PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT (4TH QUARTER)

TYPES OF RESPONSES
Passive response: Behaving passively means not expressing your own needs and feelings, or
expressing them so weakly that they will not be addressed.
Example: If Geneva behaves passively, by standing in line and not saying anything, she will
probably feel angry with the girls and herself. If the ticket office runs out of tickets before she
gets to the head of the line, she will be furious and might blow up at the girls after it's too late to
change the situation.

A passive response is not usually in your best interest, because it allows other people to violate
your rights. Yet there are times when being passive is the most appropriate response. It is
important to assess whether a situation is dangerous and choose the response most likely to
keep you safe.

Aggressive response: Behaving aggressively is asking for what you want or saying how you
feel in a threatening, sarcastic or humiliating way that may offend the other person(s).
Example: If Geneva calls the girls names or threatens them, she may feel strong for a moment,
but there is no guarantee she will get the girls to leave. More importantly, the girls and their
friend may also respond aggressively, through a verbal or physical attack on Geneva.

An aggressive response is never in your best interest, because it almost always leads to
increased conflict.

Assertive response: Behaving assertively means asking for what you want or saying how you
feel in an honest and respectful way that does not infringe on another person's rights or put the
individual down.
Example: If Geneva tells the girls they need to go to the end of the line because other people
have been waiting, she will not put the girls down, but merely state the facts of the situation. She
can feel proud for standing up for her rights. At the same time, she will probably be supported in
her statement by other people in the line. While there is a good chance the girls will feel
embarrassed and move, there is also the chance that they will ignore Geneva and her needs
will not be met.

An assertive response is almost always in your best interest, since it is your best chance of
getting what you want without offending the other person(s). At times, however, being assertive
can be inappropriate. If tempers are high, if people have been using alcohol or other drugs, if
people have weapons or if you are in an unsafe place, being assertive may not be the safest
choice.

BUILDING AND MAINTAINING RELATIONSHIP

What do we mean by personal relationships?

The concept of relationship is very broad and complex. In our model, personal relationships
refer to close connections between people, formed by emotional bonds and interactions. These
bonds often grow from and are strengthened by mutual experiences.
Relationships are not static; they are continually evolving, and to fully enjoy and benefit from
them we need skills, information, inspiration, practice, and social support. In our model there are
three kinds of personal relationships:

Family
The concept of "family" is an essential component in any discussion of relationships, but this
varies greatly from person to person. The Bureau of the Census defines a family as "two or
more persons who are related by birth, marriage, or adoption and who live together as one
household." But many people have family they don't live with or to whom they are not bonded by
love, and the roles of family vary across cultures as well as throughout your own lifetime. Some
typical characteristics of a family are support, mutual trust, regular interactions, shared beliefs
and values, security, and a sense of community. Although the concept of 'family" is one of the
oldest in human nature, its definition has evolved considerably in the past three decades.
Non-traditional family structures and roles can provide as much comfort and support as
traditional forms.

Friends
A friendship can be thought of as a close tie between two people that is often built upon mutual
experiences, shared interests, proximity, and emotional bonding. Friends are able to turn to
each other in times of need. Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler, social- network researchers
and authors of the book Connected, find that the average person has about six close ties
though some have more, and many have only one or none. Note that online friends don't count
toward close ties-research indicates that a large online network isn't nearly as powerful as
having a few close, real-life friends.

Partnerships
Romantic partnerships, including marriage, are close relationships formed between two people
that are built upon affection, trust, intimacy, and romantic love. We usually experience this kind
of relationship with only one person at a time. Reading:

A RESEARCH STUDY ON RELATIONSHIPS

A sample of 1,110 adolescents assessed nine aspects of their relationships with their mother,
their father, their best same-sex friend, their most important sibling, and their most important
teacher. These aspects were admiration, affection, companionship, conflict, instrumental aid,
intimacy, nurturance, reliable alliance, and satisfaction with the relationship. Early adolescents
(11 through 13 years of age) gave higher ratings than did middle (14 through 16years of age)
and late (17 through 19 years of age) adolescents for all relationships on most attributes. Except
for intimacy and nurturance, middle adolescents' ratings were higher than those of late
adolescents but only for some relationships. The observed trends are interpreted with respect to
several social, social cognitive, and cognitive changes taking place over the span of
adolescence.

WHY PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS ARE IMPORTANT

Healthy relationships are a vital component of health and wellbeing. There is compelling
evidence that strong relationships contribute to a long, healthy, and happy life. Conversely, the
health risks from being alone or isolated in one's life are comparable to the risks associated with
cigarette smoking, blood pressure, and obesity. Research shows that healthy relationships can
help you:

Live longer.
A review of 148 studies found that people with strong social relationships are 50% less likely to
die prematurely. Similarly, Dan Buettner's Blue Zones research calculates that committing to a
life partner can add 3 years to life expectancy (Researchers Nicholas Christakis and James
Fowler have found that men's life expectancy benefits from marriage more than women's do.)

Deal with stress.

The support offered by a caring friend can provide a buffer against the effects of stress. In a
study of over 100 people, researchers found that people who completed a stressful task
experienced a faster recovery when they were reminded of people with whom they had strong
relationships. (Those who were reminded of stressful relationships, on the other hand,
experienced even more stress and higher blood pressure.)

Be healthier.
According to research by psychologist Sheldon Cohen, college. students who reported having
strong relationships were half as likely to catch a common cold when exposed to the virus. In
addition, 2012 international Gallup poll found that people who feel they have friends and family
to count on are generally more satisfied with their personal health than people who feel isolated.
And hanging out with healthy people increases your own likelihood of health-in their book
Connected, Christakis and Fowler show that non-obese people are more likely to have
non-obese friends because healthy habits spread through our social networks.
Feel richer.
A survey by the National Bureau of Economic Research of 5,000 people found that doubling
your group of friends has the same effect on your wellbeing as a 50% increase in income!

On the other hand, low social support is linked to several health consequences, such as:
• Depression.
Loneliness has long been commonly associated with depression, and now research is backing
this correlation up: a 2012 study of breast cancer patients found that those with fewer satisfying
social connections experienced higher levels of depression, pain, and fatigue.

•Decreased immune function.

The authors of the same study also found a correlation between loneliness and immune system
dysregulation, meaning that a lack of social connections can increase your chances of
becoming sick.

• Higher blood pressure.

University of Chicago researchers who studied a group of 229 adults over five years found that
loneliness could predict higher blood pressure even years later, indicating that the effects of
isolation have long lasting consequences. According to psychiatrists Jacqueline Olds and
Richard Schwartz, social alienation is an inevitable result of contemporary society's
preoccupation with materialism and frantic "busy-ness. Their decades of research support the
idea that a lack of relationships can cause multiple problems with physical, emotional, and
spiritual health. The research is clear and devastating: Isolation is fatal.

25 MOST COMMON RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS

Here is the list of the most common relationship problems most often encountered by couples.
1. Affairs/ infidelity / cheating. This includes emotional infidelity, one-night stands, internet
relationships (including 'sexting'), long- and short-term affairs and financial infidelity.

2. Sexual Issues, particularly loss of libido and including questions around your gender, or your
partner's gender

3. Significant differences in core values and beliefs

4. Life stages you have 'outgrown' each other or have 'changed' significantly for whatever
reason

5. Traumatic and/or Life Changing Events

6. Responses to prolonged periods of Stress, such as Work-Related Stress, long-term illness,

mental health issues, Financial Problems, problems with the children, infertility, and many more

7. Bored in or with Your Relationship

8. Dealing with a jealous partner

9. Having blended' family issues

10. Domestic violence, which includes verbal as well as physical abuse: THE most serious
relationship problem.

11. Knowing you should not have got married in the first place!

12. Lack of responsibility regarding finances, children, health and many other issues.

13. Unrealistic Expectations- still thinking your partner / spouse is the princess / knight and not
seeing the 'real' human being
14. Addictions substance abuse

15. Excessive reliance on social media, at the cost of the relationship

16. Lack of support during particularly difficult times from people that matter to you

17. Manipulation or over-involvement in your relationships with family or friends

18. Lack of communication about important matters

19. Poor division of and/or one-sided lack of responsibility for chores and tasks. It is not always
women who complain about this relationship problem!

20. Perceived lack of concern, care and consideration / attentiveness: feeling the relationship is
one-sided is a big one!

21. Significant personal disappointments and traumas that lead to a change in relationship
dynamics

22. Long term depression or other mental health issues suffered by one partner or both

23. Significant differences in opinion on how to discipline / deal with the children

24. Long-term stress, particularly when not taking responsibility for doing something positive to
address the cause, or about learning to handle it if it cannot be changed

25. An unsupportive partner during pregnancy and/or significant problems after the birth of your
baby.

NURTURE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

Connect with your family.

