Never give up

The score was 35:35, tie. In the very last one minute, no player scored yet. The
whole basketball court was totally silence when our captain, Mike, shot. Everyone
held his breath, so opponents were so afraid that we scored and we were worried
about missing. "Bang, bang", as the ball bounced out of the ring and just when our
team members were about to take the ball, a shadowy figure suddenly appeared in
front of everybody. In one swift move, he jumped, took the ball and ran to our
court while dribbling. "Defend him", our coach shouted. But it was too late, he had
laid up while everyone was still in the opposite court, staring in astonishment. He
was James, our opponent's captain. The score was 35:37, we were behind 2 points.
The time that left for us was not much — 30 secounds. My teamates sighed and even
Mike frown in desperation as everyone knew there was no hope of scoring any points.
“Don't give up,do not give up!", as our coach yelled at the top of his voice
repeatedly. I felt like the energy was back. I knew I had to strain every nerve to
snatch victory from defeat. I glanced at the timers,ten more seconds. Suddenly, a
plan had emerged in my mind.

I quickly checked the ball with the opponent. As soon as the ball was back in my
hands, I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, all the way to the three-points
line. I took a deep breath, staring at the basket and shot with all my might. I
immediately closed my eyes as I felt I have missed. I could hear nothing but the
sound“pop,” which was only made when the ball went right in the middle of the ring
and hitted the net.

I opened my eyes, looking at timers and score — 0 second and 38:37! We won! I was
so relived that I burst into tears and my teammates surrounded me excitedly,
shouting:"We have won!". Our coach smiled and said: “Tom scored in the last second,
amazing!”

When I stood in front of my teammates, holding the golden trophy, I was so proud of
myself. Thanks to the encouragement from coach, it had reminded us that 'Believe in
yourself,do not give up despite the situation you are facing right now.Everything
is possible. '

The composition for a Singapore Primary 5 student, how many marks can it receive?

Assessing the composition for a Singapore Primary 5 student, the score would depend
on specific criteria typically used in the grading system, including language use,
content, organization, and creativity. Here is a breakdown of those criteria and an
estimated score based on the composition provided:

Criteria:
Content (10 marks)

Relevance: The story is relevant to the theme of "Never Give Up" and provides a
clear narrative related to a basketball game.
Development: The plot is well-developed with a clear beginning, middle, and end.
The climax and resolution are effective.
Language (10 marks)

Grammar and Syntax: There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases that need
correction.
Vocabulary: The vocabulary used is appropriate for the level, although there are
opportunities to use more varied and descriptive words.
Organization (5 marks)
Structure: The composition has a clear structure with paragraphs that divide the
different parts of the narrative.
Flow: The flow could be improved with smoother transitions and more cohesive
sentences.
Creativity (5 marks)

Originality: The composition shows creativity in describing the game and the
emotional journey of the characters.
Engagement: The story is engaging and holds the reader's interest.
Estimated Score:
Content: 8/10
Language: 6/10
Organization: 4/5
Creativity: 4/5
Total: 22/30

How to Revise for a Higher Score:

Grammar and Syntax Improvements:

Correct grammatical errors and awkward phrases.

Use varied sentence structures to enhance readability.
Enhance Vocabulary:

Incorporate more descriptive and expressive words to enrich the narrative.

Avoid repetition and use synonyms for variety.
Improve Flow and Transitions:

Use transition words to connect ideas smoothly.

Ensure each paragraph flows logically into the next.
Add Emotional Depth:

Include more reflection on the characters' feelings and thoughts to deepen the
emotional impact.
Revised Composition:
Never Give Up

The score was tied at 35:35. In the very last minute, no player had managed to
score. The whole basketball court was totally silent when our captain, Mike, took
his shot. Everyone held their breath; our opponents were afraid that we would
score, while we were worried about missing. "Bang, bang," the ball bounced off the
rim. Just as our team members were about to grab the ball, a shadowy figure
suddenly appeared in front of everybody. In one swift move, he jumped, took the
ball, and ran to our court while dribbling. "Defend him," our coach shouted. But it
was too late; he had laid up while everyone was still in the opposite court,
staring in astonishment. He was James, our opponent's captain. The score was 35:37,
and we were behind by 2 points. There was not much time left for us — 30 seconds.
My teammates sighed, and even Mike frowned in desperation as everyone knew there
was no hope of scoring any points. “Don't give up, do not give up!" our coach
yelled at the top of his voice repeatedly. I felt like the energy was back. I knew
I had to strain every nerve to snatch victory from defeat. I glanced at the timer —
ten more seconds. Suddenly, a plan emerged in my mind.

I quickly checked the ball with the opponent. As soon as the ball was back in my
hands, I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, all the way to the three-point
line. Taking a deep breath, I stared at the basket and shot with all my might. I
immediately closed my eyes, convinced I had missed. Then, I heard the sharp “pop”
sound that only happened when the ball swished perfectly through the net.

I opened my eyes, looking at the timer and score — 0 seconds and 38:37! We had won!
Overwhelmed with relief, I burst into tears as my teammates surrounded me,
shouting, "We have won!" Our coach smiled and said, “Tom scored in the last second,
amazing!”

When I stood in front of my teammates, holding the golden trophy, I felt immensely
proud of myself. Thanks to the encouragement from our coach, we learned to believe
in ourselves and never give up, despite the challenges we face. Everything is
possible.

By making these improvements, the composition can better demonstrate the student's
language skills, creativity, and ability to engage the reader, potentially
resulting in a higher score.

