Once upon a time in chor bazaar

By Rishav Kumar

INT. OFFICE- TIME EVENING

A sequence of shots of chandni chowk are shown in a warm vintage Delhi

belly aesthetic or neon night view establishing that this story is
taking place in a secret cozy office (use Saul's nail salon office as
reference).

The scene starts with tea pouring in transparent glass stock footage
and with our protagonist (VICKEY) talking, he’s a scammer/ seller, he
sells garbage trash by telling fake stories about the garbage trash,
which convinces people to buy his shit and he has done it a million
times.

VICKEY
sunre ho!? Ek secret chupa sakte ho?

CUSTOMER
Haan, aur kya

VICKEY
*looks around*Aadmi ka naam Shekhar Saini, 37 saal, social status??
Berlin Brandenburg Airport ke ek customs officer, *points at lighter*
Saini saab ne ye lighter ek passenger se baramad kiya tha during an
“inspection”. Aur uss passenger ka naam tha ShahRukh khan...NOT ONLY,
he has physical possession of The great KING KHAN but issi insaan ke
wajah se bollywood ko My name is khan milli. Ye baat mujhe kese pta?
Well...kaafi *Doing hand thing* andar ki baat hai.

My next dialogues starts as narration while the customer is paying me

and i have a smirk on my face and joy in eyes

VICKEY
Arey dekh kya re ho?

That footage from first conversation is rolling the following thing is

said by Vickey

VICKEY
 CHOTUUUU!!! Chai ke liye sahab leke aoooo.
*BELL RINGS*
The dhoni ki juraab wali conversation continues.
Vickey is talking while eating something.

VICKEY
Arey maa kasam, Dhoni ki juraab hai, profit margin bilkul na ke barabar
rakhne ke baad agar app is gareeb ki jeb mai 20 bhi nhi daal sakte toh
Koi baat baat nahi sir, lekin 20 se niche baat hogi.

CUSTOMER
*leaving the room with disappointed look*

VICKEY
AREY AREY RUKO RUKO... 30 kardo, ek virat ki bhi de doonga

CUSTOMER
*Thinking about it*

VICKEY
aapko comfort chahiye, hume comfort chaiye, definetly apki-

CUSTOMER
*Snacthes Bra and takes a deep inhale*

VICKEY
*Shocked and disgusted* biwi ko chaiy-

CUSTOMER
*Still sniffing and interrupts Vickey mid sentence and doing one more
minute gesture*

VICKEY
*About to speak and get interrupted again by customer*

CUSTOMER
*Eye twitching*...*sniffs* SOLD, How much?

VICKEY
*Still shocked and disgusted*...saade 4-PAANCH *nods* PAANCH

Vickey slides a stone towards the customer.

 VICKEY
Tum iske Sainntish hazar do na do, lekin pata hai kya hai ye?

CUSTOMER
K-kya hai ye?-

VICKEY
Pathhar

CUSTOMER
*tilts head up to show accept*

VICKEY
Maloom hai, kaha se aya? *tilts head up to show curiosity*

CUSTOMER
*does head tilting* Tries to say lucknow and get gets interuppted*

VICKEY
CHAND...chand se aya hai

CUSTOMER
*whispers in doubt* *looks at patthar* chand se? Chand se kese hehe

VICKEY
Dekh dekh dhyaan se dekh

CUSTOMER
Dhyaan se dekh rahe hai, nhi dikhra hehe

VICKEY
Nhi dikhra??

CUSTOMER
hehe Chand toh nahi dikhra

VICKEY
Ab dikhega *brings out a brick*

CUT TO
VICKEY
Mujhe aapke motor boating experience ke baare mai kuch nhi pata, lekin
ye HAI Rakhi Sawant ke implants
CUT TO
 CUSTOMER
Bhaiya khelne mai maza ayega?

VICKEY
Tujhe, kya lagta hai?

CUSTOMER
*slightly nods to agree while looking at the ceiling* haaaa...sunne mai
toh aya hai, ki map bada hai iss baar

INSERT: GTA 6 Disk on table resting.

VICKEY
*Sighs with eye roll-up* mere lunch ka time hora hai, jaldi bata
chahiye ya nahi

CUSTOMER
Yaar chahiye bhaiya, lekin aap bohot zyada bta rahe ho

VICKEY
*HE’s done with this face* *Same expression like Tangerine from Bullet
Train, when white death’s son says “like the fruit?”*

CUSTOMER
Bhaiya mai konsi puri khelna chahta hoo, 200rs lelo, 2 ghanta khelke
wapas kardunga.

VICKEY
*sighs*...500

CUSTOMER
Bhaiyaaa... 500 bhi bohot-

VICKEY
600

CUSTOMER
Huh…

VICKEY
700

CUSTOMER
Achha 350 lelo
 VICKEY
800

CUSTOMER
400 final off-

VICKEY
HAZAAARR

CUSTOMER
ACHA THIK HAI, THIK HAI

VICKEY
Kya thik hai?...500 ya hazaar

CUSTOMER
P-paanch sou-

VICKEY
HAZAAR

CUSTOMER
*Swallows his thoughts with disappointment*

Zooming on my Vickey's face (he’s happy and looking at blank space)

Zoned in Vickey’s Zone gets broken by the Gpay sound effect and then..

VICKEY
CHHHOTUUUU
*BELL RINGS*

Multiple shots and takes of Vickey calling chotu, ringing bell,

speaking, Various characters, callbacks and random stock footages
too...

VICKEY
Ye parchi dekhra hain? Pta hai isme kya hai? Zindagi ka sach. Chahiye?
25 hazaar se niche sochra haina toh Aakhein hata le beta.

VICKEY
Nahi amabani ke jio sim se bhi uska call nahi aane wala
 VICKEY
Iss 1 hazar ke demonetised note ki value pta hai?

CUSTOMER
1 hazar?!

VICKEY
*About to speak but stops*...Haan..*Tilt agree nod* toh krdo na

*G-pay sound effect*

CUT TO
CUSTOMER
Bhai ye lubricant kitne ka hai?

Vickey is busy working/writing in his notebook lift head to answer

VICKEY
Huh?! 200

CUSTOMER
Hainnn!!?

VICKEY
Hn lekin bechne ke liye nhi hai

CUSTOMER
Bechne ke liye nhi hai fir kiske liye hai?

Vickey closes the notebook to check if someone is listening from

outside while leaning back and then he leans forward to say something*

VICKEY
Payment method

Vickey leans to normal position and one arm’s finger runs through hair
leaning to check again if someone is listening from outside and then
staring in the customer's eye for 2 seconds and then their crotch.

CUT TO
A shot of parchi flying in air and revealing the zindagi ka sach “APKO
THUG LIYA GAYA HAI”

THE END
Products that are going to be sold
1. Shahrukh khan ka Lighter
2. Dhoni ki juraab (one) virat ki juraab (one) discount offer
3. Bra (unrevealed celebrity) (straight up sold)
4. Patthar
5. Salman ka bracelet
6. Ambani ki jio sim
7. Gta 6
8. Rakhi sawant implants
9. Fortune cookie fortune- AP LOOT CHUKE HAIN (hidden) (Taqdeer by
jyotish) blender job, use last shot of montage as reference.
10. Demonetisation note (1k)
11. Lube (it’s not for selling)

Notes for pre and post-productions

1. Filming style is gonna wes anderson inspired
2. Actual price and Fake price both are gonna be shown in post
3. Shots should be symmetrical and easy to track for eyes
4. Maybe stats of the product should also be shown in post
5. Use various characters as customer
6. Last shot mai bra or fortune slip
7. Wear hawaiian shirt