Understanding and Building Resilience

By Sharon M. Danes, Extension Family Economist and Professor

Family Social Science
University of Minnesota

WHAT IS RESILIENCE?

The simplest way to define resilience is the ability to “bounce back” from life’s difficulties – to
adapt well in the face of adversity or significant sources of stress, such as family and relationship
issues, major health problems or financial hardships.

Experts call the ability to cope with life’s difficulties a “capacity for resilience.” Everyone has
stored different amounts, or reserves, of resilience to use when necessary.

An individual’s capacity for resilience varies, depending on background and life experiences.
Fortunately, no one is stuck with the same stores of resilience their whole life. Everyone –
including you – can become more resilient through learning and practice.

One thing you can do to increase your capacity for resilience is develop a healthy view of change.
As outlined in another Extension course, “Change: Loss, Opportunity and Resilience,” people are
more resilient if they view change as offering opportunities for growth and satisfaction, rather
than only loss or danger.

How much resilience do you need? That depends on what’s going on in your life. If you are
experiencing relatively few or minor stressors, you probably can keep up with the “speed of
change” with relatively small reserves of resilience. But if you’re facing multiple or major stressors
– such as divorce or job loss – you will probably become overwhelmed unless you have an
adequate capacity for resilience.

WHAT DOES RESILIENCE LOOK LIKE?

As noted, everyone can become more resilient through learning and practice. You can start by
learning that resilient people possess five key characteristics, or qualities:

 Positive

 Focused

 Flexible

 Organized

 Proactive.
Let’s look more closely at these characteristics.

Positive people understand the dangers and threats in change, but are not overwhelmed by
them. They are able to compartmentalize stress – keep it separate from other parts of their lives –
so it doesn’t disrupt their lives. Positive people are practical and realistic, but at the same time
can “reframe” a changing situation – view it in a more favorable light that allows for action and
growth. As noted in the online course, positive people also:

 Maintain a sense of humor.

 Attend to their overall well-being (take care of their physical and emotional health).
 “Lead” with empathy – put themselves in others’ shoes.

Focused people determine where they are headed and stick to their goals so barriers along
the way do not become insurmountable. They give blocks or obstacles sufficient attention, but not
so much that they fail to reach their goals. As noted in the online course, focused people also:

 Develop a clear vision of what they hope to achieve.

 Remain true to their core values.

Flexible people are open to different options when faced with uncertainty. They recognize
their personal strengths and weaknesses; they know when to accept internal and external limits.
In short, flexible people know how to adapt to changing situations and conditions. As noted in the
online course, flexible people also:

 Challenge, and when necessary, modify personal assumptions or frames of

reference.

 Acknowledge that there are a number of right ways to accomplish important goals.

Organized people develop structured approaches to managing ambiguity (uncertainty).

They set goals and priorities, but when necessary, renegotiate them during change. Organized
people recognize when to ask others for help. As noted in the online course, organized people
also take the lead in clarifying roles when working with others in a group or organization.

Proactive people work with change rather than fight it. They draw important lessons from
change so they can use their experience and apply their newfound knowledge to future, similar
situations. They also use internal and external resources to cope with change. And, like positive
people, proactive people know how to reframe a changing situation to see its opportunities – and
so achieve productive results. As noted in the online course, proactive people also are willing to
take calculated risks to reach goals.

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HOW DO PEOPLE DEMONSTRATE RESILIENCE?
We just talked about five key characteristics of resilience. Now let’s look at how people
demonstrate resilience in the course of dealing with change.

How would people with low resilience think or behave in the face of significant change? How
would people with high resilience think or behave in the same situation? People demonstrate
resilience on a continuum, or sequence, as illustrated below – with low resilience to the far left
and high resilience to the far right.

Low Resilience High Resilience

Now let’s look at some examples of how people’s responses to change differ when they have low
resilience and high resilience. The following tables include responses categorized under each of
the five characteristics of resilience. Remember: Low-resilience responses are on the left and high-
resilience responses on the right.
Note: Continuum graphic and response tables adapted from: Conner, D. R. (1992). Managing at the
speed of change. New York: Villard Books.

Positive
People with low levels of the Positive People with high levels of the Positive
characteristic: characteristic:

Interpret the world: Interpret the world:

 As binary (with two parts) – Everything is  As multi-faceted – Most things have

one thing or the opposite, e.g., yes or no, many parts or aspects; they’re not one
right or wrong, black or white – there’s thing or the opposite, but a mix of
nothing “in between.” things, e.g., “the situation is gray.”
 As sequential – Things occur one right  As overlapping – Sometimes different
after the other. things happen at the same time.

