Welcome.

I'm very excited today to talk about

effective speaking in
spontaneous situations.
I thank you all for
joining us, even though the title of
my
talk is grammatically incorrect.
I thought that might scare a few of
you away.
But I learned teaching here at the
business school,
catching people's attention is hard.
So, something as simple as that, I
thought, might draw a few of you
here, so
this is going to be a highly
interactive
and participative workshop today.
If you don't feel comfortable
participating that's completely fine,
but
do know I'm gonna ask you to talk
 to people next to you.
They'll be opportunities to stand up
and practice some things because I
believe the way we become
effective communicators is
by actually communicating, so let's
get started right away.
I'd like to ask you all to read this
sentence, and as you read this
sentence,
what's most important to me is that
you count the number of fs
that you find in this sentence,
please. Count the number of fs.
Keep it quiet to yourself.

“Finished files are the re-

sult of years of scientif-
ic study combined with the
experience of many years”

Give you just another couple

seconds here.
 Three, two, one.
Raise your hand please if you
found three and only three f's.
Excellent, great.
Did anybody find four?
Anybody find only five fs?
Anybody find six?
There's six fs.
What two letter word ending in f
did many of us miss?
Oh.
We'll make sure to get this to you
so
you can torment your friends and
family at
a later date.
When I first was exposed to this
over 12
years ago I only found three, and
I felt really stupid.
So, I like to start every workshop,
every class I teach with to pass that
feeling along.
 No, no.
[LAUGH] That's not,
that's not why I do this.
I do this because this is a perfect
analogy for
what we're going to be talking
about today.
The vast majority of us in this
room, very
smart people in this room,
were not as effective as we could
have been in this activity.
We didn't get it right.
And the same is true when it comes
to speaking in public,
particularly when spontaneous
speaking.
It's little things that make a big
difference in being affective.
So today we're going to talk about
little
things in terms of your approach,
your
 attitude, your practice, that can
change
how you feel when you speak in
public.
And we're gonna be talking
primarily about
one type of public speaking.
Not the type that you plan for in
advance,
the type
that you actually spend time
thinking
about, you might even create slides
for.
These are the key notes, the
conference
presentation, the formal toasts.
That's not what we are talking
about
today,
we are talking about spontaneous
speaking.
When you are in a situation that
 you are
asked to speak off the cuff and
in the moment.
What we're going through today is
actually
the result of a workshop I
created here for the business
school.
Several years ago, a survey was
taken
among the students, and they said,
what's
one of the, what are things we
could do to
help make you more successful
here?
And at the top of that list was this
notion of responding to cold calls.
Does everybody know what a cold
call is?
It's where the mean professor like
me
looks at some student and
 says, what do you think?
And there was a lot of panic, and a
lot of
silence.
So as a result of that, this
workshop was
created, and
a vast majority of first year
students
here at the GSB go through this
workshop.
So I'm gonna walk you through
sort of a
hybrid version of what they do.
The reality is that spontaneous
speaking
is actually more
prevalent than planned speaking.
Perhaps it's giving introductions.
You're at a dinner and
somebody says, you know so and
so, would
you mind introducing them?
 Maybe it's giving feedback.
In the moment, your boss turns to
you and
says, would you tell me what you
think?
It could be a surprise toast.
Or finally, it could be during the Q
and A
session.
And by the way,
we will leave plenty of time at the
end of
our day today for Q and A.
I'd love to hear the questions you
have
about this topic or
other topics related to
communicating.
So our agenda is simple, in order to
be an
effective communicator, regardless
of if
it's planned or spontaneous, you
 need to
have your anxiety under control.
So we'll start there.
Second, what we're going to talk
about is
some ground rules for
the interactivity we'll have today
and
then finally we're going to get into
the
heart of what we will be covering
and
again, as I said, lots of activity and
I
invite you to participate.
So lets get started with anxiety
management.
85% of people tell us that they're
nervous
when speaking in public.
And I think the other 15% are
lying.
Okay?
We could create a situation where
we
could make them nervous too.
In fact, just this past week a study
from
Chapman University asked
American's,
what are the things you fear most?
And among being caught in a
surprise
terrorist attack,
having identity, your identity
stolen, was
public speaking.
Among the top five was speaking
in front
of others.
This is a ubiquitous fear, and one
that I
believe we can learn to manage.
And I use that word manage very
carefully
because I
 don't think we ever want to
overcome it.
Anxiety actually helps us.
It gives us energy, helps us focus,
tells
us what we're doing is important.
But we want to learn to manage it.
So I'd like to introduce you to a
few
techniques that can work and
all of these techniques are based on
academic research.
But before we get there, I'd love to
ask
you what does it feel like
when you're sitting in the audience
watching a nervous speaker
present,
how do you feel, just shout out a
few
things, how to do you feel?
>> Uncomfortable.
>> Uncomfortable.
 I heard many of you going, yes,
uncomfortable.
It feels very awkward, doesn't it?
So what do we do?
Now a couple of you probably like
watching
somebody suffer.
[LAUGH] 'Kay, but most of us
don't.
So what do we do?
We sit there and we nod and we
smile or we
disengage.
And to the nervous speaker looking
out at
his or
her audience seeing a bunch of
people
nodding or disengaged, that does
not help.
Okay.
So we need to manage our anxiety.
Cuz, fundamentally, your job as a
communicator rather, regardless of
if it's planned or spontaneous, is to
make
your audience comfortable.
Because if they're comfortable they
can
receive your message.
And when I say comfortable I am
not
referring to the fact that
your message has to be sugar
coated and
nice for them to hear.
It can be a harsh message.
But they have to be in a place
where they
can receive it.
So it's incumbent on you as a
communicator
to help your audience feel
comfortable and
we do that by managing our
anxiety.
So let me introduce you to a few
techniques that I think you can
use right away to help you feel
more
comfortable.
The first has to do with when you
begin to
feel those anxiety symptoms.
For most people this happens the,
in the
initial minutes prior to speaking.
