Success

Is a
Decision

Tim Connor, CSP

1
 Success Is a Decision

Copyright: January 2007, Tim Connor

ISBN: 1-930376-81-2
Editor: Catherine Frenzel
Cover Design: Cara Johnston
Published by: Worldwide Press
First Printing: January 2007

For information on Tim's services as a meeting or

convention speaker, please:

Call 704-895-1230

Write: Connor Resource Group

Box 397, Davidson, NC 28036
Email: [email protected]
Website: www.timconnor.com

2
Some of the best-selling books by Tim
Connor, CSP

Soft Sell
Sales Mastery
The Trade-Off
The Sales Handbook
Above Ground
The Ancient Scrolls
Win-Win Selling
Life Questions
The Mission
81 Challenges Smart Managers Face
The Voyage
Peace of Mind
How to Be Happy AND Successful from A–Z
The Last Goodbye
How to Sell More in Less Time
52 Network Marketing Tips for Success, Wealth & Happiness
Your First Year in Sales
The Male Gift-Giving Survival Guide
The Managers Handbook
You Call THAT Selling!
Turn Your Stress into Success
That’s Life!
The Road to Happiness is Full of Potholes

3
 Self-trust is the first secret of
success.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

The biggest human temptation is to

settle for too little.
Thomas Merton

It may be that those who do most

dream most.
Stephen Leacock

4
 Contents
Introduction . . . 7

1. Control your thoughts . . . 14

2. Promote yourself relentlessly . . . 20

3. Believe steadfastly . . . 24

4. Know your purpose . . . 27

5. Maintain your passion . . . 31

6. Make time your ally . . . 35

7. Overcome adversity . . . 38

8. Develop a spirit of optimism . . . 42

9. Be persistent . . . 55

10. Focus on what you can do now . . . 50

11. Be grateful . . . 53

12. Cultivate integrity and character . . . 58

5
Lord, grant that I might always desire
more than I can accomplish.
Michelangelo

I find the great thing in this world is not

so much where we stand, as to what
direction we are moving.
O.W. Holmes

The road to triumph is built by

adversity.
Ovid

6
Introduction

Do not be misled by the size of this book. Achieving

sustained success is not all that complicated, unless
we choose to make it so. Success is truly a decision.

For many, the benefits of success are illusive. These

people struggle, search, and try year after year to
create a life filled with financial security, nurturing
relationships, and a sense of purpose and meaning.

Others appear to effortlessly achieve greatness,

independence, and happiness as they travel through
the days of their lives.

What are the differences between these two groups? Is

it luck, a favorable early environment, good fortune, the
right contacts, hard work, a powerful will to succeed,
education, good looks, charm, or some other
measurable qualities?

7
As a fellow traveler in search of success for over forty
years, I do not claim to have The Answer or the
answers to your quest. I do not know the secrets, if
there are any secrets, to success.

I have learned, however, that there are certain

attitudes, actions, beliefs, and philosophies that, when
embraced and followed, ultimately lead to the higher
ground.

In this book, we will cover what I believe are the twelve

traits that successful people – regardless of age,
gender, profession, education status, or however you
would choose to define success – embrace and have
mastered.

It doesn’t matter whether you are a business leader,

teacher, florist, artist, or in any of the thousands of
other roles or positions in life. If you want rewarding
and enduring success, you must embrace and master
each of the twelve qualities covered in this book. Keep
in mind that this is not a treatise and its intent is not to
8
give you all the answers in each of the twelve areas. Its
purpose is to help you cultivate the awareness and
then develop the desire to take the next step to learn
where and how to develop and master each trait.

I do not believe that success hinges on any single one

of the qualities listed or those that I have chosen to
leave out. Success is not guaranteed to every human
who walks the planet. However, the potential for
success is bequeathed to each of us at birth. Success
is not an accident or the result of believing that life
owes it to you.

Success is not power, fame, wealth, prosperity,

happiness, or independence. Success, once gained,
has no guarantee that it will be maintained indefinitely
in any recognizable or anticipated form. If success is
lost, it is not destined to elude us forever.

