Praise for the plays of Halley Feiffer

HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS AND THEN KILL THEM

“Ms. Feiffer … is building a reputation for fearlessness.”

—Neil Genzlinger, The New York Times

“Thank God … for the warped creative mind of playwright/actress Halley

Feiffer, who harnesses the weird to full, gory effect in How to Make Friends
and Then Kill Them, an uproarious and deeply unsettling new dark comedy
… Equally laugh-out-loud funny, jaw-droppingly gross, and thoroughly sad
… Feiffer’s unique, refreshing voice is one to which attention should be
paid.”
—David Gordon, Theatermania

“Disturbingly funny.”
—Joe Dziemianowicz, New York Daily News

“A wicked comedy … Feiffer … is an expert comic actor with an

appealingly skewed sensibility.”
—Elisabeth Vincentelli, New York Post

“Feiffer … has a commendable eye for the absurd.”

—The New Yorker

“There’s great stuff here … dark and weird.”

—Helen Snow, Time Out New York

I’M GONNA PRAY FOR YOU SO HARD

“Viciously funny … brutally effective. Feiffer takes a tough look at the

forces that can bring us to our knees.”
—Adam Feldman, Time Out New York
“A bone-chilling … punishing drama.”
—Charles Isherwood, The New York Times

“Blistering, blackly funny.”

—Joe Dziemianowicz, New York Daily News

“One minute you’re laughing, the next you’re cringing … the play sticks in
your head like a crazy nightmare.”
—Elisabeth Vincentelli, New York Post

“Funny, scary, and completely over the top in its own right … goes straight
for the jugular through the heart.”
—Robert Hofler, The Wrap

“Provocative, sensitive, shocking and often very unsettling … polished and

probing. One of the best plays I’ve seen this season.”
—Rex Reed, New York Observer

“Exhilaratingly toxic.”
—Joe McGovern, Entertainment Weekly

“A hard-hearted stunner.”
—Michael Schulman, The New Yorker

“Halley Feiffer’s ferocious, explosive dialogue in I’m Gonna Pray For You
So Hard is in a class of its own.”
—Lee Kinney, TheEasy.com

“It’s a fearless piece of work, riveting and hilarious.”

—Robert Feldberg, Bergen Record
HALLEY FEIFFER is a New York-based writer and actress. Her full-
length plays include I’m Gonna Pray For You So Hard (World Premiere
Atlantic Theater Company, 2015), How To Make Friends And Then Kill
Them (World Premiere Rattlestick Playwrights Theater, 2014), and A Funny
Thing Happened On The Way To The Gynecologic Oncology Unit At
Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center of New York City (World
Premiere MCC Theater, 2016). Her plays have been developed by
Manhattan Theatre Club, Second Stage, New York Theater Workshop,
LAByrinth Theater Company, The O’Neill, and elsewhere. Her work has
been commissioned by Manhattan Theatre Club, The Alfred P. Sloan
Foundation, Williamstown Theater Festival and Playwrights Horizons. She
won a Theater World Award for her performance in the 2011 Broadway
revival of The House of Blue Leaves, and co-wrote and starred in the 2013
film He’s Way More Famous Than You. She is a writer on the Starz series
The One Percent.
 Copyright

CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that

performance of the Play HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS AND THEN KILL
THEM is subject to payment of a royalty. The Play is fully protected under
the copyright laws of the United States of America, and of all countries
covered by the International Copyright Union (including the Dominion of
Canada and the rest of the British Commonwealth), and of all countries
covered by the Pan-American Copyright Convention, the Universal
Copyright Convention, the Berne Convention, and of all countries with
which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights,
including without limitation professional/ amateur stage rights, motion
picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television,
video or sound recording. all other forms of mechanical, electronic and
digital reproduction, transmission and distribution, such as CD, DVD, the
Internet, private and file-sharing networks, information storage and retrieval
systems, photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign languages
are strictly reserved. Particular emphasis is placed upon the matter of
readings, permission for which must be secured from the Author’s agent in
writing. Inquiries concerning rights should be addressed to ICM Partners
730 Fifth Avenue New York, NY 10019. Attn: Di Glazer.

This edition first published in the United States and the United Kingdom in
2016 by Overlook Duckworth, Peter Mayer Publishers, Inc.

NEW YORK
141 Wooster Street
New York, NY 10012
www.overlookpress.com
For bulk and special sales, please contact [email protected], or write
us at above address.

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 30 Calvin Street
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Copyright © 2016 by Halley Feiffer

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or

transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical,
including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval
system now known or to be invented, without permission in writing from
the publisher, except by a reviewer who wishes to quote brief passages in
connection with a review written for inclusion in a magazine, newspaper, or
broadcast.

EISBN 978-1-4683-1657-5
 Contents

Praise for the plays of Halley Feiffer

About the Author
Copyright
Preface
Acknowledgments
Cast of Characters
Characters
Setting

Scene 1
Scene 2
Scene 3
Scene 4
Scene 5
Scene 6
Scene 7
Scene 8
Scene 9
Scene 10
Scene 11
Scene 12
Scene 13
Scene 14
Scene 15
PREFACE

In the course of the fifteen scenes of How To Make Friends and Then Kill
Them, Halley Feiffer tracks two sisters and a friend through their obsessive
loves, hatreds, rivalries, fears, cruelties, successes, failures, small choices
becoming defining points for life over a nineteen-year period, starting at
age 10 when the taste of gin is the smell of an adult, ending at age 29 in
destruction [the age Feiffer was when she wrote it]. They act out their roles
of what they think it means to be an adult, to be a woman in power.
It takes place for the most part in a room with two ways out—one
leading to the world, one down to the cellar. That route is only taken once.
The walls are lined with shelves of every kind of alcoholic drink.
I asked the playwright to tell me the story of her play.
“Three damaged women use each other to fill each other’s emotional
holes, progressively fail to do so and, in so doing, warp each other’s lives
beyond repair.”
When I read this play, I thought two things. Jean Genet and Alicia
Silverstone. Yes. That terrific movie Clueless, which used Jane Austen’s
Emma as a giddy leaping off point.
Are Feiffer’s two sisters descendants of Genet’s Claire and Solange?
[Devoid of Genet’s political and psycho-sexual implications and that’s a
whole lot of devoid but let me go on. I’m trying to get a handle on this
play.] Did Halley Feiffer pull the Clueless tactic on Genet? I asked Halley if
she had read The Maids.
“I didn’t read it until after I’d finished my play. I read The Maids and
said, I have been here before. As if Genet’s sensibility had been waiting. I
read the play thinking it was one thing, and then the bottom would fall out
and the play would become something else, again and again. I loved its
constant shift, but even more the sadistic and cruel way the maids treated
each other, the way women often do, and how early it starts.”
Feiffer gives the children a very specific voice.
 Where had I heard it before?
Yes. Those raging female indie rock groups who blasted out of the
Pacific Northwest in the 1990s with Patti Smith as their muse. Girl bands
like Sleater-Kinney, whose lead singer Corin Tucker’s first recording was a
rage about her period.
I asked Feiffer if she knew Sleater-Kinney. She said “I can’t believe out
of all the bands on earth you picked up on Sleater-Kinney. You’re this [I
heard her searching for the word—old? white-haired? She settled on … ]
long time playwright. How do you know Sleater-Kinney?”
Sorry, Halley. This is about you.
“I first heard them in 2006 when I was acting in Eric Bogosian’s
Suburbia at Second Stage. Kieran Culkin seduced my character with a
Sleater-Kinney song called either Jumper or Jumpers. I liked this song
because either way it sounded like suicide and it was coming out of
women’s mouths. The show’s sound designer named Muttt with three t’s
put together a bunch of female punk rock songs for me and it opened up a
world. A new voice of feminism. I really wasn’t much into music before
that. I never listened to the words but made up my own words to the music
and the title. I started listening. You know Sleater-Kinney? I’m really
impressed.” [NOTE: Ms Feiffer only said it once. The compliment so pleased
me I put it in twice.]
How do you define feminism? What does that mean today?
“To me being a feminist means what it’s always meant. No more than
wanting the same rights as men. Feminism is the freedom for women to
behave as repugnantly as men—if we don’t get the help we need. The guys
in True West treat each other abominably. Nobody calls Sam Shepard
misogynistic. People have called me sexist, do I hate women? Men do it all
the time but women aren’t supposed to. I’ve treated people this way and,
yes, have been treated this way. Why did I write it? Perhaps to break the
chain.”
Is the three-character play autobiographical?
“I was an only child until I was ten. My play is more the fantasy of an
only child. It started out as a group of short plays called It’s Just Weird
Now: Short Plays About Friendship about female friendships, women
treating each other horribly. Someone asked me to find a narrative link for
those plays. Instead I wrote this play.”
Influences?
 “The first play I ever saw was Guys and Dolls with Nathan Lane and I
loved the dazzle of it, but the first play that had a profound energizing effect
on me was Arthur Kopit’s Oh Dad, Poor Dad, Mamma’s Hung You In the
Closet and I’m Feelin’ So Sad. I read that and didn’t know the stage was a
place where you could have a talking fish. I wanted to be there.”
She is there. It’s called now. Halley Feiffer is 30. Her last play I’m
Gonna Pray For You Hard staked out emotional terrain she’ll be exploring
the rest of her life. There’s this play you hold in your hands right now. Her
next is called A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To the Gynecologic
Oncology Unit at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center of New York
City.
I can’t wait.

—John Guare
July 10, 2015
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

A major THANK YOU to the generous people and institutions whose

contribution was crucial in the creation of this play:
Jenny Allen, Jules Feiffer, Lina Makdisi, Maya Kazan, Darren Katz,
Chris Burney, Brooke Bloom, Jenni Barber, Greta Lee, Ari Edelson, Reiko
Aylesworth, Mandy Siegfried, Greg Keller, Kate Maguire, Phillip Witte,
Sarah Kauffman, Caitlin Teeley, Samantha Richert, John Eisner, Desiree
Akhavan, Jesse Eisenberg, Evan Cabnet, Betty Gilpin, Alison Pill, Cristin
Milioti, Tracee Chimo, Sarah Steele, Nikhil Melnechuk, Bob Holman,
Robyn Goodman, Josh Fiedler, Jill Rafson, Daryl Roth, Joshua Astrachan,
John Guare, David Van Asselt, Daniel Talbott, Brian Miskell, Brian Long,
Jessica Amato, Shira-Lee Shalit, Lillith Fallon, Belle Caplis, Stephanie
Seward, Wesleyan University, and The Rattlestick Playwrights Theatre.
Second Stage Theatre, The Drama Bookshop, The LARK, Berkshire
Theatre Group, The Bowery Poetry Club, LAByrinth Theater Company,
Daniel Kluger, Andromache Chalfant, Jessica Pabst, Tyler Micoleau,
Amanda Perry, Mikey Denis, Eugenia Furneaux, Katya Campbell, Keira
Keeley, Jen Ponton, Elizabeth Carlson, Kip Fagan and Di Glazer.
This play was developed with generous support from The Orchard
Project, SPACE on Ryder Farm and the Cape Cod Theatre Project.
CAST OF CHARACTERS
The world premiere of How to Make Friends and Then Kill Them was
produced by Rattlestick Playwrights Theatre, New York City, 2013.
Directed by Kip Fagan.

ADA Katya Campbell

SAM Keira Keeley
DORRIE Jen Ponton
CHARACTERS
ADA: Ages 10–29; played by one actress. Beautiful, charismatic, alcoholic.
Wants to be an actress but her obsession with alcohol holds her back.

SAM: Ages 9–28; played by one actress. Ada’s sister. Less beautiful than
Ada; plucky, strong-willed, whip-smart. Wants to be a graphic novelist but
her obsession with her sister holds her back.

DORRIE: Ages 10–29; played by one actress. Insecure, hugely self-

conscious, desperate to give and receive love. Possessed of one of the
purest hearts there is. Her sole purpose is her devotion to Ada and Sam.
SETTING
Present Day. A suburban American town not far from New York City.

PRODUCTION NOTES
The set should be spare and minimal. All design elements should have a
neglected quality.

Ellipses in the text indicate a character having a thought—they do not

necessarily need to translate into significant pauses.
SCENE 1

Darkness.

The voices of three girls scream: “CHILDHOOD!!!”

We hear Randy Newman’s cheerful and heartwarming song
“You’ve Got a Friend In Me” playing, and then …
… the sound of hands slapping against each other.
Lights creep up on ADA and SAM—ten and nine years old—in
their kitchen. They wear matching school uniforms. ADA’s skirt is
rolled up higher than SAM’s. ADA wears a string of beads around
her neck. SAM has a pencil tucked behind her ear.
They play a hand game—very intensely, and very rapidly. They
play it as if their lives depended on it.
We see that the music is playing from a transistor radio, on the
kitchen counter.
The room has two doors—one leading off to the rest of the house,
and one down to the cellar. The back wall of the kitchen is lined
with shelves, which are filled with bottles of seemingly every kind
of alcohol.
Laying out on the kitchen table is a sketchbook and a pencil.
After several rounds of the hand game, SAM messes up, and the
game falls apart.

ADA
You messed up, that was six.

SAM
I’m sorry, I thought it was five.

ADA
Yeah, I could see you did.
Beat.

SAM
Do you want to play again …?

ADA
No. I don’t.
Beat. Then—
ADA uses a chair to get up and stand on the table.

ADA
Can you turn off the radio and get the flashlight? I would like to practice
my mon-o-logue.
SAM nods, scurries over to the radio; turns it off. She opens a
cupboard and removes a large, unwieldy flashlight. Scurries back
over to the table and squats down, shining the flashlight up onto
ADA, as if it were a footlight on a stage.

ADA
Okay, say: “ … and … Action!”

SAM
…and … Action!
ADA suddenly strikes a pose—twists her body into some sort of
highly unnatural, dramatic position.
 ADA

(Performatively.)
I just … can’t help … but think … I am … extremely … beautiful.
A beat. She changes her “blocking”: strikes a sort of sexy pose.

ADA
Sometimes …? While brushing my teeth? Or picking a blackhead?? Out of
my nose??? I’ll step back, and look at my face in the mirror, and I’ll see …
me …!
(She strikes a sort of modern dance-y pose.)
And I’m always … so pleasantly … surprised …!
(She strikes a sort of heroin-chic pose.)
Because I’m … gorgeous.
She holds her absurd pose.
A beat. Then—

SAM

(Applauding.)
Yaaaay …!

ADA

(Hopping off the table.)

What did you think of the changes?

SAM
They’re really strong.

ADA
I’m still working on it.
 ADA hops of the table. SAM turns off the flashlight, and looks at
ADA, admiringly.

SAM
Can I draw you for a second?

ADA
Fine. But just for a second. I find posing for your drawings very boring.
SAM beams, grabs her sketchbook off the table and her pencil
from behind her ear, and hunkers down.
ADA strikes a brand new dramatic pose. SAM begins to sketch her.

SAM

(Sketching with incredible seriousness.)

You’ve always been so pretty, Ada.

ADA
I hate it when you tell me that, Sam.

SAM
I know, I know—I didn’t forget. I just like telling you.

ADA
But I hate it soooooo much.

SAM
I know.
(Beat.)
But do you really?
Beat. ADA considers. …

ADA
Sometimes I like it.
 SAM
I thought so …!

ADA
I mean I like it when other people do it.

SAM
Oh.

ADA
But I don’t really like it when you do it.

SAM
Yeah.

ADA
There’s something really creepy about the way you say “soooooo pretty.”

SAM
Uh-huh. …

ADA
It’s like you’re a Frenchman trying to seduce me, or something.

SAM

(Mortified.)
Totally. Yeah.
SAM’s eyes start to well up. She rubs her eyes, vigorously.

ADA
Are you okay?