One of the biggest challenges for families to stay connected is the busy pace of life. But Blue
Zones research states that the healthiest, longest-living people in the world all have something
in common: they put their families first. Family support can provide comfort, support, and even
influence better health outcomes while you are sick. Relationships and family author Mimi Doe
recommends connecting with family by letting little grievances go, spending time together, and
expressing love and compassion to one another. Of course, the same practices apply to close
friends as well. This is especially important if you don't have living family, or have experienced
difficult circumstances, such as abuse, that would make it difficult for you to connect with your
relatives.

Practice gratitude.
Gratitude is one of the most accessible positive emotions, and its effects can strengthen
friendships and intimate relationships. One 2010 study found that expressing. gratitude toward a
partner can strengthen the relationship, and this positive boost is felt by both parties the one
who expresses gratitude and the one who receives it. Remembering to say "thank you" when a
friend listens or your spouse brings you a cup of coffee can set off an upward spiral of trust,
closeness, and affection.

Learn to forgive.
It's normal for disagreements or betrayal to arise in relationships, but your choice about how to
handle the hurt can have a powerful effect on the healing process. Choosing to forgive can bring
about a variety of benefits, both physical and emotional. Fred Luskin, head of the Stanford
Forgiveness Project, says it's easier to let go of the anger or hurt. feelings associated with a
circumstance if you remind yourself that much of your distress is really coming from the
thoughts and feelings you are having right now while remembering the event not the event itself.
Don't be afraid to clearly articulate why you are upset, but once the other party has listened, be
willing to lay down your anger and move on.
Be compassionate.
Compassion is the willingness to be open to yourself and others, even in painful times, with a
gentle, nonjudgmental attitude. When you feel compassionate toward another person-whether a
romantic partner, friend, relative, or colleague you open the gates for better communication and
a stronger bond. This doesn't mean taking on the suffering of others or absorbing their
emotions. Rather, compassion is the practice of recognizing when someone else is unhappy or
whose needs aren't being met and feeling motivated to help them. We are an imitative species:
when compassion is shown to us, we return it.

Accept others.
It is also important to be accepting of the other person in the relationship. Obviously, this does
not apply in situations of abuse or unhealthy control, where you need foremost to protect
yourself. But otherwise, try to understand where the person is coming from rather than judge
them. As you do for yourself, have a realistic acceptance of the other's strengths and
weaknesses, and remember that change occurs over time.

Create rituals together.

With busy schedules and the presence of online social media that offer the façade of real
contact, it's very easy to drift from friends. To nurture the closeness and support of friendships,
you must make an effort to connect. Gallup researcher Tom Rath has found that people who
deliberately make time for gatherings or trips enjoy stronger relationships and more positive
energy. An easy way to do this is to create a standing ritual that you can share and that doesn't
create more stress-talking on the telephone on Fridays, for example, or sharing a walk during
lunch breaks, are ways to keep in contact with the ones you care about the most.

Spend the right amount of time together.

Gallup researchers Jim Harter and Raksha Arora found that people who spend 6-7 hours per
day socializing (which could mean hanging out with friends, sharing meals with family, or even
emailing a colleague) tend to be the happiest. In contrast, those who have zero interactions (or
an exhausting overload of social time) feel more stressed. Knowing when to give your time to
others and when to take some time for yourself can be crucial in maintaining balanced, healthy
relationships as well as emotional well-being.

TEN RULES FOR FINDING LOVE AND CREATING LONG LASTING AUTHENTIC
RELATIONSHIPS
1. YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF FIRST Your relationship with yourself is the central template
from which all others are formed. Loving yourself is a prerequisite to creating a successful and
authentic union with another.

2. PARTNERING IS A CHOICE MUST NURTURE THE RELATIONSHIP FOR IT TO THRIVE

The choice to be in a relationship is up to you. You could attract your beloved and cause the
relationship you desire to happen.

3. CREATING LOVE IS A PROCESS Moving from "I" to "we" requires a shift in perspective and
energy. Being an authentic couple is an evolution.

4. RELATIONSHIPS PROVIDE OPPORTUNITIES TO GROW Your relationship will serve as an

unofficial "life shop" in which you will learn about yourself and how you can grow on your
personal path.

5. COMMUNICATION IS ESSENTIAL The open exchange of thoughts and feelings is the

lifeblood of your relationship.

6. NEGOTIATION WILL BE REQUIRED There will be times when you and your partner must
work through impasses. If you do this consciously and with respect, you will learn to create
win-win outcomes.
7. YOUR RELATIONSHIP WILL BE CHALLENGED BY CHANGE Life will present turns in the
road. How you maneuver those twists and turns determines the success of your relationship.

8. YOU MUST NURTURE THE RELATIONSHIP FOR IT TO THRIVE Treasure your beloved
and your relationship will flourish.

9. RENEWAL IS THE KEY TO LONGEVITY Happily ever after means the ability to keep the
relationship fresh and vital.

10. YOU WILL FORGET ALL THIS THE MOMENT YOU FALL IN LOVE You know all these
rules inherently. The challenge is to remember them when you fall under the enchanting spell of
love.

KEEPING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

Good relationships are fun and make you feel good about yourself. The relationships that you
make in your youth years will be a special part of your life and will teach you some of the most
important lessons about who you are. Truly good relationships take time and energy to develop.
All relationships should be based on respect and honesty, and this is especially important when
you decide to date someone. In a healthy relationship, both partners:
•Are treated with kindness and respect.
• Are honest with each other Like to spend time together
• Take an interest in things that are important to each other.
• Respect one another's emotional, physical, and sexual limits.
• Can speak honestly about their feelings.

Love should never hurt

Dating relationships can be wonderful! But while it's important that dating partners. care for each
other, it's just as important that you take care of yourself! About 10% of high school students say
they have suffered violence from someone they date. This includes physical abuse where
someone causes physical pain or injury to another person. This can involve hitting, slapping, or
kicking.

Sexual abuse is also a type of violence, and involves any kind of unwanted sexual advance. It
can include everything from unwelcome sexual comments to kissing to intercourse. But abuse
doesn't always mean that someone hits or hurts your body. Emotional abuse is anything that
harms your self-esteem or causes shame. This includes saying things that hurt your feelings,
make you feel that you aren't worthwhile, or trying to control who you see or where you go.
Remember, you deserve healthy, happy relationships. Abuse of any type is never okay.

ABUSE AND ASSAULT

Love should never hurt. But sometimes it does:
•1 in 6 women and 1 in 33 men will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime
• 1.5 million women are sexually assaulted or otherwise physically abused by their partners
each year.
• Over 800,000 males are sexually or physically abused by partners.
• Abuse can occur in any type of relationship-gay and straight, casual and long- term, young and
old.
• About 10% of high school students say that they have suffered violence from someone they
date.

If you are or have been in a relationship where you were mistreated, it's very easy to blame
yourself. The problem is with the abuser, though, not you. It's not your fault! Anyone can be
abused boys and girls, men, and women, gay or straight, young and old - and anyone can
become an abuser.

Break The Silence: Stop The Violence

It may shock you to know that one out of every eleven teens reports being hit or physically hurt
by a boyfriend or girlfriend in the past twelve months. But why is that, and how can we change
it? In "Break The Silence: Stop the Violence," parents talk with teens about developing healthy,
respectful relationships before they start dating.

HOW TO COMMUNICATE
Talking openly makes relationships more fun and satisfying; especially when you both talk about
each other's needs for physical, emotional, mental, and sexual health. You can't expect a
partner to know what you want and need unless you tell them. The simple. fact is that none of
us are a mind reader-so it's important to be open about your needs. and expectations.

In a romantic relationship, it is important to communicate openly on issues of sex and sexual

health. The decision to enter a sexual relationship is entirely up to you, and you always have the
right to say "no" at any time to anything that you don't feel comfortable with. Remember, there
are many ways to express love without sex. If you do decide to become sexually active, there
are things about which you do need to communicate.

Though talking about sex can feel a little scary, many people find that when they get up the
nerve to talk about sex, their partner really appreciates it. Most likely they've been trying to work
up the nerve, too! Many respect a partner even more once they've brought up the topic of sex. It
is ok to be nervous-that lets you know that what you are doing is both important to you and
exciting.

Remember though: it is a good idea to talk about any sexual subject before you get all hot and
bothered, but this is especially important for topics which require logical thinking skills, like safer
sex expectations. Most of us don't act rationally in the heat of the moment. Think about your
boundaries ahead of time and discuss them with a partner. when you are not currently in a
sexual mood. If you are turned on, you are less likely to make the decision to use a condom or
another barrier if your partner has a different agenda. Having the conversation before you are in
a sexual situation makes it more likely you will be able to act according to your own boundaries
and preferences.

So, what's to talk about?

•Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs): This is an issue that all teenagers and adults must be
aware of. Anybody who engages in sexual activity is prone to have this one..
• Possibility of Pregnancy: Females who engage in sex have a high percentage of putting
themselves in this kind of situation.
• Right time for sex: You can consider your status as a student if it is really high time to be
involved in this kind of activity. Will this make or break your future?
• Boundaries: Making the decision to set your limits in a relationship shows your maturity to
assert your priorities and respecting yourself.

MAKING THE DECISION: DECIDING WHETHER OR NOT TO HAVE SEX

The decision of whether or not to have sex is up to you, and you alone. Therefore, don't be
afraid to say "no" if that's how you feel.

Having sex for the first time can be a huge emotional event. There are many questions and
feelings that you may want to sort out before you get "in the heat of the moment."

Ask yourself:
• Am I ready to have sex? How am I going to feel after I have sex? Am I doing this for the right
reasons? How do I plan to protect myself/my partner from sexually transmitted infections. or
pregnancy? How am I going to feel about my partner afterwards?

The best way to prepare for the decision to have sex is to become comfortable with
communicating about your needs. If you don't feel right about something, say so! Anyone. who
challenges your choices about whether to have sex is not giving you the respect that you
deserve. Pay attention to your feelings, and don't let anyone make you feel guilty for making
decisions that are right for you.
There are countless nonsexual ways to show someone you love them. You can show a person
you care for them by spending time with them. Go to the movies. Or just hang out and talk. If
you are with someone you really like, then anything can be fun,

There are also ways to feel physically close without having sex. These include everything from
kissing and hugging to touching each other. Just remember that if you're not careful these
activities can lead to sex. Plan beforehand just how far you want to go and stick to your limits. It
can be difficult to say "No" and mean it when things get hot and heavy

TALKING TO YOUR PARENTS

You probably think that talking to your parents about sex is impossible. You're not alone, 83
percent of kids your age are afraid to ask their parents about sex. Yet 51 percent of teens do.
So... kids are not only talking to their parents about sex, but they're also benefiting from
conversations they were afraid to have in the first place! Lucky them, right? The truth is that
most parents want to help their kids make smart decisions about sex. They know it's vital for
teens to have accurate information and sound advice to aid the decision-making process.

How to avoid peer or date pressure

If you're worried about being pressured or you are currently experiencing it, know that you are
not alone and there is something you can do about it.
•Hang out with friends who also believe that it's OK to not be ready for sex yet.
•Go out with a group of friends rather than only your date.
• Introduce your friends to your parents.
• Invite your friends to your home.
• Stick up for your friends if they are being pressured to have sex.
• Think of what you would say in advance in case someone tries to pressure you.
• Always carry money for a telephone call or cab in case you feel uncomfortable.
• Be ready to call your mom, dad, or a friend to pick you up if you need to leave a date.
• Never feel obligated to "pay someone back with sex in return for a date or gift. Say "no" and
mean "no" if that's how you feel.

DRUGS AND ALCOHOL

In a survey of young people ages 15-24 by the Kaiser Family Foundation, 9 out of 10. people
surveyed reported that their peers use alcohol or illegal drugs before sex at least some of the
time. Seven out of 10 also reported that condoms are not always used when alcohol and drugs
are involved. Twenty-nine percent of those teens and young adults surveyed said that they've
done more sexually while under the influence of drugs or alcohol than they normally would have
when sober.

The effects of drugs and alcohol can make it hard to think clearly, let alone make the best
possible decisions about sex. While you're under the influence of drugs or alcohol it is easy to
decide you'll regret later-decisions that can lead to a sexually transmitted infection or an
unwanted pregnancy. Even worse, there are some people who will use the effects of alcohol
and other drugs to force you into having sex with them.

BASIC RIGHTS IN A RELATIONSHIP

•The right to emotional support The right to be heard by the other and to respond
•The right to have your own point of view, even if this differs from your partner's
•The right to have your feelings and experiences acknowledged as real
•The right to live free from accusation and blame
•The right to live free from criticism and judgment
• The right to live free from emotional and physical threat
•The right to live free from angry outbursts and rage
•The right to be respectfully asked, rather than ordered

In addition to these basic relationships' rights, consider how you can develop patience, honesty,
kindness, and respect.
Patience: Patience is essential to a healthy relationship. There are times when others will
respond to us in a way that is disappointing. When this occurs, it important to communicate our
disappointment, but also to give the other person space. Be willing to give the person some time
to reflect, indicating that you are ready to talk when they are ready. If the person is never ready
to discuss the situation, you may need professional help to resolve the issue, or ask yourself
whether you want to continue the relationship.
Honesty: Honesty is another essential quality in healthy relationships. To build honesty in a
relationship, you should communicate your feelings openly, and expect the other person to do
the same. Over time, this builds trust.

Kindness: Kindness is extremely important to maintaining healthy relationships. You need. to

be considerate of others' feelings and other people need to be considerate of yours. Be kind
when you communicate. Kindness will nurture your relationships. Note that being kind does not
necessarily mean being nice.

Respect: Respect is a cornerstone of all healthy relationships. If you don't have respect for
another person, it will have a negative impact on all of your interactions. Think of a time. when
you encountered someone who didn't respect you. How did it feel? What are some ways that
you show respect to others?

Various Roles of Different Individuals in Society and How They can Influence People
Through Their Leadership or Followership

Role defines a set of norms, values, behaviors, and personality characteristics attached to a
status such as leader, follower, or club president. Every leader assumes role in a society. They
are expected to behave a pattern usually determined by individuals in the society.

To become a great leader, you must be a good follower. This will give high impact to a society,
you must have the important leadership qualities that can affect constituents and can be
developed by anyone:

Roles of an Efficient Leader that can influence people:

1. Set example good leader sets the best example. It is the first rule. Walk the talk. Do not
compromise anybody in the organization or team integrity. Never take shortcuts.

2. Assume and do responsibility you should be guided by your own duties. and
responsibilities. Be proactive in guiding, teaching, and developing excellence in everyone.

3. Show Initiative- find out what needs to be done. do not wait for anyone to tell you what to do.

4. Life-long learner- capacitate yourself. Learn everything you need to know about the current
job.

5. Show enthusiasm if you come to work happy and cheerful, it provides motivation.
Enthusiasm is contagious. Never let personal issues affect your performance.

6. Willing to serve this quality is known of a servant leader. Showing this kind of characteristics
can inspire thought and action of your own constituents.

7. Active listener- to become an active listener, you must maintain an eye contact. Pay
attention to facial expressions and body language, and start a sentence with "I" instead of "You.
This will enhance a good communication and understanding.

8. Show empathy-Try to understand where people are coming from and their point of view. Put
yourself in the other people's shoes.

9. Be sensitive to the need of others as a good leader, you must be the one who should know
and feel the needs of your constituents.

10. Delegate work sharing work among members at the organization should be divided into a
manageable task. Explain completely what you are asking the person to do.
11. Learn to appreciate- If someone has done great with the assigned tasks. be sure to let
them feel they are appreciated. Simply saying thanks will do. This will motivate them to work
hard.
12. Be patient- Do not get easily annoyed if untoward incident happens. hold your temper. This
might require constant practice.

Leadership qualities are not exclusive to leaders. Some of these may found in the followership.
A great leader encourages teamwork. Followership plays an essential part of the leadership
equation.

Followers are team that can contribute success in your leadership. Followership means when
people express words, actions, respect, and support to a leader. But what are the role of a
follower?

Role of an Effective Follower that Leaders Need

1. Courage to do responsibility- Effective follower feels a sense of personal responsibility and
ownership for his or her own behavior in the organization.
2. Courage to challenge- If the leader's actions contradict the best interest of the organization,
effective follower takes a stand. Do not sacrifice your own integrity or the good of the
organization just to maintain harmony.
3. Courage to participate in transformation- Effective followers view the struggle of change
and transformation as a mutual experience shared by all members, support the leader and does
not afraid to confront the changes.
4. A can-do attitude- A leader's job becomes smoother when he or she has followers who are
positive and self-motivated, can get things done, accept responsibility, excels in required tasks,
and willingly accept difficult assignment.
5. A collaborative approach Each follower is a part of the leader's larger system and should
realize that his or her action affect the whole. Work effectively as a team member.
6. Courage to serve and subservient- Effective follower understands the needs of the
organizations and seek to serve those who need.
7. The passion to drive personal growth- Leaders want followers who seek to enhance their
own growth and development rather than depending on the leader to do it.

Social Influence
Social influence is characterized by a change in your behavior caused by the people that
empower you to adjust to a particular situation. Whether someone agrees or disagrees with you,
it influences your behavior that may help or hinder your social roles. Social influence also
happens when you change your behavior to adapt to social demands. Social influence is
categorized by conformity, compliance, and obedience.