Success for everyone, in the end, is a decision – a

decision to act rather than wait, a decision to learn
rather than remain ignorant, a decision to live with
9
passion rather than with apathy, and a decision to hope
rather than despair. Yes, there are many other
decisions made each day and each year. And when all
is said and done, and your life has come to an end, it
will be your decisions that will have determined your life
outcomes.

Life offers no guarantees – just alternatives and

options; no certainty – just consequences; no
predictable outcomes – just the privilege of pursuit.
People who succeed and fail come in all shapes, sizes,
colors, ages, nationalities, and gender. In the end,
success is not what we achieve or accumulate, but who
we have become in the process.

Successful people succeed because they do the things

necessary for success. Failures want the same
success outcomes and rewards, but they either don’t
know which traits to develop or they refuse or fail to
develop them while on their life journey.

10
Many people, when attempting to excuse themselves
from the personal responsibility of a successful life, do
so by blaming others, their background, or
circumstances. Life is a neutral concept. It responds to
a person’s beliefs, commitments, expectations, effort,
attitudes, and actions. It always gives us what we
unconsciously desire, deserve, and ask for.

Life is not selective. It doesn’t pick on some people,

while showering others with innumerable benefits or
gifts. It is a perfect example of cause and effect in the
ebb and flow of life. Life is not fair. It is not unfair either.
It just is.

In the end, people who want to succeed, do – because

they take the time and energy to develop the required
characteristics and attitudes. Their success, however,
may not resemble their early picture of what they
thought their success would look like when they
embarked on their journey. Most people who fail,
subconsciously want to fail. Oh, they may say they
want success and its trappings, but in reality they do
11
not believe in their hearts that they deserve it or will
ever achieve it.

We are all magnets. We attract into our experience and

life whatever is consistent with our inner beliefs, values,
thoughts, expectations, and desires.

So, my friend, let’s continue on your journey to

sustained and rewarding success.

At the very end of this book, you will find several pages
where you can write down your personal insights and
reflections.

12
 Don’t be run so much by what
you lack as by what you have
already achieved.
Marcus Aurelius

You will become as small as your

controlling desire; as great as your
dominant aspiration.
James Allen

I am always content with what happens;

for I know that what God chooses is
better than what I choose.
Epictetus

13
1. Control your thoughts

The most important thing you can do that will

guarantee your success and happiness is to learn to
control your thoughts. At first glance, this might seem
an easy task, but just think of how many times today
you were pulled out of your own thought patterns by
the actions or words of someone else or by
circumstances.

Thought control is the one trait of all happy and

successful people – whether they are professional
athletes or business leaders, artists or musicians – and
every one of us, no matter what our station in life.

Most people live their lives in reverse. Most of their

thinking is nothing more than recycling old information
over and over again in the mind. It is replaying hurts,
joys, memories, dreams, desires, and information that
is essentially of no value.
Real thought-control permits you to decide what
thoughts will be permitted access to your unconscious

14
mind. Most people think about what they don’t want,
can’t have, won’t become, or would like to change.
Successful people accept that the mind is a tool that
can be used to create happiness or unhappiness,
success or failure, joy or pain, and productive now
moments or wasted time in the present.

To control your thoughts means that NOTHING gets

into your consciousness that you don’t want. If a
thought does sneak in while you are not looking, you
dispose of it quickly and easily without getting yourself
all worked up into a lather. What thoughts are filling
your mind today? Happy ones? Sad ones? Positive
ones? Negative ones? Destructive ones?

I would like to quote one of the all-time best selling

messages of the past one hundred years. It is James
Allen’s book, As a Man Thinketh. If you have never
read it I can’t impress upon you enough the
tremendous power of this short message written over a
century ago.

15
All that a man achieves and all that he fails to
achieve is the direct result of his own thoughts.
He who has conquered doubt and fear has
conquered failure. Men do not attract that
which they want, but that which they are. Their
whims, fancies, and ambitions are thwarted at
every step, but their inmost thoughts and
desires are fed with their own food, be it foul or
clean.

As a being of power, Intelligence, and love,

and the lord of his own thoughts, man holds
the key to every situation and contains within
himself that transforming and regenerative
agency by which he may make himself what he
wills.

