Fri(end)s.

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/55516027.

Rating: Explicit
Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: M/M
Fandom: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Relationship: Kim Namjoon | RM/Kim Seokjin | Jin
Characters: Kim Seokjin | Jin, Kim Namjoon | RM, Park Jimin (BTS), Kim Taehyung | V,
Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Min Yoongi | Suga, Jeon Jungkook
Additional Tags: Minor Min Yoongi | Suga/Park Jimin, Writer Kim Namjoon | RM, Model Kim
Seokjin | Jin, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Omega Kim Seokjin | Jin, Alpha
Kim Namjoon | RM, Friends With Benefits, Friends with Benefits Kim
Namjoon | RM/Kim Seokjin | Jin, Mpreg, Pining, Mutual Pining, Not Actually
Unrequited Love, Idiots in Love, Sad Kim Seokjin | Jin, Kim Namjoon | RM
Being an Idiot, Smut, Flashbacks, Discussion of Abortion, Angst with a Happy
Ending, Bottom Kim Seokjin | Jin, Top Kim Namjoon | RM, Kim Seokjin | Jin
is Bad at Feelings, Kim Namjoon | RM is Bad at Feelings, Kim Namjoon | RM
& Kim Seokjin | Jin are Best Friends, Kim Namjoon | RM/Kim Seokjin | Jin-
centric, Kim Namjoon | RM Has a Crush on Kim Seokjin | Jin, Kim Seokjin |
Jin Has a Crush on Kim Namjoon | RM, they just don't know it, Parents Kim
Namjoon | RM & Kim Seokjin | Jin, Cute Jeon Jungkook, ;), Unplanned
Pregnancy, idiot plot, Domestic Fluff, Domestic Kim Namjoon | RM/Kim
Seokjin | Jin, Omega Verse, Childbirth, Mild Blood
Language: English
Collections: Namjin Comeback Fest
Stats: Published: 2024-06-19 Words: 41,600 Chapters: 1/1
 Fri(end)s.
by Helen8811

Summary

They're just friends.

Sure they help each other out during Seokjin's heat and Namjoon's rut, but they're absolutely just
friends. They can stop anytime, no hard feelings.
Except Seokjin has a grape sized problem and Namjoon is definitely not in denial.

Prompt:

Alpha Namjoon has big plans for himself - he’s got a 10 year plan to make sure he makes a name
for himself and mating doesn’t have a place in that plan.

Which is why the arrangement he has with his omega friend, Seokjin, works so well. They spend
every one of Namjoon’s ruts and Seokjin’s heats together and there’s no mating expectations and no
strings attached. It’s perfect … until it’s not - maybe Jin’s caught feelings and is trying to run from
them, maybe Namjoon has started hanging out with another omega and Jin is jealous (or vice
versa).

DW: the other members being their friends who have warned them about their friends with benefits
situation
DNW: toxic behaviour

Notes

Here we go again with me trying something I'm kind of not all that comfortable with. But weirdly
enough I enjoyed writing this way more than '-redacted-.'
Maybe because I didn't try and throw in every trope under the sun.

Anyway, this fic has some warnings to take into consideration.

If MPreg isn't your thing then maybe don't continue. Also there is going to be a stark discussion
about abortion and vague description of childbirth, so keep that in mind.
And there's some smut spotted about, nothing particularly explicit (I think?), but just like to
mention it anyway.

Any large chunks of text in italic are mostly flashbacks (with I think one exception, but you'll see
when you get there).

I've put some more universe law in the bottom notes if you want to read that too.
See the end of the work for more notes
🐹
The article lay sprawled where he’d left it on his unmade bed. It was mocking him, almost as much
as his little collection of assorted plastic friends.

Every single one of them taunting him, actually, he took it back. They were far worse than the
infernal magazine.

This absolutely could not be happening. Not now.

The three minute timer once more beeped loudly in the cream tiled hotel bathroom. Shrill and loud
as it echoed off the walls. Seokjin fumbled hurriedly to turn it off, as he had every time. Were the
walls thin? He didn’t know and the last thing he needed was some nosy neighbour wondering why
his alarm was going off multiple times in the middle of the night.

He turned over the seventh and final one. Smooth and white, the blue cap protecting the part he’d
peed on.

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting honestly, this was literally the seventh one he’d done, so
even if it didn’t back the others up, it meant nothing.

Still, the digital window screamed the word at him.

One test, he could have dismissed as a false positive. Two, ok he’d have to reconsider things, but
seven? All those lines and crosses and now the pièce de résistance, clear as a bell in black and grey.
“Pregnant”.

He sat on the closed toilet lid and held his head in his hands. What was he going to do?

🐨
Things could not be going better.

Namjoon slid the Stanley knife along the tape that sealed shut the big nondescript cardboard box on
his desk. He took a deep breath and slowly opened the flaps.

“Look at my babies.” He pulled out the protective padding and gazed down in wonderment at the
first fifty volumes of his latest novel, fresh from the publishers. So new he was surprised they
weren’t still warm or something.
Their dust jackets were shiny and unblemished, the beautifully illustrated front cover pointed up at
his office's ceiling.

“Very pretty.” Hoseok said, looking at Namjoon with fondness.

He flashed a smile at his friend and editor and carefully pulled out one of the top hardbacks. He
held it like his first born and as carefully as he could he opened the cover, enjoying the cracking of
the binding, the scent of the paper and the soy ink, this was always his favourite part of his job. He
sighed happily as he ran a hand over the smooth parchment then he pulled the lid off a blue sharpie
with his teeth and signed the inside.

“Make sure this one gets put to one side.”

“Your Mum’s copy?”

“Seokjin’s. I promised I’d sign a copy for him. He still hasn’t forgiven me for not gifting him a first
edition of ‘Moonchild’.” Namjoon chuckled to himself as he put it to one side and took out another
book.

“ This one’s for my Mum.”

“When are you two going to make it official?”

Namjoon stopped mid message.

“Official? What?”

“You and Seokjin. I mean, you’re going to propose right? It’s been what? Seven years now?”

Namjoon continued writing slowly.

“Ten. And It’s not like that.” He closed it and reached for another.

When he got no reaction he looked up at Hoseok. It wasn’t hard to miss the confusion on his face.

“What?”

“Nothing I just… I’ve never understood this weird thing you two have.”

“There’s nothing to understand. It works for us. Neither of us want to be tied down but we need…
You know…. It’s convenient.” He waved the pen around and began a new message in a third book.

“And when he meets someone? Or you do?”

Namjoon laughed. “Then I’ll be happy for him and I’d hope he’d be happy for me too.”

“You really don’t have feelings for him?”

“I mean…. I care about him, of course. We’ve been friends since we were children. But it’s just
sex. During my last rut he helped to proofread one of my manuscripts for goodness sake.”

“First, way too much information and second, that sounds like typical mate shit to me. I bet he
cooks for you and runs you baths and gives you massages and…”
Namjoon threw the pen top at him.

“I told you, it’s not like that. He knows how I feel about mates and all that nonsense. It’s why we
started in the first place so we had someone we trust but no strings.”

“You’re an idiot.”

Namjoon shook his head. “It’s just an arrangement. And yeah, I fully expect him to move on at
some point and that’s fine. He deserves to settle down with someone who wants marriage and
marks and a house with kids and a dog or whatever. Although he’d probably prefer a cat over a
dog.” Namjoon placed another book on the small pile of signed copies. “But it won’t be with me.
And he’s cool with that.”

🐹
This was cool. Everything was cool. He ignored his shaking hands.

Concentrating on letting the dressers do their thing, buttoning the weird oversized neon blue tartan
blazer over the wide legged matching trousers that covered his entire feet. Someone else was fixing
the huge wide brimmed hat in place and then the stage manager was waving him forward through
the chaos backstage. The woman with the mic seemingly surgically attached to her face was calling
out instructions in Italian and then she was motioning him forwards loudly and gesticulating to
him. He walked out into the relative calm of the show.

It was totally cool.

He stepped out on the runway, following the female model ahead in a similar fabric made into an
enlarged baby doll dress.

Cameras flashed as he passed. A soft murmur from the crowd followed him as he reached the turn.
His platform boots unseen under the huge amount of fabric slapped quietly on the white catwalk He
kept his face impassive as always.

Cool.

His stomach gave an alarming gurgle.

He turned and concentrated on the ten mile long walk back to the changing area.

At least it felt like ten miles. The rows of filled seats seemed to just keep going and going as tunnel
vision started to set in making him wobble. The model in front, an Irish beta girl with gorgeous
voluminous curly brown hair, seemed to be slowing, everything seemed to be slowing.

He could not do this here, he needed to reach backstage, he was so close.

Saliva filled his mouth, he swallowed desperately. She turned and disappeared behind the screens.
Just a few more steps.

He made his own turn, hands ripped off the hat but he didn’t care, he grabbed a nearby bin and
emptied his stomach into it.

Someone rubbed his back, someone else screamed not to get anything on the clothes.

Hands were undoing buttons and he didn’t care. He let them remove the jacket and the under shirt
all the while he heaved and retched bile on top of the rubbish.

Everything was cool.

Somehow he made it through the next two shows he was booked for. Somehow he made it back to
his assigned hotel room. Showered and crawled under the duvet of his makeshift nest. It was a poor
excuse for one, he only had the contents of his suitcase and a few extra pillows he'd found in the
wardrobe to work with, but he had one of Namjoon's hoodies that helped. He buried his face in it,
wishing it still smelt like him, but alas, it only smelt like Seokjin.

⁓⁂⁓

He finished decanting the last Tupperware container with Dak Gomtang right as the front door
opened.

“Hi.” He pulled open the fridge. “I wasn’t expecting you for anther couple of hours, I only just
finished cooking.”

“Hi.” Came the mumbled reply.

Seokjin could already smell it as he walked over to him. “Came early huh?”

Namjoon nodded and tipped forward, resting his head on Seokjin’s chest.

Seokjin simply chuckled and rubbed his back.

“Go and get undressed, I’ll run you a bath.”

Namjoon gave a low whine and looped his arms around Seokjin’s waist, pulling him closer.

“Come on, I made soup and everything.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I expect a shit load of jelly sweets in December.”

“Deal.” Namjoon pulled away and slowly made his way towards Seokjin’s bedroom, leaving his
jacket and shoes in a pile by the door.

Seokjin rolled his eyes but dutifully picked them up and put them away.

Namjoon always got a bit lethargic during pre-rut, something to do with his body wanting him to
sleep before the main event.

A bath was the perfect place to unwind and relax his body and more importantly his mind so he
could sleep for eight to ten hours.

It was pretty much their routine by now, something they had ironed out after the first time Seokjin
had offered to be his rut partner. That had been a long time ago, a lot of time to figure out what the
other needed. It hadn't always been this easy though. That first time had been... An experience.
Certainly not as uncomplicated as his heat where they hadn't had the option to be awkward.

Planning Namjoon's first rut had been trial and error, the only thing Namjoon had said about it
was he had hated his experience at the hotel and so Seokjin had wanted to go out of his way to
make it a nicer experience. Maybe he'd tried too hard that first time. But now years down the line
they had reached a deep understanding.

It wasn't a big bathroom, but unlike a lot of places, his had a tub on one side of the room that was a
decent size and more than big enough for two.

Seokjin dropped a lavender and sandalwood bath bomb into the water that already had peony
scented bubble bath in it and watched the water slowly turn a pretty purple.

“Smells delightful in here.” Namjoon hugged him tightly from behind.

Seokjin wasn’t sure if he was talking about the fragrant water or his own scent, seeing as Namjoon
was inhaling deeply against his skin.

Another sign Namjoon was entering his pre-rut was him becoming more clingy and constantly
seeking out Seokjin’s neck.

Seokjin never brought it up because what they did was unconventional enough as it was without
adding the extra intimacy scenting brought into it.

So if it helped him get through the next 72 hours more smoothly, who was he to deny it. Even if he
had to spend an extra twenty minutes scrubbing in the shower to stop smelling like Namjoon once it
was over.

Namjoon was wearing Seokjin’s pink bathrobe with the cat ears on the hood that he must have
found in Seokjin’s room. He unabashedly undid the tie and slid off his broad frame to pool on the
tiled floor. He then kicked off the matching slippers and climbed into the water giving a little hiss as
the water came up to mid calf.

“Too hot?”

Namjoon just shook his head and put the other foot in, then he sat, eyes closing, exhaling with a
moan as a tsunami of purple bubbles sloshed up the sides, almost spilling over as his weight
displaced the water.
He slid down the bath until the water covered his nipples and touched his chin, head resting on the
inflatable pillow suckered to the tub.

“Good?”

“So good.” Namjoon smiled, he looked up at Seokjin. “Are you getting in?”

“Do you want me too?”

Namjoon’s wet arm emerged from the foam, bubbles clinging to the dark hairs, tiny rainbows
sparkling under the bathroom lights. “Please?”

Seokjin clasped his hand briefly then pulled off his T-shirt and bottoms and carefully stepped in,
sitting carefully between Namjoon’s feet facing him. Namjoon’s fingers closed around his right
ankle, thumb stroking the bone.

“I thought today would never end. Just meeting after meeting. And I could feel it coming, I’ve
never felt this drained before.

Seokjin picked up one of his legs, his foot naturally fitting against his shoulder and massaged his
calf.

“That’s nice.”

Even though he knew Namjoon couldn’t see him through his shut eyelids, Seokjin still smiled at
him, fingers digging into the flesh and knotted muscles.

When the muscle was no longer taught, he switched to the other.

He wondered if Namjoon had in fact fallen asleep. His face relaxed, breathing deep and even his
thumb had stopped moving against Seokjin’s skin.

He let go of his leg and Namjoon proved him wrong. His eyes opened and he frowned, next thing
Seokjin knew he'd knelt and turned, leaning back against Seokjin’s chest.

Seokjin laughed softly as Namjoon pulled his arms around him.

They lay like that for a while, the scented steam relaxing. He ran his fingers lightly over Namjoon’s
warm toned body, humming a song he’d heard at a shoot that morning.

He reached over to the shelf that ran along the bath and picked up an exfoliator.

Seokjin squirted some shower cream onto it and rubbed it into a lather before methodically
cleaning his stomach and chest and down his arms. When he was satisfied with his cleansing he
created little waves that ran over Namjoon’s body, washing away the suds.

Then with a little protest, he pushed Namjoon to sit up so he could wash Namjoon’s back too. Using
the slippery bubbles to reduce the friction as he massaged his tense shoulders.

Namjoon grunted appreciatively as Seokjin worked a particularly stubborn knot.

He repeated the action to rinse him off and Namjoon again slumped back against him once more,
pulling Seokjin's arms tight around him.
The forgotten cleaning mitt sank into the cooling water as they just soaked together, Seokjin
wrapped around his bigger body.

Seokjin let him lay there a little longer, feeling him breathe steadily against his chest, their fingers
interlocking over Namjoon’s stomach.

The bubbles began to disappear and the water had become tepid when he finally nudged Namjoon
to wake him fully.

“I’m going to wash off in the shower. Do you want to soak some more?”

Namjoon protested with a low groan but turned his head and opened his eyes. “No.” He gave a
resigned sigh and sat up. “The water's going cold, I’ll just join you.”

“Okay.” Seokjin gave his shoulders a squeeze and extracted his legs from either side of Namjoon’s
body.

He got to his feet with difficulty, trying to avoid stepping on the other man, then held out his hand
for Namjoon.

Tugging him to his feet with minimal effort and leading him across the small room to the glass
doors.

It was a little difficult trying to shower with Namjoon’s hulking form practically draped over him,
but he managed. He washed both their hair and rinsed them both off before wrapping them in
towels.

He had to force Namjoon to let him dry his hair, he was basically asleep sitting up by that point, so
he left it mostly damp before letting him lie down.

“Are you sure you’re not hungry?”

Namjoon had already curled around him, nuzzling into his neck.

“Mmm later.” He mumbled.

“Ok. Get some rest.”

“Night hyung.”

“Goodnight Joonie.”

⁓⁂⁓

He must have dozed off because the room was now fully dark with only the lights of Milan
illuminating the room.
Then he realised what must have roused him, three sharp knocks. He hadn’t ordered anything
which could only mean one thing.

He peered through the spy hole and met a fish-eyed close up of a chocolate brown eye.

It brought a smile to his face, the first smile that day he thought, and he unlocked his door.

“We’re in a beautiful historic city and you’re sleeping.”

Seokjin gave Jimin a smile. “You’re acting like this is a new thing.” He stood aside and let them in.

“What Jimin means to say is we heard you were sick and we wanted to make sure you were ok.”
Taehyung handed him a bag with vitamin water and cheese crackers in it. “Meant to help settle
your stomach.” Taehyung hugged him.

“Oh. Right, thanks.”

He wasn’t surprised, news travelled fast backstage, even if they were working for different fashion
houses.

“And they’re like two calories a cracker.” Jimin smirked.

Seokjin knew that was utter bollocks but he smiled at Jimin regardless.

“May as well eat the packaging.” Seokjin joked as he ripped open the cardboard, only now
realising he was in fact kind of hungry.

“Are you ok?” Jimin dropped the smile looking genuinely concerned instead.

“Yeah, fine, I must have eaten something that didn’t agree with me. Now I’ve had a sleep, I feel
fine.” A lie. Jimin too, looked at him sceptically.

But he absolutely could not tell anyone. Especially not these two. Jimin would tell Yoongi and
Taehyung would tell Hoseok and both would tell Namjoon and he absolutely could not find out
about this.

Not until he decided what he wanted to do first.

The urge to touch his stomach was overwhelming, instead he dumped the contents of the bag on the
bed and unscrewed the lid of a lemon water, sipping it slowly.

“Are you going to be ok, did your agent say anything?”

“Sungyeol just told me to get an early night and that I have a fitting at 8am tomorrow” Seokjin
gave a rueful smile. “Nothing I didn’t expect”.

Jimin nodded in solidarity. “Is there anything we can do?”

Seokjin smiled. “No, but thanks for this, much appreciated.”

“It was the least we could do hyung.” Taehyung said.

The two of them made themselves at home on his spare bad and ate their pasta bowls while he
nibbled at the plain biscuits. He dipped one in Jimin’s tomato sauce, it wasn't half bad and maybe
they did have some magical abilities, his stomach seemed to settle. They lounged on his bed and
watched TV in a language none of them understood. ‘Namjoon would have understood’. He
thought and huffed a little at thinking about it.

But he wasn’t wrong, Namjoon spoke several languages and was a huge fan of Italian culture.
Namjoon had even considered joining him in Milan for fashion week but his book release was
coming up and he was needed back in Seoul.

Seokjin had tried to hide that he was a little disappointed. But now, now that he knew what he
knew. He was glad.

They left him not long after the bells of the cathedral rang midnight, promising to meet up again
before they all departed.

Seokjin didn’t have the heart to tell them he just wanted to hide in his room. He’d already turned
down invitations to the Dolce and Gabana after party and a couple of smaller ones at the end of the
week. Even at his best he hated the parties. The alcohol, the drugs, the sex, the mingling with
strangers. It wasn’t for him. He’d made the mistake early on, back when he’d been naïve, when his
former agent had told him to just say yes to everything to make connections.

Ok, maybe not everything, the thought of putting anything up his nose had always made him want
to gag. But he’d tried weed a few times and for a while he’d been a smoker. Back when he’d been
religiously obsessed about his weight.

‘Can’t do that now.’ He thought as he looked at his flushed face in the bathroom mirror.

He moved his toothbrush rhythmically over his teeth and looked down, realising his hand had
found his tummy.

He moved it away jerkily and spat into the washbasin.

What the hell was he going to do?

He went back to bed and lay there on his back, a pillow cuddled to his chest.

He wanted to go home. He wanted to see his mother. Fuck, what was she going to say? She’d be
supportive but deep down he knew she was going to be so disappointed with him.

Even if it was becoming less and less taboo for unmated, or unmarried omegas having pups alone,
he’d been brought up in a relatively traditional household. To the point where when he'd first
presented they'd considered sending him to an all male omega school. They'd even tried to stop him
being friends with Namjoon for a while. Worried they would get up to something.

Seokjin laughed to himself. If only they knew.

And while he thought she might suspect something about Namjoon and himself these days, she
definitely didn’t know about any of the details about their arrangement. And had never asked him
any questions.

He groaned and covered his face with his arm.

At best he had a couple of months to figure something out. All his jobs for the next year would
have to be voided. That was going to be a headache. His agency would probably terminate his
contact. He’d be unemployed, single with a kid. He had savings but how long would they last?
Especially if he was sued.

He didn’t personally know any beta or omega models who had children. It was pretty much a death
sentence for any model's career unless you were an ‘A’ lister. And while he might be sought after in
certain circles specifically for his face and body proportions which were pretty unique amongst
omegas. He was absolutely not in that ‘A’ list category, no one outside of the business knew his
name. And then there was his age. At 32 he wasn’t exactly getting any younger. He’d hoped he’d
have a few more years in him yet, but this….. This would most likely limit what he did career wise
going forward.

Dread and shame flowed through his veins and arteries, he broke out in a cold sweat and once more
his stomach bubbled ominously. He rolled over on his side, pulling his knees up to his chest and
closed his eyes.

There was really only one choice.

⁓⁂⁓

There were fireworks going off. The room lit with flashes or red and gold. Bangs and pops and
crackles. It reminded him of the night he presented, only this time he wasn't alone.

Seokjin arched his back as he came. Breathing hard as sweat dripped off his forehead. Fingers dug
into his hips, flexing as Namjoon’s knot started to swell. Seokjin dropped his face into the pillow,
gripping the sheets as his body came down from his first orgasm.

With a low grunt Namjoon pushed it inside and came.

He could feel it, spasming inside him. Namjoon ran his hands over his back.

“Okay?”

Seokjin nodded, still too out of breath and blissed out to reply.

His arms were shaking from holding up his weight but Namjoon was already a step ahead, gently
pulling him up and supporting him so they could lie on their sides.

“Happy new year.” Namjoon whispered against his neck.

“Hmmm.” Seokjin was already starting to drift off.

What a way to see in the new year.

⁓⁂⁓
It was still very early, the sun still hidden behind the horizon. Not that the horizon was visible from
where he sat next to the Cathedral square, sipping a chai tea while bundled up in his big coat,
shivering slightly in the February early morning. His oversized sunglasses were useless in the dark
but they hid the purple bags under his eyes, the mask that was currently resting under his chin
helped to hide his bitten lips.

He’d slept badly, plagued by bizarre dreams of riding buses and losing all his belongings, then he’d
wake with a jerk. He’d eventually given in and spent a long time in the shower. Using his go too
scent masking body wash which was usually the only thing he used. Then he’d got back into bed
and searched on his laptop to find out what the highest dosage of scent blocker was safe for him to
take. Once he’d swallowed two of his little pink pills he finally doused himself in his deodorant and
his expensive CHANEL scent masking eau de parfum that he normally only used for special
occasions.

Maybe it was overkill. Most omegas just picked one, maybe two methods and stuck with it. But the
last thing he needed was someone picking up anything untowards. Even if his scent was really only
detectable on close contact, but that was the thing, there were so many people who wanted to greet
him with air kisses, getting right up in his space not to mention the clothing that he had to wear,
that he could take no chances.

He watched the large open space slowly fill with people. Mostly tourists getting dawn shots of the
magnificent cathedral and the monument of some important king. Or locals getting coffee and
breakfast as they headed off to work.

He finished his drink and took a walk, finding himself in a small piazza with a fountain in the
middle.

Pigeons pecked about around his feet as he perched on a bench.

He had time to kill, 8am was still an hour away and the venue was right across from where he sat.
There were already people making their way to the site, the men and women who made sure
everything ran smoothly, grips, sound technicians, show coordinators. Seokjin recognised one of
the ladies entering the building, her phone stuck to her ear. He could even hear her fast Italian and
didn’t envy whoever she was yelling at.

It was almost 3pm in Seoul. His Mum had told him about her trip with her friends to some spa in
the mountains, and his Dad was at the golf course, ironically with Namjoon’s father; because of
course he was. They’d probably finished their round and he could imagine him in the bar drinking
to a good game. Maybe even talking about their sons.

He hadn’t spoken to Namjoon in days. Not since his quick text to say he’d arrived safely.

Seokjin didn’t want to admit that he was purposely ignoring him, that was such a shitty thing to do
to someone he was close to. Close enough that they shared their most vulnerable times together.
But he was. He was ignoring his phone every time it buzzed with a new message. A new reminder
of what a horrible person he was.
Namjoon didn’t deserve it.

He watched a male pigeon follow a female around, cooing at her, dipping his head to entice her as
she was just trying to eat some crumbs someone had dropped.

Six weeks and six days.

He’d done the maths as he lay sleepless in bed. His heat had been over new years. They’d rung in
the new year locked together.

They were always safe. Seokjin took birth control and they always used condoms.

Fuck! He was going to send a strongly worded email to both companies.

He looked down and once more realised he was holding his midsection again, it was becoming a
habit he needed to break.

At first he thought he’d just been under the weather from the flight. But he knew that was a lie
because he’d been feeling off for a couple of weeks. Tired and irritable, a little achy around his
stomach, like his regular cramps the week after his heat was done. But of course his heat had been
over a month ago.

Then he’d started throwing up backstage. And that definitely wasn’t normal. He never got nervous
before a shoot or a show. He’d tried not to overthink it. Foreign food sometimes had that effect on
him, except he hadn’t eaten anything out of the ordinary. In fact he’d barely eaten anything at all.
He’d already been feeling queasy the day of his flight and only ate the bread bun and a little bit of
the creamy pasta.

He probably wouldn’t even have considered it. It was impossible right?

Then two nights ago he’d been hungry and found himself in a small supermarket looking for some
protein drinks or a smoothie, just something to give him some nutrients. He always liked looking at
all the different goods available in other countries. How different yet the same everything was.
He’d walked down the toiletry aisle picking up some gummy vitamins when he’d looked over and
there were the tests. right above the lube and condoms. He didn’t even know why he’d bought the
first one. A little pink one all in Italian that was as basic as it was cheap.

He'd added it to his basket along with the blackcurrant gummies, a fancy mozzarella salad and two
bottles of oat and fruit smoothies.