In this situation what happens is
many of
us begin to feel whatever it
is that happens to you.
Maybe your stomach gets a little
gurgly.
Maybe your legs begin to shake.
Maybe you begin to perspire.
And then we start to say to
ourselves, oh,
my goodness, I'm nervous.
oh.
 They're gonna tell I'm nervous.
This is not gonna go well.
And we start spiraling out of
control.
So, research on mindful attention
tells us
that if,
when we begin to feel those
anxiety
symptoms,
we simply greet our anxiety and
say hey,
this is me feeling nervous.
I'm about to do something of
consequence.
And simply by greeting your
anxiety and
acknowledging it,
that it's normal and natural.
Heck, 85% of people tell us they
have it.
You actually can stem the tide of
that
 anxiety spiraling out of control.
It's not necessarily going to reduce
the
anxiety but
it will stop it from spinning out.
So the next time you begin to feel
those
anxiety signs,
take a deep breath and say, this is
me
feeling anxious.
I notice a few of you taking some
notes.
There's a handout that will come at
the
end.
It has everything that I'm supposed
to
say, okay?
Can't guarantee I'm gonna say it,
but
you'll have it there.
In addition to this approach, a
 technique
that works very well, and
this is a technique that I helped do
some
research on way back when I was
in
graduate school, has to do with re-
framing
how you see the speaking situation.
Most of us, when we are up
presenting,
planned or
spontaneous, we feel that we have
to do it
right and we feel like we are
performing.
How many of you have ever acted,
done
singing or
dancing, I am not going to ask for
performances now, okay.
Many of you have.
We should note that we could do
 next year,
maybe, a talent show of alums.
It looks like we got the talent there.
That's great.
So when you perform, you know
that there's
a right way and a wrong way to do
it.
If you don't hit your, the right note
or
you right line at the right time,
at the right place, you've made a
mistake.
It messes up the audience.
It messes up the people on stage.
But when you present, there is no
right
way.
There's certainly better and worse
ways.
But there is no one right way.
So we need to look at presenting as
something other than performance.
 And what I'd like to suggest is
what we
need to see this is as is a
conversation.
Right now, I'm having a
conversation with
100 plus people.
Rather than saying I'm performing
for you.
But it's not enough just to say, this
is a
conversation.
I want to give you some concrete
things
you can do.
First, start with questions.
Questions by their very nature are
dialogic, they're two way.
What was one of the very first
things I
did here for you?
I had you count the number of fs
and raise
 your hands.
I asked you a question.
That gets your audience involved,
it makes it feel to me as the
presenter as
if we're in conversation.
So, use questions.
They can be rhetorical.
They can be polling, perhaps I
actually
want to hear information from you.
In fact, I use questions when I
create an
outline for my presentations.
Rather than writing bullet points, I
list
questions that I'm going to answer.
And that puts me in that
conversational
mode.
If you were to look at my notes for
today's talk, you'll see it's just a
series of questions.
 Right now I'm answering the
question, how
do we manage our anxiety?
Beyond questions, another very
useful
technique for
making us conversational is to use
conversational language.
Many nervous speakers distance
themselves
physically.
If you’ve ever seen a nervous
speaker
present, he or
she will say something like this.
Welcome, I am really excited to be
here
with you.
They pull as far away from you as
possible,
because you threaten us, speakers.
You make us nervous so we want
to get away
 from you.
We do the same thing
linguistically.
We use language that distances
ourselves.
It's not unusual to hear a nervous
speaker
say something like,
one must consider the
ramifications.
Or, today we're going to cover step
one,
step two, step three.
That's very distancing language.
To be more conversational, use
conversational language.
Instead of one must consider say,
this is important to you, we all
need to
be concerned with.
Do you hear that inclusive
conversational
language?
 Has to do with the pronouns.
Instead of step 1, step, 2, step 3.
First what we need to do is this, the
second thing you should consider
is here.
Use conversational language, so
being conversational can also help
you
manage your anxiety.
The third technique I would like to
share
is research that I actually started
when I
was an undergraduate here, I was
very
fortunate to study with
Phil Zimbardo of the Stanford
Prison
experiment fame.
Many people don't know that Zim
actually
was instrumental in starting one of
the very first shyness institutes in
 the,
the world and especially in the
country.
And I did some research with him
that
looked at how your orientation to
time
influences how you react.
And what we learned is if you can
bring
yourself into the present moment,
rather than being worried about the
future
consequences,
you can actually be less nervous.
Most of us, when we present, are
worried
about the future consequences.
My students are worried they're not
going
to get the right grade.
Some of you are worried you
might not get
 the funding.
You might not get the support.
You might not get the laughs that
you
want.
All of those are future states.
So if we can bring ourselves into
the
present moment, we're not going to
be
as concerned about those future
states and
therefore we will be less nervous.
There are lots of ways to become
present
oriented.
I know a professional speaker, he's
paid
$10,000 an hour to speak.
It's a good gig.
He gets very nervous.
He's up in front of crowds of
thousands.
 Behind the stage what he does is
100
push-ups right before he comes
out.
[LAUGH] You can't be that
physically
active and not be in the present
moment.
Now, I'm not recommending all of
us go to
that level of exertion cuz he
starts out out of breath and sweaty,
okay?
[LAUGH] But a walk around the
building
before you speak.
That can do it.
There are other ways.
If you've ever watched athletes
perform
and
get ready to do their event, they
listen
 to music.
They focus on a song or a playlist
that
helps get them in the moment.
You can do things as simple as
counting
backwards from 100
by tough number like 17.
I'm gonna pause 'cuz I know
people in the
room are trying.
Yeah.
Get's hard after that third or fourth
one,
I know.
My favorite way to get present-
oriented is
to say tongue twisters.
Saying a tongue twister forces you
to be
in the moment.
Otherwise you'll say it wrong.
And it has the added benefit of
 warming up
your voice.
Most nervous speakers don't warm
up their
voice.
They retreat inside themselves and
start
saying all these bad things to
themselves.
