but her nature, that hurt their relationship.
After being with her for a while, his sense of self
had been beaten down quite low. It took some time
for him to realize that he was not flawed beyond
the ability to have a healthy relationship. After a
few sessions, I helped him to see that he had been
the victim of a narcissist and was perfectly
capable of moving onto a healthy and loving
relationship with someone else. He has now been
married for a few years to a selfless and kind
woman.
Chapter 4: Using People and
Putting them Down

The narcissistic person has absolutely no qualms

with using others to get what they want. They don’t
necessarily have no morals, but the fact is, they
usually don’t care as much about others as
themselves. Let’s look at some examples of this.
Sign Number Seven of a Narcissist: They Use
People for their Own Gain.
A narcissist might, for example, use their
significant other to fulfill needs that are
unreasonable or unnecessary, to fulfill ambitions
that were never met, or to mask what they perceive
as flaws or inadequacies in themselves. Since they
are typically incapable of having meaningful or
committed relationships, they see relationships
with others as a way to boost their own self-
esteem and image. Here are some red flags:
Their Requests always have a Catch: As
mentioned earlier in the book, narcissists are
capable of doing nice things for others, such
as giving gifts or compliments, but it comes
with a catch. In order to spot the narcissists
around you, you have to pay attention to their
actions following what they say. If they flatter
you relentlessly all day long, they are
probably going to ask you to do something for
them later that day.

Making others Jealous: Have you

encountered a friend or partner who seems
preoccupied with making people jealous?
This may have been directed at you, such as
showing you off to their friends, or something
you observed them doing with another person.
A person with a healthy sense of self-esteem
does not feel the need to make others jealous,
and if someone seems obsessed with this, it’s
a definite sign that you might be dealing with a
narcissistic person.
 Talking about What they will Get from a
Situation: A narcissist is usually caught up on
the gains they are receiving as a result of
something in their life. For example, they
might receive a promotion at work and go on
and on about the status they will gain from it,
or how great they will look in the bigger
office. Everyone enjoys talking about
situations that benefit them, but if someone
does this relentlessly and regularly, it’s a sign
of narcissistic personality disorder.

Sign Number Eight of a Narcissist: They have a

Habit of Putting others Down.
For a narcissist to come across as superior, and
hide their fears of inadequacy and insecurities,
they often engage in putting down other people. In
their minds, this makes them come across as
acceptable and desirable in the eyes of others, by
comparison.
Negative Descriptions: People who are
 targeted by a narcissist might be described as
“clueless” managers, “inferior” people, or
“flawed” friends or exes. The way they
describe others is nearly always from a place
of perceived superiority. Many different
people have had narcissistic bosses. In fact,
this is one of the most common issues I deal
with surrounding the issue of narcissistic
personality disorder. In one case, I counseled
a woman who was working under a female
boss that acted entirely inappropriately at
work. This boss appeared to enjoy making her
employees look foolish, even in front of
customers.

My client felt especially victimized by this

narcissistic boss, which contributed heavily to her
daily anxiety. Once I was able to help this client
see that it was the nature of her boss and the
disorder that was the issue, and nothing about my
patient that was causing the issue, she experienced
a significantly lessened amount of anxiety
symptoms in her day to day life. It isn’t uncommon
at all that people who are forced to encounter
someone with narcissistic personality disorder end
up developing symptoms of anxiety.

It’s simply stressful, exhausting, and in many cases

downright unhealthy to be around someone who
has no regard for anyone but themselves,
particularly when that person is a close confidant
or in a position of authority over you. Realizing the
nature of this personality disorder will help you
avoid these situations and handle them correctly
when you find yourself stuck in them.
Offensive “Jokes”: When you first begin
getting to know someone with narcissistic
personality disorder, you might notice that
they pour romance over you and compliment
you constantly. But even in these stages, notice
when they passive-aggressively comment or
joke about what you’re wearing, how you
spend your time, or your personal background.
 Think about what ways they might be cutting
you down or insinuating that you should
change.
I had a client named Steve who had grown up with
a narcissistic mother. His mother appeared to
enjoy poking “fun” at him, making fun of his
attributes, such as his thin physique. Steve carried
these insecurities from his mother’s insulting and
supposedly harmless “jokes” into adulthood. He
learned to associate love with insult. When he was
old enough to marry, he met a woman who
appeared to express affection in the same way that
his mother had.