Back at his hotel he’d sat on the toilet and stared at the two lines.

It wasn’t possible.

So he’d gone back out, walking for what felt like miles to three different shops where he bought six
more tests.

They couldn’t all be wrong. He hoped they were all wrong.

He took out his phone and spent half an hour on the phone setting up a doctor's appointment for the
day after he arrived back in Seoul.

There was always still a chance that they could all be faulty, right?
The sky had lightened by the time he hung up. A pretty green yellow colour that suggested a crisp
clear sunny winters day.

A man sat down opposite him, he crossed his jean covered legs elegantly. He had a newspaper in
one hand, a large take out cup in the other. He was tall and olive skinned with heavy stubble. A
scarf was intricately tied around his neck, a Burberry flat cap on his head of shaggy dark hair. He
was objectively very attractive. He glanced over and gave a lopsided smile.

Seokjin smiled back politely. He was probably an alpha but who knew these days, most people hid
their subgenres pretty well. But he had the stereotypical height and build to be one.

Seokjin didn’t know what he might look like in his LV tracksuit fully covered in a North Face
puffer jacket, cap and big Audrey Hepburn sunglasses.

Probably he looks like a right idiot, he certainly wouldn’t look like this in a few hours time with a
full face of makeup and the stupid sleeping bag coat that he and another model had been laughing
over during the fittings a few weeks before.

He took off the glasses, letting them hang down between his knees by one of the thick black arms
and gave his tired eyes a rub.

The man went back to sipping his drink and reading his paper even if Seokjin saw him looking over
from time to time. Seokjin was well aware of his looks, he'd been told multiple times how envious
others were that he could show up looking like this and still be effortlessly beautiful. But right now
Seokjin didn't feel particularly beautiful, even if the man chose that moment to give him a full look
up and down a universal sign of attraction. Seokjin flushed. He wondered what the man would say
if he gave him his hotel room, told him to meet him there later that evening. Would he say yes?
Would he even understand him?

What would the man say if he told him he was expecting another alpha's baby? Would he call him a
whore or a slut? Look at him with disgust? Or would he perhaps adopt the role of protective alpha.
Like Namjoon did sometimes during his rut. Holding his stomach as if it was real. What would
Namjoon say if he knew Seokjin was thinking about any of this?

It wasn’t like what he had with Namjoon was in any way exclusive, not even close. They were
friends, and that was all, just friends. He could date or sleep with anyone he wanted and it would be
none of Namjoon’s business. He wouldn’t be cheating because they weren’t together so why would
he need his input?

What was he talking about? Of course he’d want his input. Namjoon had been his closest friend for
years so his opinion mattered a lot to Seokjin, maybe more than any of their other friends, maybe
even more than Jimin and Taehyung's opinions. If Namjoon got a bad feeling about someone
Seokjin was seeing, Seokjin would take that on board because that’s what friends did. Not that it
had ever come to that. Seokjin had been single for years.

“Mi scusi?.” The man across from him asked. “Stai bene?"

Seokjin looked at him confused.

"Er. Are you... Alright?”. He repeated in broken English.

Seokjin hadn’t even been aware he was spacing out.

He gave the man one of his special professional smiles. “I'm Ok.” He replied, also in the small
amount of English he knew, giving the man the universal finger and thumb sign for okay for good
measure.

The man nodded and returned his smile, his eyes roaming over Seokjin’s face. Very obviously
checking him out still.

"You er, modello?"

Seokjin gave a nod.

"Tu sei bellissimo!"

He knew that word, he'd heard it a lot the last week.

"Thank you. Er... Grazie."

The man grinned, his hazel eyes twinkling.

"Good, very good." He laughed, giving a thumbs up. Clearly amused by Seokjin's basic grasp of
the Italian language.

Seokjin knew he should probably get out of there before he made an even bigger idiot of himself.

"You, have name?"

"Seokjin." He didn't know why he was even telling this guy, he could be anyone.

"Tommaso." He patted his chest.

Seokjin bowed to him as he would to any new acquaintance.

He really had to leave. He made a show of looking at his phone, gathered his bag, put on his mask
and glasses once more and stood, the man still watching him.

"Er. Ciao?"

The man nodded and said something in Italian that he didn't understand. Seokjin bowed again, a
little flustered becasue he was pretty sure he got the gist of the man's sentence, even if he didn't
speak the same verbal language.

Seokjin hurried towards the venue, hoping he wasn't too early to be let in. The security checked his
clearance and he headed to the common room where he found copious amounts of coffee that he
couldn't drink.

The tranquillity of the green room didn't last long, the cathedral's bell hadn't even chimed eight and
he more he was thrown into the organised chaos of the backstage area. This time he managed a
whole day without sharing the contents of his stomach with the crew.

He even made it all the way back to the hotel before things started to go south.

‘One more day.’ He told himself as he curled up on the comfortable Queen sized bed.
⁓⁂⁓

"Just support his head Namjoon-ah." Seokjin's older brother put the tiny body into his arms.

Namjoon tried to control the mild panic his body was producing at being presented with the two
week old pup.

He looked over to Seokjin for support, but he just sat next to his sister in law, clearly enjoying
Namjoon's sheer terror as Seokjin's brother let go.

The pup was dozing, his little face scrunched up at being disturbed, a white hat on his head, his
little hands covered in matching mittens.

"See, you're a natural." Seokjun said, not hiding his own amusement.

The baby squirmed, making little noises as he settled again against in Namjoon's chest.

"I don't want to drop him."

"You won't, you're doing really well." Ahreum smiled over at him.

He looked down at his little face, everything was perfect, his little nose, the family lips that
reminded Namjoon more of Seokjin than his brother. He weighed almost nothing. He was so small.

"You have to smell him." Seokjin told him.

"I'm not sniffing a baby, that's weird."

The other three laughed.

"You don't know what you're missing." Seokjun nudged him.

So he leant down and gave a tentative sniff.

And ok, maybe they had a point. Maybe he'd been a little hasty, imagining shit or vomit or
something equally horrible, yet all he smelt was a clean smell, something lightly floral and sweet.
The pup itself was far too young to have it's own scent yet, so it's wasn't that. He sniffed again.

"Good right?" Seokjin stood up and came over, kneeling in front of them.

He lightly stroked the pups cheek. It turned in it's sleep into Seokjin's touch. Seokjin kissed his
forehead.

He ignored the way his heart clenched watching Seokjin with the baby. Ignored how his breath got
caught in his throat thinking about Seokjin holding a pup.

The pup gave a tiny cry, that started to amp up into what would probably be full on sobs. Namjoon
froze, not sure what to do.
"Do you want rescuing?" Seokjin asked quietly, so close he could smell Seokjin's honeysuckle scent
that he'd not cleansed away so the baby could get used to it.

Namjoon gave a noticeably fake laugh. "Yeah. thanks."

"What a silly Alpha." He said in a baby voice as he scooped the baby up as if he'd been doing it all
his life and not a handful of times. "Shhhhh, it's ok, I'll give you to your mummy for your dinner.
Yeah."

He watched Seokjin so gently carrying the baby over to it's mother. He caught Seokjun's eye, a look
on the other man's face that Namjoon straight up ignored.

His heart was still pounding, he passed it off as just being nervous about holding something so
precious and not....

That feeling in his chest persisted all the way back to Namjoon's apartment until Seokjin hugged
him goodnight. It was still there in the shower as he washed away Seokjin's scent off his skin and
the next morning when he sat down to write.

⁓⁂⁓

🐨
He had no right to updates on Seokjin’s comings and goings, of course he didn’t and so he didn’t
demand anything of him. But it didn’t stop him feeling as if he’d done something wrong.

He knew how busy fashion weeks were for Seokjin. he’d viewed the YouTube videos and the photo
editorials of the events. Even if Seokjin was only on screen for a handful of seconds.

He still looked as devastatingly gorgeous as he always did. Even in stupid over the top makeup
with gelled back hair and ridiculous clothes that had no right looking that good on anyone yet
somehow Seokjin pulled them off effortlessly. Probably ruining the garment for anyone else
unfortunate enough to try and wear it themselves, because only Seokjin could look that stunning
wearing them. That was his totally unbiased opinion.

But the radio silence was kind of disconcerting. Seokjin normally texted back pretty quickly, even
if he was at work and could only send a stupid emoji. But especially when Namjoon sent him
particularly funny memes, bonus points if they included animals doing something hilarious.

He normally answered within a handful of rings too, and if he didn’t he always sent a quick
message back to say he was busy and couldn’t pick up the phone.

Yet there’d been nothing.

Maybe his phone was broken? Maybe he lost it? Or worse, stolen? Maybe he was too busy
schmoozing rich Alphas to bother looking at kitten videos.
He put the phone back in his pocket and stared at the middle screen of the PC setup.

Writer's block was the worst. Namjoon tried not to over think the correlation of the timing. After
all, the last time he’d had a burst of inspiration had been the last time he’d seen Seokjin.

About a week before he’d flown out to Italy. They’d ordered chicken and beer and watched
‘Twilight’ on TV and laughed way too hard at how cheesy the whole thing was. Seokjin had rested
his head in his lap and almost fallen asleep as Namjoon ran his fingers through Seokjin’s silky hair.

That had almost been a month ago now and he longed to go back to that.

Instead Seokjin had even ignored the photo he’d sent of his newly printed books.

‘Look hyung. My babies have arrived safe and sound. Signed one for you.’

He tried not to worry.

He watched Seokjin’s flight touch down safely at Incheon on his flight radar app. Part of him had
considered going to meet him, he probably should have gone. But would that look weird? He’d
never turned up to meet him off a flight before. So why would he start now?

“Has Jimin said anything about Seokjin losing his phone?”

Yoongi stopped with the whiskey glass almost to his lips. They were sitting in Namjoon’s home
office going over his schedule for the next month, plans for his small soiree on Saturday and the
little tour of book signings he’d be doing after the release. Plus the premier of ‘Moonchild’ at the
end of the month. The studio had arranged an afterparty at a Hongdae club. All the cast had
RSPV’d as well as the director and a lot of important Korean movie people.

But Namjoon was distracted. Seokjin had been home twelve hours, Yoongi himself had taken the
day off to welcome Jimin home. But so far Namjoon hadn't had the usual ‘Home safe, message
Seokjin normally sent whenever he went away.

“His phone? No, why?”

“No reason I just…. He’s not texting me back.”

Yoongi scoffed amusedly and threw the drink back. Swallowing and looking at the crustal beaker.

“So I just thought, maybe he lost it or it was stolen or…”

“Or maybe he’s been busy. Jimin and I didn’t talk for a couple of days, it’s no big deal.”

“It’s been over two weeks, almost three.”

Yoongi looked at him, tilting his head. “You know that sounds like something a mate would say,
and….”

Namjoon rolled his eyes. “I’m just concerned for his welfare. Plus it’s not like him to ghost
people.”
“Especially not you?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Yoongi filled up his glass again. “Jimin said something about him being ill. But it was nothing
serious.”

Nope. He didn’t like that. Seokjin in a foreign country, working god knows what hours with a
limited diet and now sick.

“Is he ok?”

Yoongi shrugged. “Jimin didn’t elaborate, but yeah. You don’t have to look so worried.”

“I’m not worried. I just… Doesn't matter.”

“Joon-ah? Can I give you some advice.”

Namjoon shrugged.

“I know you have this weird aversion to relationships and mating and all that. And once upon a
time a part of me agreed. But don’t let someone like Seokjin slip through your fingers.”

Namjoon rolled his eyes. “It’s not…”

“Like that. So you both keep telling us.”

⁓⁂⁓

Seokjin had fallen asleep. That wasn’t unusual, they’d been at it most of the night and while
Seokjin’s instincts were to rest, to let his body recover, Namjoon’s were to protect. To make sure that
no other Alpha broke in and defiled his ma… He ignored his posturing wolf.

His knot had deflated sufficiently to gently pull out of Seokjin’s warm comfortable body.

“Fuck.” He whispered to himself as he realised the condom had split.

It wasn’t the massive deal it could be. He knew Seokjin was on birth control, this was mainly a mess
issue.

He got out of the bed, fighting himself to just stay with Seokjin and went to Seokjin’s bathroom.
Even in the dark, finding Seokjin’s clean washcloths was easy, at this point he knew where most
things were in the other’s apartment and probably vice versa.
He let the taps run till the water was warm enough then soaked the flannel and wringing it out to
take back with him.

As gently as he could so as not to wake him, he cleaned Seokjin and then got back in, letting
himself indulge in holding him.

He really meant to tell him, but when Seokjin woke, Namjoon could already tell he was wanting to
get on with the next round.

So he let him climb into his lap and take what he needed, his mind going blissfully blank looking at
Seokjin, feeling his body enveloping him again.

⁓⁂⁓

Namjoon spent all night trying to figure out how to show up without looking like he was checking
up on him.

So armed with Seokjin’s signed copy of ‘Indigo’ and a selection of differently filled bungeoppang
he headed over to Seokjin’s place with the idea they could go get lunch together or something.

He knew all the building’s door codes and his name was on the approved visitors list with the gate
guard, but he made the decision not to barge into his apartment, pressing the buzzer and waiting
instead.

Nothing.

He rang it again.

What if Seokjin was still sleeping off his jet lag. He considered leaving the bread and the book on
his doorstep, but then the ding of the elevator broke the silence.

It had been almost three weeks since he’d last seen Seokjin but seeing him walk towards him from
the direction of the lifts felt like the clouds parting after a storm, the sun coming out and warming
him from the inside out.

Seokjin wasn’t looking at him, his cap's visor hiding his eyes as he rifled through his bag for
something.

Namjoon couldn’t help smiling as he finally looked up and stopped.

“Hey you.”

Seokjin visibly flinched but quickly masked the look on his face with the fakest smile Namjoon had
ever seen. He couldn't help frowning. That wasn’t like Seokjin at all.
“Hi.” He finally found what he was looking for, his phone. He approached his own door with what
Namjoon could only interpret as caution.

“What’re you doing here?”

Namjoon’s frown deepened. He’d never needed to explain his presence before, hell he could have
just let himself in and made himself at home like he’d done on countless other occasions when
Seokjin wasn’t home. But he wanted to give Seokjin the courtesy of answering the door first.

“I… Are you ok?”

“Fine.” Seokjin scanned the electronic key on the back of his phone case and pushed open the door.

They still hadn’t even greeted each other, normally Seokjin would open his arms for a hug, a big
grin on his face, maybe a joke on his tongue, already laughing at a punchline yet unsaid.

“Well…” Namjoon opened his own bag and pulled out the hardback. “For you. Wanted to deliver it
in person.”

Seokjin looked down at the book. Slowly the realisation of what it was filtered across his features.

“Oh.” He smiled properly. “Thanks.” He took hold of it. Running a finger over the purple flowers
on the front cover. “It’s really pretty.”

“Yeah, it came out really nice. And…” He pulled out the slightly crushed white paper bag, little
grease spots showing through the paper. “Got these for you too.”

“What’s this?”

“Well I thought you might be craving some comfort food. Can we go in?”

Seokjin was standing blocking the doorway. Also unusual, normally Namjoon would have to trot to
catch him up as he breezed into the house.

Seokjin looked like he was about to say no. Namjoon’s wolf growled. Something was off. This
wasn’t like his Seokjin at all.

Seokjin stepped back and pulled off his shoes, hanging his big coat on the hook on the wall.

Namjoon followed, hanging his scarf and coat next to Seokjin’s and shoving his gloves into the
pocket of his coat.

“Hey, are you ok?”

“Do you want a drink?” Seokjin tossed his cap onto the small dining table and ran his fingers
through his tousled hair.

“No, I’m fine. What’s going on with you?”

Seokjin leant against his kitchen counter looking uncomfortable. Looking as if the last person he
wanted to see was Namjoon. And that hurt. Because even at their most intimate. Even the last time
they’d been in bed together, it never felt awkward.
Seokjin had sat in his lap, naked and beautiful, still shiny with sweat, Namjoon’s knot still inside
him, watching as Seokjin read the last few chapters of Indigo out loud.

He’d used different voices for characters and they’d laughed together. It had been wonderful,
feeling every movement of Seokjin’s body as if it was his own.

Now Seokjin stood in the kitchen, his arms crossed protectively over his body. Looking tiny and
soft in his massive pink sweater. But he looked tired, his eyes puffy with purple bags under them.
His lips looked dry and chapped and his skin flushed.

“Yoongi said you were sick?”

“It was nothing.”

Namjoon had to stop himself from stepping forward and pressing his hand to his forehead.

“Can I do anything?”

“I’m fine, just… Jetlagged. I just need to sleep, that's all.”

He wasn’t looking at Namjoon as he spoke, also unusual.

“Ok.” Namjoon wasn’t sure what to say.

He knew Seokjin, knew his mannerisms, knew when he was hiding stuff.

“Did something happen in Milan?”

Seokjin’s eyes flicked to him briefly before looking away.

“No.” Seokjin turned and opened the top cupboard. “Do you want some tea?”

“No I don’t want any tea, I want to know what’s going on? Is it me? Did I do something?”

“No. Nothing’s going on.” He put the cup down a little to hard on the counter top and switched on
the kettle.

“So why are you avoiding me?”

“I’ve just been busy. I wasn’t aware that I had to check in with you.”

Namjoon knew he had a point, but it still stung.

“You don’t, but I was worried.”

“What for?” He laughed, it sounded harsh to Namjoon ears, not an ounce of humour in it.

“Because that’s what friends do.”

Seokjin let out a sigh, still facing away from him.

“Yeah, right. Friends…” Seokjin opened a draw and pulled out a spoon. The kettle started to hiss,
the only other sound in the apartment.
“So… How was Milan?”

“Exhausting.”

“You looked amazing.”

“You saw the show?” He looked briefly over his shoulder.

Namjoon scoffed at such a stupid notion. “Of course I did, I love watching you make ridiculous
clothes look somewhat wearable.”

Seokjin smiled shyly, a true smile, one Namjoon was finally acquainted with.

He turned back to the kettle as it started to gurgle, little swirls of steam rising from the spout.

Seokjin open the cupboard door, reaching up to the top shelf to get down a box of tea. His loose
sleeve slipped down to his elbow. Namjoon’s eyes watched the material fall down his slender pale
arm, and he frowned at the plaster stuck to his skin.

Seokjin pulled open the cardboard flap and popped a bag into the cup. The kettle clicked off and he
added the boiled water, the little bit of flesh covered tape peaking out again as he put the box of tea
back.

“What’s that? Did you have blood work done?” Namjoon gently took his arm, looking at the little
dressing in the crook of his elbow.

Seokjin yanked his arm back.

“Sorry.” Namjoon said.

“It’s nothing.” He pulled his sleeves all the way down and over his hands, hiding his fingers in the
pink wool.

“I’m just tired and stressed, ok? And a little dehydrated so I had an IV treatment, that’s all.

‘He’s lying’. Namjoon’s inner voice told him.

“If there was something wrong…. You’d tell me right?”

“There’s nothing wrong, ok.”

“But you’d say…..”

“Namjoon, stop.” He slammed a hand down on the counter top, the sound dulled under the fabric.

He wanted too, he wanted to leave it at that but deep down he could just sense something wasn’t
right. And now that he was standing so close to him he realised that he had completely scrubbed
himself of any of his own scent. Even with his blockers, a little of his delicate honeysuckle
pheromones would always still seep through, it was totally natural. But now. Now there was
nothing. A hint of the disinfectant soap you found in hospitals along with maybe a trace of whoever
the last person to touch him was, probably a doctor or a nurse, but nothing discernible and certainly
not his. Why would he totally wipe his scent when he wasn’t at work?
“Are you seeing someone?”

“What?”

“Is that why you’re ghosting me? Have you met someone?”

Seokjin just stared at him, mouth open slightly in disbelief.

“It’s ok if you have you know.”

Seokjin hugged himself. “So you wouldn’t care if there was?”

There was something pointed to that sentence, something Namjoon couldn’t put his finger on.
Something he didn’t want to look too deeply at.

“Of course I wouldn’t. I mean, I’d want to know they were… Good enough for you. That they'd
treat you right. But….” Namjoon wasn’t sure what else he could say.

Seeing Seokjin with someone, another alpha or a beta or even another omega, as unusual as that
was; shouldn’t affect him. They weren’t anything more than friends who had a temporary
arrangement. It had always been something that would end one day.

Seokjin would find someone who could not only see him through his heat, but offer him everything
else in between.

Dates, companionship, love.

But now that it was here, now that it had happened… Was he ready to take a step back and watch
his best friend, the person he did everything with, do it all with someone else? Spending nights just
walking along the river for no reason other than to enjoy time together. Eating from street stalls.
Going to the movies with. Taking trips to galleries and museums together. Flying out to London to
watch him walk a runway for thirty seconds. Letting him cuddle him in bed when he was cold.
Waking up together and making breakfast together. Letting him fall asleep in his lap. Read quietly
together side by side while the rain pitter pattered melodically against the window. Cooking with
him, eating with him, cleaning up with him. Talking on the phone 5000 miles and 13 time zones
apart for hours about nothing. Laughing about private in-jokes that confused everyone else around
them. Making sure he got home ok when he drank too much, tucking him in and staying; just in
case.

Namjoon’s mouth had gone dry and he regretted not accepting a cup of tea.

“Of course.” He managed to say out loud. Hoping Seokjin couldn’t hear the apprehension. Because
as far as Namjoon was concerned, no one would ever be good enough for Seokjin.

“Uh huh.” Seokjin dumped the tea bag in a little fish shaped container by the sink. “So why can I
smell your jealousy?” Seokjin took his cup and walked out of the kitchen leaving behind him the
smell of ginger and lemon tea.

“My what?” Namjoon followed.

“Any stronger and your skin would turn green.”

“Hang on, why are you turning this around on me? I just wanted to know if you were ok? And now
suddenly you’re dropping this bombshell on me?”

Seokjin sat on his couch, pulling his legs under him.

“You’re the one who brought it up. But sure, I met someone. He’s Italian, an alpha and he’s tall
with soft curly hair and warm eyes.” Seokjin looked up at him over the rim of his cup. "His names
Tommaso. But thanks for your permission, not that I need it." He sipped the tea and grimaced.
Closing his eyes and swallowing hard. Namjoon watched his throat bobbing as if he was having
trouble swallowing. "Was there anything else?"

Namjoon looked on dumbfounded. Why was he doing this? This wasn’t like Seokjin at all.

“Seokjin… I…”

“I’m really tired, I think you should go.”

Namjoon didn’t want to go. Every single instinct, both his wolf and his human psyche were
screaming at him to stay. To take care of his omega. Walk over, scoop him up and take him to his
nest.

But Seokjin wasn’t his, and never had been. And now he had someone. An alpha that would take
care of him from now on. Namjoon would have to let go, move on. But where was this guy? He
wasn’t here, was he in Italy? He had questions, but Seokjin’s body language said he wasn’t going to
open up.

“I’ll see you on Saturday?”

“For what?”

That fucking hurt.

“My book launch.”

“Oh. Yeah of course.” At least he had the courtesy to look a little abashed.

Namjoon took a step towards the door then stopped.

“Seokjin… If you ever need to talk.. About anything. You know where I am. Just because you have
someone, it doesn’t change the fact that I care about you. You’re my best friend first and foremost.”

Seokjin remained looking down at his tea. He nodded. “Right. Thanks.”

“I’ll go then. See you on Saturday?”

“Yeah, Saturday.”

Emotion crawled up his throat at being dismissed so easily. He forced his legs to move, one foot in
front of the other, slipping his shoes on and grabbing his coat roughly. He lingered a second, hoping
Seokjin would come to the door, but when he made no movement, he opened the door and left,
closing it softly behind him.
-

🐹
Seokjin heard the door close. It just proved to him everything he suspected. Namjoon really didn’t
care, he could give Seokjin up that easily.

A sob escaped him and he bit his finger to stop himself from breaking down.

He’d spent the morning at the clinic. His GP had run a bunch of tests, taken blood, checked his
blood pressure, weighed him and asked him question after question.

“I’ll give you these leaflets, you can look them over while we wait for your referral.”

They were burning a hole in his bag. Leaflets on what to expect his body to go through. Nutrition.
Pup development and of course the leaflet he had asked for, information about a termination.

“You’re probably eligible for an at home medical abortion, but we’d still need to do a scan to find
out how far along you are. You can discuss all that at your next appointment.”

He just wanted it over with. He wanted to go back to his life. Not that it would be the same now. It
would never be the same between him and Namjoon. Fuck, what had he done?

He hadn’t meant to say those things, to be so cold. It killed him to be like that but even seeing him
there at his door had been a shock to the system. He’d hoped to fix this before having to see him
but he should have known Namjoon wouldn’t have let him off the hook that easily. It was just like
him to want to see if he was alright.

Seokjin looked down at the bag of fish bread and it made him feel sick. Not the now familiar
feeling of his morning sickness that really didn;t live up to it's name because it didn't seem to know
the meaning of morning. No, this was of his own making, he'd hurt the person he... His stomach
gave an ominous clench. He tried to distract himself, looking at the book laying next to the bag.

A story of two lovers who couldn’t ever be together due to circumstances outside of their control. It
had made Seokjin laugh and cry when he’d been allowed to read it.

But it also made him a little angry. Namjoon wrote about love and relationships yet peddled the
same old nonsense that it wasn’t for him. Seokjin hated his hypocrisy sometimes.

He gave another sob. This time he couldn’t stop it. He curled up and allowed himself to wallow.
⁓⁂⁓

“Are you cold?”

Seokjin nodded and before he could protest Namjoon was wrapped around him. His arms pulled
him close. Legs tucked up behind Seokjin’s knees.

“Is it over?”

Was it? Seokjin just felt drained and a little sore like he always did when he was going through his
heat.

“I think so.”

“Want to watch a movie?”

“That would be nice.”

The warmth of Namjoon’s body left him, he felt his wolf whine, annoyed at being left. But Namjoon
was back quickly, bringing Seokjin’s tablet with him.

“What do you fancy?” He propped it up on the bedside table near Seokjin’s head and once more
settled down behind him.

“Something animated.” He mumbled tiredly.