So, saying a tongue twister can
help you
be both present-oriented and
warm up your voice.
Remember, I said today we're
gonna have a
lot of participation?
I'm gonna ask you to repeat after
me my
favorite tongue twister, and
I like this tongue twister because if
you
say it wrong you say a naughty
word, and
 I'm gonna be listening to see if I
hear
any naughty words this morning.
Okay?
Repeat after me.
It's only three phrases.
I slit a sheet.
A sheet I slit.
And on that slitted sheet I sit.
Very good, no shits.
Excellent.
Very good.
Now in that moment, in that
moment, you
weren't worried about,
I'm in front of all these people, this
is
weird, this guy's having me do this.
You were so focused on saying it
right and
trying to figure out what the
naughty word
was that you were in the present
 moment.
That's how easy it is.
So it's very possible for us to
manage our
anxiety.
We can do it initially by greeting
the
anxiety when we begin to feel
those signs.
We can do it when we re-frame the
situation as a conversation.
And we do it when we become
present
oriented.
Those are three of many tools that
exist
to help you manage your anxiety.
If you have questions about other
ways,
I'm happy to chat with you.
And at the end, I'm gonna point
you to
some resources that you can
refer to to help you find additional
sources for you.
So let's get started on the core part
of
what we're doing today,
which is how to feel more
comfortable
speaking in spontaneous situations.
Some very simple ground rules for
you.
First, I'm going to identify four
steps
that I believe are critical to
becoming effective at speaking in,
in a
spontaneous situation.
With each of those steps, I'm going
to ask
you to participate in an activity.
None of them are more painful
than saying
the tongue twister out loud.
They may require you to stand up,
 they
might require you to talk to
the person next to you, but none of
them
are painful.
And then finally, I'm going to
conclude
with a phrase or
saying that comes from the
wonderful world
of improvisation.
Through the continuing studies
program
here at Stanford, for
the past five years, I have co-taught
a
class with Adam Tobin.
He is a lecturer in the Creative Arts
Department.
He teaches film and new media.
And he's an expert at improv.
And we've partnered together to
help
 people learn how to
speak more spontaneously.
We call it improvisationally
speaking.
And Adam has taught me
wonderful phrases
and
ideas from improv that I want to
impart to
you, that really stick.
That's why I'm sharing them with
you, to
help you remember these
techniques.
And again at the end of all this,
you'll
get a handout that has this listed.
So let's get started.
The very first thing that gets in
people's
way when it comes to spontaneous
speaking,
is themselves.
 We get in our own way.
We want to be perfect.
We want to give the right answer.
We want out toast to be incredibly
memorable.
These things are burdened by our
effort,
by our trying.
The best thing we can do,
the first step in our process, is to
get
ourselves out of the way.
Easier said than done.
Most of us in this room are in this
room
because we are type A
personalities.
We work hard, we think fast, we
make sure
that we get things right.
But that can actually serve as a
disservice as we try to
speak in the moment.
 I'd like to demonstrate a little of
this
for you, and I need your help to do
that.
So we're going to do our first
activity.
We are going to do an activity
that's
called shout the wrong name.
In a moment, if you are able and
willing,
I'm going to ask you to stand.
And I am going to ask you, for
about 30
seconds, to look all around you in
this environment, and you are
going to
point at different things.
And I know it's rude to point, but
for
this exercise, please point.
I want you to point to things, and
you are
 going to call the things you
are pointing to, out loud, anything
but
what they really are.
So I might point to this and say,
refrigerator.
I might point to this and say, cat.
I am pointing to anything in your
environment around you.
It can be the person sitting next to
you,
standing next to you.
You will just shout, and shouting is
important, the wrong name.
So in a moment I'm gonna ask you
to stand
and do that.
Please raise your hand if you
already have
the first five or
six things you're going to call out.
>> [LAUGH].
>> Yeah, that's what I'm talking
 about.
We stockpile.
You all are excellent gameplayers.
I told you the game, shout the
wrong name.
And you have already begun
figuring out
how you're going to master the
game.
That's your brain trying to help you
get
it right.
I'd like to suggest,
the only way you can get this
activity
wrong is by doing what you've just
done.
>> [LAUGH].
>> There is no way to get this
wrong.
Okay.
Even if I call this a chair, no
penalty
 will be bestowed upon you.
>> [LAUGH].
>> Okay?
Because I won't know what you
were
pointing at.
You could have been pointing at
the floor
under the chair, and
you called the floor the chair and
you
were fine.
The point is, we are planning and
working
to get it right.
And there is no way to get it right.
Just doing it gets it right.
Okay, so let's try this now.
We're gonna play this game twice.
Again, it's for 30 seconds.
If you are willing and able, will
you
please stand up?
You can do this seated, by the way.
But if you're willing and able, let's
stand up.
Okay, in a moment I am about to
say, go.
And I would like for you to point
at
anything around here, including
me.
It's okay to point at me.
I hope it's not a bad thing you say
when
you point at me.
But point at different things, and
loudly
and
proudly call them different than
what they
are.
Ready?
Begin.
>> [CROSSTALK].
>> Porcupine.
 >> [CROSSTALK].
>> California, salt shaker, car,
library,
tennis racket, purple, orange,
putrid.
Hello.
[NOISE]
Time, time.
[NOISE] Let's,
you can stay standing, cuz in mere
moments, we're going to do it
again.
So if you're comfortable standing,
we're
about to do it again.
First, thank you.
That was wonderful.
I heard great words being called
out.
It was, it was fun.
And some of you in the back were
doing it
in sync.
 So it looked like you were doing
some 70s
disco dance.
It was awesome.
Okay.
This, this was great.
Now, let me ask you just a few
questions.
Did you notice anything about the
words
that you were saying?
Did we find patterns, perhaps?
Maybe some of you were going
through
fruits and vegetables.
A few of you were going through
things
that started with the letter A, right?
That's your brain saying, okay you
told me
not to stockpile, so
I'm gonna try to be a little more
devious
 and I'm gonna give you patterns,
okay?
