INSPIRED SELLING

with

NLP
Putting Purpose, Passion and Performance back into selling
INSPIRED SELLING with NLP i

NEW OCEANS

INSPIRED SELLING with NLP

ii

INSPIRED SELLING with NLP

NEW OCEANS
Inspired Selling Series

INSPIRED SELLING with NLP

iii

INSPIRED SELLING with NLP

NEW OCEANS
Inspired Selling Series
NO 005/B1
First Edition January 2006 Second Edition June 2008 Printed and bound in the UK by NEW OCEANS PUBLISHING New Oceans have asserted their rights under the Copyright, Designs and Patents act 1988 to be identified as the authors of this work. All rights reserved in all media. This book may not be copied, stored, transmitted or reproduced in any format or medium without specific prior permission of the copyright owners. Contact New Oceans for information about multiple licenses, library copies and review copies.

NEW OCEANS New Oceans House 39 Jennings Road St Albans, Herts, AL1 4NX, UK Tel: (44) (0)1727 869782 www.new-oceans.co.uk [email protected] INSPIRED SELLING with NLP iv

CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION 7 Basic Questions To Ask Yourself 8 Qualities of a Sales Person 8 Qualities of a Sales Manager 6 Applications of NLP For Sales 7 Beliefs of Great Communicators 9 Skills For Good Communicators 7 Steps to Supreme Communication 7 Steps To Creating Compelling Goals/Outcomes 5 Secrets To Reading Peoples Minds 7 Ways For Behavioural Flexibility 5 Ways To Change Your State 7 Steps To Anchoring States 4 Wisdom Perspectives 7 Steps To Dealing With Difficult People 7 Levels Of Rapport 7x3 Presuppositions for Inspired Selling 7 Key People Patterns - Meta Programs 3 Communication Secrets 7 More People Patterns 6 Meta Programs & Sales Tips 5 Meta Programs & Negotiating Tips 7 Sales Skills To Improve Upon 5 Presenter Skills 5 Pillars of NLP 7 NLP Presuppositions An NLP Sampler About New Oceans Notes 1 2 3 4 5 7 8 9 10 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 20 23 25 29 31 34 37 39 40 42 44 45

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Introduction
So you're in Sales: and not just IN sales, youre pretty damned good at it! Yet you still sense that you could be even better, if you only knew what was the difference that would make the difference. This little book of the 'Magic 7 Sales Tips' for success addresses that challenge, and gives you the 'how' that will take you from being a contender to being a champion in your workscape and workscope. Here you will discover how to enhance your performance in meetings, negotiations, and presentations; influence, lead, empower, and motivate others; enhance your personal effectiveness in communicating, and in managing, other people; create compelling goals; access your personal state of excellence, and achieve a resourceful state in clients, customers, and colleagues; gather specific high quality information from people and use it to achieve outcomes; and develop your creativity and flexibility. We'll help you dare to make your targets and your dreams reality, to be a champion. And champions, as Muhammad Ali said, "aren't made in gyms. They are made from something deep inside - a desire, a dream, a vision!". He also said, "My toughest opponent has always been me!". So whatever has been holding you back, preventing you from achieving your full potential, the change must start from inside you. Remember - whatever you're selling, ultimately it's YOU the customer is buying! So let's begin with our first 7 + or - 2 list..................

INSPIRED SELLING with NLP

7 BASIC QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF

1. What am I really good at, what's the Unique Selling Point about ME?
(ask yourself 7 times)

2. What are my clients really buying?

(ask yourself 7 times)

3. What am I really selling?

(ask yourself 7 times)

4. Why should people buy from me? 5. What is the single biggest limiting stereotype my prospects have about my service? 6. What can I do to put it right? 7. If I now write just one compelling sentence about why my clients should buy from me instead of someone else, what will I write?

INSPIRED SELLING with NLP

8 Qualities of a Sales Person

The Success Wheel is a way of highlighting those areas of your sales talents that may need more attention. Follow the instruction to rate your level of competence in the following areas. The centre of the wheel represents the lowest score of 1, the outside of the wheel has the highest competency rating of 10. Put a cross between 1 10 on the numbered lines; each one representing a key skill for sales success. Now connect your scores in a circular shape; or as close to a circle/wheel shape as it gets. To find the areas that need attention.