Thought and character are one, and as

character can only manifest and discover itself
through environment and circumstance, the
outer conditions of a person’s life will always
be found to be harmoniously related to his
16
inner state. This does not mean that a man’s
circumstances at any given time are an
indication of his entire character, but that those
circumstances are so intimately connected with
some vital thought-element within himself that,
for the time being, they are indispensable to his
development.

Good thoughts and actions can never produce

bad results and bad thoughts and actions can
never produce good results. Suffering is
always the effect of wrong thought in some
direction. It is an indication that the individual is
out of harmony with himself.

Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream so shall

you become. Your vision is the promise of what
you shall one day be; your ideal is the
prophecy of what you shall at last unveil. The
greatest achievement was at first and for a
time a dream. The oak sleeps in the acorn; the
bird waits in the egg; and in the highest vision
17
of the soul a waking angel stirs. Dreams are
the seedlings of realities.

18
Circumstances are the rulers of the
weak; they are but the instruments
of the wise.
Samuel Lover

All human activity is prompted

by desire.
Bertrand Russell

Don't forget until too late that the

business of life is not business,
but living.
B.C. Forbes

19
2. Promote yourself relentlessly

Have you ever heard of any of these people:

• Dale Earnhardt
• Dr. Phil
• Martha Stewart
• Donald Trump
• Madonna
• Billy Graham

Regardless of their chosen profession, business or

discipline, each of them is successful for a variety of
reasons; but one thing they all have in common is that
they are or were relentless self-promoters.

Being a self-promoter can conjure up many different

images in the minds of many, some negative, some
arrogant, some self-serving and some envy; but, in the
end, this ability separates the also-rans from the
supper successful. If you think of Herb Kelleher, (the
founder of Southwest Airlines), you might think he was
a lunatic. If you mention Bill Clinton, you’ll get two very
20
opposing reactions; and if you bring up the name
Michael Jordan, you might get very consistent
reactions. But one thing they all did was self-promote in
one way or another.

As I was thinking about writing this book, I was

wondering: Has anyone ever been super-successful
who did not have self-promotion as their companion as
they brought their ideas, products, or talent to the rest
of the world? I couldn’t think of anyone. Maybe you
can, but I’ll bet that if anyone has achieved enduring
and satisfying success, self-promotion was high on
their list of traits.

What exactly is self-promotion? Is it self-confidence?

No. There are a lot of people with strong self-
confidence who are not comfortable in self-promotion.
Is it talent? No. Many very talented people have never
been successful or publicly heard of.

I could also mention numerous people in specific

professions, who are super-successful, but because
21
they are not relentless self-promoters, you don’t hear
about them; their success is not measured by fame.

Now don’t get me wrong here. I am not saying that

fame or fortune equal success. I am only saying that
self-promotion is one of the most evident traits of
successful people. Let me illustrate this with familiar
examples.

Is Donald Trump smarter than other corporate

executives? Is Oprah Winfrey better looking than other
media people? Was Bill Waldron (the founder of Wal-
Mart) better educated than you or me?

I am telling you, education is important. Talent is

important. Effort is important. Timing is important. The
right contacts are important. But even if you have all of
these, you can still never achieve greatness or
sustained success without the willingness and ability to
be a relentless self-promoter.

22
 Trials teach us what we are.
Charles H. Spurgeon

If matters go badly now, they will

not always be so.
Horace

Great men are they who see that

the spiritual is stronger than any
material force, that thoughts rule
the world.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

23
3. Believe steadfastly

Do you believe in, trust, and accept yourself?

Consistently? Steadfastly? This is one of the keys to
enduring success, peace, happiness, and a worthwhile
life.

Many people believe that if some aspect of themselves

were better – such as weighing less, being taller,
having a better job, being better looking, or having
nicer home or different career – then they would then
be O.K.

Steadfast belief in yourself is the knowledge that no

matter what crosses your path, you can handle it. No
matter how hard you fall, how long you are down, or
who is kicking you while you are down, this too will
pass and you can learn from the experience.

There are two types of people in any given situation:

those that whine and those that act. Those that believe
in a better tomorrow and those that don’t. Those that

24
blame and those that take responsibility. Those that
resist the pull of life into the future and those that flow
with it.