When this woman made fun of his career, the

clothes he chose to wear, or the way he cut his
hair, he mistook it for a signal of love. He didn’t
realize, at the time, that this was harming his self-
esteem and causing him a lot of distress. Growing
up with a narcissistic parent can teach us unhealthy
patterns and leave us unable to decipher what
counts as healthy or unhealthy behavior. We may go
on to repeat these relationship patterns, which
create dysfunction, until we finally learn how to
break the cycle. Learning more about narcissistic
personality disorder is a great place to begin.

No one enjoys being on the other end of a joke or

comment that is insulting, whether it’s from a
childhood bully, or your boss at work. Even when
you try to ignore these words, they may stay in your
mind, leading you to wonder if you really are
worthless, unattractive, or unintelligent. You may
also believe that people who are being insulting
toward you don’t mean to be that way, and don’t
wish to be mean. You might even think that it’s a
gesture of affection or humor, especially if it’s
coming from someone you love.

While some of these comments don’t leave a mark,

others can haunt you for years. You might never be
able to move past a comment from your mother-in-
law about your ability to achieve your career
dreams, even if your achievements have changed
drastically years later. Insults lead you to feel
defensive, stressed, and negative, which can lead
to a slew of issues. Luckily, the majority of people
don’t need to spend their time trying to hurt you or
insult you, and this trait seems to belong mostly to
people with narcissistic personality disorder.
They do not have Strong Empathy:
Someone with this disorder or these
tendencies might not realize the impact of
what they say and do, because their empathy is
underdeveloped or, in extreme cases, not
existent at all. This does not, by any means,
excuse their behavior, though. For a person
involved with a narcissist, it hurts even if you
understand why they do it.

I have yet another example of the negative

effects caused by a narcissistic boss. A client
of mine came to me with symptoms of
depression and insomnia. They had a manager
who refused to care about their personal life,
 and would often ask them to work overtime
every single week. My client, too polite and
hardworking to say no to his boss, ended up
working himself into exhaustion. This boss
would frequently berate his
employees and cared only for herself.
From what my patient told me, none of the
employees there realized that they were working
with a narcissist, and the manager’s disorder was
so severe that everyone who came into contact
with her suffered because of it. I was able to help
my client discover what he needed to do, which in
this situation meant quitting his job to get away
from his narcissistic boss. His symptoms vanished
as soon as he left this unhealthy position and he is
now working somewhere that makes him happy.

They Judge Everyone: The important thing

to realize about a narcissistic person is that
they judge all people that they encounter, so it
isn’t a personal attack against you. However,
 this is not a good reason to tolerate their
behavior. Realizing this can help you
disengage from what they say or take it
personally.

Narcissistic friends often try to distance their

victims from their other friends. For example, one
patient of mine had a narcissistic girlfriend who
forbade him to see any of his buddies again. The
reason for this was unclear, but she never had
anything nice to say about his friends, and
eventually gave him an ultimatum; it was either her
or his friends. He chose her, and later regretted it
when he came to discover that he had been the
victim of someone with narcissistic personality
disorder. It took him some time to gain back his
friendships, but he was much happier when he
realized what had happened and got his life back
on track. He has now vowed never to get involved
with someone like that again.
Starting to understand how the qualities of a
narcissistic person work, it’s simple to realize why
they can hurt people with what they say. But most
people see narcissistic personality disorder as a
serious mask for feeling inadequate and vulnerable
in the world. If this view is correct, the narcissistic
person insults or brings down other people in
order to prop themselves up. In a situation where
they feel under threat, they are more likely to make
insulting comments, to call attention away from
their own flaws and shortcomings.
Chapter 5: Tantrums and No
Commitment

A narcissistic person often throws tantrums, or acts

like a petulant kid when they don’t get what they
wanted to get. Most people grow out of this phase
after leaving their teenage years, but for a person
with full blown narcissistic personality disorder,
this is a default way to act and live. It doesn’t
matter how much it harms others, since they care
only for themselves and their own concerns and
wants. Although none of us are perfect in this
world, and we are all guilty of acting immaturely
from time to time, this is a regular pattern in a
person with narcissistic personality disorder.

