CHAPTER 3

CONSTRUCTION OF CLEAR SENTENCES

AND PARAGRAPHS

TEACHING SUGGESTIONS
As this chapter continues the coverage of basic writing begun in Chapter 2, the same teaching
suggestions apply.

TEXT SUMMARY, LECTURE OUTLINE

Slides 3-1, 3-2
Foundation Point of Adaptation
Just as with words, clear sentence construction involves adaptation. You should visualize your readers
and write sentences that will communicate to them.

This procedure generally involves using the simpler sentence structures to reach people with low
communication abilities and little knowledge of the subject.

Although more complex structures are appropriate for the knowledgeable reader, writing a little below
the reader’s level results in better communication.

Emphasis on Shorter Sentences

Slide 3-3
Writing simpler sentences largely means writing shorter sentences.

The readability studies tell us that the more words and relationships in a sentence, the greater the
possibility of misunderstanding.
Thus, sentence length affects its readability.
What is short is a relative matter. The higher the level of the reader, the longer sentences can be.

Around 16-18 words per sentence is a good average for reaching the middle-level adult.
Keep in mind we are talking about average length. A mixture can be effective—longer sentences
for subordinating information and shorter ones for emphasizing points.
You can shorten the lengths of your sentences in two basic ways: (1) by limiting sentence content and
(2) by using words economically.

Limiting Sentence Content

Limiting sentence content is largely a matter of making separate sentences of thought units.

But sometimes it is desirable to combine thought units in a sentence—as when the thoughts are
closely related or you want to subordinate a thought.

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 You can overdo this suggestion for using short sentences, leaving an effect of elementary and
choppy writing.
Slides 3-4, 3-5, 3-6, 3-7, 3-8, 3-9
Economizing on Words
Anything you write can be expressed in many ways, some shorter than others.

The shorter ways usually are better—clearer and more interesting.

The following review of some of the causes of uneconomical expressions should be helpful.
Cluttering phrases. Phrases that can be replaced by shorter wordings can add unnecessarily to
sentence length.

“in the event that” vs. “if”

“in spite of the fact that” vs. “although”
Slides 3-10, 3-11
Surplus words. Words that add nothing to the intended meaning should be eliminated.

Examples: “It will be noted that the records for the past years show a steady increase in special
appropriations.”
“His performance was good enough to enable him to qualify for the promotion.”
Slides 3-12, 3-13
Roundabout construction. Of the many ways of expressing a thought, some are direct and to the point;
some cover the thought in a roundabout way.

Usually the direct ways are better.

Examples: “The department budget can be observed to be decreasing each year.”
vs.
“The department budget decreases each year.”
“The union is involved in the task of reviewing the seniority provisions of the
contract.”
vs.
“The union is reviewing the seniority provisions of the contract.”
Slides 3-14, 3-15
Unnecessary repetition. Repeating words obviously adds to length.

But some repetition serves a purpose, as repeating for emphasis or for special effect.
Eliminate repetition that is without purpose.

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 Example: “We have not received your payment covering invoices covering June and July
purchases.”
vs.
“We have not received your payment covering June and July purchases.”
Slides 3-16, 3-17
Determining Emphasis in Sentence Design
Your sentences should give appropriate emphasis to each item presented.
Some items are more important than others—conclusions in a report or the objective of a letter.
Some are less important.
You should make the important items stand out.
The longer sentences give less emphasis to their contents, as the items combined share emphasis.

The shorter sentences emphasize content, for they have no ideas competing for attention.

Slides 3-18, 3-19, 3-20, 3-21

Consider the varying emphasis in these three versions:
“The company lost money last year. The loss occurred in spite of record sales.” (The two
items receive equal emphasis.)
“Although the company enjoyed record sales last year, it lost money.” (One idea is
subordinated; the other gets independent-clause emphasis.)
“The company enjoyed record sales last year, although it lost money.” (Emphasis of the two
thoughts is reversed.)
Which is the best? The answer depends on what you want to communicate.
Giving the Sentences Unity
Good sentences have unity; their parts combine to form one clear thought.