Self-belief says: Throw it at me, life; I will handle it,

overcome it, and I will survive and succeed. A lack of
self-belief says, I quit, I can’t do it, it’s too much for me.

What is your approach to adversity, trouble, failure,

problems, challenges, or any negative circumstances?
Do you have a YES or NO in your heart?

25
 If one advances confidently in the
direction of his dreams, and
endeavors to live the life which he has
imagined, he will meet with success
unexpected in common hours.
Henry David Thoreau

If I fail, it will be for lack of ability

and not of purpose.
Abraham Lincoln

In times of stress, be bold

and valiant.
Horace

26
4. Know your purpose

In his classic best-seller Think and Grow Rich,

Napoleon Hill discusses the importance of a “Definite
Major Purpose” in life. It would be difficult for me to
improve on his words that were written over fifty years
ago. The book can be summarized, in my opinion, with
two of his quotes: “What the mind of man can conceive
and believe, it can achieve.” And “Every adversity,
every problem, and every heartache carries with it the
seed of an equivalent or greater benefit.”

Webster defines purpose as: “the reason for which

something exists, is done or made. An intended or
desired result, aim, or goal. To intend or resolve.”
Although as a writer I refer to my dictionary a great
deal, I am more often than not confused by the use of
certain words to describe other words. Dictionary
definitions leave so much out regarding the essence of
the word as a concept. Words are so much more than
just words when you consider them more deeply.
Purpose is the determining factor in goals and

27
objectives. If a person lacks a clear purpose in his or
her life, career, or business, it is difficult to set and
achieve meaningful goals. Without purpose, people
easily lose their motivation or will to continue when life
throws them a curve, pothole, or difficult challenge.
Without purpose it is difficult to develop any sense of
satisfaction for accomplishments along life’s path. And
without purpose, people will change direction in life
whenever the whim inspires them or the going gets
rough.

Purpose is similar to a personal mission statement. I

will share mine with you to illustrate my point. My
personal mission statement for over thirty years has
been and is today, “To learn as much as I can as I
move through life and to share what I have learned with
others who cross my path.” This mission statement has
become the foundation for my speaking goals, writing
goals, and publishing efforts.

When I don’t feel like writing, or would rather stay home

than travel 10,000 miles to speak, or I am not in the
28
mood to work on another book, my purpose or mission
statement kicks in.

The thought that often comes up in my mind is: Either

change your mission or purpose – or get on with it.

How are you doing today? Do you have a major

purpose in life? Do you have a personal mission
statement? Have you converted these into practical,
rewarding, and meaningful goals and objectives? If not,
what are you waiting for?

29
 I love the man that can smile in
trouble, that can gather strength from
distress and grow brave by reflection.
Thomas Paine

The things that are impossible with men

are possible with God.
Luke 18:27

All I have seen teaches me to trust

the Creator for all I have not seen.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

30
5. Maintain your passion

Passion is the great equalizer. It can make up for a lack

of experience and knowledge. I am not suggesting that
you not develop your knowledge or experience,
however, because they will only enhance and further
empower you passion – your strong belief in yourself,
your ability, your mission, and your purpose.

Passion is different than enthusiasm. The old cliché

says, “Act enthusiastic and you will become
enthusiastic.” I have never subscribed to this
philosophy. If your enthusiasm is contrived, an act that
you use when things are going well, then what happens
when things go badly? Real enthusiasm means “God
within.” So if you are being enthusiastic because that is
who you are, then no matter what is going on in your
life, you will respond with enthusiasm.

Passion is not an act. It is a way of believing. It is

woven into your cellular structure just as much as your
DNA. Passion – real passion for who you are, who you

31
are becoming, where you are, and where you are
going, what you believe in, stand for, and would die for
– shouts to the world, “I am here to stay, I am here to
make a difference, I will leave my mark in this world. It
may take me my entire life, but I will not give up until
my purpose and destiny are realized.” Who do you
know that is passionate about something? Anything?

You can see it in their eyes, hear it in their voice, and

sense it in their behavior. How are you doing? Are you
in love with where you are, where you are going, who
you are becoming, and what you are contributing? Or
are you living like over 85% of the population with the
attitude, “same stuff, different day.”