Sign Number Nine of a Narcissist: Negative

Reactions to not Getting their Way.
The majority of narcissists cannot stand being
rejected or disappointed, leading them to react in
an over the top, extremely negative way in
reaction. This is quite easy to spot once you know
what to look for. This will happen any time they
feel like they are not getting what they deserve,
exactly when they want to get it. Here are some
examples of reactions they might display:
Angry Outbursts: This includes throwing a
temper tantrum, judging others in a negative
way, attacking people personally, and
ridiculing them. They might even fly into a
rage unexpectedly, over something that doesn’t
seem like a big deal to anyone else. This can
be anything from not getting the order they
asked for at a restaurant, to being cut off in
traffic, to losing a date with someone they
were hoping to get to know.

I counseled a young girl who was suffering at

the hands of her own mother, a narcissist with
severe road rage. Although these tantrums
were not directed at my client, they still
affected her and scared her a lot. Even being
in the presence of a narcissistic outburst can
be harmful, so it’s best to protect yourself
from these situations or avoid them, when
possible. My client ultimately decided to go
and live with her dad, and she became much
healthier on a mental level, after this decision.

The Passive-aggressive Reaction: This

could take a few different forms, including
ignoring you or giving you a cold shoulder,
withholding affection or love from you, being
sarcastic, or avoiding you altogether. The
passive-aggressive approach doesn’t always
involve overt name-calling or outbursts, but
relies instead on trying to make you feel bad
indirectly. This is a way of throwing a fit that
doesn’t use overt outbursts or anger to get the
point across. The goal is to make you feel
guilty, and to let themselves off the hook for
their own behavior. This can be very harmful
to your wellbeing if you aren’t careful or
don’t know how to spot it.

Passive aggression can hurt from someone

close to you almost as much as overt
aggression. Narcissistic parents often deliver
criticism to their children using the passive
aggressive technique. When the child is too
young to understand what this means, it can
severely damage their self-esteem. I counseled
more than one teenager who was struggling
with this, and helped them gain the mental
strength they needed to protect themselves
against this narcissistic tyranny.
I helped a young man learn to stand up in a
healthy manner to his narcissistic father and
gain his sense of self-respect on his own rather
than relying on emotional validation from a
narcissistic parent. Instead of coming home
and expecting his dad to validate him for his
performance at school, he built his own self-
esteem. This can be done, in situations where
you have live with a narcissist. In chapter six,
 I will go over some tactics for protecting
yourself against this type of behavior.

Coercion on an Emotional Level: This

would mean blaming you, trying to put a guilt
trip on you, or accusing you of being
something such as ungrateful. They might try to
pull the victim card and threaten you in some
way. At all costs, a narcissistic person will
shift the blame to you, no matter what is going
on. Even when attention is called to something
they did wrong, they are unable to admit or
even see that this is true. This is a method for
protecting their own ego, and often causes
harm to those around them.
This is most commonly seen by me in
narcissistic spouses. I had a woman come into
my office who had been married to an
emotionally manipulative and coercive man for
30 years, and getting healthy again emotionally
was no easy task. Being victimized by a
narcissist on this level can be very harmful and
 damaging, particularly when it occurs over a
long period of time. In fact, if you are subject to
this over the course of years, you may start to
doubt your own sanity, in extreme cases. Being
married to or in a close relationship with a
narcissist can often leave you at your wit’s end
and even, in some cases, develop into symptoms
of anxiety or depression.
This sign is actually quite easy to spot, once you
know what to look for. Once someone makes their
objectives clear, and doesn’t get what they wished
for, how do they react? If any of the above
reactions fit, you should be on guard against this
person in your life and learn to recognize the signs
of what they are doing.
Sign Number Ten of a Narcissist: Avoidance of
Commitment.
If you are dealing with someone you believe to be
narcissistic, who you have been going on dates
with for a while, and they refuse to commit to you,
this could be a red flag. Many different reasons
exist for why your partner is refusing to commit.
While some of these reasons are worth considering
and reasonable, others might be the result of selfish
intentions. When a narcissist refuses to commit, its’
because they want to gain all of the advantages that
come from intimacy with you (sex, someone to talk
to and hang out with, and more), while staying
available to what they view as other potential
opportunities.
Narcissists Hurt Everyone Around them:
It can be confusing when you’re romantically
interested in someone who appears charming and
affectionate toward you, but doesn’t want to take
the relationship any further after some time has
passed. I have seen many of my patients suffer
because of this type of situation. One client even
needed therapy because he watched his mother get
victimized by a narcissist who refused to commit
to her. In this case, the man who refused to commit
was verbally and even, at times, physically
abusive to his mom, when he was a young child.
As an adult, he was still suffering from memories
of this. The moral here is that narcissists hurt
everyone around them, even the ones they don’t
directly victimize.