INSPIRED SELLING with NLP

8 qualities of a Sales Manager

The Success Wheel is a way of highlighting those areas of your sales talents that may need more attention. Follow the instruction to rate your level of competence in the following areas. The centre of the wheel represents the lowest score of 1, the outside of the wheel has the highest competency rating of 10. Put a cross between 1 10 on the numbered lines; each one representing a key skill for sales success. Now connect your scores in a circular shape; or as close to a circle/wheel shape as it gets. To find the areas that need attention.

INSPIRED SELLING with NLP

6 Applications of NLP for Sales

New Oceans NLP training provides numerous benefits for salespeople. The key areas outlined below enable sales professionals to: improve your communication and negotiation skills maintain peak performance persuade and influence your clients more effectively and therefore obtain outstanding results in a short period of time.

1. Rapport
Rapport is the most important ingredient in any successful business relationship. Without rapport, your client, colleague or business partner will often feel annoyed, pressured, mistrusting, not listened to or simply put off. NLP teaches how to quickly build rapport with anyone to establish a positive ongoing business relationship, bypassing the first and biggest obstacle faced by most salespeople. By matching the speed and tone of voice, language structure and body language used by a client, rapport is built quickly and maintained easily. Rapport allows the development of trusting, ongoing, win/win relationships.

2. Representational Systems
Of the three major communication styles (based on the Visual, Auditory and Kinaesthetic representational systems), most people use one style more heavily and more naturally than the other two. As an NLP-trained salesperson, youll be able to assess which style a client is most comfortable with and adjust your own style to match it. This produces a profound improvement in communication effectiveness and the level of rapport with the client.

3. Listening for Meta-Programs and Strategies

NLP teaches a different way of listening to people so that we can really hear what they are telling us. By discovering a clients strategies, you can determine how a sale or business transaction needs to be structured for them to feel comfortable about proceeding. For example: their buying strategy, decision-making strategy and convincer strategy will tell you things such as whether they buy impulsively or require a certain number of conversations before they are ready to buy. Salespeople who lack NLP training often make the mistake of instinctively using a sales approach to suit their own buying strategy, which may be very different to their clients buying strategy. Being able to detect a clients meta-programs means that you can present them with sales information in the best way for them. E.g. a predominantly visual person would need to see the information in written form or a visual presentation, while a INSPIRED SELLING with NLP 5

predominantly kinaesthetic person would benefit most from a hands-on trial or testdrive. You can also discover a clients frames of reference to better understand their decision-making process. For example, a client with an external frame of reference will probably need to talk to a satisfied client or talk their decision over with someone else. If a client has an internal frame of reference, youll be able to detect this and know that they wont need to consult a third party to make their decision, because they trust their own judgement.

4. Values /Outcomes/Motivation
Using NLP techniques, you can elicit a clients values (whats important to them) and then link your product or service back to these values. This is the single most important step that convinces a person to agree or buy. This approach is also highly effective in non-sales negotiations. People are motivated in different ways and by different things. The two main ways we are motivated are: towards a goal or result that we want to achieve (e.g. winning an award, earning a bonus) away from a situation or thing we dont want (e.g. having no money, losing our job) Having our motivations out of balance will lead to inconsistent performance: peaks and troughs in sales results. New Oceans NLP provides a number of skills to assess and adjust motivations in order to produce better and more consistent sales results.

5. Beliefs
With NLP you can uncover the hidden beliefs that salespeople have, some of which may be sabotaging their results and success (e.g. the market is down and its affecting everyone in this business, no one will ever buy from me, cold calling never works). Powerful belief change techniques enable salespeople to replace such limiting beliefs with positive, empowering ones that will deliver an immediate, measurable increase in sales results. As they replace their limiting beliefs, salespeople become much more positive and motivated towards their goals.

6. State Management
Any successful person in business or sales will confirm that they must be in an empowered, positive, resourceful state to achieve their goals. NLP teaches us how to identify and access the most resourceful states easily, so that the process is almost automatic. This will greatly reduce the number of bad days you experience and fast-track your success.

INSPIRED SELLING with NLP

7 BELIEFS OF GREAT COMMUNICATORS

Selling is about communicating

1. Everyone has their own unique model of the world 2. In order to have rapport with another person, it is essential to respect their model of the world. 3. The meaning of the communication is the response you get. 4. We simultaneously communicate at unconscious and conscious levels. 5. You cannot not communicate. 6. There is no failure, only feedback. 7. Resistance in a person is a sign of lack of rapport: there are no resistant people, only inflexible communicators

INSPIRED SELLING with NLP

9 skills for good communications

People who are skilled at influencing others usually do some or all of the following:
1.

