Syllabus

Course: Problem Solving Skills for International Business Students

August 2023

Lecturer drs Monique Kroese

Retired from the Faculty of Economics & Business

University of Groningen, the Netherlands

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Table of contents

I. Problem Solving Skills: scope and course outline ........................................................................... 3

1a What is Problem Solving and Why is it Important? ................................................................ 3
1b Problem Solving Skills: course outline ................................................................................... 4

II. Problem Solving Skills: overview aspects of PSS & texts for reading and studying ....................... 7
a.Aspects of PSS for CTU course: ................................................................................................. 7
b.Intercultural interaction: case .................................................................................................. 7
1. Fast and Slow thinking (summary) .................................................................................................. 8
2. Four stages of learning .................................................................................................................. 10
3. Theory of communication ............................................................................................................. 11
3a Communication wall ............................................................................................................ 11
3b Levels of communication ..................................................................................................... 11
4. Reflective skills .............................................................................................................................. 13
5. Goal setting: identifying scope ...................................................................................................... 14
6. Theory of Flip-Thinking: the skill of changing perspectives ........................................................... 15
7. Intercultural case ........................................................................................................................... 16
8. Toward a More Perfect Union in an Age of Diversity (article) ...................................................... 17
9. Cultural values: what is fundamentally important for a person.................................................... 22
a. What are “values”? ............................................................................................................... 22
b. Netherlands/Dutch Values Lens ........................................................................................... 23
c. Vietnam values lens .............................................................................................................. 25
10. Communication Styles ................................................................................................................... 27
11. Article: Innovation Leadership Lessons from the Marshmallow Challenge .................................. 34
12. Effective team work: team Charter............................................................................................. 36
13. Regulating skills ............................................................................................................................. 38
14. Active Listening (article): Hear What People are Really Saying..................................................... 39
15. Article: The 12 Blocks to Active Listening ...................................................................................... 42
16. Active listening (question types) ................................................................................................... 46
17. Article: Feedback through cultural looking glass........................................................................... 48

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I. Problem Solving Skills: scope and course outline

“We do not think as long as things run smoothly for us. It is only when the routine is disrupted by the
intrusion of a difficulty, obstacle or challenge that we are forced to stop drifting and to think what we
are going to do”. John Dewey, qtd in Adair, J. (Decision Making and Problem Solving Strategies, 2010)

1a What is Problem Solving and Why is it Important?

The ability to solve problems is a basic life skill and is essential to our day-to-day lives, at home, at
school, and at work. We solve problems every day without really thinking about how we solve them.
For example: it’s raining and you need to go to the store. What do you do? There are lots of possible
solutions. Take your umbrella and walk. If you don't want to get wet, you can drive, or take the bus.
You might decide to call a friend for a ride, or you might decide to go to the store another day. There
is no right way to solve this problem and different people will solve it differently.

Problem solving is the process of identifying a problem, developing possible solution paths, and
taking the appropriate course of action.
Why is problem solving important? Good problem solving skills empower you not only in your
personal life but are critical in your professional life. In the current fast-changing global economy,
employers often identify everyday problem solving as crucial to the success of their organizations.
For employees, problem solving can be used to develop practical and creative solutions, and to show
independence and initiative to employers.

What Does Problem Solving Look Like?

The ability to solve problems is a skill, and just like any other skill, the more you practice, the better
you get. So how exactly do you practice problem solving? Learning about different problem solving
strategies and when to use them will give you a good start. Problem solving is a process that uses
steps to solve problems. But what does that really mean? Let's break it down and start building our
toolbox of problem solving strategies.

1. What is the first step of solving any problem? The first step is to recognize that there is a
problem and identify the right cause of the problem. This may sound obvious, but similar
problems can arise from different events, and the real issue may not always be apparent. To
really solve the problem, it's important to find out what started it all. This is called identifying
the root cause.
Example: You and your classmates have been working long hours on a project in the school's
workshop. The next afternoon, you try to use your student ID card to access the workshop,
but discover that your magnetic strip has been demagnetized. Since the card was a couple of
years old, you think it must be due to wear and tear and get a new ID card. Later that same
week you learn that several of your classmates had the same problem! After a little
investigation, you discover that a strong magnet was stored underneath a workbench in the
workshop. The magnet was the root cause of the demagnetized student ID cards.

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 The best way to identify the root cause of the problem is to ask questions and gather
information. If you have a vague problem, investigating facts is more productive than
guessing a solution. Ask yourself questions about the problem. What do you know about the
problem? What do you not know? When was the last time it worked correctly? What has
changed since then? Can you diagram the process into separate steps? Where in the process
is the problem occurring? Be curious, ask questions, gather facts, and make logical
deductions rather than assumptions.

“The ability to ask the right question is more than half the battle of finding the answer.”
— Thomas J. Watson, founder of IBM

2. Communication
In any workplace, communication of problems and issues (especially those that involve safety) is
always important. This is especially crucial in manufacturing where people are constantly
working with heavy, costly, and sometimes dangerous equipment. When issues and problems
arise, it is important that they be addressed in an efficient and timely manner. Effective
communication is an important tool because it can prevent problems from recurring, avoid injury
to personnel, reduce rework and scrap, and ultimately, reduce cost and save money.
One strategy for improving communication is the huddle. Just like football players on the field, a
huddle is a short meeting with everyone standing in a circle. A daily team huddle is a great way
to ensure that team members are aware of changes to the schedule, any problems or safety
issues are identified and that team members are aware of how their work impacts one another.
When done right, huddles create collaboration, communication, and accountability to results.
Impromptu huddles can be used to gather information on a specific issue and get each team
member's input.

https://ccmit.mit.edu/problem-solving

1b Problem Solving Skills: course outline

LEARNING OBJECTIVES

Upon completion of the course you will:

1. understand the complexity of problem solving skills in an international context

2. know the following theories concerning problem solving skills: learning process, slow and fast
thinking, communication, intercultural communication, perspective changing
3. have reflected on your current level of (aspects of) problem solving skills
4. have developed (aspects of) problem solving skills by practicing subskills
5. have explored and learned how to develop (aspects of) problem solving skills in a team and
how to benefit from the diversity of quality among team members in a student team

COURSE DESCRIPTION

We solve problems every day in a variety of situations: traffic jam, gaming, money shortage,
shopping for food, favourite shirt dirty, missing the bus etc. So these are in essence not new skills; we
already have life-long experience solving problems (for example by finding a solution, by avoiding
them, by delegating them to others, by waiting for time to pass and the problem to go away )

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Taking your skills as you have developed them so far to a next level, we will focus on interactional
and creative skills rather than on business expertise. So we will NOT address business models such as
SWOT, Pestel or Porter. Rather we will zoom in on aspects of the quality of solutions, the way to get
there when you work with others and an understanding of how the skills we have developed over
time, our interpersonal skills, the way our brain works and our self-image affect the process and the
outcome. What does it take to collaborate in a team when having to solve a problem in an
international or intercultural business context? These aspects can be categorized into knowledge,
skills and attitude required for effective problem solving.

DIDACTIC SET-UP

Even though the student population is all Vietnamese, we work in an international context and with a
view to moving comfortably in an international setting after graduation.

The way we work together will be interactive (that is: in small groups you will explore and discuss
issues and cases), small groups (to be able to actively practice skills), learning from experience (so
you will be asked to open up to experimenting), reflect on those experiences and studying texts on
separate skills (theories).

During the lectures, we will be active: watch videos, do exercises, reflect on what we experienced,
and try things out. In that sense the course is set up as a training seminar within the conventional
lectures. You are invited to adopt an open attitude to learning. The class is a error-free zone: every
experience counts for building skills so try, try and try again. To find out how something does not
work, is also a positive experience. As Albert Einstein said: “I have failed a 100 times, so I have
learned a 100 ways that are not the right ones”

As we will address subskills, individually you may have developed some to a high level already. In that
case I am asking you to reflect on the effective behaviour you are already showing and the way you
may help others develop this, too.

ASSESSMENT

Your knowledge and understanding of problem solving skills will be tested by means of multiple
choice questions. The exam covers the lectures (the lecture slides will be made available) and the
texts in the syllabus.

COURSE SCHEDULE

Monday 13, Wednesday 15 and Friday 17 August: 7.30 am – 11.30 am

Day 1
▪ Introduction scope course PSS: definition, creativity and interaction
▪ Theoretical framework: Fast and Slow Thinking, Theory of Learning, Communication Levels,
Reflective skills
▪ Relevant Texts in syllabus: to be announced
Preparation for day 2: revise lecture notes and study relevant texts in syllabus: to be announced
Day 2
▪ Flip thinking: perspective change for more creativity
▪ PSS in intercultural setting: communication styles & cultural values

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 ▪ Preparation for day 3: revise lecture notes and study relevant texts in syllabus: to be
announced
Day 3
▪ Teamwork: team start for higher quality and effective strategy
▪ Listening: summarizing, probing, observing
▪ Creative team processes

READING LIST

- Course syllabus (provided by the lecturer)

- Optional: Adair, J. Decision Making and problem Solving Strategies. KoganPage 2010

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II. Problem Solving Skills: overview aspects of PSS & texts for
reading and studying

a. Aspects of PSS for CTU course:

b. Intercultural interaction: case

Discuss and take notes of the various suggestions for exploration on day 2:

a. What could explain Alena’s behaviour towards Gert?

b. What could explain Gert’s behaviour Alena?

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1. Fast and Slow thinking (summary)

Overview
This could read as the start of an 'unauthorised instruction book of your brain' that you didn't know
you needed, but won't be able to live without. It's a foundational model in behavioural economics
that will help inform your understanding of cognitive biases, behaviour change and humanity in
general. Nobel Prize winner Daniel Kahneman’s mental model of Fast and Slow Thinking underpins
behavioural economics by explaining how you live most of your life on automatic pilot, are essentially
irrational, and prone to cognitive biases.

TWO THINKING SYSTEMS.

Kahneman’s findings are captured in his 2011 bestselling book Thinking Fast and Slow where he
describes two distinct thinking systems:

• Fast thinking (system 1): which is automatic, intuitive, error-prone and used for most
common decisions. This is by far the majority of how we think each day.
• Slow thinking (system 2): which is effortful, reasoned, more reliable and used for complex
decisions.

Fast thinking is a primal survival mechanism that uses heuristics, or cognitive shortcuts, to quickly
respond to threats. It’s fast but those shortcuts are ultimately unreliable. In contrast, slow thinking
requires considerable attention and delivers a more accurate understanding.

AUTOMATIC PILOT.

Kahneman’s work confirms that your brain instinctively prioritises conserving energy and overly
relies on fast thinking as a result. The point — you'll be on autopilot for most of your life, which
opens up all sorts of implications...

IN YOUR LATTICEWORK.

Fast and slow thinking is one of the most significant mental models listed
on ModelThinkners because it underpins so much of our modern understanding of behavioural
science, behavioural economics, psychology, marketing and humanity. Firstly, it helps to explain our
heuristics, or biases, such as Confirmation, Anchoring, Availability, Endowment, Peak-End Heuristics,
as well as Correlation vs Causation and many more. In addition, the fact that you are on autopilot for
most of the time and most of your life makes the use of Nudges via the EAST Framework and
building Habit Loops as powerful options for change.