“Ok.” Namjoon leant over him, swiping at the screen. His Netflix account was already open on
Seokjin’s device, their names side by side on the home page. He quickly picked something that he
already knew Seokjin wouldn’t be awake for and lay back down.

The movie started and Namjoon covered them with the quilt and kept him tight to his chest. His
hand stroked Seokjin’s stomach under his loose fitting top.

“Sleep honey.” Namjoon whispered to him, leaving a ghost-like kiss behind his ear.

Seokjin purred contentedly, snuggling into the mattress and the familiar body behind him while a
cheerful theme song played in the dark room.

⁓⁂⁓

He woke up stiff and shivering in a dark apartment. His face felt achy and puffy, his eyes gritty.

Slowly it all came flooding back to him. What he’d done and said to Namjoon. How he’d not just
pushed him away, but shoved him clear off a cliff. It was clearly for the best, he didn’t deserve him
anyway. But then Namjoon hadn’t put up a fight for him either.

All those years and he really had just been a hole to fuck.

His stomach tightened. Of course this would happen now. He stood up fast, knocking into the table
on the way to his bathroom, he heard the cup of half drunk tea spill but he didn't care. He made it to
the toilet right before the little bit of the mostly digested tea splashed into the bowl.

Seokjin sat on the tiles and waited for the feeling to pass as tears streamed down his cheeks. When
he felt able too, he got to his feet on shaking legs and shuffled back to the living room. His foot
kicked something on the floor. Something soft and black. He stooped to pick up a glove, not his.
Namjoon’s. Without even thinking he held it to his nose and breathed in the indescribable scent of
autumn, something a little musky yet sweet and a little earthy. He loved Namjoon’s scent. It was
calming and warm and homely. He breathed deeply. His whole body relaxed. The nausea dissipated
for the first time since he’d flown to Italy. And he wanted to cry again. He took it into his bedroom
with him, changed into his favourite pyjamas and got under his covers. Keeping the glove under his
pillow.

Seokjin looked at the grapes in the bowl on the kitchen counter and the leaflet he was reading.

“So, you’re the same size as one of these, huh?” He popped the green fruit into his mouth and
chewed, the sweet and sour juice exploding on his tongue. He moaned, closing his eyes, it was like
nothing had ever tasted that good before. He pulled off another one, rolling it between his fingers.

“Are you going to let me eat all these in peace?” He asked looking down at himself.

He bit into it. It felt good to be able to eat something and keep it down. The glove helped. But at
some point the scent would disappear and he’d have to… Well he knew what he’d have to do. He
sighed.

He shouldn’t be reading these. He shouldn’t be talking to it either.

He opened his bits and bobs drawer and put them away.

Three days later he was back at the clinic. A sonographer introduced herself and got him to lift his
jumper. She warned him about the gel being cold yet he still jumped. Laughing nervously as she
spread it around with the wand.

She studied the screen diligently before turning to him.

“Would you like to see?”

‘No’ He thought.

“Yeah.” He said.

She spun the screen towards him.

“There’s not a lot to see at this stage, the size of your gestational sac suggests you’re around the
seven to eight week mark. But this blob here.” She circled a dark patch in the centre of the screen.
“Is it's body, this larger area is its head. And this little fluttering part here…” She pointed with the
tip of her pen.”…. Is it’s heartbeat.”

He watched the barely perceptible foetus on the screen move slightly, the fluttering becoming more
obvious for a second before it once more shifted. The technician moved the wand to get a clearer
view again. She made a number of notes in his file.

“Everything looks very healthy.”

“It does?”

“Yes.” She placed a handful of tissues in his hand and gave him a warm smile.

Only then did he realise he was crying. He dabbed at his eyes, unable to look away from the screen.

“Would you like a copy?”

“Yes.” He didn’t even let himself think it over.

She smiled at him and pushed some buttons on the screen.

Once he was done he sat in the waiting room with other expecting parents. He read all the
information posters on the wall, anything to distract himself from the fact that he was the only one
there without a partner.

“Kim Seokjin?”

He snapped out of it and stood, following the doctor into the examination room.

“Your file says you’d like a termination?”

“Yes.”

“May I ask why?” She asked.

Seokjin bit his lips.

“I…”

“Everything you say in this room is confidential and if you need counselling we can arrange it.”

He nodded. “I… I’m just not ready to be a parent.”

“Ok.” She smiled and made some notes. “We can’t do it today, I’ll need to organise the
prescription, but you can come make an appointment at the front desk for..." She clicked away with
her mouth. "The day after tomorrow. It will be two different sets of tablets, you’re welcome to take
the first here, but the second will be twenty four hours after at home. You’ll pass the contents of
your womb within a few hours. We can go over everything in more detail at your appointment.”

Seokjin thought of that tiny fluttering heartbeat, how it was the size of a grape. How it had moved
inside him.
“Ok.”

Once the examination was over, he went to the front desk. Making the appointment for the
following day.

“Here’s your scan.” The receptionist handed over an envelope. He shoved it in his bag and left.

He stood under his shower and looked at himself. He looked no different. His stomach was as it
usually was, still toned and flat. Maybe he was a little bloated? But that was all. Visibly there was
nothing to show. He ran his hand over his navel still feeling the tackiness of the gel.

“You deserve so much better than me.” He said. “I’m so sorry my little shine muscat.”

He was dressing when he heard the unmistakable sound of his front door opening. He froze.

Only a few people had his code. He could rule Namjoon out, probably. And his parents were still
away.

“Seokjin hyung?”

Jimin.

He pulled on a grey hoodie that he was pretty sure wasn’t his, although he didn’t want to think
about the previous owner.

“In here.” He called back.

Jimin was standing in his kitchen.

“I wasn’t expecting you….” Seokjin smiled but it died on his face when he saw what Jimin was
holding.

“Are you….?”

“Jimin… I”

Jimin looked back down at the scan photo that he’d stupidly left out. But how was he to know
people just walk in like that? Most people used the bell and waited to be let in thus giving him time
to hide the evidence.

Jimin put down the scan and walked over, holding out his arms.

It shouldn't be surprising how easily he let himself melt into the smaller omegas embrace. Inhaling
the sweet citrus scent of him.

Trying to ignore the tears.

Once he’d calmed down they sat down on the sofa with hot tea and some chocolates Jimin had
found in the fridge.

“How long have you known”

“A couple of days before we came home from Milan.”

“Shit, hyung. Is that why you were sick?”

Seokjin nodded.

“You should have talked to us, we could have helped.”

“No offence but I don’t even like the fact that you know now .”

Jimin gave a frustrated sigh. “I’m not going to say anything.... Is it… His?”

Seokjin nodded again.

“I’m assuming he doesn’t know?”

Seokjin felt himself flush with shame.

“Why haven’t you told him?” Jimin said exasperatedly.

“Why do you think? This is a mistake, all of it. We should never have crossed that line.”

“Hyung…”

“Look, it’s ok. I went to the clinic, it’s taken care of.”

Jimin’s eyes went wide. “Did you get rid of it?”

Seokjin flinched. “Not… Not yet… I have another appointment the day after tomorrow.”

“Why? Why would you… Seokjin…”

“I can’t have a pup.. Not now, not with… Wrong time, wrong pers…” He couldn’t look at Jimin.

“Namjoon showed up drunk at our apartment.”

“What?”

Jimin nodded. “I’ve never seen him like that. Yoongi hasn’t either. He was saying that you’d met
someone in Milan, which was odd, because as far as I know you never left your room other than to
work and last time I did a runway show we didn’t have time to pee let alone start dating. So I told
him that.”

Seokjin let out a sigh and rubbed his eyes.

“Why did you lie to him?”

“I didn’t mean to… He just kept pushing me. I wasn’t ready to see him and he showed up and…
Everything’s so fucked up. I feel sick all the time, I look… Well you can see how I look. I didn’t
know how to act around him. And I know you want to lecture me, I can see it written all over your
face… But I’m barely keeping it together right now.”

“So talk to me, talk to Tae. We’re here for you. Don’t go making any rash decisions you’re going to
regret. Hyung, don’t push Namjoon away. He has a right to know.”
Seokjin groaned in frustration.

“I can’t have a pup. Ok. I just can’t and what would telling him achieve? He doesn’t want them
either.”

“Says who?”

“Namjoon! Multiple times, most recently in a huge literature magazine. It’s for the best. Then I can
get back to normal.”

“Can you though? Because I know you and I’m not trying to talk you out of anything. It’s your
body, but I don’t want you to regret this. There are other options. If you need help, Yoongi and I are
here for you. There’s no way your mother would abandon you, hell Taehyung might actually want
to adopt your pup. You’re not alone.” Jimin reached over the short distance and took his hand.
Holding it to his chest. “And I don’t give two fucks what Namjoon’s said in the past. There’s no
way he’d let you go through this alone. And I think you know that and I think it scares you.”

“Of course it scares me. I’m trapping him to a bare minimum of eighteen years. When he finally
meets his mate, how's he going to explain the kid he has with an unmated omega.”

Jimin made a frustrated ‘Ughhh’. “You two are so…. Look, I’m staying here with you tonight,
tomorrow too and I’m coming with you to the clinic.”

The posters were the same, the couples were different, but still couples.

Jimin sat by his side holding his hand. Gently moving it to his knee when his leg started to jiggle up
and down with nerves.

Even when Seokjin stood to follow the nurse he held on tighter and Seokjin had no intention of
letting go first.

He left with a small white box of pills and a booklet of instructions.

It all felt too simple. Like there should be more to it.

The white box now sat in his bathroom, hidden out of sight in his medicine cabinet.

“I’ll be here first thing Monday morning, ok?”

Seokjin nodded as he fiddled with the corner of the leaflet. He’d been reading through all the side
effects and what to expect after he took the second dose.

The nurse had explicitly told him he needed someone with him, just in case there was a need for
medical intervention. Everyone would be busy over the weekend, so Jimin had cleared his schedule
for 72 hours, much to Seokjin’s horror.

“Promise me, you won’t do anything stupid?”

Seokjin rolled his eyes. “Of course I won’t.”

“So promise.”
“I promise.”

🐨
Everything felt wrong. It was like he was walking through a bad dream. He should be looking
forward to a fun night of meeting people he admired, his peers and literary journalists to gush about
his book with. Anticipating talking to other authors, standing in front of the seven foot cardboard
stand of the front cover and taking photos with people. Not to mention the buffet and the free bar.
Yet everything just felt tainted somehow.

He didn’t want to talk to these boot lickers, he wanted to rewind time, go back to the middle of
February and book an impromptu plane ticket to Milan. He wanted to walk around the cathedral
and the cemetery with him, he wanted to drag him to all the art museums just to annoy him. To find
amazing hidden restaurants and eat with him and drink great wine that probably cost more than his
flight.

He wanted to stop him meeting whoever this other alpha was. That guy would never be good
enough.

‘And you think you are?’ A quiet voice whispered in the depths of his brain.

‘Yes.’ Another voice said back. This one firm and unwavering.

“When are you going to admit that you love him?” Yoongi had said to him when he’d turned up at
their place, drunk and thoroughly miserable.

“Why would he want me?” He’s slurred.

“I should bash the pair of your heads together.” Jimin had growled.

“Jimin.”

“No, he needs to hear this. Both of you are infuriating!”

“This isn’t helping. He’s drunk, he won’t remember in the morning.”

He did remember, and Jimin’s words were seared into his brain.

It didn’t help that his rut was due in two and a half weeks, and he most definitely could not broach
that subject with Seokjin. Although he was pretty sure their arrangement was well and truly over
despite Seokjin already months ago, making sure he had no work booked for those three days.
But somehow losing Seokjin as a rut partner was the least of what was troubling him. Because he
wasn’t even sure if Seokjin was his friend anymore. And losing him as a friend was going to break
him.

He ran a hand through his hair and tried to think about his attire for the evening. But it felt so
shallow and unimportant.

Seokjin had said he’d be coming, but Namjoon was pretty sure he wouldn’t. And he couldn’t blame
him but also Namjoon wasn’t sure he wanted to see Seokjin either.

Why should he take the blame? He hadn’t done anything that he could recall. Seokjin was the one
who had ghosted him, then pulled the rug out from under him by telling him about this other alpha.

His wolf snarled possessively.

Jimin had looked confused when he’d told that what Seokjin had said, but of course he’d cover for
his friend.

He slumped down on his bed. What was he doing? He had no right to act like this.

Seokjin had never been his in the first place.

Their arrangement was clinical. Show up get naked and fuck. No kissing, they both agreed that was
too intimate, as if them being connected for twenty minutes after wasn’t intimate enough.

“It’s like in Pretty women.” Seokjin said once. “It’s too personal.”

So they’d kept it that way along with limited foreplay and silicon anti-bite patches covering scent
glands, just in case. They were just friends with benefits. No strings attached. It saved money too.
The alternatives were the different agencies that offered partners. But the thought of being with a
stranger had never sat right with him.

Then there was going through it alone which wasn’t terrible, he’d had several ruts alone both
before his arrangement with Seokjin and times when Seokjin was working abroad. But it was
certainly not his preference.

The third option were heavy suppressants. They were fine for adolescents who were too young to
be spending heats and ruts with a partner. But most doctors and specialists agreed that prolonged
usage was not advised. There were links to certain cancers and they were known to affect fertility.

Most people took some form of suppressant, but mostly to take the edge off, lust driven alphas high
on pheromones stalking omegas in the street was definitely not accepted in civilised society. There
were of course some who chose to live a natural life. But they were few and far between.

A fourth option was sitting at a bar without scent blockers and picking up any omega that showed
interest. He shuddered.

It felt selfish thinking about this now. But all he could think about was Seokjin with someone else.

In a foreign hotel bed with an Italian stallion. Getting louder as he approached his orgasm, his body
quivering with pleasure, back arching, eyes closed in ecstasy, his mouth doing that little twitch at
the peak and the long sigh as he came down from it.
He’d never expected it to hurt so much. It shouldn’t. Seokjin was his friend, they’d known each
other for years. He should be happy.

He was miserable.

He picked out a simple white shirt and black slacks and finally started to get ready.

The conference room looked nice, the table pushed up against the windows and instead of the usual
laptops and paperwork strewn over the surface, it now held a wide selection of buffet food.

A temporary bar had been set up in a smaller adjacent room, two workers busy connecting pipes to
different beer kegs.

“There he is.” The female alpha who oversaw his department walked over to him, her arms
outstretched. She kissed him on both cheeks.

“Mrs. Choi.”

“You look so handsome.” She adjusted his collar. “Congratulations by the way, first day sales
added to the presales are looking like it could be number one.” She gave him a wink.

“Thank you.”

People started to arrive not long after she had drifted away to talk to one of the firm's shareholders.

The night wore on. A blur of posing for photos, two minute interviews, signing books, making
small talk with industry people he didn’t really know. Constantly looking for Yoongi or Hoseok
through the crowd. And if he also kept glancing at the elevators for Seokjin....

With ‘Moonchild’, he had Seokjin here with him. Seokjin and his charming personality, who could
easily tell when Namjoon was getting overwhelmed. Who could take the heat off him with his easy
wit and stunning looks. Now he was here alone, not even his agent and editor for company,
although he was sure they were both here somewhere.

When he finally got a moment where he was left to his own devices, he headed to the bar.

“Something strong.” He told the bartender.

Everything felt wrong.

A female omega smiled at him from the other end of the bar. Pretty, big eyes, red lips. He vaguely
recognised her, some magazine that had interviewed him once.

She made her way over.

No scent blockers, he noticed. A sweet almost pungent scent of almonds.

Wrong.

“Hi.” She said, “I’m Park Soyeon, I’m from KLN, Indigo was…” She gave her head a shake. “It
was wonderful. My heart felt for Sori.”
“Thank you.”

“I’d love to talk to you more about it.” Her hand settled in his arm.

All wrong.

“You’ll have to talk to my agent Min Yoongi, he’s around here somewhere.” Namjoon tipped the
rest of his drink down his throat and stepped back. “Very nice to meet you Ms. Park.” He gave her a
polite bow and turned away from her.

He greeted people as he passed them on the way out of the room, not really sure where he was
going as he walked next door, accepting someone’s hand to shake as he entered.

He popped out of a small group of people by the buffet table.

“Oh thank god.” He gasped as he found Yoongi with his mate.

When Hoseok emerged sometime later Namjoon was busy talking to and trying not to simp over
one of his heroes, Lee Seho, a legend in murder mysteries, nicknamed the Korean Agatha Christie,
whose books Namjoon had gorged himself on as a child. Even if they were far too old for him.

He had no idea the veteran author was going to be attending and the whole time they were talking
all he could see were camera flashes. Lee Seho was a true celebrity.

“It was a pleasure to meet you.” Namjoon bowed low.

“Please, the pleasure was mine. Good luck with your new book.”

“Thank you.”

They posed for one last photo as Namjoon presented him with a signed copy and then he was led
away.

“I can’t believe he actually came.”

“You’re a big deal.” Yoongi clapped him on the back.

He didn’t feel like a big deal.

He spent the rest of the night subconsciously checking every face.

Seokjin had said he’d be there. He wasn’t. He shouldn’t be surprised.

“Have you talked to him?” He asked Jimin shortly before the party wrapped up. He was already
putting on his jacket, Yoongi helping him find an errant sleeve.

“Don’t take it personally.” Was all Jimin would tell him.

It was almost 1am when he finally left the building.

Yoongi had offered to give him a ride home but he didn’t feel like going home early, instead he sat
in the office doing nothing until a cleaner appeared, apologising for disturbing him.

“No, no it’s ok, I was literally just leaving”.

He stood and bowed to the older man and took the stairs.

He could get a cab, instead he walked, cold March air biting into his skin. From here he could see
Seokjin’s apartment building. It would take no longer than ten minutes to walk there. Instead he
went home to his books and his paintings.

In the darkness he looked around the place.

Seokjin had always joked that he was scared shitless of breaking something. And it was one of the
reasons they always ended up at Seokjin’s apartment.

He loved his collection, he was proud of his collection. But in that second he realised something, as
he removed his shoes and coat and walked to his bedroom. The big empty bed, surrounded by
inanimate objects. He would smash every ceramic, break every picture frame if he could start
again.

Yoongi was right. He couldn’t let Seokjin slip through his fingers.

But it was too late.

He’d already lost him.

🐹
He’d made a promise to Jimin to wait.

Seokjin stood in his bathroom looking at the small white box in his hand. Inside were four little
compartments and one big one. It seemed way too easy. His hands shook as he pulled the little
cardboard flap open. Just five pills. He slid out the plastic covered in foil, writing printed over it.

He could just get it over with..

He looked up at the misted up mirror, his reflection blurred an distorted. He wiped the condensation
with his hand to see better. Little beads of water clinging to the glass, clumping together and
obscuring his lower face.

He watched the mirror once more fog up, looking down at his torso pressed against the sink unit
instead. He was once more tracing a finger over his stomach, still flat and toned. He couldn’t seem
to stop doing it, even though there was nothing there to feel, yet somehow he could. It was stupid.
It was Saturday. He’d made a second promise too, he’d said he’d go to Namjoon’s launch party.

He would wait for the party to finish then he would take him to one side and just confess. To
everything. Just like Jimin had told him he should. But Seokjin was a coward.

He couldn’t bring himself to ruin Namjoon’s life.

Namjoon had never been shy about telling anyone who’d listen that he never wanted pups. That the
only things important to him were his books and his art.

Seokjin was doing them all a favour.

He stepped back from the sink, a wave of dizziness passed over him, he held onto the door frame
for support.

He should try and eat something. Some seaweed soup would be nice.

But instead he curled up on his sofa holding his stomach. When he opened his eyes it was almost
1am.

He’d missed Namjoon’s party, he was the worst person ever.

He cried himself back to sleep.

When he woke on Sunday morning he decided to go home to his parents house where he’d spent
most of his teen years.

He had a quiet lunch with his mother after she’d fussed over him. Chastising him for looking so
pale and thin. As she cooked he listened to her news about family members and the neighbourhood.
He ate her wonderful food and hoped he wouldn’t bring it all back up while still in her presence.

His father had been called into work before he arrived, which was almost a blessing as it meant he
could let his mum baby him a little. He was still the youngest after all, and maybe it was what he
needed.

“Do you want to tell me what’s bothering you honey?” She asked as they were cleaning up.

“Nothing.”

She gave him the same look she used to give him when he was a child and wasn’t sitting up
straight.

“Really. I’m just a little stressed out, that’s all. Working too hard.” He smiled at her and knew she
wasn’t buying any of it.

“I hope that you know you can talk to me about anything.”

“I do.” He did. But telling his mother his heat partner had knocked him up wasn’t exactly
something he wanted to discuss over afternoon tea.
She turned him to look at her. She was slightly shorter, but not by much, he had excellent genes
after all.

“You can scrub your scent all you like, but it only makes you even more suspicious.”

She knew.

“I want you to tell me in your own time, so I won’t push you. But I need you to know, whatever it
is. I’m here for you, Dad is here for you too. We love you and it doesn’t matter how old you get,
you will always be my baby and as such I will always worry about you.” She kissed his cheek and
went back to the sink.

He slept in the same room he had as a teen. There was nothing here now to suggest he’d ever lived
here. All his old stuff had either been moved to his apartment, donated or thrown away.

But for the first time since he’d come back from Milan he felt at peace. He was well fed, didn’t feel
nauseous and he slept better than he had in weeks.

‘Hyung. I’m at your apartment. I thought I was meeting you? You haven’t done anything stupid
have you?’

He didn’t get the text till he woke, it was already after midday and he was surprised his mother
hadn’t woken him. Or maybe not. Maybe she had deliberately let him rest.

‘I’m at my parents. I’m fine. Going to stay here till I go to London. Don’t worry :)’

He didn’t even know that he’d made that decision. But a week later he hugged his mum and headed
back to his apartment to pack for a late flight.

London was a confusing place. One second it was misty, obscuring his view from his hotel room,
not that it was much of one, mostly just other buildings and a church ruin that was honestly kind of
cool. The fog swirled along the street outside leaving a light dusting of cold damp covering
everything. Then the next moment it was lifting in patchy clumps, the sun breaking through fluffy
clouds in a brilliant blue March sky. Birds were singing in the trees that obscured the remains, and
yellow daffodils lined the pathways, bobbing their cheerful faces in the early spring breeze.

The leaves were just starting to emerge, he wondered what it would look like in a month or two.

A little bird with a red breast alighted on the back of a bench. It trilled at him, hopping around, it’s
tail bobbing.

He took out his phone and managed to get right up to it, snapping photos as he went.

Then it finally had enough, or perhaps realised Seokjin had no treats to offer and it flew away,
landing on the stone window that once probably housed stained glass, but was now empty. He
related.

On any other day he’d be sending the photos of the bird to Namjoon. He’d text back telling him
what it was with some little anecdotes about the species.
He continued walking, trying to ignore the hole forming inside him.

He was here for five days, he had a day to acclimatise a day for fittings and meeting the designer,
the crew and the other models and finally a two day shoot with a back up day just in case.

He’d ditched his manager Sungyeol back at the hotel, sending him a quick text that he’d be back in
time for the company dinner that evening.

He hadn’t spoken to anyone back home. Jimin and Taehyung were both pestering him, Jimin more
so, worried that he wasn’t looking after himself. But he had sent a photo back of his hotel's
breakfast buffet that had in fact been very good, and that seemed to have appeased him, at least
temporarily.

Namjoon on the other hand hadn’t said a word. Their chat was silent. No missed calls. No memes,
nothing.

Somehow he figured out the underground map and the ticket machine, finding the right station to
take him a little further into central London. The train was stuffy but he didn’t mind it. People left
him alone down here, too busy on their phones or reading to care about a lost Korean.

He found himself on a bench in Trafalgar square. A far cry from the little fountain in Milan.
Although the obligatory pigeons still strutted around his feet, flapping and cooing over the food
people were feeding them.

The last time he’d been here Namjoon had come too. Or rather Namjoon had shown up the night
before his fist show of London fashion week, instantly calming his nerves.

They’d had coffee and cake at a little cafe right by the statue of a guy on a horse. Today it was
closed for refurbishments.

They’d walked around St. James's park together, shoulders bumping, then wandered over to have a
look at Buckingham Palace through the black and gold wrought iron fence. It had been a bit of an
anti-climax if he was being honest, although the building was nice.

Then that night Namjoon had taken him out to a Michelin starred restaurant and after they had a
pod to themselves on the London Eye, although Namjoon had sworn he hadn't done it on purpose.
Namjoon hadn’t even booked himself a hotel room. So much was his faith that Seokjin would let
him stay with him in his room.

He had of course. They’d even shared the bed and thought nothing of it. He hadn’t slept that well
before a show maybe ever.

Now he was alone.

Well, not quite alone, he had his little grape with him. It wasn’t quite the same thing though. Even
if he kept up a quiet commentary of everything he was doing so it could know what was going on.

Could it even hear him? He googled it.

‘At around 18 weeks of pregnancy, your unborn baby will start being able to hear sounds in your
body like your heartbeat.’
He was ever so slightly disappointed in that answer.

“I’ll still tell you anyway.” He whispered.

He hadn’t told his agency, he hadn’t even told Sungyeol. He knew he had too, before he was
booked for anything else. But telling them made it final.

A couple sat on the bench next to him, a small child chased after the birds while the omega nursed
a baby in his arms.

“Alfie, stop scaring the pigeons.” The alpha called.

The little boy just squealed louder, flapping his arms.

He imagined himself in a couple of years, letting his own child run around Yongsan park.

Sitting alone knowing he was being judged by the married and fully mated couples. Namjoon
nowhere to be found.

A pang of something he didn’t want to unpack throbbed through him.

The little boy stopped and picked up a white speckled feather. Waving it around before running
over to Seokjin.

“Hello?” He said, giving the little boy a smile.

“Alfie, don’t bother the nice man.”

“It’s ok.”

“For you. Don’t be sad.” Alfie held out the feather.

“Thank you.” Seokjin took it and smiled.

The little boy nodded and ran back to his parents. The omega kissed his son and then the four of
them stood and left. Seokjin smiled at them and waved when Alfie did. He put the feather in his
bag.

He meandered back from the tube station, finding the river. The sun was going down as he too went
down a spiral stair onto the river walk.