If you have lost or are losing your passion for life, your
career, or a relationship, do what ever is necessary to
get it back. Here are a few ideas to consider.

1. Count your blessings.

2. Accept the reality of how your life is unfolding.
3. Manage your expectations.
32
4. Let go of old baggage.
5. Accept yourself just as you are.
6. Live with an attitude of gratitude.
7. Find a way to serve your fellow human beings.
8. Do what you love, not what you must do.

33
Be happy with what you have, and
better things will come along.
John Wanamaker

In all things it is better to hope

than to despair.
Goethe

Hope is the last thing that

dies in man.
La Rochefoucauld

34
6. Make time your ally

There is only one common denominator when you

study both successful people and people who fail. It’s
not education, gender, position, status, or wealth. It is
time. The millionaire gets 24 hours every day. The
homeless person gets 24 hours every day. The genius
gets 24 hours a day, and the idiot gets 24 hours every
day.

Successful people know that they can’t get more time.

They know that have to use the time they have more
effectively if they want to achieve success.

Time passes. When you are doing what you like or are
with people you enjoy, time seems to speed by. When
you are doing things you hate or are with people you
don’t like, time seems to creep by very slowly. The rate
of time does not change. Your perception of passing
time does. Time management is a misnomer. If you are
having trouble managing time, I’ll bet you are having

35
trouble managing: some other area of your life such as
people, resources, decisions, or problems.

Time management and effective time use is a function

of many skills and attitudes, prejudices, habits, and
personal philosophies. No one can manage time. The
keys to improving time use is to:

1. Know yourself
2. Know your tendencies
3. Know your strengths
4. Know your weaknesses
5. Know your goals
6. Identify your common time wasters
7. Establish regular planning times
8. Be relentless with your self-discipline

Each of us has numerous demands on our time,

energy, and resources. One of the keys to success is
the ability to balance multiple demands, requirements
of your position, personal needs and desires, tasks,
routine activities and family roles.
36
 Every current experience can aid
you in your growth toward higher
consciousness – if you know how to
use it.
Ken Keyes

Circumstances do not make the man,

they reveal him.
James Allen

What lies behind us and what lies

before us are tiny matters compared
to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

37
7. Overcome adversity

Everyone, at least once in their life, experiences some

form of a setback, adversity, failure, or loss in at least
one area of their life. Adversity can strike with or
without notice. It can hit a relationship, a loved one, a
career, your business, your health, or your financial
status. No matter where or when it hits, the anxiety,
stress, frustration, disappointment, fear, sadness, or
panic leaves the same feelings or emotions in its wake:
a sense of hopelessness and/or despair.

Life is circular, not linear. First there is birth, then

growth, then maturity, then death, followed again by
birth or re-birth and so on. This is the law of the
universe, whether it is life itself or a change in career or
a relationship. I do not mean to imply that all
relationships must die before their time, but they do
eventually end. There is a big difference. Endings are
different than death.
Death is certainly an ending, but there are literally
thousands of types of endings. Periods of life end; for

38
example, youth. It is followed by adulthood. All careers
end – if not by premature death, then by retirement or
the beginning of a new or different career.
Relationships end; if not physically, then a stage in the
relationship – for example: In long-standing
relationships, lust, infatuation or physical attraction is
replaced with deep and abiding love.

Setbacks and adversity are often signals that some

aspect of life has come to an end or needs to come to
an end or is there to test your resolve and commitment.
They are wake-up calls or what I call “choice points” in
life. Many people, myself included, resist endings from
time to time. Sometimes however, we embrace or
encourage them. We want to continue life, business, or
a way of life forever. Most people die with unfinished
business left in them. It is seldom that there isn't
something more that could have been said, done,
seen, learned, or shared by someone who has passed
on.
Life brings to each person unique opportunities to learn
and grow as a result of the events or circumstances
39
that cross their path. Everyone, I repeat everyone –
regardless of their age, gender, nationality, religion,
career status, or financial position – is a student in life
and they either learn from their life lessons or they are
doomed to repeat them. Some people, at first glance,
may seem to "have it made." But do not judge only by
appearances. Everyone has inner battles of one kind or
another that they are fighting.