Actionable takeaways

• ‘Econs’ and other rational models of humanity are as flawed as we are.

Econs was coined by economist Richard Thaler to describe the rationale, logical people who
are the basis for traditional economic models. Thaler argues that Kahneman’s work instead
poses ‘humans’ who are often illogical, act on intuition over logic and act irrationally. This is a
simple distinction that contrasts traditional economics vs behavioural economics, but it is one
that can be used to challenge assumptions in other areas also.

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 • You aren’t just irrational, you are rationalising.

Even when you switch to slow thinking you will have a tendency to justify and rationalise your
fast thinking, impulsive decisions.

• Fast thinking can be advantageous via expertise and consistent environmental factors.

Experts build up stronger and more reliable heuristics for specific situations — that’s mastery.
As a result, experts' fast thinking within their domain will be more reliable. That said, they too
will suffer from slight environmental changes that their fast thinking will likely not identify or
read accurately.

• Cognitive biases are unavoidable.

The process of being in automatic pilot, of fast thinking, for much of your life, leaves you
susceptible to unconscious biases. This is unavoidable so the best you can do is identify likely
biases, try to interrupt them, and organise processes or systems to mitigate them. Specific
biases and heuristics are explored in other models.

• People are susceptible to nudges.

Another implication of fast thinking and following the path of least resistance is that people
are susceptible to nudges, or tweaks to the environment which reduce friction, provide extra
resistance and generally encourage particular behaviours.

• You have limited cognitive power, use it strategically.

Slow thinking is powerful but effortful. Set yourself up to use your cognitive energy at
important moments for key decisions. There’s a reason why the likes of Steve Jobs and
President Obama wore similar clothes each day — they were relying on fast thinking for the
small stuff and saving their cognitive juice for the important decisions.

https://modelthinkers.com/mental-model/fast-and-slow-thinking

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 2. Four stages of learning

9/7/20 | 15

competence incompetence
3 - conscious competence 2 - conscious incompetence

• the person achieves 'conscious competence' in a • the person becomes aware of the existence
skill when they can perform it reliably at will and relevance of the skill
• the person will not reliably perform the skill • the person is therefore also aware of their
unless thinking about it - the skill is not yet deficiency in this area, ideally by attempting
conscious 'second nature' or 'automatic' or trying to use the skill
• the person should be able to demonstrate the • the person realises that by improving their
skill to another, but is unlikely to be able to teach skill or ability in this area their effectiveness
it well to another person will improve
• practise is the singlemost effective way to move
from stage 3 to 4

4 - unconscious competence 1 - unconscious incompetence

• the skill becomes so practised that it enters the • the person is not aware that they have a
unconscious parts of the brain - it becomes particular deficiency in the area concerned
'second nature' • the person might deny the relevance or
unconscious • common examples are driving, sports activities, usefulness of the new skill
typing, manual dexterity tasks, listening and • the person must become conscious of their
communicating incompetence before development of the
• the person might now be able to teach others in new skill or learning can begin
the skill concerned

Source: https://www.businessballs.com/self-awareness/conscious-competence-learning-
model/#conscious-competence-theory-origins

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3. Theory of communication

3a Communication wall

Communication wall:
intended ≠ Said
said ≠ Heard
heard ≠ Understood
understood ≠ Agreed
agreed ≠ Done

3b Levels of communication

The model of the logical levels of change, by American psychologist Robert Dilts based on the model
of learning of Gregory Bateson, provides a useful framework for deciding at what level to work to
bring about a required change.

➢ The level of purpose shows your sources of inspiration, your mission, and your motives.

➢ The level of identity contains statements that describe how you think of yourself as a person.
They are “I am” statements, such as “I am a successful person, I am a teacher, I am an optimist”
etc.

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➢ The level of belief systems and values contains statements about you, other people and
situations that you hold to be true, emotionally held views not based on fact. They serve as an
internal incentive or as an internal prohibition. Values are the criteria against which you make
decisions, qualities that you hold to be important to you in the way you live your life, for example
honesty, openness, integrity, fun.

➢ Competencies are resources that you have available to you in the form of skills and qualities,
which you have acquired through training and experience. For example sensitivity, adaptability,
outcome thinking, flexibility. Many organizations are paying increasing attention to competency
based training and development.

➢ Behaviour is what you think, do and say, what you express externally to the world around you. It
is the part of you that people can see and hear, unlike identity, competencies and beliefs and
values, which are internal. Examples: asking questions, smiling, smoking, looking at someone,
losing your temper, setting yourself priorities.

➢ Environment refers to everything outside yourself: the place in which you work, the economy,
the people around you, your business, your friends and family, your customers. When people
say: I was in the right place at the right time; they attribute success to external factors.

Personal congruence: a focused state in which your energies are harnessed to pull in one
direction. Prerequisite: to know what it is you want. In other words, a well-formed outcome (not:
what’s the problem but what do I want to achieve).

Relevance for effective interaction:

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4. Reflective skills

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5. Goal setting: identifying scope

A. Identify the problem / assignment and formulate your goal

B. Then explore the scope of your goal by answering the following questions:

1 What would you* or your client want to achieve with this goal?

2 How could you break this goal down into sub goals?

3a What have you or your client tried to do about the problem so far?

3b And what effect(s) have you experienced?

3c How can you use this experience for working on your goal?

4 Which first step towards your goal would be easiest for you to take?

5 Which qualities in your team can support you in taking this first step?

*For ‘you’ also read ‘your team’

Examples of mental roadblocks how we look at the problem

Knowledge: ack of facts

Instead: do research

A tude: ack of convic on

Instead: re establish a worthwhile goal
ack of mo va on
Instead: iden fy whether it s worth it foryou

Skills: ack of a star ng point

Instead: ust start, you can always change it later
ack of perspec ve
Instead: involve others

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6. Theory of Flip-Thinking: the skill of changing perspectives

(verb, flip*think*ing; flip-thought; a (thinking) technique which is used to transform problems into
opportunities;
synonym yes-and-thinking; antonym yes-but-thinking, thinking in terms of threats and limitations)
“Omdenken” – The Dutch Art of Flip-Thinking, is transforming problems into opportunities.
With this way of thinking you look at reality the way it is, and you focus on what you can do with it.
You use the problem’s energy to create something new.
The founder of Omdenken is Berthold Gunster, best-selling author of ‘Yes-but® what if it all works
out’, among others.

How does it work?

The first step is turning a problem into a fact. Making the step from YES-BUT it isn’t the way it should
be and that’s a problem to YES-AND (it is what it is). Then you look for new opportunities that arise
after you completely accepting the facts, saying ‘yes’ to reality.

Flip-Thinking is a technique that consists of 2 steps:

• Deconstructing is turning the problem into a fact.
You take a problem, remove ‘what should be’ and you’re left with ‘what is’.
• Constructing is transforming existing facts into a new opportunity.
You start with a fact, and see what you can do with it.
Simple, really.

https://omdenken.com/flip-thinking/

Examples

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7. Intercultural case
Alena, a Slovak PhD student is visiting a university in the Netherlands to conduct research. One
day, her Dutch colleagues invite her to give a short presentation about her research. She
prepares diligently because she does not have much experience in public speaking.

The day before the presentation she meets Geert Visser, a Dutch PhD student from het
department and they talk about the upcoming presentation. She confesses to Geert that this will
be her first experience giving such a talk.

The next day her Dutch colleagues find Alena’s topic interesting and they discuss it after the
presentation. Some of them do not agree with Alena’s assumptions and suggest different
solutions. Alena had not expected such an open and public discussion and takes their comments
personally. What troubles her most is that Geert is among those expressing the most
disagreement. After the presentation, Alena avoids Geert.

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8. Toward a More Perfect Union in an Age of Diversity (article)
Working on Common Cross-cultural Communication Challenges
by Marcelle E. DuPraw and Marya Axner

We all communicate with others all the time -- in our homes, in our workplaces, in the groups we
belong to, and in the community. No matter how well we think we understand each other,
communication is hard. Just think, for example, how often we hear things like, "He doesn't get it," or
"She didn't really hear what I meant to say." "Culture" is often at the root of communication
challenges. Our culture influences how we approach problems, and how we participate in groups and
in communities. When we participate in groups we are often surprised at how differently people
approach their work together.

Culture is a complex concept, with many different definitions. But, simply put, "culture" refers to a
group or community with which we share common experiences that shape the way we understand
the world. It includes groups that we are born into, such as gender, race, or national origin. It also
includes groups we join or become part of. For example, we can acquire a new culture by moving to a
new region, by a change in our economic status, or by becoming disabled. When we think of culture
this broadly, we realize we all belong to many cultures at once.

Our histories are a critical piece of our cultures. Historical experiences -- whether of five years ago or
of ten generations back -- shape who we are. Knowledge of our history can help us understand
ourselves and one another better. Exploring the ways in which various groups within our society have
related to each other is key to opening channels for cross-cultural communication.

Six Fundamental Patterns of Cultural Differences

In a world as complex as ours, each of us is shaped by many factors, and culture is one of the
powerful forces that acts on us. Anthropologists Kevin Avruch and Peter Black explain the importance
of culture this way:

...One's own culture provides the "lens" through which we view the world; the "logic"... by which we
order it; the "grammar" ... by which it makes sense. 1
In other words, culture is central to what we see, how we make sense of what we see, and how we
express ourselves.

As people from different cultural groups take on the exciting challenge of working together, cultural
values sometimes conflict. We can misunderstand each other, and react in ways that can hinder what
are otherwise promising partnerships. Oftentimes, we aren't aware that culture is acting upon us.
Sometimes, we are not even aware that we have cultural values or assumptions that are different
from others'.

Six fundamental patterns of cultural differences -- ways in which cultures, as a whole, tend to vary
from one another -- are described below. The descriptions point out some of the recurring causes of
cross-cultural communication difficulties. As you enter into multicultural dialogue or collaboration,
keep these generalized differences in mind. Next time you find yourself in a confusing situation, and
you suspect that cross-cultural differences are at play, try reviewing this list. Ask yourself how culture
may be shaping your own reactions, and try to see the world from others' points of view.

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1. Different Communication Styles

The way people communicate varies widely between, and even within, cultures. One aspect
of communication style is language usage. Across cultures, some words and phrases are used
in different ways. For example, even in countries that share the English language, the
meaning of "yes" varies from "maybe, I'll consider it" to "definitely so," with many shades in
between.

Another major aspect of communication style is the degree of importance given to non-
verbal communication. Non-verbal communication includes not only facial expressions and
gestures; it also involves seating arrangements, personal distance, and sense of time. In
addition, different norms regarding the appropriate degree of assertiveness in
communicating can add to cultural misunderstandings. For instance, some white Americans
typically consider raised voices to be a sign that a fight has begun, while some black, Jewish
and Italian Americans often feel that an increase in volume is a sign of an exciting
conversation among friends. Thus, some white Americans may react with greater alarm to a
loud discussion than would members of some American ethnic or non-white racial groups.