Conformity is changing your behavior to be the same with the others in the group (Asch 1955
in Ramirez 2020). For example, when you visit your friend's home, to show respect, you both
ask for the grandmother's blessing because you were told that it is courtesy. This situation
engages you to deal with it by adapting to the shared norms and values to gain social approval
rather than rejection. You were able to conform to the group standards.

Compliance is granting a request or demand asked by another individual in exchange of either

a reward or a punishment. For example, during examination day, you are required to take the
test to finish the grading period and failure to do may result in a failing grade.

Obedience means changing your behavior to follow the demand given by an authority or an
adult you have high regards with. For instance, as a maturing adolescent, you want to contribute
to development through inviting other friends to exercise proper waste disposal. Whether you do
it purposely as you try to give the leader your respect or purposefully as it empowers you to
participate actively as a follower. Whatever your reason is for obeying; it leads to social
facilitation. This happens when you are given a sense of responsibility that allows you to
perform better if you are with other individuals.
Comparing your self-perception with others' perception of you has contributed to your thoughts
that influence your behavior. These significant persons in your lives help you in becoming a
successful leader and follower through social relationships. In any relationship, communication
is important as you listen to what others are telling you, and as to understand yourself and
others in any situation. It influences your outlook in life, like when you were in your formative
years you have a limited capacity of acknowledging what is happening around you. More so,
you are not aware of how other people treated or thought about you. There were also times
when adults always asked you what you want to be when you grow up. While, as you grow, as a
maturing adolescent you conceive new thoughts, feelings and behavior based on your
experiences which form new perceptions that influence you in dealing with others, in handling
your problems, and in making right decisions.

The Art of Emotional Expressions

The experience of human Emotion can be traced back from the human race's survival instinct.
When there is a threatening stimulus in the environment, our tendency is to automatically
protect ourselves to survive we call this "fight or flight" reaction. These autonomic reactions
have been learned by human beings in the evolutionary level and this can be a common
process that we share even with animals the capacity to respond to stimuli in the environment.

What makes us different from animals and other living organisms, are our ability to become fully
aware of our emotions its expressions and reactions. With this, we will be able to process and
draw out insights from our experiences that in turn may help us improve in our daily dealings
with the people around us. However, as human beings, we have different perceptions and
perceptions about the world hence we have different ways on how we process our experiences.

It is not new to you when you accuse intelligent people to be dumb in handling emotions
particularly in the name of love. Though there is a little association on this two especially when
an intelligent person is not a master of his/her emotions. However, to claim this as a universal
truth is a different thing. There are a lot of things to be considered in this claim. First, you need
to reiterate the meaning of intelligence and second, you need to have an empirical basis to say
that this claim is true.

How to be Emotionally Intelligent?

Being Aware of Your Emotions By noticing or recognizing the feelings or moods in a particular
situation in a day is the most fundamental skill for El. If you can accurately name what and how
you feel, then you are ready for the next skill. One cannot manage something that s/he is not
aware of. That is why it is important to label your emotions, verbalizing it to your self is helpful
(e.g. "I feel frustrated", "I feel glad", "I feel thrilled"). From now on, make it a habit to recognize
and label your emotions.

Understanding How Others Feel and Why - Apart from being aware of your own emotion,
another skill to be improved is learning how to understand other's emotions. Again, you will not
be able to accomplish this if you do not have a mastery of yourself, or else, you will end up to
having mistaken judgment about people. This skill is also called EMPATHY. This is important
since this is a good ground for positive relationship with others enabling you to recognize how to
respond to people and situations.

Managing Emotional Reactions It is good to recognize your current emotion and to keep
reminding the self what kind of emotion you are experiencing. However, we need to learn further
how to manage our reactions. If you want to improve your El, learn when, where, and how to
express yourself. There is greatness in being. truthful and frank, but there is nobleness in
choosing the right timing and the manner of saying.

Choosing Your Mood-If you are already aware of your and other's emotions; and you are also
able to manage your reactions it is now important to empower yourself in choosing your moods.
Moods are emotional states that last for a shorter period of time. Recognize that our mood must
not always depend about others and the situations. An emotionally intelligent person knows that
s/he has the capacity to choose his/her mood.
Emotional expressions are a set of behaviors manifested from our feelings and moods. When
we were little, we tend to cry a lot when we are in pain or when we are sad or lonely. When we
are angry, we tend to be more aggressive to the point of quarreling other children. Childhood
Emotional Expressions could be in a form of stomping, hitting, yelling, and losing control. But as
we grow older, though we may still cry and be aggressive at times, but the intensity and the
frequency are now varied and different from our childhood experience of emotional expressions.
You may have improved a lot in your emotional expressions or the other way around but these
primarily depend on how we deal with our emotions today.

There are suggestions above about how we are going to improve our Emotional Intelligence.
But they are easier said than done, especially to teenagers like you. The first two: Emotional
Awareness and Empathy may seem so easy, but it also needs a lot of time to master. The last
two: Managing Reactions and Choosing One's Mood are more difficult that the first ones,
especially that they are highly dependent upon our brain development which we have learned
from the previous modules, that teenagers' brains are still on the process of construction.

However, this does not impede our chance to improve our emotional expressions. What is
important right now is our continuous mindfulness and reflections about how we react to our
environment as influenced by our current emotional state. Observing and understanding your
reactions to how intense and varied your emotions are could a great help to achieve your self-
mastery.

Tips to Improve Emotional Expressions

1. It always begins with self-awareness: how do you feel about the situation, what message do
you want to communicate? It is good to clarify first your own emotions before communicating it
to others. That is why, when we are angry, it is good to separate yourself first from the triggering
factors, process yourself, and calm down your emotions. You may also talk to a friend
expressing why you are angry. When you are already good, then you may communicate your
feelings to those whom you wanted to express it.

2. Emotions are data, it communicates meaning and intent. Therefore, it is important to

accurately convey those to people in the most possible way that they can also understand and
perceive. Most of the time, people argue and quarrel not because of differing opinions, but
because of emotions attached to it and the way we convey as well as interpret the message.

3. Practice communicating your Emotional Expression to closest friends first. Trying to master
communicating emotional expression is quite frustrating for some. There are those who badly
wanted to express but they can't; and there are those who expressed it eventually but later on
regretted why they did it at the very first place. This experience if remains will encage you in that
cycle forever. So, communicating emotional expressions to closest friends may help in the long
run, until such time that you are already ready doing it to others - even strangers.

4. Avoid responding "okay" when trusted people ask, "How Are You", especially when they
seem so sincere about their concern. Instead of saying just "okay", you may start expressing
what you actually feel. In counseling, "okay" as a response is not considered an emotion or
even a feeling, it is the vaguest answer you would hear. For us Filipinos, responding "okay" is
culturally tolerated but this is when the purpose of asking "How Are You" is just a greeting but
not an actual question. So, from now on, instead of saying just "okay", you may say actual
feelings. For instance: "I feel anxious about our upcoming exams", "I am distracted by our
classmates' behaviors", "I'm excited about what will be the next lesson".

5. If you cannot find somebody to communicate your emotions, you may take a video of yours
while expressing yourself. After doing it, you may want to play the videos and observe how you
express yourself, your tone of voice, your facial expression, your gestures, and the likes. This
will help you in your personal awareness of your emotional expressions. If videos are not
available, you may talk in front of mirror and observe yourself expressing your emotion.

6. Change your perspective about expressing unpleasant emotions. Most of the time, we
associate unpleasant emotions to negative emotions. Note that in the Philippine culture,
negative emotions are trained to be repressed and not meant to be expressed especially in
public situations. When we are angry, we prefer not to say it, instead we promote talking about
the person in his back. When we are sad and cry, people judge us. as weak and sensitive.
When we are afraid, we are judged as coward. These are cultural expressions that need further
examination. There is nothing wrong expressing unpleasant emotions as long as there is a good
and clear intention, as long as you do not harm others, and as long as you already processed
within you what you really wanted to convey.

Name That Emotion

Emotions (feelings) are a normal and important part of our lives. Some emotions are positive.
Think of happiness, joy, interest, curiosity, excitement, gratitude, love, and contentment. These
positive emotions feel good. Negative emotions like sadness, anger, loneliness, jealousy,
self-criticism, fear, or rejection can be difficult, even painful at times. That's especially true when
we feel a negative emotion too often, too strongly, or we dwell on it too long. Negative emotions
are impossible to avoid, though. Everyone feels them from time to time. They may be difficult,
but we can learn to handle them.

What are Positive Emotions?

For teachi ing purposes only Positive emotions are emotions that we typically find pleasurable
to experience. The Oxford Handbook of Positive Psychology defines them as "pleasant or
desirable situational responses... distinct from pleasurable sensation and undifferentiated
positive affect" or is it effect? (Cohn & Fredrickson, 2009). Basically, this definition is stating that
positive emotions are pleasant responses to our environment (or our own internal dialogue) that
are more complex and targeted than simple sensations.