Adversity gives us the opportunity to do a number of

things as we move through our lives. Some of them
are: Reevaluate old life-patterns that are not working;
see ourselves more clearly as a contributor; develop
new attitudes about life, relationships, money, people,
or work; or observe how we handle the lessons we are
given.

40
 All things are difficult before they
are easy.
John Norley

Let me tell thee, time is a very

precious gift of God; so precious that
it’s only given to us moment by
moment.
Amelia Barr

So get a few laughs and do the

best you can.
Will Rogers

8. Develop a spirit of optimism

There are only two ways to look at life – with a YES or a

NO in your heart and mind. If you begin every task,
relationship, or activity with a NO life-outlook, you are
doomed to live a life filled with disappointment,
41
frustration, and anxiety. If you begin with a YES-I can-
do-this life-outlook, you have a greater chance of
achieving your desires. There is no guarantee that with
optimism you will achieve success, but the chances are
in your favor.

It is a medical fact that people who are positive and

optimistic get sick less often and live longer than
people who are negative and pessimistic. I am not
referring here to a blind optimism that anything or
everything is possible; it’s just not that kind of life or
world. However, if your outlook tends to be “I can, I
deserve, I will,” your chances of success are improved
dramatically. You will be amazed that when your life
outlook is positive, circumstances, people, and events
will often be in your favor either directly or indirectly.
Jung called it synchronicity. Segleman calls it
opportunity. Some would call it fate. Others luck. I
choose to call it the consequences of life working in
your favor.

42
This does not imply that just being an optimist will
guarantee success, happiness, wealth, or peace of
mind. But if you had a choice to be negative about
anything or positive, which do you think gives you a
better chance to achieve it?

In reality, there is a lot of negativity in our world. We

are surrounded daily with a plethora of negative
circumstances, people, and situations. The thing to
remember is that judging a thing to be negative or
positive is not about the thing itself. It is about us and
our perceptions.

Life is a neutral process that gives each of us the

opportunity to decide whether a condition or situation is
negative or positive in our perspective or life. We don’t
always get to choose our life circumstances, but we
can always choose our attitudes about them.

Remember, we are here for a short time and then we

are gone from this Earth forever.

43
 A man can do only what he can do. But
if he does that each day he can sleep at
night and do it again the next day.
Albert Schweitzer

Success is going from failure to failure

without loss of enthusiasm.
Winston Churchill

Dream lofty dreams, and as you

dream, so shall you become. Your
vision is the promise of what you
shall one day be.
James Allen

44
9. Be persistent

It is unfortunate that many people quit just before they

are about to have all of their effort, patience,
commitment, and belief pay off. Why is this? Why do
people fail to stick with things? Well, for every person
who has given up on something – anything – I will bet
there are others who have persisted until they have
achieved or won the day.

I would like to share with you what I have discovered

are some of the common reasons why people
successfully stay with relationships, projects, careers,
businesses, or simple activities and hobbies. People
persist because:

1. They believe in themselves.

2. They perceive failure as an opportunity to do
better, not as a negative.
3. They interpret problems as hurdles, not
roadblocks.

45
4. They just refuse to give up.
5. They understand that failure is not final, only a
circumstance.
6. Their self-esteem is too high to permit giving in
or up.
7. Their dreams are too important to them to settle
for less.
8. They do not accept the views or judgments of
others that would limit their potential and ability.
9. They know that their legacy is in their hands
alone.
10. They see rejection as the other person’s issue,
not theirs.
11. Their ego is not in control of their life.
12. Their life is NOW, and what they do with it
matters.
13. They believe in their purpose and mission in life.
14. They believe that the specific gifts they have
been given are to be used for the benefit of
others.
15. They know their time is limited, so they need to
get on with it – now.
46
This is a long list, I know, but I wanted to make sure I
covered a whole range of reasons. Any of them sound
familiar to you?