2. Different Attitudes Toward Conflict

Some cultures view conflict as a positive thing, while others view it as something to be
avoided. In the U.S., conflict is not usually desirable; but people often are encouraged to deal
directly with conflicts that do arise. In fact, face-to-face meetings customarily are
recommended as the way to work through whatever problems exist. In contrast, in many
Eastern countries, open conflict is experienced as embarrassing or demeaning; as a rule,
differences are best worked out quietly. A written exchange might be the favored means to
address the conflict.

3. Different Approaches to Completing Tasks

From culture to culture, there are different ways that people move toward completing tasks.
Some reasons include different access to resources, different judgments of the rewards
associated with task completion, different notions of time, and varied ideas about how
relationship-building and task-oriented work should go together.

When it comes to working together effectively on a task, cultures differ with respect to the
importance placed on establishing relationships early on in the collaboration. A case in point,
Asian and Hispanic cultures tend to attach more value to developing relationships at the
beginning of a shared project and more emphasis on task completion toward the end as
compared with European-Americans. European-Americans tend to focus immediately on the
task at hand, and let relationships develop as they work on the task. This does not mean that
people from any one of these cultural backgrounds are more or less committed to
accomplishing the task, or value relationships more or less; it means they may pursue them
differently.

4. Different Decision-Making Styles

The roles individuals play in decision-making vary widely from culture to culture. For
example, in the U.S., decisions are frequently delegated -- that is, an official assigns
responsibility for a particular matter to a subordinate. In many Southern European and Latin
American countries, there is a strong value placed on holding decision-making

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 responsibilities oneself. When decisions are made by groups of people, majority rule is a
common approach in the U.S.; in Japan consensus is the preferred mode. Be aware that
individuals' expectations about their own roles in shaping a decision may be influenced by
their cultural frame of reference.

5. Different Attitudes Toward Disclosure

In some cultures, it is not appropriate to be frank about emotions, about the reasons behind
a conflict or a misunderstanding, or about personal information. Keep this in mind when you
are in a dialogue or when you are working with others. When you are dealing with a conflict,
be mindful that people may differ in what they feel comfortable revealing. Questions that
may seem natural to you -- What was the conflict about? What was your role in the conflict?
What was the sequence of events? -- may seem intrusive to others. The variation among
cultures in attitudes toward disclosure is also something to consider before you conclude
that you have an accurate reading of the views, experiences, and goals of the people with
whom you are working.

6. Different Approaches to Knowing

Notable differences occur among cultural groups when it comes to epistemologies -- that is,
the ways people come to know things. European cultures tend to consider information
acquired through cognitive means, such as counting and measuring, more valid than other
ways of coming to know things. Compare that to African cultures' preference for affective
ways of knowing, including symbolic imagery and rhythm. Asian cultures' epistemologies
tend to emphasize the validity of knowledge gained through striving toward transcendence.3

Recent popular works demonstrate that our own society is paying more attention to
previously overlooked ways of knowing.4 Indeed, these different approaches to knowing
could affect ways of analyzing a community problem or finding ways to resolve it. Some
members of your group may want to do library research to understand a shared problem
better and identify possible solutions. Others may prefer to visit places and people who have
experienced challenges like the ones you are facing, and get a feeling for what has worked
elsewhere.

Respecting Our Differences and Working Together

In addition to helping us to understand ourselves and our own cultural frames of reference,
knowledge of these six patterns of cultural difference can help us to understand the people who are
different from us. An appreciation of patterns of cultural difference can assist us in processing what it
means to be different in ways that are respectful of others, not faultfinding or damaging.

Anthropologists Avruch and Black have noted that, when faced by an interaction that we do not
understand, people tend to interpret the others involved as "abnormal," "weird," or "wrong." 5 This
tendency, if indulged, gives rise on the individual level to prejudice. If this propensity is either
consciously or unconsciously integrated into organizational structures, then prejudice takes root in
our institutions -- in the structures, laws, policies, and procedures that shape our lives. Consequently,
it is vital that we learn to control the human tendency to translate "different from me" into "less
than me." We can learn to do this.

We can also learn to collaborate across cultural lines as individuals and as a society. Awareness of
cultural differences doesn't have to divide us from each other. It doesn't have to paralyze us either,

19
for fear of not saying the "right thing." In fact, becoming more aware of our cultural differences, as
well as exploring our similarities, can help us communicate with each other more effectively.
Recognizing where cultural differences are at work is the first step toward understanding and
respecting each other.

Learning about different ways that people communicate can enrich our lives. People's different
communication styles reflect deeper philosophies and world views which are the foundation of their
culture. Understanding these deeper philosophies gives us a broader picture of what the world has to
offer us.

Learning about people's cultures has the potential to give us a mirror image of our own. We have the
opportunity to challenge our assumptions about the "right" way of doing things, and consider a
variety of approaches. We have a chance to learn new ways to solve problems that we had
previously given up on, accepting the difficulties as "just the way things are."

Lastly, if we are open to learning about people from other cultures, we become less lonely. Prejudice
and stereotypes separate us from whole groups of people who could be friends and partners in
working for change. Many of us long for real contact. Talking with people different from ourselves
gives us hope and energizes us to take on the challenge of improving our communities and worlds.

Guidelines for Multicultural Collaboration

Cultural questions -- about who we are and how we identify ourselves -- are at the heart of Toward a
More Perfect Union in an Age of Diversity, and will be at the heart of your discussions. As you set to
work on multicultural collaboration in your community, keep in mind these additional guidelines:

• Learn from generalizations about other cultures, but don't use those generalizations to
stereotype, "write off," or oversimplify your ideas about another person. The best use of a
generalization is to add it to your storehouse of knowledge so that you better understand
and appreciate other interesting, multi-faceted human beings.
• Practice, practice, practice. That's the first rule, because it's in the doing that we actually get
better at cross-cultural communication.
• Don't assume that there is one right way (yours!) to communicate. Keep questioning your
assumptions about the "right way" to communicate. For example, think about your body
language; postures that indicate receptivity in one culture might indicate aggressiveness in
another.
• Don't assume that breakdowns in communication occur because other people are on the
wrong track. Search for ways to make the communication work, rather than searching for
who should receive the blame for the breakdown.
• Listen actively and empathetically. Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes. Especially
when another person's perceptions or ideas are very different from your own, you might
need to operate at the edge of your own comfort zone.
• Respect others' choices about whether to engage in communication with you. Honor their
opinions about what is going on.
• Stop, suspend judgment, and try to look at the situation as an outsider.
• Be prepared for a discussion of the past. Use this as an opportunity to develop an
understanding from "the other's" point of view, rather than getting defensive or impatient.
Acknowledge historical events that have taken place. Be open to learning more about them.
Honest acknowledgment of the mistreatment and oppression that have taken place on the
basis of cultural difference is vital for effective communication.

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 • Awareness of current power imbalances -- and an openness to hearing each other's
perceptions of those imbalances -- is also necessary for understanding each other and
working together.
• Remember that cultural norms may not apply to the behavior of any particular individual.
We are all shaped by many, many factors -- our ethnic background, our family, our
education, our personalities -- and are more complicated than any cultural norm could
suggest. Check your interpretations if you are uncertain what is meant.

FOOTNOTES

1. Avruch, Kevin and Peter Black, "Conflict Resolution in Intercultural Settings: Problems and
Prospects," in Conflict Resolution Theory and Practice: Integration and Application, edited
by Dennis Sandole and Hugo van der Merwe. New York: St. Martin's Press, 1993.
2. This list and some of the explanatory text is drawn from DuPraw and Warfield (1991), an
informally published workshop manual co-authored by one of the authors of this piece.
3. Nichols, Edwin J., a presentation made to the World Psychiatric Association and Association
of Psychiatrists in Nigeria, November 10, 1976.
4. For example, for research on women's approaches to knowledge, see
o Lorraine Code, What Can She Know?: Feminist Theory and the Construction of
Knowledge. Ithaca: Cornell, 1991
o M.F. Belenky, N.R. Goldberger, & J. M. Tarule, Women's Ways of Knowing: The
Development of the Self, Voice and Mind. New York: Basic Books, 1986
o Carol Gilligan, In a Different Voice: Psychological Theory and Women's
Development. Harvard University Press: Cambridge, MA, 1982.
5. Avruch and Black, 1993.

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

Marcelle E. DuPraw is Program Director at the National Institute for Dispute Resolution in
Washington, DC. Marya Axner is a consultant in leadership development, cross-cultural
communication, and gender equity.

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9. Cultural values: what is fundamentally important for a person
a. What are “values”?

Values are standards of what we deem acceptable or unacceptable, right or wrong, important or
unimportant, good or bad. They represent the “central tendencies” of what a group of people is
taught as being important and virtuous. Cultural values are the principles that guide how we should
think and act as honorable and contributing members of our society.

We need to be careful not to stereotype or over-generalize about someone’s cultural background.

Not everyone from the same culture will hold the same values, nor will they interpret and act in the
same way based on the same values. We all adjust our behavior according to the situation in which
we find ourselves.

Cultural Detective core values are offered as context-specific clues to help better understand a friend
or colleague. They are not intended as rigid categories or universal predictors of the behavior of
everyone in a specific culture. A successful Cultural Detective uses core values as clues to investigate
intercultural misunderstandings and to begin to build effective intercultural communication bridges.

Most cultures have an "ideal" and a "real" version of both values and behavior: that to which people
aspire, and that which actually happens. In addition, there are often trends in society that run in
direct opposition to prevailing values, or groups of people who resist traditional values and offer a
stark contrast to them. Whether by following them or resisting them, a culture’s prevailing values
provide important clues to help us build relationships and accomplish our goals.

Why are Cultural Values Important?

No one can predict what another person will think, do, or say. However, understanding the values
that may influence our colleagues and neighbors can offer useful ideas about what to expect and
how to work with someone from a culture different than our own.

Values represent beliefs and attitudes that drive personal behavior, business practices, and political
decisions. Our behavior is based on the values we have learned, both explicitly and unconsciously,
through our families, communities, places of worship, schools, and the media.

It is important to remember that our colleagues are individuals who have been influenced by
multiple cultures including the nation(s) in which we have lived, gender, education and professional
training, socio-economic level, age, sexual orientation, and spiritual tradition, among many others.
We are all unique, the products of multiple influences plus our own personalities.

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b. Netherlands/Dutch Values Lens

Egalitarisme/Egalitarianism
All people are equal regardless of hierarchy, status, seniority, or sexual orientation. Managers,
subordinates, and customers are treated the same way.

expression:
Steek je kop niet boven het maaiveld uit. Don’t stick your head above the corn field.
(If you think you are better than others, people will bring you down to their level.)

Possible Negative Perception: Arrogantie/Arrogance

There is virtually no respect for status nor any use of academic or other titles. Little respect is
demonstrated for the wisdom of elderly people in business. Subordinates want to be treated as if
they were managing themselves, although in reality, they are subordinates in the organization. The
Dutch think of themselves as very tolerant toward all minority groups; however, this is not always the
case in practice.
Example: Customer service can seem poor since customers are treated as equals. The customer is not
king.