Violations of sentence unity fall into three general categories:

Slide 3-22
1. Unrelated ideas. Placing unrelated ideas in a sentence is illogical. The ideas in a sentence
should have a reason for being together.
The reason for items being together in a sentence should be clear.
Sentences that appear to have unrelated ideas can be corrected by
(1) making the ideas separate sentences,
(2) subordinating one of the ideas, and
(3) adding words that show a relationship.
Example: “Mr. Jordan is our sales manager, and he has a degree in law.” (ideas not clearly
related)

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 (1) “Mr. Jordan is our sales manager. He has a degree in law.” (separate sentences)
(2) “Mr. Jordan, our sales manager, has a degree in law.” (one idea subordinated)
2. Excessive detail. Placing too much detail in a sentence tends to hide the central thought.
Writing short sentences helps to reduce this problem.
3. Illogical constructions. Information presented illogically can result in problems of unity.
Slides 3-23
Arranging Sentences for Clarity
Writing clear sentences also involves using the established rules for correctness—grammar and
punctuation.

These rules should not be viewed as arbitrary.

They are based on custom and on logical relationships; they lead to clear communication.
Take for example the rule concerning dangling modifiers.
“Believing that the price would drop, our purchasing agents were instructed not to buy.” (The
sentence is correct only if the purchasing agents did the believing, which appears not to be the
case.)
Care in Paragraph Design
Paragraphing is important to clear communication.

Paragraphing shows where topics begin and end, which helps organize the information for the
reader.
Designing paragraphs requires the ability to organize and relate information. It is a mental process
involving logic and imagination.

Following are five suggestions that might help.

1. Give the paragraphs unity. The paragraph should build around a single topic or idea.
The subject matter included should have a reason for being together—it should be related.
Slide 3-24
2. Keep the paragraphs short. Short paragraphs produce more appealing text. They help the
reader to see the organization of the material being presented.
Of course, length is determined by the information to be covered, but an average of 8 to 10
lines is a good goal for longer papers.
A good rule to follow is to question all long paragraphs—say those over 12 lines. But
sometimes a long paragraph has unity and is logical.
Slides 3-25

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3. Use topic sentences effectively. One good way of organizing paragraphs is to use topic
sentences.
Topic sentences express the main idea of the paragraph.
Some paragraphs do not have them—for example, introductory paragraphs, transitional
paragraphs, and such.
Topic sentences can be in three places:
1. at the beginning,
2. at the end, and
3. within.
Slide 3-26
4. Leave out unnecessary detail. Consider what your reader needs to know, and include only
this information.
Slides 3-27, 3-28
5. Give the paragraph movement. Each sentence and each paragraph should move the reader
toward the writer’s goal.
Anything that does not work toward the goal should be questioned—probably eliminated.
The progress should be steadily forward.
Slides 3-29, 3-30

ANSWERS TO THE CRITICAL THINKING QUESTIONS

1. How are sentence length and sentence design related to adaptation?
Shorter sentences are easier to understand than longer ones. And the simpler sentence designs
are more understandable than the more complex ones. Thus, in adapting to lower or higher
educational levels, you should use the appropriate sentence lengths and designs.
2. Discuss the comment: “Long, involved sentences tend to be difficult to understand.
Therefore, the shorter the sentence, the better.”
The statement is an extreme one. There is value in writing shorter sentences for they
communicate better than the longer ones. But the matter can be carried to the extreme. Writing
made up entirely of very short sentences would be choppy and ridiculous.
3. Discuss ways to give ideas more or less emphasis in your sentences.
The discussion should review the emphasis techniques presented in the chapter: (1) how short
sentences add emphasis to their content, (2) how combining information in longer sentences
deemphasizes content, and (3) how subordination can be used to give proper emphasis to
content.
4. How can unity apply equally well to a sentence, to a paragraph, and to longer units of
writing?

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 Unity is a relative concept. An entire paper can be on one subject and therefore have unity. But
it has subparts, and each of these parts is a unit. These parts in turn have subparts (probably
paragraphs), and each has unity. These parts also have subparts (probably sentences), and these
have unity.
5. What are the principal causes for the lack of unity in sentences?
There are three: 1) placing unrelated ideas in one sentence; 2) including too much detail; and 3)
illogical construction (such as active-passive voice in the same sentence).
6. Discuss this comment: “Words carry the message. They would carry the same meanings
with or without paragraphing. Therefore, paragraphing has no effect on
communication.”
Paragraphing aids in communication. It shows the organization plan to the reader. And it helps
to emphasize the information carried in the paragraph. In general, paragraphing helps to
communicate the structure of the message.
7. Defend the use of short paragraphs in report writing.
Logical organization of the subparts of a report produces short paragraphs. The units typically
are short. Short paragraphs show the organization plan. They emphasize the information, and
they are more inviting to the reader.
8. “Topic sentences merely repeat what the other sentences in the paragraph say. As they
serve only to add length, they should be eliminated.” Discuss.
Well-constructed topic sentences do not repeat paragraph content. Rather, they draw a
conclusion from it or express the main idea. They carry the most important message in the
paragraph. Even though a reader may be able to draw this information from reading the
remainder of the paragraph, the message is too important to leave to the reader’s reasoning.