SAM
My contact lenses are clouding up.
 ADA
I told Mom you were too young to get contacts.

SAM
I’m just a year younger than you.

ADA
But mine are purely cosmetic.
ADA begins practicing ballet moves.

ADA

(Doing a relevé.)
I like to fantasize about how one day? I’m not gonna have to be here,
posing for your gay drawings.

SAM

(Rubbing her eyes.)

Huh.

ADA

(Doing a plié.)
I’m gonna be off at college, riding a bike and eating in the dining hall and
having sex with my professors, et cetera.

SAM

(Snorts.)
You’re gonna be a slut.

ADA

(Doing an arabesque; with great pride.)

Mm-hmmmmmmm!
 ADA quits dancing, grabs a chair from the kitchen table and
pushes it over to the shelves on the back wall; she stands on the
chair, and examines the bottles of alcohol.
SAM continues to sketch her.
ADA takes a shining blue bottle of gin off a shelf, and turns it
around in her hands, admiring it.
She screws the top off the gin bottle and smells it.

SAM
What are you doing …?

ADA
I like the way it smells.

SAM
I think it smells terrible.

ADA
I think it smells like being an adult.
She screws the top back on the gin bottle and places it back on the
shelf.

SAM

(Still sketching ADA.)

Hold still. …

ADA
Euuugh, stop drawing me—I can feel your beady little eyes boring a hole
into my psychic en-er-gy.
SAM puts down her sketchbook and pen, rubs her eyes.

SAM
Fine.
 ADA

(Turning to SAM.)
Will you bruise me so Mom will pay more attention to me?

SAM
Where do you want me to bruise you?

ADA

(Rolling up the sleeve of her shirt.)

Here. On my arm.

SAM
How???

ADA
Just wrap your fingers around it and squeeze, really really tight.

SAM

(Nervous.)
Okay. …
SAM sticks the pencil behind her ear, wraps her fingers around
ADA’s arm and squeezes, really tight.

ADA
Ooh. Thank you.

SAM

(Squeezing ADA’s arm as hard as she can.)

Is this good …?

ADA

(Wincing a bit at the pain.)

Yes. Please stop asking me to val-i-date you.

SAM
Sorry.
SAM squeezes harder.

ADA
Ow! That’s good. Stop.
SAM releases her grip on ADA’s arm. They look at it.

SAM
You think that’ll bruise?

ADA
I hope so.
(Beat.)
Can you open the cellar door? For some vent-il-ation?

SAM
That doesn’t make any sense.

ADA
Just do it. It’s hot in here.

SAM
Fine.
SAM opens the cellar door. It opens onto a dark, long, spooky-
looking staircase.

ADA
Ahhhh. That’s better.

SAM
 (Shudders.)
Uggggh. I hate that spooky staircase.
SAM sits back down, removes her pencil from behind her ear and
starts drawing something from her imagination.

ADA
What are you doing.

SAM

(Distracted.)
… what …?

ADA
WHAT ARE YOU DOING???

SAM
Oh! I’m … drawing …?

ADA
What are you drawing.

SAM
Something … from my imagination …?

ADA
Well stop.

SAM
Why?

ADA
’Cause I’m bored!

SAM
Ada. …

ADA

(Matter-of-factly.)
You can’t draw stuff from your imagination, anyway. You can only draw
stuff that’s in front of you. If you draw stuff from your imagination, it
always looks fake, and dumb. And fake.

SAM
P.F. Touchane draws stuff only from his imagination. He’s the best artist in
the world.

ADA
I don’t even know who that is.
Beat.

ADA
Will you let me brush your hair?

SAM
Fine.
SAM stops drawing. ADA opens up a drawer and removes a
hairbrush. She moves behind SAM and starts to brush her hair.

SAM

(Sniffs the air.)

It smells like cigarettes in here. …

ADA

(Matter-of-factly.)
I was smoking.

SAM
WHAT?!?

ADA

(With a nonchalant shrug.)

I tried it.

SAM
WHEN?!?!?

ADA
When you were at softball practice.
(Beat)

SAM

(Softly.)
Oh.

ADA
What.

SAM

(Softly.)
I just—I can’t believe you did that … without telling me. …
ADA shrugs; keeps brushing.
A beat. Then—

ADA
Also I got my period.

SAM
WHAT ?!?!?!?!?!?!

ADA
Just kidding.

SAM
I hate you.
ADA stops brushing SAM’s hair. She puts the hairbrush down, pats
SAM’s freshly-brushed hair.

A beat. Then—

ADA
It’s never weird with us, is it?

SAM
What do you mean.

ADA
I mean like when there are weird moments? Between friends?? When it gets
…
(Searches for the word.)
… awk-ward …??? I hate that.

SAM
Me too.

ADA
But with us, that never happens.

SAM
Yeah.
Beat.

ADA
It wasn’t that fun, smoking the cigarette, anyway.
 SAM
Where did you get it?

ADA
From Mom.

SAM
She gave it to you?!?

ADA
No, you idiot—I stole it.

SAM
I never see Mom smoking.

ADA
She smokes when she goes out to bars.

SAM

(Snorts.)
So like, every night.
Beat.

ADA
That wasn’t very nice.

SAM
Sorry.
A beat. ADA examines her cuticles.

ADA
I smell them on her when she comes back.

SAM
I’m always asleep when she comes back.

ADA
That’s ’cause you don’t care about her as much as I do. I’m always careful
to sleep lightly when she goes out, so that I can make sure she’s all right
when she comes back. Last night she left the car running in the driveway
with all the lights on and everything, and when I went down to see why the
engine was still on, Mommy was still in the car, behind the wheel, asleep
with her mouth open. I guess she fell asleep while she was getting out of the
car or something. I picked her up and helped her up the stairs and into bed. I
help everyone. I’m always so nice.
(Beat; she thinks about how nice she is; sighs.)
I could smell the cigarettes on her really strongly. This morning I asked her
why she fell asleep in the car and she yelled at me. She told me not to judge
her, and that she deserves to have fun like everyone else . …
(Beat; considers …)
… which I guess makes sense.
Beat.

SAM
I heard her yelling at you.

ADA
I know. I don’t know why she always yells at me and not at you. I don’t
know why you never come to help me when she’s yelling at me.
(Beat.)
I was mad that she yelled at me so I snooped in her bag while she was
pooping and I found the cigarettes. She smokes Newport Ultra Lights.

SAM
How do you know? How do you know all this stuff I don’t???

ADA
I don’t know, maybe I’m more observant.

SAM
I’m observant. You used to say I’d make a good detective.

ADA
Well you’re not observant anymore. You always have your head up your ass
now, with your homework, with your dumb comic strips.

SAM
They’re called graphic novellas.

ADA

(Suddenly jumping down her throat.)

HEY. I’m not stupid, Sam! Just because I’m really pretty and I don’t love
getting all A’s and drawing stupid comics like you doesn’t mean I’m like a
dumb idiot.

SAM

(Rubbing her eyes.)

I never … said that …!

ADA

(With a sudden fiery intensity.)

I write mon-o-logues and I practice them and edit them and practice them
again. And you seem to think it’s all a joke—yooooou just can’t wait to get
back to your gay little drawings. But you’re gonna be sorry. Do you know
why?
(Getting up in SAM’s face.)
Do. You. Know. Why?
SAM shakes her head, meekly.

SAM
N-no…

ADA
Because I’m gonna grow up to be a huge success! A giant movie star, on
the silver screen—ten feet wide, twenty feet high! And the whole world will
parade my funeral in Times Square!!!
A beat. SAM rubs her eyes.

SAM
Okay. I’m sorry. I know you take … acting … seriously. …

ADA
It’s a craft.

SAM
I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to … belittle it. …
Beat.

ADA
What’s “belittle” mean?

SAM

(Sweetly.)
It doesn’t matter.
SAM reaches her arms toward ADA, trying to hug her. ADA brushes
her away.

ADA
Euuugh, don’t hug me. You’re all sweaty on account of beginning puberty.

SAM

(Baffled.)
No, I’m not. …
 ADA

(Turning away from her; casually.)

Often we can’t sense these things in ourselves.
Devastated, SAM smells under her armpits.
ADA begins practicing ballet moves again.
A beat. Then—

SAM
I’m gonna go change. Then can we hug?

ADA

(Doing a relevé.)
Why do you care so much about hugging? That’s so gay.

SAM
I don’t like it when we fight. I like to … create closure … with a hug. …

ADA

(Doing a plié.)
This isn’t a fight.

SAM
Well … when it’s weird, then. …

ADA

(Doing an arabesque; aggressive.)

It’s not weird—it’s never weird with us, remember???

SAM
You’re right, you’re right—it’s never weird.
ADA turns away from SAM, continues practicing ballet moves.
 SAM watches her, enraptured.
A beat. Then—

SAM
I’m sorry, Ada.

ADA

(Dancing; sing-song.)
Okaaayyy. …

SAM
I love you Ada.

ADA

(Dancing; absently, sing-song.)

I kno-o-o-owww. …

SAM
I…
(Her voice cracking, ever so slightly.)
I … need you … Ada ….
ADA ignores her, sings to herself as she dances.

ADA

(Singing to herself.)
I just … can’t help …

SAM
… Ada …?

ADA

(Ignoring SAM; singing to herself.)

… but think … I am …

SAM
Ada? Say you—need me, too. …

ADA

(Continuing to ignore SAM; dancing and singing to herself.)

… extreeeeeeeeemely … beeeeautifuuuul …!
SAM looks at ADA, rubs her eyes; then—she runs off.
Oblivious—in her own world—ADA continues to dance. She
pirouettes, fiercely. One, two, three.
Then—she looks at her arm.

SAM

(Calling off to SAM; gleeful.)

It’s bruising!!!
SCENE 2

ADA and DORRIE make cutout snowflakes in their classroom, as

ten-year-olds. They both wear the same school uniform. ADA has
a new string of beads around her neck.
DORRIE is sweet-looking but has terrible, terrible acne all over her
face and body. She also moves with a slight, almost undetectable
limp.

ADA
What’s wrong with your face.

DORRIE
What?

ADA
WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOUR FACE???

DORRIE
Oh. Um. I have “childhood acne.”

ADA
What’s that.

DORRIE
It means—it means I have “pathological precocious puberty” which is “the
early onset of puberty caused by an underlying medical condition” which in
my case is an endocrine disorder.
 ADA
What’s an endocrine disorder.

DORRIE
It means my glands excrete sex hormones too early.

ADA
Hahahaha!

DORRIE
It’s not funny.

ADA
I’ll laugh at what I want to!

DORRIE
Sorry.

ADA
Also it is funny.

DORRIE
Okay.
(Beat.)

ADA
Why do you walk with a limp.

DORRIE
I don’t.

ADA
Yeah you do.

DORRIE
Shoot. You noticed that?

ADA
Yuppers.

DORRIE
Shoot. I thought I was hiding it. I have early-onset fibromyalgia. I guess I
have a lot of problems.

ADA
What other problems do you have.

DORRIE
Just, others.

ADA
Like what? I find problems int-er-est-ing.

DORRIE
Oh, just irritable bowel syndrome (I had to have a colonoscopy even though
I’m only ten, it was sad), and I have insomnia—sometimes I lie in bed all
night just waiting to fall asleep and then it never happens and then I just get
out of bed and go to school in the morning as if everything is normal except
I didn’t sleep at all the night before, it’s scary, and then sometimes I fall
asleep in class the next day, it’s so embarrassing, and the teacher gets mad
at me, she’s like, “DORRIE! DON’T FALL ASLEEP IN CLASS!” because
she thinks I’m falling asleep because I’m bored but I’m not—I have a
medical condition! Also I have a fair amount of psychiatric problems? Like
I take Cymbalta, Buspirone and Geodon for depression-slash-anxiety, also I
have very mild ADHD I guess but the doctor says I don’t need to take
medication for that but I wish I did because I like taking medication, also I
pick all the skin off my thumbs because of my anxiety so I have barely any
skin on my thumbs wanna see no never mind my mom said I should stop
showing people, also I’ve had fourteen teeth pulled, I had two rows of teeth
at one point—when I ate mashed potatoes I had to spit them out ’cause they
were so bloody because my mouth was so bloody, and that’s it I guess those
are all my problems.
(She smiles, queasily.)

ADA
So that’s why no one talks to you, huh?

DORRIE
I guess.
Beat.

ADA
What’s your name?

DORRIE
Dorrie.

ADA
I like that name.

DORRIE
Thanks.

ADA
I’m Ada.

DORRIE
I know.

ADA
No one talks to me either.

DORRIE
I know.
 ADA

(Suddenly defensive.)
What do you mean?!

DORRIE
I just—I see you, with your sister, all the time. Your twin?

ADA
She’s not my twin—she’s a year younger.

DORRIE
Oh.

ADA
Our mom had sex twice, like nine months apart.

DORRIE
Okay.

ADA
Just kidding. I don’t know. She’s in our grade, though. She skipped a grade.
I fucking hate how smart she is, sometimes.

DORRIE
She looks nice.

ADA
She’s an asshole. There’s something wrong with her.

DORRIE
Really?

ADA
Idunno.
 A beat.
They continue making their cutout snowflakes.

ADA
Why do we have to make these gay-ass snowflakes anyway?

DORRIE
For the winter dance.

ADA
I wish this was a Halloween dance.

DORRIE
Me too.

ADA
You’re just saying that ’cause I said it.

DORRIE
Yeah.
Beat.

ADA
What’s your name?

DORRIE
I just told you.

ADA
I forgot already. You’re not very memorable.

DORRIE
Oh. It’s Dorrie.

ADA
I remembered that time.

DORRIE
Sorry.
Beat.

ADA
I could be popular, you know. If I didn’t have my sister, holding me back.

DORRIE
Yeah, you could, definitely, I bet.

ADA
Let’s hang out sometime.

DORRIE
Okay!
A beat; ADA studies DORRIE.

ADA
What’s your name again?

DORRIE
Dorrie.

ADA
Dorrie.

DORRIE
Thanks.
SCENE 3

The sisters’ kitchen, empty. The phone rings.

Sound of the girls clumping quickly down the stairs. Then—both
girls come running in, sprinting toward the phone.

ADA

(Running to the phone.)

I’ll get it! It’s probably for me.
She picks up the phone. SAM pants, stands near her; listens.

ADA

(Into phone.)
Hello?
(Beat.)
Oh hey!
(Beat.)
Haha f. …
(Beat.)
Hahaha you’re funny, haha. …
SAM mouths “Who is it?”
ADA ignores her.

ADA
 (Into phone.)
That’s so sweet! Oh my gosh, you’re soooooo sweet.
SAM mouths “Who is it?” again.
ADA ignores her.

ADA
No you! No you. No you you you you you you YOU HAHAHAHAHA!
SAM mouths “Who is it?” again, a bit more frantically.

ADA

(Into phone:)
Hold on one second?
(To SAM:)
It’s Dorrie.
(Into phone:)
Hi, what were you saying …?
(Beat.)
Hey can I give you a call later? And let you know???
(Beat.)
Okay. …
(Beat; laughs.)
Okay …!
(Beat; laughs; in a funny voice:)
HO-O-O-O-KAAAAY!
ADA laughs.
SAM laughs too, at ADA’s funny voice.
ADA looks sternly at SAM.
 A beat. Then—

ADA

(Into phone:)
Okayloveyoubye.
ADA hangs up.
A beat.
Then—

SAM
That was Dorrie?

ADA
Yeah.

SAM
Cool.

ADA
What?

SAM
What? Nothing.

ADA
You seem weird now.

SAM

(A bit defensive.)
Okay. …

ADA
What???
 SAM
I’m not.

ADA
Okay.

SAM
Okay.
(Beat.)
Good.
Beat.

ADA
You do seem weird, though.