From here he could see the shard, a huge monolith reaching up to the sky with it’s flashing red light
atop. In front Tower bridge spanned the Themes.

Other than that, he could be in Seoul, the people rushed passed. Not caring about him, the river cut
the city in two. The lights reflected on the water just the same.

Seokjin leant against the concrete wall and watched the sky darken to the east. The sunset muted to
the west but still a sunset.

Namjoon would have loved watching the sunset with him. Even partially hidden by the buildings,
he could practically hear him.
‘Look how beautiful it is with all the office lights hyung. Isn’t it lovely?’

He felt a ghost arm around his shoulder. A non existent weight leaning against him. An invisible
chilly breath against his cheek.

He took out his phone and took more photos, the river, the buildings, the bride in the distance and
the sunset.

Maybe one day he’d send it all to Namjoon. Maybe it would be his confession.

🐨
He was glad that he had a packed schedule. Spending hours signing copies in various bookshops
around the peninsula kept his mind off the fact that he missed Seokjin to the point where it hurt.

At night, in different hotels, he’d open his phone and think about what to type to break the ice.
Seokjin was so much better at doing that than he was.

He couldn’t even start with “I’m sorry”, because he had no idea what he’d even done to warrant
this wall of silence.

He read through their previous conversation. Anything to give him the faintest idea of what was
going on.

Everything had been fine, great even, right up until Seokjin went to Italy. Then suddenly he’d just
stopped communicating.

‘He met that Alpha.’ His subconscious told him. HIs wolf growled.

And instead of being an adult about it, Seokjin had ghosted him and then tried to make it all his
fault.

He threw his phone aside, it slid off the side of the bed onto the floor with a thud and he winced,
hoping he hadn’t cracked the screen.

No, he was not going to let Seokjin pin anything on him. He’d done nothing wrong!

His emotions swung back to anger and he stood up. If Seokjin could have a little fun, then so could
he.
How many years had it been since he’d been in a bar actively looking to meet someone?

Yoongi had scoffed and shut his hotel door in his face when he’d invited him along, with a "You
need to sort your shit out first Namjoon."

So now he was solo, sitting at the bar, staring at his beer.

A pair of women were sitting at a table in his peripheral vision. He’d given them a brief once over.
Both of them were pretty, both of them looking back at him in his tight turtleneck that he knew
showed off his chest and arms.

One of them stood and approached him.

She smiled softly at him as she waited to be served.

He knew the deal, he could offer to buy her a drink, ask her name, make small talk then take her
back to his room.

He took a big gulp from his pint and left.

“My rut’s late.”

He saw Yoongi make a disgusted face, but he looked up. “And?”

“It’s never late, sometimes it comes early, but never late.”

“I mean, why are you telling me this?”

“Because I’m not sure if I should be worried. I’ve been really stressed, and I know that can affect
it.”

“Maybe you just worked the dates out wrong.”

Namjoon shook his head. “I know my dates hyung. Seok… It was meant to be here the week before
the premier.”

The ‘Moonchild’ premier. It was going to be a huge night for him. The full extravaganza at the
LOTTE CINEMA World Tower. Followed by a star studded after party.

There was going to be an array of celebrities, a red carpet, interviews broadcast on TV and various
social media. It was a big deal. He was even going to be walking that red carpet himself, even if
most people were there for Park Sunwoo and Chun Woojin the two leads, and the rest of the cast of
course. Namjoon would be required to at least show his face.

Seokjin was supposed to be his plus one. Seokjin had even informed him back in November when
Namjoon was first given the schedule, that one of his favourite designers was loaning him a vintage
couture outfit for the evening.

Namjoon hadn’t seen it, Seokjin had wanted to keep it a secret. But he just knew Seokjin would
have shone on that carpet. On his arm.
He took a shaky breath.

He wondered who, if anyone, he should give the ticket to now. He knew deep down he wanted it to
be Seokjin.

“I should see a doctor right?”

“If you think it’ll help.”

“Yeah…” He took out his phone. “Maybe it’s for the best.”

“What is?”

“Nothing.”

The phone started to ring.

“Hey, if Jimin sees Seokjin, tell him to tell Seokjin I still want him to come… Hi, My name’s Kim
Namjoon, I’d like to make an appointment with Dr. Han.” He left before Yoongi could question
him further.

“Your blood pressure is a little high but not worryingly so. Physically you seem fit. Your bloods
unfortunately won’t be back untill after the weekend so you’ll have to call for the results. Has there
been any big changes to your lifestyle recently? Any illnesses?”

“No illnesses no. I guess I have a big event coming up. That's been pretty stressful.”

Dr. Han nodded. “Stress would certainly contribute. You’re not mated?”

“No.”

“So we can rule pregnancy out.” He mumbled to himself. “All I can suggest is to try and take it
easy. Meditation can help, reduce your sodium intake, and your alcohol consumption.”

Namjoon thought about all that champagne he’d drank at the book launch.

“In all honesty I wouldn’t be too worried unless you miss your next rut which will be, when?
September?”

Namjoon nodded.

“Alright. So give us a call on Tuesday for your results and if you experience any other symptoms,
of course get in touch. It could also just be delayed, it’s not unusual for a rut to skip a couple of
weeks or even months, especially if you’re under a lot of tension.”

He left feeling reassured but still feeling off.

Maybe his body was just reacting to knowing he no longer had Seokjin.

Fuck, that sounded so selfish. But maybe he wanted to be selfish.

-

🐹
Seokjin has slept for almost twelve hours. He’d also slept on the plane too, so he was surprised
when he saw it was almost 4pm on his phone screen.

He had a bunch of missed calls and messages, including a reply from his agency to him requesting
a meeting.

He lay his head back against the pillow. How was he even going to broach that subject? Should he
ask his lawyer to attend too?

He replied to his mother and then read Jimin’s chain.

When he stepped out of the shower he wasn’t surprised that Jimin had let himself in.

“Hi.” He said a little sheepishly. He fully expected a dressing down.

Jimin said nothing, he stood and walked over to him and wrapped his arms around him.

“Are you ok?”

Seokjin was a little stunned, but finally reciprocated the hug.

“Yeah, yeah I’m ok.”

Jimin squeezed him a little tighter then let go.

“I’ve been so worried. You just… Left. And Yoongi keeps asking me what’s going on and I can’t
tell him and Taehyung keeps making wild guesses and he was right but I had to lie.”

Seokjin deflated. He’d made his friend lie for him.

“I’m so sorry.” And he could feel the tears building.

“No, it’s fine. Hey, please don’t cry.” Jimin gently wiped the tear away.

“I’m sorry, I can't help it, I cry a lot." He tried wiping them away. "I'm such a terrible person.” He
sobbed harder.

“No you’re not. Talk to me. What’s going on?”

“I c-can’t d-do it. I… I k-keep thinking about it. I k-keep talking to it. I’ve named it.”
“Wait, you’ve named it?”

Seokjin took some deep breaths, willing himself to stop. “Well no, not really. I just… It was the
size of a grape, bigger now, plum sized apparently, but I’ve been calling it my grape. Even though
it’s not a grape anymore… It doesn’t matter, the point is… I kept thinking about those pills. How
easy it all sounded… I saw its heartbeat….”

“Oh hyung.”

Now he really was crying.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do…”

“We’re here for you, you know that right?”

Seokjin nodded.

“But you have got to talk to Namjoon! You have to. He’s a mess. He thinks you’re with someone
else and hyung, I think he’s in lo…”

“Don’t” Seokjin shook his head forcefully. “It’s not for you to assume anything. I know what
Namjoon told me. I know…”

“No you don’t. You two…” Jimin growled. “Please talk to him.” He picked up his bag from the
floor and pulled out a thick cream envelope. “He still wants you at the premier.”

Seokjin took hold of the textured envelope and ran his finger under the seal flap.

The V.I.P. Ticket was printed on thick paper with a silver trim. His name was written in real ink
calligraphy.

“I don’t want to ruin his evening.”

“I don’t think you could if you tried.”

Seokjin returned the ticket to the envelope.

“I’ll think about it.”

The suit was beautiful. Taken out of some vault somewhere in Paris and tailored just for him. A
fairly plain white tunic shirt that was made of the softest cotton Seokjin had ever touched in his life.
It was paired with pale pink cotton trousers with exquisite darker pink and white embroidered
detailing that had been hand sewed and must have taken days if not weeks to finish. But the best
part was the white and pink silk jacket with its long tails. The way it seemed to float, how it caught
the light making it seem like it was many different shades of pink. He wanted to buy it. But alas, he
had to give it back to his agency on Monday.
The whole ensemble was definitely a real statement piece and any other time he would have
strutted onto that red carpet wearing the eye-catching outfit like he owned the place.

Now he left it in its protective garment bag hung in his closet and instead donned a white T-shirt
and black dress trousers and a fluffy light green cardigan instead.

It was more appropriate, he wasn't going to steal anyone’s limelight, in fact he was planning on
being fashionably late and heading in a side door thanks to a friend he knew who worked at the
cinema.

He would sit at the back and watch Namjoon’s vision come to life on the big screen. He would clap
with everyone else.

He would let Namjoon have his deserved moment as the lead screenwriter on his own book
adaptation.

Then he would quietly slip out again, get to the club before Namjoon, get some Dutch courage
down himself so once the night was winding down he could light the fuse and stand well back as
his bombshell exploded.

He sat at the back in an aisle seat. The movie was just as good as the book, even if Seokjin
preferred the original source material.

He slipped out before the credits rolled and walked the two streets to the after party.

He was surprised to see he wasn’t the first person there, he knew a couple of the people from
Namjoon’s office chatting in a corner and he avoided them.

Even the place Namjoon had picked for the after party was classy. A big teak bar with walnut
inlays on the panelling. Mood Lighting lit the rows of bottles from behind creating an almost
stained glass effect.

Even the staff were smart, in waistcoats and cute little bow ties. He ordered a Watermelon piña
colada to start with, as much as he’d like to go right to the hard liquor, he knew he needed to pace
himself.

It was almost an hour before other people started to arrive. By that point Seokjin had moved to a
table in a dark corner with his fourth drink and his phone, and was definitely feeling a little tipsy.

He also had a gift bag too, one he’d been carrying around all night.

It was somewhat of a ritual for them. It had started in college when Namjoon had a short story
published in a periodical. Seokjin had been so proud because he knew the first draft had been
written in a notebook Seokjin had bought him. So he’d bought him another one as a congratulatory
gift, this one was expensive moleskin with painted honeysuckle flowers on the front cover.

And when Namjoon had self published a book of poetry, some of it written in the honeysuckle
book; Seokjin had bought him another and so on and so forth.

This one was no different and yet it was.

He’d clutched it close to his stomach almost protectively through the screening, now it sat on the
seat beside him. He looked at it, unsure how he should even go about this.

Namjoon walked over to the bar, accompanied by some hangers-on Seokjin didn’t know. A women
with short cropped blonde hair practically hung off him and he laughed at something she said.

Suddenly Seokjin didn’t feel like drinking anymore. He pushed the almost finished cocktail away.

He had no right to feel jealous. He’d been an asshole to Namjoon. Had all but pushed him into this
ladies arms.

He should be happy for him. Except his hormones and the alcohol of course didn’t allow it. Yes, the
alcohol. Not the searing jealousy he felt. Or the realisation of something else.

His breath caught in his throat and nausea rolled over him in a wave. This wasn’t morning sickness,
this was the rich booze he’d been chugging like milk. This was his own fault. This was what he
deserved.

He got to his feet unsteadily, knocking the table. The glasses jingled together and one fell over,
rolling in a semicircle. He managed to catch it right before it toppled off onto the floor.

He staggered to the bathroom.

He found a cubicle unoccupied and leant over the toilet bowl. His mouth filled with saliva, his
vision doubled, he dry heaved.

Seokjin lost track of time as he tried to get his body to vomit or settle. There was a second where he
felt sure it would be the former, then the feeling passed and his insides gurgled but decided to let
the contents of his stomach remain there.

He spat out an acidic taste of fake watermelon and rested his head on his arm. He needed to leave
but his legs wouldn’t let him. He felt sure if he moved the feeling would come back. So he stayed
hunched over until someone banged on the door.

“You ok in there buddy?”

Seokjin wiped his mouth with toilet paper and flushed.

“Yeah.” He said, his voice coming out a lot stronger than he’d imagined.

He unlocked the door and walked past the big guy with the beer belly and washed his hands.

He glanced in the mirror once just to make sure he didn’t look as bad as he felt. It wasn't far off, his
forehead was shiny with sweat, his eyes red and pupils wide. He ran a hand over his fluffy hair and
gave up, exiting back into the club.

The music wasn’t too loud, someone had clearly told the event organisers that people would like to
hear each other speak. Still the steady bass and drums thrummed through him like another
heartbeat.

He couldn’t see Namjoon or in fact anyone he knew. That was good, it meant he could probably
slip out before anyone noticed.
Except. He stopped halfway across the room, the coloured lights spinning and flashing around him.
Shit. He’d left the gift bag at his seat.

He spun and hurried back. Two people now occupied the table.

“Is there a blue gift bag here?” He slurred.

“Sorry, I gave it to the bar staff.”

Cold sweat trickled down his neck. “Thanks.” He called over his shoulder. The bar was busy, he
pushed his way through little groups of people. Till he could see the wide expanse of wood.

Namjoon stood out like he was intentionally illuminated.

He was looking at her with interest, following whatever she was saying with a smile on his lips.

Tears blurred his eyes.

‘Suck it up buttercup,’ A nasty voice in the back of his head said. ‘Too late to do anything now.’

The voice was right.

Namjoon lent into her space, saying something into her ear, his hand on the small of her back.

She laughed, head tilting back, white hair catching the light.

Namjoon looked around him, scanning over Seokjin standing by a pillar, moving on and flicking
back. Seokjin didn’t see that, he was already pushing through a group of people and out into the
street.

🐨
All night he’d been looking to see if Seokjin would come. He thought he’d seen a glimpse earlier in
the theatre but when he’d looked again the person was no longer there.
When he’d arrived at the club, Goeun, one of their graphic designers, had said she’d seen Seokjin
at the bar, but hadn’t seen him since. Namjoon wondered if he’d left already.

While the place wasn’t heaving, it was still busy enough and dimly lit enough that finding anyone
was hard.

Goeun was someone he knew, she’d helped with the design for the ‘Indigo’ book cover. She was
safe. Someone he could stand with and talk about the movie while he waited for Yoongi and
Hoseok to get here.

“I didn’t expect this many people.” He said to her.

“Oh come off it. You’re this new hot commodity. Have you seen what PR are saying?”

“Pretty sure Kim Jihyun hates me, so I hate to think what they’re saying.”

Goeun laughed. “Jihyun-shi is a miserable spinster who hates all alphas equally, don’t take it
personally. And actually the press release she put out tonight was very complimentary.”

“I look forward to reading…. it…” His voice trailed off. Standing in the shadows he was positive
he’d seen Seokjin, but when he looked back the space was empty, nothing but flashing lights.

But he was sure it was, he was unmistakable, unless he was hallucinating of course.

“Did you say you saw Seokjin?”

“Yeah, right before everyone arrived.”

“Can you remember what he was wearing?”

“Err. A green top I think and black pants. Why?”

His heart sank. It had definitely been Seokjin and instead of walking over, he’d walked out.

“No reason.” He necked the drink in his hand. “It doesn’t matter.”

But it did matter. It mattered a lot.

People ebbed and flowed around him. At some point Yoongi had found him, they toasted the film
and propped up the bar.

“I don’t know what I’ve done either.” Yoongi was telling him. “Jimin’s… He normally tells me
everything. Over shares, you know?”

Namjoon just shrugged. Yoongi talking about his relationship wasn’t exactly a topic they spoke of
very often. All he knew about it was Yoongi had met Jimin at Seokjin’s birthday party about four
years ago and secretly dated for almost a year before Seokjin had walked in on them.

⁓⁂⁓

“I’m never going to be able to un-see it.”

Namjoon laughed harder.

“It’s not funny. Oh my god I feel violated.”

“You’ll get over it.” He rubbed Seokjin’s back.

“I'm pretty sure I won't. I can still see his pale ass burnt into my retinas.” Seokjin buried his face
further into Namjoon’s thighs. “I totally see why they call it mooning now.”

Namjoon was laughing so hard his eyes started to water.

⁓⁂⁓

“Guy behind the bar says this is yours.”

Namjoon jumped. The club came back into focus. He stared at one of the organisers holding
something out.

“I’ve never seen that before in my life.” He looked at the blue bag with little fish on it.

“Your name’s on the tag.”

“Oh.” He nodded to the man and took a hold of the blue silky ribbon handles.

“Who’s buying you gifts?” Yoongi looked nosily at the bag.

“No idea.” He knew. On some primal level he knew before he turned over the orange cartoon crab
tag.

‘Namjoon. May your pen never run out of ink. Seokjin xxx.’

He exhaled loudly, a mix of emotions overwhelming him.

“Everyone must think I’m such an idiot.”

“Not really. Emotionally stunted maybe. Hi.”

Namjoon looked up from the bag. Jimin had arrived. He looked between the two of them.

“I’m not stopping. Taehyung’s having a meltdown.” He smiled but even Namjoon, who didn’t
know Jimin that well could see it was strained.

“Everything ok?”

“I hope so.”
-

🐻🐯
“Jin hyung?”

Taehyung hadn’t meant to miss the premier, he hadn’t meant to be late to any of it.

But it was fine, the seats in the cinema may as well have been in the parking lot and it wasn’t that
he didn’t want to watch Namjoon hyung’s movie, but he could see it anytime and missing the start
of a party wasn’t the end of the world. He’d been to plenty of after parties in his time. Plus he
literally only lived three streets from the club, he could shower, get dressed, do his hair and makeup
and be there in plenty of time.

Seokjin had always just stood out from a crowd, so he knew it was him slumped in a bus stop just
from his side profile.

“Hyung.”

“I have my pass….” His eyes rolled.

Taehyung could smell the alcohol. An empty soju bottle lay on its side by his feet, a half finished
one stood beside him on an empty chair.

“Fuck hyung. What have you been doing? Can you walk?”

Seokjin’s eyes opened, the pupils shrinking and enlarging as he tried to focus.

“Taehyungie, my favourite dongsaeng.” He slurred, his hand coming up to touch Taehyung’s face,
“Look at you, so handsome. Have I told you that?”

“Lots of times,”

“You are you know. So handsome.”

“I need to get you home, ok?”

Seokjin whined. “No. No go home. Stay out and party. Let's go and party Tae Tae. Come on. Let's
find us some big strong alphas who won’t break our hearts.”

“Oh hyung.” He had no idea what was going on, but he had a bad feeling.

Jimin had been cryptic, but was clearly agonising over something. Seokjin and Namjoon had
broken up? Or something, because they weren’t, whatever they weren’t. God they were confusing.
“Hyung, you’re coming back to mine ok. No more partying.”

Seokjin pouted and lifted the bottle.

“Nope.” Taehyung grabbed it. “That’s enough.”

Seokjin made to take it back, but overbalanced, falling off the bench and onto the floor.

Taehyung gave a sigh and helped him up.

It took twice as long to steer him back to his place. Seokjin kept getting distracted and then decided
he was hungry and doubled back to get chicken.

He munched happily on it as Taehyung opened the door, guiding him inside.

“Eat.” Seokjin shoved a chunk into his face.

“I’m fine.”

“You’re too skinny. You need to eat. Got to keep your strength up.”

He seemed to lose interest and wandered into the main room instead. Dropping the box onto a side
table and swaying over to the kitchen.

Taehyung knew what he was looking for, more booze. He hurried after and manhandled him away.

“Sit down.” He heaved him onto the sofa.

Then he watched as Seokjin crumbled in front of him.

“Seokjin?.... I’m sorry, I…”

“What’s wrong with me?”

“What?.” He sat down.

Seokjin pulled his knees to his chest. Hiding his face between his knees as he silently cried.

“Seokjin hyung. What’s going on?” He was trying very hard to hide how scared he was. He’d never
in the seven years of knowing Seokjin, ever seen him like this.

“Everything's so fucked up.” His voice sounded muffled. “I’ve ruined everything.” He sobbed.

“You haven’t, Seokjin…”

“I have.” He looked up. Cheeks streaked with wetness. “I’ve fucked up so bad.” He breathed.

Taehyung wasn’t sure how he could help, he rubbed Seokjin’s back, but he pulled away.

“Don’t. Don’t be nice to me. I don’t deserve it.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I’m a terrible person. Look at me. Drinking. I shouldn’t be drinking. It’s selfish. I’m selfish.” He
wept. “I’m so selfish. Always have been. Wanting what I can’t have. And now…” He looked down
at himself and clutched at his stomach. “I didn’t mean to hurt it.”

“I don’t understand.”

“My pup. I didn’t want to hurt him.”

Taehyung sat there stunned as Seokjin slid sideways on the sofa, using one of Taehyung’s plush
critters as a pillow to cry into.

“Pup?”

Seokjin just shuddered.

He’d jokingly suggested it to Jimin when Seokjin had been sick, but he’d never really been serious.

“It’s ok. It’s going to be ok. Just.” Taehyung put his arm over Seokjin’s waist. “You’re not alone.”

“I am.” He heard Seokjin whisper.”

“No, no you’re not.”

Seokjin pushed him away again. Gasping through his sobs.

“I’ll be right back, ok? I’m just going to get you some tissues.” He stood and mindlessly walked
into the bathroom, closing the door behind him with a soft thud. He ran his hands over his face.
What the hell should he do? He took his phone out of his pocket and looked through the names.

“Tae? Where are you?”

“Did you know Jin hyung’s pregnant?”

There was silence.

“I’ll take that as a yes. Look, he’s here and he’s out of his mind drunk and I don’t know what to
do.”

“Where are you?”

“Mine.”

“Ok, I’ll be there in like, ten minutes. Can you keep him there?”

Taehyung looked out of the bathroom. He couldn’t be sure, but he thought maybe he’d fallen
asleep.

“Yeah. I don’t think he’s going anywhere anytime soon.”

“Okay good. That’s good” Jimin gave a laboured sigh. “See you soon.” The phone beeped and cut
off.

Seokjin had indeed started snoring when he returned. Taehyung gently stroked his slightly curly
hair. “Get some sleep hyung.”
When Jimin let himself in Taehyung could already hear the raised voices.

“Shhhhh.” He put his finger to his lips as the four of them stood in his entry way.

“Sorry.” Jimin left his shoes and walked over, stopping at Seokjin's head and looking down at him
with a frown on his face.

“Why are they here?” He hissed.

Jimin huffed. “Yoongi wouldn’t let me go without an explanation and…” He indicated to Hoseok.
“Heard me and told him. ”

Namjoon pushed past.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, he’s just drunk and passed out.” Taehyung answered. “And keep the noise
down.”

“Sorry.” Namjoon sunk to his knees in front of Seokjin.

God they were so fucking annoying. He could see the worry on Namjoon’s face, see the fondness in
the way he reached out to touch, then retracted his hand.

“You didn’t all need to come. He’s fine here. I’ll make sure he doesn’t choke on his vomit or
whatever.”

Namjoon physically flinched and Taehyung felt bad for him.

“Yeah don’t you have a party to host?” Jimin folded his arms.

“That’s not important.” Namjoon didn’t look up. “I should take him home.”

“Just let him sleep.” Jimin exclaimed. Loud enough that Seokjin stirred.

Namjoon did touch him this time. Running his hand through his unruly hair, brushing it tenderly off
his forehead, tucking it behind his ear. Seokjin settled, turning slightly as if chasing the touch,
pouting when it disappeared.

“He’ll be fine.” Taehyung reasserted. “I’ll take good care of him.”

Namjoon gave Seokjin’s arm a last squeeze, he nodded and cleared his throat as if he was going to
speak but instead he got to his feet.

“Yeah, right of course. Erm, I should go. We should go.” He walked to the door. “Tell him thanks
for the notebook.”

“Jimin?” Yoongi said.

“I’ll see you at home.”

“Ok.” He gave Jimin a kiss on the cheek and followed the other two out.
Seokjin gave a whine in his sleep and turned over.

“What notebook?”

Jimin shrugged. “No idea.”

⁓⁂⁓

Seokjin couldn’t be more proud, he stood in the supermarket isle and read the short story for a
second time.

He sipped his iced coffee and wandered towards the cash register.

He walked by the stationary aisle, a display of notebooks. Journals, exercise books and A4 pads
caught his eye. Some plane some a little more fancy. He ran his finger over a Hydrangea blue
moleskine notebook and knew this was the one because of the pretty little honeysuckle flowers
drawn over it. He smiled and gave the little elastic keeping it closed a twang, Namjoon would
totally get it

He’d bought the cheap one Namjoon had written that story in. Not on purpose, Namjoon had asked
him if he had any spare paper and Seokjin had just thrown a book of A4 lined paper to him.

Now the piece he’d written on it was printed in the magazine in his hands.

He picked up the book and looked at the price. He could afford it now he was making money. That
catalogue shoot he'd done had paid his rent and takeaways for a month. He added it to his basket
and went to check out.

He told the guy at the counter about Namjoon’s story. He gave a half hearted ‘not really listening’
smile and asked for ₩49800.

Then he told the lady who took his Gopchang-jeongol order about it. She was much more
enthusiastic. Probably because they’d been ordering from her restaurant for over a year now. She
even gave him free jjin mandu to congratulate them, and Seokjin would never say no to free
steamed dumplings.

“What’s this?”

Seokjin knelt down next to him and handed him the badly wrapped present.

Seokjin gave a shrug. “Saw it and thought of you.”

Namjoon pulled the blue book out of the bag.

“Maybe you can write your next masterpiece in it.”

Namjoon ran a finger over one of the flowers and grinned “Maybe I will.” He pulled him to him,
hugging him tightly.
Seokjin laughed as they overbalanced and toppled over onto the floor. Namjoon couldn't help
joining is as they tried to disentangle themselves.

⁓⁂⁓

🐨
Namjoon stood outside Taehyung’s apartment block.

“Joon-ah?” Yoongi asked.

“What am I doing?”

Yoongi stepped into his field of vision. “What do you mean?”