Never Give Up

The score was 35:35, tied. In the very last minute, no player had scored yet. The
whole basketball court was totally silent when our captain, Mike, shot. Everyone
held their breath; our opponents were afraid that we would score, while we were
worried about missing. "Bang, bang," the ball bounced off the rim. Just as our team
members were about to grab the ball, a shadowy figure suddenly appeared in front of
everybody. In one swift move, he jumped, took the ball, and ran to our court while
dribbling. "Defend him," our coach shouted. But it was too late; he had laid up
while everyone was still in the opposite court, staring in astonishment. He was
James, our opponent's captain. The score was 35:37, and we were behind by 2 points.
There was not much time left for us — 15 seconds. My teammates sighed, and even
Mike frowned in desperation as everyone knew there was no hope of scoring any
points. “Don't give up, do not give up!" our coach yelled at the top of his voice
repeatedly. I felt like the energy was back. I knew I had to strain every nerve to
snatch victory from defeat. I glanced at the timer, ten more seconds. Suddenly, a
plan emerged in my mind.

I quickly checked the ball with the opponent. As soon as the ball was back in my
hands, I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, all the way to the three-point
line. I took a deep breath, staring at the basket, and shot with all my might. I
immediately closed my eyes as I felt I had missed. I could hear nothing but the
sound “pop,” which was only made when the ball went right in the middle of the ring
and hit the net.

I opened my eyes, looking at the timer and score — 0 seconds and 38:37! We won! I
was so relieved that I burst into tears and my teammates surrounded me excitedly,
shouting: "We have won!" Our coach smiled and said: “Tom scored in the last second,
amazing!”

When I stood in front of my teammates, holding the golden trophy, I felt immensely
proud of myself. Thanks to the encouragement from our coach, it reminded us that
'Believe in yourself, do not give up despite the situation you are facing right
now. Everything is possible.'

This composition demonstrates a good understanding of narrative structure, with a

clear sequence of events leading to a climactic conclusion. However, the exact
score it would receive depends on specific criteria set by the Singaporean grading
system, which typically includes aspects such as language use, content, and
organization. Generally, this composition might receive a score in the middle to
upper range, perhaps around 20-25 out of 30, given its strengths and areas for
improvement.

To achieve a higher score, consider the following revisions:

Grammar and Syntax:

Ensure grammatical accuracy and correct punctuation throughout.

Example: "The whole basketball court was totally silence" should be "The whole
basketball court was totally silent."
Example: "Everyone held his breath, so opponents were so afraid that we scored and
we were worried about missing." can be revised to "Everyone held their breath; our
opponents were afraid that we would score, while we were worried about missing."
Vocabulary:

Use a richer and more varied vocabulary to enhance the narrative.

Example: Instead of "I was so relieved," use "A wave of relief washed over me."
Detail and Description:

Add more descriptive details to create a vivid picture for the reader.
Example: "I could hear nothing but the sound 'pop,' which was only made when the
ball went right in the middle of the ring and hit the net." can be expanded to "I
could hear nothing but the sharp ‘pop’ of the ball swishing cleanly through the
net, a sound that echoed triumphantly in the silent gym."
Emotion and Reflection:

Include more emotional depth and personal reflection to connect with the reader.
Example: "I was so proud of myself" can be expanded to "I stood there, holding the
golden trophy, feeling an overwhelming sense of pride and accomplishment. The
journey had been tough, but our perseverance had paid off."
Clarity and Cohesion:

Ensure the narrative flows smoothly and logically.

Example: "In the very last one minute, no player scored yet" can be revised to "In
the final minute, no player had scored."
Here’s a revised version incorporating these suggestions:

Never Give Up

The score was tied at 35:35. In the final minute, no player had managed to score.
The basketball court was enveloped in silence as our captain, Mike, took his shot.
Everyone held their breath; our opponents were tense, fearing we would score, and
we were anxious about missing. "Bang, bang," the ball bounced off the rim. Just as
our team members were about to grab the ball, a shadowy figure swiftly emerged in
front of us. In one fluid motion, he jumped, seized the ball, and dribbled towards
our court. "Defend him," our coach yelled. But it was too late; he had already laid
it up while everyone was still at the opposite end, staring in astonishment. It was
James, the opponent's captain. The score now stood at 35:37, with us trailing by 2
points. With only 30 seconds left, my teammates sighed, and even Mike frowned in
despair, knowing our chances of scoring were slim. “Don’t give up, do not give up!"
our coach repeatedly yelled at the top of his voice, igniting a spark of hope in
us. I felt rejuvenated, knowing I had to give my all to turn the game around. I
glanced at the timer — ten more seconds. Suddenly, a plan formed in my mind.

I quickly checked the ball with the opponent. As soon as the ball was back in my
hands, I sprinted as fast as my legs could carry me to the three-point line. Taking
a deep breath, I aimed at the basket and shot with all my might. I immediately
closed my eyes, convinced I had missed. Then, I heard the sharp “pop” sound that
only happened when the ball swished perfectly through the net.
I opened my eyes and saw the timer and score — 0 seconds, 38:37! We had won!
Overwhelmed with relief, I burst into tears as my teammates surrounded me,
shouting, "We have won!" Our coach smiled and said, “Tom scored in the last second,
amazing!”

Standing before my teammates, holding the golden trophy, I felt an immense pride in
myself. Thanks to our coach's encouragement, we learned to believe in ourselves and
to never give up, despite the challenges we face. Everything is possible.

By applying these suggestions, the composition enhances its language quality,

descriptive detail, emotional depth, and overall narrative flow, which could help
achieve a higher score.