SAM
Well, I don’t feel weird.

ADA
Okay. …
(Beat.)
But I’m saying you seem weird to me, and you can’t really deny that.

SAM
Well. … I guess I can’t “deny” the way I seem to you but—

ADA
Right, you can’t.

SAM
Right, I know, I just said that.

ADA
Okay.

SAM
Okay.
A beat.
SAM smiles, widely, at ADA, to show she is not feeling weird.
ADA smiles back, mockingly, at SAM.

SAM
What?!?

ADA
See?!? Something’s weird!

SAM
No it’s not, it’s just weird now since you said I seemed weird.

ADA
Right, but if you seem weird to me, then something is weird, is what I’m
saying.
(Beat.)
And it makes me feel weird.
(Beat.)
Because if there are two people and one of them feels weird then the other
person is going to, too.
(Beat.)
I mean like I can’t control how I’m feeling—I just feel.
Beat. SAM is silent.

ADA
Okay. … Well, maybe I can’t tell how you’re feeling. …
 SAM

(Very defensive.)
No, you can’t.

ADA
I know I can’t, Sam, that’s why I just said that.

SAM
What?! Why are you being like that?!?

ADA
Like what?!?

SAM
Nothing.
Beat.

ADA
Were you going to say … “weird”?

SAM
No.
Beat.

ADA

(With mischievous humor.)

I think you we-e-e-e-ere. …

SAM

(With a little smile.)

No. …

ADA
 (Playful; sing-song.)
I think you were … were were were were were …!
As ADAsings this improvised song, she creeps her fingers up
SAM’s arm, like a little spider, sort of tickling her.

Suddenly, SAM swats ADA’s hand away—almost violently.

SAM
No, I wasn’t! I was gonna say—I don’t know what I was gonna say, that’s
why I didn’t say it.

ADA

(Stunned by SAM’s outburst.)

Okay.
ADA looks away.
SAM’s eyes stay on ADA, for a moment; then—she looks away, too.
A long, long moment of the two of them not doing anything, just
looking away from each other.
SAM begins to twist the tip of her sock around her wrist, anxiously.
When the silence is almost excruciating—
SAM coughs.

ADA

(Without looking at her.)

Bless you.
Beat.

SAM

(Not looking at her.)

That was a cough. You don’t need to say “bless you” for a cough.
 Beat.

ADA
I’m going to open the cellar door. For some ventilation.

SAM
I don’t care.
ADA gets up and opens the cellar door. Then, she sits back down.
They go back to sitting and not looking at each other.
SAM pulls her twisted-up sock off her foot, and ties it around her
wrist. She suddenly laughs to herself.

SAM

(Softly.)
… hahahaha ….

ADA

(Without looking at SAM; softly.)

What are you laughing at.

SAM
Nothing.
(Beat.)
I made a sock-bracelet.
(ADA turns and looks.)
I thought it was funny.
Beat.

ADA
It is.
 SAM
Oh. Good.
A beat. Then–
ADA reaches down and pulls her sock off her foot. She tries to tie
it around her wrist, but it is too short.

ADA
My sock is too short.

SAM
Here.
SAM takes her other sock off her other foot and ties it onto ADA’s
wrist.

ADA

(Smiles.)
Thanks.

SAM

(Admires her sock-bracelet.)

Now we’re sock-bracelet sisters.

ADA
Yaaaaay. Sock-bracelet sisters.
They make their sock-bracelets play with each other and kiss
each other, etc.
ADA & SAM

(Together; improvising a song.)

Sock-bracelet sisters, la la la la la la, singing in the la la, loodie doodie doo
doo. …
They crack each other up with their made-up lyrics.
 ADA & SAM
Hahahahaha!
They make their sock-bracelets high-five each other.

ADA & SAM

(High-fiving each other’s arms with their sock-bracelets.)
Yeah!
They laugh.

ADA & SAM

Hahahahaha!!!
Then—ADA swats SAM in the face with her sock-bracelet arm,
playfully.

ADA

(Playfully swatting.)
Bam!

SAM
Ohh!
They laugh.

ADA & SAM

Hahahahaha!!!
Then—SAM shoves ADA, backwards, playfully.

SAM

(Playfully shoving.)
BOOM!!

ADA
OOOH!!
They laugh.

ADA & SAM

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Then—ADA pushes SAM, hard, backwards, playfully.

ADA

(Playfully pushing.)
SHAZZZAAAMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!

SAM

(Falling on her butt.)

AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEE!!!!!!
They laugh and laugh and laugh.

& SAM ADA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
!!
When the laughter dies down …
They let out a simultaneous, satisfied sigh.

ADA & SAM

(A simultaneous sigh.)
Huuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh ….
Beat. Then—

ADA

(Helping SAM up.)

I’m glad it’s not weird anymore.
 SAM
Me too.
(Beat.)

ADA
So you’re saying you did think it was weird before. …

SAM
Oh my god Ada—

ADA
But you just—

SAM
Oh my god!

ADA
But you said—
SAM suddenly lunges toward ADA and claps her hand over ADA’s
mouth. It is an action that is playful, but also serious.

SAM
Will you stop?
ADA nods.

SAM
Will you???
ADA nods.

SAM
I mean it. I know I’m smiling right now because you’re annoying me in a
funny way, but sometimes it’s not in a funny way, and I do really need you
to stop, I’m serious.
 ADA nods.

SAM
Okay.
(Beat.)
Good.
SAM slowly removes her hand from ADA’s mouth, keeping her eyes
glued on ADA. ADA is being silent, behaving herself.
Then—
ADA suddenly darts out her tongue and licks SAM’s hand, slowly.
SAM is alarmed. Frozen.
Then—so is ADA.
Beat.
Beat.
They stay frozen, looking at each other.
A beat.
Then—

ADA
Um.

SAM
Okay.

ADA
Um.

SAM
Well …
 ADA
Yeah …

SAM
Okay, so this is a moment in which …

ADA
In which …?

SAM
In which we can decide …

ADA
Right, decide …

SAM
Decide whether it is weird …

ADA

(Catching her drift.)

Right, or … not … weird …

SAM
Right, and so let’s decide …

ADA
Let’s both decide …
Beat.
Beat.
Beat.

ADA & SAM

Not.
 SAM

(Smiling.)
Not.

ADA

(Smiling.)
Not!

SAM
Good.

ADA
Okay. Good.
Beat. They smile at each other.

SAM

(Blurting it out.)
Do you love me more than Dorrie?

ADA
What?

SAM

(Instantly mortified.)
Nothing.
SAM’s eyes start to well up.
She looks away from ADA.
ADA holds her gaze on SAM.
Beat. Then–
SAM coughs.
 ADA
Bless you. …

SAM
Thanks.

ADA
Are you okay?
SAM rubs her eyes.

SAM
My contact lenses.

ADA
Maybe you should get new contact lens solution.
ADA gets up and starts to walk away.
Before she can leave—
SAM sobs, once—loudly.
She immediately tries to pretend it didn’t happen.

ADA
… sam …?

SAM

(Highly defensive.)
It was a cough!!!

ADA
Sam what’s wrong???
A beat. SAM weeps.

SAM
Oh Ada. …
(Weeps.)
I want to die …!
(She weeps.)
I want to die … so bad …!
ADA looks at her. A beat. Then—

ADA

(Softly.)
You can’t say stuff like that, Sam. …

SAM
But it’s true …!

ADA
But you still can’t … say it …! People will think …
(Beat.)
… you’re a … freak. …
SAM weeps.

ADA
Don’t say stuff like that.
(Beat.)
Don’t think it.
(Beat.)
Just …
(Beat; considers …)
… be happy …! All the time. Like me!
(She laughs, to demonstrate how happy she is.)
Hahahahaha!!!
ADA begins practicing ballet moves; she sings, softly, to herself.

ADA

(Singing to herself.)
… I just can’t help … but think I am …
SAM weeps. ADA looks at her.
A beat. Then–

ADA
Do you want a tissue …?
Beat.

SAM
No.
(Beat; darkly.)
I’m happy.
Beat.

ADA

(Brightly.)
Good!
SAM continues to cry.
A beat. Then—
The phone rings. They look at it.

ADA
I’ll get it. It’s probably for me.
(Beat.)
I’m gonna pick it up in the other room.
(Beat; pointedly.)
I would like the privacy.
ADA prances into the other room.
SAM stares at the phone as it continues to ring.
A beat. Then—
ADA picks up the phone in the other room.

ADA

(From the other room.)

Hello? …
(Beat.)
Hey D. “Whaddup?”
SAM picks up the phone in the kitchen and listens to ADA and
DORRIE’s conversation.

ADA
Hahaha wouldn’t it be funny if I actually talked like that? Hahahaha.
“WHADDUP???” Hahahahaha.
(Beat.)
Okay it wasn’t that funny stop laughing so much.
SAM rubs her eyes; stops crying. Listens with laser-sharp focus.

ADA
Uh-huh …?
(Beat.)
Uh-huh …????
(Beat.)
Okay I love you so much!
(Beat.)
Forever and ever.
(Beat.)
And ever and EVER!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
SAM slowly hangs up the phone as ADA continues to laugh on the
phone with DORRIE.
SAM’s eyes fix with a steely resolve.
SCENE 4

SAM and DORRIE at softball practice. They wait to go up at bat.

SAM spits on the ground.

SAM
You’re my sister’s friend.

DORRIE
Sorry?

SAM
YOU’RE MY SISTER’S FRIEND???

DORRIE
Oh. Yeah. I guess. Am I?

SAM
I don’t know. She talks about you.

DORRIE
She does?

SAM
Yeah.

DORRIE
What does she say?
 SAM
You’re up.

DORRIE
What?

SAM
You’re up at bat?

DORRIE

(Panicking.)
Oh!
DORRIE jumps up, runs offstage. After some moments … she comes
back.

DORRIE

(Confused.)
I wasn’t up at bat.
SAM spits.

SAM
I know.

DORRIE
Why did you say I was?

SAM
It was a joke. I guess you don’t have a very good sense of humor.

DORRIE
Oh.
Beat.
 SAM
You’re up at bat.

DORRIE
No I’m not.

SAM
No, you really are this time.

DORRIE
Okay.
DORRIE exits.
Then, she comes back. She just sits down.
SAM spits.
DORRIE closes her eyes and opens her palms, rests them on her
knees.

SAM
You weren’t up at bat that time either, were you?
DORRIE doesn’t respond.

SAM
What are you doing?

DORRIE
Meditating.

SAM
That’s so gay.
DORRIE ignores her, keeps meditating.

SAM
How do you know how to do that?

DORRIE

(Her eyes still closed.)

I learned it in therapy.

SAM
You go to therapy???

DORRIE
My doctor thinks my acne might be stress-related, so I go to therapy.
(Beat; opens her eyes.)
I have stress-related childhood acne.

SAM
I don’t even know what to say to that.
DORRIE resumes meditating.
A beat. Then—

SAM
You should stay away from my sister, you know.
DORRIE keeps meditating.

SAM
HEY. Pay attention.
Beat. DORRIE opens one eye.

SAM
Why does she like you???

DORRIE
I don’t know.
 SAM
That’s what I thought.
Beat.
DORRIE resumes meditating.
SAM watches. Spits.
A beat.
Then–

SAM
I think we got off on the wrong foot. I’m Sam.
SAM extends her hand to DORRIE.

DORRIE

(Opens one eye, extends her hand.)

I’m Dorrie.
They shake hands.
A beat. Then—
DORRIE looks off.

DORRIE
I think you’re up at bat.

SAM
Very funny. I like that—a girl with wit.

DORRIE
No, seriously, you’re really up at bat, I think.

SAM
Oh really???
 (Looks up.)
Oh fuck, I am! Shit!
SAM runs off.
DORRIE smiles to herself. A beat. Then—
SAM comes jogging back.

SAM

(Out of breath.)
I just want you to know—before I go up at bat: I’m not your friend. I’m just
keeping an eye on you.
(Beat.)
For my sister.

DORRIE
Okay.

SAM
Okay.
(Beat.)
Good.
SAM jogs away.
A beat. DORRIE smiles to herself.

DORRIE

(Softly, to herself:)
Now I have two.
SCENE 5

The voices of three girls scream: “TEENAGERS!!!”

ADA and DORRIE sit in front of their laptops, at DORRIE’s house.
The girls are now seventeen. They wear different uniforms. ADA’s
skirt is rolled up even higher. She wears several long strings of
beads.

ADA
Lemme see yours.

DORRIE
It’s not finished.

ADA
Lemme see it.

DORRIE
No!

ADA
Come on!

DORRIE
Ada …!
ADA shoves her face right in front of DORRIE’s face.

ADA
DORRIE!
DORRIE is looking at ADA’s face; she seems entranced. …

DORRIE

(Almost involuntarily.)
Wow. …

ADA

(Pulling away, slightly.)

What.

DORRIE
I was just—your eyes … they’re so—big. … You’re so … pretty …

ADA
Really?

DORRIE

(Somewhat embarrassed.)
Yeah.

ADA
Awww! Thanks.
ADA wraps her arms around DORRIE and squeezes her, tight.
DORRIE beams, and giggles like a little schoolgirl.

DORRIE
Mmmm … it feels so good when you hold me, Ada, just like this. …
DORRIE nuzzles her head into ADA’s bosom.

ADA

(Absently; creeping her hand toward DORRIE’s laptop.)

Mmmm, I know … it feels so gooooood, right …?
Suddenly, ADA snatches DORRIE’s laptop.

ADA

(Snatching laptop.)
Yoinkers!

DORRIE

(Alarmed.)
Ada!

ADA
I’m gonna read it one way or another, Dorrie, so you might as well just let
me, now.

DORRIE

(Miserable.)
Fine.

ADA

(Cheerfully.)
Ha ha, I always win.
ADA begins to read from DORRIE’s laptop.

ADA
“My College Essay: By Dorrie Wasserman”—great title, Dorrie, haha— “If
I had to describe one pivotal experience in my short life, it would be the
moment I met …” oh my god. …

DORRIE

(Mortified.)
Oh no.
 ADA
It’s … about …
(Beat.)
me …!

DORRIE

(Hiding her face in her hands.)

I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die …!
ADA throws her arms around DORRIE.

ADA
Oh Dorrie, you angel—you absolute angel …!
DORRIE begins to cry.

DORRIE
Oh Ada—I’m so embarrassed …!
ADA ignores her, continues reading aloud. DORRIE’s face grows
redder and redder.

ADA
“I never thought I could be friends with Ada. She was the pinnacle of
perfection”—oh, Dorrie!—“and I had long suffered social ostracism as a
result of having debilitating childhood acne and many other humiliating
ailments.”
(Beat; considers…)
Well … I don’t think you need to tell the colleges that. …

DORRIE

(Softly.)
My college advisor said it would breed sympathy. …
(Beat. ADA considers. …)
 ADA
I didn’t think of that. …
A beat. ADA skims through the rest of the essay.

ADA
Wow, this is—aside from the stupid font you used—this is really amazing.
…

DORRIE

(With some pride.)

Thank you.
Beat.

ADA
Give it to me.

DORRIE
What?

ADA
Give me your essay.

DORRIE

(Doom setting in.)

Ada . …

ADA

(A threat.)
Dorrie.

DORRIE

(Nearly choking on her own voice.)

Ada. Please …!

ADA
Dorrie? I’ve given you so much. What have you ever given me???

DORRIE

(Beat; she tries not to cry.)

I love that essay. I worked hard on it. My mom already proofread it …!
ADA begins to twirl a strand of DORRIE’s hair around her finger,
affectionately.

ADA

(Twirling DORRIE’s hair; sweetly.)

Write another essay about, oh I don’t know, any of your other problems.
You have soooooo many problems, Dorrie. I don’t have anything to write
about that will help me garner sympathy.