Individualisme/Individualism

Each person should accept full responsibility for both the positive and negative consequences of their
choices and actions. The Dutch have a desire to know “why” things are done the way they are done,
through examination of intentions, risks, and consequences. They expect to make decisions on their
own. There is very little connection between work and personal life. One feels in control when self-
reliant, and avoids depending on a group or network, which might imply losing control. One asks for
help if help is needed, and expects others to do the same.

Possible Negative Perception: Onwetendheid/Ignorance

Only superiors are supposed to make decisions and take responsibility. There is unwillingness from
Dutch subordinates to take orders unless they are fully informed about their role and task.
Example:
Dutch subordinates seem to think they are CEOs taking full responsibility for their work. The need for
tight control, and full self-reliance makes them seem inflexible.

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Pragmatisch/Pragmatism
Most Dutch use linear thinking and a functional approach. They favor practicality and efficiency.
Things are concrete. Dutch tend to be monochronic, doing only one thing at a time, and are very time
conscious. Soberness and a dislike of unnecessary waste or excess are standard attitudes. Vendors
make customers aware of what they are buying, thinking that if they do so, fifty percent of the
responsibility of the sale is with the buyer.

Possible Negative Perception: Niet harmonieus/Lack of harmony

Dutch can be very goal-oriented, with little empathy for systems and people, and lacking a high need
for smoothness and harmony. Dutch can be slow and incapable of doing several things at the same
time. Work is fragmented. Dutch consensus generally means everybody must suffer a bit by making
concessions.
Examples: Dutch do not generally value relationships after a goal has been achieved. The sales
person frequently does not take responsibility for the articles or services that he or she sells.

Directheid/Directness

Politeness and social lubricants may cover up the truth; therefore, the Dutch can be very suspicious
of them and usually dislike them. The Dutch expect others to tell them when they make a mistake so
they can improve their performance. They distrust anyone who does not give opinions directly.
Linear and direct communication is used, and an identical message is sent, regardless of the status of
the person receiving the message.

Possible Negative Perception: Bot/Rude

Dutch can seem disrespectful, using few social lubricants (impolite), and lacking in diplomacy.
Nonverbal messages are subtle and not frequent.

The Dutch are often unable to read the context of a situation and unable to understand indirect
communication. They tend to be impatient.
Examples:
Generally speaking, a Dutch questioner expects a yes or no answer with a clear rationale.
They may even be annoyed by stories or parables that others see as right to the point and
convincing.

Consensus en Procedures/Consensus and Procedures

The Dutch tend to be uncomfortable with uncertainty. Since no one gives orders, they bear all the
responsibility themselves. When an important decision is to be taken, all involved voice their
opinions, after which consensus must be reached. This may involve several meetings. Once
consensus is reached all will cooperate; the job gets done quickly and runs smoothly. Procedures are
well thought out and prevent mistakes. This means that while the decision takes time, the
implementation is often quick and efficient.

Possible Negative Perception: Niet competent en star/Incompetence and inflexibility

Workers may seem inflexible and slow.

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c. Vietnam values lens

Hòa thuận/Harmony
Hòa thuận/harmony is a sense of balance and order that Vietnamese generally consider essential to
functioning well in social institutions and in relationships with nature. Confrontation, conflict, or
diversity that may cause turbulence or disorder are to be avoided. Each individual should consider
the big picture, and not act according to his or her own interest.

Tùy cơ ứng biến or linh động/Flexibility

Vietnamese are famous for their ability to adapt. Their turbulent history has forced them to adopt a
mindset of flexibility and selective adoption. They have successfully borrowed what they perceived as
good cultural practices from their wartime enemies (the Chinese, the French, and, for part of Việt
Nam, the Americans) while retaining their opposition to what the governments of these countries
wanted to impose on them. For the average Vietnamese there are no hopeless situations, no real
dead ends. Goals may change as matters unfold.

Trách nhiệm/Mutual obligation

Vietnamese children grow up learning to conceive themselves as part of a “we.” The loyalty to the
group that is an essential element of a collectivistic society is especially emphasized among family
members in Việt Nam. This is slightly different from the collectivistic Japanese, who focus their
loyalty on companies, and the collectivistic Chinese, whose loyalty focuses on communities.
Vietnamese children are taught to be aware of their debt to their parents, a debt that they can never
fully repay and that increases if the children find success in life. This idea seems more salient in Việt
Nam than in other Asian countries. In a survey, 99 percent of Vietnamese agreed that parents are to
be respected regardless of their qualities and possible failings. In Japan, by contrast, 74 percent of
respondents agreed with that idea; in China, 78 percent; Taiwan, 91 percent; South Korea, 93
percent. Furthermore, 97 percent of Vietnamese respondents said that one of their main goals in life
has been to make their parents proud. In a study of Vietnamese business people, 44 percent said the
purpose of doing business was to serve their families.

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 òng yêu nước/Patriotic
In the 2001 World Values Survey, which included Việt Nam for the first time, 98 percent of all
Vietnamese indicated their willingness to fight for their country should there be another war. The
long and tragic history of Việt Nam, with 1000 years under the influence of China, 100 years under
French subjugation, and a 10-year civil war against US American domination, has created an image of
the Vietnamese as people who would die for their country. However, Vietnamese patriotism is
slightly different from nationalism. The love for the country is triggered when the Vietnamese feel
their country’s interests are at stake, either militarily or in the face of perceived abuse by foreign
companies, which are sometimes seen as exploiting local resources. Nationalism is more associated
with the generalized pride in one’s country that is more typical among the collectivistic Chinese.

Giá trị sinh tồn/Survival values

Việt Nam’s history is full of ups and downs, and though it is changing at break-neck speed, the
majority in rural areas still suffer from substandard living and working conditions. They struggle to
survive. Together with tùy cơ ứng biến or linh động (flexibility), survival values allow a person to
make the best use of all available resources, not only for the challenging present but for the insecure
future. People often have more than one job, such as a family business or side-work connected with
their employer. People are constantly concerned about high costs and the uncertainties that might
afflict them.

Phụ nữ năng động/Women’s active role

As is the case in many other Asian countries, women in Việt Nam have lower social status than men.
But the gender status gap is much smaller in Việt Nam. Ancient Vietnamese culture was matriarchal;
women were respected and honored. Traditionally, women were responsible for doing business,
while the men put their effort into academic achievement and securing a governmental post. The
matriarchal tradition eroded during the country’s long domination by the patriarchal Chinese. But
even today it is not unusual to encounter outspoken and high-ranking female officials in Việt Nam.

Kính trên nhường dưới/Hierarchy

Vietnamese society tends to organize in clear hierarchies that reflect sharp differences in status and
power. The assumption that society is organized hierarchically is embedded in the language, and
thus, is reinforced almost unconsciously. The way people are addressed reflects their age, status, and
relationship with the others in the interaction. Vietnamese people ask foreigners, “How old are you?”
in order to know how to talk with them properly. Workplaces centralize power in a few hands.
Supervisors are numerous. Managers are expected to have power both in directing the organization
and in knowing more than their subordinates know. However, the unequal supervisor-supervisee
relationship does not mean that supervisors operate without constraints. Their authority must not be
questioned, but they do have obligations. The subordinates owe the boss respect and obedience
(kính trên), but the boss owes the subordinate the protection and care (nhường dưới) that a father or
mother might provide.

Daily life example:

As opposed to English which uses only one word for “you” and “I,” Vietnamese has numerous
variations on these pronouns depending on a variety of factors: age, relationship to one another,
status, gender, various other circumstances, and personal mood. Each mode of addressing one’s self
or another person will dictate a distinct mode of communication with certain extensions of respect
given accordingly.

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10. Communication Styles
Getting to Si, Ja, Oui, Hai, and Da
How to negotiate across cultures
by Erin Meyer

Summary. To be effective, a negotiator must take stock of the subtle messages being passed around
the table. In international negotiations, however, you may not know how to interpret your
counterpart’s communication accurately, especially when it takes the form of unspoken signals. The
author identifies five rules of thumb for negotiating in other cultures:
- Adapt the way you express disagreement.
In some cultures, it’s OK to say “I totally disagree.” In others, that would provoke anger and possibly
an irreconcilable breakdown of the relationship.
- Know when to bottle it up or let it all pour out.
Raising your voice when excited, laughing passionately, even putting a friendly arm around your
counterpart—these are common behaviors in some cultures but may signal a lack of professionalism
in others.
- Learn how the other culture builds trust.
Negotiators in some countries build trust according to the confidence they feel in someone’s
accomplishments, skills, and reliability. For others, trust arises from emotional closeness, empathy,
or friendship.
- Avoid yes-or-no questions.
Instead of asking “Will you do this?” try “How long would it take you to get this done?”
- Be careful about putting it in writing.
Americans rely heavily on written contracts, but in countries where human relationships carry more
weight in business, contracts are less detailed and may not be legally binding.

*********************************************************

Tim Carr, an American working for a defense company based in the midwestern United States, was
about to enter a sensitive bargaining session with a high-level Saudi Arabian customer, but he wasn’t
particularly concerned. Carr was an experienced negotiator and was well-trained in basic principles:
Separate the people from the problem. Define your BATNA (best alternative to a negotiated
agreement up front. Focus on interests, not positions. He’d been there, read that, and done the
training.

The lengthy phone call to Saudi Arabia proceeded according to plan. Carr carefully steered the
would-be customer to accept the deal, and it seemed he had reached his goal. “So let me ust
review,” he said. “You’ve agreed that you will provide the supplies for next year’s pro ect and contact
your counterpart at the energy office to get his approval. I will then send a letter….Next you’ve said
that you will….” But when Carr finished his detailed description of who had agreed to what, he was
greeted with silence. Finally a soft but firm voice said, “I told you I would do it. You think I don’t keep
my promises? That I’m not good on my word?” That was the end of the discussion—and of the deal.

The many theories about negotiation may work perfectly when you’re doing a deal with a company
in your own country. But in today’s globalized economy you could be negotiating a oint venture in
China, an outsourcing agreement in India, or a supplier contract in Sweden. If so, you might find
yourself working with very different norms of communication. What gets you to “yes” in one culture
gets you to “no” in another. To be effective, a negotiator must have a sense of how his counterpart is
reacting. Does she want to cooperate? Is she eager, frustrated, doubtful? If you take stock of subtle

27
messages, you can adjust your own behavior accordingly. In an international negotiation, however,
you may not have the contextual understanding to interpret your counterpart’s communication—
especially unspoken signals—accurately. In my work and research, I find that when managers from
different parts of the world negotiate, they frequently misread such signals, reach erroneous
conclusions, and act, as Tim Carr did, in ways that thwart their ultimate goals.

In this article, I draw on my work on cross-cultural management to identify five rules of thumb for
negotiating with someone whose cultural style of communication differs from yours. The trick, as we
will see, is to be aware of key negotiation signals and to adjust both your perceptions and your
actions in order to get the best results.