Same problem.
When we teach that class I told you
about,
that improvisationally speaking
class,
we like to say, your brain is there
to
help you.
These things it's doing have helped
you be
successful, but like a windshield
wiper,
we just wanna wipe those
suggestions away
and see what happens.
Okay.
So we're going to do this activity
again.
This time, try the best you can to
thank
your brain if it provides you
with patterns or stockpiles and just
say
thank you brain.
And disregard them.
Okay, so lets see what happens
when we're
not stockpiling and
we're not playing off patterns.
We'll do this for only 15 seconds,
see how
this feels.
Baby steps.
Ready begin.
[NOISE] Kodak, [NOISE] Bicycle
chain.
Skate board.
Bananas.
Purple.
Putrid.
[NOISE]
Time.
Please have a seat.
Thank you again.
 Did you notice a difference
between the
second time and the first time.
Yes, was it a little easier that
second
time?
No.
That's okay.
We're just starting.
These skills are not like a light
switch.
It's not like you learn these
[UNKNOWN]
skills and
then all of a sudden you can
execute on
them.
This is a wonderful game.
This is a wonderful game to train
your
brain to get out of its own way.
You can play this game anywhere,
anytime.
 I like to play this game when I'm
sitting
in traffic.
>> [LAUGH].
>> Makes me feel better than the, I
shout
things out.
They're not the naughty things that
I
wanna be shouting out.
But I shout out things, and it helps.
You're training yourself to get out
of
your own way.
You're working against the muscle
memory
that you've developed over the
course of
your life with a vain, a brain that
acts
very fast to help you solve
problems.
But in essence, in spontaneous
 speaking
situations,
you put too much pressure on
yourself
trying to figure out how to get it
right.
So a game like this teaches us to
get out
of our own way.
It teaches us to see the things that
we do
that prevent us from acting
spontaneously.
In essence we are reacting rather
than
responding.
To react means to act again.
You've thought it and now you're
acting on
it.
That takes too long and it's too
thoughtful.
We want to respond in a way that's
 genuine
and authentic.
So the maxims I would like for you
to take
from this, and
again these maxims come from
improvisation, is one of my
favorite.
Dare to be dull.
And in a room like this, telling you
dare
to be dull is offensive, and I
apologize.
But this will help.
Rather than stre, striving for
greatness,
dare to be dull.
And if you dare to be dull and
allow
yourself that,
you will reach that greatness.
It's when you set greatness as your
target,
that it gets in the way of you ever
getting there.
Because you over evaluate, you
over
analyze, you freeze up.
So the first step in our process
today, is
to get out of our own way.
Dare to be dull.
Easier said than done.
But once you practice,
and a game just as simple as the
one we
practiced, is a great way to do it.
But that's not enough.
Getting out of our own way is
important.
But the second step of our process
has us
change how we
see the situation we find ourselves
in.
We need to see the speaking
 opportunity
that we are a part of as an
opportunity,
rather than a challenge and a threat.
When I coach executives on Q and
A skills, when they go in front of
the
media or whatever, investors.
They see it as an adversarial
experience,
me versus them.
And one of the first things I work
on is
change the way you approach it.
A Q and A session, for example, is
an
opportunity for you.
It's an opportunity to clarify,
it's an opportunity to understand
what
people are thinking.
So if we look at it as an
opportunity, it
 feels very different.
We see it differently, and therefore
we
have more freedom to respond.
When I feel that you are
challenging me,
I am going to do the bare minimum
to
respond and protect myself.
If I see this as an opportunity
where I
have a chance to explain and
expand, I'm going to interact
differently
with you.
So, spontaneous speaking
situations are
ones that afford you opportunities.
So when you're at a corporate
dinner, and
your boss turns to you and
says, oh, you know him better than
the
 rest.
Would you mind introducing him?
You say, great, thank you for the
opportunity, rather than,
[UNKNOWN] right?
I better get this right.
So see things as an opportunity.
I have a game to play to help us
with
this.
This is a fun one, the holidays are
approaching, we all, in this room,
are going to give and receive gifts.
Here is how this game will work.
It works best if you have a partner.
So I am hoping you can work with
somebody
sitting next to you.
If there is nobody sitting next to
you,
turn around, introduce yourself,
great way
to connect.
 If not, you can play this game by
yourself.
It's just a little harder, and you can't
do the second part of the game.
So, after I explain the game, give,
this
gives you a chance to,
to get to know somebody.
Here's how it works.
If you have a partner, you and
your partner are going to exchange
imaginary gifts, okay?
Pretend you have a gift.
It can be a big gift, can be a small
gift.
And you will give your gift to your
partner.
Your partner will take the gift and
open
it up and
will tell you what you gave them,
because
you have no, you just gave them a
 gift.
So you are going to open up the
box, and
you're going to look inside.
And you are going to say the first
thing
that comes to your mind in the
moment,
not the thing you have all just
thought
of.
>> [LAUGH]
>> Or the thing after that.
Remember what we talked about
before?
That still plays, that's still in play.
Okay, you're stock piling.
Look in there.
My favorite that I said, somebody
gave me
this, a gift during playing this
game,
I looked inside and I saw a frog
 leg.
I don't know why I saw a frog leg,
but
that's what I said.
That's the first part of the activity.
Now, the opportunity is twofold in
this
game.
The opportunity is for you, the gift
receiver, to name a gift.
That's kind of fun.
That's an opportunity.
It's not a threat.
But the real opportunity is for
the gift giver, because the gift giver
then has to say.
So you look and you say thank you
for
giving me a frog's leg, and
the person will, will look at you
and say
I knew you wanted a frog's leg,
because So
 whatever you find the person who
has
received it is going to say
absolutely,
I'm so glad you're happy, I got it
for you
because.
So you have to respond to
whatever they
say.
Right?
What a great opportunity.
Now some of you are sitting there
going,
oh, that's hard.
I don't wanna do it, I might make a
fool
out of myself.