47
Whatever the mind of man can conceive
and believe it can achieve.
Napoleon Hill

Be ashamed to die until you have won

one victory for humanity.
Horace Mann

The important thing in life is not the

triumph but the struggle.
Pierre de Coubertin

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10. Focus on what you can do now

You tend to bring into your life whatever is consistent

with your focus. You can either focus on what is not
working or what is; what you don’t have or you do; what
you want or don’t want; what you believe in or don’t.
There is a great line (can’t remember where I heard it;
just know I am not taking credit for it) that says: Be
careful what you ask for, you might just get it.

One of my favorite quotes is by Arthur Ashe. He said,

“True greatness is: starting where you are, using what
you have, and doing what you can.”

Most winners in life are grateful for their blessings, and

focus on what they want, have, and can do. By the
same token, most losers focus on what is missing,
where they are not and on what they can’t do.

Winners, on the other hand, learn to work with what

they have. They improvise, innovate, adjust, or

49
compromise – whatever it takes to get the job done
with the tools they have.

Whining about what is missing or can’t be done keeps

you stuck in the past. You have three options in any
situation or circumstance: Change it, accept it, or leave
it. Whining or complaining doesn’t change things or fix
them.

A key ingredient in all successful people is focus. What

is your focus today? Is it on what you can or cannot
do? Have or don’t have?

Be aware that you can’t focus on both. You can't focus

on what is and on what isn’t at the same time. It is
simply impossible.

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 There is no such thing as chance;
and what to us seems merest
accident springs from the deepest
source of destiny.
Friedrich von Schiller

Optimism is the faith that leads to

achievement. Nothing can be done
without hope and confidence.
Helen Keller

The only thing that is certain in life is

its uncertainty.
Oswald Chambers

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11. Be grateful

Have you ever noticed that some people seem to have

more of some things or everything than others? More
fun, stuff, friends, success, money, influence,
achievements, wisdom, peace, harmony, freedom –
just to mention a few.

Why is this? During the years, I have observed

hundreds of people in all walks of life. As a speaker, I
am privileged to meet thousands of people each year
worldwide in my programs. One thing I have seen is a
wide-ranging array of attitudes, feelings, and beliefs
about life and what it should be like. It is interesting to
note that of the people I have met that have the
greatest degree of peace, joy, harmony, life balance,
friends, and success are people who live with a great
deal of gratitude in their lives.

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Some of you might believe that you have nothing to be
grateful for. Life is just “same stuff, different day,” or
just a bowl of pits, or not fair, or whatever.

Here are just a few things you have to be grateful for

that many people often take for granted:

1. Air to breathe.
2. Food to eat.
3. Hearts that pump 2,500,000 a month.
4. Minds that can think.
5. Work that is satisfying or challenging or
contributes to our growth.
6. The right to believe what we want.
7. The ability to control what we feel and think.
8. The ability to feel.
9. The ability to express love and receive it.
10. The ability to share with others.

Obviously there are many more.

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There are two ways each of us can choose to spend
our conscious time: focusing on either what we have or
what we lack. One of the common characteristics I
have found that successful people have is their attitude
of thankfulness and gratitude. Each of us, regardless of
our social status, education, circumstance, or condition,
has much to be grateful for.

I would like you to take a few minutes and count your

blessings. Think of everything you are or have been
thankful for during your life:

• in your relationships
• in your finances
• in your health
• in your social life
• in your spiritual life
• in your career or business
• with your friends
• your education/wisdom/knowledge
• with your family

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You have a choice. You can be filled with gratitude for
what you have been given or you can whine about
what is missing. Successful people focus on what they
can do, not what they can’t; what they have, not what
has been taken from them; and where they are, not
where they think they would like to be.

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 What you get by reaching your
destination is not as important as what
you become by reaching your
destination.
Dr. Robert Anthony

The thing always happens that you

really believe in; and the belief in a thing
makes it happen.
Frank Lloyd Wright

Never give up, no matter what is

going on...no matter what is
happening, no matter what is going
on around you, never give up.
Dalai Lama

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12. Cultivate integrity and character

Adversity is normal in life. It can develop character,

strength, courage, self-confidence, and self-belief.

To define character, the dictionary uses words like

fortitude, honesty, and distinctive. I use words such as
persistence, courage, and self-reliance.