1. Adapt the Way You Express Disagreement

In some cultures it’s appropriate to say “I totally disagree” or to tell the other party he’s wrong. This
is seen as part of a normal, healthy discussion. A Russian student of mine told me, “In Russia we
enter the negotiation ready for a great big debate. If your Russian counterpart tells you passionately
that he completely disagrees with every point you have made, it’s not a sign that things are starting
poorly. On the contrary, it’s an invitation to a lively discussion.”

Open disagreement may be seen as positive if it’s expressed calmly and factually.

In other cultures the same behavior would provoke anger and possibly an irreconcilable breakdown
of the relationship. An American manager named Sean Green, who had spent years negotiating
partnerships in Mexico, told me that he quickly learned that if he wanted to make progress toward a
deal, he needed to say things like “I do not quite understand your point” and “Please explain more
why you think that.” If he said, “I disagree with that,” the discussions might shut down completely.

The key is to listen for verbal cues—specifically, what linguistics experts call “upgraders” and
“downgraders.” Upgraders are words you might use to strengthen your disagreement, such as
“totally,” “completely,” “absolutely.” Downgraders—such as “partially,” “a little bit,” “maybe”—
soften the disagreement. Russians, the French, Germans, Israelis, and the Dutch use a lot of
upgraders with disagreement. Mexicans, Thai, the Japanese, Peruvians, and Ghanaians use a lot of
downgraders.

Try to understand upgraders and downgraders within their own cultural context. If a Peruvian you’re
negotiating with says he “disagrees a little,” a serious problem may well be brewing. But if your
German counterpart says he “completely disagrees,” you may be on the verge of a highly en oyable
debate.

2. Know When to Bottle It Up or Let It All Pour Out

In some cultures it’s common—and entirely appropriate—during negotiations to raise your voice
when excited, laugh passionately, touch your counterpart on the arm, or even put a friendly arm
around him. In other cultures such self-expression not only feels intrusive or surprising but may even
demonstrate a lack of professionalism.

What makes international negotiations interesting (and complicated) is that people from some very
emotionally expressive cultures—such as Brazil, Mexico, and Saudi Arabia—may also avoid open
disagreement. (See the exhibit “Preparing to Face Your Counterpart.” Mexicans tend to disagree
softly yet express emotions openly. As a Mexican manager, Pedro Alvarez, says, “In Mexico we
perceive emotional expressiveness as a sign of honesty. Yet we are highly sensitive to negative

28
comments and offended easily. If you disagree with me too strongly, I would read that as a signal
that you don’t like me.”

In other cultures—such as Denmark, Germany, and the Netherlands—open disagreement is seen as

positive as long as it is expressed calmly and factually. A German negotiator, Dirk Firnhaber, explains
that the German word Sachlichkeit, most closely translated in English as “ob ectivity,” refers to
separating opinions from the person expressing them. If he says, “I totally disagree,” he means to
debate the opinions, not disapprove of the individual.

People from cultures like these may view emotional expressiveness as a lack of maturity or
professionalism in a business context. Firnhaber tells a story about one deal he negotiated with a
French company. It began calmly enough, but as the discussion continued, the French managers
grew animated: “The more we discussed, the more our French colleagues became emotional—with
voices raised, arms waving, ears turning red…the whole thing.” Firnhaber was increasingly
uncomfortable with the conversation and at times thought the deal would fall apart. To his surprise,
the French took a very different view: “When the discussion was over, they seemed delighted with
the meeting, and we all went out for a great dinner.”

So the second rule of international negotiations is to recognize what an emotional outpouring

(whether yours or theirs) signifies in the culture you are negotiating with, and to adapt your reaction
accordingly. Was it a bad sign that the Swedish negotiators sat calmly across the table from you,
never entered into open debate, and showed little passion during the discussion? Not at all. But if
you encountered the same behavior while negotiating in Israel, it might be a sign that the deal was
about to die an early death.

29
3. Learn How the Other Culture Builds Trust

During a negotiation, both parties are explicitly considering whether the deal will benefit their own
business and implicitly trying to assess whether they can trust each other. Here cultural differences
hit us hard. How we come to trust someone varies dramatically from one part of the world to
another.

Consider this story from John Katz, an Australian negotiating a joint venture in China. Initially, he felt
he was struggling to get the information his side needed, so he asked his company’s China consultant
for advice. The consultant suggested that Katz was going at the deal too quickly and should spend
more time building trust. When Katz said he’d been working hard to do ust that by supplying a lot of
information from his side and answering all questions transparently, the consultant replied, “The
problem is that you need to approach them from a relationship perspective, not a business
perspective. You won’t get what you want unless you develop trust differently.”

Research in this area divides trust into two categories: cognitive and affective. Cognitive trust is
based on the confidence you feel in someone’s accomplishments, skills, and reliability. This trust
comes from the head. In a negotiation it builds through the business interaction: You know your
stuff. You are reliable, pleasant, and consistent. You demonstrate that your product or service is of
high quality. I trust you. Affective trust arises from feelings of emotional closeness, empathy, or
friendship. It comes from the heart. We laugh together, relax together, and see each other on a
personal level, so I feel affection or empathy for you. I trust you.

The survey revealed that in negotiations (and business in general) Americans draw a sharp line
between cognitive and affective trust. American culture has a long tradition of separating the
emotional from the practical. Mixing the two risks conflict of interest and is viewed as
unprofessional. Chinese managers, however, connect the two, and the interplay between cognitive
and affective trust is much stronger. They are quite likely to develop personal bonds where they have
financial or business ties.

In most emerging or newly emerged markets, from BRIC to Southeast Asia and Africa, negotiators are
unlikely to trust their counterparts until an affective connection has been made. The same is true for
most Middle Eastern and Mediterranean cultures. That may make negotiations challenging for task-
oriented Americans, Australians, Brits, or Germans. Ricardo Bartolome, a Spanish manager, told me
that he finds Americans to be very friendly on the surface, sometimes surprisingly so, but difficult to
get to know at a deeper level. “During a negotiation they are so politically correct and careful not to
show negative emotion,” he said. “It makes it hard for us to trust them.”

So in certain cultures you need to build an affective bond or emotional connection as early as
possible. Invest time in meals and drinks or tea, karaoke, golf, whatever it may be , and don’t talk
about the deal during these activities. Let your guard down and show your human side, including
your weaknesses. Demonstrate genuine interest in the other party and make a friend. Be patient: In
China, for example, this type of bond may take a long time to build. Eventually, you won’t have ust a
friend you’ll have a deal.

4. Avoid Yes-or-No Questions

At some point during your negotiation you’ll need to put a proposal on the table—and at that
moment you will expect to hear whether or not the other side accepts. One of the most confounding
aspects of international negotiations is that in some cultures the word “yes” may be used when the

30
real meaning is no. In other cultures “no” is the most frequent knee-jerk response, but it often means
“ et’s discuss further.” In either case, misunderstanding the message can lead to a waste of time or a
muddled setback.

A recent negotiation between a Danish company and its Indonesian supplier provides a case in point.
One of the Danish executives wanted reassurance that the Indonesians could meet the desired
deadline, so he asked them directly if the date was feasible. To his face they replied that it was, but a
few days later they informed the company by e-mail that it was not. The Danish executive was
aggrieved. “We’d already wasted weeks,” he says. “Why didn’t they tell us transparently during the
meeting? We felt they had lied to us point-blank.”

The problem can work the other way. The Indonesian manager went on to describe his experience
negotiating with a French company for the first time: “When I asked them if they could kindly do
something, the word ‘no’ flew out of their mouths—and not ust once but often more like a ‘no-no-
no-no,’ which feels to us like we are being slapped repeatedly.” He found out later that the French
were actually happy to accede to his request; they had just wanted to debate it a bit before final
agreement.

Look for Cultural Bridges

There’s no substitute for learning all you can about the culture you will be negotiating with. But
taking a cultural bridge—someone who is from the other culture, has a foot in both cultures, or, at
the very least, knows the other culture intimately—to the negotiating table will give you a head start.
Of course, if one party doesn’t speak English well, it’s common to have the help of a translator but a
cultural bridge can make a huge impact even if no linguistic divide exists. During breaks in the
negotiation, for example, you can ask this person to interpret what’s going on between the lines.
The British executive Sarah Stevens was leading a U.S. team negotiating a deal in Japan. The Japanese
parties all spoke English well, but three hours into the negotiation Stevens realized that her team was
doing 90% of the talking, which worried her. She asked a colleague from her company’s Japan office
for advice. He explained that the Japanese often pause to think before speaking—and that they don’t
find silence uncomfortable the way Americans or the British do. He advised Stevens to adopt the
Japanese approach: After asking a question, wait patiently and quietly for an answer. He also told her
that the Japanese often make decisions in groups, so they might need to confer before giving an
answer. If after a period of silence no clear answer had been given, Stevens might suggest a short
break so that they could have a sidebar.

In Japan, he said, it is common to iron out a lot of potential conflicts in one-on-one informal
discussions before the formal group meeting, which is seen more as a place to put a stamp on
decisions already made. This particular nugget came too late for that trip, but Stevens made sure the
next time to enable informal discussions in advance. Thanks to her cultural bridge, she got the deal
she had hoped for.

If your team has no obvious candidate for this role, look elsewhere in your company. But don’t make
the common mistake of thinking that someone who speaks the language and has a parent from the
culture will necessarily make a good cultural bridge.

Consider this British manager of Korean origin: He looked Korean, had a Korean name, and spoke
Korean with no accent, but he’d never lived or worked in Korea his parents had moved to Britain as
teenagers. His company asked him to help with an important negotiation in Korea, but once there, he
quickly realized that his team would have been better off without him. Because he spoke the
language so well, the Koreans assumed that he would behave like a Korean, so they took offense

31
when he spoke to the wrong person in the room and when he confronted them too directly. As he
observes, “If I hadn’t looked or sounded Korean, they would have forgiven me for behaving badly.”

When you need to know whether your counterpart is willing to do something, but his answer to
every question leaves you more confused than before, remember the fourth rule of cross-cultural
negotiations: If possible, avoid posing a yes-or-no question. Rather than “Will you do this?” try “How
long would it take you to get this done?” And when you do ask a yes-or-no question in Southeast
Asia, Japan, or Korea (perhaps also in India or Latin America), engage all your senses and emotional
antennae. Even if the response is affirmative, something may feel like no: an extra beat of silence, a
strong sucking in of the breath, a muttered “I will try, but it will be difficult.” If so, the deal is
probably not sealed. You may well have more negotiations in front of you.

5. Be Careful About Putting It in Writing

American managers learn early on to repeat key messages frequently and recap a meeting in writing.
“Tell them what you’re going to tell them, tell them, and then tell them what you’ve told them” is
one of the first communication lessons taught in the United States. In Northern Europe, too, clarity
and repetition are the basis of effective negotiation.

But this good practice can all too often sour during negotiations in Africa or Asia. A woman from
Burundi who was working for a Dutch company says, “In my culture, if we have a discussion on the
phone and come to a verbal agreement, that would be enough for me. If you get off the phone and
send me a written recap of the discussion, that would be a clear signal that you don’t trust me.” This,
she says, repeatedly caused difficulty for her company’s negotiators, who recapped each discussion
in writing as a matter of both habit and principle.