Others of you are, if you're
following
this advice,
are saying, what a great
opportunity.
 Right?
So, the game again is played like
this.
You and your partner will
exchange, each
will exchange a gift.
One will start, then the other will
follow.
The first person will give a gift to
the
second person.
Second person opens the box,
however big
the box is, and if the box is big,
and
you find a penny in it, perfect,
doesn't
matter.
The box is heavy and you find a
feather in
it, fine.
It doesn't, there's no way to get it
wrong.
 Okay?
Whatever's in the box is in the box.
You can return it and get what you
wanted
later.
Okay?
>> [LAUGH]
>> The person, then, you will
name it.
You will say thank you for the,
whatever
you saw in the box.
The person who gave it to you will
say,
I'm so glad you're excited.
I got it for you because.
And you will give a reason that
you got
them whatever they decided you
gave them.
Make sense?
All right.
So, very quickly just,
 in five seconds, find a partner if
you're
willing to do this with a partner.
Everybody have a partner?
>> [LAUGH].
>> Okay.
[BLANK_AUDIO]
All right.
In your partnerships,
in your partnerships, pick an a
person and
a b person.
You may stand or sit, it's totally up
to
you.
Pick an a and pick a b.
Okay?
B goes first, [LAUGH].
All right.
B, give a a gift.
A thank them, and then b will
name and
give the reason they gave it to
 them.
[NOISE]
If
you have not
switched,
switch
please.
If you have not switched, switch
please.
[NOISE]
Let's
wrap it up
in 30 seconds
please.
Let's wrap it up.
[NOISE]
All right.
If we can all have our seats.
[NOISE] If we can all [NOISE]
take our
seats please.
[NOISE] I know I'm telling a room
of many
 MBA alums to stop talking and
that's hard.
[NOISE] All right, ladies and
gentlemen.
Did you get what you wanted?
>> Yes.
>> Pretty neat, huh?
You always get what you want.
Now for some of you this was
really hard
because you, you're really taking
the challenge and, and not seeing
what was
in the box until you looked in
there.
Okay.
Was anybody surprised by what
you
found in the box?
What did you find sir, what was in
the
box?
What?
 Oh, wow!
Nice!
Nice, if you've got a Ferrari you
need a
transmission.
I like it.
Who else found something that
was
surprising?
What did you find?
A live unicorn!
That's a great gift.
Right?
How was it as the gift giver?
Were you surprised at what your
partner
found in the box?
Isn't it interesting that when we
give an
imaginary gift knowing that
the person's gonna name it we
already have
in mind what they're gonna find?
 And when they say live unicorn,
we go well
that's interesting.
Right?
So the point of this game is, to one,
remind ourselves we have to get
out of our
own way,
like we talked about before, but to
see
this as an opportunity and to have
fun.
I love watching people play this
game.
The number of smiles that I saw
amongst
you and, and I have to admit when
I
first started some of you looked a
little
dour, a little doubting, okay?
>> [LAUGH].
>> But in that last game you all
 were smiling and looked like you
were
having fun, so
when you reframe the spontaneous
speaking
opportunity as, as an opportunity,
as something that you co-create
and share.
All the sudden, you are less
nervous, less
defensive,
and you can accomplish something
pretty
darn good.
In this case, a fun outcome.
This reminds us of perhaps the
most famous
of all improvisation sayings,.
Yes and.
A lot of us live our communication
lives
saying no but.
Yes and opens up a tremendous
 amount of
opportunities.
And this doesn't mean you have to
say yes
and to a question somebody asks.
This just means the approach you
take to
the situation.
So you're going to ask me
questions,
that's an opportunity.
Yes, and I will follow through,
versus no
and being defensive.
So, we've accomplished the first
two steps
of our process.
First we get out of our own way,
[UNKNOWN] we can reframe the
situation as
an opportunity.
The next phase is also hard, but
very rewarding, and that is to slow
 down,
and listen.
You need to understand the
demands of the
requirement you find yourself in,
in order to respond appropriately.
But often, we jump ahead.
We listen just enough to think we
got it,
and then we go ahead, starting
[UNKNOWN]
to think about.
What we're gonna respond and
then we
respond.
We really need to listen.
Because fundamentally, as a
communicator,
your job is to be in service of your
audience.
And if you don't understand what
your
audience is asking or
 needs, you can't fulfill that
obligation.
So we need to slow down and
listen.
I have a fun game to play.
[SOUND] In this game you are
going to
S-P-E-L-L E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G
Y-O-U S-A-Y T-O Y-O-U-R P-A-
R-T-N-E-R.
[BLANK_AUDIO]
I will translate.
You're going to get with the same
partner
you just worked with.
And you are going to have a very
brief
conversation about something fun
that you
plan to do today.
I know this is the most fun you are
going
to have all day.
 But the next fun thing you are
going to do
today.
You are going to tell your partner
what
you are going to do that will
be fun today.
But you are going to do so by
S-P-E-L-L-I-N-G I-T.
[BLANK_AUDIO]
Okay?
So you're going to spell it.
It's okay if you are not a good
speller.
>> [LAUGH]
>> 'Kay?
Look I, you'll see the benefit of
doing
this.
So, with the partner you just
worked with,
person a is going to go first this
time.
 You are simply going to tell your
partner.
Actually you're going to spell to
your
partner, what it is of fun,
something of fun, that you're going
to do
today.
Okay?
Do what you were really going to
do for
fun and not do things like F-E-E-D
T-H-E
C-A-T, right,
just cuz you don't wanna spell,
right?
So, you can use big words.
Alright, 30 seconds each.
Spell to your partner something fun
that
you're going to do today.
[BLANK_AUDIO]
Would you like to play?
 [NOISE] Go ahead.
>> G-O-T A-T G-A-M-E.
>> Oh my goodness say it again.
Spell it again.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> G-O-T A-T G-A-M-E.
>> E-X-C-E-L-L-E-N-T.
I H-O-P-E T-H-A-T T-H-E-Y W-I-
N.
>> E-X-C-E-L-L-E-N-T.
