Revision Matrix

1.
Text from my initial A comment or The changes I made How this change
WP 1 concern I received impacts my paper
(from Professor)

The concept of social The introduction is The concept of social This made my paper
media emerged in the too long. media emerged in the more concise and
late 1900s with the late 1900s and has summarized
constant evolution of become an integral information that was
technology and the part of daily life for crucial to the
internet, becoming a many. Social media introduction of the
prevalent part of serves various paper in a more
everyday life for purposes, including efficient way.
many. Social media entertainment,
serves various education, social
purposes, including networking, and more
entertainment, recently, business
education, social inquiries. Platforms
networking, and more such as Snapchat,
recently, business Instagram, Facebook,
inquiries. The many and TikTok serve
aspects of social different purposes
media include apps with unique features,
such as Snapchat, giving people a way
Instagram, Facebook, to stay connected.
and TikTok, each Despite its benefits,
with unique features social media also
for different presents various
purposes. Snapchat, challenges, allowing
for instance, focuses us to analyze the
on the influence of social
communication media on a broader
aspect of social scope. Two academic
media, serving as the disciplines that study
primary platform for the impact of social
young adults’ media are psychology
communication and business, with
through texts, photos, psychology focusing
and videos. on the theoretical and
Instagram, Facebook, physical aspects of
and TikTok on the social media while
other hand, mainly business focuses on
have features that the contribution of
allow individuals to social media towards
share their entrepreneurial
experiences online efforts.
through stories, posts,
and short videos,
giving people a way
to stay connected.
However, the various
effects of social
media have both
positive and negative
impacts on our
society, allowing us
to analyze the
influence of social
media on a broader
scope. Two academic
disciplines that study
the impact of social
media are psychology
and business, with
both disciplines
focusing on different
features of social
media. While
psychology focuses
on the theoretical and
physical impact of
social media and its
effects on the daily
function of
individuals, business
focuses on the
contribution of social
media towards
entrepreneurial
efforts through
marketing and
consumer
engagement.

2.
Texts from my initial A comment I Changes I made How this change
WP 1 received from a impacts my paper
 classmate
1 1
Hilde A. M. Hilde A. M. I changed the format I corrected the
Voorveld, et al, Voorveld, et al, of the full footnote citation of outside
Engagement with “Engagement with citation for both sources through the
Social Media and Social Media and articles, from footnotes, this made
Social Media Social Media italicizing the title to my paper more
Advertising: The Advertising: The quoting the title. I credible and avoided
Differentiating Role Differentiating Role also italicized the plagiarism. It also
of Platform Type of Platform Type,” journal of the article. gives access to the
(Journal of Journal of I included the volume readers the right
advertising, 2018), 2. advertising 47, no. 1 number in the full article if they are
2 Hilde, et al, 3 (2018): 2. citation as well. interested in
2
3 Anushree Tandon, Voorveld, et al, Furthermore, in the searching for the
Sleepless Due to “Engagement with short versions of the sources I am using in
Social Media? Social Media and footnote citations, I my paper.
Investigating Social Media used the last name of
Problematic Sleep Advertising,” 3. the author instead of
3
Due to Social Media Anushree Tandon, the first name. I also
and Social Media et. al, “Sleepless Due included the title of
Sleep Hygiene to Social Media? the article in each
(Computers in human Investigating shortened version of
behavior, 2020), 1. Problematic Sleep the footnotes and
4 Tandon, et al, 2 Due to Social Media added a period at the
5 Hilde, et al, 2, 5, 7, and Social Media end of each page
13, 15 6 Hilde, et al, Sleep Hygiene,” number.
5-6 Computers in human
7 Hilde, et al, 3 behavior 113, (2020):
8 Tandon, et al, 1, 2, 5, 1.
4
6, 8 Tandon, et al,
9 Tandon, et al, 4 “Sleepless Due to
10 Hilde, et al, 9 Social Media,” 2.
5
11 Tandon, et al, 4 Voorveld, et al,
12Tandon, et al, 2, 5, “Engagement with
Hilde, et al, 1, 2, 5 Social Media and
Social Media
Advertising,” 2, 5, 7,
13, 15.
6
Voorveld, et al,
“Engagement with
Social Media and
Social Media
Advertising,” 5-6.
7
Voorveld, et al,
“Engagement with
Social Media and
 Social Media
Advertising,” 3.
8
Tandon, et al,
“Sleepless Due to
Social Media,” 1, 2,
5, 6, 8.
9
Tandon, et al,
“Sleepless Due to
Social Media,” 4.
10
Voorveld, et al,
“Engagement with
Social Media and
Social Media
Advertising,” 9.
11
Tandon, et al,
“Sleepless Due to
Social Media,” 4.
12
Tandon, et al,
“Sleepless Due to
Social Media,” 2, 5.
Hilde, et al,
“Engagement with
Social Media and
Social Media
Advertising,” 1, 2, 5.