In emerging markets, everything is dynamic; no deal is ever really 100% final.

The difference in approach can make it difficult to write a contract. Americans rely heavily on written
contracts—more so than any other culture in the world. As soon as two parties have agreed on the
price and details, long documents outlining what will happen if the deal is not kept, and requiring
signatures, are exchanged. In the U.S. these contracts are legally binding and make it easy to do
business with people we otherwise have no reason to trust.

But in countries where the legal system is traditionally less reliable, and relationships carry more
weight in business, written contracts are less frequent. In these countries they are often a
commitment to do business but may not be legally binding. Therefore they’re less detailed and less
important. As one Nigerian manager explains, “If the moment we come to an agreement, you pull
out the contract and hand me a pen, I start to worry. Do you think I won’t follow through? Are you
trying to trap me?”

In Nigeria and many other high-growth markets where the business environment is rapidly evolving,
such as China and Indonesia, successful businesspeople must be much more flexible than is
necessary (or desirable) in the West. In these cultures, a contract marks the beginning of a
relationship, but it is understood that as the situation changes, the details of the agreement will also
change.

Consider the experience of John Wagner, an American who had been working out a deal with a
Chinese supplier. After several days of tough negotiations, his team and its legal department drafted
a contract that the Chinese seemed happy to sign. But about six weeks later they reopened
discussion on points that the Americans thought had been set in stone. Wagner observes, “I see now

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that we appeared irrationally inflexible to them. But at the time, we were hitting our heads against
our desks.” For the Americans, the contract had closed the negotiation phase, and implementation
would follow. But for the Chinese, signing the contract was just one step in the dance.

So the fifth and final rule for negotiating internationally is to proceed cautiously with the contract.
Ask your counterparts to draft the first version so that you can discern how much detail they are
planning to commit to before you plunk down a 20-page document for them to sign. And be ready to
revisit. When negotiating in emerging markets, remember that everything in these countries is
dynamic, and no deal is ever really 100% final.

Finally, don’t forget the universal rules: When you are negotiating a deal, you need to persuade and
react, to convince and finesse, pushing your points while working carefully toward an agreement. In
the heat of the discussion, what is spoken is important. But the trust you have built, the subtle
messages you have understood, your ability to adapt your demeanor to the context at hand, will
ultimately make the difference between success and failure—for Americans, for Chinese, for
Brazilians, for everybody.

A version of this article appeared in the December 2015 issue (pp.74–80) of Harvard Business Review.

Erin Meyer is a professor at INSEAD, where she directs the executive education program Leading
Across Borders and Cultures. She is the author of The Culture Map: Breaking Through the Invisible
Boundaries of Global Business (PublicAffairs, 2014). Twitter: @ErinMeyerINSEAD

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6. Article: Innovation Leadership Lessons from the
Marshmallow Challenge
by Scott D. Anthony
December 09, 2014

Imagine a room filled with 30 people, divided into six teams. Each team gets 20 sticks of
spaghetti, a yard of string, strips of scotch tape, and a single marshmallow. They have 18 minutes
to build a free-standing structure that will enable the marshmallow to rest on top. This is the so-
called marshmallow challenge, a staple of many design schools. It’s a great way to teach the
benefits of rapid prototyping. Our team at Innosight also uses it as a staple in leadership
development workshops.
Here’s why.
In an arresting seven-minute TED talk, Autodesk fellow Tom Wujec shares data suggesting that,
while the average team produces a tower with a height of about 20 inches, business school
students tend to significantly underperform the average.

I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Fresh-faced graduates gather together. They spend the first few
minutes trying to establish dominance. One emerges as a leader. The next few minutes are
devoted to planning. Construction begins, usually with less than eight minutes left on the clock.
Then, with about a minute to go, someone places the marshmallow on top of the beautiful
tower, and….it collapses.

While MBA students do poorly, kindergarteners beat the average. As the father of three young
children, this does not surprise me. Children don’t dither they simply try something. And if it
doesn’t work, they try again. Sure, groups can sometimes descend into chaos (the teacher in my
six-year-old daughter Holly’s first-grade class gives teams unlimited marshmallows because she’s
worried someone will eat the single one before the tower is constructed), but the results can be
stunning.

What’s the lesson here? It’s hard to escape the conclusion that we all begin with creativity and
curiosity, which too many of us systematically unlearn as we go through the education system
and scale up the corporate ladder.

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Still, teams made up of CEOs do better than the aspiring MBAs, though it’s not clear why.
Perhaps they started from a much higher base, but it is also possible that people who make it to
the top find a way to recover at least some of that innate curiosity. And they beat the
kindergartners when they’re paired with their executive administrators. This result fits with many
researchers’ consistent findings that that innovation happens most often when different mind-
sets and skills collide.

What these findings show us is that if it’s possible to suppress your innate urge to be creative and
curious, it’s also possible to unleash it again. One way to tap into your inner kindergartner is to
adopt what a Zen master would call “a beginner’s mind.” That is, to put yourself in situations
where you don’t know the answer and don’t have the skills to find it. At work that might involve
volunteering for a new-product launch or taking an assignment in a new country. Outside work
that could mean learning a new language or picking up a new musical instrument.

Another is to take a hard look at the nature of your associates and networks. If you’re like most
people, your network will tend to be filled with people of the same background, who went to the
same sorts of schools, who are in the same industry. Diversifying requires taking deliberate steps.
Ask yourself: Do you have any mentors that are 20 years older than you are? Or 20 years
younger? How many of your regular associates are artists, novelists, or entrepreneurs, who
routinely deal with ambiguity? How many people do you know who’ve grown up in a different
country, or even better, naturally think biculturally because they’ve lived in more than one? How
many do you know outside your or your spouse’s field?

There’s a simple way to start diversifying your network immediately, without leaving your
building: go hug an alien. This advice was given to me from software entrepreneur Donna
Auguste when we sat together on a board that was helping a newspaper company assess
investments in innovation projects. What she was talking about were not real aliens, of course,
but social ones — the people and every company has them who don’t quite fit in – the ones
who make weird comments during meetings, who eat lunch alone, and are generally shunned.

These people, who so often fill us with fear of social stigma (What was life like for them in high
school !?!) – can often be vital sources for creative insight. Next time you’re in the lunch room,
sit down next to one of those solitary diners, and ask him or her what’s new. Odds are it will be
something you’re not currently thinking about. Odds are high as well, that when you are
confronting a tough innovation challenge, it will be some odd-ball comment from one of these
people that will point you in a new direction.

It’s reasonable to assume that leaders will confront more, not less, ambiguity in the future. The
best way to prepare is to seek every opportunity to plunge into chaos and radically diversify your
innovation network. At the very worst, it could help you build a marshmallow tower that beats
Holly’s.

Scott D. Anthony is a clinical professor at Dartmouth College’s Tuck School of Business, a senior
partner at Innosight, and the lead author of Eat, Sleep, Innovate (2020) and Dual
Transformation (2017).

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 7. Effective team work: team Charter

TEAM CANVAS 1

1. TEAM MEMBERS : Who is on the bus and what will each person individually bring to the
team: e.g., role, personal core value, skills, personal slogan, character trait?
2. DRIVER: Who is behind the wheel? Who is navigating?
3. EXPECTATIONS: What do the team members expect from each other in order to be
successful?
4. TEAM VALUES: What are the values the team lives by? Are these values recognized by
all team members?
5. SLOGAN: What is the slogan you want to have on your bus? Is there anything that stands
out and is recognizable for others?
6. OBSTACLES: What could prevent the team from working together fruitfully and reaching
their goal?
7. ENERGY SOURCES: What generates energy in the group? What gets everybody running
and going for the best results?
8. TEAM GOAL: What is the goal the team wants to reach? When are all the team efforts
successful?
9. TROUBLE: What will you do when the shit hits the “van”?

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TEAM CANVAS 2: STEP BY STEP GUIDE TO DRAWING UP YOUR TEAM CHARTER

1 before you start

Arrange for a comfortable environment. Surely not a meeting room. Let everyone do a short
introduction. The person speaking should be standing. Another way is to have everybody make one
simple visual of who they are, what is important for them, and what they strive for. This is a great
way to getting to know each other and for breaking the ice!
• Have markers (fine tip) and paper for everybody
• Print or draw the canvas on a big sheet of paper
• Have plenty of sticky notes and markers ready
• Allow yourself 45-60 minutes of undisturbed time
2 "hello, my name is..."
As mentioned it is very important that everybody is introduced properly, that people know
what everybody's expectations are (why they are in the room) and that there is a relaxed
atmosphere. If there are things preventing this, make sure they are dealt with upfront.
3 back in the van y'all
Ask every team member where they want to sit in the bus. If someone wants to sit in the
driver’s seat. That's great! More room for you as a facilitator to facilitate!
4 individual
Individually people need to write on sticky notes what their expectations are (max 3), what
they see as obstacles (max 3), their 1 most important value, and what will give them energy.
Also each should write down the most important value they want to add to the group.
Tip! There is no right or wrong. It is about finding the common ground and goals of the team.
5 review
Take a step back and have a discussion about the values expectations, values, energy
sources, and obstacles. Again it is not a discussion about right or wrong, but about making
sure they all can identify themselves with what is put on the charter. Either the team as a
whole will come up with common input. If not, the sum of the sticky notes is what the team
represents.
Tip! Focus on one subject at a time. When every member has explained their input, only then
move to the next topic.
6 identify common themes
When clustering the sticky notes per topic. Overarching themes may arise. This is great, but
should not be forced. Don't try to be too practical here as a facilitator.
Tip! Being too practical is dangerous, you might overrule someone’s personal input.
Challenge all members to be explicit. No buzzwords. If it's unclear it will not serve the team.
7 team goals
Now that everything is filled in an everybody recognizes themselves as an acknowledged and
valued team member, let's fill in the team goals! The team should discuss and come up with
a maximum of 3 goals. Make sure they are not all directly related to their functional goal.
8 next steps
After the session is finished, have all team members sign the team charter canvas. It is their
contract amongst each other to make the team successful.
Tip! Visualising the finished charter together will make the coherency even bigger, together
with the commitment towards the eye-popping end result.

Checklist:
1. Take a snapshot picture of your team charter;
2. Make sure every member has it as a reference;
3. In times of trouble: refer to the charter

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 8. Regulating skills

Before starting the real discussion, be sure you be clear on three points:
1. The topic
2. The purpose of the meeting
3. The procedure
4. The time you think you need or is available

Check
Check whether the client understands and agrees with the purpose of the meeting. This way your
client commits him/herself to this purpose.

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9. Active Listening (article): Hear What People are Really Saying
Listening is one of the most important skills you can have. How well you listen has a major impact on
your job effectiveness, and on the quality of your relationships with others.
• We listen to obtain information
• We listen to understand
• We listen for enjoyment
• We listen to learn

Given all this listening we do, you would think we'd be good at it! In fact most of us are not, and
research suggests that we remember between 25 percent and 50 percent of what we hear. That
means that when you talk to your boss, colleagues, customers or spouse for 10 minutes, they pay
attention to less than half of the conversation. This is dismal! Turn it around and it reveals that when
you are receiving directions or being presented with information, you aren't hearing the whole
message either. You hope the important parts are captured in your 25-50 percent, but what if they're
not?