STATE: Get themselves in the best possible emotional and mental state.
invites the attention of those around them.

2. BELIEFS: Believe that they can get their point of view across in a way that
3.

INTERNAL DIALOGUE: Talk to themselves in an encouraging and

positive internal voice.

4. PACE: Match subtly the other persons body language in a respectful way.
5.

ACUITY: Sense the kind of words that the other person is using in his or her conversation. ACUITY: Read the signals that tell them they have achieved rapport. VALUES: Identify what is important to the other person in the way that he or she makes decisions. LEAD: Recognise when they have a strong enough connection with the other
person to take a lead in the conversation in a way that he or she will accept.

6. PACE: Use the same kind of words in response.

7. 8. 9.

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7 Steps to Supreme Communication

1. OUTCOMES: Know what you really want.
Be clear about what you want, not just in words, but with body, voice, mind, and spirit.

2. OUTCOMES: Find out what the other person really wants.

Go beyond their surface words. The New Oceans process of gathering information from other people, also offers them the opportunity to explore, and become clear about, what they really want.

3. ACUITY: Sharpen Your Sensory Awareness

Have sufficient sensory acuity to tell whether you are moving toward or away from your outcome.

4. FLEXIBILITY: Develop Behavioural Flexibility

Have sufficient flexibility of behaviour to vary your behaviour until you get the response that you want.

5. STATE: Put yourself - and your client - in a state of optimum resourcefulness to sell and helping your customer to be in the best emotional state to buy
This means being physically and mentally alert and optimally congruent. (Anchoring)

6. RAPPORT: Be a Master of the Rapport Skills

Use NLP Rapport skills (PACE) and influence and persuasion skills (LEAD) to help both of you get what you really want.

7. HAVE CONGRUENCE
Be congruent. Be true, to yourself and others.

INSPIRED SELLING with NLP

7 STEPS TO CREATING COMPELLING GOALS

P O S IT IV E O W N IT W H AT,
W H E R E, W H EN

E E R R

V ID E N C E

C O LO G Y E S O U R C E S O U TE

C u rre n t S ta te

D e s ire d S ta te

1. POSITIVE: What do you want?

Make sure your outcome is positive - expressed as moving towards some desired outcome. If instead it is just moving away from something undesirable, ask yourself; What would do you want instead? What larger outcome is this part of?

2. OWN IT: What do YOU have to do?

For a outcome to be realistic, YOU need to be able to act directly to achieve it and take responsibility for the outcome. What can you do directly to achieve your outcome? If your outcome is dependent on others, what do YOU need to do to make them positively want to help you achieve your outcome?

3. WHAT SPECIFICALLY: What, where, when and with whom

do you want this?
Make the outcome as specific as you can. Choose the places and situations you want your outcome, and the people involved. Also choose any where you would not want it.

4. EVIDENCE: How will YOU know when you have achieved

this?
Unless you are clear about your evidence, you will never know if you have achieved your outcome. The evidence will be through your five senses. What exactly will you see, hear and feel when you have achieved your outcome? What will other people see, hear and feel when you have achieved your outcome? How will you appear differently to others?

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5. ECOLOGY: What are the consequences of achieving this?

When you achieve your outcome there will be consequences for yourself and others in many areas of your life. There may be new opportunities and challenges. You may need to make new choices. Think of what else could happen as a result of achieving your outcome. Who else is affected and how will they feel? Other people are bound to be affected as you achieve your outcome. What are the consequences for others? How does the outcome appear from their point of view? What will you have to give up by getting this? You are probably doing things currently that will prevent or hinder your progress towards this outcome. What will you have to give up by getting your outcome? Think not only of possessions, but also of relationships and behaviours. Think about the positive by-product of your PRESENT behaviour. (What do you get out of what you do now?) Consider how you might keep these benefits and incorporate them into the changes you are proposing. Ask yourself: "What will happen if I do achieve the outcome? What will happen if I do not achieve the outcome? What won't happen if I achieve the outcome? What won't happen if I don't achieve the outcome?

6. RESOURCES: What resources will help you achieve this?

You have many resources that you can draw on, both external and more important inner resources. What inner resources and personal qualities will help? Think of your personal qualities, skills and abilities, and previous positive experiences that will help you achieve this outcome. What others might you develop that would help you? What time and effort are required to achieve this? Who do you know that can help? What role models do you have? What else might you need?