DORRIE

(Almost a croak.)
Ada. …
Beat. ADA stops twirling DORRIE’s hair.

ADA
I will never be your friend if you don’t do this for me.

DORRIE

(Goes white.)
Ada …!

ADA
I will never speak to you again.

DORRIE
 (Cries.)
Ada—please …!
Now, ADA begins to cry.

ADA
I’m so scared, Dorrie! I’m so scared I won’t get in! That place is my dream
school …! And you’ll get in, and Sam will get in, and what will happen to
me …?! Everyone will leave me and I’ll be stuck in my house all alone with
no one to love me, and—
She chokes on her own sobs. She sobs.
DORRIE reaches out a hand and rubs her back.

DORRIE
Oh, Ada. …
A beat. Then—

DORRIE

(Gulps; wiping away her tears.)

You can have it, Ada. I’ll write another essay. It won’t take long.
(Gulps; wipes away tears; smiles.)
You can have it.

ADA

(Gleeful.)
Oh, thank you, Dorrie!
ADA lunges for DORRIE and wraps her in her arms. She covers
DORRIE’s face with kisses—then pulls away.

ADA
Euuugh. Your face tastes terrible.
 DORRIE

(Glumly.)
It’s my acne medication.

ADA
Well… look, Dorrie. This is how much I love you.
ADA protrudes her tongue and licks DORRIE’s face, from her chin
up to her hairline, slowly. DORRIE can’t help but beam.

ADA
Sam would never do something this selfless for me. You’ve taken this
friendship … to the next level.

DORRIE
Oh, Ada! You don’t know how happy you make me!
Beat. They smile at each other.

ADA
Now!
(Hands DORRIE’s laptop back to her.)
Start changing the name “Ada” to “Dorrie,” so it’s from my perspective,
’K?

DORRIE

(Almost excited, now.)

Okay …!

ADA

(Gathering her belongings,)

And send it to me when you’re done. I’m gonna go hang out with Sam.

DORRIE
But, Ada—

ADA
Love you forever and ever!!
She kisses DORRIE on top of her head, and skips out of there.

ADA

(Singing to herself cheerfully.)

Ha-ha-ha-ha-HA-ha…!
DORRIE looks after her. Then, she turns back to her computer.
Her eyes fix with a steely resolve.
She types.
SCENE 6

ADA and SAM at their kitchen table. They wear pretty spring
dresses. SAM wears a graduation cap. ADA looks like she has been
crying. She has a graduation cap in front of her.
There is a bottle of whiskey on the table.

ADA

(Hoarsely.)
You could at least take your stupid cap off.

SAM

(Taking it off.)
Sorry.
(Beat.)

SAM
I thought it would be funny to leave—

ADA

(Cutting her off.)

It’s not.

SAM
Sorry.
A beat. SAM takes her cap off. They stare at the whiskey bottle.
 SAM
I understand you’re in pain.
(Beat; she reaches her hand across the table and puts it over
ADA’s hand)
You’re not alone. …

ADA

(Jerking her hand away.)

Lesbo.

SAM

(Stung.)
Hey.
A beat. They stare at the whiskey bottle.

ADA

(Snorts.)
I should have known. I should have known …! You got in and Dorrie got
waitlisted and I got fucking rejected. Isn’t that alllllways the way it is.
Everyone thinks the pretty girls get it all. Really all we get is shit. Shit. We
eat shit our whole lives and we wipe it off our mouths like the ladies we are,
but really, all we’re doing is eating shit, day in and day out, our whole
goddamn lives. …
(Beat.)

SAM

(Softly.)
Come on, Ada. It’s okay. Let’s just go to Dorrie’s stupid graduation party
and get it over with.
ADA starts to cry.
 ADA

(Hanging her head in her hands; weeping.)

That school was all I wanted! I can’t believe you’re going there…!
A beat. Then—

ADA
Don’t go there.

SAM
Ada. …

ADA

(Crying pathetically.)
Go anywhere else! Just not there! I can’t live with it if you go there …!

SAM

(Softly.)
P.F. Touchane teaches there. He’s my hero, Ada.

ADA
You’re not even a very good artist.
(Beat.)

SAM

(With conviction.)
Yes, I am.

ADA
I’ve seen your stuff. It’s cheap. It’s all about Mom and what a drunk she is.
Wah wah, build a bridge and get over it.
SAM gets up and crosses to the kitchen cupboard.
 SAM

(Soft, but firm.)

I write about what I know.
SAM takes a glass out of the cupboard, crosses to the refrigerator
and takes out a glass bottle of milk. She pops the top off, and
pours some milk into the glass.

ADA

(Emotional.)
How do you think Mom would feel about you exploiting her like that?

SAM
I don’t care how she feels—she’s not a good mom and she knows it.

ADA

(Suddenly very emotional.)

You have to care for sick people, Sam! You can’t just let them die …!
ADA weeps, at a loss. She hangs her head in her hands. SAM sips
her milk, watches her sister.

ADA
Oh god. Oh, god …!
SAM looks at her sister, then looks at the bottle of whiskey on the
table.

SAM

(Softly.)
Why don’t you just drink it …?

ADA

(Weeps.)
I’m scared …!

SAM
I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.

ADA
How would you know? You’ve never drank either.

SAM
I know it makes Mom feel better when she wants to die. …

ADA
I don’t “want to die,” Sam—I’m not a fucking freak. …
ADA hangs her head in her hands.
SAM watches, in pain.

SAM
I hate seeing you so sad.
(Beat.)
It’ll help. I promise.
ADA looks up, stares at the whiskey bottle.
A beat. Then—

ADA
I’m gonna drink it.

SAM
Good.

ADA
Have some with me.
A beat; SAM considers. …
 SAM
Okay. But you can have most of it. You’re sadder.

ADA
Thanks.
SAM gets a new glass out of the cupboard, pours some milk into
the new glass.
ADA takes the whiskey, unscrews the cap, smells it.

SAM
We can even bring some with us to the party, in a water bottle—I’ve seen
Mom do that.
SAM pours some whiskey into ADA’s glass of milk, then pours a
tiny bit into her own glass.

ADA
I need more.

SAM
Really?

ADA
If I’m gonna get drunk, I might as well get really drunk.
SAM pours more whiskey into ADA’s glass of milk.

ADA
Thanks.

SAM
Cheers.

ADA
Cheers.
 They cheers. Then—
They both drink.
SAM shudders and puts her glass down after a sip.
ADA drains her glass.
A beat. Then—

SAM
How do you feel …?
Beat. ADA considers. …

ADA

(A new light in her eyes.)

Like an adult.
SCENE 7

DORRIE’s kitchen. The space is decorated with pink and blue

balloons that say “CONGRATULATIONS DORRIE!” on them;
music and laughter are heard from outside. It is late afternoon—
dusk is falling.
ADA, alone, leans against the kitchen counter, with a water bottle,
which is filled with a milky brown liquid. She takes a swig. She
puts it down. She begins to do a dance. It is a strange, twisty,
balletic dance. She incorporates some of the moves we saw her do
as a ten-year-old. She dances slowly at first, then begins to pick
up steam. She becomes increasingly graceful, even daring high
jumps and challenging spins. She sings to herself softly as she
dances.

ADA
… you’ve got a friend in me … you’ve got a friend in me …!
Eventually, worn out, she stops dancing; She pants. She leans her
hands on her knees, tries to catch her breath. She straightens up,
and wobbles a bit as she lunges for her water bottle. She takes a
deep swig from the water bottle. She looks at the air in front of
her, her gaze cloudy.
A beat. Then—
DORRIE flies in.

DORRIE

(Surprised.)
Oh, Ada!

ADA
Dorrie.

DORRIE

(Faltering.)
I—I didn’t know you were … in here. …

ADA

(Cutting her off; slurring her words a bit.)

I’m just resting. …
(Beat.)

DORRIE
Are you all right …? Ada …?
ADA lifts her head, heavily. She fixes her gaze on DORRIE, blearily.

ADA

(Still slurring, slightly.)

I’m fantastic.
A beat. DORRIE looks at ADA. She hesitates, then moves closer to
her.

DORRIE

(Gulps.)
Ada.

ADA

(Thickly.)
What.
 DORRIE
I need to—tell you … something. …
A beat. ADA looks at DORRIE—her gaze cloudy, but somehow
focused.

ADA
What.
DORRIE whimpers, softly.

DORRIE

(Tiny voice.)
Oh, Ada. … I’m so scared!

ADA

(Heavily.)
You got in.
DORRIE begins to cry.

DORRIE
Oh, Ada. …

ADA
You got in off the waitlist. Didn’t you. You got in.
A terrible, heavy beat.
DORRIE just looks at ADA, and cries. Then—
She nods.
A beat. Then—
ADA slams her hands down on DORRIE’s shoulders and stares at
her.
 DORRIE shakes, petrified.
A beat. Then—
ADA pulls DORRIE into a fierce, tight hug. DORRIE trembles with
relief.

DORRIE
Oh! Ada …!
DORRIE relaxes, hugs ADA back.

DORRIE

(Voice trembling.)
You’re—you’re not m-mad?

ADA
No. I’m not.

DORRIE

(Joyously relieved.)
I thought you’d be so m-mad … at me …!

ADA

(Realizing it for the first time.)

I don’t care anymore. I. Don’t. Care.
ADA releases her hold on DORRIE but keeps her hands on DORRIE’s
shoulders.

ADA
Oh, Dorrie—It’s the strangest thing …!
(Beat; considers …)
… It’s so wonderful …!
(She giggles like a little girl.)
I just don’t care about a darn thing!
(Begins to dance again.)
I just … don’t … care …!

DORRIE

(A little scared.)
Are you a-all right, Ada?

ADA
Congratulations, Dorrie. I wish you all the luck in the world!
ADA plants two hard, wet kisses on DOORIE’s cheeks. DOORIE
beams.

DORRIE
Oh! I’m so happy you’re not mad at me, Ada …!

ADA

(A sudden pang of guilt—a sudden moment of clarity.)

Ohhh. … I’m so mean, aren’t I?

DORRIE

(Panicking.)
Mean? No, you’re not mean. You’re—you. There’s no one else like you.
That’s why everyone wants to be around you, all the time!

ADA

(Suddenly beginning to cry.)

No one wants to be around me all the time! I don’t even have any friends,
besides you and Sam …!

DORRIE

(Trying desperately to soothe her.)

Well that’s because you—intimidate people, Ada …!
(Beat; she strokes ADA’s hair.)
You shine. … Like a star …!
A beat.

ADA

(Wiping tears away.)

Really?
DORRIE nods, sweetly.

DORRIE

(Wiping away ADA’s tears, gently.)

You’ll be a huge success in college! And I do believe there’s a reason for
everything—my meditation practice tells me so. There’s a reason you’re
meant to go … wherever you go.
A beat. ADA takes a swig from her water bottle.

DORRIE
What are you drinking?

ADA
Milk.

DORRIE
In a … water bottle …??
Beat.

ADA
Uh-huh.

DORRIE
Why’s it brown???
 ADA
I dunno.
Beat.

DORRIE
Okay.
(Beat.)
Oh Ada, we’re both going to be so happy—I know it! And now Sam and I
can really get to know each other. Now we can all three be friends. Sam and
Ada and Dorrie …!
ADA teeters.

ADA

(Stumbling.)
… Dorrie. …

DORRIE
Oh! Do you not feel well, Ada …?

ADA

(Slurring her words.)

I don’tfeelthat well. …

DORRIE
Drink something.

ADA
I will.
ADA swigs from her water bottle.

DORRIE

(Burrowing herself in ADA’s bosom.)

Oh, Ada. I love you more and more each day.

ADA

(Absently patting DORRIE’s head.)

Thank you, D—
Before she can get the word out, ADA throws up … on DORRIE.
ADA laughs.

DORRIE
Oh no, Ada—you’re sick! Lemme—lemme get you a. …
DORRIE grabs a handkerchief out of her pocket and begins to try to
wipe the vomit off ADA’s face.
ADA keeps laughing—she throws her arms up in the air and
begins spinning, and singing to herself.

ADA

(Sings.)
I jusssst … can’t help … but think I am … extreeeemely …
beeeaauuutifullll…!
DORRIE continues to try to wipe ADA’s vomit off ADA’s face while
ADA spins.

DORRIE
I’ll go get Sam—and tell her to take you home, Ada. She’ll put you to bed.
…
ADA stops spinning.
She leans both hands on DORRIE’s shoulders to steady herself.
She looks into DORRIE’s eyes with absolute conviction.

ADA
 (A spirited whisper.)
You don’t understand, do you? Dorrie, Dorrie—you big old fool …! Oh
Dorrie …
(Beat; she stares right into DORRIE’s terrified eyes:)
I’m just getting started!
SCENE 8

DORRIE’s kitchen, several hours later. It is now dark outside.

DORRIE is cleaning up the remnants of her party. She hums
contentedly to herself as she cleans.
A beat. Then—
SAM enters DORRIE’s kitchen, quietly. She has a pencil tucked
behind her ear. DORRIE doesn’t see her. SAM observes DORRIE for a
moment. Then—

SAM
Hello, Dorrie.
DORRIE wheels around, surprised.

DORRIE

(Sort of scared.)
Oh! Sam …! I didn’t know—you were—didn’t you … go home …? With
Ada …?

SAM
I thought you might need some help cleaning up.

DORRIE
Oh.
(Sort of queasily.)
Thank you. …
 SAM begins to help DORRIE clean.
They work in silence.
A beat. Then—

SAM
Have a fun party?

DORRIE
Oh, sure. It was super … fun. …
(Beat.)
Did you have fun …?

SAM
Sure.
(Hops off her chair.)
Loads of it.
SAM picks up a balloon that has fallen to the ground, studies it. …

DORRIE

(Weakly.)
Yaaaay. …
SAM surreptiously removes the pencil from behind her ear.

SAM
Too bad about my sister, though, huh?
SAM suddenly stabs the balloon with the pencil—pops it.

DORRIE

(Startled.)
Ow!
 (Beat; recovering.)
Yeah. How’s she doing?
SAM picks up another balloon, and studies it.

SAM
Well, I took her home, and … she’s sleeping. Like an angel. Poor thing.

DORRIE

(Uneasy.)
I—I don’t know why she … got sick … so suddenly. … I feel … so bad. …
I hope she had an okay time … anyway. …

SAM
Oh I’m sure she had a blast.
SAM pops the balloon; DORRIE flinches.

SAM
Hey listen, Dorrie. Here’s the thing: Ada told me your great news. I’m so
happy for you. But here’s the thing: Ada’s not so happy. And here’s the
other thing: Neither am I. And here’s the last thing: Even though we’ll be
going to the same college in the fall? I need you to know this: I will not
speak to you. I will not look at you. You will be dead to me. Do you
understand?
A beat. DORRIE tries not to cry.

SAM
Do. You. Under. Stand???

DORRIE
What’s—what’s wrong, Sam …?

SAM

(Very calm.)
What’s wrong …?
(Then—erupts:)
What’s WRONG?!? Look what you did to her, Dorrie! LOOK WHAT YOU
DID!!!

DORRIE

(Whimpering.)
I didn’t … do anything …! Sam. …

SAM

(An ice cold threat.)

Don’t speak to my sister. Don’t speak to her. Ever. Again.

DORRIE

(Weeping.)
She’s—

SAM

(Deadly.)
What.

DORRIE

(Blubbering.)
She’s—my friend …!

SAM
Oh, she is? Well that’s so weird, Dorrie, ’cause you FUCKED her. You
fucked her over, today. And you’re too STUPID to even know you were
doing it.

DORRIE

(Hysterical.)
She knew I applied to that school, too …! We never thought it’d be—you
and me going there, without her …! I didn’t—
(Barely able to get the words out.)
I didn’t know …!
SAMpicks up a new balloon and studies it, as she crosses to
DORRIE.