>> Thank you.
That was very good.
Thank you.
[BLANK_AUDIO]
[NOISE] If you have not switched,
switch.
Take 30 more seconds with the
new partner
spelling.
[NOISE]
G-R-E-A-T
exclamation
 point.
T-H-A-N-K-Y-O-U.
P-L-E-A-S-E.
T-A-K-E Y-O-U-R S-E-A-T.
[NOISE] So what did we learn?
What did we learn?
Besides that we're not so good at
spelling.
>> [INAUDIBLE]
>> You have to pause between the
words.
How did this change your
interaction with
the person you were interacting
with?
What did you have to do?
>> Focus.
>> Focus, and listen.
And you can't be thinking ahead.
You have to be in the moment.
When you listen and truly
understand what
the person is trying to say,
 then you can respond in a better
way, a
more targeted response.
We often don't listen.
So we start by getting out of our
own way.
We then reframe the situation as an
opportunity.
Those are things we do inside our
head.
But in the moment of interacting,
we have
to listen first,
before we can respond to the
spontaneous
request.
Perhaps my most favorite maxim
comes from
this activity.
Don't just do something, stand
there.
[BLANK_AUDIO]
Listen.
 Listen, and then respond.
Now, how do we respond?
That brings us to the fourth part of
our
process.
And that is, we have to tell a story.
We respond in a way that has a
structure.
All stories have structure.
We have to respond in a structured
way.
The key to successful spontaneous
speaking
and
by the way planned speaking is
having a
structure.
I would like to introduce you to
two of
the most prevalent and popular and
useful
structures you can use to
communicate a
message in a spontaneous situation.
But before we get there, we have to
talk
about the value of structure.
It increases what is called
processing
fluency, the effectiveness of which,
or
through which we process
information.
We actually process structured
information, roughly 40% more
effectively and efficiently than
information that's not structured.
I love looking out in this audience,
because you will remember as I
remember.
Phone numbers.
When you had to remember them
if you
wanted to call somebody.
Okay.
Young folks today don't need to
 remember
phone numbers.
They just need to look at a picture,
push
a button and
then the voice starts talking on the
other
end.
Ten digit phone numbers, it's
actually
hard to remember ten digit phone
numbers.
How did you do it?
You chunked it into a structure.
Three, three and four.
Structure helps us remember.
The same is true when speaking
spontaneously or in a planned
situation.
So let me introduce you to two
useful
structures.
The first useful structure you have
 probably heard or
used in some incarnation, it is the
problem, solution, benefit,
structure.
You start by talking about what the
issue
is, the problem.
You then talk about a way of
solving it,
and then you talk about the
benefits of
following through on it.
Very persuasive, very effective.
Helps you as the speaker remember
it,
helps your audience know where
you're
going with it.
When I was a tour guide on this
campus,
many, many, many years ago,.
What do you think the single most
important thing they
 drilled into our head?
It took a full quarter, by the way, to
train to be a tour guide here.
They used to line us up at one end
of the
quad, and
have us walk backward, straight,
and if
you failed you had to start over.
To this day, I can walk backwards
in a
straight like because of that.
As part of that training,
what do you think the most
important thing
they taught us was?
Never lose your tour group.
>> [LAUGH]
>> I'm not joking.
Never, that's, never lose your tour
group.
The same is true as a presenter.
Never lose your audience.
The way you keep your audience
on track is
by providing structure.
None of you would go on a tour
with me if
I said, hi, my name's Matt.
Let's go.
[BLANK_AUDIO]
You wanna know where you're
going, why
you're going there,
how long it's gonna take?
You need to set expectations and
structure
does that.
Problem, solution, benefit is a
wonderful
structure to have in your back
pocket.
It's something that you can use
quickly
when you're in the moment.
It can be reframed so it's not
 always a
problem you're talking about.
Maybe it's an opportunity.
Maybe there's a market opportunity
you
wanna go out and capture.
It's not a problem that we're not
doing
it.
But maybe we'd be better off if we
did.
So it becomes opportunity,
solution, which
are the steps to achieve it.
And then the benefit.
Another structure.
Which works equally, equally well,
is the
what?
So what?
Now what?
Structure.
You start by talking about what it
 is,
then you talk about why it's
important,
and then what the next steps are.
This is a wonderful formula for
answering
questions.
For introducing people.
So if, in the moment somebody
asks me to
introduce somebody,
I change the what to who.
I say who they are, why they're
important
and what we're gonna do next.
Maybe listen to them, maybe drink
our
wine, whatever.
All right.
What, so what, now what.
The reality is this, when you are in
spontaneously speaking situation,
you have to do two things
 simultaneously.
You have to figure out what to say
and how
to say it.
These structures help you by
telling you
how to say it.
If you can become comfortable
with these
structures, you can be
in a situation where you can
respond very
ably to spontaneous speaking
situations.
We're gonna practice.
Cuz that's what we do.
Here's the situation.
Is everybody familiar with this
child's
toy?
It's a slinky.
Okay?
You are going to sell this slinky to
 your
partner using either problem,
solution, benefit or opportunity,
solution, benefit.
What does the slinky provide you?
Or you could use what, so what,
now what?
What is it?
Why is it important?
And the next steps might be to buy
it,
okay?
So by using that structure, see how
already it helps you?
It helps you focus.
Get with your partner and we,
we're only going to have one
partner sell
to the other partner, okay?
So get with your partner.
One of you will volunteer to sell to
the
other, okay?
 Sell a slinky using problem,
solution,
benefit or what so what, now what?
Please begin.
[NOISE].
>> So we have the handouts, but
I'm also
going to be doing the, the-
>> The microphone?
>> Mic. So. >> When I debrief
this, you
can go ahead and pass them out.
Does that make sense?
>> Okay, so after, after.
>> No no, mm-hm, after this
activity.
>> Okay. And then. >> And then.
>> After that.
>> [NOISE]
30
more
seconds,
please.
 [NOISE]
Excellent.