What are Negative Emotions? On the other hand, negative emotions are those that we
typically do not find pleasurable to experience. Negative emotions can be defined as "as an
unpleasant or unhappy emotion which is evoked in individuals to express a negative effect
towards an event or person" (Pam, 2013). If an emotion discourages and drags you down, then
it is most likely a negative emotion.

The Different Types of Emotions and How They are Expressed

Decision making is a cognitive process where the outcome is a choice between alternatives.
We often have different preferences as to our preferred, approach, varying between thinking
and feeling.

Emotional Decision making this is the reactive (and largely subconscious) decision-making
that you encounter in heated arguments or when faced with immediate danger.

Logical Decision making the foundation of such decisions is the principle of utility, whereby the
value of each option is assessed by assigning criteria (often weighted).

Emotional awareness - This skill is all about being able to notice and identify the emotions we
feel at any given moment.

Moods are the emotions we feel.

Mindset is the thoughts and ideas that go along with that mood.

Feeling - an emotional state or reaction.

Managing Emotional Reactions

•We all get angry. We all have disappointments. Often, it is important to express how you feel.
But managing your reaction means knowing when, where, and how to express yourself. When
you understand your emotions and know how to manage them, you can use self-control to hold
a reaction if now is not the right time or place to express it.
•You have probably been in a situation where someone reacted in a way that was too emotional,
making you feel embarrassed for the person. You also might have been in a situation where
your own emotions felt so strong that it took all your self- control not to go down that path
yourself.

•Maybe you can think of a time when you did not manage your reaction. Perhaps anxiety, anger,
or frustration got the better of you, it happens. When it does, forgive yourself and focus on what
you could have done better. Think about what you might do next time.

Positive Actions to Help you Manage Emotions

✓ Exercise: this releases reward and pleasure chemicals in the brain such as dopamine, which
makes you feel better. Being fit also makes you healthier, which helps in managing emotions.
✓ Be kind to others because this helps stop you worrying about yourself.
✓ Be open and accept what is going on around you. Learn to appreciate what is happening
and avoid excessive criticism of others or of situations. This is linked to mindfulness, which is
about being aware of what is going on in the moment.
✓ It is good to talk Spend time with other people and enjoy their company.
✓ Distract yourself. Yes, you really are that shallow. Watching a bit of TV, reading, or surfing
the internet will probably help you forget that you were feeling a bit down. Do not give in to
negative thinking. If you find yourself having negative thoughts, then challenge them by looking
for evidence against them.
✓ Spend time outside. Being in the fresh air, especially around nature, is helpful for calming
the emotions. There is evidence that we need to see horizons, so if you can go up a hill and
look at the view then do.
✓Be grateful. Thank people in person for doing nice things for you and remember it.
✓ Play to your strengths. That often means doing things that you enjoy, but it also involves
doing things that are good for you.
✓ Notice the good things in your life. In old-fashioned terms, count your blessings.

Applying Reason to Emotion

•When you make decisions, you can draw on reason, emotion, or a mixture of the two.
•Emotional decisions are sometimes seen as made in the 'heat of the moment', but emotions
play a greater part in most decisions than we may be aware..
•The best decisions are made using both logic and emotion. If you only use one or the other,
your decisions may either not be very balanced, or not support your emotional needs. Instead,
you need to combine your emotional response with more rational considerations.
•It pays to be aware of our own and others' feelings. Highly emotionally intelligent people do this
all the time. Like any other, it is a skill that can be developed, and which is well worth acquiring.

Building Emotional Awareness

Emotional awareness helps us know and accept ourselves. So how can you become more
aware of your emotions? Start with these three simple steps:
1. Make a habit of tuning in to how you feel in different situations throughout the day. You
might notice that you feel excited after making plans to go somewhere with a friend. Or that you
feel nervous before an exam. You might be relaxed when listening to music, inspired by an art
exhibit, or pleased when a friend gives you a compliment. Simply notice whatever emotion you
feel, then name that emotion in your mind. It only takes a second to do this, but it is great
practice. Notice that each emotion passes and makes room for the next experience.

2. Rate how strong the feeling is. After you notice and name an emotion, take it a step further:
Rate how strongly you feel the emotion on a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the mildest feeling and
10 the most intense.

3. Share your feelings with the people closest to you. This is the best way to practice putting
emotions into words, a skill that helps us feel closer to friends, boyfriends or girlfriends, parents,
coaches anyone. Make it a daily practice to share feelings with a friend or family member. You
could share something that is quite personal or something that is simply an everyday emotion.

Family Structure and Legacies

GENOGRAM
A genogram or family tree is a useful tool to gather information about a person's family. This
visual representation of a family can help us to identify patterns or themes within families that
may be influencing or driving a person's current behavior.

FAMILY STRUCTURE
The traditional family structure is considered a family support system which involves two married
individuals providing care and stability for their biological offspring. However, this two-parent,
nuclear family has become less prevalent, and alternative family forms have become more
common. The family is created at birth and establishes ties across generations. Those
generations, the extended family of aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins, can all hold
significant emotional and economic roles for the nuclear family.

Different kinds of family structures:

Nuclear family: A family unit consisting of at most a father, mother and dependent children. It is
considered the "traditional" family.
Extended family: A family consisting of parents and children, along with either grandparents,
grandchildren, aunts or uncles, cousins etc. in soma cremstances, the extended family comes to
live either with or in place of a member of the nuclear family.
Step families: Two families brought together due to divorce, separation, and remarriage.
Single parent family: This can be either a father or a mother who is singly responsible for the
raising of a child. The child can be by birth or adoption. They may be a single parent by choice
or by life circumstances. The other parent may have been part of the family at one time or not at
all.
Adoptive family: A family where one or more of the children has been adopted. Any structure
of family may also be an adoptive family.
Bi-racial or multi-racial family. A family where the parents are members of different racial
identity groups.
Trans-racial adoptive family: A family where the adopted child is of a different racial identity
group than the parents.
Blended family: A family that consists of members from two (or more) previous families.
Conditionally separated families: A family member is separated from the rest of the family.
This may be due to employment far away; military service; incarceration; hospitalization. They
remain significant members of the family.
Foster family: A family where one or more of the children is legally a temporary member of the
household. This "temporary" period may be as short as a few days or as long as the child's
entire childhood.
Gay or Lesbian family: A family where one or both of the parents' sexual orientation is gay or
lesbian. This may be a two-parent family, an adoptive family, a single parent family or an
extended family.
Immigrant family: A family where the parents have immigrated to another country as adults.
Their children may or may not be immigrants. Some family members may continue to live in the
country of origin, but still be significant figures in the life of the child.
Migrant family: A family that moves regularly to places, where they have employment. The
most common form of migrant family is farm workers who move with the crop seasons. Children
may have a relatively stable community of people who move at the same time or the family may
know no one in each new setting. Military families may also lead a migrant life, with frequent
relocation, often on short notice.

CAREER CONCEPTS
A career is defined as the combination and sequence of roles played by a person during the
course of a lifetime (Super, 1980). Your career basically dictates a lot of things in your life it can
determine the kind of lifestyle that you will be leading, the quality of relationships that you have
with people around you like your family and friends, the kind of balance you will be able to keep
with your life and your responsibilities.

There are two other concepts that we often associate with the concept of career. One is a job. A
job is a position an individual holds doing specífic duties. For example, if you would look closely
at the job of a lawyer, you can say that a lawyer's job is working as an associate in X Law Firm.

Another term is occupation. An occupation is defined as the similar work for which people have
similar responsibilities and for which they develop a common set of skills and knowledge. For
example, people who are in the mental health occupation would include psychologists, clinical
psychologists, counselors, and psychiatrists.

A lot of things can influence one's career choice. A popular career development model, the Trait
and Factor model, believes that skills and abilities need to fit the demands of a particular
career field. This being said, it is then important that you take stock of the skills, knowledge and
abilities that you currently possess and those that you still need to develop as these greatly
impacts that kind of career that could be a good match for you.

Another factor that could influence your success in a particular career field would be your
personality and interests. John Holland, a popular career counselor proposed a theory that
strongly believe that certain careers require certai personality traits and must also fit our
interests.

Our life roles are yet strong factors that influences our career choices. Yo role as a child, a
sister, a student, and eventually if you choose it, that of a pare.... would have an impact in the
decisions that you would have to make as an adult. Donald Super, another career development
theorist believes that since we play an array of roles in our lives, these roles are likely to change
over time thus requirements, needs and other external forces would come into play when we
are trying to figure out or maintain a career.
One's race and ethnicity could also impact our choices. The culture in which we belong to
shape our values and expectations.