7. ROUTE: What is your route plan?

You have taken a significant step already towards achieving your outcome. Now you need to act. Outline your action plan. HOW will you achieve this outcome? Start with something you can do right now. Make the plan as detailed as you wish, and be prepared to change if it is necessary.

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5 Secrets to Reading Peoples Minds Sensory Acuity - The Body Cannot Keep A Secret
BODY: Different body postures are associated with accessing of different senses.
V A K Body Leaning back Straight Leaning forward Heads and shoulders Up or rounded Head cocked, Shoulders back Down Breathing Shallow, Short Diaphragmatic Deep, Abdominal

ACCESSING CUES: - breathing patterns and non-verbal vocal cues are clues.
V A K Squinted eyes Knitted brow Hands at breast/heart Voice: High pitch, faster tempo Voice: Fluctuating tone and fast tempo Voice: Deep, with slower tempo

GESTURES: Gestures give more clues.

V A K Touching the eyes Touching or pointing toward the ear Touching the chest or stomach Gesture above eye level Touching the mouth or jaw Gestures below the neck or down

EYE MOVEMENTS: Eye movements give clues to internal thinking strategies.

MUSIC (VOICE):
V A K Voice: High pitch, faster tempo Voice: Fluctuating tone and fast tempo Voice: Deep, with slower tempo

WORDS/LANGUAGE: Language patterns (PREDICATES) more clues.

V A K See, look, sight, clear, bright, picture, hazy, show Hear, listen, sound, resonant, loud, word, noisy, rings Grasp, touch, feeling, solid, heavy, handle, connects, drawing a blank, like a snapshot music to my ears, lowering the tone put a finger on, dragging me down

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7 WAYS FOR BEHAVIOURAL FLEXIBILITY

1. Change who you are
Pretend to someone else anyone else, Try to see things from outside yourself and others. There are three basic Perceptual Positions: First Position: This is your own Perceptual Position as you, yourself, experience it. Second Position: This is the Perceptual Position of an 'other'. It's the walking, seeing, hearing, feeling, thinking, believing, etc., in another man's shoes. But it needn't be a man or even a human. Second position can be that of a painting or any other object, an animal. Third Position: This is outside the first two, and outside the communication loop going on between first and second positions. From third position, you are like an interested, but not directly involved observer of the other two. It's a useful position for gathering information and noticing relationship dynamics going on between them.

2. Change what you do

Take up some new activity or behaviour. Change your focus of attention in your work

3. Change where you do things

For example, change your lunch venue and meet people in a different location. Perhaps rearrange your office or meeting room until it feels like a different room.

4. Change when you do things

Move regular appointments to different times in the day. Change your sequence of daily routines so that you do things at different times.

5. Change why you do things

Try to act in accordance with some reason other than the real one for doing what you are doing. Invent new reasons and behave accordingly. Give yourself some secret agenda, for instance, to make people feel good or happy, or to notice beauty around you in the world. See how your feelings and behaviour changer when you change why you do things.

6. Change how you do things

Do some everyday task in a different way.

7. Change the way you talk to yourself

Use reframing to see the positive intent of all what you do.

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5 WAYS TO CHANGE YOUR STATE

Change your physiology.
When we feel down we tend to be most aware of our thoughts without noticing what our body is doing but your physical state reflects you mental state. Change one and you'll automatically change the other. For example, change your posture and your breathing pattern, to feel calmer take twice as much to exhale than inhale and laughter is a wonderful way to change state.

Change your focus and your thinking.

Sheer will power is not the answer in an unresourceful state. Neither is trying not to think about the problem. As long as you try not to think of something, your attention stays on the very thing you're trying not to think of. The way out is to think of something else either by imagining future pleasures or by going back to a good past experience.

"Think of a time. . ."

Can you think of a time when you felt `x'? Can you think of a specific time? Go back to that time now so that you're seeing what you saw, hearing what you heard, and just enjoy feeling what you felt now. . .

Role Model
Think of someone who for you is a wonderful example of the way you want to feel. They can be living or dead, fictional or real. Imagine that they are in the room with you. Step into their world in your mind. What does the world look like through their eyes? What does it feel like to talk the way they talk? What does it feel like to use your body the way they use their body?

Use your body "as-if' ...