Namjoon looked away from the building and ran a hand over his face. “This whole messed up
situation. You warned me so many times it would end up like this and I didn’t listen.”

“I talk a load of shit, you know that.”

“Yeah, well that shit was spot on. You were right. You can’t just be friends with benefits. One of
you always develops feelings. Who’d have thought it’d be me?”

Yoongi looked for a second as if he was going to put his arm around him. Hoseok on the other hand
didn’t hesitate. Putting his arm around Namjoon and holding his shoulder.

“I have to go back. I need to tell him…”

“Get a hold of yourself.” Yoongi finally touched him, placing both hands on either side of his neck
and looking up at him. “Listen to yourself. Do you really think storming back in there and telling
him this while he’s drunk, is going to help anyone? By all means confess, it’s about fucking time.
But not now. Let Taehyung and Jimin take care of him.”

“That should be my job.” He growled.

“Yeah, it should be, but it isn’t! Go home, sleep it off and go see him on Monday when you’re both
sober and he hasn’t got the hangover from hell.”

Namjoon knew Yoongi was right, but his instinct, those ancient feelings they all had. Were
protesting like he’d never felt before.

When he’d touched him, even through his clothing, he’d never felt the urge to protect so strongly.
To lay down on the sofa with him and hold him close. Press his nose against Seokjin’s neck until he
fell asleep.
It wasn’t like he’d never seen Seokjin drunk before. They’d been like this lots of times. But this felt
different, his wolf had never whined about being separated from Seokjin before. He wanted to
listen to it, Seokjin needed him.

He took a shuddering breath. No, he didn't. Seokjin had Jimin and Taehyung and he also had the
mystery alpha. He growled.

"Joon."

"Sorry." But he wasn't sorry, not even a little bit. Who ever that guy was he wasn't here. Namjoon
was here, looking up at the building.

Namjoon knew the drill when Seokjin had too much to drink. Did They? Did Taehyung know to get
Seokjin to drink at least two glasses of water before bed or he’d wake up dehydrated and cranky?
Did Jimin know that Seokjin was an affectionate drunk and liked cuddling? That he always got
emotional over the smallest things? Or that he liked falling asleep having his hair stroked? And
liked to recover curled up on the sofa with a Ghibli movie. Did they know he liked to have
gummies fed to him while he did it?

He couldn’t seem to take his eyes off the 9th floor, he’d counted. He knew which window was
Taehyung’s kitchen.

“I can’t leave him.”

“Namjoon…”

“I know, ok. I know. I screwed up. I… I left it too late… I… There’s no point.” He looked back at
his friends. “I need to walk it off. I’ll see you on Monday.”

“Namjoon?”

He turned and crossed the street, he didn’t look back.

⁓⁂⁓

He heard the dramatic groans before Seokjin emerged, dressed in one of Namjoon’s hoodies and
striped pyjamas bottoms. Hair messed up and partly hidden by the grey hood, a pout on his lips as
he face planted on the sofa.

“Did you enjoy your birthday?” Namjoon tried to keep the amusement out of his question, but he
still had vivid memories of drunk Seokjin dancing on a table to a Britney Spears song.

“Uggghhhhh.” Came the reply, muffled by the cushion he was trying to suffocate himself with.

“Sit up.” Namjoon gently ran his fingers through his hair that had come loose from the hood.
Seokjin did as he was asked and Namjoon slipped into the space where his face had been.

“Too bright.” His head landed back on Namjoon’s lap.

“I have gummies.”

“You do?” He lifted his head like a cute animal, eyes still half closed but definitely more alert at
the promise of food.

“Course I do, I always have an emergency stash. I like sweet things too, you know.”

He pulled a pack out of his pocket.

Seokjin turned over to squint up at Namjoon.

“Open.” Seokjin dutifully opened his mouth and let Namjoon feed him.

He was quiet for a while, accepting the jellies he offered.

“How bad was I?” He croaked.

“Your performance of Wannabe will be recounted by generations to come.”

“Noooo.” He covered his face with his hands hidden in Namjoon’s top.

He laughed, Seokjin really was cute.

“Thank you for looking after me.”

Namjoon was a little taken aback. He looked down at his best friend. “Of course. Who else will
make sure there are gummy worms ready to go?”

“No, I mean it. I don’t even remember you bringing me home. You didn’t need to stay and make
sure I’m ok. You don’t have to do all this…” Seokjin took hold of his hand. “But you do. And it
means a lot.”

“I’ll always be here to rub your back when you’re being sick.”

“Uggghhhhh.” Seokjin rolled over burning his face in Namjoon’s tummy. “Why would you bring
that up. Excuse the pun.”

Namjoon just laughed and pulled him closer.

⁓⁂⁓

🐹
“Drink this.”
Seokjin wasn’t sure he could drink anything. He still had his head down the toilet. Had only just
made it here. He was pretty sure he’d missed. He’d offer to pay for a cleaning service to come or
something.

“Hyung, come on.”

He allowed hands to gently pull him away from the bowl, he took a mouthful of water, swilled and
spat out the bitter taste of semi digested alcohol and bile. Then one of them was wiping his mouth
with a soft cloth while the other closed the lid and flushed it.

The glass touched his lips a second time, this time he sipped the chilled water slowly, swallowing
down his raw throat.

“Thanks.”

“Feel better?”

Did he? His mouth tasted like actual shit, the room was still spinning and even the quietest of
sounds hurt his poor head.

“No.” He finished the water and went back to resting against the toilet seat.

Someone sighed.

He didn’t blame them for being annoyed, he was being a burden. Imposing himself on his friends
and probably ruining their evenings.

He tried to get to his feet. Hands grabbed him.

“Steady.” Taehyung said gently.

“I have to go home.”

“Don’t be stupid.”

“Absolutely not!”

Seokjin covered his sensitive ears.

“You can barely stand up, I’m honestly considering taking you to emergency care.”

“No!” He snapped. “I’m fine, I didn’t drink that much.”

Taehyung looked at him sceptically. Ok, maybe he’d had a couple, or more, he couldn’t really
remember anything.

He allowed them to take him back to the sofa where he laid himself down again.

“I couldn’t find a bucket, but here’s a salad bowl.” Jimin said.

“I’ll buy you a new one.” Seokjin mumbled as he felt sleep creeping over him.

“Don’t worry about it.”

⁓⁂⁓

“What’s this?” Seokjin pulled a pink notebook with a big ‘Versace’ running vertically down the
cover out of the gift bag.

“Mines silver.” Jimin showed his own.

He gave it the once over then put it back and looked at the other goodies they’d been given in their
swag bags. Seokjin pulled out a couple of energy bars from one of the companies sponsoring the
event and an expensive bottle of water. There was also a couple of key chains, a glossy magazine, a
disposable camera, a decent lip balm that he would definitely use, a sample of some vegan organic
hand cream and a couple of face masks.

“Not bad, but London’s was better.” Taehyung said, his mouth full of one of the energy bars.
“Tastes like cardboard.” He reviewed.

He took out the note pad again and flicked through the blank pages. Soft pink paper with navy
lines. Would it be tight-fisted of him to give Namjoon a gift he got for free?

He was going to do some sight seeing later on in the week before they flew back to Seoul, His plan
was to find a little gift then, as he always did when he was abroad. But he’d been feeling decidedly
dodgy since he got off the plane and even after taking some stomach medicine, he was feeling no
better so his plan was now to sleep at every opportunity.

Namjoon would see the funny side. And it wasn’t a bad quality pad.

⁓⁂⁓

🐨
Namjoon had spent most of Sunday in a stew of anxiety, ending up on a bike ride that went well
into the double figures to try and clear his mind.

He cycled past both Taehyung’s apartment and Seokjin’s, twice. Wondering if he should go up, see
if he was home and do what he should be doing, taking care of him. Because something deep inside
him was urging him to do that.

Maybe it was just the fact they’d known each other so long.

He ended up sitting on a bench by the river, watching the sun set behind the buildings and
mountains.
The sky was stained pink and orange. It was beautiful.

He slept fitfully, waking multiple times and tossing and turning till he eventually gave up and went
to work.

At 7am on a Monday morning there was a particular kind of quiet to his floor of the office block. A
handful of staff already at their desks doing what ever it was they did. Namjoon had his small office
in one corner of the 11th floor. Nothing special, although he'd always liked the view.

He didn't even have a great deal of work to do, his next meeting wasn’t Wednesday and the first
draft of his next manuscript wasn’t even half done. He answered a dozen or so emails and then sat
staring at the blinking cursor.

How many times had he scrapped the first few pages. Nothing was sticking, everything felt hollow
and vapid.

Nobody would ever want to read this crap.

A blue gift bag caught his eye. It sat front and centre along with other gifts that had been presented
to him over the course of Saturday. Some nice bouquets of flowers, a fruit basket, fancy chocolate
truffles and macarons and lots of greeting cards. There was even a small pile of business cards he’d
collected.

But the blue bag, Hoseok must have had it dropped off with the rest of the stuff.

He stood from his chair and slowly walked over.

Even though he’d guessed what was inside, he still pulled open the ribbon and reached in.

He took it out and looked at it. A two tone pink Barocco print with ‘Versace’ stamped across the
both covers. Very fancy. He turned it over in his hands to the front, slipping a finger under the
elastic and pulled it off.

He expected crisp clean pages inside. But what he was met with was a sort of scrapbook.

A pressed, semi fresh yellow daffodil was Sellotaped to the inside cover. Beneath it what looked
like a page ripped out of a book of birds. A photo of a little brown bird with a red chest.

Common name: robin.

Scientific name: Erithacus rubecula.
Family: Muscicapidae (Old World flycatchers)
Habitat: gardens, woodland, parks, hedgerows.
Diet: worms, fruit, seeds, insects.

He read the little blurb a little confused and then he looked at the first page of text.
‘Namjoon. Hi. I’m not exactly a wizard with words like yourself. I don’t even know why I’m writing
this. But when I was looking for a top to wear, I found this thing still in one of the pockets of my
suitcase. I guess I must have forgotten I put it there when I left Milan.

Oh Milan. What cluster fuck that was.

If you’re reading this, I guess I’ve told you everything by now, so you know there’s no one. There
isn’t an Italian Alpha called Tommaso who swept me off my feet. I barely even left the hotel room
the entire time.

I don’t expect you to forgive me for lying. I hope that you can understand that I was simply scared.

I know how all of this sounds. And I’m sorry.

I’m currently in London. I watched the sunset over the city and I wanted to cry. I wanted you here
so badly.

I missed you so so much but worse, standing there, in a foreign city I realised something much
much bigger.

I love you Kim Namjoon and I’m sorry if you’re reading this here for the first time.

Hell, I’m not even sure if I’m even going to give this to you.’

Namjoon turned over the page. His breath caught in his throat. There was no way.

He had to sit down.

‘A little boy gave me that feather, he told me not to be sad. He’s right, I don’t want to be sad
anymore.

While I was in Milan I felt off. On a whim I bought a test. Then I bought six more because they
couldn’t all be positive right?

Telling you like this, I hope it’s not the first time you’re hearing it. I hope that I got the courage to
tell you before you see the scan.

I’m not expecting anything from you. I don’t need you to make an honest omega out of me.

It took me a while to work out what I wanted, and I have to be honest. My first thought was a
termination. But then I saw his heartbeat and I knew what I wanted. So I’m going to raise this pup
myself.

Obviously I want you in his life. But I know how you feel about all that and I know you only see me
and a friend. Or maybe you no longer see me as that. I fully understand if you don’t, the way I
treated you was appalling and I’m so fucking sorry.

I had to protect myself and my pup.

He’s due Around October 4th, but I know you’re good at maths so you could probably work that
one out for yourself.

You can keep the scan photo, do with it what you want.

While I was sitting in Trafalgar square (that coffee shop we went to was closed and I almost cried,
that Victoria sponge cake we had lives in my mind rent free and I was craving it!), I watched that
same child running around and all I could picture was myself sitting in a park, years down the line.
Wondering where you’d be and it broke me thinking about you.

You know, it’s funny but I’ve never even considered dating anyone since we made our arrangement.
And I didn’t know why until I went to tell you about that bird I saw, and realised that I couldn’t do
that anymore (Look I’m now a poet).

That you’re the one I tell everything too. You’re the only one I talk to about my day from thousands
of miles away (I swear I’m not doing it on purpose, I’m trying to be serious dammit!).

You’re the only one I’ve let Into my heart, Hell, into my bed too.

And I keep having to remind myself that you don’t feel that way about me.

I read that stupid ‘Literature Now’ interview you did, the day I found out I was pregnant in fact,
while I was staring at no less than seven tests, it was like it was mocking me.

But I don’t regret it.

I don’t regret making that agreement all those years ago.

I no longer regret conceiving our pup.

I regret not being honest. And I regret shutting you out. You deserve so much better.

The ball’s in your court now.

The moon is full tonight. I take comfort looking at it over London, knowing that it’s the same moon
you’ll look at back home.

I wish you were here!

Seokjin and our little grape.’

Namjoon had barely finished the final line before he was on his feet, grabbing his coat and bag,
shoving the book inside.

He punched the down button repeatedly as if it would somehow make it go faster. He pulled out his
phone while he waited and dialled Seokjin's number.

It continued to ring as the doors opened, a couple of ladies exited, bowing politely but he hardly
noticed them, he was already inside selecting the ground floor. The call disconnected.
He ignored everyone in the lobby, running across the vinyl tiles and out of the glass doors with his
phone back to his ear. Once more ringing until it automatically went to voice mail.

Taxi or subway? Maybe the bus? Or he could rent a bike?

"Hey... It's Namjoon, you already know that I guess." He laughed awkwardly. "Please pick up.... I
really need to...."

There was a screech of breaks and the next thing he knew was he was lying on the ground.

“What the fuck.” Someone was yelling.

He sat up with a little groan, something dripped into his eye.

“Are you ok?” A female voice asked.

“You damaged my bike.” A man yelled.

He looked over at the fallen scooter, something orange trickling out of the panniers.

“Shit. I’m sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

“Yeah no shit Sherlock. What the fuck am I gonna do now?”

“I’ll pay.” Namjoon got to his feet, looking at the ground for his phone, the screen crisscrossed with
a spider web of shattered glass. “Oh noooo, no no.” He picked it up, hoping it wasn't broken
broken, the screen showed his wall paper and icons but try as he might it wouldn't recognise his
finger moving over the glass. "Shit.." Blood smeared over part of it as the jagged glass cut his
phone.

“You’re bleeding.” The women commented.

"It's just a cut."

"No, you're head." She waved something white at him.

Namjoon looked at her, then down at the tissue.

"Thanks." He took it and held it to his head.

"What about my fucking bike mr."

Namjoon looked at the delivery driver, clearly livid, his helmet squished face dark pink.

“Here.” He pulled out one of his business cards and waved it at the delivery rider. “Call here.” He
started to back away. “I’ll cover everything.”

“Hey, you can’t just leave dude. Seriously.”

“I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry. I promise I’m good for it, my secretary will help you.” And he ran.

He heard the shouts fade as he descended the steps to the station. Scanning his card and hurrying to
the platform.
He ignored the way people were looking at him. He had no idea what he’d even done to himself, he
just needed to get to Seokjin.

He got off at the stop he’d been using for nearly two years now. After living together for two years
of university, it had seemed natural to get their own places once they graduated. Seokjin had been
signed by his agency long before he even went to college. He’d been modelling since his early
teens. For a while it seemed like he was rarely even in the country, that was how in demand he was.

Neither of them had talked about living together post uni. They had simply moved out and into
their own apartments.

He’d never said anything, because it would have been weird to admit it, but he missed it. Their late
night chats about useless stuff that didn’t matter.

Seokjin cooking for him, especially when he was stressed with exams or his course work. And of
course their little arrangement.

Namjoon had wondered countless times across the years if it would have happened if they hadn’t
lived together.

Just like everything they seemed to do, it had been one of convenience. Seokjin had been juggling
his studies alongside his work.

He’d confided in Namjoon one night that he had been thinking of quitting college. That even with
the income he had from his modelling gigs he couldn’t justify renting a place he’d only be in part
time. So of course Namjoon had been the one to suggest finding a small apartment together.

But all good things come to an end it seems.

He let his head rest against one of the upright poles on the packed train.

People kept glancing at him, he looked at his reflection in the window.

Transparent and ghostly, but the red was a stark contrast against his skin.

He wiped it away as best he could with his sleeve.

Finally the train came to a stop and he waited impatiently for the small crowd to depart. Then he
hurried as best he could to the street. Walking the route he knew well, ignoring the pain across his
body. He gave the guard on the security gate a wave and tapped in the building code to the main
doors, then once he was on Seokjin’s floor, he didn't bather pressing the doorbell, he entered the
door code there too.

He knew the place was empty the second he walked in. He kicked off his shoes and walked straight
to the bathroom.

The gash was superficial, looking a lot worse than it actually was, he looked dreadful with blood
smeared over his face like that. He was surprised no one had called the police on him.

He ran the hot tap and washed as much off as he could then he opened Seokjin’s medicine cabinet
for the first aid kit he kept in there. He pulled out antiseptic and plasters and squeezed a decent
amount of the white cream onto his finger, spreading it over the cut. He picked out the largest band
aid and stuck it over it.
As he was packing it all away again, a white box clattered into the sink.

He picked it up to shove it back but the label caught his eye. ‘Combipack Of Mifepristone And
Misoprostol Tablets. Strictly for prescription through a qualified gynaecologist only.’

He didn’t need a medical degree to know what it was he was holding.

His hands shook as he looked at it. Still sealed. He needed to sit or something, suddenly he was
feeling rather light headed and it might only be partially because he’d been hit by a delivery
scooter.

Seokjin had made a nest. That was fairly unusual. He only did it when he was in heat and while this
one was far from the intricate ones he would spend hours agonising over it, where a sweater should
go, or smoothing down a blanket. It was just a futon on the floor between his bed and the window, a
pink gauzy material secured over it like a roof and fairy lights strung over the entrance.

Namjoon crossed the room and knelt, inside it was mostly just pillows, a lot of pillows but there
were other items strategically placed. A shiny Dragonair plush toy Namjoon had bought him once.
His maple story stuffed toys and some clothing. Most notable were a hoodie of Namjoon’s he’d
been looking for for weeks being used as a pillow case and the gloves he thought he’d lost the day
they had had their last talk. Namjoon refused to think of it as a fight.

Normally getting into an omegas nest without their permission was terribly insulting. To the point it
could be devastatingly upsetting to the omega. Nests were a safe space. The scent and placement of
the interior were very particular to the omega.

But something about seeing his things in there brought up mixed emotions. Seokjin wanted his
scent. How much was left on those bits of clothing was debatable, but nonetheless, there they were.

He wanted his stuff but not him?

He did the one thing he knew he shouldn't. He climbed in, pressing his nose into the pillow.
Breathing in Seokjin’s intoxicating scent.

Then he turned and picked up one of the gloves, pressing it to his own scent gland before
meticulously placing it back where he’d found it. He returned to breathing in Seokjin’s scent.

He thought about Seokjin, about what he’d written. He wanted to keep their pup. But those pills
made it more real somehow, made him realise how close he was to losing everything.

His head started to ache so he closed his eyes, curling up further around Seokjin’s things. He totally
understood this behaviour. He did feel safe here. Everything about Seokjin had always made him
feel safe.

He felt sick that Seokjin thought he wouldn’t want this. That he wouldn’t want him. It was so
obvious to him now why he had always said he was against settling down with anyone. Why had ne
never realised it?
⁓⁂⁓

“Jin hyung? Are you here?” Namjoon let himself into their shared apartment armed with takeaway.

It was the smell that hit him first, before he heard the low groaning.

The sweet scent of honeysuckle with something much headier underneath.

Namjoon gulped.

He was already walking to Seokjin’s side of the bedroom before he even registered it. His feet
taking on a life of their own. His wolf snarled with arousal.

He’d never encountered Seokjin during his heat. He’d always gone to his parents for the two days,
dosed up on god knows what.

Now though…

“Seokjin?” He pulled back the thick mauve curtain that separated their beds.

He was almost fully covered by his bedding, the plush toys he collected arranged around him along
with pillows, some of the cushions from their sofa and a bunch of fluffy blankets. Namjoon took in
his nest, almost losing his mind at items from his own side of the shared wardrobe situated around
it, including what he was sure were his sleep shorts poking out from near a pillow.

“Don’t look at me.” His voice mumbled, sounding almost pained.

“Do you want me to go and stay at Yoongi’s?”

Seokjin whined.

Namjoon’s wolf begged him to climb into the nest and comfort at the pitiful sound.

“I don’t know.”

Namjoon needed to breathe but Seokjin’s heat scent was driving him to distraction and on top of
that he knew he was hard, achingly so.

“What can I do?”

“Don’t ask me that. You won’t like the answer.” Seokjin’s voice was high and whiny and it was fully
affecting Namjoon.

“Try me.”

Seokjin shifted under the quilt, undulating below and Namjoon couldn’t help imagining what he
was doing.

“You can fuck me….”

The statement hung in the air. Namjoon’s mouth was dry, his jeans were tight. Seokjin was right, he
shouldn’t have asked.

Seokjin gave a pained sob and that was all it took.

“Ok.”

“What?” He sniffled.

“It doesn’t have to mean anything. We’ve known each other too long to worry about being
awkward. If you need relief let me help, you trust me, right?”

Seokjin pulled the covers down enough for his eyes to peer out. Two big beautiful shiny globes of
chocolate brown.

“I trust you.” Seokjin pulled down the covers some more.

He was naked beneath the quilt, creamy honeyed skin, smelling like what Namjoon imagined
heaven would smell like.

He instinctively pulled off his own T-shirt and managed to take his jeans off without falling over.

He didn’t feel judged by Seokjin as he climbed in behind him, resting a hand on his stomach, before
pulling him close, skin to skin. It shouldn't feel this right. It should feel uncomfortable, awkward.
Instead he felt his dick twitch as Seokjin pressed back against him.

“I have condoms in my drawer.” He whispered against Seokjin's neck.

He nodded, but neither of them moved.

“I’m on the pill.” Seokjin pushed his hips back again, clearly grinding against him, Namjoon’s
erection slid wonderfully between his cheeks.

He gave a guttural moan against Seokjin’s hair, holding on a little tighter as he did it again and
again, his natural lubricant coating his cock with every movement.

Then shaking fingers were wrapping around his penis, positioning it.

“If this isn’t ok, you need to tell me.” Seokjin said an almost frantic edge to his voice as he paused
in his movement.

“I’m good. Are you?”

“Yes.” Seokjin pushed it into himself and they both groaned together, harmonising in the best way.

Namjoon instinctively grabbed Seokjin’s thigh and held it up, Making Seokjin almost howl as he
slid inside deeper. Fuck, he was so screwed, and he did not miss the irony in that statement as he
gave in to Seokjin’s demands of harder and faster.

Namjoon’s mind was blank for the duration. At some point he remembered eating the food he’d
brought back, almost having to force Seokjin to eat and drink something. Then going right back to
it. Seokjin sitting in his lap with his back to him, impaling himself on his cock again and again as
he satisfied that stupid need to breed.
And Namjoon would never admit to loving every single second of it. How could he not? Watching
as he disappeared inside him in a lude but erotic way. The sounds of their skin slapping and other
noises he prayed wouldn’t be heard through the walls of their apartment to the elderly couple next
door.

When Seokjin got tired, Namjoon positioned him onto his belly and took over. Pounding into him
with a vigour he didn't know he had in him. Relishing every time Seokjin praised him as they both
got closer to their climaxes.

And so it went on for almost two days.

“We should talk about this, right?” Seokjin whispered to him, sometime in the early hours of day
two.

“Yeah.” Namjoon held him protectively close to his chest, his knot buried deep inside the other.

“I don’t want this to be weird, but, if you need a rut partner…”

Namjoon stopped stroking Seokjin’s tummy. “You?”

He felt Seokjin shrug. “Why not? I think we’ve proved we’re a compatible team. I don’t feel
embarrassed by any of this. Do you?” He turned slightly to peer over his shoulder at Namjoon.

Namjoon thought about it. The only thing he felt embarrassed by was how fast his wolf had agreed
to it in the first place.

“No, no I don’t.”

“So when is it? I’ll make sure my schedule's free.”

“September. The week after my birthday.”

“I’ll make a note of it.” Seokjin yawned.

“You can sleep, I’ll clean up.”

“Mmmm, okay. Thank you.”

⁓⁂⁓

-
Seokjin sat facing the panoramic windows. Framed photos of other models who belonged to the
agency hung behind him. One of those giant canvases was of himself from three years ago, taken
from the Ted Baker spring summer collection showcase. He wore a pink shirt with clouds on that
he’d been allowed to keep but had never worn again. He was pretty sure it was still hanging in his
closet somewhere, he should probably do a clear out and donate some stuff soon, he'd be needing
the space.

Someone coughed, drawing his attention back to what he was actually here for.

This wasn’t just a regular meeting, his lawyer was here, a family friend who they trusted to deal
with their most important legal issues. Next to him sat his parents. Then the firms legal team, two
women and a man. And then his booking manager, his manager's manager and the agency's COO
who would of course be reporting back to the agency's CEO.

It wasn’t humiliating enough that he had to talk to just his booker Sungyeol about his unplanned
pregnancy, oh no, he had to say it and have them discuss it in front of a dozen people.

He turned his eyes away from the view and found Kim Yoomi, the COO looking at him.

She raised her hand and the female alpha who was head of their legal department immediately
stopped mid sentence.

“Seokjin.” She leant her chin on her beautifully manicured hands. “I was around your age when I
had my first pup, a blessing in disguise, it changed my whole outlook.” She smiled wistfully.
“Here’s my deal to you. You haven’t yet peaked in this industry. The fact Mr. Yoon here told me he
lets you pick and choose jobs now. Which tells me that your brand power is at a point where you
can step away for however long you need and companies would still be clambering over each other
to book you. I’d also add that your situation could also be an advantage. Do you know how hard it
is to find maternity wear that is both stylish and practical? I guarantee that half a dozen labels
would bend over backwards to design a maternity line just to have you model for them.” She sat
back, posture perfect. “If you wish to void your contract I won’t be pursuing you legally. I know
how hard it is for omegas in this industry. You can take all the time you need.”