Our social identity, specifically our gender, also possess challenges and opportunities for us
when choosing a career. Although nowadays, the gender divide in terms of careers have slowly
narrowed, it is a known fact that men and women experiences career-related stereotypes.
One of the strongest considerations in career decision making has a lot to do with social and
economic conditions. Our choice of career is contingent to our capabilities to sustain the
monetary demands of pursuing formal education to train for it. Also, our financial obligations and
roles likewise would determine the kind of occupation we would be pursuing in order to fulfill
these duties. Furthermore, certain life events can also influence our career choices. The
unpredictability of these events may cause us to make certain concessions in order to meet the
demands brought about by these changes. Likewise, the volatile economic landscape and how
it impacts that supply and demand for people and jobs may also impact how our careers would
progress. Lastly, we are so familiar with the question "What do you want to be when you grow
up?". It is highly probable that these childhood fantasies may have influenced how you view
yourself and your career.

WHAT INFLUENCES YOUR CAREER CHOICE?

Influence Factors

Skills and, Abilities Considering your skills and abilities and how they may fit a particular
occupation comes out of one of the earliest career development fields, Trait-Factor theories, and
is still used today. These theories recommend creating occupational profiles for specific jobs as
well as identifying individual differences, matching individuals to occupations based on these
differences. You can identify activities you enjoy and those in which you have a level of
competency though a formal assessment.
Interest and Personality Type - Holland's Career Typology is a widely used to connect
personality types and career fields. This theory establishes a classification system that matches
personality characteristics and personal preferences to job characteristics. The Holland Codes
are six personality/career types that help describe a wide range of occupations.
Life Roles - Being a worker is just one of your life roles, in addition to others such as, student,
parent, and child. Super's Lifespan theory directly addresses the fact that we each play multiple
roles in our lives and that these roles change over the course of our lives. How we think about
ourselves in these roles, their requirements of them, and the external forces that affect them,
may influence how we look at careers in general and how we make choices for ourselves.
Previous Experiences Krumboltz's Social Learning and Planned Happenstance theories
address factors related to our experiences with others and in previous work situations. Having
positive experiences and role models working in specific careers may influence the set of
careers we consider as options for ourselves. One aspect of Social Cognitive Career Theory
addresses the fact that we are likely to consider continuing a particular task if we have had a
positive experience doing it. In this way, we focus on areas in which we have had proven
success and achieved positive self-esteem.
Culture- Racial and ethnic background, as well as the culture of an individual's regional area,
local community, and extended family, may impact career decisions. Our culture often shapes
our values and expectations as they relate to many parts of our lives, including jobs and
careers. Multicultural career counseling has emerged as a specialized field to take these
influences into consideration when counseling clients and students. We can't attribute the
predominant characteristics of a culture to any one of its individuals, but having an awareness of
the values and expectations of our culture may help us understand how we make our career
choices.
Gender Both men and women have experienced career-related stereotypes. Gender is a factor
included in multiple career development theories and approaches including, Social Learning and
multicultural career counseling. How we view ourselves as individuals may influence both the
opportunities and barriers we perceive as we make career decisions. Studies of gender and
career development are ongoing as roles of men and women in the workforce, and in higher
education, evolve.
Social and Economic Conditions All of our career choices take place within the context of
society and the economy. Several career theories, such as Social Cognitive Career Theory and
Social Learning, address this context in addition to other factors. Events that take place in our
lives may affect the choices available to us and even dictate our choices to a certain degree.
Changes in the economy and resulting job market may also affect how our careers develop.
Childhood Fantasies What do you want to be when you grow-up? You may remember this
question from your childhood, and it may have helped shape how you thought about careers
then, as well as later in life. Career counseling theories are expanding as programs related to
career choice are developed for all ages, including the very young. Ginzberg proposed a theory
that describes three life stages related to career development. The first stage, fantasy, where
early ideas about careers are formed, takes place up to age 11.

Teenage Relationships Including the Acceptable and Unacceptable Expressions of

Attraction

Affection is one of human beings' greatest emotions. There is a lot of passion, but more are
conveyed in an intimate partnership with a compatible partner. Romantic attachments are one of
the most important aspects of life for these people, and a source of tremendous fulfilment.
However, the will to create a human link seems innate, which develops our ability to build a
healthy and loving relationship. Some suggest that early childhood begins to develop the
capacity to create a healthyrelationship with a nanny who. regularly satisfies the child's food,
treatment, comfort, protection, stimulation, and social interaction needs. Such partnerships are
not destinies but are hypothesized to establish deeply embedded relationship patterns with
others. The end of a relationship is however also a source of significant mental trauma.

Here are some of the attractions you need to remember:

1. Physical attraction is based on instinct. Most people would claim that they are attracted to
someone after a fewseconds of their first encounter. April Masini, who also gives ABC
Entertainment News relation advice, wrote books like Date Out of Your League, suggests that
females are naturally attracted to men who exude affection and passion and seem to live a
fascinating life. Heterosexuals tend to be attracted to men with traditionally masculine features
including muscle body, square jaw, straight nose, and narrow eyes, physically or emotionally.
These physical properties often include higher testosterone levels, common among "alpha
males." Alpha males display a particular personality trait, including directness, determination,
and power.
2. Physical attraction does not necessarily lead to a good relationship The first physical
attraction is a very poor indicator, according to Dr. Margaret Paul, an expert in relationship who
has a Ph.D. in psychology, about how well a relationship performs that can lead to a feeling
about abandonment.
3. Platonic attraction is important. Having a common family history may also be helpful.
Aaron Ben-Ze'ev, a professor of philosophy and author of The Subtlety of of Emotion, suggests
that your relationship may benefit from physical proximity, living close to your interest in love.
Believe it or not, it seems that simply living in the same city or neighborhood makes people
experience more platonic attractions with each other.
4. The unattainable is attractive. According to Helen Fisher, Ph.D., Professor at the Rutgers
Department of Anthropology and Chief Scientific Advisor to the Chemistry online dating service,
it will still be attractive to someone we consider "out-of-the-league" because they are ideal. As a
way to force ourselves to strengthen both our body appearance and our social status, we could
be producing these frustrating crushes. At the same time, loving yourself and being patient is
the most important thing, because it is impossible to genuinely love someone else without loving
yourself first.

What Makes a Healthy and Acceptable Expression of Attractions?

There are many factors that lead to the growth and maintenance of healthy and acceptable
relationships, including:
1. Mutual respect. Will he or she get to know how smart and why you are? Willyour partner
listen to you when you say you are not happy doing something and then instantly back off?
Respect in a partnership means that each partnertrusts and respects the weaknesses of each
other and will never question them.
2. Trust You talk to a classmate, and your partner wanders about. Is he goingto lose his
cool, or is he going to keep walking, because he knows you are never going to cheat on him?
Often it's normal to get a little jealous; jealousy is a common feeling. But how a person reacts
when he feels jealous is whatmatters. Though you trust each other, there is no guarantee that
you will havea healthy relationship.
3. Honesty. This one goes hand-in hand with confidence, because when one of you is not
honest, it is difficult to trust another. Have you ever caught your partner in a total lie? Like when
she told you that she / he was occupied with homework, but it turned out that she/he was talking
to friends? You're goingto have a lot of difficulty believing the next time she / he says she / he
has to work and the trust will be on dangerous foundations.
4. Support. It is not only in difficult times that you should be supported by your partner. Usually,
when the whole world is falling apart, we thought that thisis the only time we need support from
others. Even in your best, you still needsupport and when time gets tough, your significant other
should still be there. For instance, your partner should be there when you find out that your
parents are breaking apart and he/she should also rejoice with you when youget a great score.
5. Fairness/Equality. You need to have a give and a take in your relationship. Do you take
turns deciding what kind of food to eat? Are you going out with your friends as a partner as
much as you stay out with your friends? If it is not a fair balance, you will know. When a
relationship transforms into apowerstruggle, with one party trying to get his or her way all the
time, changes get really fast.
6. Separate identities. In a stable relationship, everybody has to make compromises. But that
does not mean you should have the feeling that you are losing yourself. You both had your own
lives when you started out (families, friends, interests, hobbies, etc.) and that should not
change. You should not pretend to like something that you do not like, or give up seeing your
mates, or give up something that you love. And you should also feel free to build new abilities or
interests, make new friends, and move forward.
7. Good Communication. Are you going to speak to each other and share the feelings that
matter to you? Don't keep your emotions locked up because youare afraid your partner does not
even need to hear about it. And if you need some time to think about about something before
you are ready to talk about tit, you will be provided some space by the right person to do that.