SAM

(Calm, now; almost sweet.)

Oh, of course you didn’t. …
(Approaches DORRIE, with balloon in her hand; in a honeyed
tone:)
Dear, dear, sweet … Dorrie. You never know what you’re doing, do you …?
SAM strokes DORRIE’s hair, by DORRIE’s ear, with her hand that
holds the pencil.
DORRIE stands there and lets her—whimpering, trembling,
terrified.
Slowly, SAM lifts her other hand, with the balloon in it, to the
other side of DORRIE’s head.

SAM

(Lifting balloon.)
Shhh … shhh. … It’s okay, Dorrie. It’s okay. As long as you stay away, it’s
alllll gonna be okay. …
SAM twirls a strand of DORRIE’s hair around her finger, almost
affectionately. DORRIE stares in front of her, crying, shaking,
silent.
A beat. Then—
SAM slams the pencil into the balloon, right next to DORRIE’s ear.
DORRIE screams.
Blackout.
SCENE 9

The voices of three girls scream: “YOUNG ADULTHOOD!!!”

We hear the sounds of hands slapping against each other.
Lights creep up on DORRIE and SAM, in a dungeon-like dorm
room.
They play a hand game—very intensely, and very rapidly.
They play it as if their lives depended on it.
They play it for a long, long time.
After several rounds, DORRIE messes up, and the game falls apart.

SAM
You messed up, that was six.

DORRIE
I’m sorry, I thought it was five.

SAM
Yeah, I could see you did.
Beat.

DORRIE
Do you want to play again …?

SAM
No. I don’t.
Beat.

SAM
There’s nothing to do in this stupid, stinking dorm.

DORRIE
I know.

SAM
You’re just saying that ’cause I said it.

DORRIE
Yeah.
Beat. Then—DORRIE gets an idea.

DORRIE
Let’s talk about boys???

SAM

(Reluctantly.)
Okay.

DORRIE
Who do you like?!?

SAM
No one.

DORRIE
Me neither.

SAM
There aren’t any cute ones.
 DORRIE
No.

SAM
And even if they are. …

DORRIE
Right.

SAM
None of them like me.

DORRIE
Right.

SAM

(Suddenly defensive.)
What do you mean?!

DORRIE
Um.

SAM
You think they don’t like me???

DORRIE
No, I bet they do.

SAM
I don’t care.
Beat.

DORRIE
I like you.
 SAM
I don’t care.
Beat.
Then—DORRIE gets an idea.

DORRIE
Should we paint our nails, or do something girly like that???

SAM
Yeah.
(Gets a really good idea.)
Except let’s paint our bodies!

DORRIE

(Confused.)
Okay. …

SAM

(Really excited.)
Let’s paint them so it looks like we’re bleeding, and then go out into the
hall and scare everyone!!!

DORRIE

(Really apprehensive.)
That’s scary. …

SAM
Yeah, that’s the point.

DORRIE
Sorry.
 SAM
I have red nail polish—that’s the only thing I have that could look like
blood.

DORRIE

(Incredibly nervous.)
Okay. …

SAM
Okay! Let me find it.
She finds it.
Okay I found it.
(Almost giddy with excitement.)
I’m gonna do you first.

DORRIE
Okay.

SAM
I’m gonna do, just like, a nosebleed, to start. …

DORRIE
Right.

SAM
Actually I’m gonna do a nose-gush.

DORRIE
Huh.

SAM
I’m gonna make it look like your whole brain’s coming out of your nose!!!

DORRIE
 (Tiny, terrified voice.)
… aaaaahhhh …!

SAM
Hold still.
SAM paints on DORRIE’s nose with the nail polish. She paints a lot
of red nail polish under DORRIE’s nose and some kind of on her
cheeks and on her chin.

DORRIE
Oh, wow. …

SAM
What?

DORRIE
It smells.

SAM
Well, you know nail polish smells.

DORRIE
I know. I’ve just never had it …
(Beat; considers …)
So close to my nose … before. …

SAM

(Nodding compassionately.)
I know what you mean.
(She finishes.)
There, all done.
SAM puts the nail polish away.
 DORRIE
How does it look.

SAM
It looks so fucked up. It looks great.

DORRIE

(Hugely anxious.)
Yaaaay. …

SAM
Now go out into the hall and ask for help.

DORRIE
Okay. …

SAM
Go!!!

DORRIE
What do I say???

SAM
“Help! Help!!!”

DORRIE

(Beyond petrified.)
Okay. …
DORRIE goes out into the hall, offstage.

DORRIE

(Offstage; kind of lamely.)

Help. … Help!
 A beat.
DORRIE waits. Then—
She peeks her head back in—looks at SAM like, “Well, I tried.”
SAM silently gestures to her that she needs to amp up the intensity
with the “Help”s.
DORRIE goes back out in the hall.

DORRIE

(More desperate.)
Help!
(Beat.)
Help!!!
(Beat; really desperately.)
Help!!! HELP!!! HEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPPP!!!
(Insanely distressed.)
HEEEELLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!! HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP
HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP
HEEEELLLLllllllllllllllllllllllllllLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!! OHMYGOD
I’M DYING PLEASE HELP MEEEEEEE HELLP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Beat. Then—
DORRIE comes back in the room.

DORRIE

(In despair.)
No one helped me.

SAM

(Also in despair.)
I know.
 SAM curls up on the floor. DORRIE looks at SAM.
A beat. Then—

DORRIE
Sam?

SAM
What.

DORRIE
Do you have any nail polish remover …?

SAM

(Eyes closed.)
No.
DORRIE tries to peel the nail polish off her face.

DORRIE
Maybe I can peel it off.
Beat.

DORRIE
Sam?

SAM
What.

DORRIE
I’m so bored.
Beat.
DORRIE continues to try to peel the nail polish off her face.

DORRIE
Sam?

SAM
What.

DORRIE
What do you think … Ada’s doing? Right now??
Beat. SAM doesn’t say anything.

DORRIE
Sam???
Suddenly, DORRIE realizes that SAM is crying, softly.

DORRIE
Oh …!

SAM
Go away.

DORRIE
What?

SAM
Get away from me!

DORRIE
Sam …!

SAM
Get out of my room, Dorrie!!!

DORRIE
No, Sam—you’re sad …!
SAM weeps.
 DORRIE approaches her, gently, and puts her arms around her.

SAM
Get AWAY from me, I said! You FOOL !!!
SAM shoves DORRIE away from her—hard.

DORRIE
Ow!

SAM
I told you!

DORRIE

(Really sad.)
Oh, Sam. …
SAM cries, and cries.
DORRIE starts crying too.

DORRIE
I hate seeing you so sad! It makes me so sad, too …!
(Beat; cries.)
Why are we so sad???
(Beat; cries.)
I want to be happy again …!
DORRIE cries. SAM weeps.
A beat. SAM considers. … Then—

SAM
Dorrie—something happened. With Ada. After your graduation party. …
Something terrible. Something that. …
 She cries and cries; can’t finish.

DORRIE

(Her heart breaking.)

Oh, Sam. You can tell me …! Dorrie won’t judge you. Dorrie will only love
you. Dorrie will only listen …!

SAM

(Hysterical.)
I want to die. I want to die … so bad …!

DORRIE

(With deep compassion.)

I know.
(Trying to be helpful.)
I want to die too …!
Beat.

SAM

(Wiping tears away.)

You—you do …?

DORRIE

(Nodding enthusiastically.)
Oh often—yes!

SAM

(Suddenly a bit more hopeful.)

Really …?!

DORRIE
Oh, yes!
(Giggling impishly.)
I used to fantasize I would get shot in the head by a sniper on the escalator
at the mall …!

SAM

(Amazed.)
I used to fantasize I would get raped and tortured by all my favorite cartoon
characters at a banquet feast …!

DORRIE

(Excited.)
I used to lick my lips and then put ice cubes on them and then rip them off
so my lips would bleed and bleed !!!

SAM

(Incredibly excited, also.)

I used to peel all the skin off my lips until they bled and bled and then I
would stick pieces of paper to my lips and then rip them off so they would
bleed even more and then I would SAVE THEM!!!
The girls laugh and laugh.

SAM & DORRIE

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
(Beat.)

SAM

(Smiling at DORRIE)
Ada thinks I’m a freak.

DORRIE
No, she doesn’t. …
 SAM
Yes she does. She tells me it’s not normal to—to think stuff … like that. …

DORRIE
Well. …
(Beat; considers …)
Maybe it’s not normal, but. …
(With a generous smile; taking SAM’s hand:)
You’re not alone …!
A beat. SAM looks at DORRIE. Smiles, tears in her eyes.

SAM

(Deeply moved.)
Thank you, Dorrie.

DORRIE
Thank you, Sam.
Beat.

SAM
You’re a good friend, Dorrie.
(Beat.)
You’ve taken this friendship … to the next level. …

DORRIE
Oh Sam! You don’t know how happy you make me …!
beams at
DORRIE SAM, tears in her eyes. SAM beams back at
DORRIE.
A joyful moment.
Then—
 SAM

(With some hesitation.)

Can I—can I … draw you …? Dorrie …?
A beat. DORRIE’s eyes mist over with tears of profound gratitude.

DORRIE

(With heartfelt sincerity.)

Nothing would give me greater pleasure.
A beat. SAM beams. Then—she runs and grabs her sketchbook
and a pencil. She sits in front of DORRIE.

SAM
’K—pose!

DORRIE
Uh. …
DORRIE just stands there.

SAM
Like this.
SAM gets up and approaches DORRIE. She puts her hands on
DORRIE, and begins to maneuver her into a pose.

DORRIE

(Kind of taken aback.)

Oh …!

SAM
Hold still. …
DORRIE lets SAM maneuver her. SAM maneuvers her into one of
ADA’s strange poses.
 SAM
Good.

DORRIE
Is this good …?

SAM
Yes. Please stop asking me to validate you.

DORRIE
Sorry.
SAM stands back and inspects DORRIE’s pose.

SAM
Hmmm. …
She considers. … Then—she gets an idea.

SAM
Oh!
SAM runs to a drawer, and pulls out a long string of beads—the
kind that ADA likes to wear. She runs over to DORRIE, and loops
them around her neck.
She stands back and regards DORRIE. DORRIE holds her pose,
beams.
A beat. Then—
SAM begins to draw.

SAM

(Almost to herself.)
You’ve always been sooo pretty, Dorrie. …
SCENE 10

DORRIE and ADA blow up balloons at DORRIE’s house.

The space is decorated with silver and gold balloons that are
printed with the words “CONGRATULATIONS DORRIE!”
ADA drinks a glass of white wine. She wears a sleek, flattering
outfit, adorned with several long, elegant strings of beads.

ADA

(Blows into a balloon.)

Recently my pee has been very green.

DORRIE
Oh?
(Blows into a balloon.)
What do you think that means?

ADA

(Blows into balloon.)

I think it just means I’m happy.
They both finish blowing up their balloons; they tie them off.
ADA throws the balloon in the air and swats at it with her hand.

ADA
God, I feel so good, lately!
 She makes a grand gesture with her hands; in doing so, she spills
some wine on DORRIE’s face.

DORRIE

(Getting wine in her eye.)

Oh!

ADA

(Not noticing that she spilled wine in DORRIE’s eye.)

’Cause I know that there’s a reason for everything. You were right, Dorrie
…!
(Takes a gulp of wine.)
I was a huge success in college. Maybe not in the way that …
(Gulps more wine; slurs her words a bit.)
… butlike I don’tneed to “graduate” in order to learn invaluable lessons,
y’know …???
(More wine; swats balloon around.)
I learn more from the shit I see every day and the people I meet and all the
… dicks I’ve fucked, and the …
She cracks herself up; drains her wine glass. DORRIE looks on
with concern.

DORRIE
Ada. …

ADA

(Swatting the balloons like crazy.)

I don’t care anymore. I. Don’t. Care …!
She tries to suck a few last drops of wine out of her glass, giggles
deliriously to herself.
 DORRIE
Ada …?

ADA

(Swatting at a balloon; slurring her words a bit.)

Like Idunneed tohave a faggoty graduationparty to feel validated inmyself
… y’know …?

DORRIE
… Ada. …

ADA
I just can’t stand to be around unhappy people. If you’re unhappy—do
something, you know …?!
(Little gulp of wine.)
I know what I’m gonna do—’m gonna move to New York and act and have
a glittering life!

DORRIE
Oh, I know you will, Ada. One day, you’ll—

ADA

(Cutting her off.)

Not “one day,” Dorrie—I’m doing it. Next month. Sooner, maybe.

DORRIE
So … soon … Ada …???
She looks around for the wine bottle.

ADA

(Snorts.)
Hah! Why the fuck would I stick around here?!
 DORRIE
Well … to spend the summer … with me …? And Sam …?

ADA

(Laughs.)
I’ve spent enough time with you and Sam, Dorrie—thanks.
She finds the bottle, pours the rest of it into her glass. Starts to
laugh to herself.

ADA
I mean, whaddaya want me to do?! Hang around this dump with you two
and get old and die …? That’s not a life!
(She drinks.)
I mean is that what you wanna do?
(Drinks.)
Is that what Sam’s gonna do …?!

DORRIE

(Softly.)
Sam has her graphic novel.

ADA

(Laughs; sloppily.)
That behemoth is just sitting on a shelf collecting dust, along with her
diaphragm.

DORRIE
She doesn’t have a diaphragm.

ADA
I know, Dorrie—it’s an expression.
 DORRIE
Sorry.
A beat. ADA stares at DORRIE.

ADA
How come you hung out with Sam, Dorrie? In college?

DORRIE
What do you … mean … Ada …?

ADA
You’re my friend, not Sam’s. Why would you hang out with her??

DORRIE

(Confused.)
Well. …

ADA
Was it because … she reminded you … of me???

DORRIE
Well … she’s really nice, Ada. …

ADA

(Snorts.)
She’s not nice, Dorrie! She’s Sam, Dorrie! No one thinks she’s “nice” …!

DORRIE
Well—
ADA suddenly starts to cry.

ADA
It’s not nice. To hang out with each other. And not with me …! To spend
four years with each other …
(Cries.)
… and never to think of me …!

DORRIE
But—we—oh, we thought of you all the time, Ada …! You have no idea. …
Sam would even—haha!—she’d ask me to pose for her, the way you used
to pose … and then she’d—she’d draw me …!
Beat. ADA stiffens.

ADA
What.

DORRIE
Oh, yes!
(Giggling.)
She would pose me, like this …
(She strikes a sort of heroin-chic pose.)
Or this …
(She strikes a sort of modern dance-y pose.)
Or this. …
DORRIE strikes the sexy pose.

ADA

(Can’t believe what she’s seeing.)

What??

DORRIE

(Giggling mischievously.)
Yes! And Ada … I would wear your beads …!
 ADA lowers herself into a chair.

ADA

(Horrified.)
Oh my… god. …
DORRIE approaches ADA and kneels at her feet.

DORRIE
Oh, Ada. … I can’t believe you thought we weren’t thinking of you …!
ADA drinks.

DORRIE
You shine. … Like a star …!
ADA drinks. She drinks. She drinks the rest of the glass of wine all
at once.
DORRIE watches … with growing concern.
A beat. Then—

DORRIE

(Blurting it out, unthinking.)

But Ada how are you going to be a successful actress when you drink so
much???
A beat.
ADA turns to look at DORRIE—an ice cold glare.
DORRIE looks back at ADA, goes white, with fear. …
A beat. Then—
ADA slaps DORRIE. Hard. Across the face.
A beat. Then—
 DORRIE

(Barely audible.)
I’m sorry. …

ADA
Did Sam tell you that I drink too much?

DORRIE .
No-o …!