3.
Texts from my initial A comment I The changes I made How this change
WP 1 received from my impacts my paper
professor

Writing Project 1: The title should be Unveiling Social I made a more

Writing Conventions creative and Media: Exploring creative and inclusive
within the Disciplines informative on what Writing Traditions in title that introduces
within Business and the essay is about Business and the information
Psychology Psychology and Their included in the
Respective article. This change
Disciplines made my paper more
appealing to the
readers as they could
conclude what the
paper was about.
 4.
Text from my initial A comment I The changes I made How this change
WP 1 received from my impacts my paper
professor

Through alterations The paper needs to Through alterations The change in my

in their goal in answer the prompt of in their goal in thesis incorporated
research, organization what the writing research, organization the aspect of the
of texts, and use of conventions say of texts, and use of respective discourse
outside sources, about their respective outside sources, community of
business and disciplines. business, and psychology and
psychology offer psychology offer business, introducing
distinct distinct to the audience this
methodologies. methodologies. essay will explore
Although both Although both how the writing
disciplines possess disciplines possess conventions will
unique writing unique writing reflect the core values
characteristics, they characteristics, they of both disciplines.
overlap in their overlap in their
experimentation experimentation
process on the impact process on the impact
of social media and of social media and
the convention of the convention of
writing strategies. writing strategies.
Furthermore, the
distinct writing
conventions reflect
the research value of
evidence-based
argumentation and
rigorous methodology
in the psychology
discipline while
illustrating the core
goal of innovation
and efficiency in the
business discipline.

5.
Texts from my initial A comment I The changes I made How this change
WP 1 received from myself impacts my paper
The business aspect I noticed the period The business aspect I placed the period
of social media was placed outside of of social media inside the quotation
primarily focuses on the quotation mark primarily focuses on mark, correcting the
the advertising and while revising. the advertising and punctuation. This
digital marketing digital marketing adds to the
aspect as they attempt aspect as they attempt grammatical structure
to understand the to understand the of my paper and
“relation between “relation between solidifies the validity
social media social media of my paper.
engagement and engagement and
social media social media
advertising”.1 advertising.”1

6.
Texts from my initial A comment I The changes I made How this change
WP 1 received from myself impacts my paper

Using the above I need to include Using the above I added a sentence at
framework, the study more information on framework, the study the end of the
introduces the goal of how the writing introduces the goal of research goal of the
making specific conventions tell us making specific business discipline to
contributions hoping about their discourse contributions hoping connect it to how it
to better evaluate the community to better evaluate the reflects the business
relationships between relationships between community. Their
advertisement and advertisement and research goal shows
engagement on engagement on us they are
specific social media specific social media innovative, which
platforms. platforms.1 The adds information to
objective of the back up my thesis.
business article on
social media
specifically focuses
on researching new
ways of enhancing
social media
engagement for
entrepreneur efforts,
reflecting the core
value of innovation in
the business
discipline.
 7.
Texts from my initial A comment I The changes I made How this change
WP 1 received from myself impacts my paper

The similarities and I incorporated how The similarities and Adding the element
differences in the the articles reflect the differences in the of the discipline’s
business and different disciplines business and values more
psychology articles throughout the paper, psychology articles effectively concluded
establish the so I also needed to establish the my paper, better
characteristics of the include the changes characteristics of the summarizing all the
respective discourse in the conclusion. respective discourse information explored
communities in their communities throughout my essay.
attempt to gain a including rigorous
more profound methodology,
comprehension of the innovation, and
various aspects of scientific inquiries in
social media. their attempt to gain a
more profound
comprehension of the
various aspects of
social media.

WP 2 Revision Matrix

Texts from my initial A comment I The changes I made How this impacts my
WP 2 received WP 2

N/A My professor Not only does This paragraph adds

mentioned newspaper compulsive use of to the creativity of the
articles should have a social media trigger newspaper article as I
ledge before going mental health wrote a hook to
into the detailed concerns as discussed attract the readers’
information. above, but it also attention by using
undermines one’s interesting diction. It
quality of sleep. also further adheres
Among students, to the genre
social media often conventions of a
overrides their newspaper article of
commitment to having a ledge,
regular sleep bettering my
schedules, mediating translation overall.
the correlation
 between CSMU and
cognitive sleep
failures in one’s daily
life, leading to a
notable decline in the
students’ sleep
quality. On the other
hand, social media
serves as a coping
mechanism for
working
professionals,
providing a means of
relaxation and stress
relief, exerting a
comparatively lesser
negative impact on
their overall sleep
quality.
8 8
Boyd, “Murder! My professor said it Janet Boyd, This makes my paper
(Rhetorically wasn’t the right way “Murder! more credible when
Speaking),” 2. to cite a book in (Rhetorically readers look up my
9Rosenburg, Chicago-style Speaking),” in sources. It also helps
“Reading Games: footnote citation. Writing Spaces, vol. avoid plagiarism if
Strategies for 2, ed. Charley Lowe my work is ever
Reading Scholarly and Pavel published.
Sources,” 6. Zemliansky, (Parlor
Press, 2011), 2.
9
Karen Rosenburg,
“Reading Games:
Strategies for
Reading Scholarly
Sources,” in Writing
Spaces, vol. 2, ed.
Charley Lowe and
Pavel Zemliansky,
(Parlor Press, 2011),
6.