“I’ve cancelled any bookings you have after April.” Sungyeol said.

Seokjin could only nod. He was feeling very overwhelmed.

“Shall we meet back here in say…. A month?” She opened a bulging organiser and flicked through
the pages covered in her neat handwriting.

Seokjin’s phone vibrated once more in his pocket. It’d been doing it off and on for a couple of
minutes, but he was busy trying to sort out his life so he’d been ignoring it.

They settled on a date for the next meeting and then the sound of chairs moving on plush carpet
filled the room as people got to their feet.

The COO’s pair of PA’s were already discussing important information with her as they walked to
the doors. She turned as the door was held open to her and she gave him a single smile before she
was escorted out.

Seokjin had been one of only three people who hadn’t stood. The others being his parents.
“I’ll keep you updated, okay?” Sungyeol patted him with what felt like affection as he took his
laptop and binder of paper work with him.

His father had dismissed their lawyer and then it was just the three of them in the room.

Suddenly it seemed too big. The large glass oval table seemed to seat a hundred people rather than
just twenty or so.

“I’m so sorry.” He said. Feeling shame and embarrassment that his parents had had to sit through
all this.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” His mother took his hand. “I already told you we’re here for
you. You are not alone in this.”

“You must be so ashamed of me.” He didn’t want to cry, but these days everything seemed to set
him off. And this in particular at least felt justified.

He covered his face with his hands.

A large palm rubbed his back. “I’ve never been prouder.” His father said.

Seokjin wanted to laugh, it was absurd that he’d think that. Not when his unmated omega son was
about to have an illegitimate pup.

“Am I shocked? Yes, but I’ve never been ashamed of you and I won’t start now. This pup will be
loved and cherished by all of us.” His father gave him a one armed hug. “I’m going to get you
something to drink, ok?”

Seokjin did chuckle, his father clearly knew his mother probably wanted to have an omega to
omega talk and his father, while he was a progressive alpha, wasn’t quite ready to hear the gory
details.

“Thank you.”

He gently squeezed his shoulder and left.

It was silent for a time. Once more his phone buzzed.

“You can answer them if you need to.”

Seokjin shook his head. “It’s fine, it’s just group chat messages. It’s not important.”

Seokjin went back to looking out of the window.

“I’m not going to pry…. Who the father is, is none of my business. But I’m assuming you don’t
have a partner?”

Seokjin shook his head.

“And they’re not in the picture?”

A wave of intense sadness rushed over him and he closed his eyes tight. “It’s complicated.”
His mother took his hand and held it against her chest.

“Is it Namjoon?”

He whipped his head around to look at her so fast he heard it click loudly in the mostly silent room.

She smiled softly. “I wondered. How long?”

“We’re not together.”

“Huh.” She pondered.

“What do you mean, huh?”

“I always just assumed…. It doesn’t matter.”

“No mum, you can’t say huh like that and not elaborate.”

She sighed and smirked. “I just assumed you were together but just didn’t want to make a fuss.
Keeping it quiet, maybe until he proposed or….” Her gaze dipped to his midsection and Seokjin
blushed.

“I’m sorry that your father and I got the wrong end of the stick. You know we both love Namjoon,
he's practically already family, we accepted him as a part of your life years ago. We should have
talked to you about it, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I think I was too used to having him around.”

She frowned. “Are you saying that he doesn’t want to be a part of your pups life?” She looked
angry at that thought.

“What? No, no it’s not like that. I… I haven't told him…”

“Oh Seokjin!” She slapped him on the arm.

He rubbed the area more surprised than actually hurt.

“You stupid boy. Why? Why would you hide that from him?”

“He doesn’t want any of that. Mating and marriage and babies. I didn’t know how to tell him. I
tried writing him a letter, but I lost it somewhere.” He'd thought about that book a lot over the last
forty eight hours. He’d called the bar once he was sober but the person he’d spoken to had no idea
what he was talking about.

“Well you know what you need to do, right? The longer you leave it the harder it’s going to be and
you said you’re almost thirteen weeks? I started to show around that point.”

“I will. I’ll talk to him soon, I just…. I need to…”

“No, you need to be an adult. You’re about to bring a baby into this world, Seokjin. Namjoon
deserves to know he’s about to be a father. And maybe I’m wrong, but he has never struck me as
someone who would walk away from their responsibility.”
“I don’t want him to feel responsible.”

“I know that.” She gave her head a little shake. “Do you know why I assumed you and Namjoon
were more than friends?”

“How?”

“You know that your father and I were put together by a matchmaker? We had to work extra hard to
keep our relationship going. But it’s been worth it. We have two beautiful children together and two
grandchildren, soon to be three. Your father is now my best friend. But you and Namjoon have
always had that, right from when you were children. I was sceptical but the way he looks at you…
He’s always treated you like a mate.”

“But he isn’t”

“Oh Seokjin… That’s not the point… You don’t need marks or rings to be a mate. It’s a deeper
connection than that. Deeper than love even.” She sighed. “But I think you already know that.”

The door opened and his father returned carrying three cardboard cups of something hot.

“Please promise me you’ll talk to him, and soon.”

Seokjin took the hand she held out. “I promise.”

He had no desire to speak to anyone. The rawness of having his personal life laid bare in front of so
many people had really drained him.

He accepted his fathers offer of a ride home with the idea of taking a long bath, laying there in the
bubbles until the water was no longer warm, maybe with a sneaky glass of wine (or more likely a
fruit smoothie because as much as he didn’t want to care, he did and he still felt overwhelming
guilty for getting pissed at Namjoon's afterparty), and a book. Maybe Namjoon's new book. It still
sat in his living room untouched. Every time he saw it he felt sad because he'd been a part of it, had
read parts of it during Namjoon's last rut. It had been horribly intimate and almost domestic.

He exited the elevator, having to work extra hard to put one foot in front of the other. Maybe he
would simply get into his pyjamas and curl up on his sofa to watch something on TV while he
wallowed in self pity. He could pig out on beef bulgogi or naengmyeon or whatever else he fancied.
He didn’t even care what it was, he just needed some comfort food and background noise.

He got his phone out to unlock the door, there were three missed calls, all from Namjoon and one
voice mail.

His heart boomed loudly in his ears, why was Namjoon suddenly wanting to get in touch? His
finger hovered over the voicemail button. He should really listen. He pressed it and put the phone
to his ear, letting his forehead press against his own door.

"Hey... It's Namjoon, you already know that I guess." There was one of Namjoon's chuckles that
Seokjin knew meant he was nervous about something. "Please pick up.... I really need to...." There
was the sound of a small engine, breaks and a horn and some people shouting a thump and then the
phone call cut.
"What the fuck."

Seokjin hit redial and ended it when it went to voicemail.

He started to panic, what had happened, was Namjoon alright? He put the key to the lock and was
about to call someone, Yoongi or Hoseok as he pushed open the door.

Instead he recoiled at the scent of injured distressed alpha. Or more specifically, injured and
distressed Namjoon.

He didn't even take off his shoes or coat as he practically ran through his apartment to look for him,
following his nose. All notions of hiding away from Namjoon well and truly gone, he just needed
to find him, care for him, make sure the father of his pup was looked after. The instinct was so
powerful he was almost crying with fear.

He found Namjoon’s bag and coat dumped in the bathroom, it didn't ease his worries seeing his
ruined jacket, ripped, dirty and worse, covered in blood.

A cold sweat crept over him. More so at the sight of so much blood although rather than the little
sliver of pink notebook he could see sticking out from his bag. That wasn't important right now.

He followed his nose once more to his own bedroom, heartbeat pounding in his ears as he slowly
and quietly crept towards the sound of snoring coming from his nest.

He finally took off his shoes and coat, and got down on his knees to look under the canopy.

Namjoon was curled around one of his pillows, fast asleep and clearly dreaming, going by his
fluttering eyelids.

Seokjin was smart, he could piece together the evidence in front of him. Namjoon had more than
likely read his letter. He’d come here to confront him but something had clearly happened along the
way.

“Oh you silly alpha.” He whispered.

He ignored his own shaking hands as he crawled in, careful not to disturb him, resting his back
against the bed frame, hair brushing the canopy.

He looked over Namjoon’s features checking for damage. A big skin tone plaster covered a swath
of forehead, one corner already coming unstuck. His hair was matted with dried blood and there
was a smear of some miscellaneous muck on his ear and jaw. Seokjin calmed himself, he’d
expected something way worse. But it didn’t calm his wolf fully.

Namjoon was here at his apartment, he’d clearly come looking for Seokjin, and now that he was
here, they’d have to talk at some point. Seokjin would have to explain his actions, he’d have to
apologise for the way he’d treated him. It was the least Namjoon deserved form him.

He gave in and laid down next to him, albeit leaving a respectable gap between them.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered, wanting to reach out and run his fingers through his dishevelled hair.

Namjoon may have been asleep, but he had clearly sensed Seokjin’s presence. He rolled over,
closing the gap, arms reaching out, finding their target and latching on.
Namjoon pressed against him, becoming small as his unconscious form curled around Seokjin. His
head nuzzling into Seokjin’s chest.

Seokjin wanted to hold him back but he didn’t think he deserved this, once Namjoon realised what
he was doing in his sleep, he’d ultimately pull back. He’d probably be angry at Seokjin for what
he’d withheld. Yet he couldn’t stop himself from giving in and holding him in return anyway,
making the most it while it lasted.

Under the smell of old blood and the lingering distress was his Namjoon. The scent of a warm
autumn day, he rubbed his cheek against Namjoon’s hair.

“Mine.” Namjoon mumbled, barely audible.

Namjoon was still sleeping but he had tightened his grip on Seokjin’s waist.

“Yours.” He said back. Knowing Namjoon couldn’t hear him.

⁓⁂⁓

Yoongi stared at him, the look on his face one of outright disbelief mixed with something that might
have been awe.

He waggled his fingers in his ears. “Say that again, I think I misheard you.”

“You didn’t mishear me. Seokjin and I… We… I helped him with his heat. It was early, he should
have been at his parents when it hit, but…” He gave what he hoped passed for a nonchalant shrug.
“It was just sex.”

“It’s never just sex." Yoongi gave what was undoubtable a sigh of disbelief. "Especially with
someone like Seokjin, I mean, even I can appreciate how fucking gorgeous he is, there’s no way you
haven’t noticed too and that's just his looks. I may not know him as well as you but you could do a
hell of a lot worse.”

“We’ve known each other for years, it’s not like that.”

“Bull shit. This is exactly why alphas and omegas don’t become friends…”

“Now that’s bull shit. I’d trust Seokjin with my life and vice versa. I can’t think of anyone I’d rather
spend my time with.”

“And you really want us to believe you’re just friends?” Namjoon knew that sceptical look, it was
the same one his mother gave him sometimes when he talked about Seokjin.

“Why is that so hard to believe?”

“I don’t know, why is it? Could it be because you jumped into bed with him at the first
opportunity?”

“He asked for my help…”

“He could have just taken a suppressant and gone about his day. He could have taken an Omega
taxi to his parents or a love hotel.”

Namjoon grimaced at that thought. He knew how bad it had been for him, thinking of Seokjin with
some anonymous alpha... He shuddered. Yoongi clearly caught it, raising his eyebrows but not
speaking.

But Yoongi was right of course, Seokjin hadn’t needed to go through a full heat. He definitely didn’t
need to ask Namjoon to fuck him. But it was what it was, and frankly it was better, healthier.
Everyone knew suppressants had long term effects and side effects. Namjoon had paid attention in
health class, he knew it was healthy for omegas to use the lowest dose of meds available or to go
without completely. Of course in modern times it just wasn’t feasible all the time. Seokjin had to
work, he couldn’t be at a shoot, surrounded by all kinds of people letting his pheromones fly free.
Taking medication took its toll and Seokjin deserved a break from them.

Namjoon too. He hadn't had a full rut since he’d turned 18 and paid for an omega service.

Which had been awful. He’d been blindfolded and had to wear gloves. He wasn’t allowed to touch
the omega and the omega could only communicate via text to speech. He couldn’t knot them… The
next time he’d had a partial he’d bought a toy. It was silicon and he felt a little gross using it, but it
was better than an anonymous service that hadn’t been satisfying in the slightest.

Never again.

“We’ve agreed to spend my rut together.”

Yoongi shook his head exasperatedly. “One of you is going to end up getting hurt. I know you know
it’s not going to end well.”

⁓⁂⁓

‘What time was it? ’ He wondered as he swam up through a dream about looking for Seokjin. He
felt groggy, his head woolly but at least it no longer hurt.

He was also comfortable, so much so he couldn’t even be bothered to open his eyes. Warmth
enveloped him, and the best scent he could ever wish for. Honeysuckle and something else he
couldn’t put his finger on.

He breathed it in and only then realised it was a body he was clinging to and not the pillow.
He sat up, head colliding with the fabric canopy. In the dark he flailed his arms not knowing what it
was touching his head. He dislodged it, pink tulle floating down covering the both of them.

Seokjin woke up with a start, the two of them looked at each other through the material.

“I’m so sorry.” Namjoon said, trying to pull the fabric off them.

“It’s ok, I hadn’t finished making it properly.

The last of the pink fell away from Seokjin’s face, black and white in the evening light.

“Are you ok?” Seokjin asked. “What happened?” He raised his hand and ran a thumb gently over
Namjoon’s forehead. He pressed against the touch.

For a few seconds he totally forgot why he’d been rushing over here. He was just glad Seokjin was
here with him.

“I got hit by a delivery scooter.”

Seokjin spluttered out a tiny laugh then composed himself.

“Sorry, it’s not funny.”

“It kind of is. I think I owe him a lot of money and I’ll probably be arrested as soon as I step out of
here for leaving the scene of an accident. I’m surprised they’re not surrounding the building as I
speak honestly.”

“No one’s going to come fast roping through my window are they?”

“Maybe. Can’t promise anything.”

They looked at each other for a second. Then simultaneously they both began to laugh. And god it
felt like old times. Like nothing had happened.

Like Seokjin hadn’t pretended to be with another alpha. Like he wasn’t pregnant.

Seokjin stopped laughing, his face falling, his eyes suddenly sad.

“Seokjin.” He put his hand on Seokjin's knee.

“I’m pregnant.”

“I know.”

Seokjin nodded. “I didn’t want to tell you like that. I was just venting. I was so scared and lonely
and I didn’t… I wanted to say it to your face... I'm so sorry. I messed up... I...”

“Hey.” Namjoon took his hand. “Agreed, I wish you hadn’t told me like that. Fuck, you could have
told me when you got back. I wish you’d told me, I would have understood. Seokjin… I would
have supported you. I can’t believe you don’t know that.”

Seokjin held on tighter. “I.. I don’t have an excuse. I had just come back from the clinic and I
was… Confused and I didn’t know if I wanted to… To keep him.”
“Him?”

“That's what you took from that?" Seokjin gave a small watery laugh then composed himself
again. "It’s just a feeling, I don’t know or anything, it’s far too soon for that.” Seokjin ran his other
hand over his covered stomach.

Namjoon wanted to touch too but he didn’t, he kept hold of the other’s hand instead.

“I was in a bad place that day, and… And you just showed up and… I panicked. And… I was
scared.”

“Scared?”

Seokjin nodded, his eyes fixed on the clasped hands. He swallowed visibly and Namjoon realised
he was trying to hold back tears.

“If I told you about him… Everything would change. You keep telling me you don’t want pups or a
mate and you couldn’t make it clearer that you only see me as a friend… And I felt like I trapped
you.”

“Seokjin, that’s… You really think…”

“Of course I thought that. How could I not when you’re having articles published shouting it from
the highest rooftop that it’s not in your ten year plan or whatever. That was all I could think when I
looked at those tests. How could I not?”

Namjoon felt like he’d been slapped. It was devastating knowing he'd really made Seokjin feel like
that. That Seokjin thought he wouldn’t want to be here to support him, that he wouldn’t want
Seokjin and their pup?

“Seokjin…” He couldn't even find words to tell him.

“It’s fine. Well, it’s not, obviously. But I mean… I came to terms with my predicament.” He wiped
away a stray tear.

“Seokjin.”

“I’m just sorry. For everything.”

“You don’t…”

“I do though. You’re right, I should have said something. I should have trusted you. I do trust you.
But I wasn’t even sure what I wanted that day.” Another tear dripped off his nose.

“When I was looking for a bandage I found… I found those pills. Tell me they're not what I think
they are?”

Seokjin let go of Namjoon’s hand and covered his eyes. He gave a guttural whine that sent a shiver
through Namjoon.

Then he took a deep shuddering breath that seemed to calm him.

“You don't have to worry about that. It's too late to... It's not your problem.”
“What do you mean? Of course it’s my problem. It takes two Seokjin. And that pup was conceived
with love. Right? What? You didn’t think you were the only one did you? I’ve been in love with
you for years.” Suddenly a weight he didn’t even know he’d been shouldering around since college
lifted.

Seokjin gaped at him.

Namjoon started to laugh.

“All this time?” Seokjin’s face transmitted a dozen different emotions one after another.

“Yeah.”

“And this ten year plan of yours?”

“I accomplished everything I wanted to. Except one thing.” He lifted Seokjin’s hand and pressed it
to his mouth.

“What?”

“I promised myself that if you were still here after everything, I’d tell you how I felt. But the longer
it went on… You were always so indifferent, so hard to read and I always thought I was so obvious.
I figured that it wasn’t worth telling you. That you’d reject me . So I guess here we are. This is the
moment.” He let Seokjin’s hand drop, but it remained hanging in the air.

“All this time I thought you, you just saw me as a friend. That I was alone in this…” Seokjin
slapped Namjoon’s arm hard. “You absolute idiot.”

“What? Hey.”

Seokjin continued to rain hits down on him.

“You wasted so much fucking time. I’ve been so stressed.”

Namjoon grabbed his arms.

“I’m sorry.”

“Yah! You’re sorry? Really? Well…”

Namjoon kissed him.

He waited for Seokjin to try kicking him or biting or something, but then he sighed, long and loud
and Namjoon let go of his arms. Seokjin’s hands came to rest on his shoulder as the kiss deepened.
Their first kiss. And god did he owe Seokjin a million apologies because why hadn’t they been
doing this instead of fighting.

Then Seokjin chopped his neck with his hand.

“Ouch.” He pulled away, rubbing the place he’d hit him.

“That was from my little shine muscat.”

“Your what?”

Seokjin rolled his eyes as if Namjoon should be fully educated on whatever he was talking about.

“A grape.”

“I know what a shine muscat is…. Wait… ” Namjoon blinked at him for half a second and then the
penny dropped. “Oh. Ooooh. Did you… Is that it’s…” His eyes dropped to Seokjin’s midsection,
covered by a baggy sweater. “His nickname?”

“I guess. He’s not really a grape anymore though, more like a peach I think.”

“Cute.” Namjoon couldn’t help smiling.

He looked back up at Seokjin, even in the silver light of the moonlight he was stunning. A soft
smile on his face just watching Namjoon.

“You should let me look at your head.” He reached out again, once more touching the plaster.

“I’m fine.”

“You were run over by a scooter, you’re not fine.” He got to his feet and held out his hand. “Come
on.”

Namjoon took his hand and allowed the elder to lead him to the bathroom.

The bright lights hurt his eyes as Seokjin sat him on the toilet. He watched silently as Seokjin
carefully removed the Band-Aid and tutted at the gash underneath.

“You should have gone to the emergency room.” He grumbled.

Unknowingly Seokjin copied his own actions, taking the first aid kit out and then rummaging
through it till he found what he was looking for.

“This might sting.” He ripped open a small packet of something pungent smelling.

"Really, you don't.... It looks way worse than it is, head wounds always bleed more than... Ouch."

“Sorry.” He continued to dab gently, folding it over and wiping around the cut.

Seokjin threw it in the bin and opened a second antiseptic wipe. “You have blood in your hair, did
you know that?” He stroked it, pulling slightly at some clearly matted strands. “Maybe we should
just take a shower.

“We?”

“I mean, if you want to shower alone, that’s fine, I just thought maybe you’d like some help getting
it out.”

“Right.” He looked up at Seokjin.

“It’s fine, you don’t…”

“Can we take a bath?”

Seokjin looked down at him. “If you want?”

Namjoon nodded and dropped his head. He was almost face to face with Seokjin midsection. He
flicked his eyes up to him, making sure it was ok if he ran his hands slowly under the woollen top.

It was hardly noticeable, just the slightest convexity to his stomach. He pulled his sweater up so he
could see.

“There’s nothing there yet, it’s too soon.”

Namjoon didn’t care, he needed to be close. He pressed his face against his tummy, warm soft skin
against his forehead, nose and lips. Seokjin held the back of his head, holding him, stroking his hair
lightly.

He could smell that other scent clearer now and it hit him what it was.

“Joonie.”

“Why would you think I wouldn’t want this? Want to be with you?”

He felt Seokjin shiver at the breaths he was leaving against his skin. He kissed the flesh below his
belly button. Seokjin gave a little gasp. Namjoon wanted to just stay here, the warmth, the scent he
wanted to mark Seokjin so badly, show every alpha that he was his.

“You need to let me run that bath.” Seokjin pulled back, breaking the spell, leaving Namjoon to
stare after him as he put the plug in and turned on the water.

Namjoon once more watched him do his thing, pouring some creamy coloured bubble bath onto the
steaming water. Taking towels out of a cupboard.

“Arms up.”

Namjoon compiled without question, letting him peel off his top.

“Jesus, Namjoon.”

“What?” He looked down at himself, at the brutal looking red purple bruise forming across his
chest where he'd come into contact with the scooter.

“I’m ok hyung, I swear, it doesn’t hurt.”

Seokjin stood there clutching Namjoon's sage coloured shirt, frowning as he balled it up and
unravelled it again.

“There’s no way that doesn’t hurt.” He held out a hand to touch, brushing his fingers over
Namjoon's chest lightly.

Namjoon took hold of his wrist gently, pressing his hand harder against his body. “It doesn’t.
Honestly.” He pulled his top out of Seokjin's fingers and pulled him closer.

Seokjin dodged around him and instead manhandled him to look at his back.
“Your back’s all scraped up too. You need to let me disinfect it.” He tutted and stepped back once
more to turn off the water, then back to the first aid kit.

Once more he wiped something cold over his skin, it stung as he gently cleaned what ever he was
looking at.

“Up. Pants off.”

Namjoon raised his eyebrows.

“Unless you’re bathing in your underwear, pants off.”

He did as he was told. It hit him then, watching Seokjin move with purpose, that Seokjin was going
to be an amazing parent.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

He hummed as he held out his hand for the rest of Namjoon’s clothes, taking them and giving them
a shake, checking the pockets and putting them in the dirty laundry hamper.

“You can get in.”

Namjoon realised he was just standing in the middle of Seokjin’s bathroom totally naked.

“Right.” He dipped his toe in and pulled back.

“Too hot?”

“A little.”

Seokjin ran the cold tap, moving the water around with his hands, bubbles clinging to his forearms.

“Ok. Try now.”

“Are you getting in too?”

Seokjin finally looked bashful. “Do you want me too?”

“Yes.”

Namjoon climbed in, the water was perfect and he couldn’t help sighing as it eased his slightly
achy body.

When he looked up Seokjin was taking off his own trousers. In the bright light he could see the
change in his shape. Seokjin might not be able to see it, but Namjoon could. It stirred that same
something deep in him that compelled him to protect. It was so strong he almost got out and
wrapped him up in a towel to take him back to his nest.

Seokjin must have sensed something as he looked at him briefly before carefully stepping in.

“Come here.”
Seokjin paused in the act of sitting across from him, but Namjoon wanted him against him, needed
to feel his skin against his own. Had to know that Seokjin was going to accept him. He wanted to
be a part of all this. He just didn’t know how to verbalise it properly.

Seokjin turned and sat in front of him, at first he sat forward, clearly not wanting to hurt him further
but Namjoon wanted it, so he slid his wet hand over Seokjin's chest and eased him back against
him.

“Let me take care of you too.” He whispered to him. Leaving a kiss behind Seokjin’s ear.

“But.”

“I told you I’m fine.” He moved his hand down over Seokjin’s stomach.

He still couldn’t get his head around there was a pup in there. Being nurtured by Seokjin’s body.

It was mesmerising.

Seokjin covered his hand with his own.

“I don’t want you to think you have to be here just for him.”

“I’m here because I’m in love with you. Our pup is a bonus.”

Seokjin turned slightly in order to look at Namjoon. "But..."

Namjoon shook his head. “But nothing... I always thought being like Lee Seho was my dream.
Being a best selling author. Having my books turned into movies or TV shows one day. Writing the
screenplays. And I'm so lucky that I'm getting to experience all that. That Mr. Lee wa good enough
to stop by my book launch, that I'm getting all these amazing opportunities. But all that sounds so
plastic now. I hate that you think I would choose all that over you, over all this. I can’t imagine not
having you in my life. When you said you’d met someone… You were right, I was jealous, I was
devastated and I didn’t know why. But now I know it was because you’re everything to me.”

Water sloshed around them as Seokjin turned and looked into his eyes. They were shiny with
unshed tears. One overflowed, rolling down the crease between his nose and cheek. It just made
him even more beautiful.

Namjoon sniffed, his own eyes watering. Although unlike Seokjin, Namjoon was an ugly crier.
“I’m so sorry you didn’t know.”

“You’re acting like I wasn’t the catalyst in all this. I could have just told you the moment I
suspected something, instead I acted like an immature child. I’m sorry I did that.”

“I wish I’d gone with you to Milan.” Namjoon tried to wipe the tear away but only succeeded i
making the whole of Seokjin’s face wet.

He gave a wet laugh “I wish that too.” Seokjin leant in and kissed his lips softly. “I want to show
you something. But first.” His eyes flicked to Namjoon's hair. “I really really need to wash your
hair, it’s kind of making me feel a little sick honestly.”

“Shit. Sorry.”
“It’s ok.”

There was something relaxing and healing about letting Seokjin take care of him. Diligently
shampooing his hair, washing it out with the shower attachment and then sitting there while he
cleaned every limb and finally cleansed his face. Being careful with his chest and back, leaving a
kiss where a particularly nasty scrape was on his shoulder blade.