ADA

(Turning her back to DORRIE.)

She doesn’t know anything.

DORRIE

(Stammering.)
Y-you’re right, Ada—I’m sure you’re right …!
ADA begins to gather her stuff.

ADA
Where are you going …?!
ADA continues to gather her stuff.
In a frenzied state of hysteria, DORRIE dives to the floor and grabs
ADA by the legs.

DORRIE

(Clutching at ADA, beginning to cry.)

Oh, I’m just a big dummy—a big old fool …!
She tightens her grip on ADA’s legs; ADA struggles to break free.

DORRIE
I’m sorry, Ada!

ADA

(Still struggling.)
Okay …!

DORRIE
I love you, Ada!

ADA

(Still struggling.)
I know …!

DORRIE
I need you, Ada …!
Beat. ADA stops struggling.

ADA
Oh, Dorrie. …
ADA relents, and lets DORRIE squeeze her. ADA’s eyes drift
somewhere far away. DORRIE squeezes her legs, tight.

DORRIE
Oh! Ada! Let me get you some more wine! Can I get you some more?! Let
me get you some more!!
DORRIE unwraps herself from ADA and races offstage.
ADA sits mechanically in a chair and stares at the air in front of
her, her gaze cloudy and unfocused.
A beat. Then—
DORRIE runs back in with a new bottle of white wine.

DORRIE
Okay, I got you some more!!!
DORRIE starts to pour ADA a new glass of wine. ADA stays silent—
eyes far, far away.

DORRIE

(Oblivious.)
Oh Ada, I’m so happy …!
(Finishes pouring.)
And you’re going to be a huge movie star, Ada—ten feet wide, twenty feet
high …!
(She puts an arm around ADA and squeezes her, tight; ADA, limply,
lets her.)
And Sam will publish her graphic novel, and I’ll—
(She gets choked up thinking about how beautiful the future is
going to be.)
I’ll be by your side—always. Both of you. Always. Forever. And ever. Sam
and Ada and Dorrie …!
ADA’s eyes drift even further away, until they seem to just …
deaden.

ADA

(Slurring.)
Dorrie …
DORRIE beams at ADA.

DORRIE
Thanks.
SCENE 11

SAM and ADA in their kitchen. They both wear black. SAM is
sketching in her sketchbook. ADA is drinking a glass of white
wine, and has the half-full bottle near her on the table, next to two
empty wine bottles.
ADA lights a cigarette.
A beat. Then—

SAM
Can you open the cellar door? If you’re gonna smoke?

ADA

(Getting up to open the cellar door.)

I was just about to—don’t belittle me. …
She opens the cellar door. She looks down at the staircase;
smokes …
SAM draws.
She exhales. She tries to blow a smoke ring. She fails.
A beat. Then—

SAM

(Softly.)
What did you think of the service …?
 ADA

(Ashing her cigarette.)

I was glad Myles came. Remember him? From Ms. Sterling’s class? I could
tell he thought I looked hot in my mourning attire.
(Drag off cigarette.)
I wanted to fuck him in the graveyard but I thought that would be too
clichéd.
(Beat.)
So I just gave him a blowjob instead.
SAM rubs her eyes.
A beat. Then—

SAM

(Softly.)
I don’t even feel sad about Mom at all.

ADA

(Chugs from wineglass; sloppily.)

Well, now you can publish your graphic novel about her and she’ll never
scream at you for it.
(Takes a sip of wine,)
Unless you believe in an afterlife.
She chuckles, darkly, and pours herself another glass of wine.

SAM
You’re not still planning on leaving … tomorrow …? Are you …??

ADA

(Snorts.)
Hah! Why the fuck would I stick around here?!

SAM
Well … to help me…? With the house, and with Mom’s—

ADA

(Slurring a bit.)
Ithink I’vehelped you with enough, Sam—thanks.
SAM rubs her eyes; keeps drawing. She looks up at ADA.
A beat. Then—

SAM
Can I draw you for a second?

ADA
No.

SAM
But just for a second. …

ADA
No, I said!

SAM
But—you’re leaving … so soon . …

ADA
So?

SAM
So I won’t get to draw you for … so long. …

ADA
Euuugh why do you care so much about drawing me—that’s so gay.
 Beat. SAM rubs her eyes.

SAM
What am I gonna do …? Without you here …?

ADA
Stop whining—it’s party time!
ADAdances over to the radio, turns it on. On the radio, Randy
Newman sings “You’ve Got a Friend in Me.”

ADA

(Suddenly cheerful.)
Oh god …! This song. … Remember this song …? Mmmm. …
(She sways, dances a little, to the song.)
I always loved this song. It’s so … sweet. … So … happy …! So. …
(She closes her eyes; sways; sings along to the song a bit:)
You’ve got a friend in me … you’ve got a friend in me. …
(She sways, dances, drunkenly; smiles, woozily.)
I think this might be my most favorite song …!
A beat. She drains her wine glass. SAM watches. Then—ADA
lunges for the wine bottle—teeters, a bit.

SAM
Oh! Are you all right …? Ada …?
ADA steadies herself by leaning on the table. She lifts her head,
heavily; fixes her gaze on SAM, blearily.

ADA

(Slurring, slightly.)
I’m fantastic.
 ADA lifts the wine bottle, tries to pour another glass of wine; has
difficulty doing so. SAM watches.

SAM

(With growing concern.)

Ada. …

ADA

(Sharp.)
What.

SAM
Are you sure … you haven’t had … enough …? To drink …?
Beat. ADA looks at SAM.

ADA

(Thickly; slurring a bit.)

Areyoufucking kidding me.

SAM
No-o. …

ADA

(Suddenly tearful.)
My mother just died.

SAM
Ada … I know. …

ADA

(Sloppily; rageful.)
Don’t you EVER tell me what to do!
 (Beat.)
How DARE you!
(Beat.)
Howdareyou. …

SAM
Okay, Ada—I’m sorry—

ADA
I deserve to have fun … like everyone else …!
Beat. SAM rubs her eyes.

SAM
Okay.

ADA
Okay!

SAM
Okay!
SAM gets up and turns off the radio. Then—she goes back to her
sketchbook.
ADA clumsily pours herself a glass of wine; drinks; looks at SAM.
A beat. Then—
ADA grabs the sketchbook out of SAM’s hands.

ADA
Stop DRAWING me!

SAM
I’m n-not …!
 ADA
Stop lying! All the time!

SAM
I’m—not, Ada …!
ADA throws the sketchbook down on the table. Hard.

ADA

(With a rueful laugh.)

I know. I know!

SAM
You know … what … Ada …?!

ADA

(Laughs, sloppily.)
You thought you were going to be a “huge success”? Going to the school I
wanted to go to?? Hanging out with my friend??? Studying with P.F.
Touchane?!? I. KNOW. That you never even took one class with him! You
didn’t have the guts! You just stayed in your dorm room and you made
Dorrie pose for you in my poses with my beads and you just drew ME!
Over and over and over.
(Beat; gulps wine; laughs.)
What a joke. What a joke …!

SAM

(Stammering.)
I—I couldn’t get into his class …! I tried—of course I tried …!
ADA cracks up.

ADA

(Giggling like a little girl.)

You’re lying …! You know you lie to yourself, right? Like, all the time …?!

SAM
Ada. …

ADA
You couldn’t take his class ’cause you couldn’t draw anything that wasn’t
me …!

SAM
Ada …!

ADA
You wanna draw me sooooo bad. …
(She moves toward SAM a bit.)
You wanna draw this …
(She strikes the modern dance-y pose.)
You wanna draw this …
(She strikes the heroin-chic pose.)
And oh—OH! You wanna draw THIS!
ADA strikes the sexy pose.

SAM
Ada! No! I don’t! Stop!
ADA begins to rub her breasts, over her shirt, as she walks toward
SAM.

ADA
You want me to stop this …?

SAM

(Averting her eyes.)

Ada, come on …!

ADA
Oh! You’re shy now …?! You don’t wanna draw this?!?
She takes one of her breasts out of her shirt. It hangs over the top
of her low-cut shirt.

SAM
Ada—I need you, to—
ADA begins to wrap one of her strands of beads around her
breast. She gets up in SAM’s face and whispers.

ADA
You wanna draw it with my beads on it …?!? C’mon, Sam—draw it. Draw
it. DRAW! IT!!!
SAM covers her face with her hands; cries.
ADA watches; smiles.

ADA
HAH.
(Beat; she puts her breast away.)
That’s what I thought.
ADA grabs the bottle of wine and starts to chug from the bottle.
SAM watches.

SAM
Ada—please …! You’ve had—enough …!
ADA suddenly slams the wine bottle down on the table and
charges at SAM—brings her face inches away from hers.

ADA
 (Nearly spitting in her face.)
HEY. I remember what happened that night, after Dorrie’s graduation party.
You thought I wouldn’t remember?? ’Cause I was so drunk???
(An almost seductive whisper.)
Well guess what? GUESS WHAT???
(A vicious hiss.)
I remember it like the back of my hand.
She looks at SAM. SAM looks at her.
A beat. Then—
ADA starts to laugh. She laughs and laughs. She picks up the wine
bottle and staggers a few steps backwards—almost falls.
Continues to laugh. She drinks wine hungrily from the bottle.
A beat.
SAM rubs her eyes.
A beat.
SAM looks up at her sister. There is a hardness in her eyes we
haven’t seen before.
A beat. Then—
SAM starts to laugh. She laughs and laughs.

SAM
Hahahahaha!
ADA stops laughing.

ADA

(Thickly.)
What.
 SAM

(Laughs even harder.)

Hahahahaha!!!

ADA
What. What?!

SAM

(Still laughing.)
You think I’m a joke? ’Cause I never took a class with P.F. Touchane??
Look at you …!
(Really looks at ADA; laughs.)
You think you’re going to be a “giant movie star”?? “Ten feet wide, twenty
feet high”?!?
(Laughs, darkly.)
I mean, you know, right? That that’s never going to happen?? Do you know
why???
(Stops laughing.)
Do. You. Know. Why?
(Stares ADA dead in the eyes.)
Because you’re too scared. You’re gonna go to New York and you’re just
going to drink yourself to death in your dingy apartment because you are
scared shitless! And I’m gonna be here finishing my graphic novel and
getting published and having a life, and you’ll tell yourself that I’m a joke,
but you know who the joke is?
(She gets up in ADA’s face; a vicious whisper.)
The alcoholic. And that’s you.
A beat.
They look at each other. Frozen.
 Then—
ADA pours the rest of the wine in the bottle onto SAM’s sketchbook.
SAM looks on, aghast.

SAM
Ada!

ADA
HAH.

SAM
What the fuck is wrong with you?!?
ADA tries to drink more wine from the bottle but it is empty.

ADA

(Slamming her hand against the bottom of the bottle, trying to

shake any remaining drops into her mouth.)
Hah. Hah! HAH!

SAM
I fucking HATE YOU!!!
SAM grabs a dishtowel from a cupboard and begins to mop up her
sketchbook.
ADA looks at the ruined sketchbook, giggles.

ADA

(Giggles.)
Bye bye me …!
ADA lunges for the sketchbook; SAM holds it away, mops at it with
the dish towel.

ADA
Bye bye me me me me ME!
ADA tries to grab the sketchbook again. SAM pushes her off.

SAM
STOP IT, ADA! GO AWAY!!!
A beat. Then—
ADA pushes SAM back. Hard.
A beat. Then—
SAM pushes ADA back. Hard. ADA staggers back.
A beat. Then—
She pushes SAM back. They begin to fight. They wrestle each
other. They fight. They fight.
Then—
ADA staggers. Her body suddenly becomes limp. She slumps over.

SAM
Ada …?
ADA begins to fall over; SAM catches her.

SAM
Ada …!
ADA melts into SAM. Begins to slide down her body.
SAM grabs on to ADA, hoists her up. Guides her over to a chair at
the table. Sits her in it.

SAM
Here we go. … Heeeeeere weeee g-o-o-o-o. …
SAM sits in the chair next to ADA. She cradles ADA in her arms,
and rocks her back and forth.
 ADA relaxes herself in SAM’s arms, seems to almost fall asleep. …
They sit there, ADA’s head on SAM’s bosom, her eyes closed
peacefully, and SAM, looking down at ADA. A Pietà.
SAM rubs her eyes with her free hand.
A beat. Then—

SAM
I’m sorry, Ada.

ADA

(Slurring.)
Ssokay. …

SAM
I love you, Ada. …

ADA
I know. …

SAM
I…
(Her voice cracking.)
I … need you … Ada. …
A beat. Then—
ADA drunkenly hoists herself up, and grabs the dishtowel off the
table. She clumsily ties it around her wrist.

ADA

(Her eyes barely open.)

Sock-bracelet …!
 SAM

(Deeply moved.)
Oh!
SAM can barely catch her breath. She places her hand over her
heart. Then—
She reaches down and pulls her sock off her foot. She tries to tie it
around her wrist. It is too short.

SAM

(Her voice almost cracking.)

My sock is too short.
ADA reaches under the table and takes her actual sock off. She
yanks herself up, and clumsily ties her sock onto SAM’s wrist.

ADA

(Grinning like a fool; slurring her words.)

Sock-braceletsisters. …

SAM

(Tears in her eyes.)

Sock-bracelet sisters …!
They make their sock-bracelets play with each other and kiss
each other, etc.

ADA & SAM

(Together; improvising a song.)
Sock-bracelet sisters, la la la la la la, singing in the la la, loodie doodie doo
doo. …
They crack each other up with their made-up lyrics.
 ADA & SAM
Hahahahaha!
They make their sock-bracelets high-five each other.

ADA & SAM

(High-fiving.)
Yeah!
They crack up.

ADA & SAM

Hahahahaha!!
When the laughter dies down—
ADA suddenly lunges toward SAM and grabs her hand; she claps
SAM’s hand over her mouth.

A beat. Then—
SAM removes it, slowly. Then—
ADA, bleary-eyed, licks it, slowly.
They look at each other. Then—
ADA playfully swats SAM in the face with her sock-bracelet arm.

ADA

(Playfully swatting.)
Bam!

SAM

(Falling back with glee.)

Ohh!
They laugh.
 ADA & SAM
Hahahahaha!!!
They stand up and proceed to play-fight—SAM shoves ADA back,
playfully.

SAM

(Playfully shoving.)
BOOM!!

ADA
OOOH!!
They laugh.

ADA & SAM

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Then—ADA shoves SAM, hard, back.

ADA

(Mirthfully shoving.)
SHAZZZAAAMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!

SAM
Whoa!
SAM falls backwards, through the open cellar door …
… and down the stairs.
ADA gasps.
She watches, silent.
We hear SAM fall all the way down the stairs.
A long, terrible silence.
 Then—

ADA

(Tiny voice.)
Sam …?
SCENE 12

The voices of three girls scream: “ADULTHOOD!!!”

A long, long blackout.
We begin to hear ADA talking, softly. We can hear the muffled
sounds of city life outside.
Lights creep up, painfully slowly, on ADA. She sits in a tiny pool of
light, on the floor of her apartment in New York City. A hand
mirror is on the floor in front of her. She drinks wine from the
bottle. A cigarette burns in a nearby ashtray.
Her speech is slurred. Her eyes are half-shut, and swollen. She is
very, very drunk.
Throughout this monologue, she empties a bag of cocaine onto
the hand mirror and cuts it up with a credit card.