SUGGESTED SOLUTIONS TO THE CRITICAL THINKING EXERCISES

Instructions: Sentences 1-8. Break up these sentences into shorter, more readable sentences.

1. Records were set by both the New York Stock Exchange Composite Index, which closed at
8,001.40, up 27.08 points, topping its previous high of 7,986.50, set Wednesday, and Standard
& Poor’s 500 Index, which finished at 1,264.03, up 9.90, moving up significantly, also set a
five-day high.
The New York Stock Exchange Composite Index closed at 8,001.40. Up 27.08 from
Wednesday’s record 7,986.50, the index set a new all-time high. Standard & Poor’s 500 Index
recorded a five-day high of 1,264.03 with a significant gain of 6.90.
2. Dealers attributed the rate decline to several factors, including expectations that the U.S.
Treasury will choose to pay off rather than refinance some $4 billion of government obligations
that fall due next month, an action which would absorb even further the available supplies of
short-term government securities, leaving more funds chasing skimpier stocks of the securities.
Dealers attribute the rate decline to several factors. One major one is that they expect the United
States Treasury to pay off rather than refinance $4 billion of government obligations next
month. This action would absorb even further the available supplies of short-term government
securities. The result would be to leave more funds chasing skimpier stocks of the securities.

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3. If you report your income on a fisca1-year basis ending in 2007, you may not take credit for
any tax withheld on your calendar year 2007 earnings, inasmuch as your taxable year began in
2006, although you may include, as part of your withholding tax credits against your fiscal
2008 tax liability, the amount of tax withheld during 2007.
If you report your income on a fiscal-year basis ending in 2007, your taxable year began in
2006. Thus, you may not take credit for any tax withheld on 2007 calendar year earnings. You
may take credit for these 2007 withholdings when you compute your fiscal 2008 tax liability.
4. The Consumer Education Committee is assigned the duties of keeping informed of the qualities
of all consumer goods and services, especially of their strengths and shortcomings, of gathering
all pertinent information on dealers’ sales practices, with emphasis on practices involving
honest and reasonable fairness, and of publicizing any of the information collected that may be
helpful in educating the consumer.
The Consumer Education Committee has three primary duties. (1) It keeps informed of the
qualities of all consumer goods and services (especially their strengths and shortcomings). (2) It
gathers all pertinent information on dealers’ sales practices (with emphasis on dealers’ fairness
and honesty). (3) It publicizes any of the information it collects that may educate the consumer.
5. The upswing in business activity that began in 2007 is expected to continue, and possibly
accelerate in 2008 and gross domestic product should rise by $664 billion, representing an 8
percent increase over 2007, which is significantly higher than the modest 5 percent increase of
2006.
The upswing in business activity that began in 2007 is expected to continue in 2008. Possibly,
it will accelerate. Gross domestic product should rise by $664 billion, representing an 8 percent
increase over 2007. This increase is significantly higher than the modest 5 percent increase of
2006.
6. As you will not get this part of medicare automatically, even if you are covered by Social
Security, you must sign up for it and pay $88.50 per month, which the government will match,
if you want your physician’s bills to be covered.
You will not get this part of medicare automatically, even if you are covered by Social
Security. You must sign up for it. If you want your physician’s bills covered, you must pay
$88.50 per month, which the government will match.
7. Students with approved excused absences from any of the hour examinations have the option of
taking a special makeup examination to be given during dead week or of using their average
grade on their examinations in the course as their grade for the work missed.
Students with approved absences from any of the hour examinations have two options: (1) They
may take a special makeup examination to be given during dead week. (2) They may use their
average grade on their examinations in the course as their grade for the work missed.
8. Although we have not definitely determined the causes for the decline in sales volume for the
month, we know that during this period construction on the street adjacent to the store severely
limited traffic flow and that because of resignations in the advertising department promotion
efforts dropped well below normal.
We have not definitely determined the causes for the decline in sales for the month. We know,
however, that during this period, construction on the street adjacent to the store severely limited
flow. We know also that promotion efforts dropped as a result of resignations in the advertising
department.

