WORKSHEET: DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS

PREPARING FOR A DIFFICULT CONVERSATION

We all have to have difficult conversations sometimes – with friends, family and
at work. We might not want to, and we might try and avoid them, however
eventually they tend to happen. When we put them off, they can sometimes
bubble up unexpectedly and go very badly. This happens for a number of reasons,
for example, we might have overthought the conversation, we might have too
many expectations for the conversation or too many emotions attached to it.

The next time you are facing a difficult conversation, take ownership of it. Use the
following exercises to prepare yourself.

Preparing The Content

1. Check your mindset

If you have already labelled the conversation as difficult, you are likely to have
some negative feelings attached to it. This will increase your levels of stress and
anxiety. Try and reframe the conversation in a more positive way. Think about
what you, and others, have to gain or learn from the conversation. It might be
a tricky conversation that needs careful thought and preparation, but it doesn’t
need to be ‘difficult’

Jot down your current mindset regarding your upcoming ‘tricky’ conversation:
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Reflect on what you and others stand to gain from this conversation and how it
can be constructive and useful if managed well:
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2. Challenge Your Assumptions

One of the reasons you might be thinking that your upcoming conversation is
going to be difficult is because you have some potentially incorrect assumptions
about how the other person is going to react. Try and identify these and replace
them with more liberating ones instead. Take a positive view of humanity as you
do this i.e. believe that people are on the whole well intentioned and kind.

What are you assuming about the other person’s intentions or reactions?
WORKSHEET: DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS

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What else could you assume that is more liberating instead?

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3. Get Clear On Purpose

Using the above, write your purpose for the conversation. It could be about what
you want to accomplish or the outcome you want to get to.
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4. Structure The Conversation

Now plan a light structure for the conversation. Lightness is important as it allows
flexibility in the dialogue you will have. Think about what you have noticed or the
facts that you have, how you will explain that it matters, and how you will show
curiosity to the other person perspective. You might also want to think about any
insights or actions you have that might help.
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5. Nail The Beginning

The practical block for a lot of people when faced with a difficult conversation is
how to begin the conversation.

Write some possible openings for your conversation here:

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WORKSHEET: DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS

Preparing Yourself
Tricky conversations bring about emotions and feelings in us that, if unchecked,
may manifest themselves in an unhelpful way. No matter how well the
conversation begins, you’ll need to stay in charge of yourself, your purpose and
your emotional energy. Preparing yourself mentally so you stay calm and centred
in the conversation is where your power lies.

Try all or some of the following before and during your conversation to stay
centred and calm:
1. Find somewhere quiet and repeat the outcome and positive mindset you have
prepared to yourself a few times.
2. Take control of your breathing – use the box breathing exercise below to find
your place of calm.
3. Ground yourself – literally! Place both your feet firmly on the ground and pay
attention to any sensations in your feet, especially the soles of your feet. Do
this for 30 seconds to take your awareness away from your mind and to centre
yourself.
4. Move - Mindful walking is often used to calm the mind. Walk whilst staying
present with every step. Try to sync your breathing with each step, for example, a
two-count for each small stride. Try this for a minute or two. If it feels good, do it
for longer. If possible, walk in outside in nature.
5. Smile – smile to yourself for 60 seconds. Studies have shown that smiling
releases endorphins, natural painkillers, and serotonin. Together these three
neurotransmitters make us feel good from head to toe. Not only do these natural
chemicals elevate your mood, but they also relax your body.

Box Breathing Technique

Step 1: Slowly exhale
Sitting upright, slowly exhale through your mouth, getting all the oxygen out of
your lungs. Focus on this intention and be conscious of what you’re doing.

Step 2: Slowly inhale

Inhale slowly and deeply through your nose to the count of four. In this step, count
to four very slowly in your head. Feel the air fill your lungs, one section at a time,
until your lungs are completely full and the air moves into your abdomen.

Step 3: Hold your breath

Hold your breath for another slow count of four.

Step 4: Exhale again

Exhale through your mouth for the same slow count of four, expelling the air from
your lungs and abdomen. Be conscious of the feeling of the air leaving your lungs.

Step 5: Hold your breath again

Hold your breath for the same slow count of four before repeating this process.
WORKSHEET: DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS

NOTES
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