Seokjin rinsed them both off and wrapped them in his best towels and once they were dry he
applied another plaster to his forehead and then dressed them both in matching pyjamas.

“Are you hungry?” Seokjin asked as they settled in the living room.

“Yeah, I could eat something.”

Seokjin left him in the small living area and retreated to his kitchen.

Namjoon stood at the window and looked at the other high-rises in the complex. It was late, the big
ornate clock on Seokjin’s wall told him it was almost midnight, only a few minutes to go in fact.
The moon drifted in and out of the clouds, a half one. It felt like a good omen.

The pleasant aroma of food enticed him and he wandered into the kitchen.

He always loved watching Seokjin cook. There was something graceful to the way he chopped and
stirred.

“My rut never came, you know.”

“What?” Seokjin didn’t look up from the noodles he stirred.

“I just thought I was stressed, so I went to my GP and he said the same. But he also mentioned
something about pregnancy but I thought nothing of it because why would I? Anyway while I was
doing my own research I read an interesting research paper.”

Seokjin gave an amused huff. “Course you did.”

“Yeah. Well… You know there’s a hormone that’s released by an omega through the scent gland
after the implantation of the blastocyst in the uterine wall occurs that inhibits the production of the
hormones that triggers a rut. Normally a mark is required for this to happen, but this paper talked
about a bunch of cases where unmated long-term couples essentially experienced the same thing.”

Seokjin stopped stirring.

“I just thought it was interesting that it specifically mentioned it only seemed to happen with
couples who had been together for more than ten years and had regular heat rut cycles together…
Again, this was all before I knew, but... It can't be a coincidence that I never got my rut and
you’re…”

“We really are that annoying old married couple that Yoongi keeps calling us.”

Namjoon laughed. “Yeah, I guess so.”

They ate in pleasant silence, tucked up together on the sofa. This wasn’t even unusual, they had
often sat like this, just enjoying each other’s company. How had he missed how coupley all of this
was? How had everyone else seen it but not them? Or maybe they had both been aware on some
primal level.

Seokjin finished first and put his dish on the table.

“I’ll be right back.”

Namjoon assumed he was going to the kitchen but he left the bowl right there, instead heading to
his room. He returned with an unassuming grey toiletry bag.

He handed it to Namjoon. It wasn’t particularly heavy but he could feel there was something in it
that rattled faintly.

Namjoon pulled the zip and looked inside.

“Is that?” He tipped the little sticks out into his lap.

The windows had faded somewhat but he could still see the lines and crosses. “Seokjin.” He said
with an air of awe. “You did these alone?”

Seokjin nodded, biting his manicured thumb nail.

Namjoon put them back in the bag and zipped it back up, putting it reverently on the table.

“I’m sorry.” Seokjin whispered.

“Come here.”

Seokjin crawled over and made himself small in Namjoon’s arms, pressing his nose against
Namjoon’s neck. They stayed like that for a while, once more not speaking. This, this was different,
getting to hold him like this. He could absolutely get used to this, if Seokjin wanted it too of course.

“Can we start from the beginning? Can I take you out on a date.”

Seokjin gave a startled little laugh and pulled away. “A date?”

“Yeah, is that such a bad thing?”

“A little backwards isn’t it?” He smirked, a hand on his belly.

“Maybe, but better late than never.”

Seokjin observed him. “Ok. Let’s try it.”

“Ok.” Namjoon brushed some of the damp frizzy hairs off his face. Feeling the way Seokjin lent
into his touch.

“You know, what you said earlier, about hormones or whatever. It got me thinking. I’ve had terrible
morning sickness.”

“Fuck, are you alright?”

“I’m pretty much over it although some smells still really affect me and stress, today in particular.
But that’s not my point. I noticed something. Your scent, it does something to me. It settles my
stomach. Makes me want to actually eat something. You left your gloves and the second I held
them to my nose…” Seokjin looked away, his embarrassment evident in the flush on his cheeks and
ears. “It went away. For the first time in a week I didn’t feel constantly sick. So I found every item
of clothing you’ve ever left here… Which, by the way, I think you must have more clothing here
than at yours.” He gave his arm a dismissive wave. “Anyway. I nested, which.”

“You don’t normally do.”

“Yeah. And when I felt nauseous I just napped with your things and I was fine.” His blush
deepened and Namjoon felt suddenly very smug.

“I think we’re far more entwined than we even realise.”

Namjoon let out a long breath. “I think maybe you’re right. We’ve been doing this a long time.”

“Who knew that we would be the last to know.”

Namjoon couldn’t help grinning. “Everyone.”

Seokjin returned the smile. “So this date… Where are you taking me?”

“How about a sunset picnic on the river?”

“That sounds perfect.”

Namjoon leant into his space, kissing him slowly. Inhaling his natural scent and that other mystery
one.

Seokjin’s stomach rumbled, he pulled back.

“You can’t still be hungry?”

“It’s not me, well it is. I told you, I’ve had trouble keeping anything down for weeks now.” He
pouted.

“Do you want me to order something?”

“Yeah…” Seokjin blinked his beautiful eyes. “Our grape wants mulhwe.”

“Our grape or you?” Namjoon grinned, but he already had his phone out before he realised it was
broken.

“Mmmmm, both. Wait, what did you do to your phone?” Seokjin gripped his hand.

“The scooter.”

“You poor thing. Here.” He stood up and when he came back he had his own held out.

Without thinking Namjoon inputted the code and started ordering.

Seokjin resumed his place by his side, head resting on his shoulder taking deep breaths. Namjoon
smiled as he realised Seokjin was scenting him.
When he was done placing their order, he placed Seokjin’s phone down and pulled Seokjin closer.
He came more than willingly. Seokjin kissed his jaw, then his neck until his nose was against his
scent gland, and Namjoon found not only did he secretly love this, he would fight anyone who
came between them.

Seokjin had almost dozed off by the time the delivery driver arrived. He carefully extracted himself
to open the door, fighting the urge to stay put when Seokjin whined.

But once the containers were open, Seokjin ate as if he hadn’t for weeks. And Namjoon worried
that he really hadn’t been, he'd seen how slight he was during their bath.

“Hey, slow down. I don’t want you getting sick from overeating.”

Seokjin just huffed and chewed his bulging mouthful a little slower.

“Does this count as our first date?” Namjoon asked, bringing the last of the rubbish to Seokjin in
the kitchen.

“Half a date.”

Namjoon laughed.

Seokjin rinsed off the last dish and placed it on the draining board. Namjoon couldn’t help walking
up behind him and wrapping his arms around him. Hands resting protectively on his stomach. He
pressed his nose to Seokjin's neck, if Seokjin could do it, why couldn’t he?

His scent was much clearer here. Floral and. “Baby powder.”

“What?”

“Baby powder. That’s what you smell like.”

“Oh.”

Namjoon inhaled again, the sweet, slightly floral smell that smelled exactly like the powder
Seokjin’s brother used on his own children. Namjoon had smelt it plenty of times when the two of
them had gone over to eat with them. He closed his eyes and enjoyed it.

“The leaflet said I might get a secondary scent around the twelfth week.”

“Leaflet?”

“Yeah, the clinic gave me a bunch to read on health and development and… Other things.”

“I’d like to read them.”

“You would?”

Namjoon turned him around. “Of course I would. I need to know all the things I can do to help you
and our grape.”
Seokjin snorted. “Ok, we really need a new nickname.”

“I don’t know. I kind of like it.”

Seokjin looked at him seriously. “We're really doing this?”

“We are. Unless you…”

“No, I want to.”

“I do too.”

“I’m so scared.”

And Namjoon could smell it. His scent souring a little.

“I’m not going anywhere. We can take this as slow as you want. It’s not like we’re strangers who
had a one night stand, we have decades of history. I know you Kim Seokjin. And I want to be with
you, if you’ll have me?”

“Of course I’ll have you, you big dumb idiot.” Seokjin looped his arms around Namjoon’s neck and
pressed his lips to his.

“ Your big dumb idiot.”

Seokjin grinned against his lips. “My big dumb idiot.”

It didn't take long to move from chaste to something more. He realised he’d already backed Seokjin
up against the counter, not even a millimetre of space between their bodies.

Namjoon ran his hands down the soft cotton of his pyjamas, undoing each button in turn. He pulled
the shirt open, sliding his hands over his warm skin. Over his chest, making him gasp into his
mouth as his thumbs brushed over his dark nipples. Down over his belly. Gently ghosting the skin
there, not wanting to put any pressure on it.

“Take me to bed.”

“Thought you’d never ask.” Namjoon lifted him effortlessly by his thighs, making Seokjin giggle.
He tried not to think how light Seokjin weighed. They’d have to change that. No more ridiculous
diets. He’d hand feed him if he had too.

It took a little longer to get to Seokjin’s room than he planned, Seokjin was awfully distracting and
walls just kept getting in the way. The urge to just take him right there by the bathroom door was
overwhelming especially with the way Seokjin was gripping his hair desperately as they kissed
again and again.

“Joonie.” Seokjin mumbled.

“Hmmm?”

“Either fuck me here or get moving. Please.”

Namjoon had to stop kissing him in order to laugh. He pulled back. Shit, Seokjin looked so
gorgeous like this, his lips wet and dark red, his cheeks rouged, hair messy.

“Sorry.” He finally walked into Seokjin’s room.

Why did he suddenly feel so nervous? He’d been ready to do it right there in the hall thirty seconds
ago, now as he gently placed Seokjin down, he didn’t know what to do with himself, everything
ground to a halt. They stood looking at each other. And he’d never, in all the times they’d spent
their heats and ruts together felt like this. Butterflies fluttered around his stomach as he tentatively
reached up and slipped the top off Seokjin’s shoulders.

They’d seen each other in every state of undress yet somehow Seokjin had never looked so
beautiful.

He wanted to touch, to kiss. Wanted to keep just looking at him like this.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Seokjin asked softly.

The model who had people look at his body all the time, who undressed backstage with countless
people doing the same was suddenly bashful in front of him. Wrapping his arms around himself, a
pretty flush colouring his skin.

“You’re so beautiful.”

Seokjin’s cheeks darkened, his eyes dropped to the floor, his lips pouted, a smile pulling at the
corners.

“Stop.”

“Never.” Namjoon lifted his chin delicately with a finger. “I’m going to keep telling you that for the
rest of our lives.”

Seokjin finally met his eyes, glossy and radiating emotion.

Namjoon kissed him, soft and closed mouthed. Slow. Nothing like the kisses against the wall.

“You’re still wearing clothes.” Seokjin said against his mouth.

Namjoon grinned. “So I am. Guess you’ll have to remove them for me.”

He felt Seokjin smirk as they kissed.

Seokjin undid the buttons of his shirt excruciatingly slowly.

Worlds apart from their old arrangement where they’d undress themselves separately.

When the last button popped out from the buttonhole, Seokjin ran his hands up his chest, pressing
firmly against his pecs and then he added his lips.

“Fuck.” Namjoon breathed.

His top slid down his arms and onto the floor. Meanwhile Seokjin had moved into his trousers.
Slipping his hands under the elasticated waist, cupping his buttocks, giving them a playful squeeze
before pushing them down his legs.

His own hands were stationary on Seokjin’s waist, almost too afraid to move them, he didn’t want
to break this magic.

He pressed his nose into Seokjin’s neck instead. People didn’t scent each other nowadays, maybe
parents with their pups to settle them, but most adults didn’t see a place for it. Namjoon on the
other hand wanted to drown in Seokjin’s pheromones. They were intoxicating and getting this
much access to his neck without a silicone disc in the way to prevent unwanted mating bites was
something he wasn’t going to pass up. He kissed and licked the skin there. Hearing Seokjin
gasping.

The hands were kneading his bare buttocks moved to his front, gripping his penis with intent,
pumping with the perfect amount of pressure. He moaned into Seokjin's hot skin.

He pressed close, so much skin to explore and Seokjin pressed right back, as if no space between
them was too much. And maybe he was right.

“Joonie.”

“I’m here honey.” The pet name rolled off his tongue too easily, but Seokjin didn’t question it.

“Make love to me.”

“Ok.”

And yet he couldn’t seem to move them to either the bed or Seokjin’s nest, he just couldn’t seem to
pull away.

Seokjin was the one who’s hands stopped roaming his body, Seokjin was the one to take a step
backwards. Namjoon’s body naturally followed him. Whining that Seokjin had increased the
distance.

Seokjin gave a sweet chuckle and pulled him once more flush to him. His safe place. How had
Namjoon never realised that?

All those times when he’d look for Seokjin in a crowd. Wanting him by his side.

Had everyone seen it but them?

“Come on.” He whispered. Once more pulling away, this time turning his back and kneeling in
front of his nest. Namjoon stood close behind him watching him fix the canopy and switch on the
little string of fairy lights.

The warm light of the flower shaped LEDs gave him a golden glow, his skin honeyed and beautiful
and Namjoon felt a compulsion to cover his nakedness. He needed to keep him safe.

Seokjin disappeared inside. His wolf growled at him to follow but he stopped himself.

“You can come in.” Seokjin’s head appeared once more, his cheeks puffing up as he smiled. Then
he ducked back under the pink roof and Namjoon heard him fixing the interior.
This was Seokjin’s sacred space, his nest. Namjoon had already disturbed it once, but this time he
was invited.

He dropped to his knees and crawled in.

He was once more reminded why Omegas did this. It was safe in here, a bubble.

Seokjin huffed, looked a little miffed for a second and crawled out again, Namjoon jerked, wanting
to grab him and stop him leaving but he returned seconds later with the pyjamas Namjoon had
removed.

He watched on amused as Seokjin arranged them around a pillow to one side, nodding in
satisfaction, and suddenly Namjoon had a lapful of Seokjin.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Namjoon shifted to a slightly more comfortable position.

“Ruining the mood.”

“You didn’t.” Namjoon stroked Seokjin’s bare back delicately. Feeling him shiver against him.

“This should feel weird, right?” Seokjin asked, brushing Namjoon's hair back off the plaster, he
traced the edges with his finger.

He shrugged. “Maybe.”

“It doesn’t, right?”

“It doesn’t.” Namjoon looked up at his omega. Normally he hated such archaic sentiments. But
whatever had shifted between them tonight, he felt sure Seokjin wouldn't mind.

Namjoon looked into the face he’d looked at since he was ten years old. If it wasn’t for their
families, they wouldn’t even be here.

Seokjin got more comfortable on his thighs, their arousal was obvious between them.

“This is ok?” Seokjin asked, eyes huge and expressive, fingers combing through Namjoon’s hair.

How many languages could Namjoon use to say yes? He kissed him softly, plump warm lips fitting
perfectly with his own.

“More than ok.”

This was so different to what they were used to.

He knew what Seokjin looked like sans clothes, but this. This was almost overwhelming.

“How do you want to…?”

“Like this.” Seokjin smiled at him and lay down against his carefully organised pillows, opening
his arms for Namjoon to eagerly fall into.

Seokjin laughed as Namjoon held him tightly.

“Like this?” Namjoon asked.

“Yes. I want to be able to kiss you.”

That small of a thing shouldn’t make his brain glitch the way it did, but the simple fact was he still
hadn’t come to terms with the fact he could kiss Seokjin now. All those times they’d helped each
other had been simple exchanges. Kissing was always off limits.

“Joon?”

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing. Let’s not start off hiding things from each other. I almost lost you because I did
that. Hey.” He tugged Namjoon’s face away from his neck by his hair. “Talk to me.”

Namjoon wasn’t sure how to articulate it. “It just feels. I feel a little overwhelmed.”

Seokjin hummed and continued to stroke his head soothingly.

“We can stop.”

“I don’t want to. I mean, if you..”

“I don’t but I need your consent too.”

Namjoon dropped his head again into the comforting crook of Seokjin’s neck.

Seokjin’s hand rested warm and grounding on his back, tracing his muscles, moving over his
shoulder muscles down to his waist.

“I just hate that it took me so long to realise you’re everything I want.”

He felt Seokjin sigh. “I never realised it either. But we’re here now. This is what’s important.
Tonight and tomorrow and the day after... Namjoon.”

He nudged him in order to get him to look at him again.

“I’m so happy right now I feel like I might explode. I get to spend the rest of my life with my best
friend. I know that we have something special, you said it yourself, we have decades of knowing
each other, we have an amazing foundation to build on.”

Namjoon nodded.

“And we’re having a pup…”

The pup. Namjoon sat up once more tangling in the canopy.

“What what?” Seokjin looked panicked for a second. Following him into an upright position and
trying to grab the fabric to prevent it from collapsing a second time.

“Am I hurting him?”

“What?” Seokjin looked confused for half a second then understanding filtered into his features, his
eyes softening and lips curling up into a fond smile. “No. No of course you're not, it’s perfectly
fine” he said in a soft voice, clearly wanting to placate Namjoon.

“Are you sure?” Namjoon placed his hand on Seokjin's stomach.

Seokjin placed his own hand over the top. “Yes, I’m positive.”

"Really?"

"Namjoon." Seokjin rolled his eyes, his face changing once more, this time one of mild
exasperation with the way his eyebrows drew together. "You have to trust me."

Namjoon gasped audibly as he let Seokjin gently but firmly push him down on the bed.

"I do."

"Good." Seokjin straddled him, palms laid flat by his head, leaning over him.

Namjoon could only look up at him in awe.

“If you’re so concerned, then I guess I’ll have to take the initiative.” He smirked and dipped his
head.

Kissing slowly down Namjoon’s chest, sucking on his nipple before moving south, licking at his
belly button and then further.

Licking him from base to tip, bringing him back to full attention.

Namjoon wanted to watch him but all he could seem to do was close his eyes and enjoy Seokjin
taking him into his warm mouth.

Moaning at how attentive he was, gripping the blanket he was lying on and trying to stop his other
hand from grabbing Seokjin by the hair.

Seokjin pulled off. Breathing on his cock, using his tongue to lap at the crown, along the slit while
his fingers wrapped around the base where his knot throbbed, not formed yet but absolutely well on
the way.

Seokjin left a kiss on the tip and kissed his way back up his torso, spending a couple of moments
kissing both nipples before sitting up once more.

“I’m going to ride you now, so if you have any more thoughts.” He said, looking him straight in the
eye.

Namjoon's mind was already blank, having Seokjin’s lips around his penis will do that.

“No. No, by all means.”

Seokjin laughed and kissed his mouth.

Namjoon ignored the taste of himself, even if his dick twitched at it.

Seokjin sat up and once more took hold of him in his slender fingers.

Namjoon had always appreciated the way Seokjin took him without any kind of preparation.
The only other experience he’d had with an omega had been that time at the hotel. And he’d been
way too out of it to notice little details like that, especially blindfolded. But watching Seokjin slide
down effortlessly, letting out a satisfied exhale as he took every inch. He held Seokjin’s waist and
allowed himself to just feel.

He tried not to think too much about Seokjin being made for him. How they just seemed to fit, in
even the most literal of ways. But how could he not think things like that? When he lay there
watching himself disappear inside Seokjin centimetre by centimetre. Seokjin was his person, he
didn't need to overthink it anymore. And then Seokjin started moving he had no more cohesive
thoughts anyway.

He loved watching Seokjin find his pleasure, the way his eyes closed, his mouth opening to let out
moans and expletives. But his favorite was the different versions of his name Seokjin would
mindlessly chant. Namjoon loved the way his back arched when he was close. How his hands
pressed against his chest for support as he moved his hips, thigh muscles flexing, internal muscles
clenching and relaxing as he moved. How he always wanted to Namjoon to be right there with him.

"Are you close Joonie?"

"Yeah." He grunted becasue while Seokjin was loud Namjoon lost all his faculties.

He could feel his knot swelling even as he tried to prolong it, he just couldn’t. He flipped them over
and took over, locking their lips together as Seokjin wrapped his legs around his back.

He'd never admit it to Seokjin, but he'd fantasied about "boring" missionary position many times.
They just didn't do it. And now they could. They could have all the boring missionary sex they
liked, where Namjoon could kiss his mate, his person. Could look into his eyes as moved together.
He could rest his forehead against Seokjin's. Seokjin pulled him down closer and he went more
than willingly wishing they could just merge by osmosis.

Namjoon wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold out but he wanted it to be good for Seokjin.

Seokjin’s hands grabbed his ass, nails digging into the globes clearly trying to push him in deeper.

“Knot me.” He gasped out. Namjoon felt his teeth against his neck and he shivered.

Not now. He told himself as he pushed inside much more forcefully, timing his thrusting perfectly,
making Seokjin cry out as it pushed inside him. His knot fully expanded, thrusts becoming muted
as he came, triggering Seokjin’s climax in the process.

Namjoon could feel every muscle contract and relax around him as Seokjin came. This part wasn't
new, yet somehow it felt different. So he let himself sink into the sensations, made himself stop
thinking for once. Let his mind go blissfully blank as he succumbed to the afterglow, smelling the
combined scent of the two of them as his own sweat dissolved his scent blockers.

Quiet fell over the room, just their breathing and the beat of Seokjin pulse under his ear. He
wondered if Seokjin had fallen asleep, it wouldn't have been the first time. Namjoon raised his head
and looked into warm chocolate eyes watching him. He smiled and Seokjin returned it. His
reddened lips too inviting not to lean down to kiss. So he did, again and again, taking advantage of
this new dynamic. Liking how Seokjin held his cheek so gently, stroking along his jaw with his
thumb.
Everything was hyper focused, as if they were under a microscope. The warmth of Seokjin's skin,
the fluttering of the muscles keeping him inside Seokjin, their breaths, fully in sync, even his own
heartbeat seemed to match Seokjin's beat for beat.

He left kisses over Seokjin's face, his cheeks, nose forehead and then pulled away to see Seokjin's
expression. Joyful, his smile one that suggested giggles and teasing.

Namjoon seemed to lose his breath for a second. Had he ever felt this happy before?"

"What are you thinking about?" Seokjin asked, tilting his head.

“Hmmm." Namjoon said, propping himself up on his elbows. "I was just wondering what happens
after our date? What are we?”

“What do you want us to be?”

What a loaded question that was.

"I want to mark you." He said it with out thinking.

Seokjin looked surprised for a second and then started to laugh. Namjoon closed his eyes at the
sensation down below as he was jostled inside him. Seokjin must have felt it too as the laugh turned
into something else and he closed his eyes, teeth biting at his pretty lips.

"I... Sorry... That wasn't..." Namjoon said, flustered.

“Namjoon...." Seokjin said his name so breathily that Namjoon shivered.

Seokjin was once more looking up at him, fondly this time. His eyes sparkling. "I won’t lie, I want
that too, hell I want the full Monty. Everything and the kitchen sink. But if you need more time,
more dates or whatever, that's ok too. I mean, you can't, you know, till my next heat anyway, which
won't be for a while.” His fingers stroked the back of Namjoon's neck then around to where his
scent gland sat.

"I know, sorry. That was insensitive... But I do too. I want to take you on dates becasue I can, not
becasue I need time. I know how I feel about you. I'm just sorry it took me so long to figure all this
out."

“I don’t think either of us were ready to admit it to ourselves, let alone each other.”

He nodded.

“But not to rush you or anything, but we only have like, six months.” Seokjin smiled broadly, eyes
twinkling like they held the universe in them. Maybe they did, Namjoon thought as they looked at
each other.

Seokjin was watching him intently, analysing him almost. "Are you ok?"

"I'm ok." He reassured him.

Seokjin smiled at him. "Sure?"

"Yeah." Namjoon nodded, not able to look away from him.

Gorgeous. It took his breath away.

“So?” Seokjin coaxed.

Namjoon exhaled. “I want everything too. It might take me time to adjust to our new situation. But
it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be here with you every single day. That I want to come to every
appointment, that I want to take you out on dates and rub your back and your feet… And make love
to you at every opportunity until you’re not comfortable anymore and then I’ll just be right here
supporting you in what ever way you need. Fuck… I want to put a crib together and…”

Seokjin was looking at him with huge eyes brimming with amusement. “No offence, but you’ve
never put together a flat pack in your life, and I’m not sure I trust you with tools anyway.”

Namjoon snorted. “Fine, I’ll pay Yoongi to do it.”

Seokjin laughed. “Oh he’ll love that.” Seokjin stroked his cheek gently. “You really want all that so
suddenly?”

Namjoon sighed but held his gaze stoically. “In ten years there has only ever been you. Did you
know that?”

Seokjin shook his head.

“I didn’t even realise it myself till today. There’s been some flirting, but it never went further than
that and I never stopped to wonder what it was that was stopping me from pursuing anyone.”
Namjoon took Seokjin’s hand and kissed each finger. “I just used to tell myself that my career was
more important, that relationships were pointless and mating was just… Old fashioned.”

“And now?”

“Now? Now I can’t see a future without you in it.”

“I like that future.”

“Me too.”

"I love you."

Seokjin leant up and kissed his lips softly.

"I love you too." Namjoon could definitely get used to this. Get used to Seokjin holding him as the
succumbed to sleep, the soft purrs that emanated from Seokjin that made him feel calm and
content. Get used to calling him his.

⁓⁂⁓

Namjoon presented as an alpha not long after his 14th birthday. It had been the least surprising
revelation to everyone who knew him.
Seokjin was older and had been born with the potential to be either an omega or a beta. Everyone
including himself thought he’d be a beta. He was tall with broad shoulders and while he was
already, even as a teen, handsome he hadn’t fitted the other classic omega traits.

“Sorry to hear you won’t be joining us.”

He was about to grab a strawberry Milkis from the fridge when he heard his mother speaking to
someone at the door.

“I just can’t leave him.”

“Of course.”

He closed the fridge and popped the tab on the can.

“I think he’s more upset than anything. It doesn’t seem to be… Too uncomfortable.”

“That’s good, I remember how stressful it was for me.”

“Absolutely. Anyway, I should…”

“Of course.”

“And… It might be an idea to… Keep an eye on the boys from now on…”

“Oh.”

“Well, I don’t mean… I.. I’m sorry.”

“No, no you have a point, I agree. But it’s a little harsh. They’re so close.”

“I know. I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean… I should go. Enjoy the fireworks.”

“We will.”

The door closed and his mother walked back into the kitchen, she jumped slightly.

“Was that Mrs Kim.”