Let's all close the deal, seal the
deal.
[NOISE] I have never seen.
More people in one place doing
this at the
same time.
[LAUGH]
I love it.
I teach people to gesture and
gesture big,
it's great.
I love it.
So if you were the recipient of the
sales
pitch, thumbs up.
Did they do a good job?
Did they use the structure?
Awesome.
I'm recruiting you all for my next
business as my salespeople.
[LAUGH] Please try to ignore this,
but as we're speaking the handout I
told
you about is coming around.
On the back of that handout,
you're going to see a list of
structures,
the two we talked about and
several others, that can help you in
spontaneous speaking situations.
These structures help.
Because they help you understand,
how
you're going to say what you say.
Structure sets you free and I know
that's
kind of ironic, but it's true, if
you have that structure then you
are free
to think about what you are going
to say.
It reduces the cognitive load of
figuring
out what you are saying, and
 how you are going to say it.
All of this is on that handout,
okay?
So what does this all mean?
It means that we have, within our
ability,
the tools and
the approaches, to help us in
spontaneous
speaking situations.
The very first thing we have to do
is
manage our anxiety,
because you can't be an effective
speaker.
If you don't have your anxiety
under
control.
And we talked about how you can
do that by
greeting your anxiety,
reframing as a conversation, and
being in
 the present moment.
Once you do that, you need to
practice a
series of four steps,
that will help you speak
spontaneously.
First you get out of your own way.
I would love it if all of you, on
your way
from here to the football game,
point at things and call them the
wrong
name.
[LAUGH] It'll be fun.
If most of us do it, then it won't be
weird.
If only one and two of us do it, it'll
be
weird.
Right.
Second.
Give gifts.
By that I mean see your
 interactions as
ones of opportunity, not
challenges.
Third, take the time to listen, listen.
And then finally, use structures.
And you have to practice these
structures.
I practice these structures on my
kids.
I have two kids.
When they ask me questions, I
usually
answer them in what, so what, now
what.
They don't know it.
But, when they go over to their
friends'
houses and
they see their friends ask their dads
questions, they don't get what, so
what, now what.
So, you know, you have to
practice.
 The more you practice, the more
comfortable you will become.
Ultimately you have the
opportunity before
you to become more compelling,
more confident, more connected as
a
speaker, if you leverage these
techniques.
If you're interested in learning
more,
this is where I do a little plug.
'Kay, I've written a book.
Many of the MBA students who
take the
strategic communication classes,
here that I and others teach read it.
It's called SPEAKING UP
WITHOUT FREAKING
OUT.
More importantly,
there's a website here that I curate
called
NOFREAKINGSPEAKING.COM.
And it has lots of information that
I've
written, and
others have written about how to
become
more effective at speaking.
So that's, that's the end of my plug.
What I'd really like to do is, enter
into
a spontaneous speaking situation
with you.
And I would love to entertain any
questions that you have.
There are two people who are
running
around with microphones, so
some of us re, who remember the
Phil
Donahue show.
We're gonna do a little bit of that.
If you have a question, the
microphone
 will come, and I'm happy to
answer it.
>> Yeah.
>> I think if you-
>> Is it on?
>> Yep, yep.
[LAUGH] We can hear you.
>> Great.
Can you talk about hostile
situations?
>> Hostile situations, yes.
So when you find yourself in a
challenging
situation.
First, It should not be a surprise to
you.
It should not be a surprise.
Before you ever speak,
you should think about what is the
environment going to be like?
So it shouldn't surprise you that
there
might be some challenges in the
 room.
When there are hostile situations
that
arise, you have to acknowledge it.
So if somebody says, that's a
ridiculous
idea, why did you come up with
that?
To simply say, so, the idea I came
up with
was, right?
Acknowledge the emotion, I
recommend not
naming the emotion, right?
So, you sound really angry, the
person's,
I'm not angry, I'm frustrated.
Now we're arguing over their
mental state,
right?
Emotional state.
So, so I say something like, I hear
you
have a lot of passion on this issue,
or,
I hear there's great concern from
you.
So you acknowledge the emotion,
cuz
otherwise it sits in the room.
And then reframe and respond the
way that
makes sense.
So if somebody raises their hand
and says,
your product is ridiculously priced.
Why do you charge so much?
I might say I hear great concern,
and what
you're really asking about is the
value of
our product, and I would give my
value
proposition, and
then I would come back and say,
and
 because of the value we provide.
We believe it's priced fairly.
So you answer the question about
price,
but you've reframe it in a way that
you
feel more comfortable answering
it.
So, th, the way to do this is to
practice
all the skills we just talked about.
The only skill that I'm adding to
this is
the awareness in
advance that you might be in that
situation.
First I have to truly listen to what
I'm
hearing, right?
It's very easy for me when I hear a
challenging question,
to get all defensive and not hear
what the
 person's asking.
I see it as an opportunity to reframe
and
explain.
Okay so, again, you have to
practice.
But, that's how I think you address
it.
Are there other questions?
I see a question back here, yes,
please.
>> Yes, first of all, thank you very
much.
Great, great presentation.
>> Thank you.
>> For a lot of the the speaking I
do,
I have remote audiences, audiences
distributed all over the country,
with telecom.
Any tips for those kinds of
audiences?
>> So when you are speaking in a
 situation
where not everybody is co-located,
okay?
In fact, at this very moment,
there are people watching this
presentation remotely.
What you need to do is be mindful
of it.
Second, try to include engagement
techniques where the audience
actually has
to do something.
So, physical participation is what
we did
here with the games.
You can ask your audience to
imagine
something,
imagine what it would be like if,
when we
try to achieve a goal, rather than
say
here is the goal we are trying to
 achieve,
say imagine what it would be like
if.
See what that does to you, it pulls
you
in, I can take polling questions,
most of
the technology that you are
referring to
has some kind of polling feature.
You can open up some kind of
Wiki or
Google Doc, or some collaborative
tool.
Where people can be doing things
and
you can be monitoring that while
you're
presenting.
So I might take some breaks.