Expect the future to be orderly and Expect the future to be filled with constantly
predictable. shifting variables (events and conditions).

Interpret disruptions or unmet expectations View disruptions or unmet expectations as

as resulting from personal vendettas or the natural result of a changing world.
conspiracies.

Spend too much time trying to resolve Understand that life is filled with
contradictions and paradoxes (puzzling contradictions and paradoxes.
situations).

See major change as uncomfortable and a Also see major change as uncomfortable,
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situation to avoid. but understand the opportunities it
presents.

Feel that most challenges and barriers in life Believe that lessons can be learned from
are unfair and serve no purpose. meeting challenges and overcoming
barriers.

See life as generally punishing; lack a sense See life as generally rewarding; maintain a
of humor. sense of humor.

Focused
People with low levels of the Focused People with high levels of the Focused
characteristic: characteristic:

Lack an overarching purpose or vision in life Maintain a strong purpose or vision that
and/or the ability to stay focused on gives their life meaning and are able to stay
achieving their vision when difficulties focused on that vision whatever happens
occur. along the way.

Fail to develop goals (based on their vision), Develop goals (based on their vision) and
or lose sight of their goals in the face of manage problems along the way so they
obstacles or barriers. achieve their goals.

Flexible
People with low levels of the Flexible People with high levels of the Flexible
characteristic: characteristic:

Approach change as a mysterious event. Believe change is a manageable process.

Have a low tolerance for ambiguity Have a high tolerance for ambiguity.
(uncertainty) – don’t function well in
unstructured or uncertain environments.

Need a relatively long recovery time after Need a relatively short time to recover after
adversity or disappointment. adversity or disappointment.

Feel victimized during periods of change. Feel empowered during periods of change.

Misjudge their own capabilities and get in Recognize their own strengths and
“over their heads” trying to manage change. weaknesses; know when to accept internal
and external limits and so better manage
change.

Fail to break from established, traditional Challenge and when necessary modify their
ways of seeing things. own assumptions and frames of reference in
order to see things in new ways.

Fail to develop or maintain nurturing Develop and rely on nurturing relationships

Understanding and Building Resilience Page 4

relationships that can provide support in for support.
times of change.

Lack patience and understanding in the face Display patience and understanding when
of change. dealing with change.

Organized
People with low levels of the Organized People with high levels of the Organized
characteristic: characteristic:

Become lost when confronted with Sort out confusing information in order to
confusing information. identify main issues and underlying themes.

Fail to see the common features of what Identify the common features of what
appear to be unrelated issues in dealing appear to be unrelated issues in dealing
with change; duplicate work, which drains with change; consolidate work for efficiency
their energy. and wise use of their energy.

Cannot update or shift priorities as needed Renegotiate and re-set priorities as needed
in the midst of change. during change.

Fail to effectively manage tasks and Successfully manage tasks and demands
demands that arise at the same time. that occur at the same time.

Cannot compartmentalize (keep separate) Are skilled at compartmentalizing and

pressures and so let stress from one area keeping pressures from affecting other
spill over into another. parts of their life.

Fail to ask others for help when needed. Recognize when it’s time to ask others for
help.

Are prone to knee-jerk reactions (immediate Act only after careful planning and thought.
reactions based on habit or emotion rather
than careful thought).

Proactive
People with low levels of the Proactive People with high levels of the Proactive
characteristic: characteristic:

Are unable to recognize when change is Can recognize when change is inevitable or
inevitable (will occur) or probable (might probable – and so prepare for it.
occur).

Rigidly stick with their usual practices and Reframe changing situations, improvise new
operating style when facing change and so approaches and take advantage of
fail to take advantage of opportunities. opportunities.

Avoid taking risks, or even examining the Carefully weigh the pros and cons of taking

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pros and cons of taking risks; also risks, and – if they conclude a risk is worth
underestimate their ability to handle a taking – proceed to act; also accurately
situation if something goes wrong. estimate their ability to handle any negative
consequences.

Go through periods of change without Draw important lessons from change-

learning how to handle things better the related experiences and apply what they
next time. learned to future, similar situations.

React to disruption by blaming and Respond to disruption by investing energy

attacking others. in problem solving and teamwork.

Are unable to influence others to effectively Can influence others to effectively resolve
resolve conflicts. conflicts.

HOW DO I BECOME MORE RESILIENT?

We have defined resilience and described what it looks like in people. Now you’re probably asking,
“How do I become more resilient?” As noted, building resilience involves learning and practice.