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 9. Assume that you are the assistant manager of a hotel and are describing your hotel’s meeting
room to a prospective customer who is thinking of holding a seminar there. Turn the following
pieces of information into coherent writing, making paragraph breaks where you think
appropriate. Be ready to explain why your grouped information and managed the emphasis the
way you did. You may need to add some words or information to make the facts flow
smoothly.
We have a meeting room.
It will be available on the date you request.
The seating can be arranged to your specifications.
It is quiet.
It is on the ground floor.
It is not near the guest rooms.
The lounge has live music on occasion.
The lounge is at the opposite end of the hotel from the meeting room.
The meeting room has a lectern.
It has a projector.
It has a screen.
It has a laptop hookup.
We can rent additional equipment.
We can rent it at no charge to you.
The charge for the room is $300.
This is the charge for one day.
Each student’s work should be evaluated on its merits. The writing tips presented in the
chapter should be emphasized.

Instructions: Sentences 10-39. Revise the following sentences for more economical wording.

10. In view of the fact that we financed the experiment, we were entitled to some profit.
Because we financed the experiment, we were entitled to some profit.
11. We will deliver the goods in the near future.
We will deliver the goods soon (or give precise date).
12. Mr. Watts outlined his development plans on the occasion of his acceptance of the presidency.
Mr. Watts outlined his development plans when he accepted the presidency.
13. I will talk to him with regard to the new policy.
I will talk to him about the new policy.
14. The candidates which had the most money won.
The richest candidates won.
15. There are many obligations that we must meet.
We must meet many obligations.
16. We purchased coats that are lined with rabbit fur.
We purchased coats lined with rabbit fur.

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17. Mary is of the conviction that service has improved.
Mary believes that service has improved.
18. Sales can be detected to have improved over last year.
Sales have improved over last year.
19. It is essential that we take the actions that are necessary to correct the problem.
We must take the actions necessary to correct the problem.
20. The chairperson is engaged in the activities of preparing the program.
The chairperson is preparing the program.
21. Martin is engaged in the process of revising the application.
Martin is revising the application.
22. You should study all new innovations in your field.
You should study all innovations in your field.
23. In all probability, we are likely to suffer a loss this quarter.
Probably we shall lose money this quarter.
24. The requirements for the job require a minimum of three years of experience.
The job requires a minimum of three years of experience.
25. In spite of the fact that the bill remains unpaid, they placed another order.
Even though the bill remains unpaid, they ordered again.
26. We expect to deliver the goods in the event that we receive the money.
We expect to deliver the goods if we receive the money.
27. In accordance with their plans, company officials sold the machinery.
As planned, company officials sold the machinery.
28. This policy exists for the purpose of preventing dishonesty.
This policy exists to prevent dishonesty.
29. The salespeople who were most successful received the best rewards.
The most successful salespeople received the best rewards.
30. The reader will note that this area ranks in the top 5 percent in per capita income.
This area ranks in the top 5 percent in per capita income.
31. Our new coats are made of a fabric that is of the water-repellent variety.
Our new coats are made of a wrinkle-resistant fabric.
32. Our office is charged with the task of counting supplies not used in production.
Our office is charged with counting supplies not used in production.
33. Their salespeople are of the conviction that service is obsolete.
Their salespeople believe that service is obsolete.

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34. Losses caused by the strike exceeded the amount of $640,000.
Losses caused by the strike exceeded $640,000.
35. This condition can be assumed to be critical.
This condition is critical.
36. Our goal is to effect a change concerning the overtime pay rate.
Our goal is to change the overtime pay rate.
37. Mr. Wilson replaced the old antiquated machinery with new machinery.
Mr. Wilson replaced the old machinery with new machinery.
38. We must keep this information from transpiring to others.
We must keep this information secret.
39. The consensus of opinion of this group is that Wellington was wrong.
The group believes that Wellington was wrong.
Instructions: Paragraphs 40-44. Rewrite the following paragraphs in two ways to show different
placement of the topic sentence and variations in emphasis of contents. Point out the differences in
meaning in each of your paragraphs. (Of course, a number of possible arrangements exist for each
problem. Thus, the following solutions are only suggestions.)