ADA
I just … can’t help but … think I am … extremely beautiful. …
(She cuts up the cocaine.)
Sometimes …? I’ll look at my face in the mirror, and I’ll see … me. …
(She gulps some wine, hungrily.)
And I’m always… so pleasantly surprised. …
(She puts the wine glass down, too hard; attempts to strike her
heroin-chic pose.)
Because I’m … gorgeous. …
 (A beat; she rubs some cocaine on her gums.)
… Everyone always said I shiiiiiine like a star …! And it’s still true. If a
tree falls in the … even if there aren’t any other trees around, I’m still. …
you know???
(She drains her wine glass.)
Eaaaat shit, eat shit all day, and wipe it off your face, like the … and no one
knows it. …
(She clumsily pours the dregs of the wine bottle into her wine
glass.)
But you can see that—other people can see that. … They don’t wanna admit
that ’cause they’re. … When people wanna be you, you have to watch your
back!
(She slams the little bit of wine in her glass down her throat.)
You can’t trust anyone. You have to get away. …
(She smiles.)
And that’s what I did …!
(She takes a drag off her cigarette.)
But I know what’s coming for me. If you don’t see it, then I feel sorry for
you. ’Cause when I’m … you’re gonna … ohhhh!
(She starts to laugh…)
Oh!
(She laughs and laughs.)
Oh ho ho ho ho! You’re gonna—and then I’ll be …! And who’ll …?! Oh,
no. No no.
She laughs and laughs and laughs, woozily, bleary-eyed. She
starts to cry. She laughs and cries.

ADA
What a joke …! What a joke …
 She almost nods off. …
A beat. Then—
She jerks her head up. She pulls a rolled-up dollar bill out of her
bra, puts it on the hand mirror, leans down and snorts a line of
coke. She snorts another line. She looks up. Her eyes are red and
wet.

ADA

(A whisper.)
You said I was scared? Well guess what. Can you guess?
(She waits.)
Can you?
(She listens.)
Oh you can’t? Well GUESS WHAT?
(A vicious hiss.)
I don’t care enough to be scared.
She giggles, girlishly—almost flirtatiously. She leans down and
snorts another line of coke.

ADA

(A whisper.)
I don’t even care …!
(She rubs more coke on her gums; giggles, impishly.)
I … don’t … care …! About a darrrrrrnnnn thinnnnnggg. …
(She begins to nod off … she slurs …)
Idon’tevencare. …
She falls asleep, sitting up.
SCENE 13

The kitchen in the sisters’ childhood home. SAM sits in a

wheelchair. DORRIE sits opposite SAM in a chair.
They play the same hand game they played in college, only now it
is painfully slow and labored.
After a certain point, they just let their hands fall into their laps.
A beat.
Then—

SAM
God, I hate it here.

DORRIE
I know what you mean.

SAM
You’re just saying that ’cause I said it.

DORRIE
Yeah.
Beat. Then—
SAM starts to laugh.

SAM
Hah! You know? I really thought we would never speak again. After I
popped that balloon, in your ear? I thought that would be the last time I’d
ever even speak to you …!
(Beat.)
And now you live with me …!
(Laughs, darkly.)
Hah. What a joke. …
A beat.

DORRIE

(Softly.)
She’s doing the best she can, Sam.
SAM glares at DORRIE.
A beat. Then—

SAM
I don’t care anymore. I. Don’t. Care.
She starts to wheel away.

DORRIE
Wait!

SAM
What?
Beat.

DORRIE
Do you want me to … brush … your hair …?
Beat.

SAM
Fine.
DORRIE beams; she gets the hairbrush out of the drawer, crosses
behind SAM and begins to brush her hair.
Some quiet moments of just brushing. DORRIE hums quietly to
herself.
DORRIE finishes brushing SAM’s hair. Pats her freshly-brushed
hair.

DORRIE
There.

SAM

(Patting her hair.)

Thank you, Dorrie.

DORRIE

(With a terribly sweet smile.)

Thank you, Sam.
Suddenly, SAM reaches out her arms to DORRIE, for a hug.

SAM

(On the verge of tears.)

Dorrie …!
DORRIE lunges in and hugs SAM, tightly.

DORRIE
Oh, Sammy …!
(Beat.)
She’ll come back.
(Beat.)
I know she will.

SAM

(Sobbing into DORRIE’s torso.)

I didn’t know …! If I knew? If I knew it would … turn out—like this …?! I
never would have—!
She can’t finish.
She just sobs and sobs, into DORRIE’s bosom.
DORRIE strokes her hair, her heart breaking for her friend.

DORRIE
Shhh … shhh. …
SAM sobs and sobs into DORRIE’s bosom; DORRIE lets her, strokes
her.
A beat. Then—

DORRIE

(Getting an idea.)
Oh—I have a good idea …!
(Pulling away; excited.)
Why don’t I go get your sketchbook, Sam?
DORRIE strikes the sexy pose.
SAM looks at DORRIE in horror; pulls away. Her eyes harden.

SAM
What are you—mocking me?! You know I can’t draw without her here …!
(Snorts.)
What a joke …! I thought I was going to go to college, and study with P.F.
Touchane, and publish my graphic novel, and. …
 (She laughs and cries.)
What a joke. … What a miserable, miserable joke …!
She cries. DORRIE tries to hug her.

SAM

(Swatting DORRIE away.)

Enough, Dorrie! Leave me alone.

DORRIE
You need a hug. …

SAM
Eugggh why do you care so much about hugging? That’s so gay.
DORRIE tries to hug her again.

SAM
Get away from me Dorrie—I told you!
SAM shoves DORRIE off her, violently. DORRIE slams into the wall.
She starts to cry.

DORRIE
You need me. Sam. …

SAM

(A vicious hiss.)
I don’t need anything—except what I can’t have…!

DORRIE

(Tearful.)
What do you want, Sam??? You can tell me …! Dorrie won’t judge you.
Dorrie will only love you. Dorrie will only listen …!
 DORRIE tries to hug SAM again. This time, SAM wraps her fingers
around DORRIE’s neck and squeezes.
DORRIE gasps.
SAM squeezes.
DORRIE’s face gets very red.
A beat.
SAM’s fingers quiver. Her mouth hardens into a line.
A beat.
DORRIE’s face turns purple.
A beat.
DORRIE’s eyes roll into the back of her head.
A beat. Then—
SAM lets go.
DORRIE falls to the floor.
She heaves.
She heaves.
A beat. Then—
DORRIE scampers to the corner of the room, like a beaten animal.
She trembles. She shakes.
SAM doesn’t look at her.
A beat. Then—

DORRIE

(Trembling, crying.)
You don’t … like me … very much … Sam. …
 SAM

(Not looking at DORRIE.)

Well, you’re not a very likable person, are you, Dorrie?
Beat. DORRIE whimpers and shakes.

SAM

(Finally looking at DORRIE.)

Uggggh, it was a joke! You don’t have a very good sense of humor.
Beat. DORRIE whimpers and shakes.

SAM

(Beckoning DORRIE.)
Come here, Dorrie. Give Sammy a hug.

DORRIE

(Shaking, terrified.)
I think …

SAM
You think what, Dorrie?!

DORRIE

(With tremendous reluctance.)

I think … I should … maybe … go … Sam. …
Beat.

SAM
Go???

DORRIE

(Crying.)
Sam …!

SAM
You can’t—leave me, Dorrie …!

DORRIE
I don’t know what to do, Sam …!
SAM look at DORRIE, incredulous.
A beat. Then—

SAM
I’m sorry, Dorrie …!

DORRIE

(Rubbing her throat; reticent.)

Okay. …

SAM
I love you, Dorrie. …!

DORRIE

(Still rubbing her wound; still reticent.)

I know. …

SAM
I…
(Her voice cracking, ever so slightly.)
I … need you … Dorrie. …
Beat.

DORRIE
Y-you—do???
 A beat. SAM nods, slowly.
She looks at DORRIE with ferocious intensity. Wipes her tears
away.

SAM
Ada’s dead to me, Dorrie.
(Beat.)
You’re my Ada, now.
A beat. Then—

DORRIE

(A sudden light in her eyes.)

I’m up at bat …!
A beat. SAM smiles.

SAM

(A new light in her eyes, too.)

You really are this time.
SCENE 14

A flashback.
The kitchen in the girls’ childhood home. SAM (not in a
wheelchair) helps a stumbling ADA into the kitchen, from outside.
It is right after DORRIE’s high school graduation party. It is dark
outside. ADA is wasted.

SAM

(Very gently.)
Here we go. … Heeeeeere weeee g-o-o-o-o. …

ADA

(Slurring.)
ThankyouSam. … Thankyou. …
SAM helps ADA into a chair.
ADA slumps into the chair; she looks like a rag doll, trying to sit
herself up.

SAM

(Giggles a bit.)
Wow—I don’t know how you got so drunk …!
ADA slumps over.

SAM
 (Laughs.)
Lemme get you some water.

ADA
I need more.

SAM

(Laughing.)
What?

ADA
I need more.
(Beat.)
Alcohol.
A beat. SAM looks at ADA with a bit of concern.

SAM
Ada. …

ADA
What.

SAM
You’re already … really … drunk. …
ADA lifts her heavy head up—she stares SAM down.

ADA

(In a voice of pure need and urgency.)

Give it to me.
A beat. SAM is taken aback.

SAM
Fine. Just. … Wow.
SAM finds the whiskey bottle and a glass; pours some whiskey into
the glass. Then, she opens the refrigerator and takes out a glass
bottle of milk. She fills the rest of the glass with milk, slides it over
to ADA.

SAM

(Sardonically.)
Here you go—your new favorite.

ADA
Feedittome.

SAM
What?

ADA

(Suddenly playful.)
FEEDittome!

SAM

(Laughing; uncomfortable.)
Oh my gosh! This is funny—okay. …
She clumsily tries to feed ADA the drink. It sort of works.
After a few sips, ADA slumps her head down. SAM puts the drink
down on the table.
A beat. ADA sits, slumped. SAM looks at her with love.
A beat. Then—
ADA suddenly jerks her head up, looks at SAM.

ADA
Gimmeakiss.

SAM
What?

ADA

(Sweetly, flirty, funny.)

GimmeaKISS!!!

SAM
A—a kiss …?

ADA

(Making kissy faces at SAM.)

Mwah mwah mwah …!

SAM

(Laughing uncomfortably.)
I’m not gonna kiss—
Before SAM can finish, ADA lunges forward and plants a big kiss
on SAM’s lips. Then she pulls away, slumps back to her sitting
position in her chair.

ADA

(Nodding clumsily again.)

Hee hee.

SAM

(Frozen; eyes fixed on ADA.)

You’re—you’re ridiculous.
ADA slumps down onto SAM’s shoulder, relaxes herself into SAM’s
bosom.
 They sit there, ADA’S head on SAM’s bosom, her eyes closed
peacefully, and SAM, looking down at ADA. A Pietà.
SAM rubs her eyes with her free hand.
A beat. Then—

ADA
Ahneedagotobed.
Beat.

SAM

(Rubbing her eyes.)

That’s a good idea. Let’s go to bed. Come on.
SAM stands up, and hoists ADA up, with much effort. ADA has a
hard time standing up; once up, she weaves back and forth.
She places her hands on ADA’s shoulders to steady her.

SAM
Here we go. … Heeeere weeee go-o-o-o. …
It works; she has steadied her.
They stand, facing each other—ADA, bleary-eyed, staring at SAM,
and SAM, clear-eyed, looking at ADA.
A beat. Then—

ADA
Ahloveyou.
Beat.

SAM

(Struck.)
You never say that to me. …
 ADA
Butahmeanit.
SAM rubs her eyes. A beat. Then—

SAM

(Tears brimming.)
I love you too, Ada.
SAM reaches out and strokes ADA’s hair. ADA smiles, and lets her.
A beat. Then—SAM leans in, and gently, very gently, kisses ADA
on the lips.
The kiss is long.
It lasts.
It lasts.
Then—
ADA pulls away.
Her face stays close to SAM’s.
A beat. Then—

ADA
Thankyou.
Beat.

SAM
Thank you, Ada.
They look at each other.
SCENE 15

SAM and DORRIE in the kitchen of the sisters’ childhood home. SAM
sits in her wheelchair.
They are older now—in their late twenties, probably. They look
better—healthier. They wear bright-ish colors. There is some
color in their cheeks.
They play their hand game. Now, they play with vigor and—
amazingly—some joy, seemingly. They smile. They laugh.

SAM
Oh!

DORRIE
Oh!

SAM
We’re going so fast!

DORRIE
We’re going so …! FAST …!

SAM
I don’t think we’ve ever gone this fast, before …!

DORRIE
I don’t think we have, either …!
 SAM

(Totally gleeful.)
We’re winning at life …!

DORRIE

(Totally gleeful, also.)

We totally are …!
Suddenly, DORRIE messes up.

SAM
You messed up, that was sixty-three.

DORRIE
I know—I’m sorry, I thought it was sixty-two.
A beat. Then—

SAM

(Shrugs.)
It’s okay—my hands were getting tired, anyway.

DORRIE

(Smiles.)
Me too.
SAM smiles at DORRIE.
A beat. Then—
SAM reaches her hand out to DORRIE, and clasps DORRIE’s hand.

SAM
You’re my buddy, Dorrie.

DORRIE
 (With deep gratitude.)
Oh, Sam. …

SAM
You’re my lil’ pal.

DORRIE

(Beams.)
You don’t know how happy you make me.
They hold hands.
A beat. Then—

SAM
Can you pour me a glass of milk? I’d do it myself but I’m paralyzed from
the waist down.
They giggle.

SAM & DORRIE

Hehehehehe!

DORRIE

(Getting up.)
Nothing would give me greater pleasure.
Suddenly, through the door—
ADA stumbles in.
Her face is white. She has dark, dark circles under her eyes. She
looks gaunt, strung-out, exhausted—nearly dead.
She clutches her arm in a strange way.
ADA looks at SAM.
 A beat.
SAM looks at ADA.
A beat.
DORRIE looks at ADA and SAM.
A beat. Then—
SAM breaks her gaze with ADA, and wheels away.
She wheels into the other room.
ADA is left alone with DORRIE.

DORRIE

(Very gently.)
Hi, Ada. …
ADA crumbles.

ADA

(Crying.)
Oh Dorrie …!

DORRIE
Ada. …

ADA

(Hysterical.)
I didn’t know—I didn’t know …!
Beat.

DORRIE
I know.
 ADA

(Desperate.)
Please, Dorrie!

DORRIE
What …?

ADA
Help me …!
She sobs and sobs. DORRIE watches her, at a loss.
A beat. Then—
DORRIE approaches ADA. She slowly puts her arms around her.
She hugs her. ADA lets herself be hugged—probably for the first
time in many, many years.
She guides her over to a chair at the table. Sits her in it.

DORRIE

(Guiding ADA into a chair.)

Here we go. … Heeeeeere weeee g-o-o-o-o. …
ADA weeps and weeps into DORRIE’s bosom. DORRIE rocks her.

ADA

(Crying.)
… it feels so good when you hold me, Dorrie … just like this. …

DORRIE

(Rocking her.)
Mmmm. …

ADA
Oh, Dorrie. … I can’t … do it … anymore …!
 DORRIE
Ohhh, Ada. …

ADA
I can’t keep … living … like this …!
A beat. DORRIE considers. …

DORRIE

(Stroking ADA’S hair.)

(Beat.)
We’ll help you, Ada. You just have to …
(Beat; she considers …)
… I think you just have to … say you’re sorry. … I’ll go get Sam, and
you’ll say you’re sorry, and everything will be all right …! You’ll get better,
Ada—you’ll be a new person …! Like you were never sad, or sick, or
scared, or—or anything bad. … You’ll be clean, Ada.
(She beams.)
We all will …!
A beat. ADA crumbles.

ADA
Will she ever get out of that wheelchair …?!
A beat. DORRIE looks at ADA, confused.

DORRIE
No, Ada. …

ADA
I thought I’d come home, and … she’d be walking …!

DORRIE
 (Very sad.)
That doesn’t make any sense, Ada. …
A beat. ADA’s eyes fix with a steely resolve.