10 Things That Are Unacceptable in Any Relationship

Every relationship has its ups and downs, and we all have to compromise a little to make them
work. But if your partner consistently doesthe following, it might be time to think twice.
1. Cheating If you are in a committed, monogamous relationship, cheating shouldbe out of the
question. Many people will say infidelity is a deal-breaker. However, others will decide to stay
with their partners after an affair, and, under the right circumstances, it is possible to heal the
relationship. If you do decide to maintain the relationship, your partner says they will never
cheat again, and they do, it's likely that they will continue to break your trust.
2. Putting you down No one has the right to make you feel bad about yourself. Whether
blatantor subtle, if your partner criticizes your looks, your hair, your laugh, your intelligence, or
anything, they're not worth your time.
3. Not supporting your dreams. In a relationship, you should be each other's cheerleaders.
When youfeel discouraged, they should tell you all the things you're doing right. If youfeel like
running out of options, they should ask what he can do to help you. reach your goals.
4. Controlling You should have a life outside of your relationship, away from your partner. It is
not their place to tell you who you can see, when you can see them, what to eat, or how to
dress. This controlling behavior can be a warning sign of physical abuse and should be taken
seriously.
5. Lack of communication You will never be able to grow together if you don't discuss your
wants and needs. You both need to feel comfortable openly expressing your feelings, good and
bad, otherwise you might begin to resent each other.
6. Unnecessary sacrifices Compromise is a must in a relationship, but if you feel like you're
giving up everything, while your significant other is sacrificing nothing, something's not right.
Have you heard someone say they got rid of their petbecause their fiancé didn't like cats? Or
quit their job, left their family, and moved to other places for someone who wouldn't do the same
for them? These should serve as your red flags or warning signs that there is something wrong
in how your significant other treats you.
7. Unreliability When your cellphone is not working, you need advice, or you've just had a bad
day and need a hug, do they come to your aid? If they're not there for you when you need them
the most, think twice: why are you with them?
8. Forgetting the memorable day There's a stereotype that men always forget anniversaries
and birthdays, Whether that's true or not, it's not okay. It's normal for something to slip our
minds, but your man (or woman) should remember those little things. that are important to you.
9. Self-destruction Sometimes we fall for people who are in rough situations. Though it can be
difficult, it's important to be there for your loved ones during these times and encourage them to
seek help if necessary. However, if they are engaging in destructive behavior that is negatively
affecting you, and they refuse to seek help, you might want to consider leaving. There is only so
much you can do, and it is not your fault that they are not willing to help themselves.
10. Not caring about friends and family When you want to build a life with someone, you have
to accept every part of them, including the people they care about. Your partner not makingan
effort to get to know your loved ones can cause a major strain on your relationship.

Personal Relationship—Attraction, Love, and Commitment

PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS
Making time for one another is vital to keep the relationship healthy and the process of give and
take are great ways to sustain a relationship (Miller, 2008). Indeed, any relationship needs to be
dealt with mindful and careful consideration of things, whatever kind of relationship it might be.
Keeping a good relationship with people will help you grow in some ways. In this lesson, we will
try to know how people express feelings and emotions towardothers. By having careful
reflections on the ways, we do to express out attraction, love, and commitment.

Attraction
The Merriam-Webster dictionary, collegiately defined attraction as: the action or power of
evoking Interest, pleasure, or liking for someone or something: and a quality or feature that
evokes interest, liking, or desire.

Having this definition, it could be said that attraction is a positive connection between two or
more people that share something in common, like interests, likes/dislikes, or desires. Some
qualities may catch your attention, and which could spark a certain land of relationship.

When you have a positive attitude or evaluation regarding a particular person in relation to
different components, that is interpersonal attraction. For many, interpersonal attraction relates
only between two people having an intimate and romantic relationship. However, it is not only
limited to such since it may also transpire between friends, colleagues, family members, and
others.

There are a lot of key components of attraction that may be the reason for someone liking
others. Some of those are:

Physical Attractiveness Love Attractive people draw out a more positive first impression.
Initially, people tend to be influenced by what they see. Even the younger ones prefer to look at
facesthose adults consider attractive rather than at opposite ones (Langlois, et.al. 1991). Our
perception of beauty, though, differs from one another since it can be influencedby culture,
educational background, social status, etc. Everyone has his/her idea of what or who is
attractive based on physical appearance.
Similarity When you are asked by your teacher to select a partner for an activity, who doyou
usually choose? Why? The common answer might be a friend who used to be with you,
perhaps, because there is a connection between the two of you that you donot have with others.
We can say that you are "on the same wavelength" that is why you find it easy to get along with
him/her because you share the same interests andopinions. Proximity One of the important
aspects of any relationship is distance.
Proximity pertains to physical distance with other people and it is related to functional distance
(how often people interact or communicate with each other). The more you encounter interact
with the person, the more you allow yourself to get to know him/her better which leads to a
better relationship like friendship or intimate relationship. Most likely, the people always near you
just like your classmate or neighbor has a big tendency to become your friend.
Reciprocity We tend to get along with people or with someone whom we have the same
feelings toward. It is called reciprocity. It is when feelings with someone are being reciprocated
or returned in the same way as you do. According to Brannan and Mohr,authors of one of the
modules of in the book of Together: The Science of Social Psychology, "Another way to think of
it is that relationships. are built on a give and take; if one side is not reciprocating, then the
relationship is doomed". These may happen in any relationship, with friends, classmates, family
members, or romantic partners.
The attraction is something that may happen in different ways, with different people, and in
different circumstances, and may lead to a much deeper connection or relation with others.
Love
It appears that the word Love has many meanings. Some definitions in the Meriam-Webster
dictionary are:
1. (a) strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties; (b) attraction based on
sexual desire: affection and tenderness felt by lovers; (c) affection based on admiration,
benevolence, or common interests.
2. An assurance of affection Any discussion about love piques the curiosity and interest of
young adults your age. It may differ depending on one's experience and knowledge of love,
though.Sometimes, it may affect the emotional and psychological being of a person, thus
influencing his/her emotion toward another. This emotional bond depends on the presence or
absence of support from others.

According to Sue Carter and Stephen Porges, "love is one of the important components of a
complex neurochemical system that allows the body to adapt to highly emotional situations".
Some dements are responsible for the deep and strongbonds of a person with others that
resulted to love.

One of the accountable chemicals for the connection of two individuals like between mother and
child inside her womb and even after giving birth is Oxytocin (Keverne, 2006). It is a peptide
also known as the love hormone, a female reproduction hormone, which helps to deepen the
connection between mother and child through breastfeeding. It is transmitted to the brain tissue
of the child that allows and creates a strong bond between them. This is the reason why it is
considered as the first form of love. Together with Oxytocin, Endorphin, Serotonin, and
Dopamine are so-called "feel good" chemicals that promote strong connections/bonds between
people since it releases during happy moments.

Another element that promotes love is Vasopressin. It is also a peptide that conveys the
behavior of an individual's social engagement (Kenkel et al, 2012). One of its roles is to produce
a behavior of developing stable, loving, and long-term relationship with others. The studies of
Cohen 2007; Fisher et. al, 2009 explained that the serotonin production of newly-in-love
individuals increases up to 40% just like with the brain of a drug addict. And, when a person
experiences heartbreak, the brain processes just like an addict quitting a heroin habit.

In the book of Principles of Social Psychology 1st International Edition by Dr. Charles Strangor,
he explained Robert Sternberg's proposed Triangular Model ofLove. It says that there are seven
(7) different types of Love, and each type consists of the combinations of variables (Cognitive,
Physiological and Affective variables) that are specified in Three (3) different
components/factors: Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment. (see figure 1)
Intimacy is consisting of affective variables such as closeness, caring, and emotional support;
Passion consists of physiological and affective variables like physical attraction, emotional
responses that promote physiological changes, and sexual arousal; and Commitment is
cognitive process and decision to dedicate love to another individual with the willingness to keep
the relationship lasts (Brannan, D.& Mohr, C. D., 2020).

Since love has its different types, we could say that it may happen any time, to any individual, at
a different level with people around us like friends, classmates, neighbors, family members, etc.
The quality of a relationship is how both partners relate to each other. There are different ways
in showing love with our loved ones or partners and are emphasized in Three (3) attachment
styles we display when we interact with our parents, our friends, and our romantic partners
(Eastwick & Finkel, 2008).
Secure Attachment Style a healthy style wherein the children used to receivecare and easily
communicate with the parents since they feel that they are always available to listen and keep
them safe. Anxious/ambivalent Attachment Style when children are lacking or seeking more
affection from parents. because they are too dependent on them. Avoidant Attachment Style it is
when children are distant to the parent/s, sometimes due to unpleasant experiences. These
attachment styles have a big effect or impact on how an individual perceived and expresses
behavior with or towards others.

Commitment
You already have an idea of what attraction is, how it happens, and how it grows, also the types
of love and how each type related and comprised with. Now, let us have the commitment and
how this thing may happen and how it will last.

It is a long-term relationship between individuals.