Clearly, listening is a skill that we can all benefit from improving. By becoming a better listener, you
will improve your productivity, as well as your ability to influence, persuade and negotiate. What's
more, you'll avoid conflict and misunderstandings. All of these are necessary for workplace success!

Tip:
Good communication skills require a high level of self-awareness. By understanding your personal
style of communicating, you will go a long way towards creating good and lasting impressions with
others.

About Active Listening

The way to become a better listener is to practice "active listening." This is where you make a
conscious effort to hear not only the words that another person is saying but, more importantly, try
to understand the complete message being sent. In order to do this you must pay attention to the
other person very carefully. You cannot allow yourself to become distracted by whatever else may be
going on around you, or by forming counter arguments that you'll make when the other person stops
speaking. Nor can you allow yourself to get bored, and lose focus on what the other person is saying.
All of these contribute to a lack of listening and understanding.

Tip:
If you're finding it particularly difficult to concentrate on what someone is saying, try repeating their
words mentally as they say them – this will reinforce their message and help you stay focused. To
enhance your listening skills, you need to let the other person know that you are listening to what he
or she is saying. To understand the importance of this, ask yourself if you've ever been engaged in a
conversation when you wondered if the other person was listening to what you were saying. You
wonder if your message is getting across, or if it's even worthwhile continuing to speak. It feels like
talking to a brick wall and it's something you want to avoid.

Acknowledgement can be something as simple as a nod of the head or a simple "uh huh." You aren't
necessarily agreeing with the person, you are simply indicating that you are listening. Using body
language and other signs to acknowledge you are listening also reminds you to pay attention and not
let your mind wander. You should also try to respond to the speaker in a way that will both

39
encourage him or her to continue speaking, so that you can get the information if you need. While
nodding and "uh huhing" says you're interested, an occasional question or comment to recap what
has been said communicates that you understand the message as well.

Becoming an Active Listener

There are five key elements of active listening. They all help you ensure that you hear the other
person, and that the other person knows you are hearing what they say.

1. Pay Attention
Give the speaker your undivided attention, and acknowledge the message. Recognize that
non-verbal communication also "speaks" loudly.
• Look at the speaker directly.
• Put aside distracting thoughts.
• Don't mentally prepare a rebuttal!
• Avoid being distracted by environmental factors. For example, side conversations.
• "Listen" to the speaker's body language.

2. Show That You're Listening

Use your own body language and gestures to convey your attention.
• Nod occasionally.
• Smile and use other facial expressions.
• Note your posture and make sure it is open and inviting.
• Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like yes, and uh huh.

3. Provide Feedback
Our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear. As a
listener, your role is to understand what is being said. This may require you to reflect what is
being said and ask questions.
• Reflect what has been said by paraphrasing. "What I'm hearing is," and "Sounds like
you are saying," are great ways to reflect back.
• Ask questions to clarify certain points. "What do you mean when you say." "Is this
what you mean?"
• Summarize the speaker's comments periodically.

Tip:
If you find yourself responding emotionally to what someone said, say so, and ask for more
information: "I may not be understanding you correctly, and I find myself taking what you
said personally. What I thought you just said is XXX; is that what you meant?"

4. Defer Judgment
Interrupting is a waste of time. It frustrates the speaker and limits full understanding of the
message.
• Allow the speaker to finish each point before asking questions.
• Don't interrupt with counter arguments.

5. Respond Appropriately

Active listening is a model for respect and understanding. You are gaining information and
perspective. You add nothing by attacking the speaker or otherwise putting him or her down.

40
 • Be candid, open, and honest in your response.
• Assert your opinions respectfully.
• Treat the other person in a way that you think he or she would want to be treated.

Key Points

It takes a lot of concentration and determination to be an active listener. Old habits are hard to
break, and if your listening habits are as bad as many people's are, then there's a lot of habit-
breaking to do!

Be deliberate with your listening and remind yourself frequently that your goal is to truly hear what
the other person is saying. Set aside all other thoughts and behaviors and concentrate on the
message. Ask questions, reflect, and paraphrase to ensure you understand the message. If you don't,
then you'll find that what someone says to you and what you hear can be amazingly different!

Start using active listening today to become a better communicator, improve your workplace
productivity, and develop better relationships.

From: Mind Tools Essential skills for an excellent career

http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm

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10. The 12 Blocks to Active Listening
Updated: Sep 29, 2019
https://www.youniversetherapy.com/post/the-12-blocks-to-active-listening

Communication is central to any type of interaction and relationship. Most relationship problems can
be overcome if individuals improve their communication skills, and replace passive, aggressive and
passive-aggressive communication with more assertiveness.

What we often fail to comprehend is that active and assertive listening is THE most important
communication skill. In fact, we usually put more effort in how we can get our point across and
become more assertive in what we ask and express, than actually realize the significance of our
listening skills. We tend to forget that communication is a mutual process of listening to the other
and expressing ourselves.

Today our focus will be what prevents us from listening actively and attentively. By recognizing the
12 blocks to listening and realizing when we engage in those, we can subsequently improve our
listening skills. This will inevitably bring positive changes in the way we communicate with others.
After all, listening does mean not just hearing with our ears, but actively being mindful and attentive
of what is being expressed, so that we first understand it fully. You are what you listen to- and this
does not only apply to music!

The 12 Blocks to Active Listening

If you often find yourself in situations that you cannot communicate with someone properly, maybe
you are also not listening properly. Of course it is understandable that we cannot always give our full
attention to whoever is talking to us- yet understanding what prevents us from doing so is a first step
in making necessary adjustments in order to improve our communication. et’s look at 12 common
blocks to listening.

1. Mind Reading
Have you ever caught yourself drifting away from what the other person is saying, because you are
already making an assumption in your mind about what they will say? Although this is to some extent
natural and automatic in many conversations, and it may suggest that you understand the other
quite well so that you can already guess what they’re about to say, mind reading can become an
obstacle in your communication with others. The reason for this is, the more time you invest in trying
to figure out what will be said next, the less involved you are with the present moment and the other
person. After all, no matter how well you know and understand your conversational partner, you are
not really in their head- so it is beneficial to actually listen to them rather than presuming you know
their next sentence before they utter it.

2. Rehearsing
We can all be guilty of this occasionally; rehearsing means preparing what you will respond next,
before your partner has finished talking. This can often be accompanied by interrupting the other, to
say what popped in your mind- which can take a negative turn quite easily, because interrupting is
regarded as quite offensive and aggressive and can trigger a defensive attitude of the other person.
Then your focus is on constructing your next argument, not on the person talking to you.

Consequently, you focus on yourself and not the other- but listening is all about the other.
It can therefore be worthwhile to pay close attention to them for a bit- it won't be long until you also
have a chance to speak. In addition, the more attentively you listen, the better you will absorb and
understand the other's message- so the more authentic you can be in your response.

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3. Filtering
Filtering means having selective attention only to certain types of information, and letting your mind
drift away otherwise. We tend to use filtering when we want to ensure we are not threatened, or
when we expect or wish to hear specific things from the other. For instance, if you feel you are in
danger if the other becomes upset, your attention may be more tuned to cues of increased emotion
of the other. If the threatening cue is not present, then you can be distracted by your own thoughts
and lose concentration. Understandably, this is a block to effective communication because you do
not receive the whole message of whatever the other wants to say- only fragments of it. You
basically hear only what you want to hear.

4. Judging
Judging means having a negative opinion that is already firmly established about the other person, or
making negative criticism in your mind about what they are saying. By making judgements or
assessing that the other person is not worth listening to, you close yourself from actually hearing
what they have to say. Being open and flexible is always an advantage in communication.

5. Daydreaming
Something the other just said triggered a memory, image or thought in your mind- and then you got
carried away on your train of thought. You know how it goes, one thought let to another, and
another, and off you go! Suddenly you are disconnected from your partner, lost in your own mind,
drifting away. Or you simply lost interest and therefore concentration. Often when you return to the
conversation, you have absolutely no idea of what has been said so far. You may feel confused or
awkward. This can be very embarrassing in some occasions, especially when you ask a question
about something that has already been expressed while you were off somewhere far. It is quite
obvious that such a thing is disrespectful to the other person.

6. Advising
I have often heard this as a complaint from women about their male romantic partners: a woman
wants to express herself, just vent, and the partner who is usually more practical and likes to solve
problems, offers solution or advise. Of course it does not only apply to men.

If you tend to do this, maybe you are a wonderful problem-solver and your advice is really valuable
and thoughtful. Maybe you have the very best intentions and sincerely want to help out the person
who is talking to you. Yet unsolicited advice can be quite annoying to the speaker.
Most of the times, when a person is talking, what they mostly want is to be listened to and
understood. If they request your opinion or advice, then you can gladly offer this to them- otherwise,
it is much preferable to resist the urge to offer advice, and instead give them the most precious gift
you can, at the moment: your undivided attention.

7. Sparring
Sparring means being absolute, argumentative, and willing to convince the other about your own
opinion being better/ more correct than theirs. It is absolutely fine if you disagree with what is being
said by the other. However sparring means making very snap judgements, and becoming competitive
in conversation with the other. It can often turn into an argument, because your partner does not
feel listened to, but rather cornered and ready to defend their position.

Remember, communication is not about convincing someone else to change their point of view. It is
not necessary to turn every conversation into an argument. Even if you disagree with the point of the
other, there is a right way to express this without offending the other and putting them in a position
of defense. It is better to allow the other to fully express what’s in their mind first, and maintain a
sense of peace and safety in the conversation. If you tend to do this, you may realize it by the

43
attitude of the other: if they seem emotional, defensive and upset and start saying things such as
“This is not what I meant”/ “You misunderstood me” etc , it is likely you are taken over by sparring.

8. Being Right
If being right is obstructing you from listening and therefore communicating properly, this means you
are mostly concerned about being right, and there is no way you can be wrong. Alternatively, maybe
you like to always have the last word in a conversation. This tendency can often occur with
aggressive communication style- if your buttons are pushed, you are quick to offend, criticize and
undermine the other.

Another manifestation of this block, is resisting and ignoring any communication that feels critical to
you and suggests something about you should change. If you have difficulty receiving criticism and
immediately get aggressive to any such attempt, it may feel inconceivable or very threatening to you
to admit that there is always room for improvement. Being able to accept constructive criticism and
evaluate it is very valuable.

Although how others feel and think about us can be a reflection of themselves, maybe indeed there
is a particle of truth in what the other is saying about you. Listen carefully, even if it can be painful.
Resist your urge to fight back, listen and evaluate. Communication does not necessarily involve one
who is right and one who is wrong. It is all about allowing for different perspectives to be expressed.
You don’t always have to be right. You are you, and the other should be allowed to be themselves.