The scientific We read in class that The scientific I changed the way the
research genre we should try to use research genre writing conventions
involves many active voice in our involves many were presented from
complex elements of papers. complex elements of passive voice to
writing conventions, writing conventions, active voice. This
including the including the makes my paper more
structure of the structuring of the concise and easier to
article, formal tone, articles, maintaining a follow along for the
and data to explain formal tone, and readers.
the process of their presenting data to
research and the explain the research
discoveries made process and
through their discoveries.
experiment.

The genre of My professor pointed The newspaper article I changed this

newspaper articles out the inclusion of a genre has many sentence from passive
has many ledge in newspaper conventions, voice to active voice,
conventions, articles as well as including large as well as included a
including large using active voice in headings, a ledge, an ledge as a part of the
headings, pictures, our paper. objective tone with writing conventions
objective tone with less academic diction, of newspaper articles.
less academic diction, and visual elements, This made my paper
and visual making it attractive to more comprehensive
arrangement, making the public to read and on the introduction of
it attractive to the comprehend. newspaper articles
public to read and and their writing
comprehend. conventions and gave
me a chance to later
explain how I
incorporated the
ledge in my
translation. The
active voice also
makes the paper more
clear and concise.

N/A My professor As for the structure of This addition gave

commented I should my newspaper article, the readers a better
incorporate how I I decided to divide idea of my thought
structured my my writing into three process of translating
newspaper article in subheadings, the text and how I
the process of my “Psychological decided to structure
translation. Impact,” “Sleep my newspaper article.
Hygiene,” and It made my reflection
“Problematic Sleep,” overall more
reflecting the primary comprehensive.
themes explored in
the original piece.
Utilizing a newspaper
article template as a
guide, I integrated
 pictures alongside
each section to
enhance visual appeal
and adherence to the
genre's conventions.

Furthermore, I As I was revising, I Furthermore, I I rewrote this

intentionally used the realized this sentence intentionally used the sentence more clearly
“inner detective” was not as concise as “inner detective” by combining two
technique from our it could be. technique from our sentences, making it
class reading, class reading, easier for the reader
Murder! Murder! to follow along and
(Rhetorically (Rhetorically furthering the
Speaking), while Speaking), while conciseness of my
translating the texts, translating the texts. article.
and asked, “What This involved
types of details did constantly asking
you find yourself myself, “What types
adding and why.”8 of details did you find
Asking myself this yourself adding and
question allowed me why,” allowing
to reflect on what myself to reflect on
details I could include what details I could
to make the include to make the
newspaper article newspaper article
informative. more informative.1

The translation I realized my The translation I included a ledge in

process from a conclusion doesn’t process from a my conclusion as it is
scientific research include the changes I scientific research new to my paper and
article to a newspaper made in my revision article to a newspaper translation. This
article required a process. article required a addition made my
focused approach, focused approach, conclusion more
emphasizing key emphasizing key comprehensive and
findings and findings, changing to more effectively
changing to a more a more informal tone summarized my
informal tone for a for a broader paper.
broader audience. audience, and
including newspaper
article genre
conventions such as a
ledge.

Anushree Tandon, I realized this isn’t Janet Boyd. “Murder! I searched for the
Anushree, Puneet the right way to cite (Rhetorically right way to cite a
Kaur, Matti Mantym, the bibliography of Speaking).” book in Chicago style
and Amandeep Dhir. the sources in Writing citation and add the
“Sleepless Due to Chicago-style Spaces: information
Social Media? citation. Readings on necessary. I also
Investigating Writing, Vol. rearranged the order
Problematic Sleep 2. edited by of the bibliography
Due to Social Media Charley Lowe into alphabetical
and Social Media and Pavel order by the author’s
Sleep Hygiene.” Zemliansky. last names. This
Computers in human (Parlor Press, made my paper more
behavior, Vol. 113, 2011). credible and
2020, p.106487 Karen Rosenburg. professional,
“Reading allowing the reader to
Janet Boyd. Murder! Games: search for the sources
(Rhetorically Strategies for I used if needed.
Speaking), Writing Reading
Spaces: Readings on Scholarly
Writing, Vol. 2, 2011 Sources,”
Writing
Karen Rosenburg. Spaces:
Reading Games: Readings on
Strategies for Writing, Vol.
Reading Scholarly 2. edited by
Sources, Writing Charley Lowe
Spaces: Reading on and Pavel
Writing, Vol. 2, 2011 Zemliansky.
(Parlor Press,
2011).
Anushree Tandon,
Anushree,
Puneet Kaur,
Matti
Mantym, and
Amandeep
Dhir.
“Sleepless
Due to Social
Media?
Investigating
Problematic
Sleep Due to
Social Media
and Social
Media Sleep
Hygiene.”
Computers in
human
behavior, Vol.
113, 2020,
p.106487