How would you stand if you felt `x' right now? What expression would you have on your face? What would it feel like behind your eyes? How would you gesture? What sort of things might you say to yourself? How would you say them?

Use Pre-existing anchors ..

What already makes you feel `x'? Is it a piece of music? A certain smell? A certain tone of voice? A situation, or a place? Re-experience that in your mind now. . INSPIRED SELLING with NLP 14

7 STEPS TO ANCHORING

Decide what feeling will be accessed with an anchor, then ask: 1. Remember a time when you felt totally (the feeling). 2. As you step back into that time, see again everything that was going on around you, and hear again whatever sounds you could hear around you, and reexperience that feeling of total (the feeling). 3. As that feeling builds to a peak, set the anchor by pressing on a knuckle for a few seconds. 4. Break that mental state by thinking about something completely different. 5. Repeat the process from step 1, using the same memory and the same anchor spot twice more. 6. When the anchor has been set three times, test it by pressing the anchor spot. 7. Notice the result. You will know you have got it right when you experience the feeling without having to re-access the memory to which it was attached.

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4 PERSPECTIVES OF WISDOM
Excellence comes from having many choices. Wisdom comes from multiple perspectives.

First Position: This is your own

Perceptual Position as you, yourself, experience it. That is, you are fully in it and living it as if it is happening right now -- which it is.

Second Position: This is the Perceptual Position of an 'other'. It's the walking,
seeing, hearing, feeling, thinking, believing, etc., in another man's shoes. But it needn't be a man or even a human. Second position can be that of a painting or any other object, an animal, a tree, a fictional character, an archetype, a mythical being, even a mathematical principle, an idea, a piece of music, or anything from an atom to the entire Universe, so long as it is represented as 'other' than the 'you' in first position. It can even be another part of your own mind or body. This position can be in direct communication with First Position. That is, if you adopted Second Position, and spoke to yourself in First Position, you would address yourself as 'you'.

Third Position: From third position, you are like an interested, but not directly
involved observer of the other two. It's a useful position for gathering information and noticing relationship dynamics going on between them. In third position, if you were to refer to yourself in first or second position, you'd use third person pronouns such as "he", "she" or "they". A good way to get into this position is by noticing really obvious things, such as the fact that the person in first position is bipedal and has two eyes. If first and second positions are communicating with each other, you might notice that they make funny noises and respond to each other in curious ways. From there you can begin to observe more complex patterns and interactions.

Fourth Position: This is a Perceptual Position which is a synthesis of all the

others, a sense of being the whole system. From this position you can see the genesis and effects of all the other positions and their interactions, and notice large patterns which transcend individual identities, parts and relationships.

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7 steps to Dealing with Difficult People

All behaviour has a positive intention
1. Identify a specific person that you have difficulty with and a specific type of situation that has happened a number of times in the past and is likely to happen again in the future. 2. Set up 1st, 2nd and 3 positions. As a rule of thumb, the meta position should be twice as far away as 1st is from 2nd. Set up the meta position as the position in which you are completely detached from the situation of those two people over there. 3. From 3rd position notice the behaviours of the people in 1st and 2nd. Ensure you are looking from your own eyes and ears. Describe the behaviours of each with an adjective (eg defensive, angry, etc). Use - he, she, they words.
2nd Position
rd

1st Position

4. From 1st position fully associated (using your own eyes and ears) describe what is going on for you. Your thoughts, feelings, beliefs about the situation and yourself. What is your good intent, and what would that get for you? Use - I, me, us words. What one or more things do you actually like or admire about the other person.

Meta Position

5. From 3rd position notice any 'news of difference' in the situation now that you have more information about your own situation in it. 6. From 2nd position fully associated (step inside the persons skin and adopt their facial expression and use their mannerisms. Imagine what is going on for you (them). (If in doubt, guess.) Describe your thoughts, feelings and beliefs about the situation, yourself and that person in the other chair. What is your good intent and what would that get for you? Accept the one or more things that the other person likes/admires about you. And note one or more things you actually like or admire about the other person. 7. From 3rd position review the situation again and notice any news of difference. Establish what the person in first position could do differently now they have a different understanding of the situation. Generate ideas for new and different behaviour that would be ecological in the situation. (If necessary revisit any of the positions to gather extra information.) 8. From 1st position ask yourself 'Can I do this new behaviour?' Make any necessary adjustments and when ready Future Pace.