For years I have had an on-going verbal battle with

several people about the value and importance of
letting people fail, not helping them at every turn of
life's wheel, and not giving them whatever they think
they need or are entitled to for them to succeed,
survive or even just make it through another difficult
day.

Now, don't get me wrong: I believe in a safety net and

support system at those critical times in people's lives
when they really need it. It can often mean the
difference between overwhelming discouragement and

57
making it through another day. I also believe, however,
that the more you help some people, the less you help
them in the long run.

I ask you: If you help someone every time they are in

need or have a perceived need, what do they learn?
They learn that their life outcome is always in someone
else’s hands. They learn that whenever you are in
trouble, you pick up the cell phone and call for help.
They develop the attitude that just because they are
here, they deserve everything.

No one owes anyone anything. Parents don't owe

children an education, they provide it because they
love them, can afford it, or want to, but not because the
children are entitled to it. Companies offer employees
opportunities for growth, responsibility, and opportunity
for economic freedom, but they do not owe the
employee respite from life's troubles and challenges.
Life is not easy. When you make it too easy for people,
they seldom develop the ability to handle those future

58
tough times when those who helped them in the past
are no longer here or are able.

The problem is that these people never learn self-

reliance, self-confidence, the skill in handling life's
difficulties or character. And, the need for these will
come sooner or later, I guarantee it.

I am reminded of Tom Hanks’s role in “Castaway.”

Would his character have survived better or sooner
with help? Maybe, maybe not. But would he have
developed the same inner strength, courage, self-
belief, and self-reliance in the process? I doubt it.

Integrity and trust go hand in hand with character as

qualities for success. It is not possible to have one
without the other. If you trust someone, it is most likely
because they are trustworthy; they have ethics,
integrity, and character. If a person lacks any one of
the three, they generally will lack them all.

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So, what is integrity? There are many people more
expert than me who have written books, articles and
given speeches on this important topic. But let me give
it my best shot here.

Integrity is behaving in such a way that you know that

your every action, your words and deeds and thoughts
– yes, your thoughts, too – would be posted on the
company bulletin board or the Internet for all to see.

It is the willingness and ability to do what IS right – not

what you think is right – and there is often a difference.
Most people who have been brought up in the right
surroundings know what IS right, yet they hope they
can get away with something, anything, and that their
words and/or actions will remain forever locked in their
own mind.

Sooner or later we all get caught. We may not get

caught in the way we were anticipating, but there is a
law of cause and effect in place that has been
operating for millions of years. Break the rules, pay the
60
price – no matter where: in your health, relationships,
career, etc.
The question we must ask ourselves when we consider
doing what is not right vs. what IS, is: Can I handle
getting caught? Is the price worth it? How will I react to
getting caught? Wouldn’t it just be easier to deal in
truth? All the time? The answer is yes. So why do
people misrepresent, lie, tell little innocent fibs etc.? I
don’t know. We are all guilty – at least one time in our
lives and most of us several times – of shading the
truth with what we feel is a justifiable cause. Is this
wrong? I am not a moralist. But I do believe that
character and integrity are related.

Here are a few simple questions to ask, the next time

you are considering anything less than truth, integrity,
or character:

1. What will I lose or gain by dealing in un-truth or

poor ethics?
2. Who will be impacted other than me?

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 3. Is it easy for me to shade the truth, and do I do it
often? Why?
4. If I deal only in the truth – all the time – what will
that do for me?

Yes there are many successful people who have

virtually no ethics, integrity, or character. The media
has been filled with them for the past few years. But I
ask you: If you viewed these people with the previous
eleven success qualities in mind, would they have even
made the initial cut? I seriously doubt it.

So you might say, “But some of them achieved

financial independence, wealth, fame etc.” Well, I’ll
leave you with one parting thought.

Were these people successful? Really successful?

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 Tim’s Services and Products

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a motivational keynote address, to discuss using him to facilitate a
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Website: www.timconnor.com

63
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 Everyone who got where he is had to begin
where he was.
Robert Louis Stevenson

Change your thoughts and you change your

world.
Norman Vincent Peale

Decide what you want, decide what you are

willing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities
and go to work.
H.L. Hunt

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