The good news is, if you are involved with

someone who displays traits of narcissistic
personality disorder, there are skills and strategies
you can use to restore respect, balance, and health
to yourself. In the next chapter, you will learn
exactly how you can keep your composure, remain
proactive, and consider your needs without getting
trampled on. This may involve cutting the person
out of your life, but that is not absolutely necessary,
and there are ways to continue being around them
without sacrificing your own sanity and happiness.
Chapter 6: How to Handle or Avoid
a Narcissist

Interacting with someone who has narcissistic

personality disorder can be tedious, draining, and
at times, downright painful, particularly if you are
gaining nothing from it. You can begin with seeing
if there are any areas that you can change your
perspective on. Although you may not like the idea
of changing yourself, particularly when the one
with narcissism should change, it might be a good
place to start.

Accept that you Can’t Change them:

The hard reality here is that it’s impossible to
change someone else, and trying will only hurt you.
What you can start with is changing the way you
see the situation. For example, you can view your
interactions with the narcissistic person as a way
to train your mind in areas of self-control,
patience, and general focus. Since listening to a
narcissist at work can be so draining, this is a great
chance to improve yourself.

Assess the Situation Realistically:

The next step is to assess this situation in a
realistic manner. How unacceptable is this
person’s behavior? Are they exhibiting mild
symptoms of this disorder, or severe symptoms?
How are they affecting you? What were you like
before you met them? Depending on your answers
to these questions, it might be necessary, for your
own good, to cut off all contact with this person.
Let’s assume, next, that this isn’t possible for you.

If you Must Interact with a Narcissistic Person:

If you don’t have a choice but to be around this
person, there are a few ways that you can protect
yourself from their ways, and come out relatively
unscathed. Here are some examples:
Lower your Expectations: When you are
dealing with someone like this, having high
expectations of them is only setting yourself
up for disappointment. Part of realistically
assessing the situation is realizing that they are
going to care about themselves first and
foremost, and others second.

Resist Challenging them: Unless you are in a

situation where they can cause you harm,
resist confrontation with a narcissist. In some
situations, such as a person invading your
personal space, you will have to put your foot
down, but in conversation, it’s easier, at times,
to simply let them run the show.

These steps are not the best way to approach a

narcissist in every situation, but they can be helpful
when you feel like avoiding a lot of drama. These
work best if the narcissist in question is someone
you have to work with, or someone your friend is
dating.

Tips on Ending a Talk with a Narcissist Quickly:

However, if you find yourself stuck talking to a
narcissist and simply want the conversation to end,
use these techniques:
Stick to Boring Topics: If you are stuck in a
talk with a narcissist, it helps to talk about
boring subjects, repeating your ideas over and
over using different words.
Give yourself a Limit: When you know you
must be engaged with someone like this, plan
ahead of time to only talk with them for 20
minutes or a half hour, then leave.

Here is a helpful secret for you that will help you

navigate a narcissist; people with this disorder do
not gravitate toward losers, but instead pick the
brightest and best to victimize. A narcissistic
person wins their confidence by choosing a person
who is successful, attractive, and confident, and
lowering their self-esteem over a long time period.
Needy people do not present enough of a challenge
for a narcissist, and looking at it this way, the fact
that a narcissist is drawn to you shows that you are
capable and above average. This is a positive
thing.

Regain your Sense of Confidence:

Now is the best time to regain your sense of self-
confidence, which the narcissist may have either
stolen from you, or attempted to steal from you.
This begins with getting confident again. If your
plan is to stay involved with the narcissistic
person, you have to wear this sense of confidence,
in order to ward off the digs, manipulation, and
insults they attempt to hand to you. This is simply
the way narcissists function, and it’s unlikely to
end. When you are confident, you can realistically
assess what they are saying and see that it isn’t
true.
Take Time to Yourself: Spending plenty of
time alone to recharge will help you build
your confidence back up. Find out what makes
you feel good about yourself, and pursue those
activities. This could be taking walks by
yourself at least once or twice a day, picking
up a new activity, or even volunteering to
work with animals nearby.