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7 Levels OF Rapport
People like people who are like themselves
Rapport is the key to influence. Rapport (and influence) start with acceptance of the other persons point of view (model of the world), their state and their style of communication. To influence you have to be able to appreciate and understand the other persons standpoint. Rapport is the ability to join people where they are in order to build a climate of trust and respect. Rapport is influence and these work both ways: I cannot influence you without being open to influence myself. Rapport is the ability to see eye to eye, to be on the same wavelength and to connect mentally and emotionally. Having rapport does not mean that you have to agree, but that you understand where the other person is coming from. You appreciate and respect what the other person thinks and feels even though it may be at odds with your own thoughts and feelings although you often find that you do share the same opinions and values.

Rapport can exist at any or all of the following neuro-logical levels.

1. ENVIRONMENT - the way you present yourself.

Every company has a culture and this is often communicated in the way members of the company dress, in what they wear and the way they wear it. If your job involves you going into other companies, then the way you choose to dress will affect the success with which you build rapport. INSPIRED SELLING with NLP 18

2. BEHAVIOUR the way you behave.

Matching behaviour is not only about building relationships, it is about behaving in a way that the other person is most likely to understand.

3. CAPABILITIES the skills you have.

People enjoy the company of those with whom they share the same interests. The talents you have and recognise in others stem from what is important to you your values. By spending time with those who have similar skills, you are getting close to those who share those core values.

4. VALUES the values you hold.

Your values represent what is important to you. They determine how you behave, what skills you draw on, what decisions you make and how you present yourself. You probably find yourself attracted to people who share the same values as you. Commonly held values are typically what holds a team together and what gives a sense of purpose to the styles of your business. To match someone at the level of their values, you need to discover what makes a difference or not what has to be true for their values to be met. What has to be true for your customer to want to do business with you? What has to be true for you to meet your managers requirements of you? What has to be true for you to feel youre being listened to?

5. BELIEFS your beliefs.

Shared beliefs hold cultures, communities, organisations, and teams together. Your beliefs show in everything you do. Beliefs are not facts; they are emotionally held opinions that will mostly have been formed early in your life. You may find yourself drawn to someone without knowing consciously why, only to discover later that deep down they hold the same beliefs as you.

6. IDENTITY the kind of person you are.

We are drawn to people like ourselves, in type, in style, in interests, in behaviour, in appearance, in beliefs, which all adds up to the kind of people we are. Entrepreneurs rate other entrepreneurs. Sport people value other sports people. Musicians spend time with musicians. Engineers value engineers. We are by our very nature tribal.

7. BEYOND IDENTITY your purpose in life.

You attract people who share your purpose. It is the answer to: What for? It concerns the legacy you leave in all that you do and by being who you are. Purpose goes beyond yourself and is concerned with what you want to give others. Achieving what you want in a way that enables or supports others to achieve what they want is at the heart of win-win in any negotiation.

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7x3 PresuppositionS FOR INSPIRED Selling

In order to be more effective at selling, it is helpful to make certain assumptions about people, communication, and influence.

Sell unto others, the way they want to be sold to. You never get a second chance to make a first impression.
First impressions are important since they are a baseline for future expectations.

The criteria someone used to make a decision in the past is often the same as the one they will use in the present within the same or similar context.
Find out how someone made a similar decision in the past and how it worked out. This can be the key to knowing how that person will make a decision today.

Values and Criteria are what motivate our behaviour and this is the underlying reason why we do something.
The reason we are motivated to do anything is to avoid pain or attain pleasure. Behaviour thus has directionality in that we are motivated to move either toward or away from something based on how that something either satisfies or violates a particular value or criterion. Therefore when you can identify and satisfy someones values or criteria you motivate that person, making it difficult for that person to say NO and making it easy to say YES.

If you always do what youve always done, youll always get what youve always got.
Our greatest instinct is to do what is familiar. Observe the results of your actions. If what you are doing isnt working, then try something else.

The meaning of your communication is the response you get regardless of your intention.
It doesnt matter how hard you try or how noble your intentions are. The effectiveness of your communication should be measured solely by the way someone responds to you.

Each of us has our own unique map of reality.

We each see the world uniquely by filtering out certain things, focusing on others, and responding to the remaining perception in our own way. The way we view and respond to the world determines our own unique slice of reality. This is why different people respond differently to the same thing, and why the same thing can cause different responses in different people.

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