ADA
Go get her.
A beat. DORRIE’s eyes open wide.

DORRIE

(With glee.)
Oh, Ada …!
DORRIE runs into the other room.
ADA quickly goes over to the sink and rolls up the left sleeve of
her shirt, revealing several paper towels soaked through in blood.
She peels the paper towels off her arm and throws them in the
trash. She winces at the pain. She rips a few paper towels off a
roll on the counter and lays them on her arm. She rolls her sleeve
back down. Then—
SAM wheels in.
ADA turns.
She looks at her sister.
They look at each other.
They don’t say anything.
A beat. Then—

SAM
What … happened … to you …?
ADA cries.
 ADA
You were right …!
(Cries.)
I was too scared. I was scared shitless, Sam. You were right.
(Beat; she weeps.)
I don’t want to … be … an adult …! Anymore. …
(Beat; she weeps.)
I want to … be … a kid … again …!
Beat. She cries, pathetically.

SAM
I don’t care, Ada.

ADA

(Hysterical.)
I want to die, Sam …!
Beat.

SAM

(Snorts.)
Why don’t you just have a drink?
ADA cries.

ADA
I can’t …!
(She weeps.)
I can’t ever drink again …!
SAM laughs, darkly.
ADA looks on, at a loss. Then—
 ADA lifts her sleeve, removes the bloody paper towels from her
arm and shows SAM her fresh wounds.
SAM looks at ADA with utter revulsion. A beat; then—

SAM
I still don’t care.
SAM starts to wheel away from ADA.
A beat. Then—

ADA

(Softly.)
I’m sorry, Sam.

SAM

(Reticent.)
Okay. …

ADA
I love you, Sam.

SAM

(With tremendous reticence.)

I know. …

ADA
I…
(Her voice cracking, ever so slightly.)
I … need you … Sam. …
Beat.

SAM
You’ve never—said that … to me. …

ADA
But I mean it.
A beat. SAM rubs her eyes.

SAM

(Tears brimming.)
Thank you, Ada.

ADA
Thank you, Sam.
A beat. Then—
SAM turns to look at ADA.
They look at each other.
A beat. Then—
Huge smiles emerge on their faces. They beam at each other.
A beat. Then—
DORRIE comes running back in.

DORRIE

(On pins and needles.)

Did you guys make up?!?
The sisters look at each other.

SAM

(Smiling.)
Yes.
 ADA

(Smiling.)
Yes!

ADA & SAM

Yes!

DORRIE
OHHHHHHH YAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DORRIE runs over to SAM and hugs her, fiercely. Then, she runs
over to ADA and hugs her, fiercely.

DORRIE
This is the BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They all three crack up.

SAM & DORRIE & ADA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Then—DORRIE runs over to SAM and sits on her lap.

DORRIE
Oh, Sammy—Sam …! This is what we’ve been waiting for …! All these
years—all these years …!

SAM

(Beams.)
I know. I know …!

DORRIE
Ada! Come here!!
ADA comes over.
 DORRIE
Sit!!!
DORRIE pats her lap. ADA laughs, and sits on DORRIE, who is
sitting on top of SAM.
All three girls sit on top of each other, in SAM’s wheelchair.
They let out a simultaneous, satisfied sigh.

SAM & ADA & DORRIE

(A simultaneous sigh.)
Huuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh. …
A beat. Then—

DORRIE
Hey guys?

ADA & SAM

Yeah?

DORRIE
This is going to be the best sleepover ever!

ADA & SAM

Yeah!

SAM

(So excited.)
We can stay up late and watch horror movies and—

DORRIE

(Cutting SAM off, with an amazing idea’)

Oh, and Sam! Maybe you could even—maybe you could … draw … Ada
…!
 SAM
Oh …!
SAM looks at ADA. Tears of joy fill her eyes.

SAM
I still have my sketchbook—I haven’t used it in years but … I know right
where it is …!

DORRIE
I’LL GO GET IT RIGHT NOW!!!

SAM
Oh, thank you, Dorrie!

DORRIE
Nothing would give me greater pleasure…!
DORRIE hoists ADA off her, and begins to hurry off; then, she stops,
and turns back to them—

DORRIE
Oh, I’m so … happy …!This is how I always wanted it to end!
(Beat; she looks at them, drinks them in with her eyes.)
Sam and Ada and Dorrie. All together. Under one roof. Forever. And ever.
And ever.
(Beat; she looks at them, overcome with joy.)
I love you both, so much.
She hurries off.
ADA stays standing, looks in the direction in which DORRIE just
left.
Her eyes suddenly seem far away. …
 Then—ADA crosses to the shelves, which are still lined with all
the alcohol bottles. She examines them.
She zeroes in on the shining blue bottle of gin.
SAM watches ADA.
A beat. Then—

SAM
What’s wrong, Ada …?

ADA

(Distracted.)
What? Nothing.

SAM
You seem weird now.
ADA turns and looks at SAM.

ADA
Does she sleep in my bed?
Beat.

SAM
Ada. …

ADA
Does she brush your hair??

SAM
Ada, please. …

ADA
Does she pose for your drawings, still???
 Beat.

SAM
Ada, come on. She’s all I had.
ADA turns away, looks at the blue bottle. SAM watches, with
alarm.

SAM
Ada. …
A beat. Then—
SAM begins to roll up the left sleeve of her sweater.

SAM
Look.
ADA turns and looks. SAM holds out her arm, which is riddled with
scars—scars that look almost exactly like the fresh wounds on
ADA’s arm.

ADA
Oh!

SAM
Shhh …! Dorrie doesn’t know. …
ADA approaches SAM and gently touches her sister’s arm.

ADA
When did you … do … this …?

SAM
A while ago.

ADA
Why …?
 SAM

(With a sad smile.)

Because of you.
(Beat.)
Why did you?

ADA

(With a sad smile, also.)

Because of you.

SAM

(Deeply moved.)
Oh …!
ADA sits in SAM’s lap. They make their matching arm-wrist
wounds play with each other and kiss each other, etc.

ADA & SAM

(Singing.)
Sock-bracelet sisters, la la la la la la, singing in the la la, loodie doodie doo
doo. …
They crack each other up with their made-up lyrics.

ADA & SAM

Hahahahaha!
They make their wounds high-five each other.

ADA & SAM

Yeah!

ADA

(Pulling away, grabbing her wounded arm.)

Ow!

SAM
Oh!
Beat. Then—
They crack up.

& SAM ADA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
When the laughter dies down. …
They let out a simultaneous, contented sigh.

ADA & SAM

(A simultaneous sigh.)
Huuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh. …
Beat. Then—

ADA

(Smiling at her sister.)

I’m glad it’s not weird anymore.

SAM

(Smiling at her sister.)

Me too.
They look at each other; smile.
They pull their sleeves back down over their wounds.
A beat. Then—

ADA
 (Smiling.)
Go tell her.
Beat.

SAM

(Confused.)
… what …?

ADA

(Sweetly.)
Tell her to leave. You don’t need her anymore. You have me, now.

SAM
But—

ADA

(Suddenly venomous.)
But what?!
Beat. SAM’s eyes fill with tears.

SAM
I love her, Ada …!

ADA

(Snorts.)
You don’t love her, Sam! She’s Dorrie, Sam! She’s just a big dummy—a
big old fool …! Who needs Dorrie?! When you have me. You HAVE ME.
(Beat.)
But only if she’s gone.
SAM’s chin trembles. She looks at ADA with tear-filled eyes.
 SAM

(With utter desperation.)

Ada … please …!
ADA looks at SAM, twirls a strand of SAM’s hair around her finger.
A beat. Then—
Slowly, very slowly, ADA leans in and kisses SAM, very softly, on
the lips.
A beat.
ADA pulls back.
She stays on SAM’s lap. SAM looks at her, enraptured. …
A beat. Then—
SAM’s eyes fix with a steely resolve.

SAM
Dorrie …!
ADA smiles, and gets off SAM’s lap.

DORRIE

(OS.)
Coming, Sammy …!
A beat. Then—
DORRIE comes running in, carrying SAM’s sketchbook.
ADA sits in a chair at the kitchen table and watches the
interaction.

DORRIE
I found your sketchbook, Sam! I wiped all the dust off, and it’s—good as …
 (Notices the somber air in the room.)
… new. …

SAM

(Hoarsely.)
Come here, Dorrie. …
Beat. DORRIE comes over to SAM.

DORRIE
What’s wrong, Sam …?
SAM points toward ADA.

SAM

(Pointing.)
Look what you did to her, Dorrie. Look what you did.

DORRIE
I didn’t … do anything …! Sam. …

SAM

(Hoarsely.)
I need you to leave. I don’t need you anymore. I have Ada, now.

DORRIE
But—

SAM
But what?!

DORRIE
You—love me, Sam …!
SAM rubs her eyes.
 SAM

(Trying not to cry).

I don’t love you, Dorrie! You’re Dorrie, Dorrie! You’re just a big dummy—
a big old fool …! Who needs Dorrie!? When I have Ada. I HAVE ADA.
(Beat; hoarsely.)
But only if you’re gone.

DORRIE

(Weeping hysterically.)
You can have us both, Sam …!
SAM shakes her head, darkly.

SAM

(Beginning to cry.)
I have to choose …!

DORRIE
Don’t—do this …! Sam!
DORRIE tries to hug SAM.

SAM

(Pushing DORRIE away.)

Go away, Dorrie!
DORRIE tries to hug SAM, again.

DORRIE

(Clawing at SAM.)
You need me, Sam …!

SAM
 (Shoving DORRIE away.)
I don’t need you, Dorrie—I don’t! I don’t!

DORRIE

(Hysterical; uncomprehending.)
What are you doing …?! Dorrie will only love you!! Dorrie will only
listen!!!
DORRIE frantically tries to hug SAM again. This time, SAM wraps
her fingers around DORRIE’s neck and squeezes.
DORRIE gasps.
SAM squeezes.
DORRIE’s face gets very red.
A beat.
SAM’s fingers quiver. Her mouth hardens into a line.
A beat.
DORRIE’s face turns purple.
A beat.
DORRIE’s eyes roll into the back of her head.
A beat. Then—
SAM lets go.
DORRIE falls to the floor.
A beat.
She lies there. She lies there. Not moving. Not breathing. Her face
turns white.
She is dead.
SAM looks at DORRIE’s dead body; she pants; she shakes.
 ADA looks on; smiles a little smile. Then—she gets up and walks
over to the shelves of alcohol bottles. She examines the blue bottle
of gin. She gets on her tiptoes and takes the blue bottle off the
shelf. She turns it around in her hands, looks at it.
A beat. Then—

SAM

(Eyes glassy; with the voice of a little girl.)

I did it, Ada. …

ADA
Good girl, Sam.
ADA unscrews the cap of the blue bottle, and … begins to pour the
bottle down the kitchen sink.
SAM turns, and looks.

SAM

(Re: the bottles.)

What are you—

ADA

(Cutting her off.)

It’s better this way.
ADA continues to pour. SAM watches.
A beat. Then—

SAM
Can I draw you for a second?
ADA watches the last of the gin go down the drain.

ADA
Mm-hmmmmmmm!

SAM
Will you hand me my sketchbook? I’d do it myself, but I’m paralyzed from
the waist down.
They laugh.

ADA & SAM

Hahahahaha!
ADA bends down near DORRIE’s dead body and picks up SAM’s
sketchbook.

ADA

(Handing the sketchbook to SAM.)

Here ya go!

SAM

(Taking the sketchbook.)

Thanks! Do you wanna put on some music?

ADA
Yuppers!
ADA steps over DORRIE’s dead body to get to the radio. Turns it on.
Flips through the stations.
As she does so, SAM reaches into a cupboard and finds a bottle of
whiskey. She unscrews the cap. She wheels over to the
refrigerator, opens it. Takes out a glass bottle of milk.
ADA turns the radio to a station that is playing Randy Newman’s
“You’ve Got a Friend in Me.”

ADA

(Chuckling to herself.)
Oh god …! This song. … Remember this song …? Mmmm. …
She turns and sees that SAM is holding the bottle of milk in one
hand… and the bottle of whiskey in the other.
A beat.

ADA
Oh.

SAM

(Chipperly.)
Could you grab us some glasses? From up there???
(Nods toward the kitchen cabinets.)
I’d do it myself, but I’m paralyzed from the waist down.
(She laughs.)
Hahahahaha!
A beat. ADA swallows.

SAM
You didn’t think that was funny …?

ADA
Sam. …

SAM

(Innocently.)
… what …??

ADA

(Almost trembling in fear.)

I—I c-can’t. …
 SAM
Come on, Ada—we deserve to have fun, like everyone else …!
ADA bites her lip, holds back tears. Then—
She reaches up toward the kitchen cabinet, opens it, takes out two
glasses.Tremblingly, she hands them to SAM.

SAM
Thanks! And do you mind…
SAM holds out the bottle of whiskey to ADA.
Eyes glassy and transfixed on the whiskey, ADA takes the bottle
from SAM. SAM pops the top off the milk bottle, and pours some
milk into each glass, filling each one halfway.

SAM
Mmmmm. …
ADA stares at the whiskey bottle in her hand.

SAM
Can you pour …?
Almost as if in a daze, ADA unscrews the top off the whiskey
bottle, and pours some whiskey into each glass.
When she’s finished pouring …

SAM

(Handing a glass to ADA.)

Here ya go!
Eyes glassy and wide—and completely transfixed on the glass—
ADA takes the glass from SAM.

SAM watches, rapt—a faint, faint smile creeping across her lips.
 SAM
Cheers!
As if in a trance, ADA brings the glass over to the table. She
places it down on the table. She sits in a chair, her eyes never
leaving the glass.
SAM watches, rapt.
A beat. Then—
SAM begins to sketch ADA. She sings along to the radio as she
sketches.

SAM
You’ve got a friend in me …
ADA looks at the glass.

SAM
You’ve got a friend in me …
ADA looks at the glass.
A beat.
She looks.
A beat.
Then—
She drinks.
She drinks. She nearly drains the whole glass.
SAM watches the whole thing. Sketches. Smiles. Sings.

SAM
You’ve got troubles, well I’ve got ’em too …
ADA fishes in her bag and finds a cigarette.
 SAM
There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you …
ADA lights the cigarette. She inhales. Her eyes fill with tears.

SAM

(Cheerfully.)
Can you open the cellar door? If you’re gonna smoke?
ADA takes a huge sip of whiskey. Then, glass in one hand,
cigarette in the other, she rises and crosses to the cellar door. She
opens it. She looks.
SAM continues to sketch ADA. She sings to herself as she sketches.

SAM

(Singing.)
We stick together and we see it through …
Oh, you’ve got a friend in me …
You’ve got a friend in me …
You’ve got a friend in me …!
ADA looks down at the staircase.
She drinks. She cries.
SAM sketches, looks up at ADA.

SAM

(With a smile.)
You’ve always been soooooo pretty, Ada. …
Randy Newman’s “You’ve Got a Friend in Me” swells, as lights
fade.
Blackout.
END OF PLAY
 ALSO BY HALLEY FEIFFER AND AVAILABLE FROM THE OVERLOOK PRESS

Ella is a precocious and fiercely competitive actress whose aims in life are
making her famous playwright father David proud—and becoming famous
herself. Over the course of a boozy, drug-fueled evening, Ella and David
deliberate over whether to read the reviews of her off-Broadway debut …
and things unravel from there.

“Bone-chilling.”
—Charles Isherwood, The New York Times
“Viciously funny and brutally effective. Feiffer takes a tough look at the
forces that can bring us to our knees.”
—Adam Feldman, Time Out New York
$14.95 978-1-4683-1108-2

THE OVERLOOK PRESS • NEW YORK • WWW.OVERLOOKPRESS.COM

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