She sighed. “It was.”

“Is Seokjin…”

“Seokjin presented as an omega.”

Namjoon dropped the can of soda. It glugged out forming a opaque fizzy puddle around his feet.

“And they don’t want me…”

“It’s complicated sweetheart. You know what people are like. Alphas and omegas… It’s not socially
acceptable.”

“He’s my best friend.”

“I know.”

Namjoon wanted to cry.

“His father wants him to go to an all male omega school.”

“No!”

“Namjoon it’s not up to you.”

He didn’t wait to answer, he ran to his room and slammed the door.

He heard the email pop up form his where he lay on his bed.

He rolled off and clicked on it. Waiting for their slow internet to connect.

‘I talked my parents into going to the fireworks later. Can you sneak away?’

Yes, yes he could.

In fact sneaking away from his family and back into the building was really easy.

He hurried up to their floor and the door opposite. He’d already smuggled the spare key that
Seokjin’s family had left with his parents from the little hook in the kitchen cupboard.

He let himself into Seokjin’s apartment. An almost identical layout to his own only mirrored.

Seokjin’s room was divided in two, half his, half his brother’s although when Namjoon walked in
the other bed had been stripped. Probably to give Seokjin some privacy and Seokjin's bed was
neatly made.

So his first thought was that Seokjin wasn't in his room, perhaps he was in his parents? But that
didn't make sense becasue Seokjun would be here. Plus he could smell the delicate enticing floral
scent of newly a presented omega permeating the air. A heady fragrance that made his pulse
quicken, made him gulp and squeeze his eyes close. Causing his own newly present alpha to growl
possessively even though he had no idea why. He wanted to leave and stay, his wolf whined in
indecision as he clutched onto the door frame. His hands had a slight tremble to them, he knew full
well he shouldn't be around an omega during their presentation, even though it was right at the tail
end and he was pretty sure Seokjin would be dosed up to the eyeballs on teen suppressants. He
looked around the dark room, lit periodically by flashes from outside. Only then did Namjoon
notice a dim chink of light under the door of his closet.

“Jinie?”

“In here.” Came the muffled reply.

Namjoon slid open the door and looked at the little haphazard nest Seokjin had built.

“How are you feeling?” He asked. Not really sure what else to say. “I brought you gummies.” He
fumbled in his pocket, almost dropping the goodie bag in his haste to hand them over.
“Thank you.” Seokjin whispered, reaching out with his long slightly crooked fingers.

“I... I really shouldn’t stay long.”

“Yeah." Seokjin burst into tears.

“Please… Please don’t cry."

“I… I’m such… A… failure.”

“What? No, no you’re not, what are you talking about?”

“I’m not… Meant to be…. An omega.” He covered his face.

“What are you talking about…”

“I’d come to terms with being a beta… Being a beta would be great… No expectations…. No
discrimination.”

Namjoon couldn’t take the crying anymore. And he’d never been very good at comforting people,
let alone an hormonal newly presented omega. He dropped to his knees, raising his hand, not really
knowing what to do with it.

Seokjin reached out and took it, slotting their fingers together so easily. Namjoon looked at their
hands clasped together, wondering if Seokjin would let him do this when they were older. He
quickly shut down that train of thought.

“They want to send me to some school.”

“Yeah, mum told me.”

“You know what that means?” Seokjin sniffed and wiped his eyes. "I should have been a beta. They
can't take you away from me if I was."

“They can’t stop us being friends now you're an omega either. I’m not going to let them. I promise.
You'e still just Seokjin, I don't care what you presented as."

Seokjin smiled through his tears, he had no business being that pretty while crying. Namjoon’s
young heart clenched.

“Promise?” He said so quietly Namjoon almost didn’t hear him.

“I promise.” Namjoon held out his pinkie finger and Seokjin linked it, bringing his thumb up to
press against Namjoon's.

⁓⁂⁓
-

August 29th.

🐹
August had been too hot and looking at the forecast, September didn’t look much better. He was
uncomfortable. Carrying around all the extra weight but also a pup that apparently spent all day
everyday using his bladder as a football.

Their watermelon was a grand weight according to their midwife, was developing just as all the
books Namjoon had bought said he was. At his last scan, once Namjoon had pulled himself
together (If Seokjin had also shed a couple of tears he would never admit it and fight anyone who
claimed otherwise), it had finally been confirmed that Seokjin's completely unscientific guess at
sex was correct, they were indeed having a boy. So Namjoon had added baby name books to the
pile. Seokjin had a couple he liked but he was reserving judgement until he met his melon.

"We are not calling him Subag." Namjoon laughed as they lay in bed together.

The last couple of days Namjoon had become extra clingy, hugging and talking to his huge belly at
every opportunity. Refusing to let him do anything, even though he still had a month left.

Namjoon had moved into his apartment in June. It just seemed like the next natural step. They’d
become that annoying couple that couldn’t seem to be apart for two minutes anyway, and Namjoon
all but lived here anyway, so they’d made it official. Although Namjoon still had his Yongsan-dong
apartment to house his collection of artworks. They couldn’t exactly plan for a new pup with
millions of won's worth of art around the place. Trying to puppy proof all that was just impractical.

He didn’t want to dwell on all the time they’d lost trying to just be friends when it was apparently
so obvious to everyone else but them that they were so much more.

Seokjin snuggled into the protective arms surrounding him. They’d started taking an afternoon nap
together at some point around his seventh month when he was suffering with both low blood
pressure and hypoglycaemia and was constantly tired and sometimes dizzy to the point where he’d
spent a night in hospital.
He opened his eyes to a sunbeam dazzling his eyes, he squinted and turned away from it. He’d been
dreaming. Something about golden rain falling on a field of purple flowers, of course it made sense
seeing the bright late august sun shining through a chink in the curtains.

His stomach clenched painfully and he hissed.

It was almost impressive how fast Namjoon was awake and asking if he was ok. Gently touching
his bump, face full of concern.

Seokjin couldn’t help laughing as the cramp subsided to a dull pressure.

“I’m fine, probably shouldn’t have fallen asleep in a weird position.” It was true, he had two
pillows supporting his belly and a whole ass Namjoon curled around him. As nice as it was, he
sometimes woke up a little stiff.

He went about his regular Wednesday afternoon chores, Namjoon should have been working, but
for the last week he’d taken to hovering in the general vicinity instead of in his makeshift office in
what supposed to be the babies room.

Talking of which, Seokjin stood in the doorway and looked at the box that contained the crib and
sighed. It needed putting together. The chest of drawers was missing the drawers and only two
walls were painted.

Seokjin wanted to do it, but he could no longer kneel down for long periods and in fact sitting on
the floor in general was dangerous if he ever wanted to stand up again.

That feeling returned. He clutched onto the doorframe and gritted his teeth till it passed.

He wasn’t concerned, he still had around four weeks to go, his midwife had warned him he’d
probably feel all kinds of aches and pains in the run up and if he was concerned he could always
call her.

Namjoon adopted his current favourite position, chest pressed to Seokjin’s back, nose over his
scent gland, hands cradling his bump.

“Ok?”

Seokjin hummed and rubbed the sore area. “Just a twinge, I think I slept funny.”

“Here?” Namjoon rubbed the spot firmly.

The pressure helped to loosen the muscle. “Yeah, oh that’s nice.”

“Do you need me to call the midwife?”

“No, no it’s fine.”

“Ok.” He kissed Seokjin’s neck. “What're you thinking?”

“That we should hurry up and get this finished.

“We have plenty of time.” Namjoon nuzzled into him.

Those words would come back to haunt them later.

Seokjin woke to the murky light of early morning, the digital clock told him it was 06:01. His
whole body felt wound up like a spring. His back ached, his bump felt hard, the muscles tight and
unyielding.

“Jinie?” Namjoon mumbled, his voice still gravely with sleep.

“Go back to sleep, I’m just using the bathroom.” Seokjin removed the arm over him and heaved
himself to his feet.

By lunch he was concerned.

“What do you want to do?” Namjoon rubbed his back.

“I don’t know, I tried calling but it went to voicemail so she’s probably with someone else.”

“Do you want to go to the hospital?”

Seokjin sighed. “I’ll keep trying her, if it’s no better by dinner then…”

“Ok.” Namjoon kissed his temple.

He was in the shower when his waters broke. A part of him wanted to laugh because at least he
hadn’t ruined the carpet or their bed. But this couldn’t be good.

He continued to clean himself, taking deep breaths to keep calm as every muscle in his lower half
cramped. It took all his strength not to cry out. He turned off the water and stepped out, then
through what he now one hundred percent knew was a contraction, he dried off and put on his
pyjamas and pink robe. He calmly packed a bag of toiletries and another with a few baby things
they’d tentatively put to one side and went into the office slash nursery.

Namjoon leant back in the office chair, he pushed his glasses up his nose to take him in better.

“My waters broke.”

The chair practically flew across the room as Namjoon jumped up and started fretting.

“Ok, ok, so we go and find out what’s going on and…”

“Joon.”

Namjoon stopped.

“He’s coming. I’m having full contractions, they’re light but they’re five minutes apart.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

By the time they made it to the maternity ward Seokjin knew there was no going back.

“8cm.” She took off the gloves and deposited them in the hazardous waste bin. “Not long now.”
“It’s too soon.” Seokjin inhaled the air as another contraction took hold. He squeezed Namjoon’s
hand who was taking it gallantly.

She smiled reassuringly. “We’re more than prepared for every eventuality." She turned on the
screen of the doppler heartbeat monitor once more, the little stickers attached to his stomach sent
what ever they were detecting to it. "Look, his heartbeat is strong and healthy."

Seokjin looked at two lines, his own heartbeat and that of his Pups. It calmed him a little seeing
them so in sync.

"There's really nothing to be worried about, he'll be fine." She left the monitor on and said
something quietly to the other nurse. "I’ll be back soon and then we’ll see about some pushing.”

🐨
Never ever again was he going to let Seokjin go through this. Face red and sweaty, screwed up in
pain as he bore down. From this moment forward he was going to be celibate. Maybe.

Seokjin was clutching his hand so tight he’d lost feeling in his fingers some time ago, yet he didn’t
mind, this was partly his fault after all.

“Do you want to see?” The midwife asked him.

Did he want to see what exactly?

He shuffled as far as he could without letting go of Seokjin’s hand and looked between his knees.

The first thing he saw was blood, blood and other fluids and anxiety flared in him. This was normal
right? Why had no one told him that it would be this messy. He'd somehow imagined a perfect
scenario where they'd arrive, deliver and leave as the perfect trio. But of course it wasn't like that.

When his poor frazzled brain recovered he realised what it was the midwife wanted him to see. The
crown of a small head, black hair plastered to the scalp by god knows what.

“Holy shit… Sorry. Jinie, I can see him.

Seokjin replied with a loud “Aggghhhhh.”

“Come on Seokjin, another push.” Their midwife commanded.

“I can’t.” Seokjin lay back against the raised bed, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

Namjoon's heart couldn't take it. Couldn't stand knowing how much pain he was in, even the grip
on his hand had lessened as if he had nothing left in him. If Namjoon could have swapped places he
would have with out a second thought.

He moved back up to Seokjin's head, brushing the damp hair away from his forehead. “Yes you can
honey, come on, you’ve got this. He’s almost here, one more ok? Then we can meet him. You're so
strong Jinie, I don't know how you're doing it, I'm so so proud of you.” He left a long kiss on his
forehead. "Can you push for me? For him?"

Seokjin nodded. His tired eyes fixed on Namjoon's.

"Ok, let's finally meet him then."

"Ok Seokjin, ready?"

"Yes." His voice was strained but determined as he bored down on her command. Teeth gritted,
stifling the scream he was giving.

Then the head was free, she held it’s neck firm but gently and then the shoulders followed and then
the torso and legs and suddenly the sedate room was all go. Someone was handing over absorbent
pads, someone else was clamping the cord. Namjoon was handed strange looking scissors and
being directed. It was tought but the cord was finally cut and his pup was being whisked to another
table.

“It’s alright, we just have to check him over, it's perfectly normal.” A nurse reassured them.

“Joon?” He didn’t like the scared note to Seokjin’s voice.

“I’m here honey, right here. It’s ok, they’re just doing their jobs.” He was so torn, wanting to follow
the nurses but also to reassure his distressed mate.

“He’s not crying, why is he not crying?” Seokjin was crying, trying to sit up while another nurse
was trying to get him to stay still so she could examine him.

He held Seokjin's hand to his lips and kissed it, trying to be strong for him.

“Can someone please tell us something?” He said to the room at large.

And then he heard it, the tiny sound of a baby crying, weak and gurgling, but getting stronger.

The midwife came back carrying a bundle of gory towels.

“Here.” She helped Seokjin out of his hospital gown and placed the tiny infant on his chest.

Namjoon’s knees gave way, luckily locating one of the chairs.

Seokjin’s cries had turned to laughter as he looked down at the pup. He was flushed so red he was
almost purple, little patches of his skin stained and moist with bodily fluids that Seokjin gently
wiped away with the wipes the nurse handed him.

And he was perfect. From his nails to his delicate long eyelashes to his thick hair. His little
scrunched up face relaxed as Seokjin kissed every feature.

“Hi my little shine muscat.”

Namjoon laughed. More from relief than anything.

He leant forward and let a small hand that had escaped it's swaddled restraints grab his finger.

“He’s so perfect.” He said quietly as the pup quieted.

“If you like, you can try feeding him.”

And Namjoon watched on in awe as his future mate attempted to feed their baby for the first time.

It wasn’t fully successful. Seokjin winced as he latched on briefly.

“You’ll get the hang of it, and even if you don’t, there’s no shame in using a bottle.”

Namjoon stroked his pup's head lightly.

“Do you have a name? It’s for his tag.”

“Jungkook.” Seokjin said without looking up.

She nodded and left them alone once more.

“He’s so beautiful.”

“Takes after you.” Namjoon kissed the top of Seokjin’s head.

“Hmmmm. I think he’s a good mix of both of us.” Seokjin finally looked up at him. “I love you.”

“I love you too. More than you’ll ever know. I’m so proud of you.”

Seokjin smiled happily but clearly exhausted as he went back to watching their pup, not even
flinching as the nurse went about helping him deliver the placenta.

As they watched him his tiny eyelids closed and he fell asleep in his dams arms. Seokjin let out a
contented purr, soothing his pup in his sleep. Namjoon had never felt emotions like it before, his
heart seemed to swell watching the man he loved and his baby. A tear dripped from the corner of
his eye.

"Joonie." Seokjin whispered and raised his hand to press against his cheek.

"I'm ok, I promise. I'm just.... We made him."

"We did, didn't we." Seokjin smiled beautifully down at their sleeping infant and then back up at
Namjoon. "Good job Papa."

Namjoon chuckled quietly, careful not to disturb their sleeping babe. "You did all the work. I feel
like you should get all of the praise."

"That's ok." Seokjin stroked Jungkook's chubby cheek. "You can do the first nappy change. I've
heard it's the worst." He grinned.

"That's fair, it's what I deserve."

"I just pushed a watermelon through a keyhole, we haven't even started on what you deserve have
we puppy."

Namjoon snorted which made Jungkook grumble.

"Shhhh, it's ok. Maybe Papa should hold you?" Seokjin looked up at him.

He gulped. This was different from the times he'd held Seokjin's nephews. This was his baby.

"Namjoon?"

"What if I drop him?"

"You won't, we trust you. I trust you. And your son wants to meet you. Come on."

Namjoon looked around the room, there were still two members of staff with them, filling out paper
work and cleaning. He looked back to Seokjin.

"Let me help." The midwife was suddenly by his side. "You know, we like to encourage skin on
skin contact with sires. It helps with bonding, getting pup used to your scent quicker." She was
already helping Seokjin remove the soiled blanket from around Jungkook. "You can help put a
diaper on him too." She encouraged. "While your mate is cleaned up and moved back to his room."

"I have to?..." He pulled at his shirt.

"Yes." She smiled at him. "I'll turn around if it helps."

Seokjin chuckled.

"Ok." He undid the buttons and then Seokjin was carefully passing over their tiny baby to him.
Cool skin against his own.

Namjoon looked down at him, he looked back, eyes a little crossed, clearly not able to focus
properly yet. He was even smaller than Seokjin's nephews had been, he weighed nothing. He felt
suddenly terrified. They were now responsible for this human. What if he fucked up?

Seokjin laid a hand on his arm as he gingerly sat on the edge of the cot. He smiled, his thumb
stroking Namjoon's wrist.

"I know what you're thinking. We're going to be ok. All we can do is our best."

"I know you're right, but...."

"No buts, I'm always right." He winced as he got to his feet and helped into a wheelchair. The way
Seokjin was looking at him made his heart flutter.

Even though they didn't wear each other's marks yet, he could still feel Seokjin's love for him. For
them.

"I know you are. I'm just scared."

"So am I. I'm terrified that I have no idea what I'm doing. I mean, we don't even have his room
ready becasue we thought we had more time. But that's parenting isn't it? It's unpredictable."
Seokjin put his hand over Namjoon's holding Jungkook. "But we've always made a great team. I
know we'll figure it out."

Namjoon nodded, not trusting himself to speak as he tried to corral his emotions again.

"I'll look after him for you." The nurse told Namjoon as she wheeled Seokjin out of the room.

Namjoon stood slowly and carefully and followed the midwife over to the examination table where
he was given a crash course in fitting a diaper.

"He's a good weight despite coming early." The nurse informed him as she fitted a medical tag to
his tiny ankle.

"Is he alright? There's nothing wrong with him becasue of it?"

"His blood oxygen is fine, he's breathing ok and everything is where it's meant to be." She smiled.
"But we'll know more once the doctor takes a look at him. But his responses look good." She
handed him one of the little mittens Namjoon's mother had insisted on knitting.

Namjoon looked at his tiny fists, trying to figure out how to possibly get them into the gloves. But
she was there to help and once his hands were covered, he put the little hat on his head and then he
was once more swaddled.

"We can take baby back to his dam now."

Once they were in Seokjin's private room they finally got a moment to be alone with out any
members of staff. Jungkook's little incubator cot sat at the end of Seokjin's bed, he was once more
sleeping peacefully.

"You should sleep too." Namjoon sat next to Seokjin on the bed.

"I know, but..."

"No buts." He pulled him close, kissing his temple. "I'm not going anywhere, if he needs anything...
Well, anything other than, you know, that."

Seokjin sniggered.

"I'll wake you."

"Ok." Seokjin pulled back to look at him.

His hair was a mess, sticking up in places, his face was pale, the bags under his eyes hinting at how
long he'd been awake for. And yet he'd never seen anyone more beautiful in his life.

"What?" He asked, a little frown line appearing.

"Nothing. I just can't believe you're mine."

"Yeah, took you long enough."

"And I'll never stop apologising for it."

Seokjin kissed his lips. Soft and gentle and full of love. "There's nothing to apologise for, we were
both idiots, as our friends take great pleasure in telling us, but now we're a proper family and I
wouldn't have it any other way."

"Neither would I." Namjoon returned the kiss.

📰
The last time I had the opportunity to interview the charismatic author he was living the high life as
an eligible yet unattainable bachelor.

His apartment was more akin to an art gallery than a house. Nowadays he’s swapped Moon jars for
building blocks and paintings for pictures drawn by his three children. A small selection are stuck
to his massive fridge with cute magnets with a few more prized ones are hung on the walls as if
they were worth millions of won, and perhaps these days to Namjoon they are.

The first thing I notice when I'm invited into his home is the busy yet tidy selection of shoes in the
entry way. Gone are the days of kicking off his shoes willy nilly.

His Husband, former model Kim Seokjin is quick to greet me with a nice new pair of house
slippers, not even out of the bag.

A little face peers from behind his legs, she smiles at me before running back to her brothers
giggling.

“It’s kind of a mad house.” Namjoon laughs as he shows me into a small office.

There are still curated pieces of art of course, but most of the wall space is now filled with family
photos.

A wedding portrait hangs pride of place on one wall opposite a stunning panoramic window. On his
desk sits multiple snapshots, a photo of his beautiful mate with their first born and next to that with
their twins and next to that a family photo of the grandparents with their grandchildren. There's also
three sets of tiny hand and footprints preserved in blue and pink clay right next to his computer
monitor.

Even in the solitude of the office with the door closed, there are signs that this isn't the same man
from six years ago. I can hear giggles coming from a different room. It’s quite the departure from
our last interview where the ticking of the clock on the wall and the hum of the humidifier were the
only sounds when the conversation stopped.

Something else that's changed since the last time is the fact Kim Namjoon is now quite the
household name. Winning an Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay for ‘Yun’, a biopic of
the alpha painter Yun Hyong-keun; will have that effect.

“My husband likes to show it off.” He says. "I'd be embarrassed if he wasn't so endearing."

It’s true, the second thing Seokjin-ssi asked me when he welcomed me into their home was had I
seen the statue yet?

I'll admit, it's quite the impressive little thing, the Oscar statuette is made of eight and a half pounds
of solid bronze but it's covered in 24 karat gold and cleary well polished.

It’s obvious how proud Seokjin is of his husband as he takes me to the shelf in their living room.
Next to children's books and cuddly toys it sits pride of place on a shelf between their TV and a
photo of their eldest's fifth birthday party.

Three little cuties sit glued to a cartoon. Their oldest looks up at me with the biggest eyes I’ve ever
seen.

The resemblance to his mother is uncanny.

“This is Jungkook.” Namjoon introduces us.

He’s clearly shy, but with some encouragement he offers his tiny hand to shake.

“And our youngest two, Soobin and our daughter Soojin.”

They, unlike their older brother, don't look away from the multicoloured dinosaurs on the screen.

Once introductions are out of the way, we retire back in Namjoon’s office with snacks and drinks
provided by a very enthusiastic Seokjin.

“Seokjin’s one of the best cooks I know.”

You'd expect a little exaggeration about his spouses abilities but I can confirm that Namjoon’s isn’t
lying. Seokjin-ssi's homemade hotteoks that Jungkook helped to make, are particularly good.

We get down to business. The main order of the day is his latest release. ‘Closer’, a book Namjoon
has himself said is semi autobiographical.

“A few years back, I was in a very dark place. I tried to be someone I wasn’t. Then I realised I had
someone in my life who showed me I didn’t need to be that person.”

“So it’s safe to say your protagonist’s love interest is based on Seokjin?”

The smile Namjoon gives me tells me everything I need to know.

“And the main character?”

Once more Namjoon just smiles. “Like I say in the preface, sometimes you can go your whole life
looking for something only to find it was right in front of you the whole time.” He looks at the
framed family photos on the desk. “I never thought I would find happiness being tied to a person.
Like Choi Janglee, my main character. It’s a personal story of discovery.”

“And any resemblance to yourself?”

“Purely coincidental. But they do say you should write what you know.” He gives me a knowing
smirk.

“Papa.” The small voice of his daughter says as she heaves open the door.

His face softens, as he opens his arms to scoop up the tiny two year old.

"Hi angel." He kisses her cheek as she wraps her arms around his neck, snuggling against him.
"Where's Daddy?"

"Playing hide and seek."

"Ahhh." Namjoon laughs, rocking her slightly. "I don't think this is hiding, do you?"

"It is."

The door slowly opens again, this time Seokjin's face appears, he laughs.

"Found you."

She squeals with laughter, trying to burrow further into her Dad's neck.

"Sorry." Seokjin whispers as he approaches.

"It's fine." I reassure him.

And it is, it's nice to see this side of someone who has for the most part kept himself out of the
limelight, especially since Seokjin retired from modelling and started up his own company as a
subsidiary under KYM.

Seokjin retrieves their youngest from her father, the adoration on Namjoon's face is palpable as
they pass over the baby with a trade of a loving kiss.

Seokjin then gives me a small bow and once again leaves us again giggling with their daughter.

“I don’t know where I’d be if it wasn’t for my family.” His gaze is fixed on the closed door. “I
always thought I was one of those people who were happy with remaining single I really did.
There’s nothing wrong with living alone, I admire those people who can be with themselves. But I
just hadn’t realised that I was never alone to begin with.” He smiles fondly. “My best friend was
there all along.”
End Notes

for me 🤭
Thanks for reading. I have no idea if Seokjin will already be back when you see this, it's still April

I really just wanted to get this out of the way becasue I kept going back and adding stuff and that's
when I tend to start overthinking my work and getting really self conscious about it.

I was trying to think how my universe works and I couldn't find a definitive answer so here's a little
insight into how mine works.

Both M and F Alphas and Omegas are born with both sets of reproductive organs.
At birth Females with male parts can only be Alphas. They do not ovulate and cannot get pregnant,
some even decide to get hysterectomy's. They are still XX, so are female.
Males born with both sets of organs can be either Omegas or Betas when they present.
If they present as an omega they can still become erect and ejaculate but their sperm count is
almost zero. Getting another omega pregnant is almost impossible. They are still XY males.
The a/b/o chromosomes are not interlinked with their sex. (can you tell I studied biology? This is
why I have refrained from thinking too hard about this genre).

I don't know if it comes across but I kind of insinuate that Seokjin was in fact going to present as a
beta, but Namjoon presenting first may or may not have had an effect on his hormones.... Make of
that what you will.

I had a whole scrapped story line where Namjoon was seriously injured and in hospital, but I
changed my mind. I did like the scooter incident though, so I kept that part, I just made it far less
serious.

I'm sorry for saving the Jungkook reveal till the very end. He was always going to be their baby.

was just 👩🍳💋 ), Hope on the street and RM 'Right Place, Wrong Person'
though it's not out yet in the past ) - Future me here, it's a master piece!
📢📣🔥
Anyway, don't forget to keep streaming Fri(end)s by Taehyung (the stories namesake, becasue it

🤭 (Even

Also I hope this doesn't come across in the wrong way. I myself am very happily single. I have no
interest in marriage and it's too late for me to have children, so please don't take this as me saying
the only way you can be happy is to be married/have kids. It really isn't.
This plot is more of a potential soulmate story I guess, they were just destined to be together.

🤭
Lastly apologies to any Italians reading, even with Italian family members I'm not in anyway shape
or form fluent, I used an Italian phrase book I found in the loft from like 1980

Thank you for reading

Saturday, April 27th.
💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

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