I talk for ten, 15 minutes and say,
okay,
let's apply this and
 let's go into this Google Doc I've
created, and I see what people are
doing.
So it's about variety and it's about
engagement.
Those are the ways that you really
connect
to people who are remote from
you.
Okay, other questions?
Who, you're pointing oh,
[LAUGH], I've got
to look for where the mic is.
>> This may be similar to
the first question,
>> Sure.
>> But I do a lot of expert witness
testimony.
What's your recommendation for
handling
cross-examination?
[LAUGH] Specifically,
specifically a
 hostile one.
>> I feel like I'm being cross-
examined.
>> It's very hostile.
[LAUGH].
In any speaking situation that you
go into
that has some planned element to it
I
recommend identifying certain
themes, that
you think are important or
believe need to come out.
And then with each one of those
themes
have some examples and
concrete evidence that you can use
to
support it.
You don't go in with memorized
terms, or
ways of saying it.
You just have ideas and themes,
 and then
you put them together as
necessary.
So, when I'm in a situation where
people
are interrogating me.
I have certain themes that I wanna
get
across, and make sure that I,
I can do that in a way that fits the
needs in the moment.
If it's hostile, again, you, the, the
single best tool you have to
buy yourself time and to help you
answer a
question efficiently is
paraphrasing.
The paraphrase is like the Swiss
Army
knife of communication.
If you remember the show
MacGyver, it's
your MacGyver tool, right?
 So when a question comes in.
The way you paraphrase it allows
you the
opportunity to reframe it,
to think about your answer and, to
pause
and make sure you got it right.
So when you're under those
situations, if
you have an opportunity to
paraphrase it,
say, so what you're really asking
about is
x, y and z.
That gives you the opportunity to
employ one of these techniques.
Now I've never been an expert
witness, cuz
I'm not an expert on anything, but.
Those tools I believe could be
helpful.
The microphone is back there.
Thank you.
 >> Thank you so much.
This has been so helpful and
enjoyable
this morning.
Would you please show the last
screen, so
we can get down the name of the
book you
have written and the information?
>> Absolutely.
>> Thank you.
[LAUGH] I think they actually,
you might
even have an opportunity,
it's on the sheet too, everything I
said
is on the back of that sheet, but
I am happy to have this behind me
while I talk.
[LAUGH] Other questions?
Yes please?
>> Yes, I work with groups that,
from,
 that represent many different
cultural
backgrounds.
>> Yes.
>> So
are there any caveats or is this a
universal strategy.
>> So in terms of,
from your perspective as the
speaker,
>> Yes.
>> I believe this applies.
But when you, whenever you
communicate,
part of the listening aspect is
also thinking about and is who is
my
audience and what are their
expectations?
So what are the cultural
expectations of
the audience that, I'm presenting
to?
 So there might be certain norms
and rules
that are expected.
So when I travel and
do talks I have to take into account
where
I'm doing the, the presentations.
So I, I'm, I help present in the
Ignite program.
If you have not heard about the
Ignite
program here at the GSB it's
fantastic.
And I just did a presentation
standing in
one of these awesome classrooms
that have
all these cameras and I just taught
35
people in Santiago Chile.
And I needed to understand the
cultural
expectations of that area.
 And what they expect and
what they're willing to do, when I
ask them to participate.
So, it, it's part of that listening step
where you reflect on what
are the expectations of the
audience.
I think we have time for two more
questions and
then I'm gonna hang around
afterwards if
anybody has individual questions.
But, some of these folks really
want me to
keep on schedule.
Yes, please?
>> I wanted to ask you a question.
One of the things that you've done
effectively in your talking.
And I've seen other effective
speakers do,
is interject humor.
>> Mm-hm.
 >> In their talk.
How, what are the risks and
rewards of
trying to do that.
>> Well first, thank you, and I
appreciate
all of you laughing.
Those are, that's the sum total of all
my jokes, you've heard them,
I'm not funny beyond those jokes.
[LAUGH] So humor is
wonderfully
connecting.
It's wonderfully connecting, it's a
great tool for
connection, it is very, very risky.
Cultural reasons get in the way,
sometimes what you think is funny
isn't funny to other people.
What research tells us is that if
you're
going to try to be funny,
self-deprecating humor is your best
 bet, okay?
Because it is the least risky, there
is nothing worse than putting out a
joke and
having no response.
It actually sets you back farther
than if
you would have gotten,
where you would have gotten if the
joke would have hit, so
basic fundamentals you need to
think about
with humor.
One, is it funny, how do I know, I
ask other people first.
Second, what happens if it doesn't
work?
Have a backup plan, right?
And then third, if you're worried
about
the answers to those first two,
don't do it, right?
One last question please.
 The microphone is right here.
And then like I said, I will hang
around afterwards.
Yes, please.
>> I I'm sort of on the opposite
side of
this, since I'm a journalist.
>> Mm-hm.
>> And I frequently have to ask
spontaneous questions of people,
who have
been through media training.
>> Yes.
>> So.
[LAUGH] So any tips for
chinks in the armor, way to ask.
[LAUGH]
>> Ask a question without being
antagonistic, but
get a facsimile of a straight answer.
>> Well, so let me give you two
answers.
One is I I have young boys, and the
 power
of the why is great.
Just ask why a couple times, and
and you can get through that first
two layers of training.
[LAUGH] You know, why do you
say that?
How do you feel about that?
the, the second bit is.
To.
What I have found successful in
getting people to.
I do this to get people to answer in
a more authentic way.
What I'll do is I'll ask them to give
advice.
So what advice would you give
somebody
who's challenged with this?
Or what advice would you give to
somebody
in this situation?
And by asking for
 the advice, it changes the
relationship
they have to me as the question
asker.
And I often get much more rich
detailed information.
So the power of the why, and
then put them in a position of
providing
guidance, and that can really work.
With that, I'm going to thank you
very much.
I welcome you to ask questions
later, and
enjoy the rest of your reunion
weekend.
>> Thank you.

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