9. Derailing
Derailing means going off the rails- changing the subject rapidly, or interrupting the other so that you
can speak. The metaphorical definition of derailing is “obstruct a process by diverting it from its
intended course”. Understandably, you may not be comfortable to talk about any topic at any time.
Maybe you just don’t feel in the mood or mentally prepared about delving into a specific topic. And
that’s ok. What’s not ok, is changing the subject suddenly. This gives the message to the other that
what they are saying doesn’t really matter to you, that it is not important or interesting. This is
disrespectful, and corresponds to all communication styles except for the assertive.

A viable assertive alternative would be to directly and assertively express to the other that this is not
a good moment to discuss this issue, that you do not feel like it, as well as offer an alternative for a
different time. Changing the subject can be very rejective to the other. If you value your
relationships, it is great to become conscious of this tendency and try to replace it with a more polite,
considerate and assertive approach.

10. Placating
Placating means agreeing too much and too quickly and giving too many assenting comments and
body language in a conversation, giving too many “Uh-uh”, “I see”, “I understand”. Yes, you want to
appear as understanding and supportive, you want the other person to like you, you want to please
the other person so you offer too much verbal and non-verbal encouragement. That's all good. But
overdoing it can look non-authentic, as if you are pretending in a conversation, and sometimes the
energy you invest in offering this encouragement can be obstructive to actual effective listening.

11. Comparing
While talking to the other, you constantly try to assess who is better and smarter- you or the other.
You constantly compare yourself to the other. This reflects low self-esteem and self-worth; it is not
about comparing yourself to the other, but giving them your full attention and understanding.
We are all different, there is no need for comparisons and such evaluations during a conversation,
because this undermines the point of being in communication- understanding each other.

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12. Identifying
Identifying means reflecting what the other person says to your own experience.
Although this is helpful in order for us to understand the other’s point of view and really get into
their position, it is also distracting. Simply because you shift your attention away from your speaker
and onto yourself.

Do you tend to think of how what the other person is saying applies to you personally, and offer your
realization to them? “Oh yes, I understand, this had also happened to me that one time…” and then
you start your own story. Often interrupting the other, and not giving them the space to complete
their story. Communication is not all about you- but about the other, too. There is time to go to your
story later, or another time.

Guilty as Charged? That's Great!

Do you recognize any of these blocks to listening in your communication with others?
Each of them can severely impede effective listening. When two or more of these blocks are present
in a conversation, the purpose of communication, that is the exchange of information and transfer of
a message, is significantly hindered, which can result in a communication breakdown.
When communication fails, relationships deteriorate- therefore if you want to accomplish any
positive change to your personal and professional relationships, the very first focus should be
communication.

Becoming mindful and conscious of whenever you are not an attentive listener is a great first step.
Then you are more likely to be able to stop yourself from the urge to engage in any of these blocks.
Remember, the greatest gift you can give to another in conversation is your full presence and
undivided attention. Even if it’s challenging to change established communication patterns, change is
possible.

Mindfulness is the answer- you observe yourself, assess whether any of these blocks are present,
resist your urge to behave as usual and return your attention back to your conversation partner.

As with anything else, practice makes perfect. With conscious effort, you can gradually master your
listening skills and reap the benefits in your communication with others.

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11. Active listening (question types)

1. Question Types
• Open questions
These are useful in getting another person to speak. They often begin with the words: What,
Why, When, Who. Sometimes they are statements: “tell me about”, “give me examples of”.
They can provide you with a good deal of information.
• Closed and semi-closed questions
These are questions that require a yes or no answer and are useful for checking facts.
Caution: too many closed questions may cause the discussion or debate to sound like an
interview. Semi-closed: to what extent …
• Probing questions
These check for more detail or clarification. Probing questions allow you to explore specific
areas. See examples in text below.
• Hypothetical questions
These pose a theoretical situation in the future. For example, “What would you do if…?’
These can be used to get others to think of new situations. They can also be used in
interviews to find out how people might cope with new situations.
• Reflective questions
You can use these to reflect back what you think a speaker has said, to check understanding.
You can also reflect the speaker’s feelings, which is useful in dealing with angry or difficult
people and for defusing emotional situations. For example, “You don’t seem to like this?”
• Leading questions = Suggestive questions
These are used to gain acceptance of your view – they are not useful in providing honest
views and opinions. If you say to someone ‘You will be able to cope, won’t you?’, they may
not like to disagree.

You can use a series of different type of questions to “funnel” information. This is a way of
structuring information in sequence to explore a topic and to get to the heart of the issues. You may
use an open question, followed by a probing question, then a specific question and a reflective
question.

2. Probing techniques:
1. Repeat your question
Useful when the other person seems to has lost track of his own answer. Beware: do not do this
too soon, the other person may need some time to think.
2. Repeat or paraphrase the answer
Briefly repeat the answer in your own words and phrase it as a question: “If I understand you
correctly, …..?” This may serve as a check for the interviewee on his own story. Also as a check for
the interviewer on his own understanding and to prevent incorrect interpretations. You may
paraphrase at every point in the answer.
3. Summarize the answer
When the other person has completed their answer. Summarizing is also a way to show your
interest in their answer. Thirdly, it serves as a bridge before embarking on a new topic or
question.
4. General probing
Inviting the other person to tell you more: “What do you mean? Can you elaborate a bit more?
What else is relevant here?”
5. Focused probing

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 Inviting the other person to provide you with more details: “When was this? Who else were
involved? How did you actually do that? What happened next?”
6. Reflecting
Sometimes an person expresses emotions directly or indirectly. By reflecting in an interrogative
tone, you draw attention to these emotions and you show that you have noticed them: “You
don’t seem to like this at all? You seem quite proud of this! You seem very committed to this
team?”
7. Non-verbal probing
Remaining silent when a person has stopped talking may help them proceed or concentrate.
Keep on giving the other person your attention by making eye contact, showing an active
listening posture and nodding in agreement or encouragement.

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12. Article: Feedback through cultural looking glass
By Carina Solbach

We take a deep dive into feedback across cultures and offer you concrete examples of how different
nationalities give feedback. As a practical take-away, we present five steps which will help you give
feedback in a multicultural context.

Feedback is a gift. Sometimes, however, this can be difficult to see - even within our own cultural
context. But when we venture across cultural frontiers, the metaphorical gift often turns into a slap
in the face. This is particularly true when it comes to “critical feedback.”

Taking a closer look at this feedback phenomenon, is giving feedback the same in, let’s say, France,
the USA or India? Definitely non, not, and nahi!

Exploring feedback through the cultural looking glass, we can see that our cultural context strongly
shapes the way we communicate. While the intention behind the message may be the same, the
wrapping changes. And this wrapping has many different colours and textures.

Some cultures believe in the instrumental style when giving feedback - leaving the sender fully
responsible for making himself understood. This often leads to the use of upgraders, such as
completely, entirely, totally, to ensure that the key message is clear: “This statement is totally
unclear,” “You are completely unable to adapt your feedback to different cultural contexts.”
Countries that favour the instrumental style are, for example, the Netherlands, Germany, Sweden
and Denmark. In contrast, other cultures, such as Arabic or Asian countries, follow a more affective
style, placing the burden of understanding entirely on the receiver. The sender therefore makes use
of downgraders (slightly, a little, minor) to soften the message and leave room for the receiver to
read between the lines.

Another way to understand feedback in different cultures is to use the image of a hamburger. In the
hamburger method, the critical feedback or "the patty," is surrounded by two positive statements or
"the buns." While some cultures (e.g. USA, Canada or Great Britain) prefer to give their feedback
burger this way, other cultures get rid of the carbs and present the meat alone (e.g. the Netherlands,
Germany), or choose the vegetarian option (e.g. Japan, China).

This isn’t a problem per se when feedback is given and interpreted through the same cultural lens.
The polite, indirect approach to feedback present in many Asian cultures will seem just as clear and
direct to another Asian. The trouble starts when we read another person’s feedback using our own
cultural frame of reference. Suddenly, a Dutch person can feel like a bull in a China shop if he
continues to give his feedback as he would in the Netherlands. And let’s not forget the other side.
Their feedback may often seem rude or lead to loss of face, or even feelings of personal attack, which
will likely result in decreased motivation.

Examples from around the world

Given that an example is often worth more than a thousand explanations, let’s take a deep dive into
feedback across cultures. Imagine the following situation: a colleague has asked you to review his
report and to provide him with your feedback. In your opinion, the management summary is
excellent. However, the second chapter containing the analysis lacks structure and body. Of course,
culture is multifaceted and more complex than national culture alone. These examples are therefore,
to a certain extent, generalisations or exaggerations of tendencies and quirks.

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 As a Dutch person, you will be very direct, as honesty and transparency are key
for you. Therefore, your feedback would sound somewhat like this: “The analysis completely lacks
structure and body.”

As a German, you say it as it is, trying to make a connection to a body of expertise or knowledge.
Your feedback would be: “What are your findings from the analysis? Which approach did you use? It

doesn’t come across due to a lack of structure.”

As an English person, you will wrap your feedback in a jacket of politeness, topped
with a collar of indirectness. Your feedback would therefore be something along the lines of: “I would
consider taking a look at the structure of the analysis. But that’s ust my opinion.”

As an American, you are trained to focus on the positive. Your real feedback is found more in what is
not being said. Hence, you would say something like: “You did a particularly great job with the

management summary.”

As a French person, in order to maintain a positive relationship, you tend to look

for the rules or the standard the other person has deviated from, instead of addressing the behaviour
directly. Your feedback would therefore sound close to: “According to book x, the structure of an
analysis should be….”

Finally, as an Asian person, for example a Chinese person, you would want to help
the other person keep face and you therefore blur your message or avoid communicating your
feedback to the person at all. You might therefore give your feedback to another colleague who you
know will pass it on to the person in question, or you might address the issue of structure to the
whole team “As a team, we might benefit from learning the best way to structure an analysis report."
So how can we avoid falling into the trap of miscommunication, which might damage the relationship
and prevent us from achieving our desired business results?

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Here are five steps to successfully giving (critical) feedback across cultures:
1. Stop and reflect. Feedback should always be focused on helping the other person. So before
we give any kind of feedback it is important to consider whether we are giving it with the
right intentions. If we just want to "vomit" our opinion or if we expect an immediate change
in behaviour, we should either decide to practice self-discipline or formulate our feedback as
a direct request for change.

2. Discover your own filter and culture. Listen carefully to how those around you give each
other feedback and consider how you would like to receive feedback (when do you feel
attacked, when does feedback feel valuable). Awareness of your personal cultural wrapping
will make it easier to adapt to another cultural context.

3. Discover the cultural code. Preparation is key. Studying and observing the culture and social
interactions of the "host country" will allow you to identify similarities and differences. It
helps to have a native mentor that can answer all your questions.

4. Find common ground. You don’t have to change your style 100%. Sometimes small
adjustments are enough to show that you are making an effort. Check with your mentor to
see whether you’re on the right track.

5. Have fun! Did you fall back into old habits? No worries. Laughing at yourself, apologising and
explaining your intentions can work wonders and will likely help others to sympathise with
you.

Sources: Giving feedback across cultures

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