You need to take what you have learned in this class, and other places, and apply it to your own
life until new behaviors, thoughts and actions become habit. That’s where practice comes in.

You also need to develop a personal strategy, or plan, for becoming more resilient. You can get
help on developing a strategy by reading “The Road to Resilience” on the American Psychological
Association website at http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience.aspx#. We strongly urge
you to review that website, especially the “10 ways to build resilience.” They include:

 Make connections with others.

 Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems.
 Accept that change is part of living.
 Move toward your goals.
 Take decisive actions.
 Look for opportunities for self discovery.
 Nurture a positive view of yourself.
 Keep things in perspective.
 Maintain a hopeful outlook.
 Take care of yourself.
 Try additional ways of strengthening resilience, such as keeping a journal or other
forms of reflection such as meditation or prayer.

You might want to write down your personal strategy – including goals and actions to reach them.
Make your strategy (or plan) specific to the changes and challenges you’re facing in your life, and
consider the five characteristics of resilience, too.

For example, let’s say you’re dealing with sudden job loss. Be intentional about viewing the
problem as a highly resilient person who is positive, focused, flexible, organized and proactive
would. And start acting like that person as you cope with issues related to your job loss every day.
Understanding and Building Resilience Page 6
As we said, pretty soon new behaviors, thoughts and actions will become habit. And you will reap
the rewards of greater resiliency.

HOW DO I HELP OTHERS BECOME MORE RESILIENT?

Besides becoming more resilient yourself, you probably want to help your family, friends or
colleagues increase their resiliency.

Helping others starts with understanding what they’re thinking and feeling. With that in mind,
here are some ideas for supporting others as they go through change – and so enable them to
become more resilient:

 When confronted with change, people often feel awkward, scared and
uncomfortable because they don’t know what to expect. Share any factual
information you might have with others, as well as “best guesses” about what might
happen based on facts (not rumor or speculation). Above all, assure others that you
will be there to guide them through the change.
 People often feel alone during a change, even if they’re facing it with others. You
can help them break out of isolation by structuring activities and situations to
increase involvement. Encourage them to share ideas and work together to deal with
change.
 Many people focus on what they will lose when change comes. Listen and let them
mourn the loss, and then gently steer them to thoughts about benefits or
improvements the change will bring.
 Many people think they can handle a lot of change all at once. Help them
understand that they won’t be able to manage multiple changes without setting
priorities on which actions to take immediately and which to take later. Also advise
them on setting priorities as needed.
 People facing change are concerned they don’t have enough resources (time, money,
skills, etc.) to respond to unexpected change or initiate change on their own. Help
them with creative problem solving and encourage them to develop a plan of action.
 People are at different levels of readiness for change. Some people adapt relatively
quickly, while others need more time. Be patient with those slower to adjust to
change. This can be tricky if the nature of the change requires prompt action, so
you’ll need to find the right balance between gentle encouragement and tough
communication of urgency.
 People will revert to old behaviors if they don’t stay focused on their goals, whether
they’re coping with unexpected change or initiating change themselves. You can
help by continually reminding them of where they want to be and the importance of
working toward those goals every day.

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RESOURCES FOR BUILDING RESILIENCE
You can find tools for dealing with stress, getting through difficult times, and building resilience
on websites and in books at your local library. One book we recommend is Managing at the Speed
of Change by Daryl R. Conner. In addition, check out these two websites:

 The Road to Resilience – American Psychological Association

www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience.aspx
 The role of resilience in mental and emotional health – Helpguide.org
www.helpguide.org/mental/mental_emotional_health.htm#role

REFERENCES
American Psychology Association. (n.d.). The road to resilience. Retrieved from
http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience.aspx

Conner, D. R. (1992). Managing at the speed of change. New York: Villard Books.

Danes, S. M. (2013). Change: Loss, opportunity and resilience – Online course. Retrieved from
http://www.extension.umn.edu/family/live-healthy-live-well/healthy-minds/dealing-with-
stress/change-loss-opportunity-resilience/change-loss-opportunity-resilience-online-course/

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 Kubler-Ross, E. (1969). On death and dying. New York: Macmillan Publishing.

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© 2014, Regents of the University of Minnesota. All rights reserved. For more information on the “Staying Resilient in Times of Change” course, visit
www.extension.umn.edu/family/live-healthy-live-well/healthy-minds/dealing-with-stress/staying-resilient-in-times-of-change-online/.University of Minnesota
Extension is an equal opportunity educator and employer. In accordance with the Americans with Disabilities Act, this material is available in alternative
formats upon request. Direct requests to 612-626-6602.

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