A more complex relationship that resulted to increasingly turn to each other not only for social
support but also for help in coordinating activities, remembering dates and appointments, and
accomplishing tasks (Wegner, Erber, & Raymond, 1991). Many people say that for you to be
able to have a successful relationship, you should know your similarities and differences;
understand your partner's needs and desires; and invest time and effort to work things out and
last for a lifetime.

Dr. Rajiv Jhangiani and Dr. Hammond Tarry reiterated the Slotter et al., 2011 that "commitment
refers to the feelings and action that keep partners working together to maintain the
relationship". Any relationship will last through the cooperation of both parties, without this, the
relationship will not last and ends withbreaking up. Commitment is a choice, a long and not an
easy process that needs to be participated by you and your partner.

Below are some collected ideas on how to exercise expressing affections and developed into a
commitment for any kinds of relationship. These may serve as tipson how to keep healthy
relationships with others.
Stay happy. Happiness gives you the feeling of satisfaction for both abstract andconcrete
things.
Be empathic. Empathizing with another is acting with greater cooperation and overall
selflessness- the desire to help, even at a potential cost to the self.
Keep open communication. It provides an opportunity to size up the trustworthiness of a
person by verbally committing to cooperate with another.
Always trust. Working with others toward a common goal requires alevel of faith that others will
repay our hard work and generosity. Supporting their interests is also showing your trust.
Show respect. People are likely to give respect to others by being polite, honest, andby
showing kindness all the time.
Be a helping hand. In times of trouble (e.g., mentally/emotionally), makehim/her feel that
he/she always has you on his/her side.

Becoming Responsible in Personal Relationships

Some of the importance of relationships are:
1. lead us to make healthy relationships. All kinds of relationships can give you the
opportunities to establish a stronger relationship with your shared experiences and feelings with
your loved ones.
2. Help us see our potential. People who love you will always see the wonderful things in you.
Through this loving and supportive atmosphere, you little by little grow as a person, seeing your
worth with your capabilities and unique gift and talent.
3. Boost our confidence. It makes you feel you're the luckiest person in the world whenever
someone trusts you sufficiently enough. It makes your spirit enthusiastic and gives you the
delightful feeling of self-assurance.
4. Give you a sense of direction. The idea and feeling of sense of belongingness is such a
great source of direction. If you care to give yourself the reward of having a good life and
reputation, you will absolutely do more for the people you dearly love.
5. Gear our life goals and aspirations. Relationships will help you focus on one goal and
concentrate in achieving it because as the sun sets you know you have someone whom you
can pleasingly offer and share the the blissful feeling of a victorious life with.
6. Build a beautiful person within you. Having all the positive attitudes towards life and
oneself can really create a good aura. Portraying good personalities can even make you appear
and feel young and lovely. Now that you are aware of the good things you get out from being in
a relationship, this time get yourself hooked with our discussion on how you can push yourself
to be responsible in your own relationships with your loved ones.

Becoming Responsible in a Relationship

When you are in a relationship, you share your experiences and feelings to help your
relationship to grow. However, there are cases that these experiences may tend to break the
relationship if you fail to triumphantly surpass the tests in your relationships. A sense of
responsibility in taking care of your own relationship can only be established when you realize
the boundaries and relationships. limitations of your role and influence in various

In this complicated world where you may tend to be disarrayed from a healthy relationship, you
can only bucide yourself up with the essential keys on becoming responsible in any form of our
relationships before muddling into serious problems like unwholesome arguments and/or ugly
separation. Read and study carefully the six major elements of becoming a responsible person
in a relationship.

6 Major Elements of Becoming Responsible in a Relationship

These six elements of becoming responsible in any form of relationship will make you gain and
maintain a stronger relationship with your family, friends, and special someone.
1. Mutual Respect Lack of respect absolutely brings people to an unpleasant environment and
pushes people from respecting one another and themselves, too. Establishing mutual respect is
easier when one is guided by the virtue of the Golden Rule once uttered by Jesus of Nazareth
explicitly stated inMatthew 7:12 which has direct English Translation "Do unto others what you
would want others to do unto you." This may be simply interpreted by the famous line "Respect
begets respect" This line means a person shall not trespass in his rights or put someone down
when he/she is wrong. We certainly know how well we should respect people but whenever we
are in a relationship. We tend to forget that constant nagging, scolding and blaming are equal to
humiliating someone and equates to disrespecting him/her.It is essential to consider this So in
order for us to gain respect from our loved ones or vice versa, we should instead use
encouraging words and learn the art of acceptance to someone's unique personality or traits
and lastly practice the principle of forgive and forget.
2. Value Quality Time Having time for fun will absolutely help you create more memories worth
treasuring. Quality time with your loved ones may mean learning to love them more.
Contradictory to what we usually think it is not the quantity of time you spend with your loved
ones that matters but the quality you spend with them. For example, having a minute of a
heart-warming talk or making fond memories with your kids that is more valuable than having a
whole day of arguing with them. For instance, in a family, each member should learn to take
serious matters in a separate occasion and spend precious moments with one another creating
good memories wgether. These memories will serve as their investment for the future. The time
that they spend together will surely have a positive impact on their relationship as a family. For a
group of people to have some quality time, each of them must have a very optimistic aura and
jolly personality. Jolly personality is always and obviously appreciated by most of the people.
Optimistic point of view is really captivating and can drive someone to be a better person, too.
Being a better individual means having a good perspective and that is able to make sound
decisions. Though others may consider different means of spending quality time with others as
sitting quietly together while watching the sunset or reading their favorite novel together over a
cup of coffee, as well.
3. Trust and Honesty Every person deserves to be trusted by someone dear to them
particularly by family, friends, and significant other. It is through genuine trust that person feels a
sense of belongingness and a feeling of being loved. The person who consistently receives
someone's trust will definitely grow trusting him/herself based on how others trust him/her.
Indeed, positive encouragement may create a positive outlook in life. Trust is the heart of all
relationships, and because of its presence, other things follow like confidence, loyalty, and most
of all honesty. However, for one to completely trust and be trusted, you must realize that the first
step towards it is honesty. Trust is earned as they say, but we should also remember that it is
not easy to be honest when you know that no one trusts you. So, in order to keep someone's
honesty, we should be ready to trust him/her first, as no one would love to be in a relationship
without trust and honesty. Keep in mind that trust will not be visible without honesty, as honesty
shall not come without trust.
4. Well-Communicated Love Love we felt may certainly start any form of relationship.
However, it is not the thing that can keep it. Love is just a feeling. What really keeps any
relationship is the love that is well-communicated. Open communication is one of the most
essential elements. for any kind of relationship to keep it going. How can we say that our love is
well-communicated? A tap on a shoulder, a kiss on a cheek, a very encouraging smile, a simple
hug, may just be some of the most genuine and sincerest ways of expressing your love towards
one another. Means of showing well-communicated love may seem to be very simple for
everyone, but in reality, it requires lot of effort. It is not easy to consistently cheer someone up
when you yourself are having a hard time. Though, that thing per se can make your actions look
so genuine and worthy of being cherished.
5. Reliability and Security Each one of us dearly loves to have somebody whom we can
depend on and who will guarantee to protect us from any harm or trouble at any circumstance.
This virtue teaches everyone the value of recognizing someone's imperfections that he/she is
ready to extend him/herself to the person. This act of kindness will definitely foster a sense of
connection, security, and relief. Ahand that is ready to help would definitely make someone feel
he/she is well-taken care of by someone. This feeling would also develop a sense of
responsibility since he/she would be aware of his/her attitude and behavior for he/she is being
looked upon. As this affection. consistently and mutually exists in both parties, a stronger
relationship might start to develop.
6. Non-judgmental Listening and Presence Who among us would like to be in a company of
people who do not have the heart to listen and give us a chance to explain our sides first? Most
people would find this situation totally unfair. You may have noticed that there are people who
certainly give up in a relationship for having a difficult land of feeling, because of being judged
for whatever their past mistakes. In order to avoid this, listening is the key factor that makes
communication prosper. Sincere listening is also a kind of expressing how genuine you
communicate your love and affection to someone special to you. Listening with a high value of
integrity indicates your presence which is non-judgmental and not discriminatory. If we desire to
have a stronger relationship with anyone, we should have the characteristic of a good listener.
Being a good listener helps one to become a good adviser for he/she could easily discern
pieces of advice that could alleviate someone's feelings. After sharing your thoughts and
experience to someone close to you, you will definitely feel unburdened as if a heavy stone was
lifted from your chest. The weight of your anxiety, worries, and doubts could diminish just simply
by having someone to listen to you without judgment and prejudice. This kind of experience will
precisely increase your tendency to reciprocate the love, trust, honesty, and sense of
encouragement, reliability, and security toward another. No matter what words we use to
express the key factors that will make a healthy relationship, do not forget that it always takes
two. to tango. For a relationship to grow and become successful, parties involved should take
their own sets of responsibility.