40. Jennifer has a good knowledge of office procedures. She works hard. She has performed her job
well. She is pleasant most of the time; but she has a bad temper, which has led to many
personal problems with the work group. Although I cannot recommend her for promotion, I
approve a 5-percent raise for her.
1. I cannot recommend Jennifer for promotion. Even though she is pleasant most of the time,
she has a bad temper. It has 1ed to many personal problems within the work group. Even
so, I can approve a 10-percent raise for her. She works hard, has a good knowledge of
office procedure, and has performed her job well.
(The beginning topic sentence emphasizes the negative qualities. The following positive
information receives secondary emphasis.)
2. I recommend Jennifer for a 10-percent raise. She works hard, has a good knowledge of
office procedure, and has performed her job well. Although I am not recommending her for
promotion because of her temper, it is only fair to report that she is pleasant most of the
time.
(Here the positive news gets the emphasis of the beginning topic sentence. The negative
information follows in incidental fashion.)
41. Last year our sales increased 7 percent in California and 9 percent in Arizona. Nevada had the
highest increase with 14 percent. Although all states in the western region enjoyed increases,
Oregon recorded only a 2 percent gain. Sales in Washington increased 3 percent.
1. All states in the western region enjoyed sales increases. Nevada had the highest increase,
with 14 percent. Arizona and California were next, with 9 percent and 7 percent,
respectively. The increase in Washington was 3 percent; and in Oregon it was 2 percent.

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 (The topic sentence stresses the general conclusion that all states experience gains. The
following sentences present supporting evidence.)
2. Sales increases in Oregon and Washington were low last year. Oregon sales were up only 2
percent, and Washington’s sales increased only 3 percent. These gains were small
compared with the 14 percent recorded for Nevada, 9 percent for Arizona, and 7 percent for
California.
(Here the topic sentence emphasizes low increases in two states. The higher increases are
then presented subordinately as contrasting information.)
42. I majored in marketing at Darden University and received a B.S. degree in 2007. Among the
marketing courses I took were marketing strategy, promotion, marketing research, marketing
management, and consumer behavior. These and other courses prepared me specifically for a
career in retailing. Included, also, was a one-semester internship in retailing with Olympic
Department Stores.
1. My B.S. degree in marketing awarded in 2007 by Darden University prepared me
specifically for a career in retailing. Among the courses I studied were marketing strategy,
promotion, marketing research, marketing management, and sales management. In addition,
I had a one-semester internship in retailing with Macy Department Stores.
(The beginning topic sentence stresses general preparation in retailing. The following
sentences bring in supporting information.)
2. A one-semester internship in retailing with Olympic Department Stores prepared me
specifically for a career in retailing. Supporting this preparation were my studies in
marketing at Darden University, from which I earned the B.S. degree in 2007. Courses
studied include marketing strategy, promotion, marketing research, marketing management,
and sales management.
(The emphasis here is on special preparation in retailing. The marketing preparation comes
in as general supporting information.)
43. Our records show that Penn motors cost more than Oslo motors. The Penns have less
breakdown time. They cost more to repair. I recommend that we buy Penn motors the next time
we replace worn-out motors. The longer working life offsets Penn’s cost disadvantage. So does
its better record for breakdown.
1. I recommend that we buy Penn motors rather than Oslo motors the next time we replace
motors. Penn motors have less breakdown time and a longer working life. These
advantages more than offset Penn’s higher initial cost and repair costs.
(This organization plan begins with the recommendation [topic sentence] and follows it
with pro and con reasoning.)
2. Penn motors cost more than Oslo motors. They also have higher repair costs. Even so, their
longer working life and shorter breakdown periods more than offset these disadvantages. I
recommend that we buy Penn motors the next time we replace motors.
(This plan gives the reasoning and leads to the conclusion, which is the topic sentence.)

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44. Recently China ordered a large quantity of wheat from the United States. Likewise, Germany
ordered a large quantity. Other countries continued to order heavily, resulting in a dramatic
improvement in the outlook for wheat farming. Increased demand by Eastern European
countries also contributed to the improved outlook.
1. The outlook for wheat farming has improved dramatically. Both China and Germany have
recently ordered large quantities from the United States. Demands of Eastern European
countries have increased. And other countries continue to order heavily.
(The topic sentence at the beginning establishes the conclusion. The supporting facts
follow.)
2. Recently China and Germany ordered a large quantity of wheat from the United States.
Other countries have continued to order heavily. And wheat demands in Eastern Europe
have continued to be strong. The result has been a dramatic improvement in the outlook for
wheat farming.
(The topic sentence at the end arrives as a logical conclusion from the preceding facts.)

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