Surround Yourself with Positive Friends:

Replace the energy that was drained by being
around the narcissistic person in your life by
spending time with positive influences and
friends who lift you up. Being around positive
people goes a long way, especially if you’re
used to only being around someone who tears
you down or is full of negativity and self-
serving talk.
Don’t Engage in their Tantrums:
The next step is to learn how to say “no” to the
tantrums this person throws at you. Enduring anger
is never a fun activity, regardless of who the angry
person is, but when a narcissist gets mad, it’s a
different level.
Unspoken Negativity: Keep in mind that this
anger doesn’t necessarily have to be
something spoken aloud, even a simple
disgusted look can affect you negatively.
Someone who is narcissistic has a special
ability to hurt others simply by entering a
room while in a bad mood.

Resist the Temptation to “Fix” it: This

anger, and the way it affects you, can lead to
you wanting to fix that in order to avoid the
negativity, but you have to teach yourself how
to stop engaging, and walk away instead.
Someone with narcissistic personality
disorder will get mad if you correct them,
disagree with them, or simply because they
wind blows by. This is how they control other
people, and you have to end this by walking
away.

Stop Arguing with Them: As soon as the

narcissistic personality starts arguing, their
sense of wrong and right goes straight out the
window. They will accuse, make outlandish
or crazy claims, or twist your words to fit the
point they are trying to make. Their arguments
will be incomprehensible and confusing, but
don’t get intimidated by what they are saying.
See it, instead, for what it is. As soon as you
can do this at will, it becomes a lot easier not
to let it get to you.
Get your Independence Back: The very first
thing a person with narcissistic personality
disorder will attempt to take from you is your
independence. It’s crucial for you to either get
this back if you lost it, or maintain it if you
 still have it. Start up a business from home,
begin studying a new subject, or get a day job
if you usually stay home, if you live with the
person. If you don’t, start seeing them less.

Quit Blaming Yourself: Next you need to

realize that this is about them, not you. It is
never your fault when a narcissist attempts to
manipulate or belittle you. At times, people
can get into a bad habit of self-blame for
whatever the narcissist has been doing. This is
a tempting trap that can be hard to resist, but
don’t do it. It can be alluring to think that if
only you acted correctly, you would never be
treated like this again. But accept that this is
their personality, their problem, and has
nothing to do with you.
Narcissists thrive on drama, blaming other
people for their actions, and convincing
everyone around them that they were never in the
wrong. A narcissist might even accept a portion
 of the blame, only to turn around and put it onto
someone else more easily. This is easy to see
through, as soon as you recognize the behavior.
Never Trust them: A narcissistic person has
gotten so good at and comfortable with being
deceitful, that they will lie even when there’s
no solid reason to do so. Deception and lying
are the main way they know how to
communicate. This type of person will look
you straight in the eye and say that the sky is
green, even when it’s obviously blue. If you
wish to survive this type of person, you have
to start looking out for yourself, never
allowing yourself to fall into the latest
deception they have cooked up.
It’s Possible to Survive a Narcissist:
It’s perfectly possible for you to survive
interactions with a narcissistic person, as long as
you know what you’re dealing with. If you
recognized a few of these signs, you should
definitely be on guard. If possible, disengage from
the person altogether, and if not, accept that a
relationship with a narcissist is bound to be toxic
and unhealthy. They are, most of the time, simply
incapable of caring for others in a genuine or
healthy way, and if you look closely, you’ll always
see a selfish or insecure motive behind their words
or actions. Hopefully the ideas and concepts in this
book made you feel empowered and ready to take
on your situation with confidence and a poised
state of mind.

You aren’t crazy, and you are not alone. When

living with or dealing with a person with
narcissistic personality disorder, it’s hard not to
feel beaten down. But once you start recognizing
these patterns of behavior, and their negative
effects on you, you can begin standing up for
yourself, and what’s right. You are always in
control of what you allow to bother you and bring
you down, and fostering a healthy relationship with
yourself is the first step to beating this struggle.
Once you decide to do it, it’s only a matter of
staying true to yourself and committed to receiving
respect.
Conclusion

Thanks for checking out this guide to narcissistic

personality disorder.

I sincerely hope that this guide will help you to

identify whether or not you are dealing with a
narcissist in your life, along with giving you
concrete and actionable steps for dealing with the
situation.Even if you don ’ t know a narcissist
already, the signs given in this book will help you
know how to spot them.As we mentioned in the
book earlier, you might be able to simply leave the
situation and stop talking to the person, but in other
scenarios, this isn ’ t possible. My hope, with this
guide, was to give you the tools to find the right
path for you, whether that means cutting off contact,
or protecting yourself.
Kindly please leave honest review here.
Also if you ’ d like to get more info about this
disorder click link below;
Narcissistic Parents.
Thank you and good luck in your journey!